Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 64 - Kung Fooled - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

[SIRENS]

[PANTING]

THAT DO-GOODER DUCK WILL
NEVER FIND ME HERE.

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT,

A SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN

THAT INTERRUPTS
YOUR FAVORITE SHOW.

I AM DARKWING--

KEEN GEAR, A REAL
SUPERVILLAIN.

LET'S SQUISH HIM.

GOSALYN, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE HOME
STUDYING GEOGRAPHY.

THIS IS MUCH
MORE EDUCATIONAL.

I'LL DEAL
WITH YOU LATER.

RIGHT NOW,
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.

MOLIARTY, YOU'RE CORNERED
LIKE THE RAT YOU ARE.

WRONG RODENT, DUCK.

A RAT COULD
NEVER DO THIS.

DIG STRAIGHT THROUGH
THE PLANET IF YOU WANT.

YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE
THE MIDNIGHT MALLARD.

I DITCHED HIM.

HE REALLY DID DIG
STRAIGHT THROUGH
THE PLANET.

YOU'RE RIGHT,
LAUNCHPAD.

THIS IS
KUNG PAO CITY.

I TOLD YOU
THIS WAS EDUCATIONAL.

I'M LEARNING
ABOUT GEOGRAPHY ALREADY.

HE'S GETTIN'
AWAY, D.W.

FEAR NOT,
FAITHFUL SIDEKICK.

DARKWING DUCK
HAS THE SITUATION...

WELL IN HAND.

WOOPSY.

YAAHH!

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

WHOA! WHOA! GAK!

ONCE AGAIN,
THE DAUNTLESS
DARKWING DUCK

DEFTLY DEFEATS
THE DEMON'S
DEVIOUS, UH, UH...

DEVILTRY.

DEVILTRY.

DON'T YOU KNOW SOMEBODY
IN KUNG PAO?

MY OLD
QUACK FU INSTRUCTOR,
GOOSE LEE.

I STUDIED WITH HIM
LONGER THAN ANYONE.

AND YOU STILL
NEVER EARNED
YOUR BLACK BELT.

D.W. COULD NEVER GET
ONE MOVE RIGHT--

JUST NEVER MIND.

WE'LL SURPRISE
OLD MASTER LEE.

HE'LL BE IMPRESSED

THAT GRUBWORM
IS NOW THE MIGHTY
MASKED MALLARD.

GRUBWORM?
GRUBWORM?

A PET NAME.

HE USED IT WITH
THE UTMOST RESPECT.

[GOSALYN]
UH-HUH. RIGHT.

O.K., SO HE DIDN'T
RESPECT ME.

SO I ONLY STARTED
FIGHTING CRIME

TO WIN HIS APPROVAL.

ANYTHING
WRONG WITH THAT?

OH, GOLLY-GOSH NO,
DAD.

I'LL MAKE HIM
RESPECT ME

IF I HAVE TO BREAK
EVERY BONE IN MY BODY.

I'LL SHOW MASTER LEE

THAT I'VE PERFECTED
ALL THE FIGHTING
TECHNIQUES HE TAUGHT ME--

THE WEB KICK...

THE DREADED
NOSTRIL FLIP...

AND, OF COURSE,

THE UNSTOPPABLY SAVAGE
BELLY BOUNCE.

WHOA! WHOA!

UH, LEMME GUESS.

YOU COULDN'T GET
THE BELLY BOUNCE RIGHT.

CORRECT.

I HOPE MASTER LEE

WON'T BE OFFENDED
BY MY DASHING
CRIMEFIGHTER'S ATTIRE.

HE TOOK A VOW
OF POVERTY.

LIVES IN
A HUMBLE SHACK.

WOW! I WISH WE LIVED
IN A HUMBLE SHACK.

THAT'S GOOSE LEE?

MORTY, BABY, WAIT'LL
YA SEE MY NEXT VIDEO--

THE QUACK FU DIET--
FIGHT FAT WITH YOUR FEET.

