Dawson's Creek (1998–2003): Season 1, Episode 12 - Beauty Contest - full transcript
Joey asks Jen to help shed her tomboy image so she can enter a beauty competition to make something of herself, while Pacey decides to do the same much to the annoyance of the other female contenders. While Dawson covers the competition as his first news-run gig with his mother's assistance, Jen begins to regret her breakup with Dawson.
"Beauty Contest"
Female mating preferences...
...vary widely among the
different insect species.
What are you watching?
A special I taped
on entomological sexual behavior.
It's a little visual aid
for my biology term paper.
For others, it is advantageous
only for the offspring...
...who ultimately benefit
from selective paternity.
How does she know which one she's
attracted to? They all look the same.
Instinct.
Unlike people.
-People don't find mates by instinct?
-Meaning people go by whatever...
...supermodel the media decides to be
this month's perfect human specimen.
I don't need Entertainment Tonight
to tell me Drew Barrymore is hot.
Twentieth-century men
worship women...
...who look like nutritionally
deprived heroin addicts.
In the Renaissance, they
liked women who were hefty.
Some cultures like women
with bones through their noses...
...and plates in their mouths.
It's just the way it goes.
You're reaching.
Maybe there is truth to what you're
saying, but you can't tell me...
...that pure animal instinct
doesn't have something to do...
...with what kind of guy
you're attracted to.
All right?
I haven't the slightest idea,
Dawson.
So your mom's judging
for the Windjammer Days?
Yeah, they'll let me
cover it for the station.
So, what are these
"Windjammer Days"?
It's this yearly event the
yacht club holds. A little pageant.
They try and reel in the last remaining
tourists before the town shuts down.
It's a blue-blooded tradition
which celebrates...
...the grand achievement
of being born rich.
The culmination of which
is this asinine formal dinner...
...where some young nubile
whose daddy owns the bank...
...is crowned Miss Windjammer.
It's the most archaic display
of ageism, racism...
...and sexism known to man.
-They have a swimsuit competition?
-I don't think so.
Maybe I could be a guy who warms
up the girls before they go on-stage.
It's not a porno, Pacey.
My mother used
to enter me in these...
...disgusting "Little Miss" pageants
before I was old enough to protest.
Let me guess.
You twirled the baton.
-Meaning?
-Nothing.
-You should enter.
-Yeah.
No, seriously.
You're beautiful.
Nobody can dispute that.
I can totally picture you
strolling past the judges...
...flashing that million-dollar
smile of yours.
Well, I'm afraid that
my baton-twirling days are over.
Well, first prize is $5000
and a trip to New York.
Why don't you enter?
I'm sure you have inspired ideas...
-...on how to achieve world peace.
-World peace is easy.
It's the tap-dancing pumps
that I get in trouble with.
It's a skill.
Backhanded insults
disguised as compliments.
It's really a novel approach to
winning back a woman's affections.
Well, I figured I'd give it a shot.
I've tried everything else.
Why don't you just get over it?
She has.
I think I have gotten over it.
I just....
I don't know.
Winning her back has evolved...
...into some sort of bizarre hobby.
-Slow, huh?
-As the tourists go, so do the tips.
-That bad?
-I'll put it to you this way:
Higher education for me
will be no further away...
...than Capeside Community
Vocational lnstitute.
You're smart.
You can get a scholarship.
Yeah, but I can't bank
on a full one.
Look, Joey...
...now that the proverbial wedge
we so fondly refer to...
...as Dawson Leery
is no longer between us...
...we could actually be friends.
I know,
it's a bizarre concept...
...but we might have
more in common...
...than just the boy next door.
Okay.
We're not.
We don't have to, like,
wash each other's hair...
...and do each other's nails,
do we?
Pacey.
I can't find my pen.
-Thanks.
-You okay?
Yeah. Just spent the entire morning
with my father telling me I'm...
...a scholastically inept, athletically
challenged, underachieving loser.
-I'm fine.
-He said that?
He starts on the
failing-biology thing...
...then into the skipping-school-
to-do-Providence thing.
He forgot the
stealing-his-car thing.
Borrowing, stealing--
It's not like I killed anybody.
If I hear, "Why can't you be like your
brother, Doug?" one more time...
...my head is going to explode.
You're more than welcome
to crash at my house for a few.
Thanks, but I was thinking of
something a little more permanent.
Forget about it. Your father's never
gonna let you move out of his house.
He told me as soon as I wanna
become an emancipated minor...
...I should just show him
where he needs to sign.
Check this out.
First and last, 250 a month.
That's Mill Street.
Capeside's official tenement.
Well, it beats the Witter family
house of horrors, doesn't it?
How are you gonna pay for this
roach-infested bachelor pad?
Well, that's the problem,
isn't it?
With my video store wage,
I can't even afford a two-man tent.
You don't need an assistant
for that beauty pageant, do you?
I'm not even getting paid.
The only person making any money
off this is Miss Windjammer herself.
Maybe I'll toss my tiara into the ring.
You know, a $5000 reward...
...that'd get me into one of those
executive bachelor pads downtown.
I'm afraid your ability to relieve
yourself standing up...
...has rendered you ineligible.
Once again, sexual discrimination
rears its ugly head.
Wouldn't that just piss my dad off?
You know, Joey, you're one of
the prettiest girls in the school.
Why is it that every time
I give you a compliment...
...you look at me like
I'm trying to hit on you?
I don't know, l....
I guess it's just because it makes me
feel a little uncomfortable.
-Why?
-I know I'm not pretty.
-Stop it.
-You know, it's funny, Joey, but...
...when I was dating Dawson,
I was petrified that any day...
...he'd take the blinders off
and realize how gorgeous you are.
Yeah, right.
When guys look at you, they think,
"Wow, what a babe."
And when they look at me, they
think, "Gee, she's really tall."
I think that you should enter
the Miss Windjammer Pageant.
-What drugs are you on?
-I'm serious. Look, I'll coach you.
You can easily take
that evening gown competition.
The academic part would be
a slam-dunk for you, Joey.
Let's not go overboard on this
let's-be-friends, female-bonding thing.
You might find
that we have fun together.
I wouldn't degrade myself.
One night of your life,
$5000, Joey.
I'd say that's a pretty respectable
college nest egg, don't you think?
Come on, Miss America.
I feel like I'm about to set the
women's movement back 20 years.
