Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 54 - The Darkwing Squad - full transcript
♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF
THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME
VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE
OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
ANOTHER FELON
POTTED BY DARKWING DUCK!
HYAH!
HEY, GUYS--
HAVE A BANANA.
NOTHING LIKE A SIDE ORDER
OF SCRAMBLED EGGMEN.
SO MUCH FOR FANCY SMANCY
TRICK, DARKWING.
OH, I'M NOT DONE
YET, STEELBEAK.
GRRRRR!
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.
THAT WILL BE
QUITE ENOUGH.
WELL, HE STARTED IT.
I'M SURE OUR LITTLE
DRAMATIZATION HAS
DEMONSTRATED
HOW DARKWING DUCK'S
UNIQUE METHODS
PUT OUR OWN SHUSH
PROCEDURES TO SHAME.
BUT, SIR, HE IS UNGROOMED,
UNDISCIPLINED,
AND UNPREDICTABLE.
DARKWING DUCK WAS
JUST LUCKY.
LUCK HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
I BESTED YOUR BOYS WITHOUT
MUSSING A FEATHER.
I'M AFRAID SHUSH HAS
BECOME MIRED IN ITS OWN
BUREAUCRATIC PAPERWORK.
AND SO, I'M ASSIGNING
THE RETRAINING OF
SHUSH'S BEST AGENTS
TO DARKWING DUCK.
BUT, SIR, OUR TOP AGENTS ARE
DIRECTLY UNDER MY COMMAND.
WE NEED NEW THINKING,
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF.
MY WORK! YOU SEE?
WHO ELSE WOULD THINK OF
DISGUISING HIMSELF
AS A BOWLING BALL OR WHATEVER?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
TRAINING OTHER AGENTS, J.
GANDER.
I'M KIND OF USED TO
WORKING O SOLO MIO,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
BUT WE NEED YOUR SPECIAL
BRAND OF GENIUS
IN THE INTEREST OF
WORLD PEACE.
GENIUS, HUH?
JUST THINK, THE AGENTS YOU
TRAIN WILL TRAIN OTHERS
AND THEY, STILL OTHERS.
YOU'LL BE A LEGEND, DARKWING.
A LEGEND? REALLY?
WELL, SINCE WORLD
PEACE IS AT STAKE...
JUST CALL ME
PROFESSOR.
SO, YOU PEOPLE ARE
SHUSH'S AGENTS, EH?
WE'LL SEE
ABOUT THAT!
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
RIGHT.
YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF
COFFEE THIS MORNING?
JUST RELAX.
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
DUMMY'S ALL SET, D.W.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE.
THIS IS STEELBEAK,
FOWL'S TOP AGENT.
WHEN I SAY GO, YOU HAVE 10
SECONDS TO RENDER YOUR
ADVERSARY HARMLESS.
ON YOU MARK,
GET SET, GO!
CALCULATE WIND
VELOCITY.
RESEARCH ALL DATA
FROM LAST 100 YEARS.
MEASURE OPPONENTS MUSCLE MASS TO
ASCERTAIN FORCE FACTOR.
CHECK AND RECHECK
STATISTICAL PLANNING
TACTICS.
TIME'S UP!
PEACHY.
WHAT IS THIS?
DEATH BY PAPER CUT?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
FLOG 'EM SENSELESS
WITH FILLER PAPER?
FILE 'EM INTO SUBMISSION IN
MY LOOSELEAF NOTEBOOK?
NO MORE PAPER WORK!
I WANT ACTION!
BUT, SIR, SHUSH PROCEDURE--
FORGET SHUSH PROCEDURE!
I'M TALKING DARKWING
DUCK PROCEDURE HERE.
WHICH IS NO PROCEDURE
AT ALL. GET IT?
JUST ATTACK! USE
YOUR OWN INSTINCTS!
TEAR 'EM LIMB FROM LIMB!
SHOW NO MERCY!
ANY QUESTIONS?
JUST DO AS I DO, OK?
HYAH!
GEE, SIR, WHAT IF THE SUBJECT
WAS WANTED FOR QUESTIONING?
THERE! NOW HE'S READY
FOR QUESTIONING.
AND SO, IN SUMMARY, MY
FLEDGLING FOLLOWERS,
DARING DO-GOODERS
NEED STYLE, PANACHE,
A FLAIR FOR THE
DRAMATIC.
IN SHORT, MI AMIGOS,
YOU NEED THESE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW ANXIOUS I AM
TO SEE THE RESULTS OF
DARKWING'S TRAINING
SESSIONS.
YES, AND I CAN't WAIT TO UNDO
ALL THE DAMAGE THAT HE HAS
INFLICTED UPON MY AGENTS!
(GUNFIRE)
WHY MUST THIS SO-CALLED
DEMONSTRATION BE HELD HERE?
SHUSH HEADQUARTERS
WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH
MORE APPROPRIATE.
NOW DON'T BE A FUDDY-DUDDY,
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF.
[ SCREAM ]
YOU SEE? THESE SURROUNDINGS
ADD AN ELEMENT OF REALISM
THAT I QUITE APPRECIATE.
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN
THE NIGHT.
I AM THE PRINCIPAL
YOU'RE SENT TO SEE.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL.
