Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 53 - Stressed to Kill - full transcript
♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF
THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME
VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE
OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
WHAT? LOSE ANOTHER
GAME OF WHIFFLE BOY?
THE DAILY
CRIME REPORT.
IT'S THE WORST
REPORT I'VE EVER SEEN.
A REGULAR
CRIME WAVE?
I WISH.
THERE'S HASN'T BEEN
ONE CRIME ALL DAY.
ISN'T THAT GOOD?
NOT FOR
A CRIMEFIGHTER.
WITHOUT A CRIME
TO FIGHT, I'M...
I'M DOODLY-SQUAT.
THERE MUST BE
A CRIME SOMEWHERE.
I DUNNO, D.W.
THE CITY
LOOKS REAL QUIET.
AND I WAS
JUST READING,
"IT'S A QUIET TOWN
THAT CALMS YOU DOWN."
"STRESS-BUSTERS--
HOW TO RELAX
IN A HURRY."
SOUNDS LIKE
A WORK OF GENIUS.
WANNA READ IT?
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I'M PERFECTLY
RELAXED.
LET'S FIND A CRIME--
ANY CRIME,
BIG CRIME,
LITTLE CRIME.
BROKEN GLASS IN
FRONT OF GOMBERT'S
CANDY STORE.
AHA. AHA.
AHA.
UNLESS I MISS
MY GUESS,
A ROBBERY HAS
TAKEN PLACE HERE.
WHO DID THIS
DASTARDLY DEED?
A COWBOY
AND AN INDIAN.
WHAT EVER HAPPENED
TO THE COMMON CRIMINAL?
SAY, FOR SOMEONE
WHO'S JUST BEEN ROBBED,
YOU SEEM AWFULLY CALM.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
WHAT HAPPENS,
HAPPENS.
[SNORING]
[SNORING]
STRESS-BUSTERS SAYS
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS
YOU CANNOT CHANGE.
OR IS THAT
CHANGE THE THINGS
YOU CAN'T ACCEPT?
I'M ONLY INTERESTED
IN THE CHANGE
STOLEN FROM
THAT CASH REGISTER.
WHOA! WHOA!
WAAH-HOO!
WAAH-WAAH-WAAH!
[CRASH]
HEY, GOOD IDEA, D.W.
THESE SPILLED GUMBALLS OUGHTA
LEAD US TO THE CROOKS.
AHEM.
EXCUSE ME.
WERE YOU ROBBED BY
A COWBOY AND AN INDIAN?
A COWBOY
AND AN INDIAN?
DON'T BE SILLY.
IT WAS TWO PIRATES.
TWO PIRATES?
OF COURSE.
AND THEY
DIDN'T ROB US.
THEY JUST WANTED
TO TRY THIS NEW KIND
OF BOWLING WITH...
A PACK
OF WILD PANTHERS.
A PACK OF WILD PANTHERS?
SO WE SAID
OKEY-DOKEY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT,
LAUNCHPAD?
THEY SAID OKEY-DOKEY.
SHH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHH?
THEY HATE
LOUD NOISES.
THEY?
[GROWLING]
NICE KITTIES.
PRETTY KITTIES.
COWBOYS AND INDIANS
COMMITTING CANDY CRIMES?
PIRATES PLAYING
WITH PANTHERS?
TWO CIRCUS CLOWNS
CREATING CHAOS
ACROSS THE CITY.
THIS CASE GETS
CRAZIER AND CRAZIER.
TO BE OR NOT?
I GUESS
THAT'S THE QUESTION.
ANON, WE SEIZE THE STAGE
TO HERE PERFORM
A PLAY TO LIFT YOUR HEARTS
AND MAKE THEM WARM.
QUACKERJACK,
THIS DRESSING UP
IN COSTUMES
IS GETTING BORING.
CAN'T WE DO
SOMETHING A LITTLE
MORE SHOCKING?
SHUSH, MEGAVOLT.
YOU'LL SPOIL
MY LITTLE DRAMA.
STRANGE. THE TRAIL LED RIGHT
INTO THE SHUBIRD THEATER.
BUT, ERE OUR FINE
AMUSEMENT MAY COMMENCE,
WE MUST COLLECT YOUR
DOLLARS AND YOUR CENTS.
LOOK. THOSE
AREN'T ACTORS.
