Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 58 - Whirled History - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

THE GOLDEN ORB
OF YTTERBIUM!

ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL QUEST
BY...

ASTRODUCK! PRINCE OF SPACE!

[OVERLORD]
NOT SO FAST!

BY THE PLANETS!

MY ARCH-ENEMY,
THE COSMIC OVERLORD!

THIS NEUTRON-DISASSEMBLER
SAYS THE ORB IS MINE!

MY PLASMA PISTOL
WILL END YOUR VILLAINY!

[GOSALYN]
USE YOUR ROCKET-SKIS,
ASTRODUCK!

YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT ON!

BOY, HONK! YOUR FOLKS
ARE THE BEST BABYSITTERS.

ASTRODUCK'S ABOUT TO BLAST
THE COSMIC OVERLORD!

IT'S NO TIME
TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

ACTUALLY, THIS IS
YOUR HOMEWORK,
GOSALYN.

THEN GET BACK TO WORK!

I SAID I'D HELP
WITH YOUR PAPER,
NOT WRITE IT.

I WROTE THE TITLE.

THE GREAT EXPLORERS
OF HISTORY

BY GOSALYN MALLARD.

COOL, HUH?

AAA! DAD!

NO MORE TV FOR YOU.

WRITE YOUR PAPER.

BUT, DAD!
HISTORY'S SO BORING!

IT'S JUST
A BUNCHA STUPID
DATES AND JUNK!

WRONG-O, YOUNG LADY!
HISTORY IS THE FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE!

NOW COME WITH...ME!

WHOAAAA!

HISTORY IS THE FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE!

[YAWN]

MORE LIKE THE FOUNTAIN
OF BOREDOM.

[SNORING]

HEY!

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

WHOAAAAH!

YAAA-AAAHH!

YAAAHH!

WHOAF!

ASTRODUCK!

YOU LOOK DIFFERENT
THAN YOU DO ON TV!

A FLYING BOOK!

I COULD USE THAT
ON MYQUEST...

FOR THE FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE!

CARE TO JOIN ME?

THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE?
YOU BET!

I'D NEVER HAVE
TO STUDY AGAIN!

THEN...
ONWARD TO GLORY!

HEY, WAIT UP!

HOW DO YOU STEER THIS THING?

WHOA-OA-OA!

YAAHH!
YAAHH!

OOF!
OOF!

MY ROCKET-SKIES--
BROKEN!

AND THE WARRANTY
JUST RAN OUT.

COOL!

WE'VE GOT TO LOOK
FOR THE FOUNTAIN!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO ASK DIRECTIONS!

[CRASH]

AT LAST! I'VE FOUND
THE SHORTCUT TO ICELAND!

I'LL ASK THAT VIKING
IF HE KNOWS WHERE--

VIKING?

HEY, WHEREARE WE,
ANYWAY?

ACCORDING TO MY UNIVERSAL
TRAVEL COMPU-GUIDE,

WE'RE SOMEWHERE
IN YOUR PLANET'S HISTORY!

HELP ME WITH THIS BOOK!

WE'VE GOT A FOUNTAIN
TO FIND!

WE'RE INHISTORY?!

WHEREELSE WOULD A FLYING
HISTORY BOOK TAKE YOU?

SEE? IT'S OPEN TO
THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA!

SO THAT MUST BE
THE GREAT VIKING EXPLORER,

LEIF ERIKSSON!

YO, LEIF!
WELCOME TO AMERICA!

ANY IDEA WHERE THE
FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE IS?

NOT REALLY. I--

WAIT A SECOND...
THIS ISN'T ICELAND?

TERRIFIC!
THAT'S WHAT I GET

FOR FOLLOWING
MYSIDEKICK'S DIRECTIONS!

I MUSTA HAD THE MAP
UPSIDE-DOWN.

LEIF ERIKSSON
HAD A SIDEKICK?

THAT'S NOT IN
THE HISTORY BOOKS!

COME ON, GOSALYN!
LET'S GO LOOK
FOR THE FOUNTAIN!

LET'S JUSTASK
WHERE IT IS.

HEY! MAYBE
THOSEINDIANS KNOW!

LOOK, DEAR.
WE'RE BEING DISCOVERED!

HOW DO I LOOK?

IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOUS GOT HERE!

WE'VE BEEN BARBECUIN'
FOR MANY MOONS!

WHO WANTS
A BUFFALO BURGER?

