Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 48 - A Duck by Any Other Name - full transcript
♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
YOU WILL HAND OVER
YOUR DILITHIUM-4
CRYSTALS IMMEDIATELY,
OR WE WILL VAPORIZE THIS
ENTIRE SECTOR OF THE GALAXY.
HIT THEM WITH
THE STUN BEAMS!
[BOINK]
CUT! PRINT!
[CHORTLING]
THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP
FOR CRIME,
ONE GIANT LEAP
FOR THE CRIMINAL MIND.
THE DIAMOND DUCK
OF ST. CANARD,
THE CITY'S SYMBOL.
THIS DEMANDS
A CLOSE-UP.
SOMEDAY THE FILMS
OF MY CRIMES
WILL BE WORTH MORE
THAN WHAT I STEAL.
UNTIL THEN, THESE
KEEP ME IN POPCORN.
[DEVILISH LAUGHTER]
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
IT'S THAT
INFERNAL DUCK.
QUICKLY!
EXIT, STAGE RIGHT!
I AM THE FEATHERY
PHANTOM
THAT HAUNTS
YOUR NIGHTMARES.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
IMPOSSIBLE!
HE'S EVERYWHERE!
RUN!
IT'S A PIECE
OF CAKE--
WITH SOME HELP.
LAUNCHPAD,
TUSKERNINNI'S MINE.
YOU HEAD OFF
HIS GANG.
SURE THING, D.W.
[SCREECH]
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING
ON CITY HALL.
CRANK UP THE CAMERA.
AW, DON'T GO,
TUSKERNINNI.
I HAVE AN ITCH
TO TALK TO YOU.
HA! A MISFIRE.
OOH! OOH! OOH!
THIS GUY'S INCREDIBLE.
I THOUGHT HE WAS
AFTER PUBLICITY.
LET ME SEE--
HOW WOULD D.W. DO THIS?
UH, SURRENDER,
YOU EVIL-DOING BAD GUYS
OR FACE THE DOOM
OF DARKWING DUCK.
YOUR CRIMINAL CAREER
IS FINISHED, TUSKERNINNI.
I BELIEVE MY PUBLIC
DEMANDS A CURTAIN CALL.
YEEOW!
HE COULD BE KILLED!
A POSSIBLE
PRIME-TIME SPECIAL!
I SHOULD HAVE SKIPPED
THAT EXTRA DOUGHNUT.
WHY, WHAT'S THIS--
SOMEONE AUDITIONING FOR
MY SCIENCE-FICTION EPIC?
I HAVE THE PART
FOR YOU--
A FALLING STAR.
YEEOW!
AAH!
POOR DARKWING.
PARTING IS SUCH
SWEET SORROW.
DON'T LOSE ANY SLEEP
OVER IT, TOOTHY.
I WANT THAT DIAMOND!
THE STAGE IS
TOO CROWDED.
WE'LL WAIT
FOR ACT TWO.
DID YOU GET THAT
ALL ON TAPE?
RELAX, GLAMOURPUSS.
YOU'RE TALKING
TO A PROFESSIONAL.
THANK YOU!
WAIT A MINUTE--
THERE'S MORE.
WE BLEW IT, LAUNCHPAD.
I WAS ALREADY READING
THE HEADLINES--
"DARKWING DUCK NABS
NEFARIOUS FLEEING FELON."
NOT THAT FAME MEANS
ANYTHING TO ME, OF COURSE.
GEE, I'M AWFUL
SORRY, D.W.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
DON'T WORRY, PAL.
NOBODY EXPECTS YOU
TO BE DARKWING DUCK.
AT LEAST WE STOPPED
THAT HAMBONE
TUSKERNINNI.
DARKWING DUCK
SURVEYS THE CITY,
HIS CITY.
THE PLANS OF ANOTHER
VILLAIN CRUMBLE.
THE SOLID CITIZENS
OF ST. CANARD
CAN GO TO BED,
CERTAIN THEIR CITY
IS SAFE.
NO WAY!
I'M NOT EVEN TIRED.
IF YOU WANT ME,
YOU'VE GOT TO TACKLE ME.
HAVE IT YOUR WAY,
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BED.
OH, BOY! JUST IN TIME
FORPELICAN'S ISLAND.
FLIPPER! AN APE
TOOK BARBARA ANN!
OH, COME ON,
LITTLE BUDDY.
NO, HONEST, FLIPPER.
THIS GREAT BIG APE
WITH FANGS,
ALL HAIRY AND SMELLY.
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM
WITH THIS BULLETIN.
A ROBBERY WAS FOILED
BY THAT MASKED AVENGER,
DARKWING DUCK.
HEY! THAT'S ME!
IN THIS EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE,
THE INTREPID HERO BATTLES
THAT THESPIAN THIEF
TUSKERNINNI.
GO GET HIM,
DARKWING!
WITH THIS
DEATH-DEFYING MANEUVER
HE RETRIEVED THE DIAMOND DUCK
OF ST. CANARD.
