Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 49 - Let's Get Respectable - full transcript

When a news report shows the bad public opinion of Darkwing Duck, he decides to do an image makeover. With the help of Gosalyn and Honker, he transforms his mysterious "terror that flaps in...

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT OF
THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE SOME
VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS ARE
OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

ON ST. CANARD TONIGHT

I'LL COMPARE
THOSE MEN OF MYSTERY

WHO UPHOLD JUSTICE
WITH FEATS OF DARING.

TOPPING THE LIST
IS, OF COURSE...

GIZMODUCK!

YES! GIZMODUCK.

OH, PUH-LEASE.

WHAT CAN WE SAY

ABOUT THAT
WONDERFUL, HEROIC,

AWE-INSPIRING,
ONE-OF-A-KIND...

GIZMODUCK?

I'M GONNA BE SICK.

SHH, DAD!

LOOK, IT'S YOU.

SO, SAVING THE BEST
FOR LAST, EH?

WAAAAAY AT
THE BOTTOM OF OUR LIST

IS, UM, UH...

DARK...WORM DUCK!

THAT'S DARKWING!
DARKWING!

THAT DARKWORM DUCK
RAN OVER MY FOOT.

HE SHOULD BE ARRESTED.

HEY! SHE WAS JAYWALKING.

I WAS AFTER FELONS.

HE SCARES ME.

HE GIVES US
NIGHTMARES.

THE VIDEO STORE'S
HORROR SECTION IS
KEEPING THEM AWAKE.

HE KNOCKED A BUILDING
RIGHT FROM UNDER ME.

DAD!
HEY!

DON'T MENTION
THE BUILDING WAS A HIDEOUT

FOR TWO DESPICABLE
DESPERADOES!

OH, GIZMODUCK.

HMPH!

WHAT A JOKE.

IT MAKES ME LAUGH.

I'D LIKE
SOME UNDERSTANDING

FROM THE CITIZENS

FOR WHOM
I RISK MY NECK.

I ONLY WANT RESPECT.

I'M JUST MISUNDERSTOOD.

YOU'RE MYSTERIOUS.

YOU'RE THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS.

BUT NO ONE'S
SURE WHY I FLAP.

THE POLICE
THINK I'M A CROOK.

YOU'VE GOT
AN IMAGE PROBLEM.

GOOD THING
I'M YOUR DAUGHTER.

THIS REQUIRES
A COMPLETE IMAGE MAKEOVER.

I LIKE
MY MYSTERIOUS IMAGE.

BUT YOU NEED AN IMAGE
THAT THE PEOPLE WANT.

WHAT I NEED
IS AN IMAGE
THE PEOPLE WANT!

WHY DIDN'T
I THINK OF THAT?

WHY ARE WE WAITING?

LET'S GET CREATIVE.

O.K., DAD.
TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

I'M THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I'M THE PIT BULL

THAT BITES
THE ANKLE OF CRIME.

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

PRETTY DARNED
EFFECTIVE, I'D SAY.

YOU HAVE ZERO PROFILE

AS THE CURRENT
DARKWING DUCK.

YOU'VE GOT NO SPIN.

I'M A SPINNIN' FOOL.

JUST WATCH ME!

AHA!

NOPE. THE SMOKE'S
GOT TO GO.

THE CAPE'S
JUST NOT HAPPENING.

NO BLUE SMOKE?
NO CAPIE?

SMOKE DOESN'T SKEW WELL
WITH THOSE 18 TO 49.

ECOLOGY CONCERNS,
YOU UNDERSTAND.

CAPES ARE OLD HAT
WITH THE OVER-65 CROWD.

I KNEW THAT.

LOSE THIS.

NOT MY HAT!

THERE'S LOTS TO DO, DAD.

THERE'S NO TIME
TO WASTE.

LET'S CHECK OUT
THE WARDROBE.

NICE. MAJOR,
HIGH-PROFILE SUIT!

ISN'T IT KINDA FRILLY?

