Dawson's Creek (1998–2003): Season 3, Episode 3 - None of the Above - full transcript

Hey.

This isn't working out
exactly the way l planned.

The point of us spending time together
was to talk and get to know each other.

And then can we have sex?

l'm not ruling that out. l'm just--
You know, first things first.

-Movie night, we watch movies.
-l prefer TV.

-You've got to be kidding.
-Actually, no.

Movies are an art form. This is just
the pabulum between beer commercials.

Don't be such a snob, Dawson.
l mean, a TV show is just like a movie.

Except shorter,
with built-in bathroom breaks.

-And you get a new sequel every week.
-Sequels l hate on principle.

Suit yourself. l'm hooked.

-You read my paper. How bad was it?
-It wasn't bad.

All right, you know what?
Take Felicity, for example.

Come on, you've seen one hour of
whiny teen angst, you've seen them all.

She's pretty, but what
kind of a heroine is she?

Well, she's indecisive. She's basically
paralysed by some romantic notion...

...of the way things are
supposed to be.

-lf you ask me, she's kind of chatty.
-She's you.

-Excuse me?
-She's you, Dawson.

Except she's in college
and a girl, and--

A fictional character
on a television show.

Exactly. Think about it.
You're straight out of central casting.

Perfect hair, perfect skin.

-Our hero.
-Well...

...obviously you weren't watching last
season. lt was far from perfect.

You know, which is, in general,
my complaint about television.

lt's not reality. lt's perfection.

l mean, nobody ever blows it
or gets tested in any real way...

...or ever makes the wrong choice
or a bad choice or....

Don't you know
that's where l come in?

You know, second season.
Shake things up.

Screw the status quo.

A temptress, who will test
our hero's very moral fibre.

Will he survive unscathed?

Stay tuned.

You know what else l hate
about television?

They always cut to commercial
at the best part.

PSAT lN PROGRESS:
QUlET!

Dawson. Dawson.

Dawson.

Dawson! Dawson!

Good morning. It's 6..45,
and it's 65 degrees and sunny--

Another glorious day on the cape.

As millions of teens around the country
cram for this week end's exam...

... we'll talk with John Katzman, author
of the best-selling Cracking the PSAT.

One step ahead of you, baby.

--in this, the most
competitive year ever.

Competitive? Try this on for size.

Dogmatic. Synonyms: single-minded,
stubborn, obdurate, adamant.

Antonyms would be--

--wishy-washy, ambivalent...

...equivocal.

You thought Dawson was the
only one with a prolific vocabulary?

No, l just didn't think we really had to
study with our newfound activities.

Easy, tiger. You haven't won
that football scholarship yet. Okay.

Your turn. Pick a card, any card.

Nonchalant. Okay.
The synonyms would be...

...carefree, languid, oblivious.

NONCHALANT

Okay, good.
Now, antonyms. Mr. Leery.

Alert, attentive, concerned.

Provided you believe the PSAT
is a measure of intelligence...

...and not a culturally biased weapon
against the poor.

That's a good point, Dawson.

Standardized testing isn't perfect.

ln fact, some might say it's designed
to trip you up, mess with your mind...

...convince you you're not
as smart as you think you are.

But if you want to go to college,
it's the only game in town.

All right, hang on.
Now, look, don't forget.

Tomorrow: sample math section.

l need you to bring a number two
pencil and your brains...

...both of them sharpened.
Thank you.

Joey, would you hang on
for a moment, please?

Belligerent....

God is not this humourless.

God.

Don't worry, Pacey. This isn't gonna be
one of those horribly awkward...

...hope-boy-didn't-mean-what-he-said-
during-breakup moments.

Good, because l sure don't want to play
the guy-feels-guilty-even-though...

...girl-had-affair-with-mental-patient
scene.

Fair enough.

Not that it's my business, but have you
ever heard of over-preparing for a test?

-As opposed to not preparing at all?
-As opposed to going crazy...

...over something with
the word '' practice'' in front of it.

lf you want to throw away
everything we've--

l mean, you've worked for,
that's fine by me.

-Here.
-Me, on the other hand...

...l am not gonna let our little bump
in the road throw me off course.

See you around.

You keep your wits about you, Joey...

...and you got a legitimate shot
at a National Merit Scholarship.

Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me,
and telling me, and telling me.

Too much pressure on you, huh?

l couldn't sleep again last night.

Trust me, l know. l've been there.

l keep thinking that
if l don't ace this exam...