A HEROIC DEED.
MAJOR-LEAGUE
IMPRESSIVE, DAD.
YES! YES!
I ONLY DESERVE IT.
CHANNEL 3 EXCITEMENT NEWS
HAS EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE
WHICH REVEALS THE SECRET
IDENTITY OF DARKWING DUCK.
WHAT? YOU CAN'T!
I'LL BE RUINED!
AS YOU SEE,
DARKWING DUCK IS REALLY...
LAUNCHPAD McQUACK.
WHEW! THEY GOT IT WRONG.
HEY! THEY GOT IT WRONG!
WHY DIDN'T YOU FILMME?
I'M DARKWING DUCK!
ME! ME! NOT HIM!
THEY GOT MY GOOD SIDE.
L.P, YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE.
YOU'RE NOT
DARKWING DUCK--I AM.
DON'T GET SORE.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
SORRY, LAUNCHPAD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
MY SECRET'S SAFE.
BESIDES, NOBODY WATCHES
RERUNS OFPELICAN'S ISLAND.
WHY DID YOU
KEEP IT SECRET
FROM YOUR PAL HERB?
EXCEPT OUR DEAR NEIGHBORS
THE MUDDLEFOOTS.
OH, I LOVE THAT COSTUME.
ISN'T PEACH
MORE YOUR COLOR?
THAT DOES IT!
I'M SETTING
THINGS RIGHT!
DAD, YOU CAN'T!
OH, RIGHT.
IT'S NOT SUCH
A BIG DEAL.
SO, HE'S A HERO.
IT WILL PASS.
I'LL MAKE YOU FAMOUS.
SIGN WITH ME!
I'M FROM DISNEY!
YOU GOT IT WRONG.
I'M NOT DARKWING DUCK.
SECRET IDENTITIES STINK.
COFFEE! COFFEE!
[SPLASH]
[SLURP]
[GULP]
HERE'S THE HOME
OF THAT DEBONAIR DEFENDER
OF ST. CANARD, DARKWING DUCK,
ALSO KNOWN
AS LAUNCHPAD McQUACK.
DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT
A LAUNCHPAD McQUACK
BUMPER STICKER.
GET THEM WHILE
THEY'RE HOT, BABE.
ALL OF YOU OUT!
GET YOUR JUNK
OFF MY PROPERTY!
OUT! OUT! OUT!
MY OWN DAUGHTER
BETRAYS ME?
AND YOU.
ET TU, HONKER?
BUT DAD, I ONLY
DID THIS TO, UM,
HELP YOU KEEP
YOUR SECRET.
DOES IT SAY "STUPID"
ON MY BEAK?
THANKS FOR LETTING ME
OPEN THE MALL,
BUT I DON'T
DESERVE IT.
I'M NOT DARKWING DUCK.
OH! SO BRAVE
AND YET SO MODEST.
[SNIP]
I'LL PUT AN END
TO THIS NONSENSE.
I'LL BE HEROIC
ELSEWHERE.
THAT WILL PROVE
LAUNCHPAD'S NOT
DARKWING DUCK.
I JUST NEED--
AHA!
IT'S OUR HOUSE, DUDE.
WE FORGOT OUR KEYS.
OUR MOTHER'S ASLEEP.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TO MY BOYS?
JUST MAKING SURE
THE LITTLE NIPPERS ARE
ALL TUCKED IN FOR THE NIGHT.
SORRY, DIRTBAGS.
YOU PICKED THE WRONG
HOUSE TO HEIST.
THOUGHT I WAS
AT THE MALL?
YOU GUESSED WRONG,
BECAUSE I'M THE REAL
DARKWING DUCK.
O.K., TINY, GRAB SOME SKY
OR SUCK GAS.
JUST MOVING MEN, EH?
WELL, CARRY ON,
CITIZENS.
MY MISTAKE.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
GREAT. SUDDENLY THE CITY
IS UTTERLY DEVOID OF CRIME.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
NO MISTAKE THIS TIME.
THIS IS A JOB
FOR DARKWING DUCK!
SO, THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD
NOTICE YOUR CRIME,
EH, SCUM?
THIS IS MY CITY,
AND NO CRIME
GOES UNPUNISHED.
LITTERBUG!
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I'M THE REAL
DARKWING DUCK!
OH, SURE YOU ARE.
WE BELIEVE YOU.
SO DARKWING DUCK
HAS FINALLY SLIPPED UP.
HOW FOOLISH TO GIVE AWAY
ONE'S SECRET IDENTITY.
A SERIOUS MISCUE.
WELL, HE SHOULD BE
EASY ENOUGH TO FIND.
PHONE BOOK.
HMM, LET'S SEE.
YES! YES! HERE IT IS!
LAUNCHPAD McQUACK.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
McQUACK PRODUCTIONS.
TALK TO ME, BABE.
YES. IS THIS THE HOME
OF LAUNCHPAD McQUACK,
ALSO KNOWN AS
DARKWING DUCK?
YES. WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
MAKE IT SNAPPY.
