Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 23 - Remember: Part 1 - full transcript

Perodic flashbacks to moving-in day on Wisteria Lane and how the control-freak Bree, the ambitious Lynette, the neurotic Susan, and the narcissistic Gabrielle met Mary Alice Young for the ...

Previously on "Desperate Housewives", ...

She packed up the kids and the puppy and left.

Packed them up? Why?

She followed you to Atlantic City.
She knows about your other woman.

...things went from bad...

Put your hands where I can see them. considerably worse.

Man, she's good.

Looks like the insemination was successful.

- Oh my god!

And even the good news...

She's the priority now!
She's the mother of my child!

...came with a catch.

Given any thought to staying at my place?

I think I'm gonna have to pass.

No, I'm stronger than people give me credit for.

But sometimes,
once you accept the truth,

you discover that you're capable...

Let's just get out of here!

...of accomplishing...

I'd like to admit myself for psychiatric observation.

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.

...almost anything.

It's a fact of life in every neighborhood:

People move in,
and people move out.

Although very few of them
pack up and leave at 2am.

But it wasn't the first time

that Betty Applewhite had
tried to leave in the middle of the night.

It had happened once before,
in Chicago.

The same night one of her sons
tried to break up with his girlfriend,...

...a young woman named Melanie Foster.

Are you kidding?
You cannot dump me!

I do not get dumped!

If anyone is getting dumped here, it's you.

However you want to spell it,
it's fine. OK?

I just want out.
I just want out!

OK. Matthew--

maybe I am a bitch sometimes,
but there are advantages to dating someone like me.

And I know that you know what I'm talking about.

Melanie, my mother is in the other room.
Are you crazy?

Clearly, we can't have a serious discussion here.

Why don't you meet me at the lumber yard at nine?

Melanie, it's over.

Well, even more reason for you to show up.

No one can say goodbye better than I do.

Oh, it's about time.


What are you doing here?
Where's Matthew?

I got here first.
I know a shortcut.

Does Matthew know that you're here?


He--he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

What does that have to do with you?

See, I thought--

maybe I could be your boyfriend now.


I love you.

Oh God, please tell me
someone put you up to this! No?

Could you be serious?

It's too pathetic!

What the hell are you doing?

Get off of me, you--


Yes, a year had come and gone
since the Applewhites had left Chicago.

And Betty thought they could again
slip away in the middle of the night.

Once we move,
how's Matthew goin' find us?

Caleb, I think this is going to be you and me from now on.

Up with your hands!
Put your hands up!

But as she soon discovered,

it's not that easy
to slip away in the suburbs.

Because in Suburbia,
once the neighbors hear you going,

they all insist on showing up

to say goodbye.

Everyone must choose
the road they will take in life.

And for a special few,
that road would lead to Wisteria Lane.

They all arrive the exact same way:

driving up in their overloaded trucks,

bringing with them their expensive antiques

and ordinary dreams.

I remember the first moment I saw each of them.

I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane.

Ah! OK, break time's over.

She seemed to delightfully confident,

I couldn't help but feel intimidated.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

That feeling quickly passed.

Help! Can anybody hear me?

Julie? I need you to try to unlock the door!

Oh, what am I thinking, she's too...

OK-- I need you to unbuckle yourself

and try to find a neighbor!

But don't cross the street!

Just tell the neighbor
that your Mommie's stuck in a big truck!

Oh, yes!
My God, I have a genius baby!


I have a normal baby.

I'm Mary Alice.
I live across the street.

Susan Mayer. Thank you so much!

If my husband had had to rescue me,
I would have never heard the end of it.

He thinks I'm a total klutz.

Oh, please,
that's what neighbors are for.

welcome to Wisteria Lane.

When you're
finished unpacking,

why don't you come over
for a cup of coffee?

Oh, wow!

I have a neighbor who just
asked me over for coffee.

I'm sorry.
You must think I'm a lunatic.

Oh, no, no, I don't.
I think you're charming.

And your baby looks
like a genius to me.

Oh, she is.

And we're gonna be
so happy here.

Look at your new home.

You're not gonna walk me
into a wall, are you?

Of course not, but when
you see it for the first time,

I want you to get
the whole impact.


Okay, now I know
it's a little more cramped

than we're used to, but we
can't stay at Bree's forever.

She's gonna be coming back
from that spa vacation soon.

Besides, it's gonna be fun.
Why are you doing this to me?

I get good grades.
I don't do drugs.

I've never come home

Honey, I am trying my hardest
to stand on my own two feet.

All right, I've got six
book proposals in the works.

I'm gonna try to supervise
the rebuilding of this house,

But you know, I can't do it
without your support.

And I want you
to be proud of me.

Let's take a look inside.

Ohh! That's my girl.

So... is there anything
you should prepare me for?

No! No. it's all good.

Oh! But you should know

that your bed doubles

and the toilet's
in the shower.

Honey, look. I bought us
matching golf outfits

for our lessons tomorrow.

Yeah, about that--
I can't go.

I gotta pick up trash
on the freeway.

I'm sorry?

I have to do
my community service.

It's part of my parole,

Oh, okay, well, I'll just
call the country club

and cancel our lessons.
No, no, no.

I can't, I paid already.
Might as well go without me.

I don't wanna go alone.
It was your idea in the first place.

And I'd love to be there
with you, too,

if I didn't have to scrape
slushies and condoms

off route 57.
Look, what's the big deal?

Just go take the stupid lesson.

Fine, if you feel that way about it.
- Hey, I'm sorry.

Oh, would you look
at this crap?

He has been doing that all day.

Ralph has a little crush.

So can't I get a gardener

Who isn't trying to sleep
with someone in my house?

You pay 6 bucks an hour.
It's all about the perks, honey.

have you talked to Lynette?

Uh, no.
Have you tried her cell?

