Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 2, Episode 9 - Battle of the Brainteasers - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

[BAA]

[MOO]

OH, WOW!

A METEOR!

HIYA, HONK.

I WAS JUST COMING UP

TO SHARE MY
ICE CREAM WITH YA.

AW, TANK...

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

WHAT WAS THAT?

YOU WANTED
A DOUBLE SCOOP?

COMING RIGHT UP.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

COMING UP
ON PELICAN'S ISLAND!

DAD, I--I SAW--

ON FIRE--

AND THEN CRASH--

FALLING--

METEOR ON FIRE!

THIS IS THE ONE WHERE PELICAN
GETS HIS FLIPPERS CAUGHT

IN THE COMBINE
HARVESTER!

MOM!

MOM!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WOULD MARASCHINO
CHERRIES BE TOO MUCH?

I--I SAW A METEOR!

MEATIER?

YOU WANT MORE MEAT?

YOU DON'T THINK
THIS IS ENOUGH
POT ROAST?

WHAT?
MAKE IT QUICK.

I'VE GOT
IMPORTANT BUSINESS.

UH...
FIREBALL!

FIREBALL!
HOW BLIND I'VE BEEN.

IF YOU THROW A FIREBALL
WHILE YOU JUMP,

IT KILLS DART BOY.

B-BUT METEOR!

METEOR'S
ON THE FIRST LEVEL.
JUMP THAT.

GOSALYN, I JUST SAW A...

HOW DO YOU LIKE
MY NEW BURGLAR TRAP?

I SAW A METEOR
CRASH IN THE HILLS!

OH!

VANILLA.

TANK ON THE WARPATH
AGAIN?

AS ALWAYS.

STAND UP TO PEOPLE.
SHOW SOME GUTS.

I'M AFRAID TANK
WILL DO THE SHOWING
WITH MY GUTS.

ALL SET.

ALIENS! WE GOT TO
CHECK THIS OUT.

ALIENS?

BARRADA, REPORT.

THE GERDIST BOMB CREATED
A MAIN DRIVE MELTDOWN

WHICH COULD DESTRUCT
AT ANY MINUTE.

IT AFFECTED ALL SYSTEMS,
INCLUDING COMMUNICATIONS.

IT APPEARS WE'RE STUCK
ON THIS BACKWATER PLANET.

THOSE GERDIST
REVOLUTIONARIES ARE
AN INSUFFERABLE NUISANCE.

WHEN WE RETURN,
I'LL ORDER THEM
ALL DEBRIMMED!

CHECK THIS OUT!

FOUR STOMACHS.

HOW DARE YOU TAKE
A LARGER HOST THAN I?

MEGA-PARDON, PRINCE
OF A THOUSAND PLANETS.

NO INSULT MEANT.

AHH, MUCH BETTER.

AW, ONLY ONE?

WE MUST FIND
A COMMUNICATION CENTER

TO SUMMON HELP.

THOSE REVOLUTIONARIES
WILL LEARN

NO ONE OPPOSES
THE MIGHTY FLARG!

I WILL--

[CLUNK]

TRY SOME,
YOUR WORSHIPFULNESS.

AN EYESORE WITH
A TOUCH OF RUST.

I EXPECT YOU
TO PAY ATTENTION
WHILE I SPEAK.

BUT I'M HUNGRY, FLARG.

"BUT I'M HUNGRY, FLARG."

YOU'RE ALWAYS HUNGRY!

SILENCE!

[ENGINE WHIRS]

POWERED FLIGHT.
THIS PLANET MAY NOT BE

AS BACKWATER
AS WE THOUGHT.

THEN AGAIN...

DO WE HAVE TO
WEAR THESE?

OF COURSE.
THERE'S NOTHING

PLASMA-SUCKING
SPACE MONSTERS

LOVE MORE THAN
A NICE TENDER BRAIN.

AW, DON'T WORRY,
LITTLE HONKSTER.

SHE'S PULLING YOUR LEG.

THERE HAVEN'T BEEN
ANY PLASMA-SUCKERS
IN THIS QUADRANT

SINCE CENTAURANS
OVERRAN GALACTIC
SECTOR DELTA-Q.

CENTAURANS
OVERRAN GALACTIC
SECTOR DELTA-Q?

WHY DIDN'T I KNOW?

YOU'RE TO
KEEP ME INFORMED!

IT'S NOT A METEOR!

MIGHTY GLORBS!

LOOK AT THAT ONE'S
CRANIAL CAPACITY!

WHAT ABOUT ITS
STOMACH CAPACITY?

