Dear John (1986–1987): Season 2, Episode 2 - Confidence - full transcript

♪ Dear John

♪ Dear John

♪ By the time you read these lines, I'll be gone

♪ Life goes on

♪ Right or wrong

♪ Now it's all been said and done

♪ Dear John

♪ So long

♪ Seems we've sung love's last song

♪ Dear John...

She's a nurse, you see.



Oh, super.

She works for the Save The Children fund.

Voluntary Overseas Service.

Yes, well...

— Who are you talking about, Mrs Arnott?
— My daughter who lives in Sheffield.

I did a gig with a group once in Sheffield.

Support act to Brian Poole and The Tremeloes.

I remember. I was there.

I used to go all over the country
to watch you and The Fortunates.

Yeah? That was a great night, wasn't it?

We brought the walls in.

There were some birds on the front rows
who threw their bras on stage.

Woo—hoo!

Do you remember that?



So, what's the problem, Mrs Arnott?

Oh, well, I was talking to my daughter
on the phone the other night.

Some of the things she said made me cry.

We don't know how lucky we are.

We don't know what drought is.

It's the drought that causes the famine,

and the famine that causes the disease
and suffering.

In Sheffield?

No, Mozambique.

My daughter can't cope on her own, poor love.

And when she said to me,
“Mum, I need your help.“

Well, what could I say?

I feel it's my duty to go,
for the sake ofthose little children.

I find this hard to believe.
Mrs Arnott's off to Africa.

Yes. In that hat.

I get the non—stop coach from Victoria Station.

It only takes about three hours to Sheffield.

Oh!
— Oh, you're going to Sheffield!

Yes. I'm going to look after my daughter's
two kiddies while she's abroad.

I'll be back as soon as she is.

Oh, well, we shall be sorry to lose you,
Mrs Arnott.

We'll have to throw a little farewell do for you.

Oh! Don't do anything special for me, Louise.

All right.

Ah, Ricky. We were just talking about you.

When you joined our group and told us
you were a rock star in the '60s,

our reaction was: Either this guy's
telling the truth or he's a jerk.

But we gave you the benefit of the doubt.

And you proved you were a jerk.

Oh, that's not fair.

We know Ricky's made lots of records.

John's got them all.

What?

Oh, yeah. Know them all by heart.

And that's what made me think again.

My instinct told me... wooh.

The cat could be on the level.

And in my business, instinct can mean
the difference between life and death.

What are you? A motorcycle messenger?

I'd like to tell you what I do
but I'm not allowed to. Government security.

I'll just go grab a coffee
and... chat the chick.

What's up with this bloke Kirk?
What's all this... Instinct... wooh...

difference between life and death?

“I can't tell you what I do. National security.“

Anybody would think he's a spy.

— He is.
— A spy?

(Laughs)

You shouldn't have said that, Kate.

There's been a book and a TV series
about Kirk's exploits behind the Iron Curtain.

You may have seen it —
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dickhead.

His theme tune is:
Do You Want To Know A Secret?

Oh, my cousin works for a show business agent,

and she knows Freddie and the Dreamers.

Not in the biblical sense, of course,

but she's on their Christmas card list.

No, Louise. Do You Want To Know A Secret
was a hit for Billy J Kramer.

— That's right, yeah.
— I know.

I'm just saying she knows
Freddie and the Dreamers.

I played the northern circuit
with Freddie and the Dreamers.

There was them, Jerry and the Pacemakers,
and me and The Fortunates.

Oh, those were the days.
They used to try and break down the doors.

Couldn't they get out the windows, then?

My ex—husband thinks he saw you once.

— Oh, yeah, where?
— Well, he's not positive.

Were you ever on The Sooty Show?

The Sooty Show?!

Well, I think we've all finished here, ya?

Super. Let's repair to the club room.

I met her over in San Francisco.

She was living in a hippy commune
down on the Haight—Ashbury district.

My manager signed her up as a dancer.

At the time we were playing support act
on the Elvis Presley tour.

— Cor.
— You actually toured with Elvis Presley?

Yeah, yeah.