I MEAN IT.
YOU ARE RIGHT, SIR.
THE REALISM CERTAINLY
ADDS TO THE PROCEEDINGS.
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PRESENT
SOME HOT NEW TALENT,
DESTINED TO TURN
THIS TOWN AROUND.
LET'S PUT OUR HANDS
TOGETHER FOR...
THE DARKWING SQUAD.
HE IS THE BURRO THAT
KICKS IN THE NIGHT--
DARKWING DONKEY!
AND HERE'S THE PUP THAT
BARKS WHEN HE BITES--
DARKWING DOG!
SHE'S THE DOE THAT LEAPS
HIGHER THAN KITES--
DARKWING DEER!
AND WHO'S THE BIRD THAT
PECKS AT YOU PLIGHT?
DARKWING DODO!
SIR, IT IS WORSE THAN
CHEAP VAUDEVILLIAN SHOW.
OH, SHUSH.
THANK YOU,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU. NO, REALLY.
AND NOW, IMAGINE A PARTICULARLY
LAWLESS EVENING--
THE KIND OF NASTY NIGHT
THAT COULD RAISE EVERY HAIR
IN A STRAY CAT'S FUR.
YES, DEAR FRIENDS,
IMAGINE IF YOU WILL
A ST. CANARD CRAWLING
WITH EGGMEN.
NOTE HOW DARKWING DOG USES
THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
TO SURPRISE HIS ADVERSARIES.
THEREBY CREATING IN THEM
THAT ALL IMPORTANT FALSE
SENSE OF SECURITY,
WHICH LEAVES THEM
AND THEIR ASSOCIATES
RIPE FOR THE DIRECT
FRONTAL ATTACK.
NOTE HOW TEAMWORK
IS IMPORTANT--
ALONG WITH THE ABILITY
TO USE YOUR HEAD.
AND THERE YOU
HAVE IT, FOLKS.
A DAZZLING DISPLAY
OF DERRING-DO
BY THE INIMITABLE
DARKWING SQUAD.
THIS IS WORSE
THAN I FEARED!
THIS IS
ABSOLUTELY THE--
THE MOST AMAZING DISPLAY
OF SKILL AND INGENUITY
I'VE EVER SEEN.
I'LL MAKE IMMEDIATELY
ARRANGEMENTS
TO EXPAND YOUR
TRAINING PROGRAM
TO THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, GRIZZY?
OR SHALL I HAVE J. GANDER
REPEAT IT FOR YOU?
SLOWLY.
IF THESE ARE THE FUTURE
AGENTS OF SHUSH,
THEN THERE IS NO
FUTURE FOR ME.
WHOA. WHOA, GRIZ.
CHILL A SEC.
YOU KNOW, J. GANDER,
THE GUY MAY BE A
STICK IN THE MUD,
BUT HE'S STILL A
HALFWAY DECENT AGENT.
I'LL STOP HIM FOR YOU.
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF HAS MADE
HIS CHOICE, DARKWING.
I'M AFRAID THE FIENDISH
ORGANIZATION OF WORLD LARCENY
IS PLANNING A MAJOR ROBBERY.
AND FOWL DOESN'T STOP
FOR HURT FEELINGS.
OH, GRACIOUS ME.
HE MAKES US SOUND SO
CALLOUS AND CRUEL.
YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE A
BUNCH OF COSTUMED CLONES
IN A GIMP-WINGED GROUP
IS GONNA STOP US.
HECK, I DON'T BLAME GRIZZY
FOR TAKING A POWDER.
WORKING FOR SHUSH IS GETTING
DOWNRIGHT EMBARRASSING.
BUT HOLD THE PHONE AND
CLEAR THE SWITCHBOARD.
THERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY HERE
WAY TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.
I GIVE SHUSH THE BEST
YEARS OF MY LIFE
AND WHAT THANKS
AM I GETTING?
A BIG OVERWEIGHT
NOTHING. THAT'S WHAT.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
I LOVE THIS MUG.
AH, FORGET THE KNICK-KNACK,
GRIZZY. IT'S HISTORY.
JUST LIKE YOUR SHUSH CAREER.
FOWL CAN OFFER A LOT MORE
THAN A CHEAP COFFEE MUG.
WHAT? JOIN FOWL?
NEVER. NEVER. NYET.
AT LEAST LET ME GIVE YOU
THE SALES PICK, RIGHT?
WITH YOUR INTRODUCTION
INTO FOWL'S SERVITUDE
YOU GET YOUR VERY OWN
T-SHIRT, MATCHING CAP,
AND FLEECE-LINED
BASEBALL JACKET
AND A HAND-EMBROIDERED
FOWL LOGO.
BUT HOLD YOUR PANTS AND
SPIT OUT YOUR GUM,
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT ALL.
YOU PICK UP RESIDENCE IN
FOWL'S VERY OWN CONDO
ON THE BEACHES OF MAUI
WITH YOUR DELIGHTFUL
FOWL COMRADES.
THERE IS NOTHING
THAT WOULD MAKE ME
JOIN YOUR GANG OF HOODLUMS.
OH, YEAH?
HOW ABOUT THE JOB OF
TERMINATING DARKWING DUCK?