METALLIC...

NO SEAMS...

NO ROCKET BOOSTERS.

IT MIGHT BE--OH!

IT HAS TO BE!

IT'S A REAL SPACESHIP!

LOOKS LIKE A HATBOX
TO ME.

WE FOUND
A REAL SPACESHIP

WITH MAYBE REAL ALIENS?

WE'RE GOING TO BE RICH!

AAH!

THOUGHT YOU
WERE AN ALIEN.

NICE HAT.

OH! WAIT!
WHAT ABOUT...

HONKER!

ARE YOU O.K.?

NO BROKEN BONES.

HEY, NICE HAT.

TAKE YOUR HANDS
OFF MY PERSONAGE!

HUH?

HUH?

OH, I MEAN...

I'M--I'M FINE.

[EXPLOSION]

THERE WON'T BE
ANYTHING LEFT TO SELL.

OR EAT.

YOU SAID SOMETHING?

YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM
AS HOSTS

UNTIL THEY
REMOVE THOSE HELMETS.

WELL, NOT MUCH,
BUT AT LEAST
IT'S SOMETHING.

IT'S GETTING LATE.

TIME TO SKEDADDLE.

EAT LEAPING FIREBALL,
DART BOY.

HEY, DAD, ALIENS
CRASH-LANDED ON EARTH!

WE ALMOST GOT
THE SPACESHIP,
THEN--KABOOM!

I SAVED THIS.

THIS ISN'T FROM OUTER SPACE.

AND WHO MADE YOU
RESIDENT EXPERT

ON SUBSTANCES
OF NONTERRESTRIAL
ORIGIN, HMM?

WELL, I CERTAINLY KNOW...

WHEN DID HE BECOME
MR. MOTORMOUTH?

STUPID HAT, TOO.

OH, NO!
IT'S THE WHIFFLE BOY!

NO!

LIKE HE'S NOT GOING
TO SIT ON MY HEAD AGAIN.

CARELESSLY CRUSHED
BY THE COLOSSAL KID.

AT LEAST I MANAGED TO
SIGNAL MOONBASE THIS TIME.

MOONBASE?
THIS ONE SEEMS TO KNOW

ABOUT INTERSTELLAR
COMMUNICATION.

WE MUST TAKE HIM.

I'M GOING OVER TO
HONKER'S HOUSE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I'LL JUST SIT HERE
AND LET THE WHIFFLE BOY

USE ME AS A PUNCHING BAG
OR MAYBE TAKE A NAP.

HONKER,
YOU MISSED DINNER.

OH, I, UH...

HONKER SAW A METEOR
THAT WAS A SPACESHIP...

NEVER MIND.

I'LL MAKE YOU
A PLATE LATER.

HOW ABOUT
SOME FRESH COOKIES?

OH, THANKS,
MRS. MUDDLEFOOT.

YOU CALL THIS FOOD?

WHERE'S THE METAL?

METAL?

OH, DEAR.
DID I FORGET METAL?

MAYBE HE MEANS IRON.

EVERYONE IS GETTING
SO HEALTH CONSCIOUS.

HI, MR. MUDDLEFOOT.

TV TROUBLE AGAIN?

OH, HI, GOSALYN.

YEAH, DADBLAMED TV
MADE ME MISS
PELICAN'S ISLAND.

AHH!

A SNACK TRAY.

HONK, COULD YOU PASS ME
THE CRESCENT WRENCH?

GOTTA GO.

THIS WON'T FIT
A 7/16 NUT.

WHAT'S THE HURRY,
HONKNOSE?

YOU DARE IMPEDE
MY PASSING?

HUH?

REMOVE YOURSELF!

WHY, I'M GONNA...

AH! A DEVOTEE OF GALFRIAN
GALACTIC DIGIT FIGHTING, EH?

[CUCKOO CUCKOO]

AND I TOLD HIM
TO SHOW SOME GUTS.

WHEN DID YOU LEARN THAT?

CAN YOU TEACH ME?

THAT WAS WAY COOL.
NINJA, HUH?

WHERE YOU GETTING
THESE HATS?

NICE EYES, THOUGH.

EYES?
YOU'RE ALIENS!

BINGO.

THAT OUGHTA STOP ANY
MIND-SUCKERS FROM SPACE.

OH, DAD,
HONKER'S GOT A THING
FROM THE SPACESHIP...

OH, REALLY?

OH, NO!

NO!

WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING. UH, NOTHING.
NOTHING'S WRONG.

