Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 7 - Color and Light - full transcript

Lynette and Tom find a like-minded couple to watch their kids, Susan strikes up a romance with her ex-husband, and Gabby tries to hide her pregnancy.

- Previously on Desperate Housewives:
- You're glowing.

- Gabrielle got pregnant.
- You walked out on me.

Yeah. But look how far I got.

- I'm just up the street.
- Trouble moved in.

Being with George
made you feel a bit guilty.

I'll have to get over it, won't I?

And Bree moved on.

"I know who killed Melanie Foster.

- You arrested the wrong man."
- But not everyone...

Call 911 and tell them you got
a killer in the basement.

- He's not a killer. what they deserved.

It is often said that necessity
is the mother of invention.

This is how mothers
came to invent playdates.

So occasionally, they could
have a little time for themselves.

If you need me,
I'll be at the salon.

But there are some mothers
who don't get to take advantage

of this maternal innovation.

Mothers like... Lynette Scavo,

who was no longer
able to rest on weekends,

because her twins no longer
received playdate invitations...

...ever since they had
convinced Sacha Eden's boy

that a pair of magic wings
would allow him to fly.

And they had double-dared
Sharon Chazin's boy to ride his bike...


And they had encouraged
Lisa Seadmen's boy

to try an exciting new game
called Toss the Brick.

The Scavo twins had become
persona non grata.

And Lynette's secret dream
of being able to take

an occasional nap on Saturdays
was growing dimmer and dimmer.

Quit it!

Until one day...

Hey, hey, hey! Porter, Preston!
Knock it off! All right?

Did you hear me? I said stop it.
Stand up. Stand up.

Come here.

I'm so sorry.
Did my son beat you up?

No. We were beating them up.

Is that true?
Did they beat you up?

It didn't hurt that much.

Jimmy! P. J!
What are you doing?

What have I told you
about ganging up on people?

I am so sorry.

No it's... it's OK.

Believe me, my boys
can take care of themselves.

If they got hurt at all,
I'll pay for the doctor bills.

No, not to worry.

I got the feeling
they were enjoying themselves.


What would you say to bringing
your boys over to my house

and letting them
hang out with mine?

And that's how Lynette
finally got what she needed,

time for herself
and playdates for her kids.

I'm sorry, but my boys decided
to have a rock fight with your boys.

It was fun.

Playdates she
was determined to keep...

Well, they look fine to me. all costs.

Same time next week?


Cameras are simple tools
designed to capture images.

Images that tell us
more about ourselves than we realise.

They remind us
of the long journey we've taken,

the loved ones
who travelled alongside us,

those we lost along the way...

...and those waiting for us
on the road ahead.

OK, how am I supposed to eat
with a uterus staring me in the face?

Oh, Gabby, I didn't know
you got a sonogram.

Let me see.

You need to put that in a frame.

I don't think so.

Oh, come on.
That's a picture of your baby.

You can't tell me
you're not a little bit excited.

Fine. I'm pregnant.

Now, come on, we're
supposed to be cheering up Susan.

This is a time of crisis,

and I think you need another
scoop of mint chocolate chip.

- Thanks.
- Susan, why are you so eerily calm?

Mike Delfino just dumped you.

The Susan Mayer I know
would be a blubbering mess right now.

Come on, trot her on out.
She's fun to watch.

I'm starting to feel pretty Zen
about the whole thing.

Mike will calm down in a couple of days

- and come to his senses.
- No.

I came between the man and his son.

It was a huge betrayal.

I... I can't even blame him
for hating me.

Zach was starting to obsess with Julie.

Exactly. You're a mother
trying to protect her child.

It's a natural impulse.

Over the past couple of days,

I gave myself
a long hard look in the mirror,

and I did not like what I saw.

I'm with you. Carry on.

I just think if I start acting
like an adult for once,

maybe... Who knows?

...somewhere down the line
Mike and I at least can be friends.

All right, you're not Zen.
You're numb.