If I were you, I'd start filling out
those lvy League applications.
The competition does not
look like much.
-This is unconstitutional!
-I assure you, Mr. Witter...
...nothing in the U.S. Constitution
says that you have the right to enter.
And there's nothing in your
rule book that says I can't.
-There must be something, Jack.
-I'm telling you--
This is the
Miss Windjammer Pageant.
If you have a tendency
towards cross-dressing....
What are you doing here?
Pacey is trying to enter
the Miss Windjammer Pageant?
Why not?
Last year, Ashlee Elliott successfully
sued to join the boys' football team.
It's one of the more intrepid
things Pacey's done.
He's blown the gender gap
wide open.
Well, I guess we all know what's
in it for you, Dan Rather.
Tell me about it.
Before, this was a little mention
on the 1 1 :00 news.
Now I actually have a shot
at a feature story.
So I see you decided
to enter after all.
No. No, I'm just here
as a coach.
Who are you coaching?
I'll see you guys later.
I'm gonna watch Pacey...
...make an ass out of himself.
Very funny.
What, are you guys doing some
kind of expos? for the paper?
Get out. Joey Potter
entering a beauty pageant?
-This is classic.
-I see.
You think I'm such a barking
car-chaser that a D-student...
...with a Julius Caesar haircut
has a better shot than me?
-Thanks a lot.
-Joey, no. It's just--
I know how you feel about these
things. It's just so not you.
Why didn't you tell me?
I knew you'd make me feel like an
even bigger idiot than I already am.
Believe me, Dawson, nobody's
laughing harder about this than me.
But unfortunately,
the opportunity to win $5000...
...no matter how slim or humiliating
or ludicrous my chances are...
...the money has to take precedence
over everything, including my pride.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you
were serious about this. I mean...
...it kind of caught me by surprise.
You gotta admit--
I'm glad you find my pathetic life
so amusing, Dawson.
Joey, come on. You're my best friend.
I'd never laugh at you.
You just did, Dawson.
It's Hannah.
It's good to see you.
I'm gonna go sit down, okay?
Well, if it isn't Hannah Von Wenning
of the Bar Harbor Von Wennings.
Pacey Witter. Let me guess.
You're here washing dishes...
...for the remedial work-study program
for Capeside's underprivileged youths?
That's so compassionate of you,
Hannah.
-So how's the Swiss boarding school?
-It's in Connecticut, you moron.
Wait. You're the guy
entering this contest?
It figures.
Class clown of Capeside High.
You know, I never figured you
for a pre-op transsexual...
...but now that I think about it,
evening gowns, high heels--
I assure you that my sexuality
is intact, okay?
I'm not the one taking group showers
at an all-girls school.
But given the opportunity, l--
Welcome, ladies.
-And gentleman.
-Thank you.
I'd like to welcome you all
to the orientation...
...for the 35th annual
Miss Windjammer Pageant.
The rules for the pageant are listed
clearly in your handbooks...
...which will be completely revised
next year.
The Miss Windjammer Pageant....
So, Pacey, what are you gonna do
for the talent competition?
-Recite the alphabet? Jack a car?
-You know, ladies...
...I say we vote Hannah
Miss Congeniality. What do you say?
You are such a buffoon.
--all it has to offer. And most
importantly, ladies, have fun.
Joey, walking in heels
is probably the hardest part.
Don't worry.
You're doing great.
Why are you doing this?
Well, I mean, poise and grace
is really important to the judges.
-And considering your height--
-No, I mean, what's in it for you?
The fact that I've been a bitch
to you since you got here...
...is pretty much public knowledge.
In New York, I didn't exactly hang
out with a lot of other girls, okay?
I mean, I've never even had
close girlfriends...
...and as far as I can tell,
neither have you.
Don't you ever feel like
you're missing out on something?
Well, why don't you go hang out
with the Capeside Pep Squad?
I mean, associating with me won't
exactly send your popularity points...
-...soaring up the social scale.
-For the same reason you don't.
Because they're a bunch
of mentally arrested airheads.
Your perception of me
is almost as misguided...
...as your perception
of yourself.
If you wanna win, we have to work
on the self-esteem issue, but first...
...back to the basics.
Come on.
Pacey, can you...?
Do you do anything else?
We can revisit
the talent problem later...
...but what are we gonna do
about the eveningwear?
I could get my hands on this
tasty little red polyester number...
...that my sister wore
as a bridesmaid.
If you wanna win this thing,
you gotta take it seriously.
If you win, the Associated Press
could be all over this...
...not to mention CNN.
This could be international news.
By braving this experiment,
you've become a political activist...
...challenging social stereotypes.
I kind of just wanted
to make some extra cash.
So, what's going on
with you two?
Who?
Me and Dawson?
We're just figuring things out.
It was a little rough
for a while, but...
...we've got time. It's not like
he's going anywhere, so....
-I guess not.
-So....
So, what about you and Dawson?
What about us?
You know,
I was just wondering, because...
-...now that he's available, I was--
-Look, Jen...
...Dawson will always see me as the
gawky little girl down the creek...
...with the Band-Aids on her knees
and the one braid falling out.
I don't know. Maybe that's
just how it's meant to be.
Maybe it's just how
we see each other.
Well, you know what they say.
Plenty of fish in the sea, right?
Yeah.
Have you talked to Joey lately?
No, actually, not since our torrid
night of naked face-sucking.
What? I'm kidding.
Why?
I don't know. I mean....
She says we're cool,
but she's been avoiding me.
-And?
-And I don't know what to do.
I miss her
when she's not around.
At last.
The moment of truth.
Well, thank God, Dawson.
Maybe we can all go home now.
I know you're obsessed
with this theory of yours...
...but the truth is...
...I've never thought of Joey
in a romantic context.
I mean, I've always
thought of her as like a sister.
I don't think I could
ever get past that.
If Joey and I got together, it'd be....
It'd be a little incestuous.
You're saying
you don't want her...
...but you don't want anybody else
to have her either?
Tell us something
about yourself.
I'd like to study
early education.
Or help with children
with special needs.
That means, like, when they're
crippled or retarded or something.
Or maybe I'll become
an actress or a model...
...because a lot of people
keep telling me I'm pretty enough.
Okay.
After completing my year with....
Wait a minute,
Dawson's doing the interviews?
Don't worry.
it's just a pre-interview, okay?
He's putting everybody on tape
for the judges to see.