IT'S THAT CRAZED
TOYMAKER, QUACKERJACK,
AND HIS SUPERCHARGED
PAL, MEGAVOLT.
OF COURSE.
THEY'RE BEHIND THIS
COCKAMAMIE CRIME WAVE.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
YOU THIEVING THESPIANS.
THE CITIZENS OF ST. CANARD
WON'T STAND FOR THIS
SORT OF TREATMENT!
WE DON'T MIND.
WHAT'S WITH YOU PEOPLE?
THE CITY'S
BEING ROBBED BLIND,
AND YOU ACT LIKE
NOTHING'S HAPPENING?
SO, WHAT'S
YOUR POINT?
NOT SO FAST,
EVILDOERS.
MY, MY. AREN'T
WE IN A HUFF.
MR. BANANA-BRAIN
SAYS RELAX, MAX.
WOULD EVERYONE
PLEASE STOP
TELLING ME TO RELAX?
I AM RELAXED.
I...AM...RELAXED!
OOPSY.
YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO BRING DOWN
THE HOUSE, DIPWING.
I'LL BRING YOU DOWN.
ANOTHER ELECTRIFYING
PERFORMANCE, MEGAVOLT.
HEY, COME
BACK HERE, YOU...
[COUGH COUGH]
UH-OH. D.W.
LOOKS LIKE
THEY GOT AWAY.
AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
I OVERREACTED.
OH. A CRIMEFIGHTER
SHOULD REMAIN CALM
AT ALL TIMES.
LAUNCHPAD, THE BOOK.
STRESS-BUSTERS.
CHAPTER ONE.
"THE FIRST STEP
TO TRANQUILLITY
IS PLENTY OF EXERCISE..."
AND YOU CAN'T BEAT
A NICE PEACEFUL JOG.
YES, NOTHING LIKE
A BRISK JAUNT
THROUGH THE NEIGHBORHOOD
TO CHASE
THOSE CARES AWAY.
AND FOR
TRUE RELAXATION,
A GENTLE MASSAGE
WILL WORK WONDERS.
AHH. JUST FEEL
THAT TENSION
BEING SQUEEZED
RIGHT OUT OF YOU.
PROPER MEDICATION
TECHNIQUES
CAN OPEN UP SHINING
NEW VISTAS OF SERENITY.
SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND FOCUS ON
A RESTFUL IMAGE,
SUCH AS A TROPICAL ISLAND
OR A SUNSET.
ANY CALMING IMAGE
WILL DO NICELY.
A FIELD OF
WIND-SWEPT FLOWERS,
A MOUNTAIN STREAM.
HE MUST BE READING
CHAPTER SEVEN,
"REDECORATING
FOR RELAXATION."
HE DOESN'T LOOK
SO RELAXED.
HA HA HA HA!
SHH. SHH.
IT'S A FLY. HA HA!
GOT HIM!
DAD, STOP!
HE-YAH!
OUCH.
OUCH.
SINGED BUT TRIUMPHANT.
[FLY BUZZES]
MAYBE IT'S TIME
THAT WE READ
CHAPTER 12, D.W.--
"SEEKING
PROFESSIONAL HELP."
VAT A TENSE LITTLE
PUPPY YOU ARE, NO?
WELL,
WE CAN HELP YOU.
I AM DR. HEEBY.
I AM DR. JEEBY.
SAY, YOU TWO LOOK
AWFULLY FAMILIAR.
ACH! YOU'RE
HAVING DEJA VU.
THIS COULD
BE SERIOUS.
JA, JA, JA.
VE MUST FIRST LEARN
VAT IS MAKING YOU
SO TENSE.
PERHAPS IT'S
THE VIOLENCE OF
MODERN SOCIETY, HUH?
VE NEED TO GET HIM
IN TOUCH
MIT HIS
INNER CHILD SELF.
HERE. YOUR REACTION
TO THIS SIMPLE
CHILD'S TOY
VILL HELP US
TO UNDERSCHTAND
YOUR PROBLEM.
[POP GOES THE WEASEL
PLAYS]
NOW VE SEE
VAT IS EATING YOU.
EATING YOU.
HA HA HA!
[PANTING]
DEFINITELY
TENSE.
YOU NEED
TO CALM DOWN.
I KNOW VAT
VOULD FIX HIM,
DR. HEEBY.
HE NEEDS
A LITTLE JOLT
FROM OUR RELAXATRON.
RELAXATRON?