GOS WANTED RUFFLES.

RUFFLES ARE BIG
WITH ELDERLY LADIES.

GRANNY WILL BE THRILLED.

INSTEAD OF YOUR
SMOKE BOMB, TRY THESE.

FLOWER PETALS?

81.6% OF THE PEOPLE
REGARD FLOWER PETALS

AS 100%
NONTHREATENING.

MAKE YOUR ENTRANCE AGAIN.

WE'LL PROMPT YA.

OH! YEAH.

OH, HELP!
BAD GUYS ARE AROUND ME.

HYAH!

NO, NO, NO.
TOO BRASH!

BE EMPATHETIC, APPEALING.

AHEM.

I AM THE TERROR--

GOOD.

I AM THE GOOD
THAT FLAPS--

FLUTTERS.

I AM THE GOOD
THAT FLUTTERS?

I AM THE GOOD
THAT FLUTTERS
IN THE NIGHT--

NO, DAY!

I AM THE GOOD
THAT FLUTTERS IN THE DAY?

IT PLAYS!

IT SKEWS!

IT'LL PLAY IN PEORIA,
MAYBE EVEN ST. CANARD!

OH, REALLY?
YOU THINK SO, HUH?

WELL, THEN, LET'S GET--

RESPECTABLE.

UH, RIGHT.

RESPECTABLE.

YOU THINK
"THE SWAN OF PEACE"

IS BETTER
THAN "RATCATCHER"?

THINK ABOUT YOUR IMAGE.

PEOPLE WANT
A HELPFUL HERO.

LET'S PUT IT
IN THE GROUND
AND SEE WHO DIGS IT.

THAT'S THE MARKETING
SPIRIT, DAD!

IT'S TIME TO TAKE
THE NEW DARKWING DUCK

TO HIS PUBLIC.

THERE!

I HAVE TO HELP AN OLD
LADY ACROSS THE STREET?

CLICHES ARE CLICHES
FOR A REASON!

YOU GOT TO BE HELPFUL.

OH, WELL...
IF I HAVE TO.

AHEM.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

MAY I BE HELPFUL?

STOP! HALT! BRAKE!

[HORNS HONK]

THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN.

THAT WAS VERY HELPFUL.

MY PLEASURE,
DEAR, SWEET LADY.

[COUGHING]

WE'LL DISPEL
THE NIGHTMARE
IMAGE HERE, DAD.

AHEM.

DARKWING DUCK
HERE, KIDS.

HE GIVES US NIGHTMARES!

I'M HERE TO BE PALS.

LET ME JOIN THE FUN.

HOW ABOUT PLAYING
SOME DODGEBALL?

HEY! I'M GAME.

WE'LL HAVE TO INVITE
THIS GUY BACK AGAIN.

SURE! WHY NOT?

I LOVE GETTING DOWN
WITH THE KIDS.

[LAUNCHPAD]
THAT CRANE'S GONNA TOPPLE!

WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?

STAND ASIDE, SIR.

DARKWING DUCK IS
THE PEOPLE'S PROTECTOR.

I'D SAY HE'S MORE
THE PRINCE OF PAIN.

ST. CANARD CITIZENS!

IN DARKWING DUCK,

YOU HAVE A HELPFUL,

TRUSTWORTHY

PEOPLE'S PROTECTOR.

DARKWING'S NEW IMAGE
ISN'T WORKING.

IF ONLY--

AAH!

FORK OVER THE PURSE.

AAH!

GET 'EM, DAD!

THIS IS A MAJOR
PHOTO OPPORTUNITY.

I'M THE TERROR--

NO. THAT'S THE OLD YOU.

SORRY.

MINE!
GIMME!

GIMME!
MINE!

WELL.
THIS IS STRANGE.

YEAH. I DON'T REMEMBER
FLOWER PETALS IN TODAY'S
FORECAST.

DO STOP. WHERE'S
YOUR SENSE OF JUSTICE?

I LEFT IT
IN MY OTHER PANTS.