Don't worry, okay? The real stuff
is live on-stage during the pageant.
Please tell us your name
and something about yourself.
I'm Roberta Crump.
I'm a senior at Capeside.
Hey. You're here to see the Great
Paceydini pull a rabbit out of his hat?
A magic act.
How appropriately juvenile of you.
All this sexual tension really
cannot be good for your complexion.
-What say you and I go backstage--
-Please. I just ate.
I've recently been accepted
to the Juilliard School of Music...
...but I'll be delaying my entrance
until I've toured with the Peace Corps.
You already had your chance.
I already turned you down once
in the sixth grade.
-Actually, you stood me up.
-Whatever.
Pacey, let me ask you something.
Do you really think, in a million years,
you could ever win this thing?
-I mean, what is the point?
-Well....
Maybe I don't have
a chance at winning...
...but if I could take
just one vote away from you...
...and make you know
how it feels to be a loser...
...then this is all worthwhile.
If you could commit one act without
consequence, what would it be?
I'd rob a bank so I wouldn't
have to be here.
Be serious. Let's....
-Let's just get through this, okay?
-Fine.
What kind of example would you
like to set for your children?
I guess I want them to treat others
the way they want to be treated.
It sounds pretty simple, but...
...it pretty much applies
to everything.
Who is your inspiration,
role model or mentor, and why?
I guess I don't really have one.
I've always had to
depend on myself.
Where do you see yourself
in five years?
I don't know. In some
romantic adventure, or...
...on a dig in Tunisia,
or a safari in Africa.
A research boat
on its way to Antarctica.
I thought "getting out of Capeside"
meant Boston University.
-The polar icecaps are pretty far.
-Well, that's the point.
But there must be things
that you'll miss.
Family?
Friends?
Of course. But life goes on,
Dawson. Things change.
-They don't have to.
-Yes, they do.
Everything changes eventually.
That's just the way life is,
and you have no control over it.
Suddenly, people who you think
are always gonna be there...
...they disappear, you know?
People die, and...
...they move away, and...
...they grow up.
Everything changes
eventually, Dawson.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
will you please take your seats?
Welcome to the Miss Windjammer
Beauty Pageant....
-I look like a dweeb.
-No, you don't.
Everyone's gonna laugh at me.
I want you to put this Vaseline
on your teeth for me.
-Why?
-Just trust me, all right?
It keeps your lips from sticking
to your teeth when you smile.
Wait a second. I have to smile? You
never said anything about smiling.
Make one joke about
coming out of the closet...
-...I swear--
-I can't, man. It's too obvious.
-Let me get that.
-Thanks.
Tell me the truth, do you think
I'm a complete tool for doing this?
Since when did you start concerning
yourself with public opinion?
Pacey, I think you got
testicles of steel for doing this.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Here. My mom said
to put that on your teeth.
-Why?
-I have absolutely no idea.
And so now, ladies and gentlemen,
here are the contestants...
...in their eveningwear.
Thank you, Miss Johnson.
And now, Miss Josephine Potter.
Could it be Cinderella's fairy
godmother did the job too well?
Thank you, Miss Potter.
It looks like Prince Charming's
found the owner of that glass slipper.
If you have a point,
I wish you'd get to it.
Come on, Jen.
It's pretty obvious that you're missing
the undivided attention of Dawson.
Maybe feeling a little
dumper's remorse?
You're way off, all right?
Is it the possibility of losing him
to somebody else...
...that suddenly makes him
seem so attractive?
You really think
that I'm that shallow, huh?
No.
I think you're that human.
And now, Mr. Pacey Witter.
Well, wish me luck.
Thank you, Mr. Witter.
Do you think I am a cow
lowing after the calf?
Or a bitch with pups licking the hand
that struck her? Watch and see!
If I could talk to the governor
for one hour...
...I'd...
...tell him how he could lose
30 pounds in 30 days.
I'd like to tell my kids that you don't
have to be the handsomest guy.
You don't have to be
the most intelligent.
You don't have to be
the biggest football stud...
...to be a damn fine
Miss Windjammer.
I would tell the world's leaders that a
society that chooses war and death...
...over the preservation of life
cannot possibly succeed or thrive.
If that didn't work, I'd tell them
I had dirty photos of them.
-So how am I doing, Mrs. Leery?
-Pacey....
I gotta tell you, you are funny and
charming. The audience loves you.
Seriously?
You may not have a chance
of winning...
...but you're definitely keeping me
from falling asleep.
What, I'm not even in the running?
You know this club would rather see
the whole place go down in flames...
...before crowning a male
Miss Windjammer.
Yeah, but for me to be written off
is just completely unfair.
Honey...
...fair and beauty pageants
aren't exactly synonymous.
In approximately two minutes
and 35 seconds, this will all be over.
But I've never had to sing in front
of people before. What if I suck?
And don't forget to smile.
Singing "On my Own"
from Les Mis?rables...
...Miss Josephine Potter.
You did an incredible job
on Joey.
My God, it's amazing!
I think we've finally broken
into the ranks of being friends.
But I miss our friendship too,
Dawson.
Me too.
And not just our friendship, but....
I guess what I'm trying
to say is....
Thank you. That was Josephine
Potter, ladies and gentlemen.
-All right, Pacey, hurry up. You're on.
-Damn it!
Dude, relax.
You're doing great.
I need to know something,
Dawson.
When I asked you if doing this was
stupid and you said it had a point...
...did you ever actually believe that
I had a chance at winning this thing?
-Come on, Pacey.
-Great. That's what I thought.
It's another thing for the kids to laugh
about Monday morning at school.
And who am I to disappoint?
-Are you doing something stupid?
-Those people suck!
How could I leave here
without letting them know that fact?
-I'm going down. I got nothing to lose.
-Wait--
Excuse me, Dawson,
I got a show to do.
Pacey Witter has changed
his program.
Instead of a magic act, he will
perform a dramatic interpretation.
Well, I'm not William Wallace,
but I am Pacey Witter.
Pacey Witter's 7 feet tall.
So they say.
So they say.
And they say that this Pacey Witter
is a dangerous man...
...who slaughters Capeside residents
with jokes and buffoonery.
And if he were here...
...he would destroy those
who would judge him...
...with sparks from his eyes
and wit from his ass.
Well, I am Pacey Witter...
...but who of you are
in the position to judge me?
Is it you, sir?