Yeah, she isn't picking up.
Do you know where she is?

Uh, no, I'm sorry.

Susan, I think you do.

I really don't, Tom.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah,
we just had a fight.

Listen, if you talk to her,

will you please ask her
to call me?

Thank you.


He was just here.

I think you should call him.

I can't. I can't.
I'm sorry. I just can't.

Yeah. Hang on.

I'll call you later.
Okay. Bye.


When is Daddy coming?
I wanna show him my dive.

He's not coming, sweetheart.

But you could show me.

You have to talk to Noah.

But he creeps me out.
Who cares?

This is my life
we're talking about.

I need a big-time lawyer
in my corner,

and where else are we gonna
get that kind of money?

Noah's not gonna give me a dime
if he knows it's for you.

He hates your guts.
Tell him it's for you.

Tell him you want a car.

Tell him you're ready for him
to buy your love. Trust me.

Dying men are nothing
if not sentimental.

Why do you need so much,

I thought only guilty men
needed expensive lawyers.

Felicia has obviously been
planning this for months.

Who knows what other kind
of evidence she's planted?

with my luck, they'll open up
the Martha Huber murder again,

try to nail me
with some DNA.

You swore to me that you had
nothing to do with that.

I didn't.

Look, why are we arguing?

I'm your father.
Do what I'm telling you to do.

You're not my real father.

You ungrateful little...

I rescue you
from that miserable junkie.

I give you a home,
a life worth living,

I need the money, Zach.

If you won't do it for me,

at least do it
for your mother.

After all, she killed herself
trying to protect you.

I met Bree Van De Kamp

the first day she moved
to Wisteria Lane.

there are certain people,
who, when you meet them,

can't help but make
a delightful first impression.

Hello. I'm Bree Van De Kamp,
your new neighbor.

Is this your frog?

Bree was not one of them.

Yes. Why?

Well, it seems that my son
stole it from your yard.

Oh, well, I don't mind.

If he likes it so much,
he's welcome to keep it.

Well, don't tell him that.

If he doesn't feel guilty,
he'll never learn shame.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh. Um, this I
our new neighbor.

It seems her son accidentally
took my garden frog.


Please don't make excuses
for him.

That is exactly what
his father does. Rex!

This is my husband Rex.

Hi. We're not weird.
We just seem like we are.

And this is my son...

the criminal.

Go on.

I'm sorry I stole from you.

Just so you know, my Mom
did teach me right from wrong,

so my actions should in no way

influence your opinion
of her as a parent.

Well, is there anything
you'd like to say to my son?

Feel free to be harsh.

No, I'm... I'm good.

Well, now that we've finished
with all this unpleasantness,

I want to assure you

that we are going to be
good neighbors,

and I hope in time,
great friends.

That sounds... lovely.

Come on.

Oh, wait.
I'm--I'm sorry.

It was Rex, Andrew and...
what was your name again?



You're Bree Van De Kamp,

Do I know you?

Orson Hodge.
Uh, Susan's dentist friend.

We met after her house
burned down.

Oh. I'm so sorry.
I didn't recognize you.

Small word, huh?

Yes. Uh, excruciatingly so.


What are you doing here?

Well, three or four times
a week, I visit my--my friend.

What about you?

Oh, I just thought id be
a lovely place

to take a nice, long rest.


Um, listen,

I told my friends that
I was, um, I was at a spa,

so if you run into Susan,
your secret is safe.

And seriously...

I am not
like these other people.

Oh, I can tell.

A real lady always
stands out in a crowd.

Well, that was...
very sweet.

Enjoy your rest,
Bree Van De Kamp.

Boy, do I feel for you.

Trying to convince your friends
that you're still normal,

and you're surrounded
by a bunch of loons.

You, too?

Oh, please.

Dr. Barr goes out of his way
to make me feel

like a complete psychopath.

I think he's crazier
than the patients, actually.

You know that, um,
that woman in the wheelchair?

What's her story?
Yeah, she's a kooky one.

She hasn't spoken a word
since she got here.

She just sits there
all day long

waiting for your friend
to come and visit.

He talks to her for hours,

but I don't even think
she can hear him.

Oh, hi.

You said to stop by
for coffee sometime.

I got coffee.

So I can't believe
you caught me spraying for ants.

I must look like a wreck.

you look kinda sexy.

You've gotta be kidding.

Oh, the way you're taking
charge--it's impressive.

They're just ants,
and they're tiny.

Of course,
they do outnumber me.

Oh, you said you wanted
to handle things yourself,

and you're making it happen.
It's good to see.


Even if it does mean

you're not in the market
for a relationship right now.

Oh. Did I say that?

You certainly implied it.

Well, sometimes I say things
I don't mean.

I blame it on my frequent
exposure to ant spray.

What the hell is this?

Karl. What do you want?

Well, I can't believe
you're forcing our daughter

to live in a house
with wheels.

I think we need
to talk about this.

It's temporary,

and if you don't mind,
I'm having coffee.

Oh, it's okay, Susan.

Hey, sorry. I don't mean
to chase you out, buddy,

but, uh, this is really
a family thing.

Oh, no, I understand.



I'll call you later.

You've got a great swing.

You just need a little help
around the greens.

You know what they say--

drive for show,
putt for dough. Am I right?

That is so true.

All right.
I'll see you out there.

Make me something strong.

I have nine more holes
with that guy.

Jim, it was just an hour ago
that the road crew

working here on route 57

saw a member of their own
killed by oncoming traffic.

the victim was a Hispanic male
in his early 40s

who, for years, was a prominent
businessman in the area.

police aren't releasing a name

until the next of kin
can be notified.

we, of course,
will keep you updated...

on any late-breaking

as this tragic story unfolds.

reporting live from route 57,
this is Craig Siyumina.

back to you.

Mrs. Solis!
Why you home?

