Dead Like Me (2003–2004): Season 2, Episode 10 - Death Defying - full transcript

When I was a kid,

my parents would tell me to hold on to things tightly--

a kite, a balloon, whatever--

to not let go...

but I was scared that if I held on too tightly

to something or to someone,

I'd be carried away.

Except I'm the one always telling people it's over,

time to move on.

That's what grim reapers do.

And now I'm crouching in the bushes outside a bullshit country club,



hoping to get a look at the boy I can't let go of.

What the fuck?

He disappeared.

He didn't call.

It was my first time.

What an asshole.

Really, all I wanted to do was tell somebody what had happened,

tell them what I had become.

I'm a stalker.

I had a stalker once.

Yeah, he was a sweet boy.

He'd leave me wildflowers--

dead wildflowers and little sparrows.

Doesn't anyone want to know why I'm a stalker?



- How'd you get rid of him?
- I stabbed him with garden shears.

Did you kill him?

No, I stabbed him right here.

Whoo. I would have stalked you, Daisy. I would have stalked you.

What is it that you're doing now?

Please, come on. I'm not stalking you. I'm persistent.

Well, I'm stalking someone now. Who wants to guess why?

What would you like, sweetie?

Revenge.

We're out of that. Anything else look good?

Oatmeal with raisins.

Why are you stalking somebody?

Why would you be stalking anyone at all?

Oh, shit, it's Johnny Law.

I'm not exactly stalking anyone. I'm...

You're what?

I'm just...

Spit it out.

- I'm having oatmeal.
- With raisins.

Well. I'm glad we got that settled.

How did that thing with that Trip bloke work out, George?

We slept together, and then he blew me off.

Not my type.

Yeah, he's alive.

Is that Rube's datebook?

Why have you got his books? Are you carrying them now, Roxy?

Can't believe this. Does he let you clean his erasers?

Rube isn't here.

And you're substitute teacher?

He can't just leave and not tell me. Fucking men.

Calm down. He'll be back.

I don't think you should get to be Rube.

I think I should get to be Rube.

Mason, I will shoot you where you better pray it grows back.

There you go, Roxy.

Here are your reap reports.

Just a brief description of what happened,

how the person died,

and how the reap went down.

Fill it out. Turn it back in.

Yeah, I don't do paperwork.

- You can't write?
- I can write fine.

Oh, well, you're an actress, so I didn't want to assume.

- Seriously, where is Rube?
- Personal business, peanut.

Don't call me that.

He can't just not call and disappear.

Here's your oatmeal.

I don't need oatmeal...

or raisins,

or anybody.

You two got anything you want to say?

Me.

I didn't get a post-it.

That's because you're going to help George.

You two do the reap,

you fill out the form,

and then you come back to me for debriefing.

You got some thing you want to say, blondie?

No, but those dress blues do wonderful things for your eyes, Roxy.

I just... love a woman in a uniform.

What you trying to say?

I'm just a sucker for authority figures.

You two got secrets? I don't like secrets.

I don't have secrets.

I have no secrets.

Okay.

Where's Rube?

He has secrets.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- You need some help?
- I do.

Got to take a number, dude.

Well, who got the first one?

I don't know. I wasn't here on friday.

Well, I need information about a woman who lived here a while back.

Marriage licenses, deeds, death certificates,

that sort of thing.

Sorry, man.

Mrs. Jacobs does records. I'm vehicle registration.

She's not here, so you got to come back.

Wednesday is records.

What's your name, son?

J oey.

You know what people say about kids these days, Joey.

Ah, they say you're all a bunch of self-obsessed, lazy numbnuts

who have lost the capacity to think for themselves.

Well, it's not true.

Oh, I'll kick their asses for saying so.

Good for you, Joey.

Here's my number.

Now how about restoring a dude's faith in America's youth and helping me out?

Anything for America, dude.

You're a good kid and fine citizen, Joey.

