Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 50 - In Like Blunt - full transcript

Darkwing Duck gets the opportunity to work with his long-time idol Agent Blunt when SHUSH's list of agents is stolen by Blunt's long time enemy. Darkwing is quickly disillusioned of his media-induced fantasies though as friction develops between the two, causing complications in the recovery of the list. Can the two work out their differences in order to save SHUSH from annihilation?

♪ Daring duck of mystery
Champion of right ♪

♪ Swoops out of the shadows
Darkwing owns the night ♪

♪ Somewhere
some villain schemes ♪

♪ But his number's up ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ When there's trouble
you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Let's get dangerous ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing, Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Cloud of smoke
and he appears ♪

♪ Master of surprise ♪

♪ Who's that cunning mind
behind that shadowy disguise? ♪

♪ Nobody knows for sure
But bad guys are out of luck ♪

♪ 'Cause here comes ♪

- ♪ Darkwing Duck ♪
- ♪ Look out! ♪

♪ When there's trouble
you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Let's get dangerous ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Better watch out
you bad boys ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪♪

[man] The assignment
of our two field operatives

was to investigate
a smuggling ring

at the Tasty Duck
yogurt factory.

They were found by a
freezer maintenance worker
at 0500 this morning.

Two of my best agents,

frozen in a bar of banana ripple
delight. What an appalling end.

Absolutely chilling.

Darkwing Duck! You know,
you could try using the door.

Not my style.

So what's with
your chilly chums?

Oh, someone is methodically
killing my top agents.

Before this,
there was Agent Perkins

who had been investigating

the illegal import
of exotic animals.

Then there was...

A can of tuna?

[sighs] Agent Campbell.

Undercover man
at a fish-packing plant.

Canned on the job, eh?

The master list
of SHUSH agents has been stolen.

These murders were committed
as proof of possession.

The ransom note.

The fiend responsible
wants all the tea in China.

A hawk's talon! That's
the mark of Phineas Sharp,

the arch enemy
of Derek Blunt!

Ah! So you are
familiar with Derek.

Familiar? Ha!

Isn't everyone? Twenty-three
novels, 16 major motion pictures

and a whole toy line based
on his secret agent gear!

And he's the only agent

who was cunning enough
to capture Phineas Sharp.

Well, yeah. That too.

I've taken the liberty of
calling Derek out of retirement.

You're not officially
under SHUSH jurisdiction,

but I hope you'll consider
working with him on this case.


- Whatever you think is best.
- I must caution you,

don't confuse the man
with the movie character.

Derek is less...

All right, J. Gander.

What's this nonsense
about getting me a partner?

How do you... do?

[Derek] And a costumed
buffoon at that!

You know I like things simple.
I work alone!

But, Derek,
this buffoon is...

[stammering] Uh, Derek Blunt,
meet Darkwing Duck.

- An honor to meet you!
- Yes, I'm sure.

Now, Derek,
as an independent operative,

Darkwing Duck is not on the
stolen list of SHUSH spies.

Phineas knows your
techniques all too well,

yet Darkwing Duck will be the
wild card he'll never expect.

Oh, yeah, that's me all over,
a real wild card!

the joker of the deck.

Don't worry, J. Gander.

He'll come around
when he sees me in action.

Don't worry about me,
Derek Blunt.

Whether they be
spies or criminals,

evildoers everywhere fear me.

I am the terror
that flaps in the night!

I am Darkwing Du...!


[Darkwing] What happened to your
radar-shielded Lamborghini,

with the heat-seeking
missile launcher?

That exists only in the

unfortunate motion pictures
based on my biography.

Cheap theatrics
may be your cup of tea,

but they have no place in a
real agent's life... Darkwing.

[Darkwing] We're here.

You're gonna love this.

It's loaded with all the latest
in criminal-catching technology.

A good agent works out of
a cardboard box, if need be.

Well, sure, but does
a cardboard box have...

...a fully operational
optical decoder with
audio descrambling ability?

Or a peeping Tom portable super
snapshot surveillance camera

with a lightweight zoom lens?

[panting] Pretty cool,
eh, Blunty?

I'll tell ya, I could take care
of all your case-solving needs!

With all this equipment,

any idiot could take care
of my case-solving needs.

What is needed on this case
is a real agent.

Any idiot?

But it's just like the stuff
you used inGoldfeather.

I told you,
those are just movies!

Perhaps we can
get to work now

and examine the ransom note
for any possible leads?

Yes. Let's. Hmm.

You'll notice there's a sandy
substance stuck to the edge.

A sandy substance? [giggles]

What? Is that
the best you can do? Ha!

I do not leave deductions
to guesswork.


After extensive and painstaking
analysis, I can safely conclude

that, beyond
a shadow of a doubt,

this sandy substance is... sand.

Brilliant. [sniffing]

This sand could
only have come from

one particular
corner of the world.