NOW, CHICKEN, YOU ARE
TALKING TURKEY.
TELL ME MORE.
GENTLEMEN, YOUR WORK
WITH THE DARKWING SQUAD
HAS IMPRESSED ME TERRIBLY.
THE AGENTS HAVE UNDERGONE A
REMARKABLE TRANSFORMATION.
AIN'T IT THE TRUTH?
WELL, A TEACHER'S
WORK IS NEVER DONE.
TIME TO CHECK ON THE KIDS.
SORRY. I WAS JUST
PRACTICING MY ENTRANCES.
WHAT ENTHUSIASM!
WHAT A HEADACHE!
FROM NOW ON,
DARKWING DODO,
IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA
TO PLAN WHERE YOU LAND.
BUT ACCORDING TO
DARKWING PROCEDURE,
A DARING DO-GOODER
NEVER PLANS.
WHAT? WELL, AH...
THAT'S TRUE.
MOSTLY TRUE...
BUT NOT COMPLETELY
TRUE 'CAUSE I--
WHAT'S WITH THE
SMOG ALERT?!
I'M SEARCHING FOR A
SMOKE COLOR
THAT WILL SET OFF THE
BLUSH IN MY CHEEKS.
OH, THAT'S SURE TO
IMPRESS EVIL DOERS.
NOW WHAT?!
BEAUTIFUL. FABULOUS.
NOW HOW ABOUT THOSE
POUTY LIPS?
AND JUST WHAT IS
GOING ON HERE?
HEY, BABE. YOU CAN'T SKIMP
ON YOUR 8x10 GLOSSIES, BABE.
8x10 GLOSSIES, BABE?
CAN'T DISAPPOINT THE
FANS, BABE, UH, SIR.
LIKE THEY'RE GOING
TO HAVE FANS.
THEY'RE PRETTY NICE
GLOSSIES, THOUGH.
YOUR EYES AREN'T
BULGING ENOUGH
AND YOUR HEAD SHOULD
DEFINITELY BE FLATTER.
I CAN'T EVEN GUESS
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
JUST PRACTICING MORE OF YOUR
SPECIAL TECHNIQUES, SIR.
UH, AMIGO.
THOSE AREN'T TECHNIQUES,
THEY'RE ACCIDENTS.
AND THE POINT IS
NOT TO HAVE THEM!
WHOOPS.
YOU SEE? MUCH FLATTER.
YOU PROMISED ME A SHOT
AT DARKWING DUCK.
PATIENCE, MY
FURRY FRIEND.
THAT'S WERE-- TA-DA--
PEARL COMES IN.
YOU CAN'T BAIT A MOUSETRAP
WITHOUT SOME CHEESE, RIGHT?
AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT
GENUINE DARKWING GORGONZOLA.
THAT PEARL MUST
BE PRICELESS!
LET'S JUST SAY FOWL
HIGH COMMAND
WON'T BE WORRYING ABOUT
BUDGET CUTS THIS YEAR.
AND WHAT OF THE
DARKWING SQUAD?
CONSIDER THEM JUST ONE
MORE BAG OF FISHBAIT.
WHERE DID I GO WRONG?
I WORKED FOR THEM.
I SLAVED FOR THEM.
AND WHAT THANKS DO I GET?
THEY TURN IN A BUNCH OF VAIN,
SELF-CENTERED, GLORY SEEKERS,
WHO ARE ONLY CONCERNED WITH
PROMOTING THEMSELVES.
WHERE DID THEY GET
EGOS LIKE THAT?
THAT'S JUST A SIMPLE DISPLAY
OF MY HEALTHY SELF-IMAGE.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
WRONG WITH THAT.
IS THERE?
OOH, WE'RE BOUND TO GET
NOTICED ON THESE WHEELS.
TEN-HUT!
ALL RIGHT, SQUAD, LISTEN UP.
IT'S TIME FOR A FEW RULES--
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN ENTIRELY
TOO SLACK AROUND HERE.
I WANT YOU TO SHOW A
LITTLE RESPECT TO
YOUR SUPERIORS--
STARTING WITH ME.
LAUNCHPAD.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
NO TALKING IN CLASS.
NO SPEAKING WITHOUT
RAISING YOUR HANDS.
NO LEAVING THE TRAINING ROOM.
NO LAUGHING. NO LOUD NOISES.
AND NO STICKING
OUT YOUR TONGUE
WHILE MAKING GOOGLY EYES
BEHIND THE TEACHER'S BACK.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, YOU CAN'T
BE TOO CAREFUL.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?
YES, SIR!
DARKWING. YOU MUST GET
YOUR SQUAD TO THE ST.
CANARD AQUARIUM AT ONCE
AND STOP STEELBEAK.
OK, SQUAD, LET'S GET--
DANGEROUS.
LOOKS LIKE YOUR SQUIRRELY
SQUAD IS A CHIP OFF THE OLD
BLOCKHEAD.
DRIPWING.
DIDN'T KNOW J. GANDER WAS A
PUPPET LEADER, DID YOU?
STEELBEAK!
I HOPE YOU WEREN'T TO
FOND OF YOUR PUFFED-UP
PROTEGES,
'CAUSE THEY'RE HEADING
STRAIGHT FOR MY TRAP.