OF COURSE.
YOU'RE THE ONES TURNING
EVERYONE INTO ZOMBIES.
YOU'RE QUACKERJACK
AND MEGAVOLT.
YOU GOT IT,
BANANA-BEAK.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU--
LET ME GO.
AND GUESS WHO'S NEXT
TO GET FRIED, CLYDE?
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
HA HA HA!
IT'S PLAYTIME!
WHOA. MUST BE
SOME NEW RELAXATION
TECHNIQUE.
KEEN GEAR!
HOW'D YOU GET SO WIGGLY?
SPECIAL...
NEWS BULLETIN.
TWO GIANT PUMPKINS
SNUCK INTO THE MUSEUM
AND FORCIBLY BORROWED
PRICELESS EGYPTIAN STUFF.
NO BIG DEAL, REALLY.
GEE, D.W.
GIANT PUMPKINS!
THAT MUST BE
QUACKERJACK AND MEGAVOLT
IN COSTUME AGAIN.
THEY'RE RUNNING
THE STRESS-FREE CLINIC.
QUACKERJACK AND MEGAVOLT
RUN THE CLINIC?
YEAH. THEY GAVE ME
THIS WADDLEMAN RADIO.
JUST THE THING
TO HELP YOU RELAX.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO HELP YOU UNRELAX
SO YOU CAN CLOBBER
THOSE CROOKS.
LET'S
GET MISCHIEVOUS!
HE HATES ME DOING THIS.
OOH! NOW I'M MAD!
SEE?
WHEW!
FOR A SECOND THERE,
I THOUGHT I NEEDED
NEW BATTERIES.
[HUMMING]
OH!
TA-DA!
IT'S THE GREAT
TOY PYRAMID!
A COLOSSAL TRIBUTE
TO ST. CANARD'S
NEW LAW--
THE LAW OF FUN!
GOT THAT RIGHT,
DWIGHT.
NOW THAT EVERYBODY'S
SO CAREFREE,
WE'LL HAVE
ALL THE FUN WE WANT.
I AM THE TERROR...
UH...AND THEN SOMETHING
ABOUT FLAPPIN', RIGHT?
RIGHT. SAY SOMETHING
TO STRIKE FEAR
IN THEIR HEARTS.
WOW. COOL HATS.
DAD, THEY'RE
THE BAD GUYS.
YOU FOIL 'EM,
NOT FLATTER 'EM!
OOH, GETTING UPSET,
YOUNG LADY?
WE KNOW
HOW TO CURE THAT.
MEET MR. RELAXATRON!
YIPE!
YIPE!
DRAT!
MY BATTERY'S LOW.
OH, GOOD GOING, SPARKY.
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!
O.K., YOU ASKED FOR IT.
SUCK GAS, EVILDOERS!
EEW!
MMM! CAJUN-SYTLE
PICKLE RELISH.
HAH! C'MON, LET'S GO
WREAK SOME HAVOC...
SPARKY.
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!
YOU PUT RELISH
IN THE GAS GUN?
SURE. EVEN
A RELAXED CRIMEFIGHTER
HAS TO BE PREPARED.
PREPARED FOR WHAT?
A LITTLE SNACK.
BEHOLD.
KRAZY KEVIN'S
KLASSIC KOCKTAIL WIENIES.
YAY!
MY FAVORITE!
OHH!
GROOVY!
FABULOUS!
WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR, SPARKY?
HURRY UP AND RECHARGE
YOUR BATTERY!
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!
WOW. I NEEDED THAT.
I'M GLAD YOU GOT
SUCH A CHARGE,
BECAUSE YOU DESTROYED
MR. RELAXATRON!
OH, TERRIFIC.
A BLACKOUT.
HOW ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO SEE?
WHY DONCHA
LIGHT A CANDLE, RANDALL?
THAT'S IT!
THANKS, MR. BANANA-BRAIN.
DING, DING, DING!
[IMITATING SIREN]
THERE.
NOW WE CAN SEE.
NICE SHOOTIN', QUACKIE!
BUT DON'T FIRE ENGINES
SPRAY WATER?
NO. THEN THEY'D BE
WATER ENGINES.
DO WE HAVE ONE?
I THINK WE NEED IT.
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
OH...UH...DON'T WORRY.
IT'LL BURN ITSELF OUT.
AAH!
AAH!