Carlos is dead, Xiao-mei.

No, please don't kill him.

No, you don't understand.
He's already dead.

There was an accident.

He's all over the highway.


he in kitchen.

Hey, babe.
Why you home so early?

Oh, honey!
Oh, you're not dead!

Who said I was dead?

The police. They called me.
- What are you talking about?

Honey, they didn't know
all the details,

but a witness said
that they saw you

run into the carpool lane
to pick up a lawn chair

that had fallen
off some truck,

and then a bus hit you
right in front of the road crew.

Why aren't you at the road crew?
- I paid Ralph to go in my place.


Well, Carlos,
they had your name.

Oh, no. poor Ralph.


Why is your back
all sweaty?

I was working out
on the treadmill.


For God sakes,
Gabrielle, Ralph just died,

and you're worried
about my feet?

I mean, what the hell
is wrong with you?

My fault.

You must find that
very peaceful.

Why would you assume that?

Because that's all you've been
doing for three sessions.

I still don't know
anything about you,

except that you rake
in remarkably straight lines.

Is that what you're doing,

asking me all those
ridiculous questions

about my childhood,
trying to get to know me?

Well, here's a clue.
I'm not crazy.

I just have a few issues.
- And psychotherapy is how we
help you deal with those issues.

What kind of treatment did you
think you were going to get?
- Honestly, I was hoping

that you'd medicate
the hell out of me.

You don't need
anything stronger

than what I've already
prescribed for you.

I have aspirin at home
that packs more of a punch.

It says here
your husband died,

you had a boyfriend
who killed himself,

and you suffer
from alcoholism.

That's a lot of trauma
for one year.

What about your kids?

Oh, they're fine.

Andrew is backpacking
through Europe,

and Danielle is away
at cheerleading camp.

What's your relationship
with them like?

What do you mean?

Are you close?

Do they share things
with you?

What do you feel
about them?

You know, I really don't
have time for this nonsense.

Are you going to give me
some serious drugs or not?


Fine. Then I'm going back
to my room.

You know, Bree, I can't
force you to open up to me,

but I can make it easier for
you to focus on your problems.

And how are you
going to do that?

I'm going
to tell the orderlies

to confiscate
all your personal items.

I committed myself

When you signed
those pars,

I became responsible
for your well-being,

and I will help you
in any way I see fit.
- I don't need that much help,

because I am not like
your other patients.
- Oh, sure, you are.

You just don't know it yet.

Your son confessed to murder.
We've got it on tape.

My son has the mind
of a child, detective.

He'd confess to sinking
the Titanic.

This letter was sent
some months ago

to the Chicago police,
saying the person they arrested

for the Melanie Foster murder
was innocent.

We have a hunch
you wrote it.

Really? I didn't know hunches
were considered evidence

in a court of law.

They aren't.

But this is.

We found some of
the assailant's DNA.

On this jacket.

Now all we need
is a matching sample.

You, by any chance,
recognize the jacket?

It's not Caleb's.

You can try and deny it,


You don't understand.

That jacket belongs
to my other son.

And out of nowhere,
he just attacked me.

My brother's
never been violent.

I'm sure he didn't mean
to hurt you.

But he did.

Let me just take you home.

This has been
pretty traumatic for me.

I-I-I think that you should
come over for the next few days

So we can talk it out.

We broke up, Mel. It is not
my job to hold your hand.

Well, maybe I shouldn't
go home right away.

Maybe I should go
to the cops first.

The cops?

I was attacked.

It's my civic duty to report it,
don't you think?

Mel, I just told you

that Caleb did not mean
to do what he did, okay?

Melanie, please.
- Screw you.

no, you cannot tell anybody
about this!

I can tell who I want! Get your hands off of me!
We're talking about my brother here!

Your brother is going to go
to jail for the next ten years,

so I say let go!

Hey, Melanie!


You leave my family alone!

we all met Lynette Scavo

the day
she moved onto Wisteria Lane.

we quickly decided
she would be our friend,

mostly because we were
afraid to have her as an enemy.

...playing Russian roulette with my ovaries and--
- Lynette!

- Hi.

Hi. Uh, we just
wanted to come

welcome you
to the neighborhood.

Um, but we could
come back later.
- Yeah.

No, wait. Actually, wait.
This is perfect.

You know why? Because we need
some impartial judges.
- Lynette...

Let's suppose your husband
begged you to get pregnant--

begged you--and out
of the goodness of your heart,

you agreed, even though
it might derail your career.

You agreed to a baby.
A baby, singular.

Lynette, we've just met
these people.

Then--then you go in
for an ultrasound,

and you hear
two heartbeats.

Then and only then does
your husband tell you

that twins run
in his family.

I didn't think
it was that big a deal!

Your family had
eight sets of twins

over three generations,

not to mention your relatives
in Kentucky with triplets!

Triplets! So I ask you,

do I not deserve to punish
this man severely?

Well, actually, I think

that twins are genetically
determined by the mother.

What are you,
a scientist?

No. No,
I write children's books.

Um, we, uh, just came over
to introduce ourselves,

but we can, um,
do that at another time.

No, wait. Please stay.
It's okay.

We're okay.
We're okay, right?

Honey, we don't wanna
freak out the new neighbors.

I'm sorry that you saw
my panic attack.

I won't
let it happen again,

especially since this is
my last pregnancy.

Right. You're the boss.
I'm just your love slave.


Well, don't encourage him.

Honey, clearly, our new neighbors consent

that you have been gifted
with a phenomenal husband.



Could you come here
for a second?

We need to have
a serious talk.

Okay, we have had
a great... vacation,

but tomorrow
we're going home.

Except we're not going
to our home.

We're gonna go stay
with grandma.

Is Dad
gonna be there?

No, Dad is not
gonna be there,

but he--he is gonna come
and see you guys all the time.

