Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 3, Episode 8 - Hot Spells - full transcript

♪ Daring duck of mystery ♪

♪ Champion of right ♪

♪ Swoops out of the shadows ♪

♪ Darkwing owns the night ♪

♪ Somewhere some villain schemes ♪

♪ But his number's up ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ When there's trouble, you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

Let's get dangerous.



♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

Darkwing, Darkwing... Duck!

♪ Cloud of smoke and he appears ♪

♪ A master of surprise ♪

♪ Who's that cunning mind behind ♪

♪ That shadowy disguise? ♪

♪ Nobody knows for sure ♪

♪ Bad guys are out of luck ♪

♪ Here comes ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

Look out!

♪ When there's trouble, you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

Let's get dangerous.



♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Better watch out, you bad boys! ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

Gee - yeuuh!

This is one place I can really get into.

You must have had a great time going to school here!

So, yes, the Eldritch Academy of Enchantment has been the center of Sorcery Studies for thousands of years.

Yeah, real Ivy League.

Poison ivy.

Oh, joy. Another gruesome Macabre reunion.

Now, where is that brilliant daughter of mine?

Father, oh, and Sassy!

So good of you to come.

Nonsense. We wouldn't miss this for the world.

Not every day a Macabre receive an honor like this one, Dana.

Imagine, my daughter asked by the Academy to present her groundbreaking paper.

Warts And Boils - Medieval Hexes Redefined For A New Age.

Nothing like a fuzzy word to impress an intellectual.

Still dating for normal, I see.

Couldn't you dig up someone better?

Ay-yi! She quit digging when she found me, pal.

Perhaps she needs a new shovel.

Is that your best trick, Blackstone?

Father, Darkwing. Would you please try to get along with each other?

Ooooo-kaaaay.

Only for your sake, my daughter.

Besides, I know what it's like to be a proud father.

Oh, really?

What are you doing up there?

You should see the gross stuff they have in here.

I'll get her.

Hmm, wouldn't be a bad brew...with a bit of oregano.

Gosalyn, you could have been killed.

Yipe! And cooked!

Oh, I was only kidding.

Well, gotta run.

Stop by my class and I'll show you around.

Oh, Cousin Globby. How nice of you to plop in.

Sorry about scaring you like that.

I wasn't scared, just lost my grip.

Oh, no, I'm late for my appointment with the Dean.

Dean Specter Macaques is the most respected man in the paranormal world.

Yeah, generations of Macabres have studied under him.

Dat's funny. No one's here.

Impossible. The Dean is expecting us.

Maybe went out to find the janitor.

Watch it, Laddie.

When you're as old as I am, there is a fine line 'tween dust and decomposition.

Ma-ma-ma-maybe you should drink more...fluids.

Hmmp! Let's see how good you look after a millennia or two.

Ah. Morgana, it's quite a day for you.

Not only is your paper first rate,

but the academy is very impressed by your business accomplishments.

That's my ghoul.

I know you have lots to do, but take a moment to visit our adanced classes.

Young Master Globby there can show you the way.

I've got to do something to get out of the pits here.

Ha! Well! Maybe...maybe I'll checked topside, ha?

See if there's any opportunities for devilment.

Hmm, bada-bada-bada...hmmm, car repair shops? Nah, too easy.

Politics, ha? No, no, not enough challenge.

Hey, what's this? What's this?

What? Darkwing Duck at the Eldritch Academy?

Oh-ha-ha! Would I love to get that do goodling dweeb on my resume!

Ha! What? And he brought the kid with him?

Wha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, boy!

I've been waiting for an opportunity like this! Ha!

Team, get me wardrobe. Ha-ha-ha!

I'm stepping out tonight. Hee-hee-hee!

What's this - the janitor's closet?

It's...the Library of Forbidden Spells.

Haanh?

So, what's the Library of Forbidden Spells?

Um, is it gonna do that every time we say...Library of Forbidden Spells?

It cannot be helped.

Those are the spells and incantations that extract too great a price to be used.

"Too great a price to use." What? Is it in the soft cover edition?

Get serious, Dark.

The soul is far too precious a commodity to risk in the quest for easy power.

Well, here's that nasty science lab.

What? Who needs science when you've got magic?

Ha! If I knew a little Hocus Pocus, poof! My homework would be history.

Magic only looks easy because we do the calculations in our head.

We still have to brew the corequisite potion,

let it steep for ages,

as long as you remember to burp the quackerware.

This is all so cool!

I wish I could ditch regular school and come here.

Perhaps we could arrange to have Gosalyn sit in on the class.

Really? Thank you.

She does seem to have a natural feeling for the unnatural.

Believe me, I know. I'm just not sure it should be encouraged.

He-he-he! However, I can't say no to my little girl.

Not if I want to wake up in the morning.

That's wonderful, Dark Darling.

That'll leave you free to help me with my presentation.

Well, gee, uh...maybe I should stay here and supervise.

Ulp!

All right, class, settle down now.

Today we will be creating hot liver and spirit vermillion.

Like so:

So, please have your spider bristles, mugwump ooze and calculators ready.