And what sort of human being
tolerates being judged?
Well, judgment stops today...
...because that which scorns me
deems to own me.
I am willing to trade the trappings of
my dysfunctional life for one chance.
Just one chance to stand in front
of my fellow countrymen...
...and tell them
that you may take my life...
...but you will never
take my freedom!
Thank you and good night.
If she does win, it's only
for the sympathy vote...
-...because she is a total charity case.
-What do you mean?
You don't know her story?
Oh, my God, check this out.
She lives in a trailer with her sister...
...who just had an illegitimate baby
with her black boyfriend.
Where are her parents?
Her mother died, and her father's
in jail for selling drugs.
You can ask her yourself.
She'll tell anyone who'll listen
to her pathetic sob story.
I'm sure she's already
told the judges.
Dawson, don't try to get me
to go back out there.
Setting myself up like this,
I'm such an idiot!
Listen to me. You were
phenomenal out there tonight.
If you leave now,
you're never gonna forgive yourself.
Look, I don't belong here, Dawson.
I mean, look at me.
How could I have stooped
this low for money?
Might as well have sold myself
on a street corner.
Joey, do you realize
you could win this thing?
Why do you think they're
slamming you? They're terrified.
They know that you can beat them.
I don't want their money, Dawson.
I don't want anything
from them--
I don't think it's about
the money anymore.
Joey, I know we're not speaking
right now, okay? But if we were...
...I would tell my best friend...
...who was too afraid to get up
in front of class for show-and-tell...
...how incredibly proud I am of her.
And how I think she has got...
...more guts and talent
and strength of character...
...than all the Hannah Von Wennings
of the world put together.
For your final question,
Miss Potter...
...please tell us what words of advice
you would bestow upon today's youth.
I'd like to tell today's youth that...
...no matter where life takes you,
big cities, small towns...
...you'll inevitably
come across small minds.
People who think that they're
better than you are.
People who think that material things
or being pretty or popular...
...automatically makes you
a worthwhile human being.
I'd tell today's youth
that none of these things matter...
...unless you have a strength of
character, integrity, a sense of pride.
And if you're lucky enough
to have any of these things...
...don't ever sell them.
Don't ever sell out.
When you meet a person
for the first time...
...please don't judge them
by their station in life.
Because who knows?
That person just might end up
being your best friend.
Thank you.
And now, the exciting moment
we've all been waiting for:
Our second runner-up, and
winner of two tickets to the Rialto...
...for any Tuesday
or Thursday matinee is...
...Miss Hannah Von Wenning!
Congratulations.
Our first runner-up, and winner
of a free day of beauty...
...at Betty's Hair Barn is...
...Miss Josephine Potter!
Congratulations.
You guys can pack up.
And the winner of this year's
Miss Windjammer is:
Miss Roberta Crump!
Joey?
Honey, you were truly
spectacular tonight.
You know I voted for you.
You should be
very proud of yourself.
Thanks, Mrs. Leery.
You kids need a ride home?
No. We can walk.
-Okay. Good night.
-Good night, Mom.
Good night, honey.
For the first time in my life, I'm....
You've left me speechless.
What's happening, Joey?
You mean, you don't know?
-Here.
-Thanks.
I looked at you tonight, and l....
It was like you came
completely out of your shell.
There was this, like, total....
I don't know.
Newfound confidence...
...that just seemed
to burst from you.
I know what it must have taken
for you to get up there and do that.
It's like you....
It's like you transformed
into this beautiful...
...Joey.
Dawson....
God! I mean....
I'm sitting here with my
best friend in the world...
...and my palms are sweating.
I've known you forever, but....
I feel like I'm seeing you
for the first time tonight.
Joey?
-What's wrong?
-I don't know, Dawson.
There's something
that's just not right about this.
Joey, I thought
this is what you wanted.
It's my own stupid fault.
I mean, dressing up,
playing the princess.
You and I both know
that this isn't me.
-Joey, of course it is.
-I thought this was what I wanted.
For you to see me as beautiful.
For you to look at me
the way that you look at Jen.
But the truth is...
...I don't want that at all,
Dawson.
I want you to look at me and see
the person you've always known...
...and realize that what we have
is so much more incredible...
...than just some passing physical
attraction, because you know what?
It's just lipstick.
And it's just hairspray.
Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up
and I'm gonna be Joey.
Just Joey. You know?
The too-tall girl from the wrong
side of the creek.
This is all new to us,
and we should talk about it.
No matter what happens, we can't
go back to the way things were.
Dawson, you've had a lifetime
to process your feelings for me.
I can't spend the rest of mine...
...hoping that you might throw
a glance in my direction...
...in between your
tortured teen romances...
...with whatever Jen Lindley
rolls into your life next.
I can't do it.
Joey, don't walk away from this.
I have to, Dawson.
Good evening.
Come to gloat?
No. Actually, I just have a lot
of experience with being a loser.
I thought you might want some pointers,
seeing as this is your first time.
First time.
My brother, Matt, is on
the national tennis circuit.
Caroline's a pediatrician.
Jennifer's a foreign
correspondent on CNN.
Me, I can't even win a stupid
small-town beauty pageant.
It's not like you need the money.
Me, on the other hand...
...I'm stuck living at home,
probably for the rest of my life...
...with a bunch of people
who think I'm a blight on mankind.
Aren't we a couple of black sheep?
By the way, that was a really
ballsy thing you did in there tonight.
Thank you.
What I wouldn't do to go away to
school, be somebody else for a while.
I spent a total of 23 days
at home this year.
Last time I had a school break,
I came home to an empty house.
Seems my vacation
created a scheduling conflict...
...in my parents' social calendar.
You're kidding.
Roger will spend more years
of his life in that house than I will.
-Which one's Roger?
-The dog.
All right.
Hey.
Hi.
So how'd your debut
as a newsman turn out?
Turns out it's going to be a blip
on the 1 1 :00 news after all.
This may sound like
it's coming out of the blue.
The truth is, I haven't thought
about much else lately, Dawson.
Look, I know that we didn't give
our relationship much of a chance.
Okay. I didn't give it
much of a chance.
You're right. I really didn't give you
a good reason for the breakup, but...
...truth is, I don't even know
if I had a good reason.
Is it too late for me
to ask you for another chance?
You're kidding.
I couldn't be more serious.
God, Jen.
-I guess I am too late.
-It's just that....