We are still
gonna be a family.

It's just...

We won't be living
in the same place anymore.


Is there any questions
you wanna ask me?

Can we go
swimming now?


Mike, what a surprise.

Yeah. How's it goin'?

Good, good. I'm...

just came in to get
a new battery for my watch.

So... Whatcha doin'?

Oh, just buying something
for my grandma.

It's her 90th birthday.

Here we go.

This will sweep her
right off her feet.

It's elegant, and she can
build on it for anniversaries.

Lucky grandma.

You dog. You're gonna ask
Susan to marry you, aren't you?

I didn't say that.
- Man, I'm cool.

As far as I'm concerned,
Susan's old news, so...

Mazel tov.

I don't suppose
there's any hope

of you keeping your mouth shut
about this, is there?

I wanted to surprise her.
- Oh, trust me, brother.
She'll be surprised,

and not just
by how small that rock is.

look, I-I know
it's an expensive car,

but I need one,
so can I get the money?

You're a lousy liar, kid.
I read the papers.

I know what happened
to your father.

My guess is he's in the market
for a fancy lawyer

to get him
some rich man's justice.


Paul Young put Deirdre

00:30:32,537 --> 00:30:34,638
My daughter. Your mother.

So we're clear,

I don't write checks
to monsters.

Why can't you
just give me the money?

You're dying.
You don't need it. I do.

Don't cry, Zach.
It pisses me off.

Well, you said all of this
was gonna be mine,

so when do I get it?!

"Empire" is
a highfalutin word,

but that's what I've built.


an empire can only be ruled
by an iron fist

and a strong gut.

I wanted to give it to you,

But I'm starting to have
my doubts about you.

So what?

Are you cutting me off?

I don't have any use
for weakness.

Get out.

What, are you gonna kill me?

Prove you're a tough guy?

That's why I can't give you

the keys to the kingdom,

No balls.

we met Gabrielle Solis the day
she moved to Wisteria Lane.

we were all excited
to get a glimpse

of a successful new york model.


we saw more...

Hi there.

than we bargained for.

I'm Mary Alice.


This is Susan,
uh, Lynette and Bree.

to the neighborhood.

Well, I am Gabrielle Solis.

Would it be better
if we came back at another time?

Oh! No, no. I was...

just changing
out of my sweaty clothes.

I didn't realize
moving was such great cardio.

Hey, babe, we haven't tried it
in the kitchen yet.

Honey, uh, I think it's time
to unpack the pants.


It's nice to meet you ladies.

Let me guess--newlyweds?

Four months,

and I've dressed like this
for two of 'em.

He's insatiable.

Hey, what are you doing?

Babe, it's kind of late.

You don't wanna have sex
with me?

You always wanna have sex
with me.

You wanted to have sex
with me

an hour
after your hernia operation.

I'm a little preoccupied.

A good man died today.

Don't take it personally.

Xiao-mei said
the strangest thing to me.

When I told her
you were dead,

she said,
"Please don't kill him."

That poor kid.

Oh. We really need to get her
some English lessons.

what are you doing?

I'm trying to sleep.

Morning, ladies.

Karl! What are you doing?

I've got a little surprise
planned for my girls.

So just sit back and relax.
We'll be there shortly.

No, no, no, no.
No, turn my house around.


out to the right,

My gift to you.

You bought us a house?

Let's have a look around.
There's three bedrooms,

a gourmet kitchen...
for what it's worth.

There's a guest house
in the back

that you could use as a studio.
There's a pool.

A pool? Really? Aah!

What's the catch?

There's no catch.
It's yours, Susie.

Yours and Julie's,
no strings attached.

I can't accept this.

I just--I gotta get out
of this mess on my own.

This is not charity.

I owe you...

for everything I've done
over the years,

for all the heartache
I've inflicted on you.

Consider it payback.


There's a pool and a jacuzzi!

At least no one
can drive off with it

while you're sleeping, huh?

hey, it's Susan.

just wanted you to know I let
the electrician in your house.

I hope you're having
a great time at the spa.

Bree, hi. It's Betty.

I'm--I'm sorry to leave this
on the machine,

but the police have evidence
that implicates Matthew

in the murder
of Melanie foster.

we have to find them, Bree.

we have to find them
and get Danielle back.

you let go of me
right now!
- Hey, hey!

What's going on here?
- I am trying to leave,
and these morons won't let me.

Do you know that you can be
arrested for kidnapping,

for detaining someone?!
- Why do you need to leave?

Because my daughter is in danger.
Something happened at cheerleading camp.

Okay, there's no camp.
That was a fib on my part.

I found out that she ran away
with a boy,

and the boy is a murderer.
A murderer?

I can tell by your tone
that you don't believe me.

Bree, let's talk about this
in my office.

I don't have time for therapy,
you quack!

Now let me out of here!
Let go of me!

You idiot, let go of me!

You know that I
committed myself voluntarily!

You can't do this to me!

Bree, please, don't struggle.

If anything happens
to my daughter,

so help me God...

We're only trying to help.

Mr. Young, you'll need
to come up to the house

to sign
some legal documents.

What for?

Noah Taylor's will called
for an immediate transference

of his entire estate to you
upon his death.

So everything's mine?

That's correct.

Hi, Dad.

so, did you have
any luck with your grandfather?

Yeah, I talked to Noah.

He's not gonna give us
the money.

Damn it, Zach!

Go back and talk to him.

No, I-I don't think
he's gonna change his mind.

Am I gonna see you tomorrow?

No, I-I can't come tomorrow.

What about Monday?

Uh, next week's bad for me,

I'll--I'll call you
when I know.
- Zach? Zach!

Is there anything I can do?

Yeah, get me a new phone
with a different number.

And fill in
this stupid lake.

Careful with those.

The last of the crystal.
- Okay.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, hi.
Um, we're just moving.

