Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 2, Episode 2 - Film Flam - full transcript
♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
OH! OH!
AAH!
GRR!
THERE'S NO WAY OUT,
NO ONE TO HELP.
LIKE, A REALLY
NICE DAY.
GRR!
HELLO, PEOPLE...
I BET MY ALLOWANCE
IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BUDGET.
[CHAIN SAW BUZZES]
GRR!
YEAH! THE 3-D EFFECTS
AREN'T TOO SHABBY.
IT WAS A BUSY NIGHT
FOR THE CRIMEFIGHTER,
FOILING FELONS
AND THWARTING THIEVES.
DARKWING DUCK
REMAINED ON GUARD,
KNOWING NEW VILLAINS
LAY POISED
TO THROW THE CITY
INTO TURMOIL.
YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH GOSALYN'S
COUNSELOR TODAY.
JUST REMINDING YOU.
3 P.M. SHARP.
I REMEMBER,
I REMEMBER.
I'VE BEEN ROBBED!
THAT MAN'S TAKEN MY BANANAS!
AN INNOCENT
CITIZEN
IN IMMINENT AND
LIFE-THREATING
DANGER! OH, BOY.
HEY! AAH!
RAT CATCHER,
STATE-OF-THE-ART,
ANTI-LOCK BRAKES
ARE NO MATCH FOR
THE COMMON BANANA PEEL.
A WESTERN GUNFIGHTER?
IS IT HALLOWEEN?
I KNOW THAT GUY
FROM SOMEWHERE.
YES! YOU HAVE
NO BANANAS TODAY,
YOU MASQUERADING
MARAUDER.
HOWDY, STRANGER.
OR SHOULD I SAY
HASTA LA VISTA?
HE'S LIKE SOMETHING
FROM A B-MOVIE.
I SAW HIM ON
THE IT'S SO LATE,
IT'S EARLY SHOW!
THAT'S
THE SNAKE-EYED KID!
STRANGER, I'M A-CALLIN'
YOU OUT FOR A SHOWDOWN.
HOW AUTHENTIC.
ALL RIGHT, PARDNER,
I'M A-READY
WHEN YOU ARE.
THIS GUY IS BEGINNING
TO CRISP MY CAPE.
MR. MALLARD, YOUR
DAUGHTER HAS BEEN
TELLING STORIES.
SHE CLAIMS SHE SAW
A CHAIN SAW-WIELDING
ZOMBIE
JUMP OFF
A MOVIE SCREEN.
HOW LONG HAS GOSALYN
HAD TROUBLE
DISTINGUISHING
FICTION
FROM REALITY?
SHE DOESN'T
HAVE TROUBLE--
SIT!
SEND IN CASE 1331.
HAIL, O EVIL LORD
OF GALAXY SPIRAL.
HA HA.
IT'S TRUE SHE HAS
AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION,
BUT SHE DIDN'T SEE
ANY ZOMBIES
WITH HACKSAWS,
DID SHE?
NO, DAD,
IT WAS A CHAIN SAW,
MAYBE 10-12 HORSEPOWER.
HEY, I KNOW WHAT I SAW.
I ASSURE YOU
I'LL SUPERVISE
WHAT SHE WATCHES.
PROMISE.
SEE THAT YOU DO.
I SUGGEST FEWER MOVIES
WITH THE WORD "BLOOD"
IN THE TITLE.
NOW, THESE ARE MOVIES.
GOSALYN, WE'RE NOT HERE
FOR ANOTHER GOREFEST.
TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T
SEE MORE BLOODFESTS,
I'M HOLDING YOU
TO THIS OFFICIAL
"NO" LIST.
YOU'LL NOTICE
VIOLENT MOVIES
AT THE TOP.
SIGN HERE.
WE'RE SEEING
A DELIGHTFUL
G-RATED EXAMPLE
OF THE ART
OF ANIMATION.
A CARTOON?
NOW, THAT'S SCARY.
WACKY TIMES
WITH ANDY APE.
THIS SHOULD BE
MORE FUN THAN
A BARREL OF MONKEYS.