CIAO, BABES.
LET'S DO DIM SUM.

SO, GRUBWORM,
YOU RETURN AT LAST.

UM...AHEM.

I HAVE READ
OF YOUR ADVENTURES.

YOU'VE TURNED OUT TO BE
MASTER LEE'S GREATEST...

WHAT'S THE WORD?

PUPIL? DISCIPLE?

DISAPPOINTMENT.

YOU HAVE ABANDONED
THE WAYS OF QUACK FU.

YOU USE
MACHINES, GAS GUN,
JET PLANE, MOTORCYCLE.

AND YOU HAVE
NEVER MASTERED
THE BELLY BOUNCE.

SO, I'VE ABANDONED
THE WAYS OF QUACK FU, HUH?

WHAT ABOUT YOU,
MR. QUACK FU DIET?

ONE DAY
MASTER LEE AWOKE
TO A GREAT REVELATION.

IF HE UTILIZED
MASS MARKETING STRATEGY,

HE COULD GUIDE
MORE STUDENTS

ALONG THE TRUE PATH
OF QUACK FU.

SUDDENLY,
I'M ROLLING IN DOUGH.

BOOKS, VIDEO,
ACTION FIGURES.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

BUT HUMBLE
MASTER LEE

HAS AN EVEN
GREATER DREAM.

THIS, MY FRIENDS,

IS THAT DREAM.

BEHOLD, NINJA LAND.

MILLIONS WILL COME
AND LEARN

THE TRUE PATH
TO ENLIGHTENMENT.

DO YOU STILL THINK

MASTER LEE HAS
ABANDONED QUACK FU?

NO. DID I SAY THAT?

WHAT I REALLY
MEANT TO SAY

WAS PLEASE TEACH ME.

PUT ME BACK
ON THE TRUE PATH.

YES.

NOW, STOP BLUBBERING
ON MY ROBE.

IT'S SILK.

THANK YOU. I WON'T
LET YOU DOWN.

I MUST SHOOT
AN ADVERTISEMENT

FOR MY
LATEST VIDEO--

QUICK QUACK FU
WITH MASTER LEE'S
HONEYS.

I WILL FILM
YOUR TRAINING
FOR THE COMMERCIAL.

I'M A CONSUMMATE ACTOR.

YOU'RE STROLLING
THROUGH THE PARK
WITH A DATE

WHEN SUDDENLY,
NINJA ATTACK.

HOW CAN YOU
PROTECT YOUR WEAK
AND HELPLESS DATE?

HI-YAH!
HI-YAH!

SHE PROTECTED
HER WEAK AND HELPLESS DATE

USING THE ANCIENT ART
OF QUACK FU.

MASTER LEE CAN TEACH
THESE TECHNIQUES
TO ANYONE,

EVEN A FLABBY WIMP
LIKE THIS.

ISN'T THIS
GREAT, GOS?

D.W.'S IN A REAL
TV COMMERCIAL.

GOLLY GEE,
SURE IS EXCITING.

ABOUT AS EXCITING
AS WATCHING
GROUT MILDEW.

TELL DAD
I'M GOING TO SEE

THE CULTURAL HIGHLIGHTS
OF KUNG PAO CITY,

LIKE THE VIDEO ARCADE.

WITH MY TRAINING,

THIS POOR SLOB

WILL BECOME
A MIGHTY BALL OF
MARTIAL ARTS FURY.

HE'LL BE ABLE
TO EMPLOY MOVES

LIKE
THE EYELID TWIST...

THE NAVEL SPIN...

B-B-B-BA!

AND THE MOST
DEVASTATING
MOVE OF ALL...

NOT THE BELLY BOUNCE.

THE BELLY BOUNCE.

MASTER LEE
WILL TEACH YOU ALL THIS

INQUICK QUACK FU WITH
MASTER LEE'S HONEYS.

SO ORDER NOW.

CUT!

SO HOW DID I DO,
MASTER LEE?

