De Viaje Con Los Derbez (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Derbez Camp - full transcript

I can't see anything.

I can't see anything. What?

I can't see anything.

This is our first night in the yurt.

The yurt doesn't have a bathroom,
there's no plumbing.

So, when you have to go to the bathroom,

you have to go outside.

- You can hear noises.
- Yes.

I don't know what's going on. I'm coming.

Did you hear that?

Don't scare me.



It's just that...

- Don't joke about this.
- I'm not!

I like fear, but...

Wait. Calm down.

There's the bathroom.

Did you bring the insect repellent?

- Yeah.
- Get closer.

Damn, it stinks!

It's fly infested, José Eduardo.

Look at the amount of shit.

I've never seen so much shit.

- See that mountain of shit?
- Yeah.

I'll be honest,

we didn't feel like using it
with the flies.



It was scary.

It was gross that
the flies would land on...

Somewhere.

I don't even want to go.

Okay, grab the... flashlight.

- I'm glad you said flashlight.
- The flashlight.

Damn it! Come on.

Shine it over here, man!

- Are you done?
- Fuck.

What if a snake comes?

- I'll shit my pants. Again.
- Man.

TRAVELING WITH THE DERBEZES

Look at this beautiful view.

People come here
to take a walk, to meditate,

to connect with nature...

And brush their teeth.

Why are you brushing out here?

Where else? There are no sinks.

José Eduardo, stop spitting on the...

You look like you have rabies.
Go rinse your mouth.

Tell us how your night was.

First, it would have been wonderful

if it weren't for Fiona's snoring.

It's unbelievable.

And second, the moment Fiona was quiet,

José Eduardo started his concert.

But mine are like...

- No.
- No, you snore like Fiona.

I'm a very light sleeper.

I have trouble sleeping
with any kind of noise

or with the lights on.

The problem is everything wakes you up.

And she wakes me up to tell me
she can't sleep.

That's not true. No.

- Maybe sometimes.
- You say, "Hey, I can't sleep!"

What should I do about it?

But even if I didn't sleep a lot,
it was a great night.

My man, Eugenio!

Excuse me?

- You're a ladies' man!
- And you...

You didn't even notice!

- We didn't.
- Sounds bad.

Shut up!

For starters, look. From here,

we could see the beautiful stars.

And he said, "You have to see the stars."

The thing is, my first night at the yurt

was very romantic,

but I didn't sleep.

She won't be happy tonight, then.

- Why?
- Well...

Because tonight, we're going camping.

What are my breakfast options? Cereal?

There's waffles,
and you can make eggs if you want.

I have to make them?

- You won't?
- I can offer you some waffles that I made.

Waffles. They're easy to make.

- Look.
- She won't make my eggs.

"I'll pour you a bowl of cereal,

"but make your own eggs."

Do you want eggs, honey?

Honestly, I stopped meddling
in that relationship a long time ago.

But I used to do it a lot.

I used to be the referee.

That didn't go well.

After all I went through, my advice

is to live and let your partner live.

- The dog.
- Daddy, Fiona is pooping.

Bless her, she can poop!

Exactly.

- I'm jealous!
- Follow her example!

- So lucky!
- I wish I could!

I think this is where I was
with the shaman last night.

By the way, it was amazing, Ais.

But my arm hurts. There was a moment...

Sure, from all the... drumming.

No, I switched hands 20 times.

- Let's finish packing.
- Come on.

Let's go pee and pack our bags.

Come on, Fiona!

It really was very beautiful. Thank you.

It was, wasn't it?

I never thought we would make
another trip.

I swore to myself I'd never
go on another one.

You told us,
"I'll never do this again in my life."

I thought to myself, "Well...

"Obviously Ais and Mau won't come."

But I never imagined... that you and Mau
wouldn't be together anymore.

I know! Neither did I.

It had been too long
since Ais and I had a talk in private.

It's been a rough year for her.

It's not easy to see someone you love
go through a divorce like she did.

It's the last thing I thought
would happen in my life.