Hey! It's the plumber.

You come over to help Susie
move into her new house?

New house?

Oh, she didn't tell you?
I bought a place for my girls.

You let him buy you
a house?

Uh, well,
he's not moving in with us.

After that speech about
wanting to go it alone,

and after I offered
to let you stay with me?

To be fair,
you just had a spare room,

and this is a whole house.

Hey, no offense,

if you're not using your back,
you're just in the way.

You saw me
buying that ring,

and you just had
to cut me off.

You bought me a ring?

Suze, let me handle this.

A man's gotta protect
his family.

Uh, Mike, about that ring...
- Put that box down.

What, you gonna hit me,

stop it! Oh, my...

What are you--
just stop it! Oh, that's enough!

Just get off! Get off! Go! Go!
Oh, my God.

What? Stop! That's enough.
Enough, enough. Back up.

And that ring--
that was for me, right?
- Not now.

oh, my...


Karl, are you okay?

Are you okay? Let me see.

Oh, my God.


can you sit up?


do you have a second?

This is probably silly,
but it's been bothering me.

When you said,
"Please don't kill him,"

did you mean Carlos?

Ralph dead, not Mr. Solis.

I know. It's just,
you said "kill," not "dead."

And I'd have to do be
pretty angry to kill someone,

so I guess my question is,

do I have a reason
to be angry at Mr. Solis?

Please, so much laundry.


how did you rip
your panties?

I fall down.

Says here Dr. Bader
examined Xiao-mei last week,

and everything was fine.

Yeah, I know.

It's just, she's been
having pain... down there.

So if you could take a peek,

it'd make me feel
so much better.

Of course.

Um, and, Doctor, uh,

while you're down there,

could you check
if she's still a virgin?

I'm sorry?

You don't even have
to say it out loud.

If you see hymen,
just give me a thumbs up.

What's this now?

I wanna swim.

Well, we already swam.
Now it's time to pack.

Hey, hey, hey!
What's going on?

Dad would let me swim.

Well, Dad's not here,

so I decide,
and I decide no.

Oh, Porter,
what are you doing?


Hey, get down off that
right now. I mean it!

Okay! Okay, okay, Porter,
just stop, all right?

Just come on inside, and we'll
forget the whole thing.

Aah! No!



Hey, guys. God! Ooh, God,
I've missed you so much.

Oh, you, too, munchkin.

Where's Porter?
Is he okay?

He broke his arm.
They took him up to X-ray.

Hey, guys, why don't you look
after your sister for me, okay?

Mommy and Daddy
need to talk.

I've got nothing to say
to you.

I just called
because I had to.

Honey, whatever you saw,
I can explain it.

I am not interested,

and if you wanna
keep those fingers,

I would move 'em away from my b

I am not cheating on you.

I never have,
and I never will.

I saw you
with that woman.

Her name is Nora. I met her 12 years ago.
- I don't care what her name is.

I met her before you. She was
a dancer on a cruise ship.

We had a one night stand.

I haven't thought about her in years.
- Then why are you
going to Atlantic City

every other weekend to visit her?

I have another child,


She got pregnant
from the one night stand.

Nora raised the kid
without ever telling me.

I only just found out
about it.

That is why I have been
going back and forth.

I am not having an affair.


The little girl's name
is Kayla.

She's 11 years old.

I know I should've told you
about this sooner.

It's just that I wanted to take
a paternity test to be sure,

and I'm definitely the Dad.

Why did she wait so long
to contact you?

She said she wanted
to raise the kid alone,

and I... I guess
she's changed her mind, honey.

Baby, I am so sorry.

Not ready for that yet.


You have no idea how badly
you scared me.

I am so sorry.

I had already let you go.

Dad! I got a blue cast.

Hey, buddy. You sure did.
That's pretty cool.


It itches.
Can we go home now?

Yeah. We're going home.

Have they rung up
your prescription yet?

No, they're getting it
right now.

Good. Add that on.

You're dying your hair
honey wheat blond?

Oh, it's not for me.

It's for Danielle.

That hair is going back
to the color God intended.

You actually think
she's gonna sit still

as you towel this
through her hair?

Oh, I will tie her down
if necessary.

I'm also thinking of checking
her body for piercings

While I'm at it.
- You're overreacting.

She's just going through
a phase.

That's what
girls her age do.

They also get pregnant
and become drug addicts.

And that color hair
is the gateway.

Would you please, uh,
add that to our bill?

I'm telling you, Bree,

You're gonna have to
stop riding 'em so hard.

I am trying to ensure that they
turn into responsible adults.

Trust me, Rex,
in the end,

we will be rewarded.

How can you be so damn sure
of yourself all the time?

Why is my certainty a flaw?

I know what I'm about,
I know my values,

and I know what's right.

Why shouldn't I stay
the course?

Am I right,
Mr. Williams?

My mother always took
a firm hand with me,

and I thank her for it.

Exactly, and look how well
you turned out.

Look, you're a good mother,
but there's a limit.

You have got to relinquish
some control,

or else
you're gonna regret it.

Excuse me.
Do you have the time?

Yeah, it's just after 8:00.
- Oh, I was afraid of that.

Afraid of what?

Well, I'm only supposed
to be restrained until 7:00.

You see, I have a problem
with sleepwalking.

They just tie me up
so that I don't wander off

and hurt myself.

Yeah, well, I'm sure a nurse
will be in here soon.

One can only hope.

Of course, if a doctor
gets here first

and sees that someone
forgot to release me,

I'm sure they'd get
in a lot of trouble.

Lady, I can't let you
out of your restraints.

I'd get fired.

Oh. Well, I certainly would not
want that to happen.

What's your name?


Oh! Does anybody ever
call you "Alfie"?


And why should they?

So, um, Alfred,

I was wondering if you could
maybe loosen my restraints.