You know, now's
really not the best time.
I don't know. I gotta....
I got some things
I gotta figure out first.
Okay.
Well, you know where I am.
How could I ever forget?
-Good night, Dawson.
-Good night, Jen.
Female mating preferences...
...vary widely among the
different insect species.
What are you watching?
A special I taped
on entomological sexual behavior.
It's a little visual aid
for my biology term paper.
For others, it is advantageous
only for the offspring...
...who ultimately benefit
from selective paternity.
How does she know which one she's
attracted to? They all look the same.
Instinct.
Unlike people.
-People don't find mates by instinct?
-Meaning people go by whatever...
...supermodel the media decides to be
this month's perfect human specimen.
I don't need Entertainment Tonight
to tell me Drew Barrymore is hot.
Twentieth-century men
worship women...
...who look like nutritionally
deprived heroin addicts.
In the Renaissance, they
liked women who were hefty.
Some cultures like women
with bones through their noses...
...and plates in their mouths.
It's just the way it goes.
You're reaching.
Maybe there is truth to what you're
saying, but you can't tell me...
...that pure animal instinct
doesn't have something to do...
...with what kind of guy
you're attracted to.
All right?
I haven't the slightest idea,
Dawson.
So your mom's judging
for the Windjammer Days?
Yeah, they'll let me
cover it for the station.
So, what are these
"Windjammer Days"?
It's this yearly event the
yacht club holds. A little pageant.
They try and reel in the last remaining
tourists before the town shuts down.
It's a blue-blooded tradition
which celebrates...
...the grand achievement
of being born rich.
The culmination of which
is this asinine formal dinner...
...where some young nubile
whose daddy owns the bank...
...is crowned Miss Windjammer.
It's the most archaic display
of ageism, racism...
...and sexism known to man.
-They have a swimsuit competition?
-I don't think so.
Maybe I could be a guy who warms
up the girls before they go on-stage.
It's not a porno, Pacey.
My mother used
to enter me in these...
...disgusting "Little Miss" pageants
before I was old enough to protest.
Let me guess.
You twirled the baton.
-Meaning?
-Nothing.
-You should enter.
-Yeah.
No, seriously.
You're beautiful.
Nobody can dispute that.
I can totally picture you
strolling past the judges...
...flashing that million-dollar
smile of yours.
Well, I'm afraid that
my baton-twirling days are over.
Well, first prize is $5000
and a trip to New York.
Why don't you enter?
I'm sure you have inspired ideas...
-...on how to achieve world peace.
-World peace is easy.
It's the tap-dancing pumps
that I get in trouble with.
It's a skill.
Backhanded insults
disguised as compliments.
It's really a novel approach to
winning back a woman's affections.
Well, I figured I'd give it a shot.
I've tried everything else.
Why don't you just get over it?
She has.
I think I have gotten over it.
I just....
I don't know.
Winning her back has evolved...
...into some sort of bizarre hobby.
-Slow, huh?
-As the tourists go, so do the tips.
-That bad?
-I'll put it to you this way:
Higher education for me
will be no further away...
...than Capeside Community
Vocational lnstitute.
You're smart.
You can get a scholarship.
Yeah, but I can't bank
on a full one.
Look, Joey...
...now that the proverbial wedge
we so fondly refer to...
...as Dawson Leery
is no longer between us...
...we could actually be friends.
I know,
it's a bizarre concept...
...but we might have
more in common...
...than just the boy next door.
Okay.
We're not.
We don't have to, like,
wash each other's hair...
...and do each other's nails,
do we?
Pacey.
I can't find my pen.
-Thanks.
-You okay?
Yeah. Just spent the entire morning
with my father telling me I'm...
...a scholastically inept, athletically
challenged, underachieving loser.
-I'm fine.
-He said that?
He starts on the
failing-biology thing...
...then into the skipping-school-
to-do-Providence thing.
He forgot the
stealing-his-car thing.
Borrowing, stealing--
It's not like I killed anybody.
If I hear, "Why can't you be like your
brother, Doug?" one more time...
...my head is going to explode.
You're more than welcome
to crash at my house for a few.
Thanks, but I was thinking of
something a little more permanent.
Forget about it. Your father's never
gonna let you move out of his house.
He told me as soon as I wanna
become an emancipated minor...
...I should just show him
where he needs to sign.
Check this out.
First and last, 250 a month.
That's Mill Street.
Capeside's official tenement.
Well, it beats the Witter family
house of horrors, doesn't it?
How are you gonna pay for this
roach-infested bachelor pad?
Well, that's the problem,
isn't it?
With my video store wage,
I can't even afford a two-man tent.
You don't need an assistant
for that beauty pageant, do you?
I'm not even getting paid.
The only person making any money
off this is Miss Windjammer herself.
Maybe I'll toss my tiara into the ring.
You know, a $5000 reward...
...that'd get me into one of those
executive bachelor pads downtown.
I'm afraid your ability to relieve
yourself standing up...
...has rendered you ineligible.
Once again, sexual discrimination
rears its ugly head.
Wouldn't that just piss my dad off?
You know, Joey, you're one of
the prettiest girls in the school.
Why is it that every time
I give you a compliment...
...you look at me like
I'm trying to hit on you?
I don't know, l....
I guess it's just because it makes me
feel a little uncomfortable.
-Why?
-I know I'm not pretty.
-Stop it.
-You know, it's funny, Joey, but...
...when I was dating Dawson,
I was petrified that any day...
...he'd take the blinders off
and realize how gorgeous you are.
Yeah, right.
When guys look at you, they think,
"Wow, what a babe."
And when they look at me, they
think, "Gee, she's really tall."
I think that you should enter
the Miss Windjammer Pageant.
-What drugs are you on?
-I'm serious. Look, I'll coach you.
You can easily take
that evening gown competition.
The academic part would be
a slam-dunk for you, Joey.
Let's not go overboard on this
let's-be-friends, female-bonding thing.
You might find
that we have fun together.
I wouldn't degrade myself.
One night of your life,
$5000, Joey.
I'd say that's a pretty respectable
college nest egg, don't you think?
Come on, Miss America.
I feel like I'm about to set the
women's movement back 20 years.
If I were you, I'd start filling out
those lvy League applications.
The competition does not
look like much.
-This is unconstitutional!
-I assure you, Mr. Witter...
...nothing in the U.S. Constitution
says that you have the right to enter.