ANDY, TAKE GOOD CARE
OF TODDLER TIMMY.
NOW, THIS TIME,
PLEASE BE A GOOD BABY.
WAA!
[AUDIENCE]
HA HA!
[BIRDS CHIRPING
SOUND EFFECT]
OH, NO-O-O-O!
[THUMP]
[BURGLAR ALARM
SOUND EFFECT]
AAH!
"OH, NO-O-O-O," IS RIGHT.
[BIRDS CHIRPING
SOUND EFFECT]
UH, GOSALYN,
IN REAL LIFE,
IF YOU GET HIT
WITH AN ANVIL,
YOU DON'T POP UP
LIKE THAT.
GOSALYN? GOSALYN!
COME ON, L.P.
YOU DISOBEYED MY ORDERS,
SWAMP CREATURES.
AND NOW YOU WILL PAY!
YOUNG LADY,
MONGO FROM MARS
IS DEFINITELY
ON THE "NO" LIST.
MONGO CAN NOT
BE DENIED!
WE'RE GOING HOME
TO WATCH A NICE
DOCUMENTARY
ABOUT LIMA BEANS.
NO BUTS, ANDS,
OR IFS, GOSALYN.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
DAD! IT'S MONGO FROM MARS!
YEAH, RIGHT.
AND I'M DONALD--
DUCK!
HERE, GOSALYN,
IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT WE WERE
TALKING ABOUT.
IF THIS HAPPENED TO
A CARTOON CHARACTER,
HE'D JUST SAY,
"AAH!"
AND THEN RESUME
HIS SHAPE.
I, ON THE OTHER
HAND,
AM EXPERIENCING
PAIN LIKE YOU
WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
AT LEAST NOW YOU KNOW
I'M NOT SOME MALADJUSTED
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
A LOT OF VILLAINS
USE SILLY DISGUISES.
IT'S AN UNDERWORLD
TRADITION,
MUCH THE SAME WAY
AS I FIGHT CRIME
AS...
DARKWING DUCK!
CREATURE WHO JUMPED
FROM THE MOVIE SCREEN
DEAD AHEAD!
COME ON.
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
WE'LL GET DANGEROUS,
THANK YOU.
YOU STAY HERE.
LOOKS LIKE A LAST SHOW,
MASTER TUSKERNINNI.
SO GOSALYN ISN'T
A MALADJUSTED
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
THE VILLAINS
JUMP OFF
MOVIE SCREENS.
I WANT THAT
IN WRITING.
THIS INABILITY
TO FOLLOW
INSTRUCTIONS--
IS IT GENETIC OR SOMETHING?
MY LATEST
VILLAINOUS SCHEME
WILL BE
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL EVER.
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE PLOT TWIST
IN THE SECOND REEL.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
STOP THAT
DO-GOOD DUCK.
WHOA, NICE OUTFIT THERE.
WHO'S YOUR EMBALMER?
CONSTRAIN THE
ANNOYING INTRUDERS.
TIE THEM UP!
THE CAMERA,
AS I EXPLAIN
MY GRAND SCHEME
TO MY--HA HA--
CAPTIVE AUDIENCE.
BY USING THIS
3-D PROJECTION GUN,
I'M BRINGING TO LIFE
AN ARMY
OF FILM VILLAINS
TO DO MY BIDDING.
AS WE SAY IN THE
TRADE, "ROLL THEM!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW
WHO STARS IN
THIS CLASSIC FILM?
I DO.
FLEABEARD, THE NASTIEST,
MOST GRUNGIEST
MOST GROSS PIRATE
WHO EVER SAILED
THE SEVEN SEAS!
OH, I HATE TO MISS
YOUR FADE-OUT SCENE,
DARKWING DUCK,
HA HA,
BUT DESTINY CALLS.
EN GARDE,
INSECT FACE!
THAT'S FLEABEARD,
SWAB!
I'LL HANG YOU FROM
THE YEAREST NARDARM,
BE MUCKO.
THAT'S NEAREST YARDARM,
ME BUCKO.
AND THANKS
FOR THE SUGGESTION.
TIVER ME SHIMBERS!
