Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 17 - Could I Leave You? - full transcript

Previously on Desperate Housewives:

No adoption agency's
going to touch us.

There are ways to get babies.

- Twenty thousand dollars.
- Wheels were put in motion...

- I love you.
- Oh, thank you.

- I love Mike.
- True emotions were revealed...

- Who the hell is Mike?
- Perception is reality, Andrew.

My name is Bree. And I'm an alcoholic.

And false pretences
became a way of life.

Gabrielle Solis had always been
a demanding shopper.

Carlos, come on.
They're here!



And whatever the purchase,
she always expected the very best,

whether it was exotic perfume
shipped over from Paris,

a high fashion gown
straight from a runway in Milan,

or designer shoes
flown in from Manhattan.

But on this day, her expectations
were going to be put to the test.

You see, Gabrielle
was now shopping for a baby.

And there was a problem
with the manufacturer.

Mostly, I want to feel like
I'm giving my baby to people

who have what it takes
to be really great parents.

You won't find another couple
with more love for a child.

Isn't that right, honey?

Honey?

Right, right.
Lots of love.

- Honey, can I talk to you for a second?
- OK.



- Look, we have to find another mother.
- Why?

This isn't easy to say,
so I'm just gonna say it.

But, have you taken
a good look at her?

You saying you don't want
Deanna's baby because she's plain?

Since that woman walked into our house,
the clocks have stopped working.

No one can predict what a child
is gonna look like.

Her kid could end up
winning beauty contests.

The only thing that kid's
gonna be winning is Best in Show.

Look, I'm sorry.

But I want a pretty baby.
So let's find another mother.

Your obsession with looks
won't screw this up.

I want a child. Any child.

Fine.

Just know in a couple days,
when that thing is born,

and you're gonna have to snuggle up

with something with that face on it,
don't come crying to me.

I'm sorry.
Now, where were we?

Talking about the custody arrangement
once Deanna gives birth.

It's usually best if the mother
doesn't see the child at all.

As soon as the doctors finish
giving their initial check-up...

...delivery room, the baby will be
handed over to you.

Yes, Gabrielle had always been
a demanding shopper.

Sorry.

Because she knew
there are some purchases

that can't be returned.

At 6. 10 the next morning,
Deanna Pruse went into premature labour

and gave birth
to what would eventually be

an incredibly attractive baby boy.

At 11.43, Dr Hanson Mills
cut the umbilical cord,

forever separating mother and child.

At that exact same moment,
Dr Ron McCready

entered the private room
of Susan Mayer

with every intention
of severing their connection.

Hey there. How's it going?

Great. I'm about to be released.

Oh. That's terrific.
Who's Mike?

I... Why do you ask?

I don't know.
No reason.

It's just...

Just before the operation,

just before you went under,
I said, "I love you",

and you said, "I love Mike."

I did? Oh.

Is that why you haven't been in
to see me since my surgery?

Answer the question.

I don't even know a Mike.

Everyone knows a Mike.

Yes, everyone does know a Mike.

I knew a Mike in college.
We did this play, Pippin.

It wasn't very good.
I've never thought of him.

You shouldn't accuse me.
I was probably hallucinating.

Fine. Fine.

So, who's the guy
you're married to?

- Damn that Nurse Hisel.
- Or should I say,

- "Who's the guy you're cheating on?"
- OK, yes.

I did remarry my ex.

Only because he has
health insurance.

Did Miss Blabbermouth
tell you that, too?

- You committed insurance fraud?
- Only in the legal sense.

And I just didn't tell you
because I wanted to protect you.

OK, you know what? You should
come over to dinner and meet Karl,

and you can see that there is
absolutely nothing between us.

Wait, once you're fully recovered,
you're gonna divorce him?

Oh, yeah. That's the plan. I swear.

And you swear that you're not in love
with anyone named Mike?

Sure.

OK. Come here.

I believe you.

The next morning I woke up in an alley,
my wallet had been stolen,

I was lying in a pool
of my own vomit.

That's when I knew
I'd hit rock bottom.

OK. Who's next?

Bree.

Oh, I couldn't possibly top that.

Thank you, though.

Hi. Before coming
to these meetings,

I never realised how messy
substance abusers can be.