GREAT. I SEE IT
IN THE HISTORY BOOKS--
"HERO TWIDDLES,
WHILE ST. CANARD BURNS."
I SUPPOSE THIS
COULD BE A PROBLEM.
THAT WASN'T SO BAD.
IT'S DARKWING DUCK!
WE'RE SAVED!
OH, QUICK,
DO SOMETHING!
NO PROBLEMO.
YAY!
YAY!
IF THERE'S ONE THING
A FIRE'S GOOD FOR,
IT'S TOASTING KRAZY KEVIN'S
KLASSIC KOCKTAIL WIENIES.
YOU REALLY OUGHTA
TRY ONE.
YOU'LL LOVE 'EM.
MMM-MMM-MMM!
OOH! AAH! OOH!
OOH! AHH! OOH!
MMM-MMM!
WE'RE GETTING
OUR BEHINDS BARBECUED,
AND DARKWING DINER
IS ROASTING WIENIES!
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
THE CRAZY ONES.
YOU TURNED HIS BRAIN
INTO SPONGE CAKE, JAKE.
AAH!
I'M REALLY GLAD EVERYONE'S
HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME.
NOBODY SNUFFED THE FIRE?
SNUFF THE FIRE?
OF COURSE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
THINK OF THAT?
[MEGAVOLT]
ONE FIRE GOING OUT.
TA-DA!
MEGAVOLT--
SUPERHERO!
TA-DA!
MEGAVOLT--
SUPERFOOL!
YEOW!
HEY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE
A BOAT ON THEM?
WELL, SURE.
WHY DO YOU ASK?
WHOA! I GOTTA GET ME ONE
OF THESE RUBBER DUCKIES.
HEY, WAIT FOR US!
TROUBLE!
AAH!
AAH!
OH, A WATERFALL.
HOW RELAXING.
YOU'VE
RELAXED ENOUGH.
SNAP OUT OF IT!
HEY!
I'LL SHORT OUT!
SHORT OUT? THAT'S IT!
HAVE A NICE DAY.
WHAT? WHERE? WHO? WHEN?
SOMETIMES WHY.
WHOA!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
WHOOP!
AHA!
THE ST. CANARD WATERWORKS!
YAAH! DEATH BY JACUZZI!
ALL WE WANTED
WAS SOME FUN.
GOOD. THE FUN HAS BEGUN.
HAND ME THOSE TOY TEETH,
QUACKERJACK.
BE CAREFUL.
I JUST BRUSHED THEM.
I'LL ATTACH THE TEETH
TO YOUR POWER CORD, MEGSIE,
ANDVOILA!
YIPPEE-KAI-AI!
LOOK UP THERE!
THE SHUT-OFF VALVE!
LAUNCHPAD,
DO YOU HAVE YOUR
STRESS-BUSTERS BOOK?
HERE, D.W., BUT THIS
IS NO TIME TO RELAX.
SO WHO'S GONNA RELAX?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
IT WORKED.
BUT MEGAVOLT
AND QUACKERJACK
ARE GETTING AWAY.
ALWAYS HAVE SEVERAL
RUBBER DUCKIES.
BYE-BYE, PALLIES!
I GOTTA LEAVE,
STEVE!
NO PROBLEM.
THIS IS A JOB FOR...
KRAZY KEVIN'S
KOCKTAIL WIENIES!
NOT THE WIENIES
AGAIN, DAD.
NOPE. THE TOOTHPICK.
WELL, I GUESS
WE CAN ALL RELAX NOW.
AS I WAS SAYING...
TOO BAD YOU USED ALL THOSE
KLASSIC KOCKTAIL WIENIES.
THEY MAKE THE PERFECT
PICNIC SNACK.
AHH! WHAT A LIFE!
SEE, DAD,
EVEN YOU CAN RELAX.
YOU JUST GOTTA
GET YOUR MIND
OFF CRIME.
YOU'RE RIGHT, GOS.
AHA! A LITTERBUG!
IT'S A JOB FOR--
DAD...
HEH HEH.
A JOB FOR...
THEY CITY'S CLEANUP CREW.
"LET'S ZAP EVERYONE
IN THE CITY," YOU SAID.
"LET'S DRESS UP
LIKE PIRATES."
HEY, WHY DONCHA
JUST RELAX, SPARKY?
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY,
AND I AM RELAXED!
I...AM...RE...LAXED!
AAH!