THE DEMENTED DIRECTOR
HAS STAGED
A CLEAN GETAWAY.
THE WAY TO STOP
THIS FILMIC CRIME WAVE
IS TO FIND TUSKERNINNI.
WHERE DO WE LOOK FIRST?
WE? NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE GOING HOME
TO SIGN THE CONTRACT.
COME ON, SIGN HERE,
DEAR--
SWEETIE,
LOVE OF MY LIFE...
MY BENEFICIARY.
TELL YOU WHAT, DAD.
TAKE ME TO THE PREMIERE
OFSON OF KONGO, AND...
YOU'LL SIGN IT?
I'LL CONSIDER IT.
SON OF KONGO'S
NOT ON MY "NO LIST."
IT WAS UNTIL I ERASED IT.
[SNORING]
NOW I CAN SOLVE
THIS TUSKERNINNI CASE.
I FEEL THE ANSWER IS
STARING US IN THE FACE.
WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT
TILL HE
MAKES HIS NEXT MOVE.
I'M TAKING TIME AWAY
FROM AN IMPORTANT
CASE FOR THIS.
RIGHT, DAD.
THE THING'S STARTING.
NOW BE A GOOD BABY.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
IT'S THAT DUMB CARTOON.
IS THIS YOUR
IDEA OF A JOKE?
NO. I THOUGHT WE
WERE SEEING SOMETHING
ABOUT A GIANT GORILLA.
GIANT GORILLA?
GORILLA...GIANT...
A GIANT GORILLA.
TUSKERNINNI!
QUICKLY!
PICK UP THE PACE!
ALL RIGHT,
HANDS UP!
YOUR MAD SCHEME
IS UNREELING
BEFORE YOUR
VERY EYES.
WHOA! HEY!
MY FILM GUN!
MY GAS GUN!
SORRY FOR REWRITING
YOUR SCRIPT, BUT--
[CRASH]
HOW'S IT GOING?
POO! WE'VE LOST
VALUABLE TIME.
OOH! YOU GET OFF OF ME,
YOU OBNOXIOUS APE.
COME ON! LET'S
BE F-F-FRIENDS.
I'D RATHER FACE A
CHAIN SAW-WIELDING
ZOMBIE THAN THAT--
SORRY, P-P-PAL,
IT S-S-SLIPPED.
AND NOW, GET READY
FOR THE BIG TIME.
IT'S SHOWTIME!
[GRRR]
WITH YOU IN MY CAST,
I'LL SOON HAVE ALL
THE WEALTH IN ST. CANARD.
IN THIS SCENE, KONGO,
THE LADY OF YOUR DREAMS
HAS BEEN TAKEN
INTO THE JEWELRY STORE,
SO YOU SMASH IT OPEN.
AND...ACTION!
NO MORE MONKEYSHINES,
TUSKERNINNI.
AND NOW, KONGO,
THE INFIDELS
WHO STOLE YOUR
LADY LOVE FROM YOU.
YOU ARE FURIOUS.
[GRRR]
YOU GRAB THEM.
AND YOU HURL THEM
INTO NEXT
WEDNESDAY NIGHT--
7:37 P.M.
AAH!
AAH!
[CRASH]
WHEN I SAID TAKE FIVE,
I DIDN'T MEAN
FIVE BANANA TREES.
[GRUMBLE GRUMBLE]
IF YOU
DON'T GET IN LINE,
YOU'LL NEVER WORK
IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.
I KNOW I'M GOING
TO HATE MYSELF
TOMORROW, BUT--
HEY!
YOU STEPPED IN SOMETHING!
[HUH]
[GRRR]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M WATCHING
THIS DUMB CARTOON
WHEN THE MAIN CHARACTER
DISAPPEARS AND--OH!
IT'S KONGO IN PERSON.
GOSALYN, NO!
HEY, KONGO, CAN I
HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
OH! THIS IS
TOO HIP BY FAR.
WAIT TILL MY SCHOOL
COUNSELOR HEARS THIS ONE.
OOH! HEY, NOW!
WATCH IT, KONGO.
YOU DON'T WANT TO--
HELP!