We usually leave the doughnut crumbs
for the Overeaters Anonymous group.

- You know, just to mess with them.
- You're awful.

So, tell me,
how long have you been sober?

Gosh. I'm not exactly sure.

Oh. Is somebody still drinking?

Now, why would you say that?

I've never met an alcoholic yet

who didn't know exactly how long
it had been since his last drink.

OK. You got me.

I'm not really an alcoholic.

- You don't say.
- It's true.

I'm coming here because of my son.

You see, he's trying to take me to court

to be an emancipated minor.
He's planning on lying to the judge

and telling him that
I am some sort of dreadful lush.

So, I'm coming to these meetings to give
the impression that I've changed.

But you don't really need to change.

- You don't have a problem with alcohol.
- Exactly.

I tell you what, here's my card.

If you ever do have a problem
or you just feel like talking,

give me a call, OK?

I know you think I'm kidding myself,
but I'm not.

I'm nothing like you people.

I just don't have
a compulsive personality.

Word is out all over
that you're unhappy at Zimms.

So why not jump ship
and come to Parcher & Murphy?

I swear, Veronica,
you would fit in so well here.

I do need to make a change, Lynette.
But the money you're offering...

Yeah, it sucks.
But there are other perks.

- Expense account, corner office...
- I don't know.

You're just gonna have to
give me time to think about it.

Fair enough.
Fair enough.

OK, what is your secret?

How can you eat that
and keep your figure?

It's the breast-feeding.
It burns so many calories.

It's like having a treadmill
strapped to your chest.

- I didn't know you had a child.
- Yes. My son, Donovan.

- He's the love of my life.
- Really, Veronica?

Well, there's another perk
that I just thought of.

Oh, my gosh.
This is fantastic.

They don't have day-care at Zimms.

How can they not? For working parents
like you and me, it's a necessity.

So, is the pot getting sweeter?

Would people be cool
with me breast-feeding?

The guys at Zimms were real jerks.

Parcher & Murphy is mother-friendly.
No one would say a word.

Oh...

- What the heck, I'm in.
- Yeah? Well, that's fantastic.

Oh, my God.
Whose kids are those?

I have absolutely no idea.
Let's go hammer out the details.

Ooh.

These can't be our only choices,
Mr Beale. I mean, come on.

Each girl is uglier than the next.

Finding a gorgeous pregnant woman
willing to give her baby

to folks with a record
isn't a walk in the park.

It could be a walk in the sewer.

We're haemorrhaging money into
your bank account and I expect results.

You know, you can catch more
flies with honey than with vinegar.

If I wanted flies, all I would
have to do is call one of these girls.

Trust me.
The flies would follow.

Excuse me, sir,
Libby Collins is here for you.

I'll be right out there.

I took the liberty of inviting
this girl down to meet you.

Now, I wouldn't exactly say
she's a quality human being,

but she is attractive.

If you don't respond to her,
I'm afraid I'm out of ideas.

He's going to dump us as clients
if you don't stop being so damn picky.

We're gonna stare at this face
for the next 18 years.

I don't think now is the time
to skimp on quality.

Gabrielle, Carlos,

I'd like you to meet Libby.

Well, now, this I can work with.

So, getting pregnant was the worst thing
that could have ever happened to me,

because I went into debt,
and I had to stop performing.

- Libby's a pole dancer in a strip club.
- Oh.

Wow. That sounds like
interesting work.

You'd think so.
But it gets old quickly.

My big dream is
to become a choreographer.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I made up a move
called "The Serpent's Tongue"

and all the girls at the club
are doing it now.

If I had a pole,
I could show you.

We'll have to go to the club
and check that out.

- We'll make a night of it.
- Yeah, we'll do that.

- So who's the father?
- Honestly, I don't know.

I mean, a lot of guys come into
the club and buy me drinks,

and sometimes I get a little bit
more friendly than I intend to.

I hope you don't think I'm a slut.

No. Actually, all we think about when we
look at you is how pretty you are.

I've heard enough, Mr Beale. If Libby
here likes us as much as we like her,

we should just go ahead
and move to adopt her baby girl.

First, we should probably talk about
how much money I want.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Nobody's buying a baby here.
That's illegal.