...l'm gonna end up making beds and
cleaning toilets at the Dead End Motel.

Here's what l want you to do.
l want you to take the night off...

...just to relax. l don't know.
Hang out with a friend. Rent a movie.

You're going to do just fine.
You're going to do better than fine.

And the faculty and l have all
the confidence in the world in you.

Okay?

-Dawson.
-Hi.

Since we agreed to peace with honour,
is it against the rules to ask for help?

-Of course not.
-Good. Because l could use some.

-What do you need?
-l don't know.

A night of mindless entertainment.

Jurassic Park
or maybe one of those...

...meteorite-asteroid-atomic-bomb
movies where Willis or Clooney...

...or someone manages to save the
entire planet without breaking a sweat.

l just need something
to take my mind off the test.

Yeah, you've got a lot
riding on it, l know.

Just my entire future.

-You tell me when and where.
-How about tonight?

-Tonight?
-Hey, sports fans.

How's 9:00?

Actually, tonight,
she and l were thinking that....

Hey, why don't you come with us?

Yeah. l might, on another planet,
in a different universe. No offence.

What was that about?

l'd appreciate some contact, people!

Come off the ground hard
and pop, pop! Put some hurt on!

Execute!

You're up, McPhee.

Jack, you can do this.
Just remember, when you're hit...

...button up, become foetal.
Hug that ball. Hug that ball.

Hug that ball. Hug that ball.

Take it to him.

How to hit, baby! How to hit!

Get up, McPhee. You're defacing
the landscape, again.

You see what's going on?
They're singling me out.

-Yeah, but not for the reasons you think.
-lt's obvious.

Gay or straight,
you're the new kid on the block...

...and you're not protecting the football
the way you should. Now, do it again.

McPhee! Three-point stance!

Can you hear me, Jack?
Jack, you know where you are?

How many fingers?

l think l'm gonna hurl.

This guy's not exactly
what you'd call a ladies' man.

But l tell him, it is easy.

There's only one rule,
plain and simple:

Give the ladies what they want.

-How about giving me what l want?
-l thought you'd never ask.

Friday night off, so l can study
for the PSATs. They're Saturday.

Yeah, sure. Why not? No sweat.
l remember what it was like.

Of course, l didn't take the PSATs.

-What, Daddy built the university?
-No, no. Just endowed it.

Actually, l hired a ringer.

Seriously. Paid some brainiac a couple
thousand dollars to take it for me.

Won me a scholarship too.

Well, since l don't have that kind
of cash, thank you. l owe you one.

Well, here's a thought:

You let me take you out
for a post-PSAT celebration.

Saturday night. You and me.

Thanks, but husband doesn't
really like me seeing other people.

Sure. Thought you were gonna say
you had to wash your hair.

No, that's Wednesdays.
Actually, Rob, the truth is...

...l'm a lesbian.

Anyone l know?

So is it a date? Saturday night.
What do you say?

Look, would it be all right
if l just said no?

Yeah. Sure thing, Potter.
No problem.

l was starting to worry about you.

l was searching for the perfect apple.
Go ahead. Take a bite.

See if it tastes as good as it looks.

-And if l do?
-You will know the difference...

...between good and evil.

Get out here, Dawson.
lt's a beautiful night.

l haven't been out here since--

-Since Joey and l were still--
-Joey?

You mean the ubiquitous brunette?

The one who hasn't learned the power
she holds over the hearts of men?

She lives down the creek.

She used to sleep over,
before we developed...

...secondary sexual characteristics.

-l had a boy-next-door.
-You did?

-Doesn't everybody?
-What was his name?

Monroe. We literally lived in
adjoining houses on the base.

-You were a military brat?
-U.S. Army, born and bred.

ln fact, we could see
into each other's bedrooms.

Really? That must
have been convenient.

No kidding. Only problem is...

...he was my dad's
commanding officer.

-l brought you something else.
-What is this?

Call it a study aid.

-That is not--
-Oh, it is.

An advance copy
of Saturday's PSAT.

-Why are you showing this to me?
-Well...

...l was planning on
giving it to you.

There's no way l could do that.

Don't be so selfish, Dawson.

l mean, if it goes against
your moral code, fine, but...

...surely there must be somebody
you know who could use it.

The apple was a metaphor.

This is the real thing.

An envelope? This is why you
covertly hushed us into a corner?

Read the fine print. lt says ETS,
as in Educational Testing Service.

-Dawson, this is not what l think it is.
-Think again.