NO BRAIN-SUCKING ALIENS
HERE.

ONE OF THESE--

SOMETHING WRONG,
FLARG?

DON'T BE INSOLENT
WITH ME, BARRADA.

SIR, I WAS ONLY--

FIND THE GIRL.
SHE KNOWS.

NO BRAIN-SNARFING
ALIEN'S TAKING
MY PLANET.

[HUMMING]

♪ DO DO DEE OH DO ♪♪

NOTHING LIKE TINKERING
WITH THE OLD THUNDERQUACK
TO RELAX.

HYAH!

OOH!

HEY, WATCH IT!

GOSALYN!

O.K., YOU'RE CLEAN.

GEE, YOU NEVER CARED
ABOUT MY FASHION SENSE
BEFORE.

WHEW!

IS YOUR HAT
AN ALIEN?

NO. IT WAS MADE
HERE.

NO, I MEAN, OH,
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO BELIEVE THIS.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

TOLD YOU
YOU WOULDN'T.

[BARRADA]
I'VE SEARCHED THIS
CREATURE'S MEMORY.

IT HAS ACCESS
TO TECHNOLOGY
WE CAN USE.

DOES IT KNOW
INTERSTELLAR COMMUNICATION?

THIS ONE CAN'T EVEN
KILL WHIFFLE BOY.

I DON'T SEE
ANYTHING WEIRD
ABOUT THEM.

SHH! WATCH!

JUST WHAT IS
THE DELAY?

YOU'RE RIGHT.
D.W. WOULD NEVER

WEAR A HAT
THAT CLASHES.

YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

YOU'RE JEALOUS
OF THE CAPE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

HIS BRAIN TELLS ME THIS
IS THE CORRECT ATTIRE.

BESIDES, GET A LOAD
OF THIS.

[WHISTLES]

WELL, WHAT'S A NICE
KLORN LIKE YOU

DOING ON A PLANET
LIKE THIS?

ACTUALLY,
IT'S ONLY A HUSK.

WHAT A WASTE.
THESE BARBARIANS.

WE MUST LEAVE
THIS ROCK.

WHAT IF THEY TAKE
DAD AND HONKER?

WELL, THEY'LL CHALK UP
FREQUENT FLYER MILES.

JUST KIDDING, GOSALYN.

WE'LL FIND A WAY
TO FREE THEM,

OR I'LL GO DOWN TRYING.

THIS PINPOINTS
A TRANSMITTER

CAPABLE OF
CONTACTING HOME.

CAPE CANARD AIR BASE.
I'LL GET COORDINATES.

I CANNOT WAIT
TO LEAVE.

ALTHOUGH I CAN
CERTAINLY RECOMMEND
THE CUISINE HERE.

NIKTO, HAVE PRIDE
IN YOUR APPEARANCE.

YOU'RE A ROYAL
GUARDSMAN.

CLEAN YOURSELF
UP AT ONCE.

AH...AH...

AH-CHOO!

OH, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT WAS THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.
EVERY NEURON
BLEW AT ONCE.

IDIOT!

IT WAS DUST.

COME ON. WE'LL
MAKE THEM ALL SNEEZE.

GOOD THING DRAKE ISN'T
MUCH OF A HOUSEKEEPER.

AH...AH...

NO!

CHOO!

THE PILOT. GET HIM!

THAT LITTLE GIRL'S
UP THERE.

NEVER MIND HER.
LET'S PHONE HOME.

ONCE WE MAKE CONTACT,
MY FOLLOWERS
WILL GET US,

THEN I'LL CRUSH
THE INSOLENT REBELS
WHO STRANDED US.

HEY, WHERE'S
YOUR CLEARANCE?

YOU CAN'T
LEAVE THAT HERE.

SO ARREST ME.

THIS COULD BE HARDER
THAN I THOUGHT.

[DOOR OPENS]

[GASP]

[MUNCHING]

WHAT ARE YOU
EATING NOW?

JUST THIS.

IT'S A LOCK
FOR A FISSION BOMB.

WHERE DID YOU
GET THIS?

DOWN THE HALL.

SHOW ME.

[MANIACAL LAUGH]

SUDDENLY, THIS PLANET IS
A LOT MORE INTERESTING.

WITH THIS KIND
OF FIREPOWER

AND BACKUP
FROM THE HOME PLANET,

ADDING THIS WORLD
TO MY EMPIRE

IS CHILD'S PLAY.

PREPARE THE MISSILES
TO FIRE.

ALL RIGHT.
IT'S SHOWTIME.