WE'RE BOOKED SOLID.
LET'S SAY IT'S
AN OLD FRIEND
WHO'S PLANNING
A SURPRISE VISIT.
NO NEED TO
BOTHER HIM.
TA-TA.
TIME FOR A NEW SCRIPT.
THIS ONE'S A COMEDY.
I CALL ITTHE DESTRUCTION
OF DARKWING DUCK.
THE PERFECT COSTUME--
AN AIR ACE
TO COMBAT AN AIRHEAD.
IS THE BOMB READY?
EXCELLENT.
JELLY DOUGHNUT.
THANK YOU.
HERE IS THE ADDRESS.
539 AVIAN WAY.
NOW MAKE AIRPLANE NOISES.
[AIRPLANE NOISES]
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
CAN WE GO HOME NOW?
CAN'T SAY NO
TO THE BOYS IN BLUE.
YEAH, DAD. IT'S GOOD
PUBLIC RELATIONS.
THAT WAS $24.50
FOR THE 8 x 10s,
AND $12.00 FOR
THE WALLET-SIZE.
I, THE GREAT
WALRUS PEPPER,
PILOTEXTRAORDINAIRE,
WILL NOT REST UNTIL
THE SCARLET BARON
CRASHES IN FLAMES.
CUT! PRINT IT!
ANY SIGN OF
DARKWING DUCK'S HOUSE?
EXCELLENT!
LIGHTS, CAMERA...
ACTION!
GIVE ME ONE OF
YOUR BUNS, HONEYBUNCH.
I'LL TOAST IT FOR YOU.
I THINK THE CHARCOAL'S
TOO HOT.
[BOMB TICKING]
[CRASH]
YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
[KABOOM]
DID YOU PUT TIN FOIL IN THE
MICROWAVE AGAIN?
HUH! THAT EXPLAINS IT.
HERB AND CHARCOAL STARTER
ARE A DANGEROUS MIX.
YOU FOOLS BOMBED
THE WRONG HOUSE!
IDIOTS! AMATEURS!
EXTRAS!
CHILDREN?
YES, CHILDREN.
THE WEAK LINK
IN THE DARKWING ARMOR.
TIME FOR
A COSTUME CHANGE..
BUT I CAN'T BE
DARKWING DUCK--
THAT'S YOU.
NOT ANYMORE.
I'LL COME UP WITH
A NEW IDENTITY,
A BETTER IDENTITY.
THE MIDNIGHT MALLARD.
NAH!
I'LL CALL
THAT NEWS GUY
AND TELL HIM
I'M NOT DARKWING.
THE MYSTERIOUS
SNICKERSNACK!
THAT WON'T WORK.
I TELL EVERYBODY THAT.
THEY THINK I'M MODEST.
IMPRESSES LADIES, THOUGH.
DOUBLE-O DUCK.
POND. JAMES POND.
REGISTERED TO THRILL.
I DON'T KNOW--
SEEMS KIND OF SILLY.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M STEPHEN SPECTACLE,
THE GREAT DIRECTOR.
YOU WANT TO MAKE A MOVIE
ABOUT DARKWING DUCK?
TAKE A NUMBER.
LET ME EXPLAIN.
THIS FILM WILL BE
ABOUT, UH...
YES,
ABOUT PEOPLE
AROUND DARKWING DUCK.
THE FAMILY BEHIND HIM,
SO TO SPEAK.
WE'LL BE MOVIE STARS,
HONKER!
I'LL TELL DAD!
DON'T BOTHER HIM
WITH DETAILS.
LET'S MOVE IT, BOYS!
TIME TO CHANGE REELS.
[CHORTLING]
BREAK OUT
THE KLIEG LIGHTS!
CALL MY AGENT!
I'M TOO GOOD!
TOSS HIM IN, CECIL.
QUIT PLAYING.
BRING THAT GIRL HERE.
YOU GUYS
ARE HISTORY!
DARKWING DUCK
WILL RESCUE US.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
COUNTING ON.
SOON THE DIAMOND DUCK
WILL BE MINE.
AND DARKWING DUCK
WILL BE NOTHING BUT
A NEWSREEL MEMORY.
PRESENTING...
THE SCARLET BAFFLEQUACK!
WHOA!
HEY, WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
HERB AND BINKIE CALLED.
TIME FOR HONKER'S DINNER.
I'M AFRAID HE'S
GOING TO BE LATE.
A POPCORN BUCKET?
YOU DIDN'T SAVE ME SOME?
A KIDNAPPER'S NOTE
FROM TUSKERNINNI.
HE HAS THE KIDS.
"IF YOU WANT TO SEE
THE BRATS ALIVE,
BRING THE DIAMOND DUCK
TO THE MULTIPLEX
THEATER TONIGHT."
HE'S LURING YOU
INTO A DEATHTRAP.
ME? I DON'T NEED
A DEATHTRAP.
IT COMES WITH
THE TERRITORY.
EVERYONE THINKS
YOU'RE DARKWING.