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT OF
THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE SOME
VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE
OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
WHAT? LOSE ANOTHER
GAME OF WHIFFLE BOY?
THE DAILY
CRIME REPORT.
IT'S THE WORST
REPORT I'VE EVER SEEN.
A REGULAR
CRIME WAVE?
I WISH.
THERE'S HASN'T BEEN
ONE CRIME ALL DAY.
ISN'T THAT GOOD?
NOT FOR
A CRIMEFIGHTER.
WITHOUT A CRIME
TO FIGHT, I'M...
I'M DOODLY-SQUAT.
THERE MUST BE
A CRIME SOMEWHERE.
I DUNNO, D.W.
THE CITY
LOOKS REAL QUIET.
AND I WAS
JUST READING,
"IT'S A QUIET TOWN
THAT CALMS YOU DOWN."
"STRESS-BUSTERS--
HOW TO RELAX
IN A HURRY."
SOUNDS LIKE
A WORK OF GENIUS.
WANNA READ IT?
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I'M PERFECTLY
RELAXED.
LET'S FIND A CRIME--
ANY CRIME,
BIG CRIME,
LITTLE CRIME.
BROKEN GLASS IN
FRONT OF GOMBERT'S
CANDY STORE.
AHA. AHA.
AHA.
UNLESS I MISS
MY GUESS,
A ROBBERY HAS
TAKEN PLACE HERE.
WHO DID THIS
DASTARDLY DEED?
A COWBOY
AND AN INDIAN.
WHAT EVER HAPPENED
TO THE COMMON CRIMINAL?
SAY, FOR SOMEONE
WHO'S JUST BEEN ROBBED,
YOU SEEM AWFULLY CALM.
WELL, YOU KNOW,
WHAT HAPPENS,
HAPPENS.
[SNORING]
[SNORING]
STRESS-BUSTERS SAYS
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS
YOU CANNOT CHANGE.
OR IS THAT
CHANGE THE THINGS
YOU CAN'T ACCEPT?
I'M ONLY INTERESTED
IN THE CHANGE
STOLEN FROM
THAT CASH REGISTER.
WHOA! WHOA!
WAAH-HOO!
WAAH-WAAH-WAAH!
[CRASH]
HEY, GOOD IDEA, D.W.
THESE SPILLED GUMBALLS OUGHTA
LEAD US TO THE CROOKS.
AHEM.
EXCUSE ME.
WERE YOU ROBBED BY
A COWBOY AND AN INDIAN?
A COWBOY
AND AN INDIAN?
DON'T BE SILLY.
IT WAS TWO PIRATES.
TWO PIRATES?
OF COURSE.
AND THEY
DIDN'T ROB US.
THEY JUST WANTED
TO TRY THIS NEW KIND
OF BOWLING WITH...
A PACK
OF WILD PANTHERS.
A PACK OF WILD PANTHERS?
SO WE SAID
OKEY-DOKEY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT,
LAUNCHPAD?
THEY SAID OKEY-DOKEY.
SHH.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHH?
THEY HATE
LOUD NOISES.
THEY?
[GROWLING]
NICE KITTIES.
PRETTY KITTIES.
COWBOYS AND INDIANS
COMMITTING CANDY CRIMES?
PIRATES PLAYING
WITH PANTHERS?
TWO CIRCUS CLOWNS
CREATING CHAOS
ACROSS THE CITY.
THIS CASE GETS
CRAZIER AND CRAZIER.
TO BE OR NOT?
I GUESS
THAT'S THE QUESTION.
ANON, WE SEIZE THE STAGE
TO HERE PERFORM
A PLAY TO LIFT YOUR HEARTS
AND MAKE THEM WARM.
QUACKERJACK,
THIS DRESSING UP
IN COSTUMES
IS GETTING BORING.
CAN'T WE DO
SOMETHING A LITTLE
MORE SHOCKING?
SHUSH, MEGAVOLT.
YOU'LL SPOIL
MY LITTLE DRAMA.
STRANGE. THE TRAIL LED RIGHT
INTO THE SHUBIRD THEATER.
BUT, ERE OUR FINE
AMUSEMENT MAY COMMENCE,
WE MUST COLLECT YOUR
DOLLARS AND YOUR CENTS.
LOOK. THOSE
AREN'T ACTORS.
IT'S THAT CRAZED
TOYMAKER, QUACKERJACK,
AND HIS SUPERCHARGED
PAL, MEGAVOLT.