Money can never exchange hands.
You'll make a list of your expenses

- and the Solises here will pay.
- Oh, but can't they also buy me gifts?

I knew this one girl who gave up
her baby and she got a Harley.

I don't know that
we can afford a Harley,

but we'll find some way
to express our gratitude.

OK. Whatever.

Well, my lunch break is over.
So I have to get back to the club.

Until I get rid of this kid,
I'm slinging drinks.

It was really nice to meet you,
Mr and Mrs Solis.

- Oh, it's actually pronounced "Solis."
- Sorry.

- So what kind of name is that?
- It's Mexican.

Both our families come
from Guadalajara.

- I figured you were Italian.
- Nope. Latino and proud of it.

Good for you.

Wow, she's gorgeous.

Yeah. My little girl's going to inherit
some wonderful genes.

Is this Libby's real hair colour?

Yes. It's all natural from
her straight teeth to her C cup.

She's athletic because
she's a pole dancer.

So I really hope that my little girl
inherits that as well.

The athletic gene.
Not the pole dancing gene.

Susie, baby!

Oh, I got your call.
I thought I'd stop by.

I didn't realise
you had company. Hello.

We'll just be a second.

- Just wheel me. Be right back.
- Just be a sec.

Did he just call her baby?

Yeah. When did they stop
hating each other?

I need you to ditch Edie tomorrow night
and have dinner with Dr Ron and me.

Now why would I do that?

For starters, because
you banged your secretary

and you owe me
for the rest of your life.

I'll bring the wine.

Well, you know,
before Mike came along,

I assumed they'd get back together.

Why? I thought
they annoyed each other.

During the good times there was
such a spark between them.

So much passion.

They would always
make each other laugh.

You told Dr Ron that
you still love Mike?

OK, will you shut up?
It's not funny. I was drugged.

Right. Sorry. Sorry.

So, how'd you get out of that one?

- I told him I didn't know a Mike.
- Everyone knows a Mike.

- I am aware of that.
- Why didn't you just...

Because I panicked, OK?

Dr Ron hadn't come in
to see me since the operation

and I was feeling insecure,

and I just didn't feel like the truth
was a luxury I could afford.

Yes, go ahead.
You may resume laughing.

Ladies. Always a pleasure.
And you I'll see tomorrow.

What?

This is just a sketch,
but you see what I'm thinking of?

I love it.
I just love it.

Let's get a copy to Ed.

I've got to take this.
It's Tom.

My nanny is here with my son.
I need to go feed him anyway.

Take your time. Hey, honey.
How's the Big Apple treating you?

Good. Did those snooty clients
like your pitch?

Well, that's perfect. Excellent.

I'm... I'm...
I'm gonna call you back.

Oh, my God.

Hello there.

I thought you and your friend
might like some snacks.

He's my lawyer and this
is privileged communication.

- So get out.
- There's no need to be rude.

This is very kind of you,
Mrs Van De Kamp.

I'm still appalled
you're helping my son

with this ridiculous
emancipation scheme.

But, you are a guest in my house,
and guests get sandwiches.

If you'd let me go to his office,
you wouldn't have to be nice to him.

Andrew, there may be a judge out there
stupid enough to emancipate you.

But until you find him,
I retain all my parental rights.

One of which is to ground
your sorry behind until kingdom come.

Mr Bormanis,
nice to see you again.

And please don't
get crumbs on my carpet.

You have got to get me out of here.

- That bitch is driving me crazy.
- Well, this case is not a slam-dunk.

Her drinking's supposed to be our
silver bullet. Since she joined AA...

We've gotta do something.
If she wins, she's gonna own me.

My advice? Convince her it's
in her best interest to let you go.

You don't want to see
the inside of a courtroom.

- Why?
- In family court,

appearance means everything.

If she came off abusive
or stoned or even uncaring,

we'd be in good shape.

But if there's one thing
your mom understands...

It's presentation.

- Can I borrow 50 dollars?
- Purse.

- Why do you want so much money?
- I'm 19.

I need money.
Do I have to be interrogated?

You do if you want a dime out of me.
What's it for?

Danielle's birthday is next week.
I want to get her a decent present.

Write her a poem.
It's free.

- Is there something else you want?
- Do you think I like to beg for money?