WHEW! YOUR JOB
SURE HAS DRAWBACKS.
BUT THIS IS A JOB
FOR THE REAL DARKWING DUCK.
BOTH OF THEM!
I AM THE TENOR
THAT SINGS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE, UH,
ROAD SALT THAT ROTS
THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR CAR.
ALL RIGHT,
WHERE ARE THE KIDS?
RIGHT
BEHIND YOU.
[BONK]
I LIED.
HOW DARE YOU
ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME?
LIGHTS!
YOU THOUGHT THIS GLASS DUCK
WOULD DECEIVE ME?
AT LEAST I SHALL
SEE YOU FRY.
IT'S THE LAST REEL OF
THE FINAL ACT, DARKWING DUCK.
PREPARE TO MEET
HOT-BUTTERED DEATH.
THAT BUTTER WILL FRICASSEE
THE FEATHERS FROM YOUR HIDES.
NOTHING LIKE A HOT SHOWER
BEFORE RETIRING,
EH, DARKWING?
YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME
ON A PALE IMITATION.
HE'S AS PHONY AS YOUR
BUTTER-FLAVORED SYRUP.
YOU, YOU'RE NOT--
YOU'RE A VENTRILOQUIST.
HA HA HA HA HA!
NO. IT'S DEFINITELY
COMING FROM THE THEATER.
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
HE MUST BE UP IN
THE PROJECTION BOOTH.
MAYBE. OR MAYBE NOT.
NO! THIS IS ALL WRONG!
I AM DARKWING DUCK.
DON'T WORRY.
EVERYTHING'S GOING
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
I WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE CAPTURED.
WHILE DARKWING TRASHES
THE CRIMINALS, I FREE YOU.
UNFORTUNATELY,
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW.
LAUNCHPAD!
LAUNCHPAD!
HA! FLASHLIGHTS?
SURELY YOU CAN
DO BETTER THAN THAT.
GET HIM, BOYS!
SHRED HIS REELS!
I GOT IT!
WE'LL EAT
OUR WAY OUT!
COME ON, KIDS.
START CHOMPING.
HONKER, THINK.
WE HAVEN'T GOT
MUCH TIME.
WE NEED MORE POPCORN.
I'M SURROUNDED
BY MADMEN.
WE NEED MORE WHAT?
UP THERE.
THE EXTRA POPCORN WILL
ABSORB THE BUTTER.
COME ON, LAUNCHPAD.
WE NEED MORE POPCORN.
NO THANKS.
I HAVEN'T FINISHED
MY FIRSTS.
QUIT DALLYING,
AND FINISH HIM OFF.
[KABOOM]
PTOOEY!
OH, IT'S A DISASTER EPIC!
ABANDON FILM!
HEAVE AWAY!
COOL! WE'VE GOT
MUNCHIES FOR WEEKS.
BUT WHAT ABOUT TUSKERNINNI?
WE'LL ESCAPE TO FILM
ANOTHER DAY.
PERHAPS SOMETHING NAUTICAL.
STROKE! STROKE! STROKE!
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S NOT CURTAIN TIME.
THERE'S STILL
TIME FOR AN ENCORE.
OH, NO!
YOU DESERVE THE PUBLICITY
THIS TIME, TUSKERNINNI.
TAKE HIM AWAY, BOYS.
HE'S GOT A COMMAND
PERFORMANCE--
AT THE PENITENTIARY.
ST. CANARD IS SAFE
ONCE MORE,
THANKS TO THE HELP
OF MR. McQUACK.
ANYTIME,
DARKWING DUCK.
IT'S LAUNCHPAD McQUACK!
BUT I REPORTED YOU WERE
DARKWING DUCK!
MY NETWORK SPECIAL!
I'LL LOOK LIKE A FOOL!
I AM NOT DARKWING DUCK.
I WAS JUST
HELPING OUT.
HE'S THE REAL HERO.
IT WAS PART
OF HIS HEINOUS PLAN.
THAT'S "INGENIOUS PLAN."
SHH!
AND SO WE ARE
LEFT WONDERING--
JUST WHO IS
DARKWING DUCK?
BUT WHO CARES?
TONIGHT I COVER
A REALLY IMPORTANT SUBJECT--
PING-PONG AND WING-DING,
NEW BABY PANDAS
AT THE ZOO.
WHAT? PANDAS?
WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHERE'S MY FAME,
MY COMMERCIAL
ENDORSEMENTS?
I'M YESTERDAY'S NEWS,
A DISCARDED DUCK.
IMAGINE MY FEELINGS.
I'VE STILL GOT A TRUCKLOAD
OF DARKWING DUCK SHIRTS.
DO PANDAS
HAVE AGENTS?
I COULD PRETEND
TO BE A PANDA.
WE'LL MAKE A FORTUNE
IN MERCHANDISING.
♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪
♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪
♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪
♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪
♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪
3, 2, 1!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS.
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!
♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪
♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪
♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪
♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪
♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪
♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪
♪ HERE COMES ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LOOK OUT!
♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
LET'S GET DANGEROUS!
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪
♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪
YOU WILL HAND OVER
YOUR DILITHIUM-4
CRYSTALS IMMEDIATELY,
OR WE WILL VAPORIZE THIS
ENTIRE SECTOR OF THE GALAXY.
HIT THEM WITH
THE STUN BEAMS!
[BOINK]
CUT! PRINT!
[CHORTLING]
THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP
FOR CRIME,
ONE GIANT LEAP
FOR THE CRIMINAL MIND.
THE DIAMOND DUCK
OF ST. CANARD,
THE CITY'S SYMBOL.
THIS DEMANDS
A CLOSE-UP.
SOMEDAY THE FILMS
OF MY CRIMES
WILL BE WORTH MORE
THAN WHAT I STEAL.
UNTIL THEN, THESE
KEEP ME IN POPCORN.
[DEVILISH LAUGHTER]
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
IT'S THAT
INFERNAL DUCK.
QUICKLY!
EXIT, STAGE RIGHT!
I AM THE FEATHERY
PHANTOM
THAT HAUNTS
YOUR NIGHTMARES.
I AM DARKWING DUCK!
IMPOSSIBLE!
HE'S EVERYWHERE!
RUN!
IT'S A PIECE
OF CAKE--
WITH SOME HELP.
LAUNCHPAD,
TUSKERNINNI'S MINE.
YOU HEAD OFF
HIS GANG.
SURE THING, D.W.
[SCREECH]
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING
ON CITY HALL.
CRANK UP THE CAMERA.
AW, DON'T GO,
TUSKERNINNI.
I HAVE AN ITCH
TO TALK TO YOU.
HA! A MISFIRE.
OOH! OOH! OOH!
THIS GUY'S INCREDIBLE.
I THOUGHT HE WAS
AFTER PUBLICITY.
LET ME SEE--
HOW WOULD D.W. DO THIS?
UH, SURRENDER,
YOU EVIL-DOING BAD GUYS
OR FACE THE DOOM
OF DARKWING DUCK.
YOUR CRIMINAL CAREER
IS FINISHED, TUSKERNINNI.
I BELIEVE MY PUBLIC
DEMANDS A CURTAIN CALL.
YEEOW!
HE COULD BE KILLED!
A POSSIBLE
PRIME-TIME SPECIAL!
I SHOULD HAVE SKIPPED
THAT EXTRA DOUGHNUT.
WHY, WHAT'S THIS--
SOMEONE AUDITIONING FOR
MY SCIENCE-FICTION EPIC?
I HAVE THE PART
FOR YOU--
A FALLING STAR.
YEEOW!
AAH!
POOR DARKWING.
PARTING IS SUCH
SWEET SORROW.
DON'T LOSE ANY SLEEP
OVER IT, TOOTHY.
I WANT THAT DIAMOND!
THE STAGE IS
TOO CROWDED.
WE'LL WAIT
FOR ACT TWO.
DID YOU GET THAT
ALL ON TAPE?
RELAX, GLAMOURPUSS.
YOU'RE TALKING
TO A PROFESSIONAL.
THANK YOU!
WAIT A MINUTE--
THERE'S MORE.
WE BLEW IT, LAUNCHPAD.
I WAS ALREADY READING
THE HEADLINES--
"DARKWING DUCK NABS
NEFARIOUS FLEEING FELON."
NOT THAT FAME MEANS
ANYTHING TO ME, OF COURSE.
GEE, I'M AWFUL
SORRY, D.W.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
DON'T WORRY, PAL.
NOBODY EXPECTS YOU
TO BE DARKWING DUCK.
AT LEAST WE STOPPED
THAT HAMBONE
TUSKERNINNI.
DARKWING DUCK
SURVEYS THE CITY,
HIS CITY.
THE PLANS OF ANOTHER
VILLAIN CRUMBLE.
THE SOLID CITIZENS
OF ST. CANARD
CAN GO TO BED,
CERTAIN THEIR CITY
IS SAFE.
NO WAY!
I'M NOT EVEN TIRED.
IF YOU WANT ME,
YOU'VE GOT TO TACKLE ME.
HAVE IT YOUR WAY,
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BED.
OH, BOY! JUST IN TIME
FORPELICAN'S ISLAND.
FLIPPER! AN APE
TOOK BARBARA ANN!
OH, COME ON,
LITTLE BUDDY.
NO, HONEST, FLIPPER.
THIS GREAT BIG APE
WITH FANGS,
ALL HAIRY AND SMELLY.
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM
WITH THIS BULLETIN.
A ROBBERY WAS FOILED
BY THAT MASKED AVENGER,
DARKWING DUCK.
HEY! THAT'S ME!
IN THIS EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE,
THE INTREPID HERO BATTLES
THAT THESPIAN THIEF
TUSKERNINNI.
GO GET HIM,
DARKWING!
WITH THIS
DEATH-DEFYING MANEUVER
HE RETRIEVED THE DIAMOND DUCK
OF ST. CANARD.