OF COURSE.
THEY'RE BEHIND THIS
COCKAMAMIE CRIME WAVE.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
YOU THIEVING THESPIANS.
THE CITIZENS OF ST. CANARD
WON'T STAND FOR THIS
SORT OF TREATMENT!
WE DON'T MIND.
WHAT'S WITH YOU PEOPLE?
THE CITY'S
BEING ROBBED BLIND,
AND YOU ACT LIKE
NOTHING'S HAPPENING?
SO, WHAT'S
YOUR POINT?
NOT SO FAST,
EVILDOERS.
MY, MY. AREN'T
WE IN A HUFF.
MR. BANANA-BRAIN
SAYS RELAX, MAX.
WOULD EVERYONE
PLEASE STOP
TELLING ME TO RELAX?
I AM RELAXED.
I...AM...RELAXED!
OOPSY.
YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO BRING DOWN
THE HOUSE, DIPWING.
I'LL BRING YOU DOWN.
ANOTHER ELECTRIFYING
PERFORMANCE, MEGAVOLT.
HEY, COME
BACK HERE, YOU...
[COUGH COUGH]
UH-OH. D.W.
LOOKS LIKE
THEY GOT AWAY.
AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
I OVERREACTED.
OH. A CRIMEFIGHTER
SHOULD REMAIN CALM
AT ALL TIMES.
LAUNCHPAD, THE BOOK.
STRESS-BUSTERS.
CHAPTER ONE.
"THE FIRST STEP
TO TRANQUILLITY
IS PLENTY OF EXERCISE..."
AND YOU CAN'T BEAT
A NICE PEACEFUL JOG.
YES, NOTHING LIKE
A BRISK JAUNT
THROUGH THE NEIGHBORHOOD
TO CHASE
THOSE CARES AWAY.
AND FOR
TRUE RELAXATION,
A GENTLE MASSAGE
WILL WORK WONDERS.
AHH. JUST FEEL
THAT TENSION
BEING SQUEEZED
RIGHT OUT OF YOU.
PROPER MEDICATION
TECHNIQUES
CAN OPEN UP SHINING
NEW VISTAS OF SERENITY.
SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND FOCUS ON
A RESTFUL IMAGE,
SUCH AS A TROPICAL ISLAND
OR A SUNSET.
ANY CALMING IMAGE
WILL DO NICELY.
A FIELD OF
WIND-SWEPT FLOWERS,
A MOUNTAIN STREAM.
HE MUST BE READING
CHAPTER SEVEN,
"REDECORATING
FOR RELAXATION."
HE DOESN'T LOOK
SO RELAXED.
HA HA HA HA!
SHH. SHH.
IT'S A FLY. HA HA!
GOT HIM!
DAD, STOP!
HE-YAH!
OUCH.
OUCH.
SINGED BUT TRIUMPHANT.
[FLY BUZZES]
MAYBE IT'S TIME
THAT WE READ
CHAPTER 12, D.W.--
"SEEKING
PROFESSIONAL HELP."
VAT A TENSE LITTLE
PUPPY YOU ARE, NO?
WELL,
WE CAN HELP YOU.
I AM DR. HEEBY.
I AM DR. JEEBY.
SAY, YOU TWO LOOK
AWFULLY FAMILIAR.
ACH! YOU'RE
HAVING DEJA VU.
THIS COULD
BE SERIOUS.
JA, JA, JA.
VE MUST FIRST LEARN
VAT IS MAKING YOU
SO TENSE.
PERHAPS IT'S
THE VIOLENCE OF
MODERN SOCIETY, HUH?
VE NEED TO GET HIM
IN TOUCH
MIT HIS
INNER CHILD SELF.
HERE. YOUR REACTION
TO THIS SIMPLE
CHILD'S TOY
VILL HELP US
TO UNDERSCHTAND
YOUR PROBLEM.
[POP GOES THE WEASEL
PLAYS]
NOW VE SEE
VAT IS EATING YOU.
EATING YOU.
HA HA HA!
[PANTING]
DEFINITELY
TENSE.
YOU NEED
TO CALM DOWN.
I KNOW VAT
VOULD FIX HIM,
DR. HEEBY.
HE NEEDS
A LITTLE JOLT
FROM OUR RELAXATRON.
RELAXATRON?
OF COURSE.