It was very painful.

- Yes.
- I know it was. You were devastated.

- Yes.
- You were, and we were worried about you.

I let it destroy me.

- I let the sadness take over.
- Exactly.

But I also noticed
you didn't try to hold on to him.

You didn't cling to him.

You didn't beg. You respected that

he didn't want to stay with you
and you lived through it.

- And you faced it.
- And I realized that

that was the real proof of our love.

- Exactly.
- If I say I "love" him,

and it's real love,
I can love him wherever he is,

whoever he's with
and wherever he wants to be.

And I can keep a relationship
with him, albeit a different one.

It was definitely unexpected for me.

And it was one of my most painful moments,

but it was a great opportunity to grow.

The crucial fact is that we both lost
our individuality and autonomy

because we were so invested in
our family's stability and relationship.

We, as a couple, were lost.

I think the dilemma for couples,

the hardest thing to achieve,

is the balance
between giving yourself fully

without losing your autonomy.

- It's hard.
- Without losing your individuality.

Yes, honey.

My family gave me strength.

I feel like crying.

My family held me, supported me.

My dad was there all the time,
helped me with everything.

Alessandra too. She was
a great confidant through it all.

That's when you realize
that the most important thing is...

your bond with your family,
your relationship with them.

It's been nice
witnessing that transformation.

I congratulate you.
Congratulations to both of you.

But mostly you.

You and Mau are
in a much better place now.

- Yes.
- I feel your dad and I are too.

Ais and Mau's divorce was definitely...

a wake-up call for us.

- Yes.
- We realized,

after our last trip,
that we had many things to work on.

- Yeah.
- And thanks to therapy,

we learned how to handle
certain situations better

and decided to travel again.

- Let's see how bad the packing is going.
- Yeah.

Let's go.

- All right.
- Let's take a picture.

- Family picture.
- Okay, ready?

Let's take a picture.

I've got Vadhir in my bag.

Take him out, so he's in the picture.

Since Vadhir couldn't come,

I made a sign with his face.

That way, he's here in spirit.

Vadhir is blocking the yurt.

So, where are we going?

- To Perrine Bridge.
- What's there?

They have bathrooms there?

- I don't know.
- I don't think so.

- I don't think so.
- How come?

It's just for one night!

I think tonight will be
tougher than last night.

Weird things are biting me!

- I'll explain soon.
- I just wanted a bathroom.

How long will we be
without a shower, a decent bathroom?

I mean, basic hygiene!

- I'm coming.
- Please.

I'm Hygiene Derbez.

- Okay.
- Wait.

Wait, you'll dirty the van
with the bag's wheels.

Will you clean the bags?

- No!
- Watch Dad organize the bags.

Something bit my ass.

Keep chatting, I'm fine.

- Here?
- I'm telling her about the bite.

- Honey, pull Fiona's bed.
- Coming!

Honey, pull it!

I'm putting this here first.

- No one's helping.
- Okay, honey!

Stop talking and help me!

- I'll hop in.
- God!

- You do nothing and you criticize me!
- Okay!

- I don't like you, guys.
- Okay.

No matter where we are,
Morocco, Mexico, Timbuktu, Idaho...

The only one that does anything
in the family is me!

Grab your dog when you get in.

Nobody helps me!

Done! Let's go!

I planned two amazing activities.

One is kayaking down a river.

And the other one is jumping
from a bridge with a parachute. Amazing.

I think everyone will want
to do the kayak thing.

But I don't know if they'll want
to do the bridge thing.

Because it's a little bit risky.

But it's amazing.

You're all single now.
Did you notice that,

a year ago, in Morocco,
everyone had partners?

Everyone.

And now, Aislinn is single,

José Eduardo is single,
Vadhir is single...

We're the survivors, honey!

Exactly.

- Okay.
- For now.

- For now!
- For now!

Don't declare victory!

No.

I spent five and a half years, almost six,
living with my ex-girlfriend.

I thought that was it, but no.

Love faded, but...

Of course I believe in love!

How would your perfect partner be like?

