Dates (2013): Season 1, Episode 3 - Mia & Stephen - full transcript
Mia meets another date, superficially self-assured surgeon Stephen, though she shocks him by telling him that when she was an escort girl he paid her for sex. He wants to leave but she reminds him that they are on a date so they have sex in an alley before moving on to a pub. He gets a call from the hospital to say that he is needed and takes Mia with him, her unexpected kindness to a dying patient leaving him feeling confused.
Hello.
Hi.
Sorry, couldn't find it.
So, Celeste, we meet at last.
Thanks.
It is you.
Yep, it is me.
It is a bit hard to find,
but it's worth it.
The food is stupidly good here.
And look at the view.
I mean, if this gets awkward,
we can just look at that.
Always good to have
a back-up plan, right?
Mm.
Oh, and drinks.
Since you were late,
a little bit naughty, that,
but hard to find,
so I'll get over it,
I went ahead and ordered
a couple of whisky sours,
that way I thought if you stood me
up, I could drink both
and drown my sorrows,
but this is much better.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm usually very, very charming,
so let's start again properly.
Stephen.
Mia.
Mia?
That's lovely.
What?
You don't remember.
Remember what?
The pig cheeks
with the burnt apple jus.
Oh, wonderful.
I'm just going to let you know,
I've decided to put you
taking the piss out of me on hold
while I enjoy some
seriously naughty offal.
Mm.
Never put something in your mouth
that's so good...
it actually makes you angry.
"Why can't everything
taste like this?"
Mm.
So, here's the deal.
It's all small plates, so we need
to order about five things.
Fuck it.
Six things.
Are you cool with sharing?
Yeah. I'm cool with sharing.
Great. So shall I just go ahead?
Go on, then.
Hi. Hello.
Good timing. Erm...
We'll have the Burrata.
It's this beautiful Italian cheese
with sort of cream inside.
I'm sure you know it.
Erm... And the twice-cooked
baby chicken.
The sea bream,
roasted aubergines, and...
Do you like fennel?
Great, so steak with the fennel.
That's six, right?
Yup. And to drink?
Alsace Riesling.
Perfect.
You don't mind white, do you?
No.
So, what don't I remember?
You once paid me 300 quid to fuck.
Mm.
Fair play, that's not bad.
I think you're confused.
Come on, let's not play this game.
You must be thinking of someone else.
No. I remember every man
that paid me for sex.
Every single one.
Right.
I just didn't really
sign up for this.
But I'm just going to pay for what
we've ordered and... you can sit
and have a nice meal.
You didn't want to say much
until you came, but I like a chat.
You're from Cheltenham?
You had a beautiful antique watch.
And one of those cocks
that just...
Right.
Now that's out of the way, we can
get to know each other.
So, you're a doctor. Must be nice.
Do your parents still
live in Cheltenham?
Visit much?
Where do you live?
East Dulwich.
Ugh! South.
It's meant to be nice there,
but I can't get my head around it.
Like, no Tubes.
How do you get home?
Oh, for fuck's say,
don't go silent on me now.
I thought one of your interests was
drunken rambling chats in pubs.
This is a restaurant.
And he's back.
Didn't mention pedantic
in your profile.
No. I don't seem to remember you
saying anything about being a hooker.
I'm sorry, that was awful. I'm sorry.
An escort, actually.
And I'm retired.
You, however, are still apparently
a member of the dickheads.
You should put that on your profile.
Burrata.
Wine's on its way.
Mm.
Please.
After you.
Mm!
That is beautiful.
Mm.
You just get worked so bloody hard.
A lot of hours.
A lot of time under
fluorescent lights.
You just... I don't know.
You need a break, distraction.
Something to help you
forget about things.
Maybe...
maybe I'm a bit of a prick.
I'm sorry.
What for?
What do you mean?
Well, you might be a prick,
I haven't decided that yet,
but why are you sorry? You paid.
You didn't do anything horrible.
Now, the Riesling. Care to taste?
Yes, please.
Thank you. Just leave the bottle.
No problem.
I really am... sorry.
What for?
I'm sorry...
if what we did...
made you feel...
bad.
Or cheap.
I wouldn't call
300 quid an hour cheap.
You know what I mean.
- I don't know what your circumstances...
- No.
No, you don't.
It's all bollocks anyway.
What is?
You're not sorry cos
you made me feel bad.
You're sorry cos
I just reminded you of it.
Well... no.
I mean, yeah, partly.
You haven't thought of me since.
Not a lot, no.