They're incredibly tight,

and I'm sure
there are no rules

against making me
more comfortable.

Do you think I'm stupid?

I beg your pardon?

Two seconds after I loosen
these little restraints,

you'll try to scratch
my eyes out

and make a run for it.

Well, I'm not falling for it,
you psycho little bitch.

In fact, I hope they keep you
tied up for the next month.

'cause I'd get a real kick
out of watching

a prissy little whack job
like you

lying in your own filth.

Know what I mean?

Oh. Are you all right?

Uh, yeah. A little hopped up
on pain medicine, but, um,

I chipped my tooth
on the salad shooter.

Oh. Oh, you know,
you should, um,

call my friend Orson.

He's a dentist.

I'm sure he'll see you right away.
- Thanks.


about that ring you bought--

Is there anything particular
you'd like to ask me?

not as long Karl's got you

wrapped around his finger.

Okay, that's ridiculous.

Karl doesn't have me
wrapped around anything.

You accepted a house from him,
and you're nuts if you believe

he doesn't have
an ulterior motive.

He's Karl.
He's playing me.

But that house is gonna be
a great place

for my daughter to live.

And when he makes his move,

he's gonna realize that
I was really playing him.

So... about that ring...

I... I just don't want
to get deeper into this

and suddenly realize
your heart's somewhere else.

Mike, my heart is
in the exact right place.

Ugh. I can't have this conversation

now my tooth is throbbing.

Of course.


You don't even wanna know
what my answer would have been?

Can we please
get out of here?

This place is gross.

And, God, I'm starving.

Yeah, I know, but we don't
have any money, remember?

That's why we should
go to my house.

I know the combination
to my Mom's safe.

Okay, I've told you
a thousand times,

It's way too risky. No.
- Something you should know before we embark

on this little adventure--

I can get pretty bitchy
when I'm not fed.

Listen, I hope
I'm not out of line here,

but did you ever spend
any time in prison?

What, you can tell
from my teeth?

Jailhouse dentistry--
unmistakable and not pretty.

Yeah, I did a little time
in Kansas a few years back.

Were you a prison dentist?

Uh, during dental school,
we did freebie work

on some of the poor guinea pigs
behind bars. No offense.

You know, I had the feeling
when I first saw you

In the movie theater
that we'd met before.
- I don't think so.

Oh, I'm pretty sure.
I think I know you.

Any chance I was
one of your guinea pigs?

No. the only prison work
I did was back in Virginia.

Diploma says you graduated
from Minnesota.

I'm licensed
in three states.

Open wide, please.

Don't talk.
I wouldn't want to hurt you.

Carlos, you promised
you'd come home today.

Well, I don't care
what Tanaka wants!

Rattling around
this stupid house all by myself

is not what I signed up for!

No, no, no, don't hang up on me.
I'm not done yelling at you!

Mrs. Solis.

How are you?

The best you've ever had.

What's so funny?

Me and my friend Justin
had this bet.

See who could lose
their virginity first

this summer at bible camp.

Guess I beat him
to the punch.

You were a virgin?

So it didn't show?

Uh, no.

No, I mean, I guess it was,
well, weird when

you started naming the American
presidents in order.

Ah, I wish you hadn't
heard that.

I was just trying to...

No, no, you were good.

Just, if it comes up in school,
Paul Revere was never president.

Oh. Thanks.

I, uh, had a really
awesome time, Mrs. Solis.

Well, good. I'm glad,

because this can
never happen again.


The only reason I did this

was because I was angry
at Carlos.

Now, thanks to you,
I'm not angry anymore.

Well, you should be.
I mean, the guy's never around.

Hell, he's probably off having
his own affair right now.

I seriously doubt that.

How do you know?

Because Carlos doesn't have
an adulterous bone in his body.

What we just did
he could never do.

For him, sex isn't just sex.
It's a sign of intimacy.

It's the way he shows love.

You know, instead of
talking and listening

and spending time with me.

What was that for?

Thought you needed a kiss.

Well, since this is
our last time,

I guess we can make
the most of it.

So... you really trust him,


Like all good mothers,

Gabrielle had purchased several
top-of-the-line baby monitors.

She had planned to use them
to keep a close watch

on her newborn child.

That plan was about to change.

So I'm gonna go shopping

and then I'm gonna see
my trainer,

and I'll definitely be gone
for, like, three hours.

Okay. Well, I gotta go.
Have fun.

not later, Penny.

Mommy's gotta change you now
'cause you stink.

Here, taste this.

Oh, man!

that is amazing.

You like?

Oh, yeah.
Sorry if I'm making a mess.

It's okay. Mu shun pork
supposed to be messy.

I wish Gabrielle could
cook like this.

Have you ever tried
her enchiladas?

One time
they make me sick.

Ugh. He will,
and he'll meet you

for a romantic
motor home rendezvous,

and you'll propose,
he'll accept,

and you'll both live
happily ever after.

You really think
that's what's gonna happen?

It's my deepest hope.

Oh, there he is.

We're in.




I said I wanted Penny.

Oh, Lynette...

eight hours
of grueling labor.

That's not fair.

Neither are stretch marks,
but what are you gonna do?

I've only known one Penny
in my whole life,

And she was a slut.
- Isn't your aunt named Penny?

Yeah, that's her.

Our daughter
is officially named.

You may go now.

All right,
I'll let you win this one,

but I get to name
the next one.

You promised me
we'd stop at four.

You wanted four kids,

I wanted one, and somehow
we compromised on four.

Can we please stop now?

Lynette, you're hurting me.

I will stop
as soon as you promise.

Okay, I promise.


Honey, I...
I didn't mean to upset ya.

It's just...

We've been so happy.

Sweetie, sometimes when
you're at work,

and I'm home alone
with three young boys,

I'm not so happy,

and now I'm gonna be alone
with four kids.