He's not dead, you know.

We only played a couple of concerts with him.
Even then we were bottom of the bill.

Neither is Buddy Holly or John Lennon.

On the bill there was me and The Fortunates.

Elvis, Johnny Cash, and Sonny & Cher.

In fact, when I first saw Moonstar,
I thought she was Cher.

They feigned their deaths to escape
the pressures of public adulation.

She had long jet—black hair
and these deep brown ebony eyes.

Like crystals of onyx on frozen pools of water.

(Laughs)

The last time I saw Janis Joplin
she was windsurfing.

Sorry, Ricky, Moon who?

Star. Moonstar.
That was my wife's name.

It's not the sort of name one overhears that often
in Waitrose, is it?

Actually she was Sioux.

I thought it might be that sort of thing.

— What sort of thing?
— Sioux or Cherokee.

I once read a book about North America.

No, Ralph. Her real name was Sue.

Susan.

So—o—o—o.

See? (Giggles)

No, she was really called Moonstar.

She was a Sioux Indian.

Oh.

Sorry, Rick. Sorry, Ralph.

She was a direct descendant of Sitting Bull.

— The Sitting Bull?
— That's right, yeah.

Did she do that to your scalp?

Listen, Kirk...

I've heard every squaw, tomahawk
and happy hunting gag in the world

so just save your breath.

She was just an ordinary girl. No "How“
and "White man speak with forked tongue".

She was just a lovely gentle and...
a very beautiful woman.

Why did she leave you so suddenIy?

Perhaps it was the buffalo season.

This is no longer constructive.

Now, let's carry on.

What happened to The Fortunates?

They all got put in prison,

trying to smuggle illegal substances
back from our sell—out tour of the Yemen.

I was innocent, but mud sticks,

and nobody in the business would touch me.

The work ran out, the money ran out,
and finally...

Moonstar ran out.

Yeah.

Were there... any sexual problems?

(Groans)

Yeah.

Oh!

I mean... Oh.

In what ways did these problems
manifest themselves?

Well, it was the drugs and booze, you see.

It was impossible to perform
the simplest of tasks,

let alone... you know.

Especially with three grams of coke
and a bottle of vodka flowing through your veins.

She was only a little woman, as well.

I think it's time to call it a night.

Do you feel as if a weight has been lifted from
your shoulders, Rick?

(Wails) Yes.

Good.

I wonder where his wife is now.

He” soon find a buddy.
Just look for the nearest wagon train.

Woo—hoo!

Are you going for a drink, Rick?

Yeah, um...

I'll... I'll see you over there.

Louise, I've been thinking.

You mentioned something about organising
a do for Mrs Arnott's farewell.

It'll be a nice gesture. We'll all miss her.

She was such a...fun person.

Yeah. Instead of a few drinks
and dinner somewhere,

why don't we hire a hall
for a Swinging Sixties night?

We can make it a charity do
for Mrs Arnott's daughter.

All the profits to go to Save The Children fund.

We've already got a disc jockey — Ralph.

Dazzling Darren?

He's closed more clubs than the Vice Squad.

But he” do it for free.

With Dazzling Darren, dear,
that's not necessarily a plus point.

Look, I'd love to say yes.
It's a wonderful idea.

But I don't think the local press and public
will be that interested.

They might be if we tell them
there'll be a live performance

by one of the great pop stars of the Sixties.

Oh, I hadn't thought of that.

I wonder.

Do you think he would?

Like a shot. After all, it is for charity.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

OK. Let's do it.

Great. I'll have that drink with Rick.
I'll talk to you in the week, Louise.

Tell me, when did you first become interested
in charity work, Dame Louise?

Did I actually wear this?

God, I look like a wombIe with ringworm.

(Doorbell)

The last time I wore this
was at teacher training college.

It makes me look stupid now.

I must have looked a right prat
at teacher training college.

(Knocking)

Rick? What brings you round?

Hi, man.

I thought I'd just...

I was just passing so I thought I'd pop in
and say hello.

— How did that happen?
— Hm?

It's just some of my old clothes.
I found them in the loft in my old house.

