Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 1, Episode 22 - Goodbye for Now - full transcript

Previously on Desperate Housewives.

My electronic monitoring device.
I'm on house arrest.

- Investigations began.
- I need you to check into someone else.

There's this plumber I know.

- Boundaries were pushed.
- You won't regret taking this journey.

- And the news...
- Peterson called me into his office.

...went from bad...
- He's holding the promotion for Duggan.

...to worse.
- I'm pregnant and it might be yours.

Edie Britt's favourite moment
of every day

was her arrival at the construction site
of her new home,

because she knew
what was about to happen.



Her sudden appearance was always sure
to generate a few appreciative glances,

a few lascivious looks,

and some downright ogling.

Sadly for Edie, the one man
she wanted most to notice her...

...paid her no attention at all.

Yes, Edie needed attention
to feel good about herself.

And she was determined to get it.

Miss Britt,
you look extra beautiful today.

Cyrus, you're so sweet.

So anyhow, I was wondering if maybe

I could take you out
to dinner some time.

Oh, honey,
you are so far out of your league

that you are playing
a completely different sport.

- Hey there.
- Hey, Edie. What's up?



- Nice ensemble. You busy?
- No, not really.

Good. I bought fresh donuts
for my construction workers

and as you can see,
I bought a few too many.

So I thought you and I could...

- Susan.
- Hey there, Edie.

- What are you...
- Mike and I got back together.

- Super.
- I knew you'd be happy for us.

- So what's going on?
- Edie was about to...

Free donuts. Want 'em or not?

How sweet. Thanks.

Why don't you go put these on a plate?

And save me one with sprinkles.

I cannot believe
you are still coming onto him.

You said you were finished.
You thought he was a murderer.

And that was your cue
to come and flirt?

You wasted your time and your donuts.

Not if you choke on them.

- Thanks, Edie. The donuts look great.
- Pleasure.

See you.

I'm gonna run home and get some milk
to go with those donuts.

Hey. It's a shame you've got to keep
running back and forth.

I can't have donuts and juice.

No, I mean, we should move in together.

- Come on. What do you say?
- I say...

Hold that thought.
Edie. Stop.

- Hang on.
- What now?

I was just rude back there,
gloating and everything. I apologize.

Thank you, Susan.
That's very big of you.

And on a completely unrelated topic,
Mike and I are moving in together. Bye.

Yes, Edie Britt needed the attention
of men to feel good about herself.

Hey, Cyrus. You have lunch plans?

No.

And even she was amazed at how far
she was willing to go to get it.

Ellsberg Hotel, half an hour.

Welcome to the majors.

Mr and Mrs Edwin Mullins
were finally leaving Wisteria Lane.

In the past year, their street
had played host to arson,

violence, blackmail, and murder.

Fearing they too would be infected
by this moral decay,

the Mullins felt
it was time to say goodbye.

Strangely enough,
none of their neighbours

seemed to notice
they were moving out.

Hey. I thought you might be thirsty.

No, I'm good.

So how's your roommate doing?

He's hanging in there.

Yeah. Well, I had to tell him some news

that was a little bit upsetting for him.

- No kidding.
- Excuse me?

John's not good enough
to raise a child?

- That kid could be his.
- It's a complicated situation.

Seems pretty simple to me.

You're an unfeeling bitch.

Why did you hit the lawn boy?

If you saw what he did to our begonias,
you'd slap him too.

I can't tell from this.

- Hey.
- Hey. What are you doing here?

Duggan's coming back to work.
I thought I'd do something special.

This has nothing to do with
you checking up on me and Annabel?

What?

Yesterday you brought
pictures of the kids.

The day before that you brought me soup.

Lynette, honey, it's got to stop.

Tom.

I don't care about you
working with Annabel.

I told you that. This is for Duggan.
He had a heart attack.

- I don't care about Annabel.
- Hey, Lynette.

Speak of the devil.

And I mean that.

Well, you're becoming a regular fixture
around here, aren't you?

Yeah. I wanted to do
something nice for Duggan.

I suppose filling his bloodstream with
butter fat might be considered nice.