I do this because
you won't let me get a job.

Looking after your brother is
a full-time job, for both of us.

- You know that.
- Well, screw him.

I'm serious. We have both put
our entire lives on hold, and for what?

In almost a year
he hasn't gotten better.

- I see him improving.
- Because you see what you want to see.

It's time to put him away.
Let professionals take care of him.

We wouldn't have to move.
We could have our lives back.

What's wrong?

- You're fighting.
- No.

Sweetie. Matthew's friend Danielle
has a birthday coming up.

We were just talking about
what gift to give her.

Well, I was thinking jewellery.

So 50 bucks should do it.

Why not 20?
You don't want to spoil her.

On page six, is an example
of the new print ad.

- Check it out.
- I'm thirsty.

Oh, honey, everyone's working.
I'm sorry, this'll just take a sec.

Is it just me or is that bizarre?

It's bizarre.
Totally bizarre.

- We've got to make her stop this.
- Hey, don't get me wrong.

I find that as bizarre as you guys do.

But right now, this firm needs Veronica
more than she needs us.

Telling a mother how to raise her kids
is an act of war. We will lose her.

The kid is five.
It's disgusting.

Well, we'll just ask her to keep
the blinds always drawn when she nurses.

We'll still know what's going on.
It's a distraction.

And God forbid a client sees her.

OK. So who's gonna tell her?

You're a woman.
It's easier for you to talk to her

- about milk and boobs and stuff.
- No. No. Plea...

Don't make me.
Why don't you have Jerry tell her?

I made a pass at her yesterday.
It'd be weird.

You can do it
without offending her. Come on.

Take one for the team.

OK. But for the record,
the team is made up of wimps.

The team's aware of that
and accepts your loathing.

Yeah? Hi. No, no, no. We were just out
buying some stuff for the baby.

What's up?

Seriously? OK.

Thanks for calling.

- What is it?
- That was our lawyer.

- Libby rejected us as parents.
- Why?

- Because we're Mexican.
- What?

That's discrimination.
We could have her arrested.

It's her baby. She can do
whatever the hell she wants to with it.

- Damn it.
- No. No.

You don't toss people aside
because of the colour of their skin.

We tossed mothers aside
because of their appearance.

- Well, that's different.
- Why?

I've read the Constitution.
It does not protect ugly people.

Let's not fight about it.
Let's just move on to the next one.

No. No, no, no.
I want that woman's baby.

And I'm gonna get it.

And just how are you gonna
go about doing that?

First of all, I'm gonna show her
one of our tax returns.

Once she sees
how much money we have,

I have a hunch we're gonna look
a whole lot whiter.

Hey, Veronica.
Hi, Donovan.

My, he's getting big.

- How old is he?
- He just turned five.

- Oh, wow. He's such a big boy.
- Yeah.

Hey, you know, breast-feeding
on this schedule must be a real hassle.

I remember I used to express
my milk into a bottle.

Made my life so much easier.

Is there a problem, Lynette?

The people in this office
feel a little... concerned

that you're nursing a boy
of Donovan's age.

Breast milk boosts the immune system.
It's loaded with vitamins,

and in the Third World, it's not unusual
to nurse babies up to the age of six.

Yeah, well, in the Third World,
they don't have juice boxes.

This is Donovan's decision. He will
tell me when he's ready to stop nursing.

Baby birds don't jump out of the nest.
They need to be pushed.

Did you know breast-milk
is thought to raise IQ scores?

Yeah. Maybe if you'd weaned
your kids a bit later,

they'd be more civilised.

Ouch.

I will not be judged by you
or anyone else.

If people don't like my breast-feeding,
they can talk to my lawyer.

And then she took the salad bowl,
put it on the floor,

and said if you want to act like a pig,
you can eat like a pig.

I never thought
I'd have such a good time

hanging out with my girlfriend
and her husband.

Behind all the laughs,
there's still bitterness and resentment.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

What do you say we clear the table,
bring dessert?

- No. I got it.
- You're not doing anything.

You're in a wheelchair
for a reason. OK?

Let Karl and I do the dishes.

If I catch you talking about me,
you're gonna be in a wheelchair.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Yeah?