NOT IF I GET TO THEM FIRST.
HAPPY TO SEE ME, DEADWING?
I DO SO LOVE WATCHING
SOMEONE ENJOY HIS WORK.
AH, RATS. JUST WHEN
IT WAS GETTIN' GOOD.
OH, WELL. I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE
LATE WITH MY DATE WITH PEARL.
SORRY, DARKWING. I HOPE
I DIDN'T HURT YOU.
MUCH.
ARE YOU KIDDIN'?
YOU BARELY TOUCHED ME.
BOY, D.W., THAT WAS BETTER
THANWRESTLEMANIAC 7.
STEELBEAK HAD TO BELIEVE
I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT
KILLING YOU, DARKWING.
WELL, I BELIEVED YOU.
I JUST WISH YOU WEREN'T
A METHOD ACTOR.
I WAS DOING MY JOB, BUT
YOU DIDN'T DO YOURS.
HOW COULD YOU LET THE
DARKWING SQUAD LEAVE?
LET THEM LEAVE? I DIDN'T
LET THEM DO ANYTHING!
THOSE ADOLESCENT SHOW-OFFS
ARE COMPLETELY UNRULY,
UNDISCIPLINED,
UNPREDICTABLE--
WHY DOES THAT SOUND
SO FAMILIAR?
WELL, YEAH, BUT I
WAS NEVER THAT...
IT WAS DIFFERENT WITH
ME, 'CAUSE I...
NEVERMIND.
EASY DOES IT, BOYS.
WE WOULDN'T WANT TO SCRATCH
OUR PRECIOUS PEARL.
NOW, IF THE DARKWING SQUAD IS
ANYTHING LIKE THEIR DINGY
ROLE-MODEL,
THEY SHOULD BE MAKING SOME KIND
OF OVERBLOWN ENTRANCE
RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
WE ARE THE TEAM THAT
FIGHTS IN THE NIGHT.
WE ARE THE BEATERS THAT
SCRAMBLE YOUR EGGMEN.
WE ARE--
REALLY DUMB.
THERE'S THE AQUARIUM.
WE'LL JUST BARGE IN AND
SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
NO!
NOW WE DO THINGS MY WAY.
WE NEED A PLAN.
GEE, I THOUGH BARGING
IN WAS A PLAN.
OH, MAN, WATCHING
OTHERS SUFFER
IS WHAT BAD GUYS LIVE FOR.
GREETINGS MR. STEEL BEAK.
I THOUGHT PERHAPS YOU WOULD
ENJOY SEEING DARKWING DUCK
DECIMATED IN PERSON.
DO TELL.
EXCUSE ME, BUT THIS WOULDN'T BE
SOME KIND OF SUCKER PLAY WOULD
IT?
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE BRILLIANT
PIECES OF SHUSH STRATEGY
THAT'S SUPPOSED DUMBFOUND US
POOR WITLESS EVIL DOERS.
HEH HEH, LOOKS LIKE
HE'S GOT US THERE GRIZZ.
OF COURSE NOT,
AND I WILL PROVE IT!
HEY!
HELP!
20 TO 1, FISHWING
IS FISH FOOD.
HEY, I'LL TAKE THOSE ODDS.
COUNT ME IN.
I'M IN FOR A FIN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF'S A TRAITOR.
I AM NOT TRAITOR!
I AM VLADIMIR
GODUNOV GRYZLIKOFF,
CHIEF AGENT
OF SHUSH.
WHILE THEY ARE
DISTRACTED,
WE ARE GONNA DO THINGS
THE SHUSH WAY.
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
WATCH THE TYPOS
THERE, AGENT DONKEY.
YES. EXCELLENT REPORT.
THANK YOU, SIR!
NOW, WE ARE READY.
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
UH-OH.
HELP!
WELL, SORRY, BOYS, BUT
THAT'S THE GAME.
NAH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WE GOT THE WHOLE DARKWING
SQUAD TO PLAY WITH.
THERE IS NO
DARKWING SQUAD,
ONLY THE AGENTS
OF SHUSH.
SO, IT WAS A SETUP, HUH?
TAKE 'EM, BOYS!
BEGIN PROCEDURES!
AS YOU CAN SEE,
SHUSH STRATEGY
OUTPERFORMS DARKWING
DISASTER EVERY TIME.
OH, NO! DARKWING!
LUCKY FOR ME, DUCK
FEATHERS TICKLE.
YOU MEAN THE WHOLE
THING WAS A SETUP?
OF COURSE, DARKWING.
WE HAD TO BE FIENDISHLY
CLEVER TO CAPTURE STEELBEAK.
BESIDES, THE IDEA OF YOU
TRAINING SHUSH AGENTS
IS PREPOSTEROUS.
HA.
NO ONE COULD MATCH YOUR WIT,
YOUR INGENUITY, YOUR
UNPREDICTABLE METHODS.
HA!
THERE IS ONLY ONE
DARKWING DUCK,
AND WE ARE FORTUNATE TO HAVE
HIM WORKING WITH US.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
BESIDES, I KNEW IT WAS A
SETUP THE WHOLE TIME.
KIDDING.
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF
THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME
VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE
OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
ANOTHER FELON
POTTED BY DARKWING DUCK!