Actually, it's fruit juice sweetened.
Can I cut you...

a piece?

Everyone,
I need to see you right now.

OK, listen up.
I just spoke with Tim Duggan's wife.

It looks like he's not going to be
returning to work after all.

He had a relapse last night,

which puts us in a very tight spot.

But we're gonna work together
as a team and do what we need to do.

Jerry, take the Hollister account,

Suzanne, Paradise Springs,

and, Annabel, take the lead
on the Traveller's Hotel chain.

- You leave for Hawaii in three days.
- I can't do Travellers by myself.

Not if they're moving into print.

Well, choose someone to take with you.

OK.

I choose Tom.

Let's see. I've beaten you at bridge
and mah-jong and hearts.

This is your last chance
to redeem yourself.

Stop it. You're gonna make me laugh.

OK, I'll be good.

- Miss it, miss it, miss it.
- Bree.

Come on. I'm allowed to psych you out.

OK. Time's up. Take your best shot.

I'm not ready yet.

- Hurry up. There are people waiting.
- One more minute.

- Come on, take your...
- Don't do that.

George.

Do you have an erection?

I'm sorry.

- What on earth?
- You were blowing on my ear.

- I was teasing you.
- Exactly.

You have got to get rid of it.
There are children present.

- How?
- I don't know.

- Think of something unpleasant.
- Like what?

Like famine or disease or hoboes.
Whatever. Just hurry.

You can't be mad about it.
It's not something men can control.

I thought Rex's dislike of you
was paranoid.

But you had feelings for me all along.

God, this is just such a betrayal.

Come on, Bree. The only thing
I'm guilty of is loving you in silence.

You shouldn't be doing that.
I'm married.

To a selfish liar
who betrayed you with a hooker.

I told you that in confidence.
How dare you throw it back in my face?

So you're ending our friendship,
after everything I've done for you?

What is that supposed to mean?

Nothing. It didn't mean anything.

George. I do love you. As a friend.

I wish you could love me the same way
back, but since you can't...

...goodbye.

Later that day, Edie Britt
witnessed something disturbing.

Something she was determined
to put a stop to.

- Is Susan coming?
- She said she might be late.

They've started moving
Mike's things to her house.

- Already?
- Good for her.

Yeah. It's nice to see Susan
so happy again.

Yeah, I'm happy for Susan.

But don't you think she and Mike
are moving a little fast?

Two days ago she thought he was
a murderer and now they're moving in?

But she found out
it was in self-defence.

- They've cleared everything up.
- Good point.

- Mike's a decent guy.
- Yeah, that's true.

Of course,
there was the gunshot wound.

That's right. Did he ever explain that?

No. And I know guns,
and that wound was not self-inflicted.

What about Mrs Huber's
bloodstained jewellery?

Yeah. That didn't walk
into Mike's garage by itself.

Maybe this is a mistake.

If there's one thing I've learned,
men can't be trusted.

Hold it. Are you saying
that we should put a stop to this?

I guess it wouldn't hurt
to sit her down and share our concerns.

- Yeah, we could do that.
- Yeah.

Edie, do you want to be a part of it?

Normally I prefer not to get involved.

But...

if there's any way
that I could help Susan.

- We need to talk.
- OK.

When I was packing up your stuff in
your bedroom I found a box of bullets.

Look, I feel bad about Deidre and you
must want to find out who killed her

but we can't have this stuff
hanging over us.

You've got to get rid of it. All of it.

The file, the map, the gun.
Especially the gun.

Leave this to the police.
They're the professionals.

What can I say?

It seems like a reasonable request.

Really? Well, that was easy.

Maybe after lunch we could talk about
your leather beanbag chair.

"I realize now
that I've treated you badly."

"I'm the one who needs
to get help, not you."

"So I have to go away.
Mrs Tillman will look out for you."

I don't consider it a burden.
You know you're welcome here.

"I've left you some things.
I hope you can take comfort in them."

"I got you a new mitt."

"Work on your curve ball while I'm gone.
I love you. Dad."

I don't understand. Why wouldn't
he come see me? Why just run away?

Your father's been very troubled.
I'm sure he did what he felt was best.