You came to my apartment,
you came, you went.
Actually, you came twice.
You know, actually,
I think I am going to go.
No.
Why?
Because, Stephen, we're on a date.
I don't know what this is
but it's not a date.
Yes, it is.
How?
Because...
even though you may feel all messed
up or whatever about debasing me...
you still kind of wanna fuck me.
All I have to do is...
just sit up straight
and go all wide-eyed,
let you tell me about the menu
and giggle at your jokes
because they're funny.
Then touch my hair
so you think it's a sign.
And when I've really made you
feel like a man...
just take a nervous gob of wine.
And then look at you like this.
I mean, normally
I would just do that.
You are my type.
I've had a funny week and I'm
starting to think about things.
As I said,
normally I would just do you.
And then go home
and watch Frozen Planet on DVD.
But that's not going to happen,
right?
Right.
Why are you even on the site?
Because I want to fall in love.
Yeah, I'm greedy. I know, I know.
What can I say?
What, no wasabi peas?
They didn't have any, annoyingly.
What they did have,
however, is Laphroaig 25.
Taste it.
It's got this unbelievably peaty,
leathery nose...
And feel free to stop me
cos I'm talking total shite.
Yeah, shut up.
I don't even like whisky.
At least it hasn't been boring.
No. No, it hasn't.
So, do I get to ask you
anything about you?
This is a date, after all.
You get one question. Make it good.
OK.
What do you do now that you...?
Now that I'm not a whore?
I mean...
You don't give a fuck.
I do.
Oh, come on. You don't care.
You would have asked me
that two hours ago.
We've already established I'm a dick.
Yeah, a medium-sized wonky one.
I'll take medium.
So, what kind of doctor are you?
General surgeon.
There's a specialism
in the abdominal...
Yeah, I know.
OK.
Do you like it?
It's all right.
I'm thinking of giving it up.
Fucking hell! Why?
Why not? I feel like it.
Apart from anything else, it would
annoy the hell out of people.
Who?
It's a family business.
Mum, dad, sister.
Everyone.
My little brother's the fuck up.
He's a dentist.
So you never wanted to do it?
"Want" didn't come into it.
Being a doctor was all there was.
I don't know.
Just all feels a bit... You know.
A bit bleugh.
Exactly, yeah.
It all feels a bit mad.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
You're a bit of a spoiled little
shit, aren't you, Stephen?
That's possibly a tiny bit harsh.
Why?
You get paid to bring people back
to life with your bare hands,
so you're not 100%
excited the whole time.
Boo-fucking-hoo.
Yeah. OK, all right.
Shit. I'm really sorry.
I have to go. It's work.
Has something happened?
They want me to come
and see a patient.
Really sorry. Can I get you a cab?
No. This had better
not be an excuse.
No, I really do have to go.
Prove it.
What?
Take me with you.
I want to see what your private
little hell looks like.
OK.
This is a... This is a bad idea.
It's a terrible idea, in fact.
My favourite sort.
Mr Kelly?
Hi, Dawn.
I thought you weren't on...
Oh, this is... Um, this is...
Oh Celeste Watson. Hiya.
Hi. She's the on-call SHO for gynae.
Erm, I said I'd show her
the ropes...
This is Dawn, she's on A&E.
Oh, how's it going?
Guy got his eye stabbed out.
Pool cue.
The usual.
Right. Blimey. Well, come on,
Dr Watson, we'd better get on.
Um, see you, Dawn.
Yeah, see you.
So how many times have you banged
that poor little thing?
What, Dawn? Never.
Bullshit.
Well, I might have had a snog with
her at the Christmas party.
But I really can't remember.
Do you, erm,
do you want to see something?
Put those on.
What? Now?
Yeah, why not?
Fucking hell.
Well, give us a tour then.
Right... Lights.
Temperature control, electricity,
diathermy, suction...
boring ventilator...
Don't touch the ventilator.
Why not?
About a hundred
thousand reasons why.
So this is it...
This is what isn't doing
it for you.
Well, it's just stuff. At the end
of the day it's a job...
Tosser.
Tosser.
Mr Kelly.
Sister! This is Dr Watson.
She's the on-call SHO for gynae.
Right, well, I wondered if you could
come and take a look at Mrs Black
now.
Hello, Mrs Black, how are you?
Everybody's been making a fuss.
Well, let's see if we can do
something about that, shall we?
Thank you... Doctor.
Let's see.
I-I think this is a post op
infection.
But a cephalosporin IV ought to
keep things under control. Agreed?