I like easy-going women, kind,
someone who laughs at everything,

- someone that's not bitter...
- That doesn't exist!

That's why you're single! Be realistic!

- Get a guy!
- Get a guy, a buddy, son!

Have you ever thought about looking
for a girlfriend online? Like on Tinder?

Have you used those websites?

Have you signed up?

There's one here called... Chispa?

Yeah, it's for Latino people, right?

Please explain, how do you know
about Chispa? What's that?

- What?
- How do you know about the app?

- Or whatever it is.
- The kid was talking about it.

No, he hadn't said anything about it yet.

We'll have a serious talk tonight!

And so it begins.

Ais, this Chispa app has questions,
shall I read them to you?

I want to know your answers.

This is an interesting question.

Ais, what if he says,
"I want someone with a strong sex drive"?

- That's fine.
- Does it fit the bill?

- Sure.
- Cool!

- Great work, team!
- Sure.

You're driving, look at the road!

- Look that way!
- I didn't raise her to be...

Eyes on the road!

- Oh, my God!
- So women can't have full sex lives?

- No, but...
- Fiery, crazy, sick woman...

- Of course they can!
- I mean, freedom for all, Eugenio!

I think you feel more liberated

because you're divorced!

You're a grown,
fulfilled woman, empowered...

- Free, not afraid of success.
- Free. Yeah, girl!

Yeah!

We're going to Perrine Bridge,
we're going to kayak under it.

Are we all kayaking?

- Yes!
- Kayaking? Yeah.

And jumping from the bridge.

Wait, Eugenio... What?

- There's no chance. I won't do it.
- Hey.

You used to be fun.
You've become a scaredy-cat now.

I'm not fun anymore.

I'm a mom now!

And there's no way you can
be a mom and be fun?

- Right?
- Exactly.

- Come on, honey, you have to jump!
- No!

- José Eduardo.
- What?

(mouths)
We'll talk later.

This could cost me my marriage.

I'll try, let me see.

I didn't tell Alessandra
that I booked the BASE jumping,

because when we were in Los Angeles,
I just mentioned doing it,

and she grabbed my hands and said,

"Promise me right now
that you won't jump."

And I said, "Okay.

"I'll see how I can handle this later,
but for now, I'll say I won't."

This is a dilemma. I really want to do it.

About the jumping thing...

I want to do it.

I'm not afraid of anything.

If you're not afraid, I'm not afraid.

Two scorpions not afraid of success.

That's right!

We're here! Okay, everybody, out!

It's a small bridge.

It's not a big bridge, I mean...

There's a river, you fall into the water.

- If something happens, there's water.
- Okay, it's all good.

I'm nervous, but I want to jump.

Is that the bridge?

=48 STORIES!!

ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD JUMP!

(OR LET THEIR KIDS JUMP)

- That's the bridge we're jumping from.
- Let's go, let's gather courage.

Not just a bridge. A bridge!

A bridge! I mean...

I don't know the exact height,
but it's huge!

- Nothing will happen.
- It can!

Maybe.

- It's nice out here.
- Yeah.

- At least there's shade.
- So hot!

- Yeah.
- It's unbearably hot.

- That's why I brought some wine.
- How's the wine?

- You brought wine?
- He brought it

because wine gives him
the courage to jump.

Did you see the bridge
you're jumping from?

Yes, that's why I poured a double.

The jump is scary
and it's making me nervous.

I don't know if I'll do it, but...

I think I'll do it.
I got the attitude to do it.

I'm getting better.

A little drink, and we're on.

I'm astonished.

You said no to everything in Morocco,
and now you seem willing.

Wait until I get up there
and I'm about to jump.

- Exactly.
- I'm not calling for Mom yet, but I will.

- What? Why? Man!
- I will call her.

To say goodbye! I might die.

You're a momma's boy. "Mommy, mommy!" No!

The family member we least expected
to jump was José Eduardo, he's a wuss.

He's gathering his courage.

- Do you fall in the water?
- No, it's like a parachute.