I'M BEING KIDNAPPED
BY A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!
HEY, SOMEBODY!
HELP ME!
DARKWING DUCK!
TUSKERNINNI,
IT'S TIME TO PAY BACK
THAT FAVOR YOU OWE ME.
SOMETHING TELLS ME
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HELP.
I AM GOING TO
HELP YOU...
OUT OF THE PICTURE
PERMANENTLY!
YOU, MY FRIENDS, WHO
HAVE BEEN VANQUISHED
IN SO MANY FILMS,
WHO WOULD
LIKE THE CHANCE
TO DO AWAY
WITH THE HERO?
HOW DID THE SNAKE-EYED KID
LOSE IN THE MOVIES?
IT WAS BONANZA BOB,
THE LAWMAN.
SNAKE-EYE,
I'M TAKIN' YOU IN.
AAH!
HAIL, GREAT MONGO!
THE INVADER IS YOURS.
AND MONGO?
SORRY, I NEVER
SAW THAT ONE.
LORD ZAP OF PLANET
ZEBTON BEAT HIM!
LORD ZAP IS
HIS NEPHEW-IN-LAW,
HE CAN CONTROL
MONGO'S THOUGHTS!
I GOT YOU
OUT OF THAT MOVIE!
I SAW IT
THREE TIMES BEFORE.
YOUR EONS OF RULING
THE GALAXY ARE OVER.
I, YOUR RELATIVE, LORD ZAP,
AM HERE TO DEFEAT YOU.
AAH! NOT THE DREADED
ZEBTON MIND-MELD.
[HUMSROCKABYE, BABY]
NO! NO!
♪ LA TA TA
DA DA DA DA ♪♪
[SNORING]
ZOMBIE!
OK, MISS GOREMONGER!
WHO'S THE HERO
IN THIS PICTURE?
SOUTH DAKOTA SMITH!
NOW WHAT?
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE THE ZOMBIE WINS!
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
GRRR! GRRR!
GRRR! GRRR!
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
[WHISTLES]
HIYA, P-P-PAL.
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
OW!
[GRRR]
HA! THAT BIG MONKEY
WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM.
[GRRR]
[GRRR]
RELEASE THE CABLE,
LAUNCHPAD!
[GRRR]
CUT THE CABLE!
CUT THE CABLE ALREADY!
[GRRR]
JUST LIKE
IN THE MOVIES.
PLANES HAVE
NO AFFECT ON HIM.
MOVIES? MOVIES!
OF COURSE!
[SNAPS FINGERS]
YOU THERE, THE APE.
ME?
DO YOU SEE ANY
OTHER APES UP THERE?
IN THIS SCENE,
YOU DROP THE GIRL...
NO! CUT!
STUNT DOUBLE!
STUNT--
DOUBLE!
YOU COULD HAVE
GOTTEN ME KILLED.
THE HEROINE ALWAYS
SURVIVES IN THESE PICTURES.
DESPERATE AND WEAK,
YOU BEGIN TO
LOSE YOUR GRIP.
THEN...YOU FALL.
NO! LET'S CHANGE THAT!
YOU DON'T FALL!
CUT! PRINT!
THAT'S A WRAP.
NOT QUITE.
YOUR FINAL SCENE
HAS YET TO BE PLAYED.
I COULD LEARN
TO HATE MOVIES.
REVERSE THE CHARGE
ON HIS GUN
LIKE THEY DID IN
FANGMAN FROM FARGO.
YOU WEREN'T
SUPPOSED TO WATCH THAT.
THE ACT THREE FINALE
IS FINALLY HERE.
I'M NOT THROUGH YET,
TUSKERNINNI.
ACTION!
YEOW!
NOW THAT IS A WRAP.
OH! KONGO, JIMMY, RUN!
SURE I SHOULD BE
SEEING THIS?
IT'S KIND OF VIOLENT.
TRUE, BUT IT HAS
A VERY HAPPY ENDING.
HELP!
SOMEBODY!
ANYBODY!
GET ME OUT OF
THIS PICTURE!
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
OH! OH!
AAH!