Each one is a blessing,

but I don't think I can
take any more... blessings.

More blessings could make me
lose my mind.

Do you understand?


Thank you.

Honey, that really hurt.

Did it hurt for eight hours?


Okay, then.

I must have been crazy,
agreeing to this.

Honey, you're gonna feel

once you meet Kayla.

She is sweet,
smart little girl,

plus it'll help you get past
your resentment of Nora.

I don't...

Well, here goes.

Hey, you!

You must be Lynette.
And you must be Nora.

I guess it'd be weird
if we hugged.


Wh-where's Kayla?

Oh, she didn't come.

We got into this huge fight,
and I was, like...

I just couldn't stand
to look at her face

on that long plane trip, so I
dumped her at the neighbors'.

But, hey, come on,
you got me.

So, anyway,
Kayla is doing great.

She's so pretty.
She's so smart.

She's practically a star
on her soccer team.

I have the cutest picture.

You know,
we wouldn't need a picture

if you had actually
brought her like you promised.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

You know, but I just
haven't had much time

to get away on my own since,
um, I've been taking care

of your kid for
the past 11 years, Superdad!

Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

I know it's been hard.
You've done an amazing job.

Thank you. I think, so, too.
Apology accepted.

Anyway, I wasn't sure
that I wanted Kayla here

if we were gonna talk
about business.


I was hoping that we could
talk about child support

Since I've got, like,
11 years coming to me, right?

You never told me
I had a daughter.

My lawyer thinks
that I have a very good case.

We can't afford this.
We have four kids.

Tom just lost his job.
That'd bankrupt us.

I'm the bad guy now
when he's the one

that knocked me up
and abandoned his child?

How could he abandon her if
he didn't even know she existed?

That doesn't let him
off the hook.

You know, you better do right
by me unless, of course,

you wanna be known
as Mrs. Deadbeat Dad!

Just take it easy.

Are we just gonna keep
talking louder?

Is that the plan?

You wanna just keep
raising your voice

'cause that's how you get
what you want, right?

You make a scene,
you throw a tantrum,

and everyone gets scared
and backs off.

Well, I don't work that way,

I don't care that my husband
was so phenomenally stupid

and/or drunk to actually
have sex with you.

I'm not gonna let it ruin
my life.

Am I talking loud enough

for that to get through to you?

I'm just gonna pay
the bill.

Karl, we've been through
a lot together.

We will always be connected
by Julie,

but... I know why
you bought me that house,

And I'm not moving into it.

Susie, come on, I--

Karl, we are not
getting back together.

Not ever. You need to just stop
and realize that it's over.

I'm gonna marry Mike.

So I need you
to sign these

because I have to be
divorced first.

Mike popped the question

No. He was going to, but then
you clocked him in the mouth

with a salad shooter,

Actually, I'm going to pop
the question to him

tomorrow night.

Guess it cuts down
on the suspense

knowing he bought you
a ring.

You would think so,
but, no, it doesn't.

This is a lot to ask

for a man
who still loves you, Susie.

I know.

But if you really do...
love me,

you'll let me go.

Okay, Susie.
I can do that.

Well, you know where to find me
if it doesn't work out.

Oh, shut up.

I don't see another way
to make this work.

We've gotta dip
into the pensions.

Oh, I don't like
the sound of that.

Well, it's that
or the kids' college fund.

We'll write Nora
one big check,

and in return,
she'll sign away her claim

for the back child support.

If we're lucky, she'll take
the bird in the hand.

Okay, what are we
talking about? How much?

Well, we need to show her
we're serious.


Are you kidding? $30,000?
If she takes you to court,

we'll lose
and end up paying

11 years of child support
all at once.

We could lose the house.

Oh, we are screwed.
We are just plain screwed.
- Tom!

I am trying very hard
to be strong right now,

and you melting down
is not helping me.

I'm sorry.

I know we're using up
a huge chunk of our savings,

but if it keeps that crazy woman
out of our life,

it is the best money
we have ever spent.

We will be okay.

Hey there.

I was surprised to hear
you wanted a session.

Well, there's nothing like
being tied to a bed

to change a girl's mind.

What do you wanna
talk about?

Anything at all.

As you said, I...
I have a lot of issues.

Well, I assumed as much

when you told
the ridiculous story

about your daughter
running off with a murderer.

Saw right through that,
did ya?

Well, I'm a trained
professional, Bree.

The human mind
is my playground.

Well, I'm glad
that you're having fun.

I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be flip.

But you came here
because you were troubled,

and then you refuse
any help we give you.

Things were falling apart
at home, and I just...

I just needed a place
to rest, that's all.

I think there's more to it
than that.

Do you?

I think it has to do
with your kids.

You don't want to talk
about them.

Why is that?

Probably because
I'm ashamed.


My children were my life.

They were the reason that
I got up in the morning,

So to have failed them
as a parent...

You think you failed them
as a parent?

Well, my son is a sociopath,

and my daughter hates me enough
to have run away from home.

I'm certainly not gonna get

"Mother of the Year" anytime soon.
- If your kids were here right now,

what would you tell them?
- I would beg my son Andrew
for forgiveness

for having given up on him,

and I would tell my daughter
not to worry,

that I have a plan
to protect her.

And just what is that plan?

I've got everything
ready to go--

flowers, candles,
Elvis Costello CD all cued up.

But who has the ring?
- He does.

So, wait, you're gonna get
down on one knee,

pop the question,
and while you're down there,

dig in his pocket?

Then I'm gonna have to find
a way to force it on my finger.

Oh, Xiao-mei, where'd
you learn to kiss like that?

that's Penny's baby monitor.

It's always picking up weird frequencies.
- No, no, no! Don't turn it off.

Ohh! move over.
My knees hit the dashboard.

I move seat back. Better?

Oh, yeah.