Knock yourself out.

Uh, just don't tell mrs. Jacobs, because

she will fuck me up.

Oh, that's not a problem. Where do we go?

Well, this is, like, it.

We went digital last year.

Oh, sorry about that.

Listen, sweetie. Tonight's with your dad,

so you're going to need to pack your overnight.

I'm packed.

Neatly, or did you just throw everything in there?

Neatly.

Langenstein's is delivering over some groceries,

so please, try to be nice.

Why are we getting groceries delivered?

Well, because it makes my life easier.

Gail recommended him. Everyone's using him.

Hello. Oh, my god.

Joy lass?

Yes.

I'm Vince from Langenstein's.

Guaranteed to bring it on time, every time.

- Hey, little lady.
- Hi.

- So that'll be 73 on the nose.
- Oh, right. Okay.

Um... oh, god. I forgot to go to the f-ing A.T.M.

- Mom.
- I said "f"-ing.

Um, you know what? I have some more money upstairs,

so I'll just run and get it.

You like pop tarts?

- Yep.
- Yeah, me too.

What's your name?

Reggie.

You married?

Well, I bet the boys at school have big crushes on you.

Just one, but he's a geek.

I remember when I was your age,

I used to totally be afraid of girls.

Now I'm not afraid of anythinng.

- Everyone's afraid of something.
- Not me.

- My sister's dead.
- Okay.

You can ask my mom if you don't believe me. She died last year.

- How did she die?
- She was murdered.

- Seriously?
- In the living room.

They never found who did it.

Okay... here we go.

72, and it's a miracle, five more.

Thanks.

Boy, this was so easy.

I guess we'll be seeing you next week, hmm, Reggie?

Actually, this is not my route.

I'm filling in for Davey. You'll like him.

- Oh, okay.
- Bye.

There's never a cop around when you need one.

And by the same logic,

when a girl finally has one secret truly worth sharing,

there's never a single person around to listen.

God! Get a room.

Yuck.

- What's up, Crystal?
- Nothing.

It's like mating season around here.

Are we, like, the only two in this office who are single?

I mean, I don't mean to assume.

Do you have a boyfriend, Crystal?

Okay. Nice talking to you.

You too.

I couldn't tell Delores.

That would be like telling a parent,

and there are some lines you just don't cross.

I have to tell you something.

Let me guess.

You have a doctor's appointment and have to leave early again.

No.

Millie, this is really getting to be a pain in the keister.

No, what I was going to tell you--

Do you ever get the feeling that we're, like,

the only two people here that are single?

Millie, you say that as if it's a bad thing.

I have an active online profile,

and not a day goes by that I don't receive an e-mail about you know what.

Don't ask.

What?

You know.

No, I don't know.

Men want one thing, millie.

I've just received an e-mail of a sexually explicit nature.

Don't look.

Really?

Oh, he wants to meet Murray. That's sweet.

That's not sweet, Millie. It's provocative.

I don't get it.

Oh, come on.

He wants to... pet my cat.

Maybe he just wants to meet Murray.

My goodness, you are young.

Anyway, I'm meeting a new e-friend this evening at the ren fair,

and maybe you think watching jousting all night doesn't mean anything.

I'm telling you, men have one thing and one thing only on the brain.

Jousting?

They're primal creatures,

these-- these men.

They're awful, aren't they?

But they're cute, and they can't cook,

and we just can't help ourselves.

I got to go.

Oh, I'm sorry, Millie. You wanted to tell me something. What was it?

I have a doctor's appointment.

No, that's what time the pilates class is, Clancy.

I'm getting in shape for myself, all right?

Look, can you pick her up early or not?

Thank you.

Pilates?

Yeah.

It's an exercise class.

I know what it is.

- Lily Nolan does it.
- She's 11.

- You don't do pilates.
- Okay, you're right. I lied.

- I have a date.
- No way.