HEY, NICE BAG.

GIMME THAT!

GIMME!

GIMME!

OUCH.

WHY, YOU...

DARKWING, DON'T FORGET
THE NONVIOLENT
CONTINGENT SURVEY!

HUH? OH, YEAH.

POOR MISGUIDED SOUL.

I'M GOING
TO TELL YOUR MOTHER
ABOUT THIS.

[GULP]

MY MOTHER?
YOU WOULDN'T.

OH, WOULDN'T I?

OH, PLEASE,
PLEASE DON'T.

HERE'S YOUR BAG
OF PETALS, SIR,

YOU HELPFUL, TRUSTWORTHY
PEOPLE PROTECTOR.

IF YOU PROMISE
TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS,

WE'LL KEEP THIS
INFRACTION OF JUSTICE
BETWEEN US.

I PROMISE.
I KISS YOUR FEET.
THANK YOUSE.

MY, HEIS HELPFUL
AFTER ALL.

HEY, HE'S
NOT SO SCARY.

WHAT'S A LOUSY BUILDING

COMPARED TO
A PEOPLE PROTECTOR?

YAY!
YAY!
YAY!

HOW ABOUT,
"I'M THE GOLD AT
THE END OF THE RAINBOW?"

BRILLIANT.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

WHAT'S MY SCHEDULE
FOR TOMORROW?

AHEM. BREAKFAST
AT 7:00...

I DON'T GET IT.

THE RAINBOW END'S GOLD?

NO. WHEN WILL YOU
HAVE TIME

FOR STOPPING
THE BAD GUYS?

ONCE THE ST. CANARD
CRIMINAL ELEMENT TRUSTS
THE NEW DARKWING DUCK,

CRIMES WILL STOP
MULTIPLYING.

DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
IT ADDS UP!

MY MATH'S
TERRIBLE.

I'VE ALWAYS HATED
EVERYTHING THAT GUY
STANDS FOR,

BUT NOW
THAT GOODY-TWO-SHOES
HAS REALLY DONE IT!

HE'S SET HIMSELF UP
GREAT,

AND I'LL
KNOCK HIM DOWN

OR MY NAME
ISN'T NEGADUCK!

HI, CHIEF.
DARKWING DUCK HERE

TO OFFER
YOUR WHOLE DEPARTMENT

A WELL-DESERVED
TWO-WEEK VACATION.

I DON'T KNOW.
PROTECTING A CITY'S
A BIG JOB.

BUT AREN'T I
THE HELPFUL,
TRUSTWORTHY

PROTECTOR
OF THE PEOPLE, HMM?

[CHEERING]

HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S GO.

AND THAT'S
A WONDERFUL HAT.

YOU'RE SO HELPFUL
AND TRUSTWORTHY,
DARKWING DUCK. THANKS.

CATCH ME A BIG 'UN.
TOODLES.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
IT'S A LATE PUBLIC
OPINION BULLETIN.

YOUR PUBLIC SUPPORT
IS UNPRECEDENTED
IN ST. CANARD HISTORY.

EVEN--DARE I SAY?

DARE. DARE.

YOU'RE WEBBED FEET AND BILL
ABOVE GIZMODUCK!

YES! I AM THE TRUTH!

OH, HOW THEY DO
LOVE ME!

LOVE YOU ALL. MEAN IT.

[CHEERING]

YES, YES, ENJOY YOURSELVES.
REVEL IN ME.

I'M HERE!

DARKWING!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
ST. CANARD CITIZENS!

IT'S MY HONOR
TO PRESENT DARKWING DUCK

WITH THE KEY
TO THE CITY

AND TO BESTOW UPON HIM

THE HONORARY TITLE
OF MAYOR FOR A DAY!

[CHEERING]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY
THAT WITH DARKWING DUCK
IN CHARGE,

IT'LL BE THE CITY'S
FINEST 24 HOURS.

KEY TO THE CITY, EH?

JUST WHAT I'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR.