I don't suppose you have
something so simple as a map

amongst all these gimmicks?

Do I have a map? Hoo!

The sand came from here,
in the Salad Sea.

There must be
1,000 islands there.

It'd take years to
search them all.

That is where
Phineas Sharp is hiding.

That is where he sent the note
from. That is where we must go.

You drew on my map.

The only island which does not
grow the Gurbstickular tree,

which was instrumental in
Sharp's first and only capture.

Now then, we will need
some sort of air transportation.

He drew on my map.

She's all juiced up
and ready to stir, DW.

Where are we headed?

You mean to tell me you can't
do the flying yourself?

Blunt, Launchpad.
Launchpad, Blunt.

I never needed a sidekick.

What you need
is a bonk on the beak.

[male cackling]


Uh... Uh, SHUSH
has assigned Derek Blunt

to the case,
just as you wanted, Phineas.

Excellent, excellent.

But aren't you afraid that Blunt
might outsmart you again?

I mean, it was such
a humiliating defeat.

He didn't outsmart me.

It was just bad luck
or coincidence.

He couldn't have known I'm
allergic to Gurbstickular sap.

And now is
my chance for revenge!

- Now go away.
- Whoa!

Derek Blunt. It's time to
make your retirement permanent!


Uh, that should be
the island there.

[Derek] That is
most likely his hideout.

Sharp was always a slave
to creature comforts.

Much like you, actually.

"Much like you, actually."

OK, Launchpad,
bring us in for a landing.

[Launchpad] Sure thing, DW!

[all screaming]

Are you crazy?!

Now, Darkwing,
you and your buddy can stay here

and play with your gimmicks.
I'm the expert on Sharp.

I'll have him and the
list back within the hour.

You wanna investigate this with
your Stone Age methods, fine.

I'll use a trick I learned
from the Derek Blunt movies,

where they're not afraid
of modern technology.

This jet pack will fly me
over this jungle in a second.

Just watch my dust!

- [laughs weakly]
- [birds calling]

Irritating... Arrogant little...

Mr. Legendary SHUSH spy,
thinks he knows everything...

- [crashing]
- [birds chirping]

We're wasting time.

This is what we need, my
mega-vibrating jungle slasher.


Now, maybe, we can
make some headway.

You idiot! The whole island
probably heard that!

You are not to touch another one
of your ridiculous gimmicks

without my permission!

Well, aren't we in a snit.

Gee, DW, you did
almost kill us.

So? It's not like anybody died.

Sharp's hideout
should be just over that rise.

No problem. I'll check it out
with my ultraviolet...

No! No more gimmicks!
Do you understand?


Not one! Not even
an eyebrow plucker!

- Hey, that's mine! You can't...
- [male voice] Over this way!


Keep your eyes open.

The boss'll murder us
if we lose another one.

Down there.
Somewhere in those bushes.

Any suggestions,
Mr. No Gimmicks?


[both exhale heavily]

- It's two-four, our favor.
- No way!

Never let
an embezzler keep score.

What Is this?
Beach Party Bozos?

We'd better check it out.

- [up-tempo music plays]
- [indistinct chattering]



[Darkwing] It's Steelbeak
and Ammonia Pine.

[Launchpad] Looks like
Ammonia's cleaning up.

But they're two of Fowl's top
agents. What're they doing here?

It should be obvious
even to you, Darkwing.

This resort is a cover.

Phineas Sharp has
gathered these villains

in order to auction off
his list of SHUSH agents.

You mean our list.
We have to get inside.

We'll need disguises.

We must blend in completely.

[Darkwing] I can blend in
as well as the next guy.

Perhaps, given who
the next guy is.

Hey, guys,
it's me, Launchpad!

[laughs] I can tell
you're impressed.

This disguise is so good,
even I can't tell I'm me.

Don't say a thing.

It's a rather
brilliant diversion.

You two! I suppose you
didn't think I'd notice you.

Quit goofing off!
Get these bags to their rooms!

Yes, sir. Right away,
sir, Bags"R"Us!

And be quick about it!

Oh, yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
Immediately, right away.

Ah, Horatio. Tonight's auction
of SHUSH's agent list

will not only
bring me millions,

but will also provide the
perfect bait for Derek Blunt.


Oh, dear, have someone get rid
of this. The fruit's going bad.

I gotta warn the guys.

Darkwing Duck decides
it's a doofus disguise.

The bellboy bluff
detracts dangerously
from his detective duties.

And I didn't even get a tip.

I want everything perfect
for the auction tonight!

- No detail must be overlooked.
- Quick!

[Phineas] Dirty laundry
in the hallways.

This is just the sort of thing
I'm talking about.

- [panting]
- Dump it.

[Horatio] Yes, sir.
Right away, sir.

[both yelling]


[Derek] This must be
Sharp's stronghold.

The agent list
is sure to be inside.