Yeah, that's right. Your mother has a date.

- With Vince?
- The delivery guy? Oh, no.

Does it bother you that I have a date?

Because... you know...

the thing is, honey... I mean, as much as I love to be alone,

and as much as I love being your mom,

well, there's just a part of me--

Dad's girlfriend dumped him.

- Really?
- Dumped him.

- Did he tell you that?
- Yep.

Don't tell your dad about my date.

So if he asks, should I just lie?

Like a rug.

Most people know that death's coming,

and most people refrain from seeking it out.

Some people are different.

Friendos, we gather today so that yours truly, Icarus Jones,

can demonstrate that it is better to take the sick risk

than to suffer that wasting illness other people call "getting by."

Some people have no comprehension that death can be so close.

And now I have a little message

for any grim reapers out there in the audience.

I realize it must be so frustrating going home empty-handed.

- This is some weird shit.
- True words, georgie. True words.

Seriously. You cannot mess around with death,

and if death is here today,

then I have something really personal I want to express to him.

Or her.

Let me see.

Death, you can kiss my sweet ass!

Is that-- is that for us?

I believe it is.

That's really impolite.

Let's do this shit!

Wake up, man.

We just won the lottery.

Yes. Oh, yes!

That was sick!

50-foot freefall, all vertical. Oww!

You're dead. You realize that, don't you?

Yeah, it had to happen sooner or later.

Don't you care?

Sure. It's all transition. What happens next?

No! You don't get it.

You're fucking dead, and you know what?

It doesn't take anything special to jump off a fucking building.

Whoa, easy...

Don't "whoa, easy" me! You were alive, and now you're dead.

No more jumping or diving or kissing or partying or dating or whatever.

What the fuck is your problem?

What's this?

It's national, man.

We're tied in to the whole national database.

Boom, instant information.

I don't want national. I want here, this town.

But this is like... more.

I don't envy you, Joey.

You live in a world with 12,000 menus and not a thing you can eat.

Hey, I get that.

I really hope you do.

Dude. I mean, there's always the boxes in the basement.

- Is that right?
- Yeah.

Come on.

Hey. So... we'll stop by Mandarin King tonight,

and for breakfast I got those toaster things you like.

We had Kung Pao chicken last night, so try to avoid chinese.

But she likes chinese food. Don't you, sweetheart?

It's fine.

You like chinese.

Hey, is that that Shalimar I bought you?

Nope, it's the Chanel I bought me.

So your mom seems to be in good spirits. Terrific.

Yeah.

Jeez, you guys have so much food in the house, I'm jealous.

We had this guy deliver groceries this morning, Vince.

Vince?

And it was expensive, like 80 bucks for nothing.

Yeah, that's not like your mother to throw away money.

So... how are you, Joy?

I'm great.

So I hear you've been getting your, uh... groceries delivered.

Yeah, just thought we'd try something different.

- Good for you.
- What does that mean?

Whatever makesn you happy, and if it's...

Vince the grocery boy, good for you.

- How's Charlotte?
- She's good.

Big plans for the weekend?

Nothing special.

Already settling in to a routine, I guess, hmm?

That's how it is with long-term relationships.

Yep.

Good for you.

I'll go get your bag, sweetheart.

Did you tell your mother about Charlotte and me?

No.

You know I don't like lying, Reggie.

Okay. I told her.

So what's your mom up to these days?

Pilates.

Reggie's got a human development assignment due monday.

Clancy.

Marvin Gaye.

Due monday.

Hello.

Well, get somebody else. Bill, it's not like I'm-- I'm...

Of course. I understand.

I can be there in an hour.

You're unbelievable.

Department meeting. It came completely out of the blue.

Don't do this, Clancy.

I can pick her up in the morning.

- Your phone didn't ring.
- It was on vibrate.

Reggie, your father has an unexpected conflict.

So you'll be staying with me tonight.

Sorry, honey.