And he wants me
to take comfort in this junk?

I hate baseball.
You'd think he'd know that.

Zach.

- Susan's coming.
- OK.

OK, guys.
Interventions are never pretty.

Stay strong
'cause she's probably gonna cry.

Bonjour.

Hi. I didn't know that the cooking
lesson was gonna be a group activity.

Well, the more the merrier, right?

As long as no one makes fun
of my crepes.

How come I'm the only one
wearing an apron?

It seems like we're ganging up on you

but you were moving so fast we thought
a sort of intervention was necessary.

I know it's tough to hear.
None of us wanted to do this.

I appreciate what you guys
are trying to do. I really do.

I'm not gonna change my mind.

In my life, I've been hurt a lot.

Karl and...

Well, it's just taught me to be cynical

and expect the absolute worst
from people.

I don't want to live like that any more,

and when Mike asked me
to move in with him,

I was just happy, you know,
just ridiculously happy.

I still am.
And I want to go with that feeling.

I love him and... I love him.

So I'm gonna expect the best from Mike

and I know that he is gonna
deliver that in return.

- OK?
- Honey.

This is the worst intervention
I have ever been to.

This is fun.
It's forever since we had lunch.

Well, as happy as I am to see you,
I actually have an agenda.

I ran into someone last week
who said you guys are looking to hire.

- Is that true?
- Yeah.

Are you thinking of coming back?
Because say the word...

No, not me.
I was actually thinking more about Tom.

Tom.

Yeah, he's been thinking about
making a move for a while.

He feels like he's done
everything he can where he is now.

Well, Tom's certainly solid.

He's more than solid.
Tom's ideas are spectacular.

He's passionate about his work. His
visual instincts are off the chart.

- Is he as good as you?
- He's apples, I'm oranges.

We excel in different areas.

Trust me, you should give Tom a look.

I don't need apples.

I need someone like you.

Cutthroat. Ruthless.

Geez, Nat. You make me sound like
some kind of shark.

OK.

You know, actually

If that's the kind of exec
you're looking for...

You got a shark for me?

Yes. A very pretty shark.

So here's what I'm thinking.

I'm gonna see if Dr Morrison at the
Lipstone Clinic can come in and consult.

You want to bring someone else in?

Your body isn't responding
to the medication the way it should.

The tests we've run
have all come back negative so I...

I just want to be on the safe side.

Will you excuse me? I need to take this.

I don't know why

but I have this overwhelming feeling
that you're gonna be just fine.

Lee Craig has the biggest ego
of any doctor I know.

If he wants to consult with someone,
that means he's stumped.

- Which means I'm screwed.
- Don't say that.

Damn it, Bree, do you understand
what's going on here?

I could die.

- So could I.
- What?

I could walk across the street tomorrow
and be hit by a car.

What in God's name is your point?

All I'm saying
is that we're both gonna die eventually.

In the time that we have left,
whether it's two days or two decades,

I think we should
be nice to each other.

You're right.

Miss Tillman.

Paul Young's been missing for a couple
of days. Have you seen him?

Why ask me?

I saw him leave a box on your doorstep.
And I've seen Zach over here.

If I did know where Mr Young was,
why would I tell you?

Look, the police think I killed
your sister and I'm sure you do too.

But I had nothing to do with it.

And you think Paul Young did.

No, that's not what I was saying.

You gotta admit, it's a neat theory.

Care for a snack?

So it's not such a stretch.

I wonder if Paul
avenged his wife's death

by killing Martha
for blackmailing them.

But perhaps I'm alone in that.

- You're not.
- Aren't you sweet? Tea?

Thanks.

Does this say anything about why
she was blackmailing the Youngs?

Not specifically.

But I got the definite impression
that it involved a murder,

now here you are
saying your friend was murdered.

Any reason you haven't
shown these to the police?

Are you in favour of the death penalty?

Yeah.

So am I. We had it in Utah.

Not in this state, though.

A shame, don't you agree?

Yeah, I do.

I like you so much, Mr Delfino.

Do you know where Paul Young is?

I'm afraid not.