A HEROIC DEED.
MAJOR-LEAGUE
IMPRESSIVE, DAD.
YES! YES!
I ONLY DESERVE IT.
CHANNEL 3 EXCITEMENT NEWS
HAS EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE
WHICH REVEALS THE SECRET
IDENTITY OF DARKWING DUCK.
WHAT? YOU CAN'T!
I'LL BE RUINED!
AS YOU SEE,
DARKWING DUCK IS REALLY...
LAUNCHPAD McQUACK.
WHEW! THEY GOT IT WRONG.
HEY! THEY GOT IT WRONG!
WHY DIDN'T YOU FILMME?
I'M DARKWING DUCK!
ME! ME! NOT HIM!
THEY GOT MY GOOD SIDE.
L.P, YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE.
YOU'RE NOT
DARKWING DUCK--I AM.
DON'T GET SORE.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
SORRY, LAUNCHPAD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
MY SECRET'S SAFE.
BESIDES, NOBODY WATCHES
RERUNS OFPELICAN'S ISLAND.
WHY DID YOU
KEEP IT SECRET
FROM YOUR PAL HERB?
EXCEPT OUR DEAR NEIGHBORS
THE MUDDLEFOOTS.
OH, I LOVE THAT COSTUME.
ISN'T PEACH
MORE YOUR COLOR?
THAT DOES IT!
I'M SETTING
THINGS RIGHT!
DAD, YOU CAN'T!
OH, RIGHT.
IT'S NOT SUCH
A BIG DEAL.
SO, HE'S A HERO.
IT WILL PASS.
I'LL MAKE YOU FAMOUS.
SIGN WITH ME!
I'M FROM DISNEY!
YOU GOT IT WRONG.
I'M NOT DARKWING DUCK.
SECRET IDENTITIES STINK.
COFFEE! COFFEE!
[SPLASH]
[SLURP]
[GULP]
HERE'S THE HOME
OF THAT DEBONAIR DEFENDER
OF ST. CANARD, DARKWING DUCK,
ALSO KNOWN
AS LAUNCHPAD McQUACK.
DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT
A LAUNCHPAD McQUACK
BUMPER STICKER.
GET THEM WHILE
THEY'RE HOT, BABE.
ALL OF YOU OUT!
GET YOUR JUNK
OFF MY PROPERTY!
OUT! OUT! OUT!
MY OWN DAUGHTER
BETRAYS ME?
AND YOU.
ET TU, HONKER?
BUT DAD, I ONLY
DID THIS TO, UM,
HELP YOU KEEP
YOUR SECRET.
DOES IT SAY "STUPID"
ON MY BEAK?
THANKS FOR LETTING ME
OPEN THE MALL,
BUT I DON'T
DESERVE IT.
I'M NOT DARKWING DUCK.
OH! SO BRAVE
AND YET SO MODEST.
[SNIP]
I'LL PUT AN END
TO THIS NONSENSE.
I'LL BE HEROIC
ELSEWHERE.
THAT WILL PROVE
LAUNCHPAD'S NOT
DARKWING DUCK.
I JUST NEED--
AHA!
IT'S OUR HOUSE, DUDE.
WE FORGOT OUR KEYS.
OUR MOTHER'S ASLEEP.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TO MY BOYS?
JUST MAKING SURE
THE LITTLE NIPPERS ARE
ALL TUCKED IN FOR THE NIGHT.
SORRY, DIRTBAGS.
YOU PICKED THE WRONG
HOUSE TO HEIST.
THOUGHT I WAS
AT THE MALL?
YOU GUESSED WRONG,
BECAUSE I'M THE REAL
DARKWING DUCK.
O.K., TINY, GRAB SOME SKY
OR SUCK GAS.
JUST MOVING MEN, EH?
WELL, CARRY ON,
CITIZENS.
MY MISTAKE.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN.
GREAT. SUDDENLY THE CITY
IS UTTERLY DEVOID OF CRIME.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
NO MISTAKE THIS TIME.
THIS IS A JOB
FOR DARKWING DUCK!
SO, THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD
NOTICE YOUR CRIME,
EH, SCUM?
THIS IS MY CITY,
AND NO CRIME
GOES UNPUNISHED.
LITTERBUG!
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I'M THE REAL
DARKWING DUCK!
OH, SURE YOU ARE.
WE BELIEVE YOU.
SO DARKWING DUCK
HAS FINALLY SLIPPED UP.
HOW FOOLISH TO GIVE AWAY
ONE'S SECRET IDENTITY.
A SERIOUS MISCUE.
WELL, HE SHOULD BE
EASY ENOUGH TO FIND.
PHONE BOOK.
HMM, LET'S SEE.
YES! YES! HERE IT IS!
LAUNCHPAD McQUACK.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
McQUACK PRODUCTIONS.
TALK TO ME, BABE.
YES. IS THIS THE HOME
OF LAUNCHPAD McQUACK,
ALSO KNOWN AS
DARKWING DUCK?