GRR!
THERE'S NO WAY OUT,
NO ONE TO HELP.
LIKE, A REALLY
NICE DAY.
GRR!
HELLO, PEOPLE...
I BET MY ALLOWANCE
IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BUDGET.
[CHAIN SAW BUZZES]
GRR!
YEAH! THE 3-D EFFECTS
AREN'T TOO SHABBY.
IT WAS A BUSY NIGHT
FOR THE CRIMEFIGHTER,
FOILING FELONS
AND THWARTING THIEVES.
DARKWING DUCK
REMAINED ON GUARD,
KNOWING NEW VILLAINS
LAY POISED
TO THROW THE CITY
INTO TURMOIL.
YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH GOSALYN'S
COUNSELOR TODAY.
JUST REMINDING YOU.
3 P.M. SHARP.
I REMEMBER,
I REMEMBER.
I'VE BEEN ROBBED!
THAT MAN'S TAKEN MY BANANAS!
AN INNOCENT
CITIZEN
IN IMMINENT AND
LIFE-THREATING
DANGER! OH, BOY.
HEY! AAH!
RAT CATCHER,
STATE-OF-THE-ART,
ANTI-LOCK BRAKES
ARE NO MATCH FOR
THE COMMON BANANA PEEL.
A WESTERN GUNFIGHTER?
IS IT HALLOWEEN?
I KNOW THAT GUY
FROM SOMEWHERE.
YES! YOU HAVE
NO BANANAS TODAY,
YOU MASQUERADING
MARAUDER.
HOWDY, STRANGER.
OR SHOULD I SAY
HASTA LA VISTA?
HE'S LIKE SOMETHING
FROM A B-MOVIE.
I SAW HIM ON
THE IT'S SO LATE,
IT'S EARLY SHOW!
THAT'S
THE SNAKE-EYED KID!
STRANGER, I'M A-CALLIN'
YOU OUT FOR A SHOWDOWN.
HOW AUTHENTIC.
ALL RIGHT, PARDNER,
I'M A-READY
WHEN YOU ARE.
THIS GUY IS BEGINNING
TO CRISP MY CAPE.
MR. MALLARD, YOUR
DAUGHTER HAS BEEN
TELLING STORIES.
SHE CLAIMS SHE SAW
A CHAIN SAW-WIELDING
ZOMBIE
JUMP OFF
A MOVIE SCREEN.
HOW LONG HAS GOSALYN
HAD TROUBLE
DISTINGUISHING
FICTION
FROM REALITY?
SHE DOESN'T
HAVE TROUBLE--
SIT!
SEND IN CASE 1331.
HAIL, O EVIL LORD
OF GALAXY SPIRAL.
HA HA.
IT'S TRUE SHE HAS
AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION,
BUT SHE DIDN'T SEE
ANY ZOMBIES
WITH HACKSAWS,
DID SHE?
NO, DAD,
IT WAS A CHAIN SAW,
MAYBE 10-12 HORSEPOWER.
HEY, I KNOW WHAT I SAW.
I ASSURE YOU
I'LL SUPERVISE
WHAT SHE WATCHES.
PROMISE.
SEE THAT YOU DO.
I SUGGEST FEWER MOVIES
WITH THE WORD "BLOOD"
IN THE TITLE.
NOW, THESE ARE MOVIES.
GOSALYN, WE'RE NOT HERE
FOR ANOTHER GOREFEST.
TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T
SEE MORE BLOODFESTS,
I'M HOLDING YOU
TO THIS OFFICIAL
"NO" LIST.
YOU'LL NOTICE
VIOLENT MOVIES
AT THE TOP.
SIGN HERE.
WE'RE SEEING
A DELIGHTFUL
G-RATED EXAMPLE
OF THE ART
OF ANIMATION.
A CARTOON?
NOW, THAT'S SCARY.
WACKY TIMES
WITH ANDY APE.
THIS SHOULD BE
MORE FUN THAN
A BARREL OF MONKEYS.
ANDY, TAKE GOOD CARE
OF TODDLER TIMMY.
NOW, THIS TIME,
PLEASE BE A GOOD BABY.
