Dead Head (1986–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - The War Room - full transcript

(Eddie) 'What is life?

'Or, put that another way,

'what is money?

'Power. Money is power.

'Turn it to whisky,
power over your brain.

'Without power,
no bloody life at all, eh?

'So money is life.

'Yeah. I was kind of proud of
that thought, the condition I was in.

'Life, power, money.

'Money, power, life.

'Seemed the whole key
to what was being done to me.'

I mean, what can you say?

"I threw a severed head
into the Fiver Thames

"and was given £1 ,000
by the Special Branch

"who smelt of scent"?

Every country has its wild men,

who'll do anything at all
to preserve the status quo.

'What really got me was,

'that wherever I was,
whatever hole in the ground,

'there was someone up there
wanted me there,

'like a slippery pole.

'He was up there,
sitting on the top.

'I'd get a few feet up to him
and slither.

'Back down I went.

The man who murdered
that woman

has to be protected,
at any cost.

'Made it to Birmingham.

'Went into a Millets.

'Camping equipment, I thought,
since I was going to be on my own.

'Got myself a little barbecue, even.

'Since I had ten grand, didn't see
why I shouldn't go on the run in luxury.


'Fat city.

'Three days' walking
to make it there.

'Derelict house.

'Fat city.'


(Breaking glass)


'But even there, they knew.

'Nowhere was safe.

'Money is power.

'Power is life.

'Therefore, money is life.

"'Yeah, if only I could get
the right philosophy"' I thought,

"'in the end I'll screw them."

'So I went investing.

'And, to my amazement,
got in step with the universe.

'My philosophy worked.

'Money attracts money,
life attracts life.

'But always the thought,

"'They are letting me do this.

"'They are rigging the horses
to get me rich.

"'I'm being fattened up again.
They want me here."'

(Siren wailing)

(Tyres screech to a halt)

(Car door closing)

(Car drives off

'I knew I only had to wait

'and the world would be
in touch with me again.'

(♪ Reggae music on jukebox)

'It was the queen mother's birthday.

'I had to drink her health.'

'My old friend Caractacus' bit.
In Birmingham.

'My paranoia went right up
and hit the bell.

- Where are you going?
- Push off!

What did I do?



- Bugger off!
- Where is he, Caractacus? Tell me!

Even if you don't love her,
there's no need to do that to her.

- What?
- It's disgusting.

- Whatever happened to romance?
- Thank you, darling. Sod off!

Where's Caractacus?
Here in Brummie land?

Modern love? You can keep it!

- What's it to you?
- Do you know about me?

- You know who I am now?
- Gone up in the world, have we, Eddie?

Oh, you remember my name?

He's in St Pauls.

- Where?
- Bristol.


(Police siren)

Well... the night is young.

- We'll get a train at New Street.
- Get lost!

- I'm not letting you go.
- I've not got my things.

I'll buy you a toothbrush
at the station.

- What did you buy all that for?
- You said you'd buy me a toothbrush.

Blushers, false nails...
You set me back 70 quid.

If I'm leaving bloody Birmingham
for a holiday in bloody Bristol,

- I want to feel good, right?
- Fight. Fight.

Come on. We'll miss our train.

'Railway station, a public place
but a kind of private hell.'

First class!

If you're going to kidnap me
and screw me rotten,

we're going first.

When did you see him last?

You what?

'Oh, yeah. Modern love.

'Modern times.

'I fancied her something rotten.

'Something about being in danger
really makes you want to get it on.'

Talk to me.

That night they busted us,
what did they say to you?

Why did you clear out?

I went round to his place,
it was full of the brothers, heavies.

Look, this is to do with my life.

I don't want to know about your life.

Don't mind going to Bristol, though.

Lives on this tiny island.

'All tangled up.

'A real bowl of spaghetti.'

(Indistinct chatter)

(Silence descends)

(Conversations resume)

- I'm getting a cup of tea.
- Stay where you are. Just wait.

- Hello, Jill.
- He's with me.

Mr Eddie Cass.

Letter for you.


Don't I know you?

Ah. A question of philosophy,
my friend.

Deep, deep philosophy.

Or spaghetti.

- Not with you, friend.
- Shut up, Eddie!

Is he about?

'Dear oh dear, when you meet
a couple who are having it,

'it's horrible how sometimes
they just look utterly evil.'

How you doing, Eddie?


I don't know how to put this, but...

- But I...
- But what, man?

I'm on my uppers.

My feet and hands up in the air,

in the crapola,
sinking very fast.

I am truly sorry to hear that, boy.

It sounds to me
like you is not eating healthy food.

Caractacus, you black bastard!

You ran out on me,
disappeared into the mist,

and I've been drowning ever since,
strangled in spaghetti.