-Oh, God.
-How'd you get this?

-Does it matter?
-Of course it matters.

When we're all sent to prison, l'd like
to know who l'm taking the rap for.

-Someone.
-A certain someone with blond locks...

...and a name that rhymes
with ''Steve''?

Oh, she's good. l like that girl.
She's good.

Once again, Dawson proves
the groin is mightier than the brain.

Well, l mean, have you looked inside?
lt could be a joke.

-There's one way to find out.
-Way to complete...

...your return to the halls of loserdom.

Maybe you'd like to open it up.
Cheating seems to be an activity...

-...you're real comfortable with.
-Nobody's opening anything.

Dawson, just take it back,
and none of us ever saw it.

Not to sound like the only typical
high-school student here, but...

...as the only typical student,
what's the harm in peeking?

Peeking? l can have us a detailed
crib sheet in half an hour.

Guys, look, my first reaction
was to dump it...

...but you heard Principal Green.
l mean, these things are a game...

...and as wrong as cheating sounds,
l thought l'd bring it up for discussion.

Okay, morals to Dawson.
Come in, Dawson. This is wrong.

Besides, it's the PSAT. No one's even
required to take it, let alone do well.

Unless you want to qualify
for a National Merit Scholarship.

Or if you've been too busy getting
the crap beaten out of you to study.

Or if you really want
to go to Harvard.

Or if a failed relationship has put
you through the emotional wringer...

...and you just don't care
these days.

Or if you've just been
too darn busy getting busy.

The point is, we could all
use it for something.

All right, people, let's take our seats.

One sample math section
coming your way.

On second thought--
All right, you all know the drill.

Leave everything exactly where it is
and file out in an orderly fashion.

-Mr. Leery, now, please.
-Okay.

-Dawson.
-lt's gone.

-What's gone?
-lt.

-Very funny.
-l already checked.

-You just left it here?
-Green was hovering.

Okay, l took it. Joking. Good God.

That's not funny.

Pacey, please tell me
you saved all our lives.

-Excuse me?
-lt's missing.

-What?
-lt.

lt isn't missing,
or you don't have it?

Both or neither.

l don't even know
what you guys are talking about.

-Pacey, will you quit screwing around?
-Oh, l'm not screwing around, Andie.

l'm just as upset as you are.
Dismayed, even broken-hearted.

The McLaughlin Group,
right here at Capeside.

Oh, l love the early morning debate.
What's today's topic?

Hey, wait a minute. Don't tell me.
Why is the PSAT not an oral exam?

Unfortunately, you're on
your own on this one.

So let's do me a favour and get
back to it independently, okay?

Let's go. Come on.

Joey, what the hell?
What do you think you're doing?

lt was a mistake. Calm down.

Look, l'm sorry about that.
She's new here.

Your gas is on the house.

You didn't have to do that.
So l spilled a little.

lt's not exactly the Exxon Valdez.

That $38 is coming out
of your paycheck, Potter.

And consider your
precious night off cancelled.

-What?
-You're working tomorrow night.

-So that's how it's going to be?
-That's how what's gonna be?

This is not about me messing up on
the job. This is about your bruised ego.

Not used to female rejection,
are you, Rob?

l have no idea what you're
talking about, Potter.

-Damn, Jen.
-Try not to make any sharp movements.

Tends to happen when a surging
pain strikes my chest cavity.

-l thought that you wore pads out there.
-l must be wearing the placebo pads.

At least you can maintain your
sense of humour through this.

-Till it gets beaten out of me too.
-Here.

Sorry. Tomorrow,
l'm turning in my helmet.

-Jack, you can't.
-Yeah? Watch me.

All right, you want to be a quitter?

Go right ahead. Be a quitter.

Okay, Ward. l'm not Beaver Cleaver,
and we're not in black and white here.

And no half-ass layman's use
of reverse psychology is gonna...

...stop me from preventing my corpse
from being carried off.

Mock the sentiment,
but you can't deny the truth.

When you quit, you tell yourself
you're not good enough.

So, what you're saying is that...

...what l learn out there
about sacrifice and pain...

...will be of infinite value later in life?

And if l quit now,
l'll most surely quit...

...in the more important contests
of the future?

-Exactly.
-Yeah, well, l'm quitting.

Okay, smart-ass,
how about this for a reason?

You caught the ball.

Call me corny, call me superstitious,
but fate tossed you that ball, Jack.

Who knows why, but it did.