Everybody's dressing up in Sixties fashion
on Saturday night.

Oh, yeah. Saturday night.

We”, come in.

Oh, cheers.

Do you fancy a drop of the oId firewater?

Not for me, Rick. School in the morning.

— Where do you keep the glasses?
— It's up there.

Rick, is everything OK?

You seem to be a bit... a bit edgy.

Well, yeah, I am a bit. The thing is, John, this gig
you've booked me for on Saturday night...

I can't do it.

You can't...

What do you mean? I've booked the hall,
had the posters printed.

I've even arranged for the local press
to be there.

I'm a professional.
I don't know anything about this hall.

What kind of lighting has it got?

Electric.

I'm talking about the stage lighting.

— What about the backing group?
— The backing group?

This isn't Woodstock, Rick.
This is a hall in a boozer.

They've got a resident combo,

experienced musicians who can play along with
any old rubb...

— I can't do it.
— Why not.

— Because I'm scared.
— Scared? Scared of what?

I'm scared of the whole thing —
the stage, the audience, the fear of failing.

I just can't go through with it.

I can't get over the nightmare of Milton Keynes.

The nightmare...

What happened? I didn't think anything
happened in Milton Keynes.

It was about 18 months ago.
I was playing a one—nighter in a club there.

It was another comeback.

Christ, I've come back more times
than a squash ball.

I was terrified but I kept saying to myself:
I'm a pro.

Then I saw the audience for the first time.
They were so young.

They were just a load of kids waiting
for a new wave band,

not an old rocker like me.

At first they just laughed, then they turned nasty,
calling me names.

Then they started throwing things —
chairs, beer cans, each other.

I ran.
I ran from the stage and I kept on running.

Perhaps it was one of those nights,
nothing to worry about.

Have you ever had hundreds of kids laughing
and hurling abuse at you?

Of course I have, I'm a teacher.

All I'm trying to say is that at some time or
another every entertainer has died on stage.

Yeah, but how many by public demand?

You don't understand. I'm no good. I'm useless.

Once they banged up The Fortunates.
I was finished.

There was talk of a solo career,
but that's all it was — taIk.

It was The Fortunates —
Mick, Lenny, Buzz and Crispin.

They were the real powers behind the band,
they were the musicians.

They were the real singers.
Without them I was nothing.

If that's true why did they make you the lead?

Cos I was the best—looking one.

We weren't real.

We were created by all that big business.

All that tat and hype.

And Moonstar wasn't really an Indian princess.

When I first met her she was working
as a waitress in a Wimpy bar in Pontefract.

She wasn't a direct descendant of Sitting Bull?

No.
Not unless he was a miner with ginger hair.

The Moonstar character was manufactured by
the publicity machine.

She was my token Yoko.

Oh, my God, how I miss my Moonstar.

Yeah, we all do. Look...

Rick, all those people are going to turn up
on Saturday night

waiting for our pop star surprise.

So you weren't the superstar
you always wanted to be.

You didn't have the talent
to be as creative as the others.

And you fell in love with a totem pole.

Well, what do you want? Sympathy?

Sorry, man, sold out years ago.

Look at my life.

I live in this little room.

I am broke and I am bored.

The one bright spot on my horizon

is Waddingtons have just put in a bid
for my love life.

But do you hear me moaning?

No, because I have food.

I have a roof over my head.

And what about those children
that Mrs Arnott's daughter looks after?

They don't need our sympathy.
They need an old rocker in Acton

to get up on a pub stage and sing a few songs
that he's sung a million times before.

You're scared. They're bloody petrified.

(Imitates guitar)

♩ Woo—woo—wooo

♩ Woo—wooo—woo—woo

♩ You know that I love you
♩ You

♩ I think the world of you
♩ You

♩ So don't break my heart this way
♩ Way

♩ Not on my birthday
♩ Birthday

♩ Yeah!

— We'll start the gig with that one.
— Great, Rick.

It took 20 minutes to write that song.

— That long?
— Yeah.

I'm a pro. I'm a star.

— But what if something goes wrong?
— Nothing'll go wrong. I promise.