[CRASH]

PLEASE WORK
ON YOUR LANDINGS.

NONETHELESS,

I, CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS,

HAVE FOUND
THE SHORTCUT TO INDIA!

I CLAIM THIS INDIA

IN THE NAME OF SPAIN!

I ARRIVED FIRST!
IT'S AMERICA,
NOT INDIA.

OH, YEAH?

THEN WHY ARE THERE
INDIANS HERE?

LOOK, I WAS HERE FIRST!

NO, I WAS.

NO, YOU WEREN'T.

YOU WEREN'T!
YES, I WAS!

GUYS, PLEASE.

YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE BABIES.

I WAS HERE
BEFORE YOU BOTH.

SHE WANTS TO STEAL
OUR CREDIT.

LET'S GET HER!

BADMINTON!

MY FAVORITE!

FUNNY LOOKIN'
RACKET, THOUGH.

GIMME THAT!

DON'T LEAVE!
I'LL GET THE NET.

ONE BADMINTON NET
COMIN' UP!

OHH!
OHH!

OOF!

A MINOR SETBACK.

YOU CAN'T TACKLE
IN BADMINTON.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
THE FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE IS?

NOT PRE-ZACTLY.

AN ANCIENT LEGEND
SAYS THE FOUNTAIN IS...

FAR AWAY FROM HERE.

I'LL CHECK
THE UNIVERSAL
COMPU-TRAVEL GUIDE.

AS FAR AS YOU CAN GET
FROM AMERICA? HMM...

CHINA!
CHINA!

HOW DOES THIS BOOK WORK?

JUST TURN TO A PAGE
ABOUT CHINA.

HERE IT IS!
CHINA! LET'S GO!

THANKS FOR THE TIP!

ONWARD TO CHINA...

AND TO GLORY!

YEEEE-HAAHH!

[SNORING]

ASTRODUCK, LOOK OUT.

[SNORING]

THE LIFE
OF A CRIMEFIGHTER

IS NEVER EASY,

ESPECIALLY WHEN HIS CAPE'S
USED TO WAX THE CAR.

[GASPS]
OH, NO!

GOSALYN'S
SLEEPWALKING AGAIN!

NYAAHH!

[HORN HONKS]

[HORN HONKS]

HANG ON, GOSALYN!

I ALWAYS GET MY MAN...
DAUGHTER...

WHATEVER.

UH-OH!

OHH!

AAH!

HEY! QUIET!

I'M TRYING TO GET
MY BEAUTY SLEEP!

OOH, DARKWING AGAIN!

WILL HE HAUNT ME
TO THE END
OF MY DAYS?

GOSALYN!

LOOK OUT!

GOSALYN!

GOSALYN!

GOSALYN!

GOSALYN!

WE'RE FALLING!

I KNOW, BUT I CAN'T
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

YAAHH!
YAAHH!

UM...

HMM...

WE'RE IN THE IMPERIAL
CHINESE PALACE.

THEY MUST BE
THE EMPEROR AND EMPRESS.

AND THAT MUST BE
MARCO POLO.

WOW!

WE'RE TRAVELING
THROUGH HISTORY!

WHO'D THINK
A SCHOOL BOOK
COULD BE COOL?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

MORE VISITORS AND STUFF.

OH, GOODY,
EMPEROR HERB!

YOU FRY
MOO GOO GAI BURGERS,

I'LL SET
THE GOOD CHINA.

MARCO POLO...
HE DISCOVERED FRANCE, RIGHT?

OOOO! NO!

HE SPENT 20 YEARS
EXPLORING THE ORIENT!

THEN HE'LL KNOW
IF THE FOUNTAIN'S HERE!

IS THERE A FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE HERE?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

ALL I'VE FOUND
IS JUNK!

COAL, TEA, SPICES!

HALF MY LIFE WASTED!
I'M A FAILURE!

LOOK AT ALL THIS COOL STUFF!

HEY, FIREWORKS!

WELL, KNOCK
YOURSELF OUT.

KEEN GEAR!

MY SIDEKICK'S
GOT MORE JUNK IN THE CART.

UH, WHAT CART?

BY THE PLANETS, LOOK!

THE COSMIC OVERLORD!

ASTRODUCK!

WHAT A DELIGHTFUL
SURPRISE!

CROSS THE GALAXY
TO STEAL SOME ARTIFACTS,

AND I GET
MY ARCH-ENEMY.