Calculators?

You can't create dinner without figured the logarithms for its ectoplasmatic field.

Math is for weenies. Real wizards aren't afraid to experiment.

Uh-oh!

Cool beans! What is it?

Some kind of disgusting glob monster?

Eh, no offense, Globby.

Eeeuu, gross!

Congratulations, you just discovered chocolate pudding!

Maybe you should just skip this experiment, now, dearie.

It's probably beyond the reach of normals.

But I'm sure you'll be welcome in the home-ec class.

Stupid calculation. What kind of magic is that?

Sorry!

Hey, hey, wait up! you forgot your...

Boy. And Dad calls me absent minded.

...breaks through and...

Oh, heh-heh-heh. Scared the daylights out of me, girlie.

Who is that you got there?

Who? I'm still working on what.

Looks like Yorik. You know, I've been looking for him all afternoon.

Uh, happen to see where the rest of them went?

Uh, never mind. He'll wander back.

Heh-heh-heh. He's a mean klutz.

Always has a bone to pick with someone.

Uh, bring your game, my dear.

The name's Be-el-zee. Chief custodian.

Uh, I thought no one was supposed to be here.

Isn't this the Library of Forbidden Spells?

Uh, used to be.

Uh, I moved all that junk down to the basement.

No sense taking up room with a lot of books nobody reads, uh?

I don't know. They seem pretty sure about it.

Now tell me, who you're gonna listen to?

The type with their head and the clouds or the guy with all the keys.

Oh, you, I guess.

Aw, what's the matter, there, kiddo?

Well, I was all psyched to learn magic.

But it turns out you got to be a rocket scientist first.

Ya know, I'll let you in on a little secret.

Magic is easy.

All that math stuff over there? Heh-heh.

It's there to keep the teachers employed.

Got a union thing, I think, you know?

Ah-ha! This is a textbook for you.

See? It skips all that mathematical nonsense.

Magic Made Easy. Oh, that sounds...easy.

Is it easy.

None of that memorizing spells or collecting gold eyes and putting them in a cauldron stuff. Heh-heh.

What did gold ever do to them, anyway?

Hey, you see? You just wiggle your fingers like this.

And presto - magic!

Ooo, I don't know.

Hey, here's a going to try. Look, uh, here, peek.

You just wiggle your little fingers like this, huh?

And you create one of them, uh, asearic familiars.

Okay.

Haah. But I hope you like chocolate pudding.

Uh, you didn't say, "Presto".

Presto.

Wow! Major League impressive!

But it could sure use a breath mint.

This is much better than anything they did in class.

So you keep the book for a while, huh, kid?

Just, uh, don't tell anyone you got it.

Um, you know, I really shouldn't let you have books without a library card, you know?

Oh, no problem.

C'mon, Imp. We got some spells to throw.

There goes the bait...hah-hah-hah!

And soon, hah, I'll be reeling in Darkwing Duck. Hah-hah!

Oh, I don't know...

Do you think I should redo these in color? I have the time.

Look, Morg, you've already written the paper.

If they wanna learn about warts and boils they can just read it for themselves.

What's the big deal?

What's the big deal?

It's only the most important moment of my entire life!

Oh, sorry, Dark. I guess I'm just a little tense.

Heh-heh-heh, a little tense. That's un-un-understandable.

Oh, Dark, don't you see?

Dean Macaque won't just be judging my paper. They'll be judging me.

My demeanor, my style, my ability think on my feet.

Gee, is there going to be a swimsuit competition, too?

Oof, ooh, wait a minute!

Presto!

The pocketbook edition. Much better, hah!

It'd be a lot easier if this thing had pictures.

A Golarion Turanga.

Hmmm, can't have too many of those.

Par-esto!

Ooooooh! A man!

You made that? But, now?

Guess I kept doing dad.

How could you manage the calculation?

Calculation, heh...right!

You don't have to pretend with me, Morgana.

They know magic doesn't take all that stuff.

What?

But magic isn't easy.

The only way to get that kind of power is...

ahhhh!

Gosalyn!

Have you been using spells from the Forbidden Library?

Of course not!

All the forbidden stuff was moved to the basement.

Really? I'm not your type or species.

But, get a load of that hunk.

Who told you the Forbidden Books were moved out of the libr...?

Oh, no! My presentation is ruined!

How can I make my presentation on the warts without visual aids?

Don't play so hard to get, Mylokilo. Ah-ha-hee-hee-hee!

Morgana. I expected your presentation to be a less, um, chubby.

No, this isn't my presentation. Actually, it is but...

but, it-it-it...but it was Gosa and Turanga...

That creature was yours?

Uh, yes.

Oh, that's fantastic!

The lass is a regular mystical Mozart.

Now, lass, just how did you manage those spells?

Oh, I've been working on, um, uh, a few theories of my own?

Did ya hear that, folks?

A possible break through.

The academy must hear these theories.

Gulp!

Well, now that I've seen what, eh, Morgana is planning,

I'm sure she can cut her a presentation to make room for this young prodigy.