- Really?
- Yes, like a parachute.

Where do you land?

You jump, halfway into the jump,
you open your parachute,

it bursts...

Bursts?

- It opens.
- Yes, it opens.

And then it's a smooth landing.

- I'm very excited, I feel like...
- Right? You feel like...

- That's great!
- I'm a thrill-seeker.

Let's go, team! Scorpions!

Great! You're jumping too.

- That's great.
- We'll see, I don't know.

- And you, Aitana?
- We'll kayak.

- Do you want to jump, Aitana?
- No, kayak.

Are you jumping?

No, we talked about it.

No.

- We can let you two talk privately.
- No!

- Let's leave them.
- You can jump, if you want.

I promised you I wouldn't.

I won't jump if you don't want me to.

No, that's okay.
If you want to jump, jump.

If you want to jump, do it. It's fine.

It's fine. I think it's crazy,
I think it's too dangerous,

but if you want, you can jump.

- You don't want to come?
- No.

We'll go kayaking.

I don't want to see you
jumping off a bridge,

- into the abyss. No.
- I want to watch. Not jump, just watch.

We'll watch them from the bottom, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay?

If you want to jump off a bridge, go.

All right, let's go.

They're getting serious.

Yeah.

Let's go.

If Eugenio wants to jump off a bridge
and kill himself,

that's his problem.

Aitana and I will stay below
and watch. We'll see

where they land.

No!

I'm so nervous!

I love adrenaline.
I love thrills, adventures.

Every time you do something like that,

it stays in your memory forever.

I want my kids to remember the day
they jumped off the Perrine Bridge.

Oh, my God!

Are you jumping, son?

I don't know!

I'm so excited!

What did Ale say?
Was she mad? I don't understand.

- She calmly said...
- She was calm.

- She was.
- And she wasn't in LA?

No, she was upset.

She's using reverse psychology.

You'll regret this. We've never been here,

you'll never come back...

Ale might get upset.

If she's using reverse psychology,
she doesn't want me to jump.

Why? You always comply.

I know her. This would be a reason for...

Should I jump or get a divorce?

When a woman says, "Yes, honey,
if you want to go, go."

Something's wrong.

What if she wants me to die?

- No! Well...
- I'm being serious.

She's been talking
about how happy Aislinn looks.

- Think about it!
- Oh, my God!

I think she wants me to die.

- To die?
- Sure!

- So it's not her fault?
- To live her best life.

She won't do the dirty work.

Exactly. "He either dies,

"or he lives
and I'll divorce him for jumping."

- Exactly.
- That's it!

- That might be it.
- I'm sure it is!

I know you, Alessandra.

If I jump and break my promise,

you'll remind me of it daily
for the next 20 years.

Anytime anything happens,
you'll say, "You broke your promise."

And if I die,

you'll marry someone else
and keep my things. No way!

- She wins either way. She's manipulative.
- She's smart.

- Sick.
- Machiavellian.

Machiavellian.

If I die, take care of Fiona, please.

Take care of her like you do Aitana.

SEAN CHUMA
BASE JUMPING GUIDE

Damn, I don't think
I'm doing the right thing.

I don't... I'm already feeling like...

Like you're sacrificing your son?

- Are you scared?
- Of course I'm scared.

I got worried, I thought,
"What am I doing? That's my son!"

I'm risking his life in one
of the most dangerous sports,

and I'm doing this
to the one that hates adrenaline.

What am I doing?

- You're crying!
- Wait, wait.

Don't do it if you don't want to, son.

I'll do it.

Is your intuition talking?

Yeah?

I saw tears in your eyes.
Your eyes were red.

You guys were scared I was gonna die.

I was worried
I'd feel guilty if you died. Yeah.

I called Mom, I said goodbye.
"Mom, I'm jumping,

"if anything happens,
take care of my house and my pets."

I've got you.

So exciting!

Do it for us!

I've got you.

Fuck me.

- See? That's what alcohol does!
- That's for being a drunkard!

A drunkard!

But this is already an achievement!