HYAH!
HEY, GUYS--
HAVE A BANANA.
NOTHING LIKE A SIDE ORDER
OF SCRAMBLED EGGMEN.
SO MUCH FOR FANCY SMANCY
TRICK, DARKWING.
OH, I'M NOT DONE
YET, STEELBEAK.
GRRRRR!
THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.
THAT WILL BE
QUITE ENOUGH.
WELL, HE STARTED IT.
I'M SURE OUR LITTLE
DRAMATIZATION HAS
DEMONSTRATED
HOW DARKWING DUCK'S
UNIQUE METHODS
PUT OUR OWN SHUSH
PROCEDURES TO SHAME.
BUT, SIR, HE IS UNGROOMED,
UNDISCIPLINED,
AND UNPREDICTABLE.
DARKWING DUCK WAS
JUST LUCKY.
LUCK HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
I BESTED YOUR BOYS WITHOUT
MUSSING A FEATHER.
I'M AFRAID SHUSH HAS
BECOME MIRED IN ITS OWN
BUREAUCRATIC PAPERWORK.
AND SO, I'M ASSIGNING
THE RETRAINING OF
SHUSH'S BEST AGENTS
TO DARKWING DUCK.
BUT, SIR, OUR TOP AGENTS ARE
DIRECTLY UNDER MY COMMAND.
WE NEED NEW THINKING,
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF.
MY WORK! YOU SEE?
WHO ELSE WOULD THINK OF
DISGUISING HIMSELF
AS A BOWLING BALL OR WHATEVER?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
TRAINING OTHER AGENTS, J.
GANDER.
I'M KIND OF USED TO
WORKING O SOLO MIO,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
BUT WE NEED YOUR SPECIAL
BRAND OF GENIUS
IN THE INTEREST OF
WORLD PEACE.
GENIUS, HUH?
JUST THINK, THE AGENTS YOU
TRAIN WILL TRAIN OTHERS
AND THEY, STILL OTHERS.
YOU'LL BE A LEGEND, DARKWING.
A LEGEND? REALLY?
WELL, SINCE WORLD
PEACE IS AT STAKE...
JUST CALL ME
PROFESSOR.
SO, YOU PEOPLE ARE
SHUSH'S AGENTS, EH?
WE'LL SEE
ABOUT THAT!
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
RIGHT.
YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF
COFFEE THIS MORNING?
JUST RELAX.
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
DUMMY'S ALL SET, D.W.
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE.
THIS IS STEELBEAK,
FOWL'S TOP AGENT.
WHEN I SAY GO, YOU HAVE 10
SECONDS TO RENDER YOUR
ADVERSARY HARMLESS.
ON YOU MARK,
GET SET, GO!
CALCULATE WIND
VELOCITY.
RESEARCH ALL DATA
FROM LAST 100 YEARS.
MEASURE OPPONENTS MUSCLE MASS TO
ASCERTAIN FORCE FACTOR.
CHECK AND RECHECK
STATISTICAL PLANNING
TACTICS.
TIME'S UP!
PEACHY.
WHAT IS THIS?
DEATH BY PAPER CUT?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
FLOG 'EM SENSELESS
WITH FILLER PAPER?
FILE 'EM INTO SUBMISSION IN
MY LOOSELEAF NOTEBOOK?
NO MORE PAPER WORK!
I WANT ACTION!
BUT, SIR, SHUSH PROCEDURE--
FORGET SHUSH PROCEDURE!
I'M TALKING DARKWING
DUCK PROCEDURE HERE.
WHICH IS NO PROCEDURE
AT ALL. GET IT?
JUST ATTACK! USE
YOUR OWN INSTINCTS!
TEAR 'EM LIMB FROM LIMB!
SHOW NO MERCY!
ANY QUESTIONS?
JUST DO AS I DO, OK?
HYAH!
GEE, SIR, WHAT IF THE SUBJECT
WAS WANTED FOR QUESTIONING?
THERE! NOW HE'S READY
FOR QUESTIONING.
AND SO, IN SUMMARY, MY
FLEDGLING FOLLOWERS,
DARING DO-GOODERS
NEED STYLE, PANACHE,
A FLAIR FOR THE
DRAMATIC.
IN SHORT, MI AMIGOS,
YOU NEED THESE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW ANXIOUS I AM
TO SEE THE RESULTS OF
DARKWING'S TRAINING
SESSIONS.
YES, AND I CAN't WAIT TO UNDO
ALL THE DAMAGE THAT HE HAS
INFLICTED UPON MY AGENTS!
(GUNFIRE)
WHY MUST THIS SO-CALLED
DEMONSTRATION BE HELD HERE?
SHUSH HEADQUARTERS
WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH
MORE APPROPRIATE.
NOW DON'T BE A FUDDY-DUDDY,
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF.
[ SCREAM ]
YOU SEE? THESE SURROUNDINGS
ADD AN ELEMENT OF REALISM
THAT I QUITE APPRECIATE.
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN
THE NIGHT.
I AM THE PRINCIPAL
YOU'RE SENT TO SEE.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL.
I MEAN IT.
YOU ARE RIGHT, SIR.