ADEQUATELY,
GRUBWORM.

NOW LET'S TRY IT
WITH FILM
IN THE CAMERA.

THERE'S GOTTA BE
A VIDEO ARCADE

SOMEWHERE
IN THIS CITY.

I NEED ACTION.

[GOSALYN]
NOT THAT MUCH ACTION!

UH-OH.

O.K., YOU
PAJAMA-WEARIN' YAHOOS,

TAKE YOUR BEST--

OOF!
OOF!

THANKS, PAL.

YOU SAVED MY--[GASP]

HONKER?

I SAVED
YOUR HONKER?

NO. YOU LOOK LIKE...
NEVER MIND.

I'M GOSALYN MALLARD.

THANKS FOR
RESCUING ME.

I'M DUK LING.

AND WE'RE NOT
OUT OF THE WOODS YET.

WHOA!
WHOA!

I DISAPPROVE
OF THIS MACHINE.

THE LONGER
GOSALYN STAYS
AT A VIDEO ARCADE,

THE SOONER I GO
TO THE POORHOUSE.

HELP! THEY'RE STEALING
THE DRAGON'S HORN!

HELP!

[MAN]
HELP!

SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE.

MAYHEM
AT THE MUSEUM.

IF THIS DOESN'T
IMPRESS MASTER LEE,

NOTHING WILL.

SUCK GAS,
YOU NINJA NINCOMPOOPS.

WHAT WAS
THE FIRST THING
I TAUGHT YOU?

A QUACK FU WARRIOR
NEEDS ONLY HIMSELF?

O.K. STAND BACK.

YOU DON'T WANT NINJA
SPLATTERED ALL OVER YOU.

PREPARE TO FACE
DARKWING DUCK'S
FEARSOME FISTS OF FURY.

FIRST, THE BEAK BASH.
HI-YAH!

THEN THE TOE TWISTER.

HI-YO!

AND FINALLY,
THE DOUBLE WEB-KICK.

GRUBWORM, USE
THE BELLY BOUNCE.

I CAN'T DO
THE BELLY BOUNCE.

BESIDES, THESE GUYS
ARE BATTERED,

BAMBOOZLED,
AND BEATEN.

THEY'RE COMPLETELY--

HELPLESS.

THE SECOND THING
I TAUGHT YOU?

NEVER TURN YOUR BACK
ON A NINJA.

TO REDEEM YOURSELF,
OVERCOME YOUR
FOOLISHNESS.

GRUBWORM,
YOU MUST UNDERGO
THE QUACK TAO.

THE QUACK TAO?
THE QUACK TAO?

WHAT'S THE
QUACK TAO AGAIN?

WHO ARE THESE
NINJA BOZOS ANYWAY?

WHY ARE THEY AFTER US?

THE NINJAS HAVE
BEEN TERRORIZING
MY NEIGHBORHOOD,

TRYING TO CHASE
EVERYONE OUT.

SOME BIG DEVELOPER
WANTS THE LAND.

[DUK LING]
WHAT'LL WE DO?

UM...

AH,
FORGET THE KIDS.

COME ON, DUK LING.

THESE GUYS
MUST BE PART

OF AN INTERNATIONAL RING
OF CRIMINAL ALIEN
NINJA ZOMBIE SPIES.

THIS LOOKS
LIKE A JOB
FOR GOSALYN MALLARD,

CRIMEBUSTER!

FELLOW FOLLOWERS
OF THE MASTER,

OUR WORK
IS NEARLY DONE.

WE HAVE OBTAINED...

THE SACRED HORN!

WE'LL FIND THE ANCIENT
DRAGON OF KUNG PAO

AND PUT THE HORN IN PLACE,

BRINGING THE GREAT DRAGON...
TO LIFE!

ANYONE WHO STANDS
IN OUR WAY...

ANYONE WHO STANDS
IN OUR WAY...

UH...
WELL...
UH...

SHALL DIE.