I can imagine the stench if the guy
from afar and with a mask on

was able to smell it.

- I mean, how come?
- I wanted tequila,

but I only found wine,
I had two big glasses.

And I was feeling relaxed,
I was about to cry, but relaxed.

I mean, we were... I don't know
how high we were on that bridge...

Man, I can't believe
I even went over the rail.

- How do you feel?
- I can't believe it! Lucky bastard!

- So lucky!
- Son of a...

How do you feel? Are you happy?

- Yes.
- Alcohol saved you again.

Yeah!

I felt at ease
because I didn't have to jump.

And I felt embarrassed
about the reason I didn't jump.

- You did feel embarrassed.
- Yes, I was embarrassed.

I felt embarrassed. So embarrassed!

- You're shaking.
- Honey, come here.

Are you jumping? Yes or no?

Whatever, no pressure.

No, I have a daughter. I'm a mom.

I don't know.

It's not like I won't do
these things anymore,

but if anything happens,

I don't want my daughter to be an orphan.

The alcohol thing was a sign from God.

God said, "Wait, hang on."

If he was going to jump,

and God stopped him
because of the alcohol, then no.

Something feels wrong.

- I'm so nervous.
- Oh, my God.

No way! Damn!

It's not worth it!
There are better women out there!

Then he died.

No, of course he didn't!

How the hell were you going
to do that with him?

What? Would you have dared?

No.

I'm glad I didn't do it!

What do you think, did they jump?

I don't know.

How could we miss them?

Aitana and I are waiting,

for half hour, one hour...

- Kayaking!
- Yes, we'll go soon.

"When will they jump?"

- What's up?
- What happened?

I didn't die.

- It was fast.
- I didn't die.

- I'm here.
- Did you jump? Because we were watching.

- Right, Aitana?
- We did.

- We were waiting to see you.
- Aren't you happy I'm alive?

Did you jump or not?

Yes, but no...

- Yes.
- Yeah, José Eduardo did.

- But no.
- But yeah...

- You jumped?
- We didn't.

- I'll tell you the story at dinner.
- Yes, at dinner.

It's a long one, let's kayak!

- Yeah!
- Let's go.

I caught you. I discovered your plan.

- What?
- Look.

- What plan?
- Your plan.

Stop pretending, I know.

- What plan?
- You're wicked.

- What are you talking about? What plan?
- Oh, please!

Is this canyon incredible or what?

Let's have a race, shall we?

- Let's go!
- Dad already wants to compete. Please.

The Derbez family
is all about competition.

Just like Morocco.
It's either bikes or kayaks.

- Two, three!
- Two, three!

Let's go. Don't worry, sweetie.

- That way!
- Yes, we can do it!

We can do it, Scorpion!

Aislinn is 100% her father's daughter.

She hears "competition,"
and she's, "Where? What do I do?"

We won!

We won! Scorpions! Yeah!

Let's go, let's go!

Take that!

- Your crash...
- Is your crush.

- Your crush.
- Is your crash.

He keeps paddling.

We were going to jump from up there.

Look at the height.

When will we have access to a shower?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow? That's three days
without a shower!

Do you stink? Do I stink?

Three days without a shower
is normal for you.

God!

Are you okay with not showering?

- I don't care.
- Yeah! Good!

- She's relaxed.
- Like father, like daughter.

At the end of the day, our trip
to Idaho wasn't a total failure.

Let's look at the positive aspects.

We all had fun. Nobody died.

I'm still married.
It's all good. All good.

Could you try not to drive too fast?

Our next adventure: Camping.

Setting up the tent,
dinner under the stars.

Bonding with the family.

What could go wrong?

Stop making those dangerous turns!

Given the height of the van,
if you turn too fast, we can flip over.

If I make an abrupt turn,

"Turn."

- I'm not funny anymore?
- Look.

You've been telling
those jokes for 14 years.

Since I met you, maybe even earlier.

Why did you laugh at my jokes when we met?

Not all jokes are funny.

Sometimes, they're not.