I'm fine.

Do you got any pie?

Not unless we make some.

I can wait.

- Whoa!
- All right.

So, if you need us,
we'll be at home,

just having a quiet evening.

Funny, we're expecting
quite the opposite.

Next week it's our turn.

- We'll take Porter and...
- Preston.

...Preston off you all weekend.
- We haven't forgotten.

See ya!

- Bye!
- Don't worry.

Whoa, guys.

Why aren't you upstairs
with P.J. And Jimmy?

They're watching
this video they brought.

It's boring.

You should be polite and watch it.
They're your guests.


Hey, guys! We got snacks!

- Just fix the light.
- Good work.

Good to go.

- OK, ready?
- OK.

All right, hang on now.

- I'm just getting up...
- Guys, what is this?

- A movie.
- Mommy and Daddy made it.

- Peekaboo!
- Whoa, what's under there?



Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Where's the "off" button?
- It's underneath the panel thing.

Well, it's stuck!
Get the remote! Get the remote!

What's wrong?

I found it!

So can we have the cocoa now?

Well? What do you think?

It is glorious.
I have to have it.

I'm not sure you deserve
Dolce & Gabbana.

- Vern!
- You never call, write.

I know I haven't been in lately.

I've been busy
getting my husband out of jail.

That's such
a white trash thing to say.

Luckily, the judge
dropped the hate crime charge.

Now all Carlos has to do
is serve out the slave labour thing.

He'll be out in six months.

If he's in the hoosegow,
why do you need a fancy dress?

Some of my model friends
are coming from New York on Friday.

I have to look better than ever.

I can't have them think I moved
to the suburbs and shop at strip malls.

When they see this dress,
they'll crumple to the floor

- like the Botoxed hags they are.
- Good.

You know what? It's a little snug.

Yeah, I see that.

I have the same thing in a zero.
Why not go up a size?

Because I wear double-zero, you twerp.

- Why're you getting snippy?
- You called me fat.

Honey, you're pregnant.
Your body's changing.

But I'm three months pregnant.
Women don't show at three months.

Some women do.
Do you want the larger size or not?

I'm just not gonna eat for two days.

OK, you totally deserve
to wear Dolce & Gabbana.

I want an explanation, Karl.
Do you hear me?

Edie, you just better get
the hell off my back, so help me...

What are you gonna do?
I'd like to hear this!

- Big man with big threats.
- Back off! Just back the hell off!

What am I...?


OK, so I got the box of things
you left on my porch.

Yeah, I figured
you'd want your stuff back.

Thanks, that's great.

Cos if you'd decided to hang
on to my Joni Mitchell CDs,

I would have come after you with a club.

You're right, it's not funny.

Actually, I did wanna just see if you

were aware that you gave me back
the Valentine's Day card I made you.

I was aware, yeah.

Oh, well...

I mean, when two people split up...

Normally, they don't give things back
like Valentine's Day cards.

If you don't want it, throw it away.

I just... Please don't give it
back to me. It's tacky.

I'm sorry.

That's OK. People make...


Anything else?

Look. Are you sure
this is what you want to do?

I understand you don't want
our relationship to continue.

You've made that clear.

But I sort of thought,
down the long corridors of time,

maybe you and I could be friends,
and if you keep acting like this...

Susan, it's over,
on every level, OK?

I... I moved on.
You should do the same.

Miserable son of a bitch!

I'm a hell of a lot better
than you are!

I'll say one thing for us.

Even with all our problems,
at least we're not acting like that.

OK, I'm starting to get the feeling
that we're not going to a yard sale.

That was just a clever ruse
to get you into my car.

Are you ready for your surprise?

George, this is just an empty house.

Why is this a surprise?

I just bought it.

Oh, my God! Congratulations!

I didn't even know you were looking!

- Hurry, Ceal! They're here!
- I'm coming!

Hey, Georgie.

Bree, I'd like you to meet my mother.