And there's nothing in your
rule book that says I can't.
-There must be something, Jack.
-I'm telling you--
This is the
Miss Windjammer Pageant.
If you have a tendency
towards cross-dressing....
What are you doing here?
Pacey is trying to enter
the Miss Windjammer Pageant?
Why not?
Last year, Ashlee Elliott successfully
sued to join the boys' football team.
It's one of the more intrepid
things Pacey's done.
He's blown the gender gap
wide open.
Well, I guess we all know what's
in it for you, Dan Rather.
Tell me about it.
Before, this was a little mention
on the 1 1 :00 news.
Now I actually have a shot
at a feature story.
So I see you decided
to enter after all.
No. No, I'm just here
as a coach.
Who are you coaching?
I'll see you guys later.
I'm gonna watch Pacey...
...make an ass out of himself.
Very funny.
What, are you guys doing some
kind of expos? for the paper?
Get out. Joey Potter
entering a beauty pageant?
-This is classic.
-I see.
You think I'm such a barking
car-chaser that a D-student...
...with a Julius Caesar haircut
has a better shot than me?
-Thanks a lot.
-Joey, no. It's just--
I know how you feel about these
things. It's just so not you.
Why didn't you tell me?
I knew you'd make me feel like an
even bigger idiot than I already am.
Believe me, Dawson, nobody's
laughing harder about this than me.
But unfortunately,
the opportunity to win $5000...
...no matter how slim or humiliating
or ludicrous my chances are...
...the money has to take precedence
over everything, including my pride.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you
were serious about this. I mean...
...it kind of caught me by surprise.
You gotta admit--
I'm glad you find my pathetic life
so amusing, Dawson.
Joey, come on. You're my best friend.
I'd never laugh at you.
You just did, Dawson.
It's Hannah.
It's good to see you.
I'm gonna go sit down, okay?
Well, if it isn't Hannah Von Wenning
of the Bar Harbor Von Wennings.
Pacey Witter. Let me guess.
You're here washing dishes...
...for the remedial work-study program
for Capeside's underprivileged youths?
That's so compassionate of you,
Hannah.
-So how's the Swiss boarding school?
-It's in Connecticut, you moron.
Wait. You're the guy
entering this contest?
It figures.
Class clown of Capeside High.
You know, I never figured you
for a pre-op transsexual...
...but now that I think about it,
evening gowns, high heels--
I assure you that my sexuality
is intact, okay?
I'm not the one taking group showers
at an all-girls school.
But given the opportunity, l--
Welcome, ladies.
-And gentleman.
-Thank you.
I'd like to welcome you all
to the orientation...
...for the 35th annual
Miss Windjammer Pageant.
The rules for the pageant are listed
clearly in your handbooks...
...which will be completely revised
next year.
The Miss Windjammer Pageant....
So, Pacey, what are you gonna do
for the talent competition?
-Recite the alphabet? Jack a car?
-You know, ladies...
...I say we vote Hannah
Miss Congeniality. What do you say?
You are such a buffoon.
--all it has to offer. And most
importantly, ladies, have fun.
Joey, walking in heels
is probably the hardest part.
Don't worry.
You're doing great.
Why are you doing this?
Well, I mean, poise and grace
is really important to the judges.
-And considering your height--
-No, I mean, what's in it for you?
The fact that I've been a bitch
to you since you got here...
...is pretty much public knowledge.
In New York, I didn't exactly hang
out with a lot of other girls, okay?
I mean, I've never even had
close girlfriends...
...and as far as I can tell,
neither have you.
Don't you ever feel like
you're missing out on something?
Well, why don't you go hang out
with the Capeside Pep Squad?
I mean, associating with me won't
exactly send your popularity points...
-...soaring up the social scale.
-For the same reason you don't.
Because they're a bunch
of mentally arrested airheads.
Your perception of me
is almost as misguided...
...as your perception
of yourself.
If you wanna win, we have to work
on the self-esteem issue, but first...
...back to the basics.
Come on.
Pacey, can you...?
Do you do anything else?
We can revisit
the talent problem later...
...but what are we gonna do
about the eveningwear?
I could get my hands on this
tasty little red polyester number...
...that my sister wore
as a bridesmaid.
If you wanna win this thing,
you gotta take it seriously.
If you win, the Associated Press
could be all over this...
...not to mention CNN.
This could be international news.
By braving this experiment,
you've become a political activist...
...challenging social stereotypes.
I kind of just wanted
to make some extra cash.
So, what's going on
with you two?
Who?
Me and Dawson?
We're just figuring things out.
It was a little rough
for a while, but...
...we've got time. It's not like
he's going anywhere, so....
-I guess not.
-So....
So, what about you and Dawson?
What about us?
You know,
I was just wondering, because...
-...now that he's available, I was--
-Look, Jen...
...Dawson will always see me as the
gawky little girl down the creek...
...with the Band-Aids on her knees
and the one braid falling out.
I don't know. Maybe that's
just how it's meant to be.
Maybe it's just how
we see each other.
Well, you know what they say.
Plenty of fish in the sea, right?
Yeah.
Have you talked to Joey lately?
No, actually, not since our torrid
night of naked face-sucking.
What? I'm kidding.
Why?
I don't know. I mean....
She says we're cool,
but she's been avoiding me.
-And?
-And I don't know what to do.
I miss her
when she's not around.
At last.
The moment of truth.
Well, thank God, Dawson.
Maybe we can all go home now.
I know you're obsessed
with this theory of yours...
...but the truth is...
...I've never thought of Joey
in a romantic context.
I mean, I've always
thought of her as like a sister.
I don't think I could
ever get past that.
If Joey and I got together, it'd be....
It'd be a little incestuous.
You're saying
you don't want her...
...but you don't want anybody else
to have her either?
Tell us something
about yourself.
I'd like to study
early education.
Or help with children
with special needs.
That means, like, when they're
crippled or retarded or something.
Or maybe I'll become
an actress or a model...
...because a lot of people
keep telling me I'm pretty enough.
Okay.
After completing my year with....
Wait a minute,
Dawson's doing the interviews?
Don't worry.
it's just a pre-interview, okay?
He's putting everybody on tape
for the judges to see.
Don't worry, okay? The real stuff
is live on-stage during the pageant.
Please tell us your name
and something about yourself.
I'm Roberta Crump.
I'm a senior at Capeside.