Uh-huh.
Right, I'll write it up. And...
Oh no, don't worry, Sister.
I'm sure you're very busy,
I'll do that.
Oh, we are! Thanks.
Hello, Margaret. How are you?
You're very pretty to be a nurse.
She's a doctor, Mrs Black.
You'd make a handsome couple.
Do you think?
If you ladies have finished
gossiping, I'll just give you these
antibiotics and we can let you rest.
Why don't you let me do this?
No, it's fine. All under control.
Always want to tell you what to
do, don't they?
Dr Watson, perhaps you
should let me do that.
Perhaps we should administer
the antibiotics through this?
No, through the hand
is where we would...
This would go straight to
the infection.
- Look, why not let me do that?
- We usually put it in the patient's hand
because it makes the bag
last longer.
Saves money.
That's the NHS nowadays!
But this way's much more effective
so...
Can I have it in there then?
No, Mrs Black, I'm afraid you
can't...
Please? I'd be ever so grateful.
Mia, please...
Well, perhaps
we should play it safe.
You know best.
I do.
Well done. That's fine.
I'm just, erm,
I'm just going to make a phone call.
Would that be all right?
- Yeah.
- Don't touch anything.
I'll be good as gold. I promise.
Now,
I've had a lovely time...
'Hi, Phillip. It's Stephen Kelly.
Yes, I had a look at her...
'I've changed her antibiotics...'
Which one do you think then?
This one or the other one?
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
'OK, right...'
Um? Hello?
Stephen?
Stephen!
Shit!
Margaret, can you hear me?
Mrs Black!
Can you hear me?
Stephen?
Come on. Christ. Come on, Margaret!
What have we got? 72 post op.
Get the defib ready, please.
Started chest compressions.
Alex, get behind her. Yeah.
Defib ready. Hold on.
No, it's... All right.
Polly, ready with adrenaline
please. 40mg.
Give it a minute please, folks...
Stand clear.
Stand clear.
'Press shock.'
Shocking.
'Perform CPR.'
I didn't... I didn't do that?
No. No. No. It was nothing...
Sometimes people's bodies just
give up on them.
I don't think you should chuck
it in, you know.
No?
It's the only time you're
not a wanker.
I think you're right.
I've never met anyone like you.
No, no, you haven't.
Thank you for tonight.
Thank you, yourself.
Mia?
I don't know what to do now.
Think about it.
How long have you been watching me?
I'm just trying to
work out why you're here.
Hi.
Sorry, couldn't find it.
So, Celeste, we meet at last.
Thanks.
It is you.
Yep, it is me.
It is a bit hard to find,
but it's worth it.
The food is stupidly good here.
And look at the view.
I mean, if this gets awkward,
we can just look at that.
Always good to have
a back-up plan, right?
Mm.
Oh, and drinks.
Since you were late,
a little bit naughty, that,
but hard to find,
so I'll get over it,
I went ahead and ordered
a couple of whisky sours,
that way I thought if you stood me
up, I could drink both
and drown my sorrows,
but this is much better.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm usually very, very charming,
so let's start again properly.
Stephen.
Mia.
Mia?
That's lovely.
What?
You don't remember.
Remember what?
The pig cheeks
with the burnt apple jus.
Oh, wonderful.
I'm just going to let you know,
I've decided to put you
taking the piss out of me on hold
while I enjoy some
seriously naughty offal.
Mm.
Never put something in your mouth
that's so good...
it actually makes you angry.
"Why can't everything
taste like this?"
Mm.
So, here's the deal.
It's all small plates, so we need
to order about five things.
Fuck it.
Six things.
Are you cool with sharing?
Yeah. I'm cool with sharing.
Great. So shall I just go ahead?
Go on, then.
Hi. Hello.
Good timing. Erm...
We'll have the Burrata.
It's this beautiful Italian cheese
with sort of cream inside.
I'm sure you know it.
Erm... And the twice-cooked
baby chicken.
The sea bream,
roasted aubergines, and...
Do you like fennel?
Great, so steak with the fennel.
That's six, right?
Yup. And to drink?
Alsace Riesling.
Perfect.
You don't mind white, do you?
No.
So, what don't I remember?
You once paid me 300 quid to fuck.
Mm.
Fair play, that's not bad.
I think you're confused.
Come on, let's not play this game.
You must be thinking of someone else.
No. I remember every man
that paid me for sex.
Every single one.
Right.
I just didn't really
sign up for this.