OH, NO!

NOT THE RERUNS, TOO!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S HONKER.

PEOPLE OF EARTH,
I'M THE HIGH POTENTATE

OF A THOUSAND PLANETS
IN THE DELPHONIC NEBULA.

I'M OFFERING YOU
A GENEROUS GIFT.

TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION
BY ME.

REFUSE THIS PRESENT,
AND MY CREW AND I

WILL VAPORIZE YOUR CITIES
WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

WOW! WORLD DOMINATION.

I KNEW THAT KID
WOULD GO PLACES.

TO THINK OUR HONKER
COULD SOON BE
RULING THE PLANET.

YOU'LL HAVE
TO GIVE HIM
THE BIGGER BEDROOM.

AW, NO!

YOUR GOVERNMENTS HAVE
15 MINUTES TO SURRENDER.

I'LL SLOW THEM
DOWN.

DON'T KEEP ME WAITING.

OHH...

WELL, I HOPE
IT WORKS OUT
FOR THE LITTLE TYKE.

WHAT WENT WRONG?

HAVE YOU BEEN SNACKING?

IT'S THE GIRL.

INTERFERING BIPED!

I WANT MY AUDIENCE.

ATOMIZE A FEW CITIES.

IT'LL GIVE US
CREDIBILITY.

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE KID.

THERE'S NO POINT.

YOU'LL ESCAPE ONLY
TO BE VAPORIZED

WITH EVERYONE ELSE.

I HATE TO DO THIS
TO YOUR BODY, HONKER,

BUT I'LL BEAT YOU.

OH, I AM GOING
TO ENJOY THIS.

LET GO OF MY PAL,
BRAINSUCKER.

HEY, DERBYFACE,
EAT PEPPER AND DIE.

WHAT KIND
OF STUPID TRICK?

OH, NO! NO!

AH...AH...

AH...AH-CHOO!

HONKER!

GOSALYN?

IT WAS HORRIBLE.
I HAD TO DO
WHATEVER HE WANTED.

I WAS WORSE
THAN TANK.

LOOKS LIKE FLARG WILL
MISS THE MISSILE LAUNCH.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HE LIKES
PLANETARY DESTRUCTION.

WE CAN WASTE A COUPLE
OF ORBITAL COLONIES

ON THE WAY HOME.

HOLD IT THERE,
ALIEN SLIME.

TIME FOR HAY FEVER.

TOSS THE PEPPER BOMB.

THE LID'S STUCK. USE
THE PEPPER SHAKERS.

NO, I DON'T THINK
THAT WILL BE NECESSARY.

WHO'S THE MEGA-WIMP NOW?

I GOT TO GET HELP.

TIME TO SHOW SOME GUTS.

UM, UH, STOP IT
RIGHT HERE.

PLEASE.

NOT AGAIN. IF
YOU'RE HOPING
TO BE MY HOST,

I LIKE THIS BODY
BETTER.

IT HAS
MORE BACKBONE.

THAT'S FINE.
I JUST BROUGHT A SNACK
FOR NIKTO. HERE.

OH, BOY! ALUMINUM!

DON'T!

AH...AH...

AH-CHOO!

WHEN THE WHIFFLE BOY
SITS ON YOUR HEAD,

HE MEANS BUSINESS.

[ALARM]

THE MISSILES
ARE LAUNCHING.

OH, NO!

WHAT?

THEY WON'T TAKE EARTH
WITHOUT A FIGHT.

NO, WAIT!

THEY COULD'VE
DESTROYED US
LIKE THE MISSILES.

NO, HONKER!

IT IS ALL RIGHT.

I'M KLATTU 2,
THE LEADER OF
THE REVOLUTIONARIES.

WE'LL TAKE FLARG
THE TERRIBLE
TO STAND TRIAL.

A THOUSAND WORLDS
ACROSS THE GALAXY
OWE YOU THANKS.

DON'T MENTION IT.
T'WEREN'T NOTHING.

MAYBE FOR YOU.

I GUESS THEY'LL
SPREAD THE WORD.

ANY ALIENS
COME NOSING
AROUND EARTH,

THEY'LL HAVE TO DEAL
WITH HONKER MUDDLEFOOT,
GALACTIC SCUMKICKER!

AH...AH-CHOO!

SORRY THE WORLD
DOMINATION THING
DIDN'T WORK OUT.

BUT WE LEARN
FROM OUR MISTAKES.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.

TOUGH LUCK,
DUFUS.

THIS ONE'S MINE.

OHH...

I, UH, I...