(Knock at door)

Good evening, Mrs Lemenski.

What is all this racket noise I hear?

Oh, it's nothing to worry about, Mrs Lemenski.

We were just singing.

You call this singing?

From over there
it sounds as if you're casting a spell.

Who's this?

Oh, it's just a friend
who's dropped in for a bit of choir practice.

Singing? Pah.

You're a crazy man.

First you're a teacher.

Now you're a Beastie Boy.

I know your face.

You're Dick?

Rick.

Ricky Fortune and the Fortunates.

Oh, yes. I remember.

I see you on television.

Many years ago.

Yeah, most probably on Top Of The Pops.

No. It was Sooty.

And you spoiled it.

♩ MILLIE SMALL: My Boy Lollipop

Getting on down...now.

(Blows)

Urm...

Sylvia.

Yeah.

Do you know what I like about you?

Your laugh.

I find it...fascinating.

Appealing.

Captivating.

My husband always said
he found it intensely irritating.

— (Laughs)
— (Mutters)

Peace, man. Groovy.

♪ I love you, I love you, I love you so

♪ But I don't want you to know

♪ Need you, I need you, I need you so

♪ And I'll never let you go—woh

♪ My boy lollipop...

— Kate.
— Oh, you...

(Sniggers)

Why is everyone dressed up,
well, the way they are?

I think the question is,
why are you dressed like that?

Kirk phoned in the week
and told me everyone was dressing up in...

- Kirk!
— He phoned me and said the same thing.

He must think we're stu...

Sorry.

(Sniggers)

(Giggling)

♪ I love you, I love you, I love you so

Wahey!

Looky here.
The fooI on the hill's come down for a pint.

Why did you tell me everyone
was wearing '60s fashion?

— It was a joke, guy.
— A joke?

Well, no—one finds it very amusing, Kirk.

Loosen up, guy.
We're supposed to be having fun.

And it's all for charity, isn't it?

Yeah, all right. I suppose so.

Actually, you've given me a great idea.

In a couple of weeks' time, I'm going on
an undercover mission into Communist China.

And I was thinking,
if you could lend me those clothes,

I could go in disguised as a stir—fried meaI.

Enjoy!

♪ THE FOUNDATIONS:
Build Me Up Buttercup

How long will it take for him to realise
that he's not funny?

(Stifles a laugh)

Do that funky thing.

Is Louise about?

Um, yes.

She's... She's round the back,

putting the final touches to her concert.

By the way, I saw Rick about five minutes ago.
He's in the wings.

Oh, he's arrived. Thank God for that.

I'll see you in a minute, Kate.

Don't give me that jive, Clive.

Boogano!

♪ Try to find a little time

♪ And I'll make you happy

♪ I'll be home

♪ I'll be waiting beside the phone

♪ Waiting for you

Why...?

I mean, where'd you get those clothes?

It's one of the oId stage costumes
I wore with the Fortunates.

It was during our Beyond The Galaxy period.

I thought I'd put it on for a bit of authenticity.

Yeah, it's...

It's...

— How are you feeling?
— (Voice breaks) A bit nervous.

But that's a good sign.

Those are the first steps
on your road back to the top.

— When am I on?
— I don't know. Louise is in charge of all that.

Just wait there and she'll announce you.

— Best of luck, Rick.
— Yeah.

Hey.

Thanks.

Knock 'em dead.

I Why do I need you so?

I Baby, baby, try to find...

Louise... Rick's here. We're all ready to go.

Oh, thank you, dear.

A teacher as well.

I Ooo—oo—ooo

I Ooo—oo—ooo
— (Scratches)

Hi, everybody! And welcome.

Sorry about the delay.

But we are ready now
to rock and bop the night away.

OK? Swell.

Well, now, I'd just like to point out

that all the performers this evening
are giving their services free of charge.

The bar is open till 12 o'clock

and all the proceeds are being forwarded
to Mrs Arnott and the Save the Children fund.

So you can all get drunk as skunks
with a clear conscience.