But I'm just going to pay for what
we've ordered and... you can sit
and have a nice meal.
You didn't want to say much
until you came, but I like a chat.
You're from Cheltenham?
You had a beautiful antique watch.
And one of those cocks
that just...
Right.
Now that's out of the way, we can
get to know each other.
So, you're a doctor. Must be nice.
Do your parents still
live in Cheltenham?
Visit much?
Where do you live?
East Dulwich.
Ugh! South.
It's meant to be nice there,
but I can't get my head around it.
Like, no Tubes.
How do you get home?
Oh, for fuck's say,
don't go silent on me now.
I thought one of your interests was
drunken rambling chats in pubs.
This is a restaurant.
And he's back.
Didn't mention pedantic
in your profile.
No. I don't seem to remember you
saying anything about being a hooker.
I'm sorry, that was awful. I'm sorry.
An escort, actually.
And I'm retired.
You, however, are still apparently
a member of the dickheads.
You should put that on your profile.
Burrata.
Wine's on its way.
Mm.
Please.
After you.
Mm!
That is beautiful.
Mm.
You just get worked so bloody hard.
A lot of hours.
A lot of time under
fluorescent lights.
You just... I don't know.
You need a break, distraction.
Something to help you
forget about things.
Maybe...
maybe I'm a bit of a prick.
I'm sorry.
What for?
What do you mean?
Well, you might be a prick,
I haven't decided that yet,
but why are you sorry? You paid.
You didn't do anything horrible.
Now, the Riesling. Care to taste?
Yes, please.
Thank you. Just leave the bottle.
No problem.
I really am... sorry.
What for?
I'm sorry...
if what we did...
made you feel...
bad.
Or cheap.
I wouldn't call
300 quid an hour cheap.
You know what I mean.
- I don't know what your circumstances...
- No.
No, you don't.
It's all bollocks anyway.
What is?
You're not sorry cos
you made me feel bad.
You're sorry cos
I just reminded you of it.
Well... no.
I mean, yeah, partly.
You haven't thought of me since.
Not a lot, no.
You came to my apartment,
you came, you went.
Actually, you came twice.
You know, actually,
I think I am going to go.
No.
Why?
Because, Stephen, we're on a date.
I don't know what this is
but it's not a date.
Yes, it is.
How?
Because...
even though you may feel all messed
up or whatever about debasing me...
you still kind of wanna fuck me.
All I have to do is...
just sit up straight
and go all wide-eyed,
let you tell me about the menu
and giggle at your jokes
because they're funny.
Then touch my hair
so you think it's a sign.
And when I've really made you
feel like a man...
just take a nervous gob of wine.
And then look at you like this.
I mean, normally
I would just do that.
You are my type.
I've had a funny week and I'm
starting to think about things.
As I said,
normally I would just do you.
And then go home
and watch Frozen Planet on DVD.
But that's not going to happen,
right?
Right.
Why are you even on the site?
Because I want to fall in love.
Yeah, I'm greedy. I know, I know.
What can I say?
What, no wasabi peas?
They didn't have any, annoyingly.
What they did have,
however, is Laphroaig 25.
Taste it.
It's got this unbelievably peaty,
leathery nose...
And feel free to stop me
cos I'm talking total shite.
Yeah, shut up.
I don't even like whisky.
At least it hasn't been boring.
No. No, it hasn't.
So, do I get to ask you
anything about you?
This is a date, after all.
You get one question. Make it good.
OK.
What do you do now that you...?
Now that I'm not a whore?
I mean...
You don't give a fuck.
I do.
Oh, come on. You don't care.
You would have asked me
that two hours ago.
We've already established I'm a dick.
Yeah, a medium-sized wonky one.
I'll take medium.
So, what kind of doctor are you?
General surgeon.
There's a specialism
in the abdominal...
Yeah, I know.
OK.
Do you like it?
It's all right.
I'm thinking of giving it up.
Fucking hell! Why?
Why not? I feel like it.
Apart from anything else, it would
annoy the hell out of people.
Who?
It's a family business.
Mum, dad, sister.
Everyone.
My little brother's the fuck up.
He's a dentist.
So you never wanted to do it?
"Want" didn't come into it.
Being a doctor was all there was.
I don't know.
Just all feels a bit... You know.
A bit bleugh.
Exactly, yeah.
It all feels a bit mad.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
You're a bit of a spoiled little
shit, aren't you, Stephen?
That's possibly a tiny bit harsh.
Why?
You get paid to bring people back
to life with your bare hands,
so you're not 100%
excited the whole time.