Maybe you're meant to be
a gay athlete...

...who inspires others to come
to terms with who they are.

Maybe you're meant to help
this school win a few games...

...and develop a sense of morale.

Or maybe this is the first step...

...towards meeting someone else
in a similar situation.

You don't know the reason,
but until you do, hang on to that ball.

That was cheesier
than your first response.

Come on.

Never talk back to someone
who could cut off your air supply.

-You're wasting your time, Dawson.
-lt's got to be here somewhere.

-How do you figure?
-Eve...

...could you at least pretend
to help me save my ass?

-Well, it is a cute ass, but....
-But what?

We don't have a chance
of finding what you're looking for.

The test was on this table.

-The next minute, it's gone. lt has--
-Quick, Dawson, someone's coming.

Kill the light.

Question: What would look better
on my high-school transcripts?

A, cheating,
B, possession of stolen materials...

...C, breaking and entering,
or D, all of the above?

You're right, Dawson.

-About what?
-Let's get out of here.

Besides, if you really want that exam
back, it shouldn't be too difficult.

What do you mean?

lt didn't disappear, Dawson.

Somebody took it.

-How do you know that?
-Call it female intuition.

lf you're right, it could be anybody.

There were dozens of kids
in that room when the alarm went off.

Process of elimination:
Of those kids...

...how many knew
what was in the envelope?

Five. Six, including me.

Who would steal something
they didn't know the value of?

See my point? Face it, Dawson.

ln the privacy of their own room...

...one of your friends is right now
slipping a finger between the pages...

...and breaking the seal.

One month into my tenure here
as principal at Capeside High...

...and l got a national cheating
scandal on my hands! Look...

...it makes no difference whether
one of you takes the fall...

...or you all go down together
in some sort of...

...grand gesture of teenage loyalty.

But somebody better fess up,
and better fess up soon.

Otherwise, you are all expelled.

Joey?

CAPESlDE
HlGH SCHOOL

So, what kind of black-market booty
do you have for us today?

Find out what Microsoft
will be trading at tomorrow?

l called you here because l wanted
to give you all, to give us all...

-...a chance to rectify this situation.
-How?

Whoever stole the test
needs to give it back.

Well, wasn't it already stolen,
Dawson?

l love the way that this girl thinks.

Look, the point is, it's missing.
Yesterday it wasn't.

So, what's the harm in just
letting it be lost?

Whoever got it was no more desperate
than the rest of us, only quicker.

Doesn't it bother anyone what this says
about our group's level of integrity?

Well, l think l speak for our group
when l respond with a hearty '' no.''

l'm starting to feel like some sort
of psychologically abused lab rat.

-You're not the lab rat, Jen. Dawson is.
-Watch it, Joey.

Throwing parties, crashing boats,
upstaging marching bands?

lf your rope was any more yanked,
you'd be a bell.

-Eve has nothing to do with this.
-lt's typical Dawson Leery behaviour...

...to offer your friends contraband.

She didn't tell me to do anything
with that test.

You are so blinded by her cover-girl
looks, you wouldn't notice if she did.

When offered that test, you didn't fire
one ethical comment her way, did you?

lt's your friends who have to sit here
and suffer through your morality play.

Bleached-blond ho-bags willing
to put out need not audition.

-Are you finished?
-l could go on.

l'm sorry l started this, but one of us
took this charade to another level.

Here's the deal. l'm gonna leave
my locker unlocked.

Whoever has the test
will put it inside by 5:30 today.

Oh, come on, Dawson.

The petty thief among us
already left the crime scene.

They're not gonna return it now.
What's the incentive?

To do the right thing.

You got a second?
lt's important, Pacey.

Sure.

l'm really not in the mood
for some sordid heart-to-heart...

...so if we can just
cut this thing short.

Okay.

Consider this final negotiations.

-What's this?
-Look for yourself.

Well, it's some T-shirts,
my Panthers cap...

...and Dumbo...

...which is the first thing l gave you.

Everything you gave me is in this box.

All pictures, CDs, jewellery,
it's all there.

lsn't this a little harsh?

Pacey, this isn't gonna be one of
those long, drawn-out breakups.

You're not dealing with last year's
basket case. My life is in order.

And l'll do everything l can
to keep it that way. l have a plan.

Right. Harvard, Harvard uber alles.

l wanted you to be a part of it,
and if you can't, you get nothing.

-Not even memories?
-Especially not those.

Fine. Look, if those are the terms,
where do l sign?