YOU'RE THE ONES TURNING
EVERYONE INTO ZOMBIES.
YOU'RE QUACKERJACK
AND MEGAVOLT.
YOU GOT IT,
BANANA-BEAK.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU--
LET ME GO.
AND GUESS WHO'S NEXT
TO GET FRIED, CLYDE?
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
HA HA HA!
IT'S PLAYTIME!
WHOA. MUST BE
SOME NEW RELAXATION
TECHNIQUE.
KEEN GEAR!
HOW'D YOU GET SO WIGGLY?
SPECIAL...
NEWS BULLETIN.
TWO GIANT PUMPKINS
SNUCK INTO THE MUSEUM
AND FORCIBLY BORROWED
PRICELESS EGYPTIAN STUFF.
NO BIG DEAL, REALLY.
GEE, D.W.
GIANT PUMPKINS!
THAT MUST BE
QUACKERJACK AND MEGAVOLT
IN COSTUME AGAIN.
THEY'RE RUNNING
THE STRESS-FREE CLINIC.
QUACKERJACK AND MEGAVOLT
RUN THE CLINIC?
YEAH. THEY GAVE ME
THIS WADDLEMAN RADIO.
JUST THE THING
TO HELP YOU RELAX.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO HELP YOU UNRELAX
SO YOU CAN CLOBBER
THOSE CROOKS.
LET'S
GET MISCHIEVOUS!
HE HATES ME DOING THIS.
OOH! NOW I'M MAD!
SEE?
WHEW!
FOR A SECOND THERE,
I THOUGHT I NEEDED
NEW BATTERIES.
[HUMMING]
OH!
TA-DA!
IT'S THE GREAT
TOY PYRAMID!
A COLOSSAL TRIBUTE
TO ST. CANARD'S
NEW LAW--
THE LAW OF FUN!
GOT THAT RIGHT,
DWIGHT.
NOW THAT EVERYBODY'S
SO CAREFREE,
WE'LL HAVE
ALL THE FUN WE WANT.
I AM THE TERROR...
UH...AND THEN SOMETHING
ABOUT FLAPPIN', RIGHT?
RIGHT. SAY SOMETHING
TO STRIKE FEAR
IN THEIR HEARTS.
WOW. COOL HATS.
DAD, THEY'RE
THE BAD GUYS.
YOU FOIL 'EM,
NOT FLATTER 'EM!
OOH, GETTING UPSET,
YOUNG LADY?
WE KNOW
HOW TO CURE THAT.
MEET MR. RELAXATRON!
YIPE!
YIPE!
DRAT!
MY BATTERY'S LOW.
OH, GOOD GOING, SPARKY.
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!
O.K., YOU ASKED FOR IT.
SUCK GAS, EVILDOERS!
EEW!
MMM! CAJUN-SYTLE
PICKLE RELISH.
HAH! C'MON, LET'S GO
WREAK SOME HAVOC...
SPARKY.
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!
YOU PUT RELISH
IN THE GAS GUN?
SURE. EVEN
A RELAXED CRIMEFIGHTER
HAS TO BE PREPARED.
PREPARED FOR WHAT?
A LITTLE SNACK.
BEHOLD.
KRAZY KEVIN'S
KLASSIC KOCKTAIL WIENIES.
YAY!
MY FAVORITE!
OHH!
GROOVY!
FABULOUS!
WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR, SPARKY?
HURRY UP AND RECHARGE
YOUR BATTERY!
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!
WOW. I NEEDED THAT.
I'M GLAD YOU GOT
SUCH A CHARGE,
BECAUSE YOU DESTROYED
MR. RELAXATRON!
OH, TERRIFIC.
A BLACKOUT.
HOW ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO SEE?
WHY DONCHA
LIGHT A CANDLE, RANDALL?
THAT'S IT!
THANKS, MR. BANANA-BRAIN.
DING, DING, DING!
[IMITATING SIREN]
THERE.
NOW WE CAN SEE.
NICE SHOOTIN', QUACKIE!
BUT DON'T FIRE ENGINES
SPRAY WATER?
NO. THEN THEY'D BE
WATER ENGINES.
DO WE HAVE ONE?
I THINK WE NEED IT.
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
OH...UH...DON'T WORRY.
IT'LL BURN ITSELF OUT.
AAH!
AAH!