SHALL DIE!
SHALL DIE!

THE LEGENDARY ANCIENT
DRAGON OF KUNG PAO.

THIS STUFF
IS FOR REAL?

WE JUST MIGHT NEED
A TEENSY BIT OF HELP

ON THIS ONE.

LET'S VAMOOSE.

UH...GIRL SCOUT
COOKIES, ANYONE?

[GULP]

DUK LING, HELP!

DUK LING!

[GOSALYN]
DUK LING, YOU COWARD,
COME BACK!

THAT SPINELESS CHICKEN!

THAT WIMP!

HE OUGHTTA CHANGE HIS NAME
TOWEAK LING.

I'M GONNA WRING HIS--

I THOUGHT
YOU WERE A WIMP.

YOU KICK DOWN
IRON DOORS.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
FIGHT THOSE NINJAS?

I DID NOT WANT
TO HURT ANYONE.

IF THEY BRING
THAT DRAGON BACK,

PEOPLE WILL GET HURT.

WE GOTTA TELL DARKWING.

DARKWING WHO?

[MASTER LEE]
REMEMBER GRUBWORM,

THE BELLY BOUNCE
ENSURES SUCCESS

IN ANY SITUATION.

OBSERVE.

HAH! BOARDS
DON'T HIT BACK.

OF COURSE,
I COULD BE WRONG.

AND NOW
THE QUACK TAO!

HEY! HEY!

[MASTER LEE]
NOW YOU LIVE OR DIE

WITH NOTHING TO SAVE YOU
BUT YOUR BELLY.

[DARKWING]
HEY! STOP ALL THIS!

IT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!

DARKWING!

DARKWING!

I'M LEARNING
THE BELLY BOUNCE,

TO RETRIEVE
THE DRAGON'S HORN.

BUT WE'VE SEEN THE HORN!

[WHISTLES]

HOLD IT, GUYS.

YOU'VE SEEN THE HORN?

ALL THESE NINJAS...

ARE BRINGING
TO LIFE...

THIS GIANT DRAGON...

[DUK LING]
IN THE JUNGLE.

AN OLD WIVES'
TALE.

THERE'S
NO SUCH DRAGON.

I'VE SEEN IT.
A DRAGON STATUE
IN THE JUNGLE.

WE MUST STOP THEM.

JUST TO PROVE
THIS IS NONSENSE,

WE WILL
GO SEE THIS DRAGON.

[DARKWING]
I MAY HAVE TROUBLE
WITH THE BELLY BOUNCE,

BUT AT SLEUTHING,

NO ONE BEATS ST. CANARD'S
CRAFTY CAPED CRIME-CRUSHER!

NO MINUTE DETAIL
ESCAPES THE TRAINED EYE

OF DARKWING DU--

OW!

THE DRAGON!

[MASTER LEE]
THE LEGEND IS TRUE.

THE ANCIENT DRAGON
EXISTS.

WHAT NOW?

LET'S BLOW IT UP.

THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION
TO EVERYTHING.

IT WORKS
ON CLOGGED SINKS.

AS THE PROVERB SAYS,

"WHEN MONKEY
AND SQUIRREL ARGUE,
LION WINS."

WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

THE GAME'S OVER.

WITH THE DRAGON,

I'LL CHASE EVERYONE
OFF THAT PROPERTY

AND START BUILDING
NINJA LAND.

YOU'RE THE ONE SCARING US
OUT OF OUR NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND I LED YOU
TO THE DRAGON. RATS!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

MASTER LEE--
A COMMON CRIMINAL.

YOU'LL BE MY PARTNER,
MY HEIR.

WHADDAYA SAY?

I SAY...

SUCK GAS!

[COUGHING]

YOUR LOSS, GRUBWORM.

GET 'EM, BOYS!

NO MORE MR. NICE DUCK!

HI-YAAAAH!

[DUK LING]
SORRY. I HOPE
THAT DIDN'T HURT.