George never introduces me to anyone,
so I knew you were special!

This is Ceal, my mother's friend,

the real-estate agent
who sold me the house.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Well, we're gonna go in the back.

So George can... you know...


You really like it?

I do. I really do.

Good, because I was sort of hoping
that you might like to live here.


...will you marry me?

I love you.

And I think I know
how you feel about me.

So why wait?

George, Rex hasn't even
been dead for two months.

Yes, but if his death has taught
us anything, it's that life is short.

It's dumb to play it safe.

If we see a chance for happiness,
we should grab it and hold on tight.

See, I thought we were
going to a yard sale.


Just say the word, and you'll
make me the happiest guy on earth.

- Congratulations, you two!
- Mazeltov!

Guys, wait. She hasn't said yes yet.

I told you we should wait.

So, Bree...

...what do you say?

See, George, the thing is...


You will? You'll marry me?


Oh, my baby!

Who is it?

It's your ex-husband.

Karl! What do you want?

Edie and I just broke up.

Oh... Well, come on in.

Sorry to come over on such short notice,
but I couldn't face going to a motel.

That's OK. Julie's
at her friend's tonight.

You can sleep in her room.

The sofa's fine, but thanks.

So am I allowed
to ask what happened?

You could ask, but I won't tell.

- Why not?
- Because it's embarrassing.

- Karl, did you cheat again?
- No.

- Did she cheat?
- No.

Saw her without makeup?

- Susan...
- I'm sorry.

Are you OK?

Yeah. It hadn't been working
for quite a while.

This was inevitable.

Well, these days anybody going
through a break-up gets my sympathy.

That's right. I heard
you made the plumber angry.

No, I made the plumber furious.

That is definitely over.

So there will be no gloating from me.

Well, here's to no gloating.

Actually, I'm trying to keep
a positive outlook on the whole thing.

Last night I started writing, and...

Well, I think there's a book in there.

- A book?
- Yeah.

- One of your children's books?
- This one's for adults.

About all my failed relationships.

You're not writing about me?

You're like the first 14 chapters.

- Are you gonna be fair?
- I'm gonna be honest.

I was afraid of that.

It was just awful.

George had a ring, his mother and
her friend were there with champagne.

If I had said no,
it would have devastated him.

So you agreed to marry him
just to be polite?

Obviously, there's a downside
to having good manners.

So when will you
tell him how you really feel?

That's why I wanted to talk to you.

Part of me keeps thinking
I should just do it.

Do it? You mean actually marry him?

I know it sounds rash, but...

There's something
comfortable about George.

We share the same tastes and interests.

Oh, and best of all,
he loves the opera.

The opera?

Yes. We saw Aida last week,
and we both cried buckets.

It was fun.

George loves art, poetry and music.

It would be nice
to be married to someone

who looks for beauty
in the world, like I do.

I don't know.

That's why I'm here.
I don't know what to do, Dr Goldfine.

Bree, you've said many times
how comfortable you are with George.

But you don't feel for him
the way you felt for Rex.


True love is great.

But at this point in my life...

...I think I'd rather
just go to the opera.

- Give me your glass.
- No way.

- We gotta finish off this...
- No way.

No. Four glasses is my limit.

If you help me finish off this bottle,

I'll tell you what happened
between me and Edie.

Hit me.

Edie was making the bed...

...and found a picture
I kept under the mattress.

A picture I didn't want her to see.

What was it?

It was a picture of you.

Why would you?

Because it's something I like
to take a look at every now and then.


What the hell was that?

That's something I've been
wanting to do for quite some time.

Oh, that's just you
rebounding from Edie.

So you're on the rebound
from the plumber.

No harm, no foul.

Karl, it would be so weird.

We're two old friends who
suddenly find themselves single.

There's nothing weird about
us helping each other out to be...

...a little less Ionely.

Thanks so much
for taking care of the boys.

I'll be back on Friday
to pick your guys up.

Leonard and I are gonna
take them to the water park.