GREAT. I SEE IT
IN THE HISTORY BOOKS--
"HERO TWIDDLES,
WHILE ST. CANARD BURNS."
I SUPPOSE THIS
COULD BE A PROBLEM.
THAT WASN'T SO BAD.
IT'S DARKWING DUCK!
WE'RE SAVED!
OH, QUICK,
DO SOMETHING!
NO PROBLEMO.
YAY!
YAY!
IF THERE'S ONE THING
A FIRE'S GOOD FOR,
IT'S TOASTING KRAZY KEVIN'S
KLASSIC KOCKTAIL WIENIES.
YOU REALLY OUGHTA
TRY ONE.
YOU'LL LOVE 'EM.
MMM-MMM-MMM!
OOH! AAH! OOH!
OOH! AHH! OOH!
MMM-MMM!
WE'RE GETTING
OUR BEHINDS BARBECUED,
AND DARKWING DINER
IS ROASTING WIENIES!
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
THE CRAZY ONES.
YOU TURNED HIS BRAIN
INTO SPONGE CAKE, JAKE.
AAH!
I'M REALLY GLAD EVERYONE'S
HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME.
NOBODY SNUFFED THE FIRE?
SNUFF THE FIRE?
OF COURSE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU
THINK OF THAT?
[MEGAVOLT]
ONE FIRE GOING OUT.
TA-DA!
MEGAVOLT--
SUPERHERO!
TA-DA!
MEGAVOLT--
SUPERFOOL!
YEOW!
HEY, THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE
A BOAT ON THEM?
WELL, SURE.
WHY DO YOU ASK?
WHOA! I GOTTA GET ME ONE
OF THESE RUBBER DUCKIES.
HEY, WAIT FOR US!
TROUBLE!
AAH!
AAH!
OH, A WATERFALL.
HOW RELAXING.
YOU'VE
RELAXED ENOUGH.
SNAP OUT OF IT!
HEY!
I'LL SHORT OUT!
SHORT OUT? THAT'S IT!
HAVE A NICE DAY.
WHAT? WHERE? WHO? WHEN?
SOMETIMES WHY.
WHOA!
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
WHOOP!
AHA!
THE ST. CANARD WATERWORKS!
YAAH! DEATH BY JACUZZI!
ALL WE WANTED
WAS SOME FUN.
GOOD. THE FUN HAS BEGUN.
HAND ME THOSE TOY TEETH,
QUACKERJACK.
BE CAREFUL.
I JUST BRUSHED THEM.
I'LL ATTACH THE TEETH
TO YOUR POWER CORD, MEGSIE,
ANDVOILA!
YIPPEE-KAI-AI!
LOOK UP THERE!
THE SHUT-OFF VALVE!
LAUNCHPAD,
DO YOU HAVE YOUR
STRESS-BUSTERS BOOK?
HERE, D.W., BUT THIS
IS NO TIME TO RELAX.
SO WHO'S GONNA RELAX?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
IT WORKED.
BUT MEGAVOLT
AND QUACKERJACK
ARE GETTING AWAY.
ALWAYS HAVE SEVERAL
RUBBER DUCKIES.
BYE-BYE, PALLIES!
I GOTTA LEAVE,
STEVE!
NO PROBLEM.
THIS IS A JOB FOR...
KRAZY KEVIN'S
KOCKTAIL WIENIES!
NOT THE WIENIES
AGAIN, DAD.
NOPE. THE TOOTHPICK.
WELL, I GUESS
WE CAN ALL RELAX NOW.
AS I WAS SAYING...
TOO BAD YOU USED ALL THOSE
KLASSIC KOCKTAIL WIENIES.
THEY MAKE THE PERFECT
PICNIC SNACK.
AHH! WHAT A LIFE!
SEE, DAD,
EVEN YOU CAN RELAX.
YOU JUST GOTTA
GET YOUR MIND
OFF CRIME.
YOU'RE RIGHT, GOS.
AHA! A LITTERBUG!
IT'S A JOB FOR--
DAD...
HEH HEH.
A JOB FOR...
THEY CITY'S CLEANUP CREW.
"LET'S ZAP EVERYONE
IN THE CITY," YOU SAID.
"LET'S DRESS UP
LIKE PIRATES."
HEY, WHY DONCHA
JUST RELAX, SPARKY?
DON'T CALL ME SPARKY,
AND I AM RELAXED!
I...AM...RE...LAXED!
AAH!