But I know where he'll be
on Thursday night.

That afternoon,
while retrieving her mail,

Gabrielle was surprised to finally learn
the truth behind her pregnancy.

Very surprised.

Babe, you want to go online
and check out strollers?

What's going on?

I just want to say goodbye,
because I'm leaving you.

What?

Our health insurance sent us a letter.

Someone ordered
a year's worth of my pills.

Apparently our policy
doesn't cover drugs bought by the kilo.

I told you it was Mama.

The prescription was dated. Juanita was
in a coma when this claim was filed.

You did this. Not your mother.

At least be man enough to own up to it.
She would have been.

- Stop.
- Pregnant, caveman. Remember?

- Where are you going?
- Away.

I'm going to jail.
I'll be gone tomorrow.

I know.
That's why I only packed one bag.

What about the baby, Gabrielle?
What about my baby?

- Your baby?
- Fine. Our baby.

We're a family now. This baby needs
its mother and its father.

Carlos.
Who ever said you were the father?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. What the hell are you doing?

Damn felon.

All units, code D 16-30.
Suspect is in violation of house arrest.

- Heading west on Park Boulevard.
- This is unit 14. We're on our way.

- Looks like the Feds have a runner.
- Let's go.

- Is John here?
- If I say no will you slap me again?

He's working. Why?

I just left my husband.

Hang on.

Think just because you mow my lawn,
you can bang my wife?

Hey. What's going on?

Tom, I have had the craziest day.

This morning the guys from Mitchell
and Kerns call me and offer me a job.

- Are you gonna take it?
- I told Peterson about it.

He just upped their offer.
He just made me vice president.

- Of what?
- Tom. The firm.

He gave me Duggan's old job.
Isn't that wild?

I gotta go tell Scotty.
I'll see you later.

Tom, I was just coming to find you.

What the hell, Dan?
I mean, what the hell?

You promoted Annabel over me?

She got another job offer.
I couldn't afford to lose her. Not now.

Well, guess what. You lose me.
'Cause I quit.

- Tom, don't overreact.
- No. The first time you passed me by

I took it like a good soldier.
But I have already been doing the job.

And then you just hand it to Annabel?

OK. You made your point.

You make crappy decisions on
a daily basis, Dan, I gotta tell you.

- But this one, this is the stupidest.
- Hey, watch yourself.

You have been running this company
into the ground.

I'm getting out easy.

All right. You want to know why
I gave that promotion to Annabel?

Why she got the nod instead of you?

It was Lynette.

- What?
- She went to my wife and begged her

to get me to kill your promotion.

She said that if you start travelling
more, it's gonna hurt your family.

She did that?

Now I feel like a chump
for trying to help you.

I guess it was one
of my crappy decisions.

Have your desk cleaned out by tonight.

You gonna tell us
what you got against this kid?

It's between him and me. And my wife.

Is that what this is about?
You doing his wife?

No. I'm gay.

- You're gay?
- What?

I'm gay.

This is not happening again.

What do you mean, again?

I want a lawyer.

George.

Hi. What are you doing here?

I'm shopping. Obviously.

You live on the other side of town.

My friend had an operation.
I'm buying her some things.

Oh. That's very nice of you.

Wait. Bree.
I have to tell you something.

Well?

You need to tell Rex to be more discreet

when it comes to
discussing your love life.

- I'm sorry?
- I don't want to say anything more.

You just really need to tell him that.

Wait a minute.
What in the world are you talking about?

I was at the hospital visiting my friend
who had had this operation.

I overheard two doctors

talking about Rex's fondness for S&M.

You heard that?

Apparently he told them
he has a box of toys

and he gets you to do
very inappropriate things.

I see.

This is none of my business
and I would have never brought this up

but to hear those two men
laughing about you...

I just thought you should know.

Thank you for telling me
but I think I gotta go.

Hey, got some more boxes.

That's your answer to everything
these days.

What do you want to do for dinner?

I can't.
I just got an emergency phone call.

- Busted water main.
- OK.

I'll keep it warm for you.

I'm afraid
I'm gonna be too late for dinner.

I wasn't talking about dinner.