You just did.

All right, Jacky boy!
Move them out! We hit! We hit!

Jacky boy! Work! Work! Work!

-You know what you need?
-What?

A mantra. A private word or sound.
Everyone's got one.

Really? What for?

Something to take your mind off the
fact that you're gonna be annihilated...

...by a 250-pound lineman snorting fire
at you from the other side of the ball.

-Oh, that's great.
-Seriously, Jack.

Anything to stop from thinking.
ln this sport, thought equals death.

Let me ask you something:
Why are you doing this?

-What do you mean?
-Helping me. l don't....

That's easy. Two reasons.

First, l want to win football games...

...and without your magic hands,
we don't stand a chance.

And two is....

Well, you're gay, right? l mean, it's not
supposed to be a secret or anything?

No.

Why the interest
in my sexual orientation?

Well, there's this girl that you know.

-More like an angel, really, a goddess.
-Who?

l dream about her, Jack,
every night, heavy dreams...

...about her lips, her breasts, her legs.
lf she would just allow me near her...

...to smell her sweet smell, maybe even
kiss me or take me in her arms...

...deliver me from suffering falsehood,
it'd prove there wasn't anything bad...

...or empty-hearted in this world
that couldn't be corrected.

-Slow down. Get a grip on yourself.
-See how l am?

You gotta help me.
l'm begging you.

You're not talking
about who l think you're...?

-A certain head cheerleader.
-Jen Lindley?

-What?
-Word to the wise:

This is no reflection on you, Henry,
at all, but you're a freshman.

Okay? You have about as much
chance with Jen Lindley...

...as l have in making it through
that chute tomorrow.

l'll be there in a minute.

No loitering, Pacey.

Listen. l am a legitimate customer...

...and l demand some service, missy.

-Have you been drinking?
-Only liquor, l promise.

-What's wrong?
-lt's nothing a little bonfire won't fix.

You see, our friend Andie...

...decided that she needed
to cleanse me from her life...

...to maintain her sanity.

The casualties were the contents
of this box.

Behold--

-Oh, hello, Mr. Dock.
-Pacey....

-Hey, Jo.
-Yeah?

Do me a favour.

l probably shouldn't
go home like this.

Think you could call my dad
and tell him l'm here?

Yeah.

That's my girl.

You're like a Saint Bernard, Dawson.

Loyal and faithful to the last.

ln 30 seconds, l'm gonna open
that locker and prove you wrong.

How can you be so certain?

Because l believe
in happy endings, Eve.

-l always have.
-Happy endings.

There's a contradiction in terms
if l ever heard one.

-You're enjoying this.
-Not really.

lt's just that my taste in fairy tales runs
more towards the Brothers Grimm.

How can you be
so relentlessly cynical?

How can you be
so profoundly naive?

All is not lost, my sweet prince.

You know what, Eve, just....

-Leave me the hell alone, okay?
-Are you sure?

Bet l can help you
get the test back.

How?

By telling you who took it.

l'm listening.

Tell me who you think it is.

-l don't know.
-Yes, you do.

Whoever you were just thinking of,
that's the thief.

-lt's that simple?
-lt is.

Simple and obvious.

lf there's one thing l've learned
from those PSAT prep books...

...it's that the most obvious choice
is usually the wrong one.

We're not talking about
standardized tests here, Dawson.

Take a look at your yearbook.
lt's a crystal ball.

The ones most likely to succeed
usually succeed.

And the one most likely
to wind up in a chain gang...

...usually has some rock-breaking
in his future.

Welcome to the real world, Dawson...

...where the first person to stab
you in the back is your best friend.

Well, if it isn't
lnspector Get-a-Clouseau.

What brings you to these parts
at this late hour?

-You're drunk.
-You're quick.

lt's the night before the PSAT.
Why are you drinking?

l don't need to study.
l mean, l got the test, right?

-lf you have it, give it back.
-Oh, l wish l did, hombre.

l mean, l really wish l did.
But l don't.

l don't. lt's not here.

lt's not at home under my bed with
my Playboys. lt is nowhere to be found.

Pacey, we've been friends
for 1 6 years, and l'm not stupid.

Friends, huh? Friends.

You know, that word ''friends.''
lt's an interesting word.

lt implies that you would
actually believe your friend...

...when he tells you something.

-When you tell me the truth.
-When he's tell--

You want to know what l find so
very amusing about this situation?

l mean, what l think is so really,
really rich about all this...