WAA!
[AUDIENCE]
HA HA!
[BIRDS CHIRPING
SOUND EFFECT]
OH, NO-O-O-O!
[THUMP]
[BURGLAR ALARM
SOUND EFFECT]
AAH!
"OH, NO-O-O-O," IS RIGHT.
[BIRDS CHIRPING
SOUND EFFECT]
UH, GOSALYN,
IN REAL LIFE,
IF YOU GET HIT
WITH AN ANVIL,
YOU DON'T POP UP
LIKE THAT.
GOSALYN? GOSALYN!
COME ON, L.P.
YOU DISOBEYED MY ORDERS,
SWAMP CREATURES.
AND NOW YOU WILL PAY!
YOUNG LADY,
MONGO FROM MARS
IS DEFINITELY
ON THE "NO" LIST.
MONGO CAN NOT
BE DENIED!
WE'RE GOING HOME
TO WATCH A NICE
DOCUMENTARY
ABOUT LIMA BEANS.
NO BUTS, ANDS,
OR IFS, GOSALYN.
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
DAD! IT'S MONGO FROM MARS!
YEAH, RIGHT.
AND I'M DONALD--
DUCK!
HERE, GOSALYN,
IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT WE WERE
TALKING ABOUT.
IF THIS HAPPENED TO
A CARTOON CHARACTER,
HE'D JUST SAY,
"AAH!"
AND THEN RESUME
HIS SHAPE.
I, ON THE OTHER
HAND,
AM EXPERIENCING
PAIN LIKE YOU
WOULDN'T BELIEVE.
AT LEAST NOW YOU KNOW
I'M NOT SOME MALADJUSTED
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
A LOT OF VILLAINS
USE SILLY DISGUISES.
IT'S AN UNDERWORLD
TRADITION,
MUCH THE SAME WAY
AS I FIGHT CRIME
AS...
DARKWING DUCK!
CREATURE WHO JUMPED
FROM THE MOVIE SCREEN
DEAD AHEAD!
COME ON.
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
WE'LL GET DANGEROUS,
THANK YOU.
YOU STAY HERE.
LOOKS LIKE A LAST SHOW,
MASTER TUSKERNINNI.
SO GOSALYN ISN'T
A MALADJUSTED
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
THE VILLAINS
JUMP OFF
MOVIE SCREENS.
I WANT THAT
IN WRITING.
THIS INABILITY
TO FOLLOW
INSTRUCTIONS--
IS IT GENETIC OR SOMETHING?
MY LATEST
VILLAINOUS SCHEME
WILL BE
THE MOST SUCCESSFUL EVER.
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE PLOT TWIST
IN THE SECOND REEL.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
STOP THAT
DO-GOOD DUCK.
WHOA, NICE OUTFIT THERE.
WHO'S YOUR EMBALMER?
CONSTRAIN THE
ANNOYING INTRUDERS.
TIE THEM UP!
THE CAMERA,
AS I EXPLAIN
MY GRAND SCHEME
TO MY--HA HA--
CAPTIVE AUDIENCE.
BY USING THIS
3-D PROJECTION GUN,
I'M BRINGING TO LIFE
AN ARMY
OF FILM VILLAINS
TO DO MY BIDDING.
AS WE SAY IN THE
TRADE, "ROLL THEM!"
DOES ANYONE KNOW
WHO STARS IN
THIS CLASSIC FILM?
I DO.
FLEABEARD, THE NASTIEST,
MOST GRUNGIEST
MOST GROSS PIRATE
WHO EVER SAILED
THE SEVEN SEAS!
OH, I HATE TO MISS
YOUR FADE-OUT SCENE,
DARKWING DUCK,
HA HA,
BUT DESTINY CALLS.
EN GARDE,
INSECT FACE!
THAT'S FLEABEARD,
SWAB!
I'LL HANG YOU FROM
THE YEAREST NARDARM,
BE MUCKO.
THAT'S NEAREST YARDARM,
ME BUCKO.
AND THANKS
FOR THE SUGGESTION.
TIVER ME SHIMBERS!