Boo-fucking-hoo.
Yeah. OK, all right.
Shit. I'm really sorry.
I have to go. It's work.
Has something happened?
They want me to come
and see a patient.
Really sorry. Can I get you a cab?
No. This had better
not be an excuse.
No, I really do have to go.
Prove it.
What?
Take me with you.
I want to see what your private
little hell looks like.
OK.
This is a... This is a bad idea.
It's a terrible idea, in fact.
My favourite sort.
Mr Kelly?
Hi, Dawn.
I thought you weren't on...
Oh, this is... Um, this is...
Oh Celeste Watson. Hiya.
Hi. She's the on-call SHO for gynae.
Erm, I said I'd show her
the ropes...
This is Dawn, she's on A&E.
Oh, how's it going?
Guy got his eye stabbed out.
Pool cue.
The usual.
Right. Blimey. Well, come on,
Dr Watson, we'd better get on.
Um, see you, Dawn.
Yeah, see you.
So how many times have you banged
that poor little thing?
What, Dawn? Never.
Bullshit.
Well, I might have had a snog with
her at the Christmas party.
But I really can't remember.
Do you, erm,
do you want to see something?
Put those on.
What? Now?
Yeah, why not?
Fucking hell.
Well, give us a tour then.
Right... Lights.
Temperature control, electricity,
diathermy, suction...
boring ventilator...
Don't touch the ventilator.
Why not?
About a hundred
thousand reasons why.
So this is it...
This is what isn't doing
it for you.
Well, it's just stuff. At the end
of the day it's a job...
Tosser.
Tosser.
Mr Kelly.
Sister! This is Dr Watson.
She's the on-call SHO for gynae.
Right, well, I wondered if you could
come and take a look at Mrs Black
now.
Hello, Mrs Black, how are you?
Everybody's been making a fuss.
Well, let's see if we can do
something about that, shall we?
Thank you... Doctor.
Let's see.
I-I think this is a post op
infection.
But a cephalosporin IV ought to
keep things under control. Agreed?
Uh-huh.
Right, I'll write it up. And...
Oh no, don't worry, Sister.
I'm sure you're very busy,
I'll do that.
Oh, we are! Thanks.
Hello, Margaret. How are you?
You're very pretty to be a nurse.
She's a doctor, Mrs Black.
You'd make a handsome couple.
Do you think?
If you ladies have finished
gossiping, I'll just give you these
antibiotics and we can let you rest.
Why don't you let me do this?
No, it's fine. All under control.
Always want to tell you what to
do, don't they?
Dr Watson, perhaps you
should let me do that.
Perhaps we should administer
the antibiotics through this?
No, through the hand
is where we would...
This would go straight to
the infection.
- Look, why not let me do that?
- We usually put it in the patient's hand
because it makes the bag
last longer.
Saves money.
That's the NHS nowadays!
But this way's much more effective
so...
Can I have it in there then?
No, Mrs Black, I'm afraid you
can't...
Please? I'd be ever so grateful.
Mia, please...
Well, perhaps
we should play it safe.
You know best.
I do.
Well done. That's fine.
I'm just, erm,
I'm just going to make a phone call.
Would that be all right?
- Yeah.
- Don't touch anything.
I'll be good as gold. I promise.
Now,
I've had a lovely time...
'Hi, Phillip. It's Stephen Kelly.
Yes, I had a look at her...
'I've changed her antibiotics...'
Which one do you think then?
This one or the other one?
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
'OK, right...'
Um? Hello?
Stephen?
Stephen!
Shit!
Margaret, can you hear me?
Mrs Black!
Can you hear me?
Stephen?
Come on. Christ. Come on, Margaret!
What have we got? 72 post op.
Get the defib ready, please.
Started chest compressions.
Alex, get behind her. Yeah.
Defib ready. Hold on.
No, it's... All right.
Polly, ready with adrenaline
please. 40mg.
Give it a minute please, folks...
Stand clear.
Stand clear.
'Press shock.'
Shocking.
'Perform CPR.'
I didn't... I didn't do that?
No. No. No. It was nothing...
Sometimes people's bodies just
give up on them.
I don't think you should chuck
it in, you know.
No?
It's the only time you're
not a wanker.
I think you're right.
I've never met anyone like you.
No, no, you haven't.
Thank you for tonight.
Thank you, yourself.
Mia?
I don't know what to do now.
Think about it.
How long have you been watching me?
I'm just trying to
work out why you're here.