Well, I think maybe the dishes can wait
for a second. Yeah, just a second.

- What the hell?
- What's the matter?

Jeez. Ah, we've got a leak!

I'll sop up the water.
You go see the guy across the street.

- He's a plumber. In the grey house.
- I'll be right back.

His name's Delfino.

Where's he going?

We've got a bit of
a plumbing emergency.

So you sent him over to Mike's?

Oh, my God. I am such an idiot.
I wasn't even thinking of that.

There was just so much water here
and I...

Oh, God.
What were you thinking? Oh.

Hi, Mr Delfino.
My name's Ron.

My girlfriend is Susan Mayer.
You know, from across the street?

- Yeah. Yeah, I know her.
- We've got kind of a burst pipe.

OK.

Come on in while I get my tools.

And you can call me Mike.

Oh! Ow! Oh.
OK, I made it.

So, Mike, have you...
have you known Susan long?

- A year and a half.
- Ow! Ooh!

- Didn't she mention we dated?
- No, no, she didn't. She didn't.

Oh!

Can you excuse me, please?

That smarts.

- Liar!
- I take it you met Mike.

- Yeah, I did.
- Please, let me explain.

- No, just let go of me.
- Whoa!

- I'm sorry!
- OK.

Here, come on,
let me help you.

Hey, get away from her.
Are you OK?

- I'm fine.
- What the hell is the matter with you?

- Hey! That was an accident.
- It didn't look like an accident.

- OK, Mike, it's OK. Just go home.
- Yeah. Go home.

You touch her like that again,
you're gonna be dealing with me.

- You might want to get out of my face.
- Or what?

OK.

Ron! What are you doing?

Oh, my God.

Guys, stop it!
Stop it right now!

I wasted my time with you.
You've been leading me on.

You're obviously still
in love with this guy.

- All right, I'm done.
- No, Ron, don't go.

Don't call me.

Oh, Ron.

What the hell is wrong with you?

- I thought he was hurting you.
- Well, he wasn't.

And now my boyfriend is gone.

Thank you very much.

OK. The pole is your friend, OK?
Push your boobs up against it.

Oh, I can't. They're new.

Well, do something, Cecile.

I'm losing my wood down here!

Wow. That's a kicking outfit.

Well, thank you, sweetie.

I clean up well
for a wetback, don't I?

Look, I'm not some sort of racist.

I just want what's best
for my baby girl.

Why should I settle for
middle-class Mexicans

when I know I can find
rich white folks to adopt her?

Please. Do I look middle-class to you?

You didn't seem all that rich
in Mr Beale's office.

When I brought up gifts, your husband
acted like he couldn't afford a Harley.

Is that what it's gonna take
to change your mind? A gift?

Fine. What do you want?

I don't know.

You like jewellery?

Well, here.

- Real diamonds?
- The one in the centre is three karats.

I never touched
a real diamond before.

Well, my husband and I can expose you
to a lot of nice new things.

- Well, only if I let you have my baby.
- Well, like they say,

there's no such thing
as a free lunch.

OK.

- Really? Just like that.
- Just like that.

We probably shouldn't tell the lawyer
about our understanding.

- We'd have to deal with percentages.
- I always hated math.

What's wrong?

You never gave a crap
that we were Mexican, did you?

Not really.

So why put me through this?

Because I thought if it looked like
you weren't gonna get my baby,

that you might be a bit more generous.

Wow. You're a lot smarter
than I thought.

I'm smarter than everybody thinks.

- Where's my mom? I'm thirsty.
- Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Your mom is in her office
on a conference call and she's busy.

So you're just gonna
have to wait, OK?

- What's that?
- It's chocolate milk.

I shouldn't be having it.

Have you ever had any?

Follow me.

Here. Go ahead. Try it.

Come on. You'll really like it.
I promise.

Come on, all the grown-ups
are drinking it.

Yeah, that's good.
Just chug it on down.

Good.
You like that?

Would you like dessert,
another glass of wine?

Oh, no. Thank you. I have to run.
Just the check.

I have a charity event this weekend
and I have to find a dress

before the store closes.

But everything was just yummy.

It looks good on your ass.

Hey, Mrs Van De Kamp.

What do you think you're doing?
You're grounded.

I'm buying a belt.