...is that you yourself were
capable of stealing this test.

You didn't throw that test away.

You didn't give it back to Eve.
You brought it to us!

l wanted to consult the
people l trusted...

...to determine what the best thing
was to do.

l never thought anyone would be so
weak or so self-motivated to swipe it.

Weak and self-motivated, huh?

Now, which one of those two
colourful adjectives would l be?

You are who you are, Pacey.

Yes, l am, Dawson.
And so are you.

You, Dawson Leery, are a self-righteous
son of a bitch who cares more about...

...his defunct 1 950s belief system than
the people who fail to live up to it.

lnteresting, coming from a smug,
cold-hearted son of a bitch...

...who just dumped his girlfriend
after she begged for sympathy.

At least l didn't
send her father to prison.

No. You just made her go crazy.

-Dawson, what are you doing?
-lt's my fault. l'm sorry.

Dawson, this has got to stop.

Are you okay?

Hey, l brought you a Pepsi.

-No, thanks. l'm not thirsty.
-lt's for your lip, moron, in lieu of ice.

-l can't believe he thought l took it.
-So what, Pacey?

l thought if l'd earned
anyone's respect, it was Dawson's.

lf the guy who knows you best thinks
you're a loser, then maybe--

Then maybe you are one? Come on.

l've thought you were a loser for years,
but you've never believed me.

lt's just....

When does a person start believing the
general consensus about themselves?

When it's right.

Do me a favour.

Would you tell your friend
Dawson that l'm innocent?

-l mean, he'll believe you.
-Oh, my friend?

Look, he's your friend too,
and you know as well as l do...

...that he's somewhere sulking over
the gravity of his wrongful accusation.

Oh, well, good. Let him stew
in his own pride for a while.

-We're all guilty of that.
-l'd never accuse him of cheating.

Well, l'm sure he'd never
take the first swing at you.

-He started that whole thing.
-l'm not getting into this.

-Okay, so tell me.
-What?

What do you think happened
to that test?

l don't know.

And to be honest,
l don't want to know.

There are certain things in life you
just-- You're better off not knowing.

Certain things that you wish
you never knew, never asked, and...

...never saw.

Okay, so tell me honestly.

Does it look that bad?

On your face,
any reconstructive surgery...

...is a definite improvement.

Did you get it back?

-Not exactly.
-What happened?

That's what l've been
sitting here trying to figure out.

And?

The only thing l can
come up with is you, Eve.

You happened to me.
You and that stupid test.

Which one of us
gave you the black eye?

l accept my blame in this, but don't
tell me that you didn't know...

...what giving me that test
would do.

lf crafting me as the
villain in your mystery...

...is what it takes for you
to sleep at night...

...go right ahead.

The fact is, we're all criminals,
Dawson, in one way or another.

lt's just the stupid ones
who get caught.

Nice knowing you, Eve.

ls that how it works?

Someone offers you a view of human
nature that's even remotely truthful...

...and you just walk away
from them?

lt terrifies you, doesn't it?

That wholesome Dawson Leery
could be so overwhelmingly attracted...

...to someone so flawed...

...so real.

The purpose of our spending time
together was to get to know each other.

And you know what?

Now that l know you...

...l don't really like you.

Parker, come on. Remove your
tongue from the turf.

-l need some words of encouragement.
-Well, sure thing.

How's your ribs?

Well, l can still breathe,
but then again, practice isn't over yet.

All right, people.
Put your helmets on.

-McPhee, you're first in the chute.
-You got your mantra?

-What is it?
-Fug.

-Fug?
-F-U-G.

lt's the only word l got in my
head right now. Fug. Fug. Fug!

-Then go with it.
-All right.

Fug. Fug. Oh, fug.

Fug!

-What do you know?
-Way to go!

Way to go!

Good job, baby.

Way to go!

Unreal.

Fug.

Fug.

Fug! Fug!

-What the...?
-Fug!

What the hell was that?

Today's PSAT test will be
two and a half hours long.

As you know,
there are five sections:

Two verbal, two mathematics,
and one writing.

There will be one 1 5-minute break.
Are there any questions?

All right. You people have 30 minutes
to complete sections--

Can l help you, Mr. Leery?

What are you doing?

lt's a long story.

Okay. lf there's no one else....

l left the oven on.

-What took you so long?
-lt's those analogies. They're killer.

Remind me why we
just did that again.

lf we're gonna beat the crap
out of each other...

...it should at least be over a chick.

You may begin.