THE DEMENTED DIRECTOR
HAS STAGED
A CLEAN GETAWAY.
THE WAY TO STOP
THIS FILMIC CRIME WAVE
IS TO FIND TUSKERNINNI.
WHERE DO WE LOOK FIRST?
WE? NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE GOING HOME
TO SIGN THE CONTRACT.
COME ON, SIGN HERE,
DEAR--
SWEETIE,
LOVE OF MY LIFE...
MY BENEFICIARY.
TELL YOU WHAT, DAD.
TAKE ME TO THE PREMIERE
OFSON OF KONGO, AND...
YOU'LL SIGN IT?
I'LL CONSIDER IT.
SON OF KONGO'S
NOT ON MY "NO LIST."
IT WAS UNTIL I ERASED IT.
[SNORING]
NOW I CAN SOLVE
THIS TUSKERNINNI CASE.
I FEEL THE ANSWER IS
STARING US IN THE FACE.
WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT
TILL HE
MAKES HIS NEXT MOVE.
I'M TAKING TIME AWAY
FROM AN IMPORTANT
CASE FOR THIS.
RIGHT, DAD.
THE THING'S STARTING.
NOW BE A GOOD BABY.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
IT'S THAT DUMB CARTOON.
IS THIS YOUR
IDEA OF A JOKE?
NO. I THOUGHT WE
WERE SEEING SOMETHING
ABOUT A GIANT GORILLA.
GIANT GORILLA?
GORILLA...GIANT...
A GIANT GORILLA.
TUSKERNINNI!
QUICKLY!
PICK UP THE PACE!
ALL RIGHT,
HANDS UP!
YOUR MAD SCHEME
IS UNREELING
BEFORE YOUR
VERY EYES.
WHOA! HEY!
MY FILM GUN!
MY GAS GUN!
SORRY FOR REWRITING
YOUR SCRIPT, BUT--
[CRASH]
HOW'S IT GOING?
POO! WE'VE LOST
VALUABLE TIME.
OOH! YOU GET OFF OF ME,
YOU OBNOXIOUS APE.
COME ON! LET'S
BE F-F-FRIENDS.
I'D RATHER FACE A
CHAIN SAW-WIELDING
ZOMBIE THAN THAT--
SORRY, P-P-PAL,
IT S-S-SLIPPED.
AND NOW, GET READY
FOR THE BIG TIME.
IT'S SHOWTIME!
[GRRR]
WITH YOU IN MY CAST,
I'LL SOON HAVE ALL
THE WEALTH IN ST. CANARD.
IN THIS SCENE, KONGO,
THE LADY OF YOUR DREAMS
HAS BEEN TAKEN
INTO THE JEWELRY STORE,
SO YOU SMASH IT OPEN.
AND...ACTION!
NO MORE MONKEYSHINES,
TUSKERNINNI.
AND NOW, KONGO,
THE INFIDELS
WHO STOLE YOUR
LADY LOVE FROM YOU.
YOU ARE FURIOUS.
[GRRR]
YOU GRAB THEM.
AND YOU HURL THEM
INTO NEXT
WEDNESDAY NIGHT--
7:37 P.M.
AAH!
AAH!
[CRASH]
WHEN I SAID TAKE FIVE,
I DIDN'T MEAN
FIVE BANANA TREES.
[GRUMBLE GRUMBLE]
IF YOU
DON'T GET IN LINE,
YOU'LL NEVER WORK
IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.
I KNOW I'M GOING
TO HATE MYSELF
TOMORROW, BUT--
HEY!
YOU STEPPED IN SOMETHING!
[HUH]
[GRRR]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M WATCHING
THIS DUMB CARTOON
WHEN THE MAIN CHARACTER
DISAPPEARS AND--OH!
IT'S KONGO IN PERSON.
GOSALYN, NO!
HEY, KONGO, CAN I
HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
OH! THIS IS
TOO HIP BY FAR.
WAIT TILL MY SCHOOL
COUNSELOR HEARS THIS ONE.
OOH! HEY, NOW!
WATCH IT, KONGO.
YOU DON'T WANT TO--
HELP!