YES. WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
MAKE IT SNAPPY.
WE'RE BOOKED SOLID.
LET'S SAY IT'S
AN OLD FRIEND
WHO'S PLANNING
A SURPRISE VISIT.
NO NEED TO
BOTHER HIM.
TA-TA.
TIME FOR A NEW SCRIPT.
THIS ONE'S A COMEDY.
I CALL ITTHE DESTRUCTION
OF DARKWING DUCK.
THE PERFECT COSTUME--
AN AIR ACE
TO COMBAT AN AIRHEAD.
IS THE BOMB READY?
EXCELLENT.
JELLY DOUGHNUT.
THANK YOU.
HERE IS THE ADDRESS.
539 AVIAN WAY.
NOW MAKE AIRPLANE NOISES.
[AIRPLANE NOISES]
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
CAN WE GO HOME NOW?
CAN'T SAY NO
TO THE BOYS IN BLUE.
YEAH, DAD. IT'S GOOD
PUBLIC RELATIONS.
THAT WAS $24.50
FOR THE 8 x 10s,
AND $12.00 FOR
THE WALLET-SIZE.
I, THE GREAT
WALRUS PEPPER,
PILOTEXTRAORDINAIRE,
WILL NOT REST UNTIL
THE SCARLET BARON
CRASHES IN FLAMES.
CUT! PRINT IT!
ANY SIGN OF
DARKWING DUCK'S HOUSE?
EXCELLENT!
LIGHTS, CAMERA...
ACTION!
GIVE ME ONE OF
YOUR BUNS, HONEYBUNCH.
I'LL TOAST IT FOR YOU.
I THINK THE CHARCOAL'S
TOO HOT.
[BOMB TICKING]
[CRASH]
YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
[KABOOM]
DID YOU PUT TIN FOIL IN THE
MICROWAVE AGAIN?
HUH! THAT EXPLAINS IT.
HERB AND CHARCOAL STARTER
ARE A DANGEROUS MIX.
YOU FOOLS BOMBED
THE WRONG HOUSE!
IDIOTS! AMATEURS!
EXTRAS!
CHILDREN?
YES, CHILDREN.
THE WEAK LINK
IN THE DARKWING ARMOR.
TIME FOR
A COSTUME CHANGE..
BUT I CAN'T BE
DARKWING DUCK--
THAT'S YOU.
NOT ANYMORE.
I'LL COME UP WITH
A NEW IDENTITY,
A BETTER IDENTITY.
THE MIDNIGHT MALLARD.
NAH!
I'LL CALL
THAT NEWS GUY
AND TELL HIM
I'M NOT DARKWING.
THE MYSTERIOUS
SNICKERSNACK!
THAT WON'T WORK.
I TELL EVERYBODY THAT.
THEY THINK I'M MODEST.
IMPRESSES LADIES, THOUGH.
DOUBLE-O DUCK.
POND. JAMES POND.
REGISTERED TO THRILL.
I DON'T KNOW--
SEEMS KIND OF SILLY.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M STEPHEN SPECTACLE,
THE GREAT DIRECTOR.
YOU WANT TO MAKE A MOVIE
ABOUT DARKWING DUCK?
TAKE A NUMBER.
LET ME EXPLAIN.
THIS FILM WILL BE
ABOUT, UH...
YES,
ABOUT PEOPLE
AROUND DARKWING DUCK.
THE FAMILY BEHIND HIM,
SO TO SPEAK.
WE'LL BE MOVIE STARS,
HONKER!
I'LL TELL DAD!
DON'T BOTHER HIM
WITH DETAILS.
LET'S MOVE IT, BOYS!
TIME TO CHANGE REELS.
[CHORTLING]
BREAK OUT
THE KLIEG LIGHTS!
CALL MY AGENT!
I'M TOO GOOD!
TOSS HIM IN, CECIL.
QUIT PLAYING.
BRING THAT GIRL HERE.
YOU GUYS
ARE HISTORY!
DARKWING DUCK
WILL RESCUE US.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
COUNTING ON.
SOON THE DIAMOND DUCK
WILL BE MINE.
AND DARKWING DUCK
WILL BE NOTHING BUT
A NEWSREEL MEMORY.
PRESENTING...
THE SCARLET BAFFLEQUACK!
WHOA!
HEY, WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
HERB AND BINKIE CALLED.
TIME FOR HONKER'S DINNER.
I'M AFRAID HE'S
GOING TO BE LATE.
A POPCORN BUCKET?
YOU DIDN'T SAVE ME SOME?
A KIDNAPPER'S NOTE
FROM TUSKERNINNI.
HE HAS THE KIDS.
"IF YOU WANT TO SEE
THE BRATS ALIVE,
BRING THE DIAMOND DUCK
TO THE MULTIPLEX
THEATER TONIGHT."
HE'S LURING YOU
INTO A DEATHTRAP.
ME? I DON'T NEED
A DEATHTRAP.
IT COMES WITH
THE TERRITORY.