Yeah... before that happens...

And we're gonna be
able to take Penny soon.

She's getting so big.

Peekaboo! Peekaboo!

- Peekaboo!
- Yeah, OK, enough of that!

- Is there something wrong?
- Actually, yes.

We've agonised whether
to tell you this, Norma, but...

One of your private videos

made its way
into Jimmy and P.J.'s bag.

Please tell me
the kids didn't see it.

No, don't worry, I caught it...

...right before you took off your bra.

I have to go.

Norma, we just thought
you needed to know what happened.

Seriously, we're cool with this
as long as you keep it from the kids.

I told Leonard this is gonna happen.

Jimmy, P.J., close the door!
Are we all buckled up?

Norma, wait!

We're still on for next week!

Norma! The water park!




Mom, are you up?

Oh, my God!

Oh, Julie! I thought you
were going straight to school.

I... I needed money for lunch.

There's a 20 in my pants.
If you can find them.

Oh, Julie... Julie.


OK, there is a good explanation
for what happened.

I doubt that.

You probably don't know that

your father and Edie
broke up last night.

You slept with him the same night
he broke up with her?

Well, I said it was
a good explanation, not a great one.

Oh, Julie!

- Hey, pumpkin.
- Don't even.


Oh, now I feel really awful.

Me too.

We should not
have done what we did.

I know. I know.

But I gotta tell you,
last night was the best sex ever.

Wasn't it though? You were fantastic.

Hey, I was just trying
to keep up with you.

Why do you think we got
so good all of a sudden?

Because we've been angry
at each other for so long...

...we finally found
a way to channel it.


- So, what happens next?
- Well, I'm gonna take a shower.

No. I mean, with us.

What'd you mean? There's no "us".

You can't tell me you can just walk away
from this chemistry we got going.

I mean, what happened last night was...


Last night was two old friends

helping each other through
a rough patch. That's it.

- Susie Q...
- Karl, I wanna move on.

I don't wanna go backwards. I'm sorry.

But thank you for the explosion.
I really needed it.

After 48 hours of crash dieting,

Gabrielle prepared
to savour the fruit of her labour.

But she was dismayed to discover

that she herself
had ripened considerably.


I need help getting dressed!
Get in here!


I have to fit into this,

so for God sakes,
put some muscle into it!

I'm trying. It won't zip.

Well, try harder.

My hands hurt!

I'm sorry, Mrs Solis,
but I can't get you into this dress.

It's just too small.

Get me into this dress, and I
will pay you ten more dollars a week.

I think I got it. Hold on. Hold still.

Here we go. One...



Oh, thank God.

I brought you some ice cream.

I know how long it's been
since you've had any.

We'll have that in a minute, sweetheart.

First, I want you to talk to me
about what happened.

About Melanie.

I don't wanna talk about her.

You know it breaks my heart
to keep you down here like this,

but I can't let you out

until I am positive that you will
never hurt anyone else again.

And the first step is for you
to show me that you understand

that what you did was wrong.

She was a bad person.

She deserved it.

No one deserves
to die like that, Caleb.

Don't you agree?

Very well.

If that's how it's going to be...

...this is how it's going to be.

I can't believe we're doing this.

If Leonard and Norma want to cut
ties with us, who are we to stop them?

They need to know
we don't judge them

for what they do in the privacy
of their own home.

It's not unheard of
to tape yourself while having sex.

They're so embarrassed
they don't want anything to do with us.

- Maybe we need to respect that.
- I need these playdates.

Tom, we need these playdates.

Fine, fine. But you do all the talking.




- Let's go.
- No!

Hi! Scavos!
What are you guys doing here?

Hi. Sorry for just showing up
unannounced, but...

- Could we talk to you for a minute?
- Sure, come on in.


...we've been trying to contact you,

but you haven't been
returning our messages.

We hope it isn't
because of the porno video.

Home... home movies.

The fact is, we really don't care.