Now you help me!

Brothers, sisters,

me just want to play some pool
with this lunatic.

Me just want to play some pool.

All you go upstairs for a while
while I play some pool with this...


Big man round here, are you?

No one man or woman is big, brother.

We are all servants of the Lord God.

(Sniffs) Call.

- Er, tails.
- Heads.

(Caractacus chuckles)

'I told him,

'the parcel, the head,

'the nightmare,

'the upper-class twit, Hugo,

'the horror at the hunt
in the countryside,

'the guns from nowhere,

'out of the English hedges,
money from nowhere.

'And Caractacus just played.

'My freaky old companion
in petty crime had changed.

'He was hard, balanced.

'Something fit about him.
There was power there.

"'Is he listening at all?" I thought.

"'Or is he zonked out,
playing pool?"

'People do change.

'Someone you've known for years
can suddenly be a stranger,

'like Dana or me.'

That's it,
the story of my adventures.

Help me.

Man, I knew that bust that night
at my place was phoney.

I've never been
so frightened in my life.

That wasn't no filth, them bastards.

- They were something else.
- What did they say?

Martians, boy. Off the planet.
Forces of darkness.

They didn't take us to the cop shop.
Took us to some waste ground.

Greatly abused us. Greatly.

Forces of darkness.

I've never been
so frightened in my life.

Just think how I felt
seeing you in the pub in Brum..

Hmm. What did they say?

To have nothing to do with you, man.
Nothing at all.

You is leprosy, boy.

A nuclear war victim.
Radiation. Touch you and we blind.

Nothing to do with you ever!



Makes me kind of irresistible,
don't it, darling?

You got to believe me.

The government is coming
for me personally.

Little crapiola me.

Man, I've had my brushes
with the English government.

Me've done time.
Me've had prison screws.

I've had the DHSS
walking all over me.

This don't sound
like none of them to me.

It's a totally different ball game.

They're looking after one of their own
that's done something.

They're really coming out of the walls.

Usually it's all dandy.

Bit of a poke,
a kick up the arse in the cop shop.

But when they're really up against it,
they got guns.

They got the country in their pocket.
They'll use flame throwers.

Oh, please, you got to help me.
You're the nearest I got to a friend.

Man, you don't have
to tell this black brother

what they are capable of.

Eddie, boy, I do see it now.

You is fighting a holy war.

I do believe
you is fighting a holy war.

- Oh, yeah?
- A holy war.

- And you know why you is doing badly?
- Surprise me.

- You're not eating right.
- (Scoffs)

You're not fit for the war!


Don't do that, for crying out loud!

'Oh, yeah. He'd changed all right.'

I is going to get you fit for the war.

No trouble, children.

Mr Eddie Cass here
has just lost a game of pool.



- OK, get me fit.
- Hm.. You really want to be fit, boy?

In every God-given meaning
of that little word?

That is something else. Fit.


I'll pay you.

£1 ,000. For the community.

- I want to be a human bomb.
- Not a human bomb, man.

Maybe a human being.

That'll do.

First thing is
to get you off the booze.


Oh, right!

I don't think this is a good idea.

You're paying, man.

(Caractacus) Do it, man!


(All shout)

Enough, please!

(All shout) No!

(Rope hits metal shade)


(All shout)

Jump, man!


(Brother) Hey, man,
what's happening?


'It went on and on.
Weeks, it seemed.

'Like being underground.'


(All shout)

(♪ The Beat: "Best Friend")

(♪ Heavy D & the Boyz:
"Now That We Found Love")

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- All right?
- Nice.

Well done!


(Door bursts open)

(Indignant shouts)

- Shut up!
- Shut up!

Shut up!

All of you, sit down.

(Brother) What's this, yeah?

Sit down!

Hands on the tables.

Hands on the table, Sambo.

She with you?

- "'This is it"' I thought. "Done for."'
- Fight.

"'Utterly cornered,
like a rat, like a dog.

"'Oh, no, no!"'

There is a Vauxhall Viva
parked outside, PLV 934M,

which does not display
an up-to-date tax disc.


Which does not actually display
any tax disc at all!

Anyone in here
know anything about it?

- Oi, you!
- (Shouts of protest)

It's a verified traffic offence.

(♪ The Beat: "Hands Off She's Mine")

'Whatever the light
Caractacus had seen,

'Jesus, the revolution or whatever,

'he was beginning
to work miracles for me.


(♪ Reggae music plays)

1 ,000 quid for this?

- I must be mad.
- You paying, man.

It's like prison.

Your body is a prison,
but it should be a temple.

What happened to you, Caractacus?

Did you get religion or something?

I had a flowering, Eddie.
I had a flowering.