HE'S
SO HELPFUL.

AND TRUSTWORTHY.

UH, HE'S
THE PEOPLE'S
PROTECTOR.

YOU MORONS. THE COPS
ARE OUTTA TOWN!

WAKE UP! DARKWING DUCK'S
NOTHING WE CAN'T HANDLE.

HEY, YEAH!
ONCE A DOOFUS,
ALWAYS A DOOFUS.

HA HA! YEAH,
WHAT HE SAID.

HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!

[ALARM RINGS]

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

BOY, THIS IS FUN.

AND PROFITABLE.

PROFILE.

THEY'RE GETTING
AWAY, D.W.

FROM ME? HA!
CLOSE-UP!

QUICK, D.W.!
THERE THEY GO!

GOSALYN, GOSALYN,
MY BAG OF PETALS.

I AM THE TRUTH.

I AM THE SUPERNOVA
AT THE CENTER
OF THE UNIVERSE!

[CRASH]

I AM DARKWING SPEED BUMP.

HA HA HA HA!

STOP IN THE NAME
OF DARKWING DUCK!

DON'T MAKE US LAUGH.

YEAH, DON'T
MAKE US LAUGH.

HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!

A LITTLE LOWER,
LAUNCHPAD.

HEY!

GOIN' OUR WAY?

STOP!

I AM THE PEOPLE'S--

PROTECTOR.

I'M DARKWING
AUTO-DEPOSIT.

[BUZZ]

AS YOU PRESS MEMBERS
CAN SEE,

ALL THE NEGATIVE
ASPECTS OF SOCIETY

ARE LOCKED AWAY
AS I PROMISED.
ANY QUESTIONS?

ANYBODY HELP?

YES, A FEW CONCERNED
CITIZENS LENT A HAND.

HAVE YOU STOPPED
DIGGING POTHOLES

IN THE STREETS
AFTER DARK?

WHAT? NO, I DIDN'T--
I MEAN...

I BEEN LOOKIN' FOR
WHO'S DOIN' THAT!

HAVE YOU STOPPED
SKULKING OVER
ROOFTOPS AT NIGHT

IN ORDER TO
FRIGHTEN CHILDREN?

YES! I--
NO, I HAVE--WHAT?

I'LL NEVER SLEEP
AGAIN!

OH, DARKWING,
WHY HAVEN'T YOU STOPPED

RINGING PEOPLE'S
DOORBELLS AND RUNNING?

HE'S THE ONE!
I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!

IS IT HOT HERE,
OR IS IT JUSTMOI?

[SHOUTING AT ONCE]

LOOK, BABIES LOVE ME.

WAH! WAH! WAH!

NO, WAIT. THIS
IS A BAD DREAM.

MAMA!

MOM!

[SHOUTING]

WAH! WAH!

THAT
CONCLUDES TODAY'S
NEWS CONFERENCE.

I HAVE PRESSING
BUSINESS.

[ANGRY SHOUTS]

THAT'S RIGHT.

HE'S ABOUT TO BE PRESSED
OUT OF CIVIL SERVICE.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
CLEAN OUT THE CITY

AND BRING
EVERYTHING TO ME.

HE-HE-HE-HE-HE-HELP!

THAT SUCKER'S
GOT OUR LOLLIPOPS.

HEY!

DAD?

MR. DARKWING?

OLLY OLLY OXEN-FREE!

I'M THE SUPERNOVA
AT THE CENTER
OF THE UNIVERSE.

HE LET
THE CRIMINALS GO

TO PLUNDER
ST. CANARD.

THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS.

AND YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

NEGADUCK!

SEE FOR YOURSELVES.

HE'S GOT
THE JAIL CELLS' KEY.

DOES ANYONE

NEED AN OUT-OF-WORK
SUPERNOVA?

YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURS!

THERE'S D.W.

LET'S GO HELP HIM.

IS THIS ANY WAY

TO TREAT THE PEOPLE'S
PROTECTOR?