- Need some help?
- No.

No, I got it.

I got it.

So if you have a plumbing emergency,
shouldn't you get going?

I'm just part of the relief crew.

Well, I'll just get back to work.

Mum, stalking? Are we really doing this?

You just made a huge deal
about how much you trust him.

That was before I found
Mrs Huber's journal in his truck.

So what's in it?

It's not about what's in it, it's about
the fact that he had it at all.

I'd bet you anything he's not going on
a plumbing job and we're gonna find out.

Mum, if you don't trust him,
why are you moving in with him?

I don't have time to explain
adult relationships to you.

Duck down.

- I think you lost him.
- He's six cars up.

We have to stay back or he'll see us.

OK, great, but we can't see him either.
Mum, you're not great at this.

Yeah? When your father was cheating
on me I used to follow him all the time.

I know my stuff.

There he is.

What's Mike doing?
Who's he pulling up to?

I don't know
but I'm gonna find out.

Wait here.

And lock the doors.

What the hell are you up to?
My God.

OK.

Bye.

- Was that your wife?
- If it was, would I be here with you?

- It wasn't Mike, was it?
- No.

No, it wasn't.

They're charging you with a hate crime?

Do you remember when
our cable guy was beaten up?

That was me.

I thought you were cheating with him.

With our gay cable guy?

I didn't know he was gay.

I didn't know Justin was either.

Now the cops think
I'm some kind of serial gay basher.

- Well, you sort of are.
- You provoked me.

You were pretending to have an affair
just to punish me.

Well, obviously.

So now I need you to lie again.

I need you to tell the cops
you were having an affair

and that I just beat up the wrong guy.

Guys.

I am not lying for you, Carlos.

Gabby, if this charge sticks,
I get sent away for eight years.

Am I supposed to be impressed?

Because of your stunt with my pills,

I've lost my freedom
for the next 18 years.

Gabby, please don't do this.

Gabby, don't walk away.

Gabby.

OK, next time I won't bring my daughter
to stalk my boyfriend.

It was a slight error in judgment.

Honey, please don't give me
the silent treatment.

I'm not.

- Did you say you read this?
- Part of it. Why?

Mrs Huber was blackmailing Zach's mum.

Zach?

What are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep
so I was just sitting here.

Thinking.

About what?

Do you really want to know?

Bree, I'm not feeling too hot right now
so just tell me.

What's up?

I was thinking that
the biggest mistake of my entire life

was agreeing to marry you.

Let me guess. I've done something wrong.

Forcing me to share in
your depraved pastime wasn't enough,

you had to share my humiliation
with your co-workers?

- What?
- Rex.

Everybody is talking about our sex life.

Every sordid little detail,

right down to that
box of perversions in the closet.

I never said anything to anyone.
I swear to God.

- You're a liar.
- Who told you this?

- Doesn't matter.
- It does. I never said anything.

How do people know?
I wouldn't say anything.

Why would I talk about
what we do in bed?

I don't know, Rex.
Maybe you were bragging.

Or maybe you just subconsciously
wanted to hurt me.

Well, congratulations. You did it.
I am officially destroyed.

- I didn't say anything.
- I don't believe you.

Rex? What? What is it?

I think I'm having a heart attack.

No, you're not.

Bree, you're gonna have to take me
to the hospital.

All right. You go downstairs

and I will be...
I'll be right there.

Daddy? What are you doing?

I'm waiting for your mother
to take me to the Emergency Room.

- What's wrong?
- I'm having a heart attack.

My God. Where is she?

That's a good question.

- Daddy's having a heart attack.
- I know. I'm taking him to hospital.

Well, when?

When I finish making the bed.

What?

I never leave the house
with an unmade bed. You know that.

But Daddy needs to go to the hospital.

There. Now we can go.

Nothing is forever.

And the time comes when we all must
say goodbye to the world we knew.

Goodbye to everything
we had taken for granted.

Goodbye to those
we thought would never abandon us.

And when these changes finally do occur,

when the familiar has departed,

and the unfamiliar has taken its place,

all any of us can really do

is to say hello...

and welcome.