I want to live with grandma.

Linda, I got those flaming sambucas racked and ready.

Hi. I'll be with you in a sec, hon. I gotta get these out.

Like booze isn't dangerous enough by itself.

Here's a thought. Let's light the booze on fire and hand it to drunk people.

Recipe for disaster?

That's just what I was thinking.

Listen, my friends are getting ready to go to a club.

- They want to go dancing--
- I don't want to go dancing.

I was thinking you don't want to go dancing.

- I was hoping instead--
- You can't buy me a drink.

I can't finish a sentence.

Finish your sentence.

I was hoping I could buy you a drink.

- You're not a good listener.
- I heard you.

I thought you might have changed your mind.

No, but thank you.

The pleasure's all mine.

Who is that?

His name is Ray Summers,

and that is the first time I ever saw a woman say no to him.

Good for you.

Good for me.

I'm looking for a mr. or mrs. B. Briggs.

Oh, you mean buddy. See those two cowboys?

The guy who wins is Buddy Briggs.

Who's next? Better bring a sack lunch and your daddy's shoes.

This is a man's game.

Now we're talking.

Hell, I'm in the mood for some pain.

Looks like you're gonna get your wish, Buddy.

Hey, pretty girl.

What'll you give me if I take this guy down?

Damn.

Show them a little country, now, you hear?

You're going down, boy.

You all right there, Buddy?

I feel a little warm, is all.

What the...

That guy's on fire. Seven ball, side pocket.

Dang, I burned up.

Spontaneous human combustion.

I always thought that was a myth.

So are you going on your date?

Hmm. Thanks to your father, no.

Why is this guy still coming over?

Well, because it's-- it's more polite to say no in person.

- You just want to see him.
- Reggie, I'm being polite.

When was the last time you had a date?

20 years ago.

You haven't kissed anyone but dad in 20 years?

Yeah.

Do you think you forgot how?

I really don't think they've changed it all that much.

Hurry, upstairs. Scoot, scoot.

Maybe you should practice on your arm, like this...

Upstairs now.

Hi, Joy. My god, you look great.

Oh, thank you, Angelo.

So this is Beatrice Lane.

As advertised.

This is going to sound terrible.

I-I really-- I really wanted to do this evening,

but I thought my ex was going to take Reggie.

But I just found out that he can't.

Oh, that's not a problem. Let's just bring her along.

Yes!

Reggie.

Hi, Reggie.

I'm Angelo. You remember me?

You owned the apartment we looked at.

Yeah.

You have any plans for this evening, Reggie?

Well, you do now.

Cool.

Well, let's go.

I'm changing.

This, Joseph, is a system.

Everything in its place, laid out.

You can touch it. You can see it.

Sure, but no internet porn.

Someone ever tell you that stuff'll make you go blind?

Acceptable risk.

Hey, here's a birth certificate for a Rose Sofer. That help?

Lucy's daughter.

Let's make a pile for this one right here, huh?

Man, this shit is old... like, 80 years.

Fucking... indians still roaming the plains.

You smoke a lot of marijuana, Joey?

Not till after work.

You'd think someone burning to a crisp would have thinned out the crowd a little.

Just by one, I'm afraid.

- I wasn't talking to you.
- But you desperately want to.

Want to let me buy you a drink or not?

- You do what you want to do.
- Noted.

Macy?

I'll have one more. Thanks.

So, what, people around here just don't care that a man died?

You're still here.

Death doesn't scare me.

Noted.

You want a drink, sweetheart?

- A shot of tequila.
- What kind?

Whatever's the most expensive. He's buying.

So, what's your name?

That's a little personal.

I-- I really think you should back off.

Funny boy.

I know it's Ray.

- Then why did you ask?
- Just making conversation.

I think we've moved past that little number.

I don't think we have.

Okay. Then why don't we start with your name,

and we'll go on from there.

That's a little personal, but thanks for the cocktail.