MY APOLOGIES.

I'M NOT
USUALLY LIKE THIS.

EXCUSE ME.

WAY TO GO, DUK LING!

D.W., THE DRAGON!

I'VE DONE IT!

THE DRAGON'S MINE!

NOTHING
CAN STOP ME NOW!

NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!

OH, GREAT
ANCIENT DRAGON,

YOU ARE MINE
TO COMMAND.

LET ME HEAR
YOUR FEARSOME ROAR!

AH!

GOO GOO GA GA!

HUH?

HEY, IT'S JUST A BABY.

IT'S
2,000 YEARS OLD.

MAYBE FOR DRAGONS
THAT'S YOUNG.

TOYS!

NO, YOU IDIOT!
FORGET THEM.

TAKE ME
TO KUNG PAO CITY.
DO WHAT I SAY!

NOBODY PANIC.
DARKWING DUCK'S ON THE JOB.

O.K. NOW YOU CAN PANIC.

TOYS!

WANNA PWAY!

AAH!
AAH!

[DARKWING]
AVALANCHE!

IN HERE!

[DRAGON SNIFFING]

TOYS?

HA HA HA!

TOYS!

UH, EVERYONE O.K.?

I'M O.K., D.W.,

ASIDE FROM BEING
DOOMED TO DEATH.

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

I WANTED TO SPREAD
QUACK FU WISDOM.

DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.

I'LL DO IT!

WE TRUSTED YOU,

AND YOU SET
A GIANT MONSTER LOOSE.

YOU'RE SOME PAL.

NO TIME
FOR RECRIMINATIONS.

TIME TO DIG.

[DRAGON GURGLES]

WANNA PWAY!

AH!

TOYS!

ROWAH SKATES!

OOH!

CHOO-CHOO!

WHOO!

TWAIN WIDE!

CHOO-CHOO BWOKEN!

TOY BOAT!

TOY BOAT!

THE DRAGON'S
BEEN THROUGH HERE.

AMAZING DEDUCTION,
LAUNCHPAD.

DEVISE A PLAN,
GRUBWORM.

I'VE WAITED YEARS
TO SAY THIS--

QUIT CALLING ME
GRUBWORM!

I HATE IT!

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

[DARKWING]
AND WE'LL HANDLE
THIS DRAGON MY WAY.

OH, DRAGGIE-POO!

LOOKIE WHAT
UNCA DARKWING'S
GOT YOU.

ICE CWEAM!

ICE CWEAM!

NOW!

OOPS!

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

DARKWING DUCK SCORES
ANOTHER SMASH SUCCESS.

FAW DOWN AN' GO BOOM!

DARKWING, MY SON,
SPEAK TO ME.

WATTLE!

YAAHH!

HE CALLED ME S-S-SON.

OOH, WATTLE! WATTLE!

HA HA HA!

D.W., THE DRAGON
TOOK MASTER LEE.

HE CALLED ME...SON!

O.K., DRAGON...

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE BUBBLE GUM
THAT STICKS IN YOUR HAIR.

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

PERHAPS I OVERDID
THE TERROR THING.

TUH-ROUBLE!

THAT WAS THE FINEST
BELLY BOUNCE I'VE EVER SEEN.

NOW I CAN
CALL YOU A TRUE WARRIOR.

YOU BETTER CALL ME
A DOCTOR INSTEAD.

WELL, D.W., YOU GOT
YOUR QUACK FU BLACK BELT,

MASTER LEE GOT NINJA LAND,

AND THE DRAGON GOT
WHAT HE WANTED--

TO PLAY ALL DAY LONG.

AND MASTER LEE TAUGHT ME
ABOUT MARKETING STRATEGY.

I'LL PRODUCE
HALF-HOUR VIDEOS--

SELF-DEFENSE
THE DARKWING WAY.

YEAH, RIGHT, DAD.

WHO'D WANNA
SIT AND WATCH YOU

FOR HALF AN HOUR?