- You what?
- I looked up.

I was a weed in the gutter.

- I decided I would flower.
- I see!

- No, you don't.
- No?

No, not till it happens to you,

one fair morning.

What are you looking at?

What's that?

Colt 32. Don't you like it?

What's your game?

Why? Do you want one?

(♪ Eddy Grant:
"Living On The Front Line")

Come on, man.
You only got five more.


(Caractacus) All right!


It's this big, see? A little policeman.
They put them in your brain.

- I know the feeling.
- This is the real man, boy.

Me believe this man.

People is walking around
with operations on their brains.

- They do it to you in job centres.
- Do what?

The operation, man.
They have this room, see?

And they have these long scissors
like tweezers.

They take these little policeman

and stuff him up your nose
into your brain.

And after that
is all forgetting and ignorance.

I see.

Can't you turn the music off?

Can't turn the policeman
in your brain off, boy.

He is in there, pounding away.


(Cheering and whooping)

(♪ Reggae music plays)

Fight, Caractacus.

When do we go?

You got a reality problem, boy.

Me? I had a reality problem.

I got rid of it.

You don't know what this world is like.

There's men doing it to you,
doing it to me.

Look, there's a wall somewhere.

Big room, big house.

Underground bunker.

And the works of good old Big Ben,
for all we know,

and they're doing this to you and me.

So hard for us to contemplate.

We is an arrow
in the war room, Eddie.

World War III's going to break out,
I promise you.

World War III done break out
long time ago.

You would know that
if you was black.

'Go. Go.

'I want a go at 'em.'

Policeman in your brain, boy,
won't let you see the lady.

That's what this world is like.

Brain damage in your eyes.


(Jill) This is what it's like.

Story I remember,
from when I was a kid.

Once upon a time,
there's an Indian village.

In the middle of this village
there's a totem pole.

The totem pole is the Indians' god.

They think all good,
all that grows,

the safety of the village,
the safety of their lives,

depends on the totem pole.

So they love it. They worship it.


a wicked witch has put a spell
on the totem pole.

At night, it walks about the village

and begins to murder the Indians.

In the morning,

it's back in its place.

The Indians go and pray to it,
ask its help to stop the murderers.

They don't know
the very thing they ask to help them

is the killer amongst them.

One night, two clever
little Indians stay up

after the fires are out.

They see the totem pole
lift itself out of the ground,

lumber about the village,

drag an Indian from a tepee

while the others are asleep

and kill.

They were very afraid.

They said,

"If the whole village knows
who's doing this,

"they'll go mad.

"They love the totem pole.

"They think it is everything
that is good in the world."

So they decided to blame
the murders on somebody else.

There was an Indian
people didn't like very much.

- (Eddie) You mean me, eh?
- No, Hiawatha.

Or Hiawoops.


They decided to blame it
on poor old Hiawoops.

And the whole village believed them.

They stoned Hiawoops to death.

Everyone was very happy.

I see.


the totem pole went killing again.

This time there was
no Hiawoops to blame.

He'd been stoned.


the villagers found out...
it was the totem pole.

And they went crazy.

Chopped it up.

Burnt it.

And they believed in Jesus instead.


Yeah. Well, when I was at school,

we had a religious cow
for a headmistress.

Totem pole.

Two little Indians.


But the first clever little Indian
tells Hiawoops

it's the totem pole
they're protecting

and gets killed
by the second clever little Indian.

Totem pole...

Who are you?

Can't you stop smoking?




Where did you learn to draw?

- Art college.
- Oh, yeah? You don't draw that good.

Well, I left after a year.


Look, please,
I've not been out for weeks.

There's something called a sky
out there, ain't there?

I don't know.

The sky. I want to know
if it's still there. Is it?

Well, I discount all rumours.

How do you mean?

Who can one trust these days?

- Your kind give me the creeps.
- What kinds that?

Oh, I've seen a lot of you about
in the cities.

All of you waiting around to die.

Is that what I'm doing?

I've seen your hand shake.

Oh, getting the big moralist now,
are we, Eddie?

- Now that we're fit.
- Waiting around to die.

Like lizards.


keep very still.

- They see a lot.
- Oh, yeah?

- What do you see?
- Lizards don't say.

Hey, warrior hard man.

- Stoker, the brother what set you up.
- Yeah?

Word has it
he's in Birmingham.


Eddie, you're a great man.
I do love you.

- Why do you do that, then?
- You is a knight in shining armour.

- Oh, am I?
- Oh, yes. You's a voyager.

A saint of our time, taking on evil.

- Is that what I'm doing?
- Celebrate, Eddie.

You've convinced two ordinary people
you're telling the truth.