We could waltz through
that door in a heartbeat

with my
lock picking equipment.

But no,
it seems to be missing.

Gee, someone must have thrown it
in a lake or something!

A real agent works
with what is at hand.

- Ouch!
- This should be
simple to override.


- [beeping]
- Duck!



Oh! Next time,
try being more specific.

It just says "gotcha."


- Get out! It's a trap!
- What're you talking about?

[Phineas] Ahh.

It's just a little game
Derek and I have played

throughout the years.

Your retirement
is slowing you down, Derek.

I'd expected you
15 seconds earlier.

- Gotcha.
- [growls] Why, you...

[stammers] Guys!
It's a trap!

I guess you know that.

Don't worry, Blunt. I've been
in tougher spots than this!

Of course, I usually wake up
before I find out what happens.

Me too. I hate it
when that happens.

You will notice my resort
boasts every modern amenity,

including this fabulous
exercise clinic.

Now, before I go,
let me show you

some of this room's
special features.

As your friend here
loses weight,

he will rise up on the scale.

[whistle blows]

Train's leaving on track nine.

When the balance arm lowers,

the hook will
release this chest pull,

which will fly into
this dumbbell,

thereby releasing this Olympic
roller skate and burning candle

to roll down this
cleverly tilted table

and come to a stop
at this pile of weights,

directly under
this crucial rope.

The candle will
burn through the rope,

releasing these weights
to which you two are tied.

The weights will fall,
stretching you.

And after a minute
of excruciating pain...

- [both gulp]
- ...you'll be torn in half.

I'd love to stay and work out,
but I have an auction to hold.

[yawns, chuckles] Something
about a list of secret agents

which will destroy SHUSH
and make me a billionaire.

So this is how it ends.
Ripped in two.

And what do I have
to show for it? Nothing.

- No friends, no family.
- [grunting]

I've got nothing
but a bunch of tawdry films

with no artistic merit

[panting] Yeah, whatever.

I'm sorry
I threw your things away.

Actually, I thought them
more impressive

than the gimmicks
inLive and Let Spy.

Gimmicks! That's right, I've got
an acid pellet in my cuff link!

If I can just squirt it
onto the ropes,

the acid will burn
my hands free,

and I can untie us all!

- [Launchpad] All right, DW!
Good plan.
- Oops.


It got the table leg!
Now what?


All right!
Ya got the floor goin'.

Gee, I don't really see the
point of burning the ropes, DW.

Won't that rip you in half?

[struggling] Got any more...

A real agent
uses what's at hand.


[Darkwing grunts]
I think I can slip free now.


Smashing job!

I've misjudged you, Darkwing.

You saved my feathers.
Thank you.

No time for that, Blunty.
We've got to stop that auction!

Let's get dangerous.

Yeah. Let's do it to it.

Uh, guys? Guys!

[all chattering, yelling]

Now, now, now. I could hardly
let you pass up the opportunity

to collect some excellent
criminal mementos from
my illustrious career.

- [blows raspberries]
- These are priceless souvenirs.


And we won't get to the list
until they're sold.

- [crowd quiets]
- That's better.

Now, from the kosher deli caper,
we have Hershel's cat.

Mac, I'm supposed to drop this
here. Where do you want it?

Backstage, I guess.

Now, what do I hear
for this whimsical souvenir

from my case
of the udder disaster?

Shall we start at $1,000?

[all chanting] Sell the list!
Sell the list! Sell the list!

[chanting continues]

Oh, very well, we will now
commence the bidding on
the SHUSH list of...


Uh.. uh... [stammering]
I'll let Horatio do the honors.

We've got the list,
let's split.


Don't be a fool, Sharp.
You won't get away with this!

Oh, really? Watch me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

there are some very
mean people outside,

waiting for their

So this is to be the end
of Derek Blunt.

Quivering in a closet
with a costumed buffoon!

Goodbye, Blunt.

Make a movie out of that.


He's gone.

Pretty clever, you, using
my other acid cuff link

to eat through
the floor like that!

Ah, I suppose even a real agent
needs a gimmick or two.

Ah, good, everything
seems to be in order.


- Congratulations.
- [snorting] Thank you.

[alarm sounds]

But... if they have the list,
then what does...?

"Bread, milk,

Don't sound like no list
of SHUSH agents.

- Sounds like a fake.
- [yells]

[both] Gotcha!

[laughing] Blunty,
did you see Sharp's face

when Hammerhead grabbed him?

It's been quite a while
since I've had this much
fun on a mission.

What, are you kidding?
Ha! This was nothing.

All the same,
I hope I wasn't too hard on you.

Aw, no sweat.

[stammers] Sweat. [gasps]


[approaching footsteps]

Launchpad! Are you all right?

Don't worry, guys, I'll be fine
after a little vacation.

Hmm, I wonder if this hotel
gives reduced rates.

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