And it's certainly no reason
to keep our boys apart.

We just don't know
how they found it.

You know boys.
They get into everything.

It's not a big deal.

As long as you make sure
it never happens again.

- It's the new millennium. We're hip.
- Yeah, what we're saying is, we get it.

You're just having fun.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm just so relieved
this all worked out.

At one point we talked
about selling the house and moving.

Oh, no. Oh...

Thank you for being so open-minded.

Please, we're all adults. It's...

The most embarrassing part
of that video's how poorly it was shot.

The production values are caca.

Well, from a lay perspective,
it looked very professional.

What you saw was
an example of my earlier work.

Since then I've become
much more adept at production.

You know, editing and lighting.

Leonard has always dreamed
of directing movies.

Ironic, isn't it? I finally get my wish,
and no one ever gets to see my work.

That is a damn shame.

Norma, what do you think?
Should we show them the room?

Let's show them the room. Huh?

Check out this baby.

Three-chip high-def, 1280x720
lines of resolution, bounced lighting

and dark sheets so you don't
get a kick off the pillows.

Took me a while
to learn that little trick.

The walls are completely soundproof.

You could scream your lungs out,
and nobody would hear you.

It's true.


...anytime you wanna
set up a shoot, just let me know.

You guys would love it.

Once you get
in front of that camera... feel like a star.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Good night.

- I'm thinking no more playdates.
- Not a one.

Better hurry, the movie
starts in 20 minutes.

Slight change of plans.

My mother had friends
who wanted to meet you. I thought,

"Could be fun."

- Do you mind?
- No, I guess not.

Hey, everybody. This is Bree.

- And this is my Uncle Sid.
- Hi.

- My Aunt Rosalie.
- Hello.

Oh, and this is Stan Grazi.
He does my mom's taxes.

She's a knockout, George.
I guess I owe you an apology.

Since I was single all these years,
Stan kept telling my mom I was gay.

I'm still gonna need some proof.

But I guess I'll get that
in about nine months.

What? What happens in nine months?

That's Stan's joke about when
we're gonna start our own family.

Just so you know, it's gonna be a while
before we even think about kids.

I want Bree all to myself for a while.

Well, you don't wanna wait too long.

After 40, the eggs
don't get any fresher.

Am I right, Bree?

If you'll excuse me, I...
I have to go.

Bree! Bree, where are you going?

I'm taking my champagne and
my aging eggs, and I'm going home.

What's wrong?

George, I'm starting
to think that we made a mistake

rushing into this engagement.

- What?
- I'm not the only one.

- Others have said the same.
- What others? Andrew?

No, Dr Goldfine, my therapist.

Your therapist?
He doesn't know me!

Well, he knows me.
Certainly better than you do.

- How can you say that?
- For starters,

he knows the last thing I'd ever
want to do is have more children!

Really? Well, I didn't know.

But you should know.

That's the kind of thing people who
are engaged know about each other.

It doesn't matter.
I don't need children.

It's not just that, George.

Dr Goldfine has other concerns
about us being together,

and I'm starting to think he's right.

Look, I'll agree with
Dr Goldfine on one thing.

We should slow things down.

- Really?
- Yes.

Just because
two people are engaged

doesn't mean they
have to get married anytime soon.

I'll talk to Dr Goldfine
about it tomorrow.

Take whatever time you need.

How many times am I gonna
have to ask you to fix this step?

Matthew, are you gonna answer me?

Did you leave the door open?

- How'd you do?
- Not good.

People are gonna start
coming home from work soon.

OK, we can't panic.

Caleb is scared.
He doesn't know the area,

so he's gotta be close by.

Which yards haven't you checked yet?


...I desperately need your help.

Oh, dear. What's wrong?

How do you get your hydrangeas
to look so stunning?

I'm systematically
slaughtering my own garden.

- Do you really want to know my secret?
- Oh, yes.

Horse manure.
I have it delivered.

Susan makes fun of me,
but the proof is in the pudding.