Hey. You're here to see the Great
Paceydini pull a rabbit out of his hat?
A magic act.
How appropriately juvenile of you.
All this sexual tension really
cannot be good for your complexion.
-What say you and I go backstage--
-Please. I just ate.
I've recently been accepted
to the Juilliard School of Music...
...but I'll be delaying my entrance
until I've toured with the Peace Corps.
You already had your chance.
I already turned you down once
in the sixth grade.
-Actually, you stood me up.
-Whatever.
Pacey, let me ask you something.
Do you really think, in a million years,
you could ever win this thing?
-I mean, what is the point?
-Well....
Maybe I don't have
a chance at winning...
...but if I could take
just one vote away from you...
...and make you know
how it feels to be a loser...
...then this is all worthwhile.
If you could commit one act without
consequence, what would it be?
I'd rob a bank so I wouldn't
have to be here.
Be serious. Let's....
-Let's just get through this, okay?
-Fine.
What kind of example would you
like to set for your children?
I guess I want them to treat others
the way they want to be treated.
It sounds pretty simple, but...
...it pretty much applies
to everything.
Who is your inspiration,
role model or mentor, and why?
I guess I don't really have one.
I've always had to
depend on myself.
Where do you see yourself
in five years?
I don't know. In some
romantic adventure, or...
...on a dig in Tunisia,
or a safari in Africa.
A research boat
on its way to Antarctica.
I thought "getting out of Capeside"
meant Boston University.
-The polar icecaps are pretty far.
-Well, that's the point.
But there must be things
that you'll miss.
Family?
Friends?
Of course. But life goes on,
Dawson. Things change.
-They don't have to.
-Yes, they do.
Everything changes eventually.
That's just the way life is,
and you have no control over it.
Suddenly, people who you think
are always gonna be there...
...they disappear, you know?
People die, and...
...they move away, and...
...they grow up.
Everything changes
eventually, Dawson.
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,
will you please take your seats?
Welcome to the Miss Windjammer
Beauty Pageant....
-I look like a dweeb.
-No, you don't.
Everyone's gonna laugh at me.
I want you to put this Vaseline
on your teeth for me.
-Why?
-Just trust me, all right?
It keeps your lips from sticking
to your teeth when you smile.
Wait a second. I have to smile? You
never said anything about smiling.
Make one joke about
coming out of the closet...
-...I swear--
-I can't, man. It's too obvious.
-Let me get that.
-Thanks.
Tell me the truth, do you think
I'm a complete tool for doing this?
Since when did you start concerning
yourself with public opinion?
Pacey, I think you got
testicles of steel for doing this.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Here. My mom said
to put that on your teeth.
-Why?
-I have absolutely no idea.
And so now, ladies and gentlemen,
here are the contestants...
...in their eveningwear.
Thank you, Miss Johnson.
And now, Miss Josephine Potter.
Could it be Cinderella's fairy
godmother did the job too well?
Thank you, Miss Potter.
It looks like Prince Charming's
found the owner of that glass slipper.
If you have a point,
I wish you'd get to it.
Come on, Jen.
It's pretty obvious that you're missing
the undivided attention of Dawson.
Maybe feeling a little
dumper's remorse?
You're way off, all right?
Is it the possibility of losing him
to somebody else...
...that suddenly makes him
seem so attractive?
You really think
that I'm that shallow, huh?
No.
I think you're that human.
And now, Mr. Pacey Witter.
Well, wish me luck.
Thank you, Mr. Witter.
Do you think I am a cow
lowing after the calf?
Or a bitch with pups licking the hand
that struck her? Watch and see!
If I could talk to the governor
for one hour...
...I'd...
...tell him how he could lose
30 pounds in 30 days.
I'd like to tell my kids that you don't
have to be the handsomest guy.
You don't have to be
the most intelligent.
You don't have to be
the biggest football stud...
...to be a damn fine
Miss Windjammer.
I would tell the world's leaders that a
society that chooses war and death...
...over the preservation of life
cannot possibly succeed or thrive.
If that didn't work, I'd tell them
I had dirty photos of them.
-So how am I doing, Mrs. Leery?
-Pacey....
I gotta tell you, you are funny and
charming. The audience loves you.
Seriously?
You may not have a chance
of winning...
...but you're definitely keeping me
from falling asleep.
What, I'm not even in the running?
You know this club would rather see
the whole place go down in flames...
...before crowning a male
Miss Windjammer.
Yeah, but for me to be written off
is just completely unfair.
Honey...
...fair and beauty pageants
aren't exactly synonymous.
In approximately two minutes
and 35 seconds, this will all be over.
But I've never had to sing in front
of people before. What if I suck?
And don't forget to smile.
Singing "On my Own"
from Les Mis?rables...
...Miss Josephine Potter.
You did an incredible job
on Joey.
My God, it's amazing!
I think we've finally broken
into the ranks of being friends.
But I miss our friendship too,
Dawson.
Me too.
And not just our friendship, but....
I guess what I'm trying
to say is....
Thank you. That was Josephine
Potter, ladies and gentlemen.
-All right, Pacey, hurry up. You're on.
-Damn it!
Dude, relax.
You're doing great.
I need to know something,
Dawson.
When I asked you if doing this was
stupid and you said it had a point...
...did you ever actually believe that
I had a chance at winning this thing?
-Come on, Pacey.
-Great. That's what I thought.
It's another thing for the kids to laugh
about Monday morning at school.
And who am I to disappoint?
-Are you doing something stupid?
-Those people suck!
How could I leave here
without letting them know that fact?
-I'm going down. I got nothing to lose.
-Wait--
Excuse me, Dawson,
I got a show to do.
Pacey Witter has changed
his program.
Instead of a magic act, he will
perform a dramatic interpretation.
Well, I'm not William Wallace,
but I am Pacey Witter.
Pacey Witter's 7 feet tall.
So they say.
So they say.
And they say that this Pacey Witter
is a dangerous man...
...who slaughters Capeside residents
with jokes and buffoonery.
And if he were here...
...he would destroy those
who would judge him...
...with sparks from his eyes
and wit from his ass.
Well, I am Pacey Witter...
...but who of you are
in the position to judge me?
Is it you, sir?
And what sort of human being
tolerates being judged?
Well, judgment stops today...
...because that which scorns me
deems to own me.
I am willing to trade the trappings of
my dysfunctional life for one chance.