WELL, KIDS, SAY HELLO
TO MY NEUTRON-DISASSEMBLER

AND GOODBYE TO BREATHING!

DISINTEGRATION'S
TOO GOOD FOR YOU.

JUST SIT TIGHT
WHILE I DREAM UP
SOMETHING REALLY...

ICKY!

FEAR NOT.

MY VIBROBLASTER WILL...

SAVE US.

AT LEAST HE DIDN'T
SET OFF YOUR FIREWORKS!

FIREWORKS! THAT'S IT!

WHO'S GOT A MATCH?

I COULD FEED 'EM
TO THE GIANT SLUGS?

DROWN 'EM IN SOY SAUCE?

MAKE 'EM WATCH GAME SHOWS?

[SNIFF SNIFF]

BURN 'EM AT--
WHAT'S BURNING?

YAAHH!

YEOW!

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE OVERLORD?

AHA! VIRTUE
TRIUMPHS ONCE MORE!

LISTEN, THANK YINS

FOR SAVIN' MY
IMPERIAL HIDE AND STUFF.

WHAT CAN I DO?

WHERE'S THE FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE?

WELL,
I DUNNO EXACTLY,

BUT AN ANCIENT
CHINESE LEGEND

SAYS IT'S IN AFRICA!

AFRICA COMIN' RIGHT UP!

I CLAIM THIS INDIA
IN THE NAME OF SPAIN!

SORRY,
MISTER COLUMBUS,
BUT THIS IS CHINA!

MINOR SETBACK.

ABU DHABI,
AFGHANISTAN,

AFRICA!
COME ON, GOSALYN.

ONWARD TO AFRICA
AND TO GLORY!

WHY'S IT SHAKING
LIKE THIS?

IT NEVER DID THIS BEFORE.

STOP! STOP!

YIKE!

UH-OH.

TOODLES!

OOO, BOY!

I'LL GRAB THAT GIRL
HE WAS SAVING

AND GET DARKWING DO-GOODER
TO FOLLOW HER INTO MY TRAP.

BIZARRO!

LIGHTNING FROM NOWHERE!

YAAHH!
YAAHH!

HEY! BUZZ OFF!

PESKY LIONS AND TIGERS!
ALWAYS UNDERFOOT!

COME ON, TRUSTY SIDEKICK.

WE'VE GOT TO FIND
DOCTOR LIVINGSTONE.

WHERE CAN WE FIND
THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE?

WE CAN'T EVEN FIND
THIS LIVINGSTONE.

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR MONTHS.

WE COULD'VE FOUND HIM.

WE LIKE THE SCENERY.

[HUMMINGSABRE DANCE]

DOCTOR LIVINGSTONE,
I PRESUME?

YOU GOT IT, SPUD!

I HATE TO SPOIL THIS
GREAT MOMENT IN HISTORY,

BUT WHERE'S THE FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE?

I DON'T KNOW
PRE-ZACTLY, BUT--

DON'T TELL ME.

THERE'S AN ANCIENT
AFRICAN LEGEND.

YOU GOT IT!

IT SAYS THE FOUNTAIN'S
BEYOND THE LAND OF ICE.

LAND OF ICE?

LAND OF ICE.
LAND OF ICE.

ICELAND! AND BEYOND
ICELAND IS...ICELAND.

AND BEYOND ICELAND
IS THE...

NORTH POLE!

YEP, I READ THAT
IN SCHOOL.

LET'S HIT IT, ASTRODUCK!

SURPRISE!

I'LL FIND THE FOUNTAIN
OF KNOWLEDGE MYSELF.

WITH IT,
I'LL RULE THE UNIVERSE!

AS FOR YOU TWO,

IT'LL TAKE SOMETHING BIG
TO SAVE YOU NOW.

AAH!

[OVERLORD]
I GUESS THAT'S BIG ENOUGH.

I CLAIM THIS INDIA
IN THE NAME OF SPAIN!

PICK UP THE CLUE PHONE.
THIS IS AFRICA.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
SO SMUG ABOUT IT.

THAT WAS THE WRONG
OFFRAMP.

LET'S FIND THE FOUNTAIN
BEFORE THE GRUMP WAKES UP.

ONWARD
TO THE NORTH POLE

AND TO GLO--
WHOA-OA!

I COULD RECOMMEND
A FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR.

[WOOF WOOF WOOF]

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
THE NORTH POLE IS?