Oh, look at that time. Must be goin'.

I gotta do a presentation.

Oh, I have to go see someone. Bye!

Yeah, yeah, that's my little genius.

Oh, Dark, you don't really think that Gosalyn could do the magical calculations?

Hey, she may not be book smart, but she's got great imagination.

Just ask her teacher who, uhh, oughta be released any day now.

She said something about the Forbidden Books being moved.

Oh, I hope she hasn't gotten into any trouble.

Helloohh!

What do you mean, you don't do windows?

Get out of here and get to work! I don't ever want...

Heeyyy, hi, kid. What can I do for you?

Oh, I kinda got roped into a big demonstration and I don't know what to do.

Aw, come here, let me see that.

Well, I know just the thing.

Hmm, let me see. Um-hmm, um-hmm.

Ah, here's the right one.

Here you go.

You'll knock them out of their seats with this.

Cool!

You're sure this didn't come from the...

Library of Forbidden...?

Heh-heh-heh. I keep telling you:

that's all packed away with the day-glo polyester wizard robes.

And nobody's gonna touch that stuff, hah?

Go on, knock'em dead, kid.

You know I will.

Well, fine Janice Macabre for that, em... exciting presentation.

They hated my presentation.

Hey, hey. I thought you were great.

But, that...hope you don't mind.

I understand. After all, she's your daughter.

Oh, this'll never work.

Here. I'm gonna need both hands for this.

Great. That's better.

It is one of the Forbidden Books.

Gosalyn! Don't...eee!

Did I miss anything, Mac?

We'll call that a no.

I-I-I, uh...

The real secret of magic is timing and...good grooming...and...huh-huh-huh...

Hey, hey, hey! Give a kid a chance.

You're losing 'em, Gos. Better hit 'em with the big stuff.

Ha, presto!

I've seen those doors before.

Those are the Gates of Fire, you old fool.

Fire or boo barbecue, folks, 'cause you got company. Ha-ha-ha!

I know things seem to be cooking a little slow. Heh-heh-heh.

Maybe it's time I turned up the heat.

You picked the wrong battleground, Beelzebub.

Now you face the combined power of the students and alumni of the Eldritch Academy.

Gee, that was easy.

I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night.

I am the water balloon that lands right on your head.

I am Darkwing Duck!

You are a cooked goose.

It takes more than that sparkler to stop me, you netherworld ninny.

Deep fry 'im, boys.

Ah-ah-ah-ah! Mustn't play with fire.

Way to go, dad!

Look out!

And now, I have a little surprise for you.

Morgana!

I'll let her go if you agree to take her place.

Don't do it, Dark!

That's been his plan the whole time.

All right. You've got a deal.

You're not taking my dad. Go get him, Baba.

Look, kid. Where do you think your power came from? Huh? Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Morgana, we've gotta do something!

Unlike Morgana, Darkwing went in of his own free will.

I'm afraid your deal for easy magic doomed him.

I'm sure Gosalyn didn't know what she was doing. Did you, Gosalyn?

Do I look stupid? I thought it was the janitor.

Ah! Then, technically, the lass is an innocent.

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

Well, this changes everything.

Beelzebub's contract is invalid.

What does that mean?

It means that with your help,

we can bring Darkwing back,

but it will get a lot of hard work.

Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get magical!

Hey, look at it this way, huh?

How long do you think I'd let you run around fighting evil cutting into my business, hah?

Just my overhead isn't bad enough already.

Bring on your fire and brimstone, Beelzebub.

I laugh at your eternal flames. Ha!

Hey-hey-hey. I wouldn't waste my time with that old stuff.

No. Hey-hey-hey.

I reserved a special kind of heat for eternal punishment for you.

Saved ya a seat, kiddo. You're just in time to watch Pelican's Island.

Forever!

Toenail of newt.

Check.

Steel of snail.

Check.

And cream of chicken soup.

Checkaroonie.

The square root of 26 billion minus the length of a vulture's pin feathers cubed.

Wheeuuw! Smells gross!

It's the monkey drool.

It's done.

Don't expect me to lick the spoon.

Now it's time to pay back Mr. Fibs with a little of his own medicine.

I tell you, boys, now that I've got Darkwing Duck wrapped up, I'm ready for bigger things.

We're Nasha and Webb from the Brimstone Examiner.

...are thinking about calling you, Babe.

Hey, hey, heh-heh-heh, now we're cooking.

First we need a picture of you and the duck.

Say, "please".

Gosalyn, what are you doing?

Well, I guess that works.

Hurry! The Academy can't keep the cage open forever!

Hey, wait, don't leave. I'm just about to do a little baking.

Ooooo!

Gloo, gloo, gloo, Big Boy.

Gee, Morgana, I'm sorry for messing up your special day.

Sorry, dad. I didn't mean to endanger your soul like that.

Um-hm. This punishment is going to have to be pretty good.

I used up my best stuff when she blew up the bathroom.

But this is gonna call for something major.

Uhhh, not my comic books!

Come on, dad. It's not like I played hookey or something. It was just your soul.

This is cruel and unusual punishment.

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