But my performance level is high.

Sit, Mom, please.

Okay, so, everyone will have to think
of a nickname for each of us.

Write it down.

And then, each of us
will read our nicknames.

And we'll vote which nickname suits whom.

- Okay?
- Okay.

I thought up the nickname game

because we all have odd personalities.

And, I don't know...

I think it's a great family activity.

Son of a...

Ale will say her nicknames first.

Reckless. Faultfinder. The Control Tower.

I get it now!

I like The Control Tower.

She's always giving orders.

"Sit down. Shut up. Don't drive fast."

Yes, The Control Tower.

You think you're less controlling than I?

Maybe we're controlling
about different things.

They're complaining that
I'm too controlling on the trip.

But I'm proactive, that's different.

If I have to wait for you...
José Eduardo would be

drinking beer and smoking,
and would never move.

Aitana's are Rapunzel. Chiquis.

I like Chiquis,
she talks like Chiquis Rivera.

That's why I wrote it.

- 'Cause she talks like Chiquis Rivera.
- English and Spanish.

I like Rapunzel!

She likes Rapunzel.

Mine are so lame.

Shots.

While we're at it, open the bottle.

Okay. Shots, Corkscrew, Cheeks,

Comfy, Junior, JoJo Pepe Lalo.

These are a lot!

- The Sultan!
- The Sultan!

Okay. The Sultan.

We named José Eduardo "The Sultan" because
he wants us to do everything for him.

Everything. "Pass the salt."

"Scratch my back."

- Every day.
- "Soap me up."

"What's for breakfast, Ale?"

- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?

- Make your own breakfast, man!
- Yes.

The Sultan.

My turn now!

The Oily One.

The Little Mermaid. These suck!

Aitana wrote The Little Mermaid.

Thanks, that one's fine.

The Little Mermaid's fine.

Darketo, what's your vote?

I like Herb Girl.

I like The Oily One.

She's always covered in oil.

Or making one herself.

On her face, hands,
arms, legs, everywhere.

It's like she's glazed with egg whites.

- And then, she shines.
- Shiny.

- And...
- Wherever she goes, she smears everything.

- Who's next?
- Me!

Okay, go.

Okay, I'm disowning all of you.

- Come on.
- The Complainer.

Who wrote The Reindeer?

The Complainer!

"Who wrote The Reindeer?"

No, The Complainer.

Papa Smurf.

I vote for The Complainer.

- I totally vote for The Complainer!
- Oh, my God.

Why The Complainer? I never complain.

Did you seriously bring that suitcase?

- I can't believe it.
- Watch it!

What?

You can make eggs if you want.

I have to make them?

Stop talking and help me!

No, you never complain.

Come on, maybe a normal amount.

Sure, normal.

This is where we're gonna camp, Aitana.

Camping here will be scary.

We're here!

I've never camped with my family.
I was very excited about it.

We're finally camping.

Man, this is in the middle of nowhere.

It's in the middle of the woods,
you can't buy cigarettes,

beers or wine,

some snacks... Nothing.

Where do you go if you feel sick?

A healer, something. No, nothing.

- This is a good place.
- Let's start or we won't be done.

Okay, we'll put up two tents here.

One over here,
and the other one next to the tree.

- Where's the camping stuff?
- No, man.

- I need your help. It's late.
- José Eduardo.

Honestly, these days...

The bridge thing was catastrophic.

The boy has to learn how to put up a tent.

- Son, we're a team.
- He'll do one, you do the other one.

We got there, and it was getting dark.

So, I only had a few minutes
to put up the tents,

and I was so looking forward to that...

The whole family putting up tents,
making food, and smiling...

What? That's not real.

I've never put one of these up.

You never do anything.

- There's a first time for everything.
- Damn, man.

- This is the chair.
- You mention it...

The chair where I'll sit
and watch José Eduardo set up a tent.

Today is the day you do everything
you've never done before.

- Okay?
- No way.

It stresses me out not knowing
where I'll sleep, if I'll be cold,

if a rat, a bear or a snake will show up.