Just one chance to stand in front
of my fellow countrymen...
...and tell them
that you may take my life...
...but you will never
take my freedom!
Thank you and good night.
If she does win, it's only
for the sympathy vote...
-...because she is a total charity case.
-What do you mean?
You don't know her story?
Oh, my God, check this out.
She lives in a trailer with her sister...
...who just had an illegitimate baby
with her black boyfriend.
Where are her parents?
Her mother died, and her father's
in jail for selling drugs.
You can ask her yourself.
She'll tell anyone who'll listen
to her pathetic sob story.
I'm sure she's already
told the judges.
Dawson, don't try to get me
to go back out there.
Setting myself up like this,
I'm such an idiot!
Listen to me. You were
phenomenal out there tonight.
If you leave now,
you're never gonna forgive yourself.
Look, I don't belong here, Dawson.
I mean, look at me.
How could I have stooped
this low for money?
Might as well have sold myself
on a street corner.
Joey, do you realize
you could win this thing?
Why do you think they're
slamming you? They're terrified.
They know that you can beat them.
I don't want their money, Dawson.
I don't want anything
from them--
I don't think it's about
the money anymore.
Joey, I know we're not speaking
right now, okay? But if we were...
...I would tell my best friend...
...who was too afraid to get up
in front of class for show-and-tell...
...how incredibly proud I am of her.
And how I think she has got...
...more guts and talent
and strength of character...
...than all the Hannah Von Wennings
of the world put together.
For your final question,
Miss Potter...
...please tell us what words of advice
you would bestow upon today's youth.
I'd like to tell today's youth that...
...no matter where life takes you,
big cities, small towns...
...you'll inevitably
come across small minds.
People who think that they're
better than you are.
People who think that material things
or being pretty or popular...
...automatically makes you
a worthwhile human being.
I'd tell today's youth
that none of these things matter...
...unless you have a strength of
character, integrity, a sense of pride.
And if you're lucky enough
to have any of these things...
...don't ever sell them.
Don't ever sell out.
When you meet a person
for the first time...
...please don't judge them
by their station in life.
Because who knows?
That person just might end up
being your best friend.
Thank you.
And now, the exciting moment
we've all been waiting for:
Our second runner-up, and
winner of two tickets to the Rialto...
...for any Tuesday
or Thursday matinee is...
...Miss Hannah Von Wenning!
Congratulations.
Our first runner-up, and winner
of a free day of beauty...
...at Betty's Hair Barn is...
...Miss Josephine Potter!
Congratulations.
You guys can pack up.
And the winner of this year's
Miss Windjammer is:
Miss Roberta Crump!
Joey?
Honey, you were truly
spectacular tonight.
You know I voted for you.
You should be
very proud of yourself.
Thanks, Mrs. Leery.
You kids need a ride home?
No. We can walk.
-Okay. Good night.
-Good night, Mom.
Good night, honey.
For the first time in my life, I'm....
You've left me speechless.
What's happening, Joey?
You mean, you don't know?
-Here.
-Thanks.
I looked at you tonight, and l....
It was like you came
completely out of your shell.
There was this, like, total....
I don't know.
Newfound confidence...
...that just seemed
to burst from you.
I know what it must have taken
for you to get up there and do that.
It's like you....
It's like you transformed
into this beautiful...
...Joey.
Dawson....
God! I mean....
I'm sitting here with my
best friend in the world...
...and my palms are sweating.
I've known you forever, but....
I feel like I'm seeing you
for the first time tonight.
Joey?
-What's wrong?
-I don't know, Dawson.
There's something
that's just not right about this.
Joey, I thought
this is what you wanted.
It's my own stupid fault.
I mean, dressing up,
playing the princess.
You and I both know
that this isn't me.
-Joey, of course it is.
-I thought this was what I wanted.
For you to see me as beautiful.
For you to look at me
the way that you look at Jen.
But the truth is...
...I don't want that at all,
Dawson.
I want you to look at me and see
the person you've always known...
...and realize that what we have
is so much more incredible...
...than just some passing physical
attraction, because you know what?
It's just lipstick.
And it's just hairspray.
Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up
and I'm gonna be Joey.
Just Joey. You know?
The too-tall girl from the wrong
side of the creek.
This is all new to us,
and we should talk about it.
No matter what happens, we can't
go back to the way things were.
Dawson, you've had a lifetime
to process your feelings for me.
I can't spend the rest of mine...
...hoping that you might throw
a glance in my direction...
...in between your
tortured teen romances...
...with whatever Jen Lindley
rolls into your life next.
I can't do it.
Joey, don't walk away from this.
I have to, Dawson.
Good evening.
Come to gloat?
No. Actually, I just have a lot
of experience with being a loser.
I thought you might want some pointers,
seeing as this is your first time.
First time.
My brother, Matt, is on
the national tennis circuit.
Caroline's a pediatrician.
Jennifer's a foreign
correspondent on CNN.
Me, I can't even win a stupid
small-town beauty pageant.
It's not like you need the money.
Me, on the other hand...
...I'm stuck living at home,
probably for the rest of my life...
...with a bunch of people
who think I'm a blight on mankind.
Aren't we a couple of black sheep?
By the way, that was a really
ballsy thing you did in there tonight.
Thank you.
What I wouldn't do to go away to
school, be somebody else for a while.
I spent a total of 23 days
at home this year.
Last time I had a school break,
I came home to an empty house.
Seems my vacation
created a scheduling conflict...
...in my parents' social calendar.
You're kidding.
Roger will spend more years
of his life in that house than I will.
-Which one's Roger?
-The dog.
All right.
Hey.
Hi.
So how'd your debut
as a newsman turn out?
Turns out it's going to be a blip
on the 1 1 :00 news after all.
This may sound like
it's coming out of the blue.
The truth is, I haven't thought
about much else lately, Dawson.
Look, I know that we didn't give
our relationship much of a chance.
Okay. I didn't give it
much of a chance.
You're right. I really didn't give you
a good reason for the breakup, but...
...truth is, I don't even know
if I had a good reason.
Is it too late for me
to ask you for another chance?
You're kidding.
I couldn't be more serious.
God, Jen.
-I guess I am too late.
-It's just that....
You know, now's
really not the best time.
I don't know. I gotta....
I got some things
I gotta figure out first.
Okay.
Well, you know where I am.
How could I ever forget?
-Good night, Dawson.
-Good night, Jen.