NATURALLY!

I'M ROBERT PEARY,
EXPLORER EXTRAORDINAIRE!

SIDEKICK, WHICH WAY
TO THE NORTH POLE?

IT'S JUST A GUESS,

BUT I'D SAY
OVER THAT HILL.

SANTA'S WORKSHOP?

HO, HO, HO!

HELLO, BOYS AND GIRL.

YOU'RE JUST IN TIME
FOR SOME NICE HOT COCOA.

COME ALONG! COME ALONG!

THAT'S THE THIRD TIME
THIS WEEK

I'VE FALLEN FOR THAT

"DISGUISE YOURSELF
AS SANTA CLAUS" TRICK.

THE ULTIMATE DARKWING TRAP!

NOW TO SET THE BAIT.

GOSALYN!

GOSALYN, WAIT!

DON'T WORRY.
SHE'LL BE FINE.

SHE'S NOT THE ONE
I'M SQUISHING
INTO DISGUSTING MUSH.

SEE YA LATER.

SORRY I HAVE
TO LEAVE YOU.

I CAN TELL YOU'RE CRUSHED!

OKAY, FINE. MINOR SETBACK.

NOW FOLLOW MY LEAD.

WHEW! IF I WERE ANY TALLER,

THAT WOULD'VE BEEN UGLY.

YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

OKAY, MAYBE I SAID
YOU COULD ESCAPE ANY TRAP.

I DIDN'T THINK
HE'D TAKE US TO THE MOON.

I'D NEVER HURT YOU...

UNLESS YOU TRIED
TO GET AWAY.

HOWEVER, ACCORDING TO

YOUR UNIVERSAL
TRAVEL COMPU-GUIDE,

THE FIRST MEN
REACHING THE MOON

WILL ARRIVE
ANY SECOND NOW.

AND GUESS
WHERE THEY'RE LANDING?

WHY DID I AGREE
TO GO ON YOUR QUEST?

BECAUSE YOU
WANTED A SHORTCUT
TO STUDYING HISTORY.

OH, YEAH. RIGHT.

YOU'LL NEVER LEARN
THAT WAY!

I LEARNED SOMETHING
FROM ALL THOSE
GREAT EXPLORERS.

OH, YEAH?
WHAT MIGHT THAT BE?

NEVER LET A MINOR SETBACK
STOP YOU,

AND NOBODY LANDS
RIGHT WHERE THEY PLAN TO.

YAAHH-AK!

THAT'S ONE SMALL
STEP FOR MAN...

OH...

ONE BAD DAY
FOR THAT GUY.

I CLAIM THIS INDIA--

OH, GREAT.
DON'T TELL ME.

I KNEW
THIS WASN'T INDIA.

ESPECIALLY WITH THAT
BIG GLOWING FOUNTAIN
OVER THERE.

KEEN GEAR!
THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE.

ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL
QUEST BY ASTRODUCK,
PRINCE OF SPACE!

THIS NEUTRON-
DISASSEMBLER

SAYS THE FOUNTAIN
IS MINE!

I'M A MASTER
OF THE ATOMIC POCKET-KNIFE.

I AM A MASTER OF
THE ATOMIC BROADSWORD.

HAAII-YAAHH!
HAAII-YAAHH!

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S FAKE. JUST A CHEAP
SPECIAL EFFECT.

OF COURSE
IT'S A SPECIAL EFFECT.

WE'RE ONLY
CHARACTERS ON TV.

SHE THOUGHT
THE FOUNTAIN WOULD
MAKE HER SMART?

DO YOU KNOW HOW
I CAN GET HOME?

SIMPLE.

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS...

WAKE UP!
WAKE UP!

Ñ @@ÑÑ @@
WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

WHAT...WHERE...

WHOA! HOW'D WE GET HERE?

IT'S A LONG STORY.

RIGHT NOW WE'VE
GOTTA HELP D.W.

NO FAIR RUNNIN'.

STAND STILL AND FRY.

NO SWEAT. FINALLY
I CAN USE THIS BOOK.

OOPS. WRONG ONE.

HOW'S THE WATER,
CHUMP?

JUST FINE, SPARKY.

OH, NO!
I'LL SHORT-CIRCUIT!

AAH!

[GOSALYN]
GOOD GOIN', DAD.
YOU SAVED THE DAY!

THAT'S NOT ALL I SAVED.

MY HISTORY BOOK.

OH, GOODY.