THE REALISM CERTAINLY
ADDS TO THE PROCEEDINGS.
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO PRESENT
SOME HOT NEW TALENT,
DESTINED TO TURN
THIS TOWN AROUND.
LET'S PUT OUR HANDS
TOGETHER FOR...
THE DARKWING SQUAD.
HE IS THE BURRO THAT
KICKS IN THE NIGHT--
DARKWING DONKEY!
AND HERE'S THE PUP THAT
BARKS WHEN HE BITES--
DARKWING DOG!
SHE'S THE DOE THAT LEAPS
HIGHER THAN KITES--
DARKWING DEER!
AND WHO'S THE BIRD THAT
PECKS AT YOU PLIGHT?
DARKWING DODO!
SIR, IT IS WORSE THAN
CHEAP VAUDEVILLIAN SHOW.
OH, SHUSH.
THANK YOU,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU. NO, REALLY.
AND NOW, IMAGINE A PARTICULARLY
LAWLESS EVENING--
THE KIND OF NASTY NIGHT
THAT COULD RAISE EVERY HAIR
IN A STRAY CAT'S FUR.
YES, DEAR FRIENDS,
IMAGINE IF YOU WILL
A ST. CANARD CRAWLING
WITH EGGMEN.
NOTE HOW DARKWING DOG USES
THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
TO SURPRISE HIS ADVERSARIES.
THEREBY CREATING IN THEM
THAT ALL IMPORTANT FALSE
SENSE OF SECURITY,
WHICH LEAVES THEM
AND THEIR ASSOCIATES
RIPE FOR THE DIRECT
FRONTAL ATTACK.
NOTE HOW TEAMWORK
IS IMPORTANT--
ALONG WITH THE ABILITY
TO USE YOUR HEAD.
AND THERE YOU
HAVE IT, FOLKS.
A DAZZLING DISPLAY
OF DERRING-DO
BY THE INIMITABLE
DARKWING SQUAD.
THIS IS WORSE
THAN I FEARED!
THIS IS
ABSOLUTELY THE--
THE MOST AMAZING DISPLAY
OF SKILL AND INGENUITY
I'VE EVER SEEN.
I'LL MAKE IMMEDIATELY
ARRANGEMENTS
TO EXPAND YOUR
TRAINING PROGRAM
TO THE ENTIRE ORGANIZATION.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, GRIZZY?
OR SHALL I HAVE J. GANDER
REPEAT IT FOR YOU?
SLOWLY.
IF THESE ARE THE FUTURE
AGENTS OF SHUSH,
THEN THERE IS NO
FUTURE FOR ME.
WHOA. WHOA, GRIZ.
CHILL A SEC.
YOU KNOW, J. GANDER,
THE GUY MAY BE A
STICK IN THE MUD,
BUT HE'S STILL A
HALFWAY DECENT AGENT.
I'LL STOP HIM FOR YOU.
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF HAS MADE
HIS CHOICE, DARKWING.
I'M AFRAID THE FIENDISH
ORGANIZATION OF WORLD LARCENY
IS PLANNING A MAJOR ROBBERY.
AND FOWL DOESN'T STOP
FOR HURT FEELINGS.
OH, GRACIOUS ME.
HE MAKES US SOUND SO
CALLOUS AND CRUEL.
YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE A
BUNCH OF COSTUMED CLONES
IN A GIMP-WINGED GROUP
IS GONNA STOP US.
HECK, I DON'T BLAME GRIZZY
FOR TAKING A POWDER.
WORKING FOR SHUSH IS GETTING
DOWNRIGHT EMBARRASSING.
BUT HOLD THE PHONE AND
CLEAR THE SWITCHBOARD.
THERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY HERE
WAY TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.
I GIVE SHUSH THE BEST
YEARS OF MY LIFE
AND WHAT THANKS
AM I GETTING?
A BIG OVERWEIGHT
NOTHING. THAT'S WHAT.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
I LOVE THIS MUG.
AH, FORGET THE KNICK-KNACK,
GRIZZY. IT'S HISTORY.
JUST LIKE YOUR SHUSH CAREER.
FOWL CAN OFFER A LOT MORE
THAN A CHEAP COFFEE MUG.
WHAT? JOIN FOWL?
NEVER. NEVER. NYET.
AT LEAST LET ME GIVE YOU
THE SALES PICK, RIGHT?
WITH YOUR INTRODUCTION
INTO FOWL'S SERVITUDE
YOU GET YOUR VERY OWN
T-SHIRT, MATCHING CAP,
AND FLEECE-LINED
BASEBALL JACKET
AND A HAND-EMBROIDERED
FOWL LOGO.
BUT HOLD YOUR PANTS AND
SPIT OUT YOUR GUM,
'CAUSE THAT'S NOT ALL.
YOU PICK UP RESIDENCE IN
FOWL'S VERY OWN CONDO
ON THE BEACHES OF MAUI
WITH YOUR DELIGHTFUL
FOWL COMRADES.
THERE IS NOTHING
THAT WOULD MAKE ME
JOIN YOUR GANG OF HOODLUMS.
OH, YEAH?
HOW ABOUT THE JOB OF
TERMINATING DARKWING DUCK?