Oh, yeah? You and him
ordinary people, are you?

(Caractacus) Evil will not prosper.
God is great.

God is great.

(Raucous laughter)

'Open sky again.
Didn't seem like the sky.

'Beat-up tin roof over everything.
Little holes for the stars.

'Back to Birmingham
in Caractacus' beat-up old Buick.

'Fond memories of that fair city.'

God go with you, sister.


- Pool.
- What?

Me want to play some pool.

I don't play that game much, man.


- Take me to the pool hall, boy.
- Sure.


Oh, no!

- No!
- Hello, Stoker.

Got a parcel for me?


(Tyres screech)

(Stoker) Hey, Eddie.
I didn't mean nothing, man.

Since I did that little thing,
my life's gone crazy.

- Crazy!
- Tell us about it.

'I flooded with sweet feelings, yeah.

'I'd been in the back of a car,
shitting myself witless. Yeah.

'Now I was in the front seat.

'All I needed was a front seat.

'All I needed was a little earring on.'

Please, look.
They said get you to do that.

- They gave me a grand.
- (Scoffs)

A grand just to give you a couple
of addresses in a pub and some parcel.

- They ain't left me alone since.
- No?

Told me to get out of London.

I thought I'd be safe here.

No one is safe, brother.
The Lord sees all.

(Train passing)

(Stoker) Brother, I'm weak. Weak.

I had muscle-thing thing as a child.

Rickets, you know. I had that.

They told you to get out of London.

Two guys, white.

- One had...
- Fair hair?

- Fight, man.
- Earring?

- Yeah, yeah.
- The other one?

Heavy. Heavy dude.
Big fruity voice.

- He came round.
- Did he give you a name?

- Name?
- Play some pool.

Did he give you a name?
Was it Eldridge?

- No name.
- Did he give you a phone number?

Peaceful game, pool,
like music, complicated music.

Yeah, a London number.


- Address?
- No address.

On the table,
the violence of graceful music.

Yeah, all right.

All right. This house...

- 13...
- (Jill) That's enough, officer.

Oh, thank God!

Thank God!

Thank God a copper.

What you doing, bitch? Bitch!

Put that down.

You fooling me? You bitching me?

You messing this whole operation?

Shut up and put it down.

You blowing it all. We got to go along
with Eddie, find out what he knows.

I said, shut your mouth!

- This is way above your authority!
- Shut your mouth!

(Stoker) What are you?

Are you Bristol?

Are you the Bristol end
of this operation?

You are. You bastards!

Everybody just shut up.
I outrank everybody here.

- Don't you bank on that, darling.
- The operational orders are clear.

Look, I'm going to have you two.
I know I be a mere detective sergeant.

But the way this operation
is being run, man...

I'm going to bust your bollocks.
And yours!

Oh, charming!

You two are going down.
I'm putting in a report.

- What are you people?
- Tell him, Caractacus.

- Who can you trust these days?
- (Stoker) Hey, man!

Tell him now.

They leaned on me, see?

That night when you came
back to my place

with the mud of the river
all over you.

Put her onto me, you know.

Seeing you was crashing with me.


Hm,, them wallies, boy. Heavy.


Don't know what you're into, man.

Russians, perverts, spying.

Don't know, boy.

They recruited me, see?

I'm a public servant.

Me, a dick!


Funny that.

I'd like to kiss you, boy,
on your head.

Mind if I do that, me old friend?

Me old comrade-in-arms.

All them piddling jobs
we used to do down in Peckham,

and here we are
on the other side of the moon

and me a paid-up policeman
and you...

Judas time.


There's an organisation, man.

They is everywhere.

Said they'd bring you up to Bristol.

Did, didn't she?

Debriefing, man. What you know.

Nice it was to see you, Eddie. Nice.

Look, man,
me is going to get a pension.

No more thieving.

No more knocking off dogs
at the back of garages.

You'd do the same, man.

Settle down.

Eh, Eduardo, amigo!

(Suppressed shots)




Do you know what that word means,
Mr Eddie Cass?

It's what's happening to you.

You're being traduced.

Look what you done now?

Killed your best friend.

Is that what you done, Eddie?


(Removes suppressor)

What have you done?

'To speak evil of,

'especially falsely or maliciously,

'to defame,





'to expose to contempt,

'to dishonour,


Not to me.

Not to me, not any longer!

Not me.

Not me, not any longer!

♪ Pussy cat, pussy cat,
where have you been?

♪ I've been to London
to see the queen

♪ Pussy cat, pussy cat,
what did you do there?

♪ I frightened a mouse
under the chair

♪ Pussy cat, pussy cat

♪ Pussy cat, pussy cat

♪ Pussy cat, pussy cat ♪