With what?
You don't have any money.

You took that out of my purse?

- Give that back!
- We're going home.

I'll tell the judge
about you stealing credit cards.

It's gonna do wonders
for your emancipation case.

I don't think you'll
let this get to court.

Oh? And why is that?

Cos I'd be forced to testify
about my childhood.

You had one of the loveliest
childhoods I've known.

You sure about that?

Because I'm starting
to remember some abuse.

Andrew. The judge is not seriously
going to believe that I beat you.

Oh, I'm not talking about
that kind of abuse.

You know, it's funny.
The angrier I get,

the more these repressed memories
start to come up.

You can't be serious.

Like touching me in places
you shouldn't have.

No one is ever gonna
believe a word of that.

Yeah, well, you know
how people are.

They might say that they believe you,
but they'll always wonder.

So, if I were you,
I'd back the hell off.

Come on, Justin.
I'm gonna buy you something pretty.

On second thought,
I will have another glass of wine.

You can leave the bottle.

- Yeah?
- Hi. It's Bree. Van De Kamp.

I didn't know who else to call.
And well, I'm in a bit of a situation.

- Well, how did you get stuck like that?
- I would rather not discuss it now.

Man, the other security guys are not
gonna believe this. Do you mind?

I'd prefer if you... didn't.

Your son threatened you
with repressed memories?

Oh, my God.
He is seriously twisted.

I got to meet this kid.

You sound like you're impressed.

I sort of am.

Sounds like you're definitely
raising an alpha male.

I'm raising a monster is what
I'm raising. It's no wonder I drink.

I don't know why I said that.

Maybe it's true.

No. It makes it sound like
I think I have a problem. And I don't.

Look, I don't want to get
into a fight or anything,

but you passed out
in a department store.

And in my way of thinking,
that is a problem.

Tonight was a very unusual situation.

I wish you could have known me
when Rex was alive

and my kids were young

and everything was
the way it was supposed to be.

I think you really would've
liked me. So much.

I like you just fine.

Really?

Because I don't.

Bye.

Mom?

Andrew?

Caleb?

Hey, Danielle.

What are you doing here?

Happy birthday.

You really have to go home. If my mom
knew you were here, she'd freak.

- Don't you wanna wear it?
- No, I don't. Please leave.

- I can help you with it.
- Didn't you hear me, freak? Leave!

Hey. What's wrong?

You can tell everyone
in the office to relax.

- He won't take my milk anymore.
- Already?

I mean, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I bet.
I mean, I'm not naive.

I just didn't think it would be so soon.

Oh, sweetie.

I know that we want to keep them young
as long as we can,

but kids grow up.
They just do.

I know. If that's not bad enough,
now I'm gonna get fat again.

Breast-feeding was the thing
that kept the weight off.

Every mealtime was like doing
30 minutes of cardio.

Now I'm gonna
have to join a gym.

Wow. That is really a bummer.

It is. It really is.

Hey. Julie let me in.

I can see that.

You run out of strangers
to beat up on the street

and you're going house-to-house?

I feel really awful
about what happened.

You don't want
to be my boyfriend, fine.

Don't beat up the only guy
who wants the job.

I know I overreacted.
But the way he was yelling at you...

I deserved it. Believe me.
After what I did...

God, this is such a mess.
He won't even return my phone calls.

What did you do?

I said something to Dr Ron
before the operation

- and it just devastated him.
- What?

- I can't tell you.
- Yeah, you can.

You can tell me anything.
You know that.

Mom? Phone call. It's Dr Ron.

Oh.

I need to take this.

You... you want to talk
about this later?

No. No, not really.

What's the point?

Hi.

At that precise moment,
as Dr Hanson Mills was cutting

yet another umbilical cord,

other ties were being severed
all over town.

Like the one between
a child and a mother

who didn't want him
to grow up so quickly.

Or the one between a case
of fine wine and the housewife

who hadn't wanted to admit
she had a problem.

Or the one between a woman
and the boyfriend

who couldn't forgive her betrayal.

The choice to separate
from what we love is painful.

Hey. How's my girl today?

How are both of my girls?

The only thing worse...

We're doing good.

We're doing real good.

...is when someone we've trusted
makes the choice for us.