I'M BEING KIDNAPPED
BY A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!
HEY, SOMEBODY!
HELP ME!
DARKWING DUCK!
TUSKERNINNI,
IT'S TIME TO PAY BACK
THAT FAVOR YOU OWE ME.
SOMETHING TELLS ME
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HELP.
I AM GOING TO
HELP YOU...
OUT OF THE PICTURE
PERMANENTLY!
YOU, MY FRIENDS, WHO
HAVE BEEN VANQUISHED
IN SO MANY FILMS,
WHO WOULD
LIKE THE CHANCE
TO DO AWAY
WITH THE HERO?
HOW DID THE SNAKE-EYED KID
LOSE IN THE MOVIES?
IT WAS BONANZA BOB,
THE LAWMAN.
SNAKE-EYE,
I'M TAKIN' YOU IN.
AAH!
HAIL, GREAT MONGO!
THE INVADER IS YOURS.
AND MONGO?
SORRY, I NEVER
SAW THAT ONE.
LORD ZAP OF PLANET
ZEBTON BEAT HIM!
LORD ZAP IS
HIS NEPHEW-IN-LAW,
HE CAN CONTROL
MONGO'S THOUGHTS!
I GOT YOU
OUT OF THAT MOVIE!
I SAW IT
THREE TIMES BEFORE.
YOUR EONS OF RULING
THE GALAXY ARE OVER.
I, YOUR RELATIVE, LORD ZAP,
AM HERE TO DEFEAT YOU.
AAH! NOT THE DREADED
ZEBTON MIND-MELD.
[HUMSROCKABYE, BABY]
NO! NO!
♪ LA TA TA
DA DA DA DA ♪♪
[SNORING]
ZOMBIE!
OK, MISS GOREMONGER!
WHO'S THE HERO
IN THIS PICTURE?
SOUTH DAKOTA SMITH!
NOW WHAT?
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE THE ZOMBIE WINS!
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
GRRR! GRRR!
GRRR! GRRR!
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
[WHISTLES]
HIYA, P-P-PAL.
[CHAIN SAW REVS UP]
OW!
[GRRR]
HA! THAT BIG MONKEY
WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM.
[GRRR]
[GRRR]
RELEASE THE CABLE,
LAUNCHPAD!
[GRRR]
CUT THE CABLE!
CUT THE CABLE ALREADY!
[GRRR]
JUST LIKE
IN THE MOVIES.
PLANES HAVE
NO AFFECT ON HIM.
MOVIES? MOVIES!
OF COURSE!
[SNAPS FINGERS]
YOU THERE, THE APE.
ME?
DO YOU SEE ANY
OTHER APES UP THERE?
IN THIS SCENE,
YOU DROP THE GIRL...
NO! CUT!
STUNT DOUBLE!
STUNT--
DOUBLE!
YOU COULD HAVE
GOTTEN ME KILLED.
THE HEROINE ALWAYS
SURVIVES IN THESE PICTURES.
DESPERATE AND WEAK,
YOU BEGIN TO
LOSE YOUR GRIP.
THEN...YOU FALL.
NO! LET'S CHANGE THAT!
YOU DON'T FALL!
CUT! PRINT!
THAT'S A WRAP.
NOT QUITE.
YOUR FINAL SCENE
HAS YET TO BE PLAYED.
I COULD LEARN
TO HATE MOVIES.
REVERSE THE CHARGE
ON HIS GUN
LIKE THEY DID IN
FANGMAN FROM FARGO.
YOU WEREN'T
SUPPOSED TO WATCH THAT.
THE ACT THREE FINALE
IS FINALLY HERE.
I'M NOT THROUGH YET,
TUSKERNINNI.
ACTION!
YEOW!
NOW THAT IS A WRAP.
OH! KONGO, JIMMY, RUN!
SURE I SHOULD BE
SEEING THIS?
IT'S KIND OF VIOLENT.
TRUE, BUT IT HAS
A VERY HAPPY ENDING.
HELP!
SOMEBODY!
ANYBODY!
GET ME OUT OF
THIS PICTURE!