NOW, CHICKEN, YOU ARE
TALKING TURKEY.
TELL ME MORE.
GENTLEMEN, YOUR WORK
WITH THE DARKWING SQUAD
HAS IMPRESSED ME TERRIBLY.
THE AGENTS HAVE UNDERGONE A
REMARKABLE TRANSFORMATION.
AIN'T IT THE TRUTH?
WELL, A TEACHER'S
WORK IS NEVER DONE.
TIME TO CHECK ON THE KIDS.
SORRY. I WAS JUST
PRACTICING MY ENTRANCES.
WHAT ENTHUSIASM!
WHAT A HEADACHE!
FROM NOW ON,
DARKWING DODO,
IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA
TO PLAN WHERE YOU LAND.
BUT ACCORDING TO
DARKWING PROCEDURE,
A DARING DO-GOODER
NEVER PLANS.
WHAT? WELL, AH...
THAT'S TRUE.
MOSTLY TRUE...
BUT NOT COMPLETELY
TRUE 'CAUSE I--
WHAT'S WITH THE
SMOG ALERT?!
I'M SEARCHING FOR A
SMOKE COLOR
THAT WILL SET OFF THE
BLUSH IN MY CHEEKS.
OH, THAT'S SURE TO
IMPRESS EVIL DOERS.
NOW WHAT?!
BEAUTIFUL. FABULOUS.
NOW HOW ABOUT THOSE
POUTY LIPS?
AND JUST WHAT IS
GOING ON HERE?
HEY, BABE. YOU CAN'T SKIMP
ON YOUR 8x10 GLOSSIES, BABE.
8x10 GLOSSIES, BABE?
CAN'T DISAPPOINT THE
FANS, BABE, UH, SIR.
LIKE THEY'RE GOING
TO HAVE FANS.
THEY'RE PRETTY NICE
GLOSSIES, THOUGH.
YOUR EYES AREN'T
BULGING ENOUGH
AND YOUR HEAD SHOULD
DEFINITELY BE FLATTER.
I CAN'T EVEN GUESS
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
JUST PRACTICING MORE OF YOUR
SPECIAL TECHNIQUES, SIR.
UH, AMIGO.
THOSE AREN'T TECHNIQUES,
THEY'RE ACCIDENTS.
AND THE POINT IS
NOT TO HAVE THEM!
WHOOPS.
YOU SEE? MUCH FLATTER.
YOU PROMISED ME A SHOT
AT DARKWING DUCK.
PATIENCE, MY
FURRY FRIEND.
THAT'S WERE-- TA-DA--
PEARL COMES IN.
YOU CAN'T BAIT A MOUSETRAP
WITHOUT SOME CHEESE, RIGHT?
AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT
GENUINE DARKWING GORGONZOLA.
THAT PEARL MUST
BE PRICELESS!
LET'S JUST SAY FOWL
HIGH COMMAND
WON'T BE WORRYING ABOUT
BUDGET CUTS THIS YEAR.
AND WHAT OF THE
DARKWING SQUAD?
CONSIDER THEM JUST ONE
MORE BAG OF FISHBAIT.
WHERE DID I GO WRONG?
I WORKED FOR THEM.
I SLAVED FOR THEM.
AND WHAT THANKS DO I GET?
THEY TURN IN A BUNCH OF VAIN,
SELF-CENTERED, GLORY SEEKERS,
WHO ARE ONLY CONCERNED WITH
PROMOTING THEMSELVES.
WHERE DID THEY GET
EGOS LIKE THAT?
THAT'S JUST A SIMPLE DISPLAY
OF MY HEALTHY SELF-IMAGE.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
WRONG WITH THAT.
IS THERE?
OOH, WE'RE BOUND TO GET
NOTICED ON THESE WHEELS.
TEN-HUT!
ALL RIGHT, SQUAD, LISTEN UP.
IT'S TIME FOR A FEW RULES--
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN ENTIRELY
TOO SLACK AROUND HERE.
I WANT YOU TO SHOW A
LITTLE RESPECT TO
YOUR SUPERIORS--
STARTING WITH ME.
LAUNCHPAD.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
NO TALKING IN CLASS.
NO SPEAKING WITHOUT
RAISING YOUR HANDS.
NO LEAVING THE TRAINING ROOM.
NO LAUGHING. NO LOUD NOISES.
AND NO STICKING
OUT YOUR TONGUE
WHILE MAKING GOOGLY EYES
BEHIND THE TEACHER'S BACK.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, YOU CAN'T
BE TOO CAREFUL.
HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?
YES, SIR!
DARKWING. YOU MUST GET
YOUR SQUAD TO THE ST.
CANARD AQUARIUM AT ONCE
AND STOP STEELBEAK.
OK, SQUAD, LET'S GET--
DANGEROUS.
LOOKS LIKE YOUR SQUIRRELY
SQUAD IS A CHIP OFF THE OLD
BLOCKHEAD.
DRIPWING.
DIDN'T KNOW J. GANDER WAS A
PUPPET LEADER, DID YOU?
STEELBEAK!
I HOPE YOU WEREN'T TO
FOND OF YOUR PUFFED-UP
PROTEGES,
'CAUSE THEY'RE HEADING
STRAIGHT FOR MY TRAP.