Are you done
with my husband?


I have a little project
for you.

Okay, Gaby, can we please
talk about this?!

You're the one that gave me
permission, remember?

You said, "Go have sex with somebody"!

To have meaningless sex,

not to sleep with the woman
who's carrying our child!

What is the matter?!
Look, we're even!

You had an affair,
and I had an affair!

I had a reason to.
You were never here!

I've been here, Carlos.

I have tried so hard
to not be selfish

and to put your needs
above mine.

I mean, for God sakes,
look at me!

I have agreed to be
a mother for you!

Look, Gaby, you have
every right to be mad at me.

So I'm gonna go
and check into a hotel room

and let you cool down, but we
are going to work this out.

Forget the hotel, Carlos.
Get a lease.

I can go now, too?

No, you can start dinner.


You're not going anywhere,

not as long as you have
my baby in your belly.

I don't know what that meant,
but I didn't like the tone.

So just remember,
am the boss of you,

or else
I'm gonna make this

the worst nine months
of your life.

- Hi.

Did you get the check?

Yeah, I wanted to talk
to you about that.

Do you have a minute?


I'm not the type of person

that can keep things
bottled up inside.

- So I'm just gonna have
to get this off my chest.

You made me feel really bad
about myself

yesterday at the restaurant.

My sincerest apologies.

You treated me
like some sort of mercenary,

like the only reason
I came here

was to extort money from you.

Well, to be honest,
first, we bought you pie,

then you tried
to extort money from us.

See? There it is again,
Lynette--that mean streak.

All I want is what's best for my child,

for Tom's child.

As the mother of 80%
of Tom's children,

I don't think
it's in their best interest

for you to drive us
into bankruptcy.
- Of course it isn't.


I signed the waiver

that the lawyer sent over
with the check.

And I'm not even asking
for any back child support.

That's--that's--that's great.
Thank you.

See, Lynette? See?
It's not all about money.

It's not even a little bit
about money. It's about family.

'cause we're all
a big family now.

Sort of.

Which is why I took
all the money that you gave me,

and I put it all down

on the sweetest little
2-bedroom house

over on Arden Drive.

Ar-Arden Drive over--
over by the mall?

Like, five minutes
from here Arden Drive?

It's perfect. I could drop
Kayla off here anytime

so she can play
with her new siblings.

She can spend time
with her Dad.

Well, to be clear,
how are you going to live?

How are you going to pay
the mortgage?

You don't have a job here.
- What is your problem
with me, lady?!

I don't understand!
You don't know me.

You don't know what I can do.

And yet you just always,


Always on the attack. It's ugly,
and you should work on that.

Here's what I think.

I think that we should
all work on this,

because I don't want
every Christmas to turn ugly

just because you and I
don't get along.

Yeah, that would be a shame.

See, I told you
she wasn't home.

Her car's not even here.

And you said the safe
was upstairs?

Damn it, my mother must have
changed the combination.

Okay. Wait here.
I'll be right back.

You did it.

You killed Melanie.

You put your jacket
on her body.

I saw it, Matthew.

The police showed me
the pictures.

Now you weren't there.
You don't know what happened.

Oh, God.

Caleb hurt her,

and Melanie threatened to bring
us all down because of that.

So your solution was to make
your brother think

he murdered a girl
and to make me think it?

What other choice did I have?

I knew that you wouldn't
had Caleb over to the police.

I knew that
you would protect him.

I would have protected you.

Well, I really couldn't
count on that.


you don't love me
as much as you love Caleb.

You never have.


But it's because
he's needed me more.

You are always going to
find love in the world.

Don't you understand?

He was only ever
going to get it from me.

You know,
I know you believe that.

That's why I've tried
so hard to forgive you.

And who knows?

Maybe one day I will.

- What is your emergency?

I need the police.

See, I told you
she had cash.

Danielle, I don't know
what you're planning,

but I need to talk to you
right now.

Give it up, Mom.
We're leaving.

I'm calling the police.

Do you remember
that girl Melanie Foster?

Matthew is the one
who killed her.

I know you don't want us
to be together,

but that's the lamest thing
I've ever heard.

His mother told me
what happened. It's true.

Let's go, Danielle.

Mom, please move.

I gave up on your brother,

and I'm not gonna make
that mistake with you.

We don't have time for this.

Where did you get that?
What are you doing?!

Move away!


I want you to get out
of the house now.

He's a killer.
- Shut up!

Don't point that
at my mother!


I'm serious. Go.

What's wrong with you?!

I'm gonna shoot you!

Matthew, stop it!

If that's what it takes...

to get my daughter...

Stop it!
- To see who you really are...

Stop pointing that
at my mother!

Then fine.

What are you doing?!
Do it.


It's okay, baby.

Hey, it's just me again.

When you got the invitation,

I thought that you gave me
the thumbs up,

but I guess
if that was actually...

some other type
of finger gesture, uh...

well, I apologize for leaving
you all these messages

and wasting your time.

This is the street
where I used to live...

and these were the people
with whom I shared my life.

I met them the day
they moved in.

And I saw
what they brought with them...

beautiful dreams
for the future.

And quiet hopes
for a better life...

not just for themselves,
but for their children, too.

If I could, would I tell them
what lies ahead?

Would I warn them
of the sorrow and betrayal

that lie in store?

No. From where I stand now,

I see enough of the road
to understand

how it must be traveled.

The trip
is to keep moving forward,

to let go of the fear
and the regret

that slow us down

and keep us from enjoying
a journey

that will be over too soon.

Yes, there will be
unexpected bends in the road,

shocking surprises
we didn't see coming,

but that's really the point...

don't ya think?

- Oh, hey.

I wanted to come by
and see how you were doing

after your great escape,
and, uh, these are for you.

How sweet
and... unexpected.

Do you wanna come in?

I'd love to.