I want her.

Whoever she is.

Hey, barkeep, dos cervezas, por favor, then dos more. Gracias.

Georgie, some vague notion of immortality not withstanding,

that is not a proper way to drive a car,

and I swear to god, I hope one of these beers is mine.

- No.
- You made it.

Thank god. She is in such a bloody bad mood.

You finishing that?

What's that smell? It smells like Buffalo Wings.

- Yeah, that's Buddy. He got burned.
- Good. One less man in the world.

- Excuse me.
- Ugh.

- Hi. I'm Ray.
- Fuck you, ray.

Nice spending time with you guys.

Ray, this is Mason--

Mason, Ray-- and George.

Curious George.

So, Daisy, what's going on? I thought it was just the three of us.

- Daisy?
- Daisy Adair.

So, what do you do, Ray?

I'm a television producer, George.

- So you're rich?
- Comfortable.

- I suppose you're charming.
- $Tolerable.

And women just fall the fuck all over you.

Not you, I suspect.

- Georgia, you're being impolite.
- No, no, it's okay.

Everybody likes me eventually.

- Okay, Daisy, I need a word with you.
- I don't think so.

So, what's your deal, asshole?

Oh, I'm just happy to make a new friend, Daisy here.

- Daisy, really, a word.
- Really, not now.

Ray. Is it ray?

Ray. Ray, hey.

So has daisy told you of her extensive--

some might say intimate-- knowledge of Errol Flynn?

Oh, yeah? I love those old movies.

Excuse us.

Your fly's undone.

What are you doing?

I told you.

I'm worried about George.

She's been acting really odd.

You just saw it back there, didn't you?

She's got a crush on a boy. She'll be fine.

You don't fucking understand.

Earlier, it was shouting, it was mayhem, it was chaos, all right?

George is a big girl,

and even if she's not a big girl,

she's a dead girl.

She's going to be okay,

and in case you haven't noticed,

I'm kind of in the middle of something, so excuse me--

- Just fucking wait.
- What is it, Mason?

All right.

I've always found your stories charmingly naughty.

The legendary blowjobs of yore.

They were all quite romantic in their fashion, you know?

Thank you.

I've never actually seen you with another man.

I'm not with him.

I'm sorry. I have to check my rouge.

Well, Mason, I guess it's time for you to get pretty well shitfaced.

All you have to do is just pull on it a little bit, like that,

and it turns. Good. Good.

If you want it to turn faster, you just punch out into the air.

Just a little. Just a little. Good.

Oh! No!

I'm terrible at this.

Just takes practice. You go launch it.

- You having fun?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Not exactly what I'd hoped for, but...

What did you want?

Well, you know, that we'd have a little dinner,

maybe a couple of glasses of wine,

some awkward conversation,

and then I attack you.

- Okay, well, that's good to know.
- Mm-hmm.

All right, Reggie, toss it up in the air! Nice.

Okay. I'm ready. My turn.

- Ready?
- Show me what to do.

All right, now.

Good.

Hold on.

Don't let go, okay?

I can't control it.

Just don't let go.

That's the thing about kites.

You have to hold on tight so they can fight against the wind...

That's it, georgia. That's good. Hang on.

It's pulling too hard

Don't let go, George.

Because the second you let go,

all the life goes out of them.

Shit.

So, what's that about?

Probably you.

I find your friend Daisy painfully attractive.

Take a number.

How do you know her?

That's none of your fucking business.

You're an angry little thing, aren't you?

You call me a "little thing" again,

and I'll put this fucking dart right between your twinkling eyes.

- Another tequila?
- Please.

Are you the love-'em-and-leave-'em type?

- I've done that.
- What is up with that?

What's the matter, George?

- Some boy not nice to you?
- No, I'm good.

I'll bet you are. Macy. Two more.

Okay, George, five reasons men are scum

and women let us get away with it.