NOT IF I GET TO THEM FIRST.
HAPPY TO SEE ME, DEADWING?
I DO SO LOVE WATCHING
SOMEONE ENJOY HIS WORK.
AH, RATS. JUST WHEN
IT WAS GETTIN' GOOD.
OH, WELL. I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE
LATE WITH MY DATE WITH PEARL.
SORRY, DARKWING. I HOPE
I DIDN'T HURT YOU.
MUCH.
ARE YOU KIDDIN'?
YOU BARELY TOUCHED ME.
BOY, D.W., THAT WAS BETTER
THANWRESTLEMANIAC 7.
STEELBEAK HAD TO BELIEVE
I WAS SERIOUS ABOUT
KILLING YOU, DARKWING.
WELL, I BELIEVED YOU.
I JUST WISH YOU WEREN'T
A METHOD ACTOR.
I WAS DOING MY JOB, BUT
YOU DIDN'T DO YOURS.
HOW COULD YOU LET THE
DARKWING SQUAD LEAVE?
LET THEM LEAVE? I DIDN'T
LET THEM DO ANYTHING!
THOSE ADOLESCENT SHOW-OFFS
ARE COMPLETELY UNRULY,
UNDISCIPLINED,
UNPREDICTABLE--
WHY DOES THAT SOUND
SO FAMILIAR?
WELL, YEAH, BUT I
WAS NEVER THAT...
IT WAS DIFFERENT WITH
ME, 'CAUSE I...
NEVERMIND.
EASY DOES IT, BOYS.
WE WOULDN'T WANT TO SCRATCH
OUR PRECIOUS PEARL.
NOW, IF THE DARKWING SQUAD IS
ANYTHING LIKE THEIR DINGY
ROLE-MODEL,
THEY SHOULD BE MAKING SOME KIND
OF OVERBLOWN ENTRANCE
RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
WE ARE THE TEAM THAT
FIGHTS IN THE NIGHT.
WE ARE THE BEATERS THAT
SCRAMBLE YOUR EGGMEN.
WE ARE--
REALLY DUMB.
THERE'S THE AQUARIUM.
WE'LL JUST BARGE IN AND
SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
NO!
NOW WE DO THINGS MY WAY.
WE NEED A PLAN.
GEE, I THOUGH BARGING
IN WAS A PLAN.
OH, MAN, WATCHING
OTHERS SUFFER
IS WHAT BAD GUYS LIVE FOR.
GREETINGS MR. STEEL BEAK.
I THOUGHT PERHAPS YOU WOULD
ENJOY SEEING DARKWING DUCK
DECIMATED IN PERSON.
DO TELL.
EXCUSE ME, BUT THIS WOULDN'T BE
SOME KIND OF SUCKER PLAY WOULD
IT?
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE BRILLIANT
PIECES OF SHUSH STRATEGY
THAT'S SUPPOSED DUMBFOUND US
POOR WITLESS EVIL DOERS.
HEH HEH, LOOKS LIKE
HE'S GOT US THERE GRIZZ.
OF COURSE NOT,
AND I WILL PROVE IT!
HEY!
HELP!
20 TO 1, FISHWING
IS FISH FOOD.
HEY, I'LL TAKE THOSE ODDS.
COUNT ME IN.
I'M IN FOR A FIN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
AGENT GRYZLIKOFF'S A TRAITOR.
I AM NOT TRAITOR!
I AM VLADIMIR
GODUNOV GRYZLIKOFF,
CHIEF AGENT
OF SHUSH.
WHILE THEY ARE
DISTRACTED,
WE ARE GONNA DO THINGS
THE SHUSH WAY.
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
WATCH THE TYPOS
THERE, AGENT DONKEY.
YES. EXCELLENT REPORT.
THANK YOU, SIR!
NOW, WE ARE READY.
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
YES, SIR!
UH-OH.
HELP!
WELL, SORRY, BOYS, BUT
THAT'S THE GAME.
NAH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WE GOT THE WHOLE DARKWING
SQUAD TO PLAY WITH.
THERE IS NO
DARKWING SQUAD,
ONLY THE AGENTS
OF SHUSH.
SO, IT WAS A SETUP, HUH?
TAKE 'EM, BOYS!
BEGIN PROCEDURES!
AS YOU CAN SEE,
SHUSH STRATEGY
OUTPERFORMS DARKWING
DISASTER EVERY TIME.
OH, NO! DARKWING!
LUCKY FOR ME, DUCK
FEATHERS TICKLE.
YOU MEAN THE WHOLE
THING WAS A SETUP?
OF COURSE, DARKWING.
WE HAD TO BE FIENDISHLY
CLEVER TO CAPTURE STEELBEAK.
BESIDES, THE IDEA OF YOU
TRAINING SHUSH AGENTS
IS PREPOSTEROUS.
HA.
NO ONE COULD MATCH YOUR WIT,
YOUR INGENUITY, YOUR
UNPREDICTABLE METHODS.
HA!
THERE IS ONLY ONE
DARKWING DUCK,
AND WE ARE FORTUNATE TO HAVE
HIM WORKING WITH US.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
BESIDES, I KNEW IT WAS A
SETUP THE WHOLE TIME.
KIDDING.