Well, now, first of all, I'm sure you'd all like
to show your appreciation for Dazzling Darren,

Disco Dynamite.

Thank you. Thank you, one and all.

And now for the big moment.

I love you all.

Get off, Ralph.

What?

Just get off, dear.

Go.

Well, now, we promised you a '60s pop surprise.

But this is gonna blow your minds.

One of the great pop stars of the '60s.

So, boys and girls,
let's have a great big 1—2—1 welcome

for the incredible,

the fantastic

Freddie and the Dreamers!

Hello, Rick.

Hi, Fred.

One, two, three, four!

♪ I'm Telling You Now

♪ I'm telling you now

♪ I'm telling you right away

♪ I'll be saying for many a day

♪ I'm in love with you now

♪ I'm telling you now

♪ I'll say what you want to hear

♪ I'll be saying for many a year

♪ I'm in love with you now...
- Oi!

Who invited Dan Dare along? (Laughs)

Bog off, bozo. Leave it to the stars.

♪ I love you

♪ Maybe you'll believe me
when I'm finally through, through, through

♪ I'm telling you now

♪ I know it's been said before

♪ Say you love me, and I will be sure

♪ I'm in love with you now

When did you get out?

♪ I'm telling you now

♪ I'm telling you right away

Just a minute. Wait!

Got any more plans for my future?

I have never been so destroyed in all my life!

Compared to this, the nightmare
of Milton Keynes was like a day at the seaside!

I didn't know that was going to happen.

When I suggested to Louise we get a pop star
of the '60s, I was referring to you.

She obviously got the wrong idea
and contacted her cousin,

who knows Freddie and the Dreamers.

I'm sorry, Rick. I'm really sorry.

You said they were the first steps.

Turned out to be the last rites.

I don't think it was that bad, Rick.

I don't think anyone noticed you.

Didn't notice me?

Look at me!

How could anyone not notice me?

Even Stevie Wonder would have noticed me!

They may have caught a brief glimpse of you.

I'm sorry, Rick. I did it with the best of intentions.

If I'd have thought any different,

this guitar would be causing you
a lot of discomfort by now.

Yeah, you did it with the best of intentions.
And do you know how I know?

Because you are so bloody good!

I don't mean to be. I just...

I tell you what, let's meet tomorrow
and have a couple of pints and talk things over.

I'm not going to be around tomorrow.

I'm leaving.

Like now.

— Well, where are you going?
— Who knows?

Wherever the road takes me.

When I was standing in the wings,

waiting for my entrance,

I could feel a cold clammy terror.

I could hear my heart beating in my brains.

But beneath that fear there was an excitement,
electricity, a power.

For one fleeting moment Ricky Fortune
was back, there on that stage.

If only I could have just sung a couple of songs.

If only I could have just sung...

What's it matter, eh?

It's only rock'n'roll.

— No hard feelings.
— No hard feelings.

Hey.

That's show business.

(Engine starts)

Louise...

Why didn't you liaise with me? Why didn't you
let me know what you were doing?

— Bloody Louise!
— (Car drives off)

Louise!

Louise, I want you.

My, my.

Two bottles of barley wine and he's a Viking.

Why didn't you tell me you were booking
Freddie and the Dreamers?

For two reasons.

One, it wasn't a booking.

It was a favour.

And two, I didn't know if! could have him.

When I phoned my cousin to enquire,
she said, "Freddie is a very busy man."

But when he heard it was for
the Save the Children fund,

he very generously crammed me in.

That's very nice of him, Louise, but...

Freddie and the lads...

Sweet boys.

They can only spare us an hour or so
of their valuable time.

They've a long—standing engagement
to go to shortly.

Well, that's all very well
but when I suggested to you...

They're leaving shortly?

— Well, who takes over then?
— Rick takes over for the rest of the evening.

Oh, God!

Rick!

♪ People change

♪ Can't explain

♪ Like the weather

♪ One day sun, next day rain

♪ Whatever happened to the plans we made?

♪ Seems that they ended with the masquerade

♪ Life goes on

♪ Right or wrong

♪ Now it's all been said and done

♪ Dear John