One, we only want one thing, no exceptions.

Two, we fall in love with you before we can have that thing,

and then fall back out once we've had it,

whereas women, conversely, fall in love afterwards.

Three, we will lie, cheat, steal, or murder in order to get that thing.

Why am I sugar-coating this? You're a big girl.

In order to fuck you.

Four, we freely admit to numbers one through three, and women don't care,

and the number five reason why men are scum

and women let us get away with it--

you can't live without us.

Here's to your bullshit, Ray.

Fucking men.

What do you think his surprise is?

I have no idea.

Okay, Reggie. Time for bed.

- It's 7:00.
- Exactly. Time for bed.

You're going to try and kiss him.

What is this obsession with kissing?

I'm 11.

Okay, you two. Close your eyes.

Oh, I know what this is.

Of course, you do.

That's so good.

Did you do that?

I did two of them. This one's for you.

It looks just like her.

Sad.

Say good night, Reggie.

Good night.

And thank you for the kite-flying.

And thank you for the kite-flying.

You're welcome.

She likes you, and she doesn't like anybody.

She seemed to have a good time.

Me too.

I'm glad.

Do you like R & B?

Always been a jazz man, myself, but I'd probably better go.

And that is how you pay my rent.

- You're good, Mason.
- Yes.

- Go again?
- Of course... Ray.

Just feels so good in my hand, this money.

I don't know why. But I love taking it from you, Ray.

- Oh, come on.
- You got a bet on this?

My dad used to say, "never bet on anything that can talk.

If it can talk, it can be bought."

So what about Daisy?

What about Daisy?

You've obviously got feelings for her.

If you want me to step off, now's your moment.

No, of course not. Me and daisy are just friends.

She's a lovely girl, but no. Just friends, all right?

Hey. We've got next.

Take a walk, junior. There's plenty of tables available.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What he said.

Well, I like this table, so if you wouldn't mind fucking off...

Excuse me.

Is it three against two, is it?

Because I'll have you know,

I've had my ass kicked by bigger cocksuckers than you, all right?

Whoa, Mason.

We don't want any trouble.

These folks have next, we'll get out of your way.

Don't tell me to fuck off.

I tell people to fuck off.

Now, fuck off.

Your break.

Death isn't like holding on to a kite...

or a boy...

or most anything else,

because sometimes, even if you want to let go,

it won't let you.

This is the last one, dude.

What do you got there?

Death certificate.

Whose?

The mother.

Well, everyone's got to die, right?

Yeah, that's right.

You're going to love this.

This one's got the daughter's name on it.

Sorry.

Dude...

This guy looks just like you.

Can I see it?

Huh. Souvenir.

I want to do a duet. Something country/western.

Fuck that, Daisy.

I'm not going to sing some hillbilly bullshit.

If we're going to go hillbilly, I want to fight.

Georgia, he works for television, he's gorgeous, and he wants me,

so unless you really do want a fight, you're singing with me.

This isn't on.

Hello.

Daisy, I'm really not up for this.

Uh, excuse me, hi. Testing. This isn't on.

I'm not singing.

Relax, have fun. Men like girls who can have fun.

Is that what men like?

Yeah. You know what? You really need to get laid.

Oh, well, for your information, Daisy...

I lost my virginity.

Yes, that's what done happened to me and he don't even call

Who wrote that? Janis joplin?

No, he don't not at all

why won't he pick up the phone and just call me?

Boo!

Screw this.

Gee, thank you.

Bloody hell.

- I'm guessing you're an actress.
- Uh-huh.

And I produce a TV show.

And you're going to put me on it and make my career, blah blah blah.

I've heard it all.

You know, Daisy, you want to be the world-weary ingenue, you go for it.

I'm sure you play her very well.

It's just not very interesting, you know?

At least, not to me.

Well, you're interesting to me.

You want to go somewhere with me?

I really do.

George, will you slow down? I can't keep up.