Looking for something?

Yeah, actually,
I'm looking for you.


You're looking for me?

Yeah, I've been thinking about you.

That time we met,
I thought you were really cool.

So you came to ask me out?

Cos I'll say yes.

Thank you.


Well, that was a waste of time.

Pretty much.

Did you hear the big news?

The big news?

Karl and I are back together.


And I know that he
stayed at your place last night,

which leads me to why I'm here.

There's stuff I have to say,
and it's not going to be pleasant.


Whatever it was that you said to him...

...really helped.

He showed up with flowers,
and he apologised for everything.


Thank you.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm not gonna say it again.
It hurt my teeth the first time.

No, Edie.

This is so unexpected on so many levels.
I don't know what to say.

Then say nothing.

Oh, and here.

It's the photo of you
I found in our bed.

I know he told you about it.

Why are you giving it to me?

Look, I appreciate whatever it was
that you did last night.

But it's still important for you
to understand that I won.

- You won?
- Yeah.

Whatever little hold
you had on Karl is officially over.

So you can stop feeling all smug
and superior that he kept that thing.

Believe me, I don't feel superior.

Good. Because you shouldn't.

He made his choice.
And it's not you.

You're right.
He made his choice.

Bree, it's still too easy to breathe.
You gotta make it tighter.

If I make it any tighter,
you won't be able to sit down.

I don't care.

I can't have these girls
thinking I'm pregnant.

Do you think
they're gonna make fun of you?

Trust me. They're merciless.

But why? I mean, surely,
they have friends who have children.

When I decided to marry Carlos,

I told these girls I would
spend the rest of my days

being rich and in love and childless.

They laughed at me,
and they said I would just end up

being another fat hausfrau
living a life that I didn't plan.

I'm not gonna give them the
satisfaction of knowing they were right.

Well, maybe they'll
just be happy for you.

My friends are models.
They're never happy for anyone.

Do you ever think you might like it?

- What?
- Motherhood.


Come on. You don't think
you're gonna love your own baby?

I'm not saying I'm not gonna
grow attached to the bugger.

I don't have the motherhood gene.

I wish I did, but I don't.


I'm just smiling because
I think a few months from now

you are gonna come to me
and tell me how madly in love you are

with your new little baby.

I'm gonna have to resist
the urge to say, "I told you so."

Maybe. But I doubt it.

There you go. All done.

- How do I look?
- Positively glowing.


Hi! Hello!

Oh, my God.

You're pregnant!

Bree? It's Gabby.

Honey, it's open, come on in.


My friends just left,

and I was hoping you could
cut me out of this thing.

How was your little reunion?

It was...

- Weird?

Well, Allison's mad because
she's losing jobs to 14-year-olds.

Holly is on a strict diet
of cruciferous vegetables.

And Yasmin is undergoing
a new embryonic facial treatment

that probably causes
short-term memory loss.

You know, I just
stood there the whole night

trying to remember
why we were ever friends.

And I couldn't.

You know, honey... people change.

Yeah, but that's the thing.
They haven't changed.

That's who they've always been.

I've changed.

And I honestly don't know how.


...maybe Susan, Lynette and I
have had a good influence on you.

I doubt that.

Come on.

When I finish up here,

I'll come over with my sewing kit
and cut you out of that.

All right.

But hurry up because I've been
having to pee since hors d'oeuvres.

Are you free to go shopping tomorrow?

I figured it's probably time
I bought some clothes that actually fit.

Well, I know a store that carries
maternity clothes with designer labels.

I like the sound of that.


Thank you.

Yes. Cameras are tools
designed to capture images.


She needs me to get something for her.
I will be right back.

But in truth,
they can capture so much more.

They can uncover hidden longing

of men who should no longer care.

They can reveal
the extraordinary secrets

of the most ordinary marriages.

Most amazing of all,

cameras can quietly and clearly
reveal to us our dreams.

Dreams we didn't even know we had.