EVERYONE THINKS
YOU'RE DARKWING.
WHEW! YOUR JOB
SURE HAS DRAWBACKS.
BUT THIS IS A JOB
FOR THE REAL DARKWING DUCK.
BOTH OF THEM!
I AM THE TENOR
THAT SINGS IN THE NIGHT.
I AM THE, UH,
ROAD SALT THAT ROTS
THE UNDERSIDE OF YOUR CAR.
ALL RIGHT,
WHERE ARE THE KIDS?
RIGHT
BEHIND YOU.
[BONK]
I LIED.
HOW DARE YOU
ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME?
LIGHTS!
YOU THOUGHT THIS GLASS DUCK
WOULD DECEIVE ME?
AT LEAST I SHALL
SEE YOU FRY.
IT'S THE LAST REEL OF
THE FINAL ACT, DARKWING DUCK.
PREPARE TO MEET
HOT-BUTTERED DEATH.
THAT BUTTER WILL FRICASSEE
THE FEATHERS FROM YOUR HIDES.
NOTHING LIKE A HOT SHOWER
BEFORE RETIRING,
EH, DARKWING?
YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME
ON A PALE IMITATION.
HE'S AS PHONY AS YOUR
BUTTER-FLAVORED SYRUP.
YOU, YOU'RE NOT--
YOU'RE A VENTRILOQUIST.
HA HA HA HA HA!
NO. IT'S DEFINITELY
COMING FROM THE THEATER.
I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.
HE MUST BE UP IN
THE PROJECTION BOOTH.
MAYBE. OR MAYBE NOT.
NO! THIS IS ALL WRONG!
I AM DARKWING DUCK.
DON'T WORRY.
EVERYTHING'S GOING
ACCORDING TO PLAN.
I WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE CAPTURED.
WHILE DARKWING TRASHES
THE CRIMINALS, I FREE YOU.
UNFORTUNATELY,
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW.
LAUNCHPAD!
LAUNCHPAD!
HA! FLASHLIGHTS?
SURELY YOU CAN
DO BETTER THAN THAT.
GET HIM, BOYS!
SHRED HIS REELS!
I GOT IT!
WE'LL EAT
OUR WAY OUT!
COME ON, KIDS.
START CHOMPING.
HONKER, THINK.
WE HAVEN'T GOT
MUCH TIME.
WE NEED MORE POPCORN.
I'M SURROUNDED
BY MADMEN.
WE NEED MORE WHAT?
UP THERE.
THE EXTRA POPCORN WILL
ABSORB THE BUTTER.
COME ON, LAUNCHPAD.
WE NEED MORE POPCORN.
NO THANKS.
I HAVEN'T FINISHED
MY FIRSTS.
QUIT DALLYING,
AND FINISH HIM OFF.
[KABOOM]
PTOOEY!
OH, IT'S A DISASTER EPIC!
ABANDON FILM!
HEAVE AWAY!
COOL! WE'VE GOT
MUNCHIES FOR WEEKS.
BUT WHAT ABOUT TUSKERNINNI?
WE'LL ESCAPE TO FILM
ANOTHER DAY.
PERHAPS SOMETHING NAUTICAL.
STROKE! STROKE! STROKE!
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S NOT CURTAIN TIME.
THERE'S STILL
TIME FOR AN ENCORE.
OH, NO!
YOU DESERVE THE PUBLICITY
THIS TIME, TUSKERNINNI.
TAKE HIM AWAY, BOYS.
HE'S GOT A COMMAND
PERFORMANCE--
AT THE PENITENTIARY.
ST. CANARD IS SAFE
ONCE MORE,
THANKS TO THE HELP
OF MR. McQUACK.
ANYTIME,
DARKWING DUCK.
IT'S LAUNCHPAD McQUACK!
BUT I REPORTED YOU WERE
DARKWING DUCK!
MY NETWORK SPECIAL!
I'LL LOOK LIKE A FOOL!
I AM NOT DARKWING DUCK.
I WAS JUST
HELPING OUT.
HE'S THE REAL HERO.
IT WAS PART
OF HIS HEINOUS PLAN.
THAT'S "INGENIOUS PLAN."
SHH!
AND SO WE ARE
LEFT WONDERING--
JUST WHO IS
DARKWING DUCK?
BUT WHO CARES?
TONIGHT I COVER
A REALLY IMPORTANT SUBJECT--
PING-PONG AND WING-DING,
NEW BABY PANDAS
AT THE ZOO.
WHAT? PANDAS?
WHAT ABOUT ME?
WHERE'S MY FAME,
MY COMMERCIAL
ENDORSEMENTS?
I'M YESTERDAY'S NEWS,
A DISCARDED DUCK.
IMAGINE MY FEELINGS.
I'VE STILL GOT A TRUCKLOAD
OF DARKWING DUCK SHIRTS.
DO PANDAS
HAVE AGENTS?
I COULD PRETEND
TO BE A PANDA.
WE'LL MAKE A FORTUNE
IN MERCHANDISING.