DARKWING DUCK!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO MY FAIR CITY?

EVEN THOUGH MY TIME
AS HONORARY MAYOR
ISN'T QUITE UP,

THE CITY'S YOURS.

NO THANKS NECESSARY.

I'M CALLING THE POLICE!
YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!

THERE GOES
ALL OUR HARD WORK.

DAD, YOU CAN'T HIDE
FOREVER.

HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID
TO LET NEGADUCK TRICK ME?

YOU WERE
BEING YOURSELF.

ANY IDIOT
WOULD HAVE DONE
THE SAME.

THANKS.

HERE'S THE LATEST
PUBLIC OPINION.

ANY HOPE OF SALVAGING
WHAT'S LEFT

OF A BRILLIANT CAMPAIGN?

DARKWING DUCK
IS PUBLIC ENEMY
NUMBER ONE.

I'M NOT IN THIS
FOR GLORY.

I CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

MAYBE WE NEED
THE OLD DARKWING.

MAYBE WE NEED THE OLD
DARKWING DUCK.

I'M THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

ONCE A TERROR,
ALWAYS A TERROR.

YES!

I'M
THE SCRUBBING BUBBLE
TO CRIMINAL SCUM!

YES!

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

READY OR NOT, NEGADUCK,
HERE I COME.

YES!

ALL RIGHT, NOW.
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.

HOW I LOVE A GOOD,
DESTRUCTIVE THUNDERSTORM.

THIS IS IT, NEGADUCK.

EXCELLENT. GOOD WORK.

HAUL IT OVER THERE.

THE BOYS ARE WAITING
DOWNSTAIRS FOR THEIR
SHARE.

TELL YOU WHAT,

I'LL HOLD A...
GUILTY PARTY.

ALL THE REFRESHMENTS
ARE ON ME.

LET'S HOLD IT
IN THE JAIL CELLS.

PARTY? HA HA!

I WANT A GREEN HAT.

OH, BOY!
I LOVE CANDY.

HEY, DOES THIS MEAN
THERE'S NO PARTY?

OF COURSE NOT.

IT JUST MEANS
YOU'RE NOT INVITED.

MINE.

ALL MINE!

I AM THE TERROR THAT
FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!

I KNEW
IT COULDN'T LAST FOREVER.

I'M THE SHOES
THAT TRAMPLE CRIME.

NO!

YES!

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

B-B-BUT I RUINED YOU.

YOU RUINED
MY "NICE GUY" IMAGE.
THANK YOU.

THANKS?

I COULDN'T
MIND THE CITY

WHILE CARING
FOR MY NEW IMAGE.

WELL, DO DROP IN
AGAIN!

DON'T COUNT YOUR LOOT
BEFORE IT'S SNATCHED,
NEGADUCK!

WHERE DO YOU SUPPOSE
HE IS?

HMM?

RIGHT HERE...

WITH ST. CANARD'S
WEALTH.

IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN YOU
TO TAKE IT AWAY.

YOU SEEM TO FORGET
HOW MIGHTY I AM.

AAH!

WHOA!

AAH!

OOH! AAH!

MY, HOW THE MIGHTY
ARE FALLEN.

[CRASH]

AAH!

OH!

GRRR.

IT'S PARTY TIME!

HOLY SMOKE!

DARKWING DUCK
LEFT ST. CANARD'S
LOOT HERE.

AND A NOTE.

IT SEEMS NEGADUCK
WAS BEHIND THIS.

DARKWING
LOCKED HIM UP
DOWNSTAIRS.

THE OLD DARKWING'S
BACK.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

HE'LL BE WEARING
THAT STUPID HAT.

AND THIS YEAR'S
MYSTERIOUS HERO AWARD
GOES TO...

ENVELOPE, PLEASE.

DARKWING DUCK.

HEY, THIS LOOKS LIKE
GIZMODUCK.

UH, HEH, HEH.

THE TROPHY SHOP
DID A RUSH JOB.

WELCOME BACK, DARKWING.