That's the fun part! It's an adventure,
not knowing what will happen.

"Will I be alive tomorrow?"

No, calm down, Rambo. No.

There's no manual?

Read it, man.

I asked if there was one so you'd read it,
but you won't.

The men of the family, the protectors,

can't even put a tent.

How will they protect us from a bear?

José Eduardo and Eugenio
can't protect us from anything!

José Eduardo,
did you blow up the mattress?

- José Eduardo!
- José Eduardo, take your things off here.

You're such a pain.

We have to start with the sides.

- Help me lift it and it will be done.
- Exactly.

Done? Done.

You're making dinner, right?
We put up the tent.

As always, José Eduardo is useless.

He can't do anything. I think
he doesn't even change his own socks.

"James, put my socks on."

Hey, hey! Come on!

- Damn! Bitch!
- Come on!

- My knee hurts!
- Hey!

- Come on, man.
- Get up!

- José Eduardo.
- Get up!

Get cooking or something,
for the love of God!

You're so lazy!

Stop fighting, come on,
stick this in the ground.

Of course I do stuff.
Today, I smoked a cigarette,

I chased my sister, I played with Aitana,

I almost lost my life,

I had some wine,

and now I'm making a fire.

Dad! What the hell?

- What's wrong with you?
- It bounced!

It didn't, you threw it.

Sure, yeah.

My own son wants to kill me now.

What's next? Fiona wanting to bite me?

It's time to get my revenge on Alessandra.

Stop! What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

- Damn you.
- Why did you hit me in the face?

I won't lie.

Giving the bear a smack
in the face felt good.

You hit me!

Weren't you scared?

You made so much noise before you came in.

The bear was hitting every tree.

And you're an actor!

You weren't scared?

You were really bad.

It's just...

Look at Aitana.

- She didn't even flinch.
- Fine, my prank failed.

But you really did make me laugh a lot.

Really?

Do you like this plan?

I think it's great, how long
has it been since we shared a room?

- Like...
- Fifteen years?

Fifteen years. We used to sleep
with Dad when we were little.

- We all slept in the same bed.
- We farted.

Yes. That's true.

If you fart in there,
there will be consequences.

- I'll kick you out.
- I'll control myself.

I'll kick you out! Control your sphincter.

- And you?
- I can control it.

Not true, you burp a lot.

I'll control my sphincter.

- Your mouth?
- Burps don't smell.

The point is, we're very different,

- but we always got along.
- Yeah.

We always joined forces.

- To mess with Vadhir.
- To mess with Vadhir.

It's a nice sound.

Very nice.

- Yeah, I kind of like it.
- Yeah, it's nice.

- Yeah.
- Even if you were lazy

and didn't put up a tent, it's cool.

Done.

- Can I make a confession?
- Yeah.

I've never... Honestly, never...

...had a one-night stand.

I mean, I've made out
with a few random people,

but it never got to that because

I find it super awkward
and not romantic at all.

- I think I only had one.
- Really?

- I don't really remember.
- You seem like a one-night stand guy.

One-night stand guy.

Exactly. It's better...

- To become celibate.
- ...to get a good friend.

- Someone you really like.
- A fuck buddy?

No, not really,

because I can only get turned on,
and get hot and bothered...

Well, I've heard thirsty,

horny, but never "hot and bothered."

Well, I can only get
hot and bothered if I'm in love.

- You have to be in love?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, I have to...
- I don't get it.

You don't get a test run
until you're in love, and you're done.

- If you don't like it...
- I swear, I have a problem.

- I mean...
- You have many problems.

I have to feel love
and love the person a lot

to give them access to my gate.

That freaking gate must squeak
every time you open it, then.

It's better if you keep that gate closed.

Did you hear that?

- Damn.
- Listen. I hear wolves.

Hey, come here.

Are you afraid?

Very?

Listen!

Well, we have to sleep.

Or we won't sleep at all.

I think we can't sleep
because we're afraid.

Did you hear that?

José Eduardo!