They mock me. Couples mock me.

Yeah, me too, darling.

I'm such an idiot.

You know, I don't remember the first time I ever did it. I don't.

I was drinking, a lot, and I woke up,

and my mates told me I was a man now,

and I don't remember a bloody thing.

At least you were still alive.

Well, not for much longer.

So anyway, now Mason is going to show little Georgie

a few of the finer points of stress relief

through petty vandalism.

Oh, yes, we will egg Trip's fucking mansion, but first...

you see, the pleasure comes from being a shadow in the night, silent,

until they arrive back at their smug little establishment,

only to find a big--

George!

Georgie, I--

I don't think I've explained to you properly the, uh...

the finer details of the "shadow in the night" philosophy, george.

See, uh, now is a good time to run away. Georgie...

Hello, officer.

Evening, ma'am.

Beat, beat, mutilate!

Crush, crush, kill!

Yank out their organs and throw 'em on the grill!

Whoo!

- Settle down, ladies.
- Sorry. We're so sorry.

- Ready?
- Okay!

We eat salad, we stay fit!

Not like your team. You eat...

shift to the left, shift to the right,

stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!

Whoo!

What are you guys in for?

Grand theft pom-pom?

Try assault and battery.

Their mascot tried to fuck with our mascot.

You got to draw the line somewhere.

Is that a frog?

A frog? It's a sea turtle.

Sea turtles...

Snap!

Roxy. Finally.

- What did you do?
- I broke a window.

A really big window.

- Is this about a boy?
- I guess. I don't know.

You know, George, men have made me act crazy too.

I mean, if you haven't bought a gun or a pick-ax at some point,

it isn't a real relationship.

Thank you, Roxy. So here's what I'm going to do.

Thank god. Unlock this thing.

Your one phone call.

- I don't understand.
- Sure you do.

You want to be a girl

or you want to be a woman?

You choose.

If you're young and not so innocent--

I mean, if it's your first time in the slammer--

you call your mom.

She knows exactly what to say.

Your daughter's upstairs.

I know.

Who's this?

Oh, that's... that's my other daughter.

I should have seen that. She's pretty, like her mother.

Thank you.

What's her name?

Georgia.

So, uh... so what are we doing?

Are we kissing some more?

I think I should probably go.

Okay.

I had a really great time, Joy.

Me too.

And I like kissing you.

It's just..

I'm just not comfortable with your daughter being so close.

Yeah.

You're a really good man, Angelo.

You're so careful with people.

You don't have to be so careful with me.

I'll call you.

Okay.

Oh, god, I thought you were never going to get here.

What are you wearing?

One of us was enjoying the company of a man

while watching a little jousting this evening, Millie.

What happened?

I disturbed the peace.

Bye, Becky, Becky, Shasta.

It'll be a few minutes for the paper, ma'am.

Make sure I get a 1035 on this, will you, officer?

Millie, Millie, Millie.

I'm sorry I screwed up your date.

Oh, it's okay.

There's no future for a man who can't hold his grog, Millie.

This your first time?

Yes, and the asshole never even called.

You were talking about jail, weren't you?

Millie, sweetheart, it's an unwritten law.

They never call when it's your first time.

Well, it stinks.

That's what first times are for,

and next time, it won't be your first.

And that's what being alive is all about.

Yeah, I know.

Losing your virginity is supposed to be

one of the steps towards being really alive.

For me, it was one of the ways I finally realized that it was over.

You can't un-do what you've done.

Some things you can't change.

You can't un-spill water, even if you want to.

Some choices you can learn to live with,

right through to the clear light of morning.

They say coming clean is good for the soul,

that it puts things in perspective.

You can get a sense of your place in the order of things...

a sense of who you really are and what's important.

This is my perspective.

I am a grim reaper.

I take souls.

I do not go to prom.

I do not live happily ever after.

This is who I am.

Anyone got a problem with that?