Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 37 - Heavy Mental - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

VOLUNTEERING!
WE'LL BARELY MAKE IT
TO THE VIDEO STORE.

IT WAS ON OUR WAY HOME.

NO. VIDEO KING'S
ON OUR WAY HOME.

A SECRET SHUSH LAB
IN SWITZERLAND ISN'T.

MY PACKAGE
FROM SHUSH CENTRAL.

THANK YOU,
LAWN CHAIR.

UH, THAT'S LAUNCHPAD.

ONE CAN DROWN IN PAPERWORK
WITHOUT THIS BABY.

A STAPLER?

WE FLEW HALFWAY
AROUND THE WORLD

TO DELIVER
A STAPLER?

I GUESS
WE CAN BE GOING.

BOYS, MEET THE HEAD
OF RESEARCH HERE.

THIS IS
DR. SARA BELLUM.

HI. SORRY WE
HAVE TO LEAVE.

SWELL PLACE YOU GOT.

DR. BELLUM
HAS BEEN PERFECTING
OUR SECRET NORMA RAY.

IT CREATES
NORMA PARTICLES,

THE SOURCE
OF PSYCHIC POWERS--

FIRE-STARTING,
FUTURE-SEEING,
LEVITATION, THE WORKS.

SOURCE OF PSYCHIC POWERS?
OH, PLEASE!

DARKWING, THIS RESEARCH
IS VITALLY IMPORTANT
TO THE CAUSE.

UH-HUH.
WHAT CAUSE IS THAT?

'CAUSE IF F.O.W.L.
INVENTS ONE FIRST,
WE'RE DEAD MEAT.

F.O.W.L.--

THE FIENDISH ORGANIZATION
OF WORLD LARCENY.

WE EXPECT RESULTS

FROM F.O.W.L.'s PSYCHIC
DIVISION, MAJOR SYNAPSE,

AND WITH
YOUR NEW TROOPS.

TROOPS?
YOU CALL THESE TROOPS?

CAMERA.

FRYING PAN.

AUTOMOBILE.

UH, HEAD CHEESE.

DENVER OMELET.

TROOPS WEAR UNIFORMS.
TROOPS ARE DISCIPLINED.

TROOPS KILL THINGS.

TROOPS ALSO PERISH
WHEN THEY'RE MARCHED

INTO
ERUPTING VOLCANOES.

IT WAS NECESSARY
TO SECURE THAT VOLCANO.

GET SOME RESULTS,

AND WE'LL CONSIDER
RETURNING YOU
TO YOUR POST.

BOWLING BALL.

DENTAL FLOSS.

RESULTS?

THEY'RE NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH

FOR LUAUS
AND BIRTHDAY PARTIES!

A TUB OF LARD.

DEFINITELY
A TUB OF LARD.

WE NEED A VOLUNTEER
DEDICATED TO SHUSH

BUT NOT COVERED
BY OUR MEDICAL PLAN.

GOOD LUCK.
LET'S GO.

I'LL DO IT.

WELL-DONE,
STAMP PAD.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT

THAT YOU
DISPLAY MINIMUM
CEREBRAL ACTIVITY

WHILE THE RAY'S
ACTIVATED.

DON'T THINK.

OH, NO PROBLEMO.

SHOW ME SOME BRAIN WAVE
ACTIVITY, SOLDIERS!

LATRINE DUTY,
YOU'LL REMEMBER,

IS AN EXCRUCIATINGLY
UNAPPETIZING ASSIGNMENT,

AN ASSIGNMENT I'D
PARTICULARLY HATE TO HAVE.

AAH! AAH!
HII! HII!

NOW WE'RE TALKING.

THIS IS WHAT
I CALL BRAINPOWER.

AAH! AAH!
HII! HII!

WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS READING IS COMING
FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE.

HE DOESN'T
LOOK DIFFERENT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

WE'LL HAVE
TO TAKE APART
HIS BRAIN.

WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT?

JUST A LITTLE
MAD-SCIENTIST HUMOR.

NOW THAT YOUR
BRAIN'S SUPERCHARGED

WITH NORMA RAYS,

WE'LL TEST YOU FOR
INCREDIBLE PSYCHIC FEATS.

TRY TO LIFT
THE BALLOON.

PIECE OF CAKE.

NO. WITH YOUR MIND.

OH. SORRY.

O.K., STOP.

HUH. PRETTY INCREDIBLE.

TRY LIGHTING
THIS MATCH.

PIECE OF CAKE.

WITH YOUR MIND!

WHOOPS. YEAH.

I DON'T
UNDERSTAND.

THERE SHOULD BE
SOME REACTION.

NAME WHAT'S
IN THIS BOX.

WITH YOUR MIND!

O.K. IT'S A BIG RED
FIRE ENGINE.

HEY, HEY!

PIECE OF CAKE!

OHH! I'M A FAILURE.

OHH!

[SIREN]

ALL THIS THINKING'S
GIVING ME A HEADACHE.

MAYBE WE OUGHT TO LEAVE.

LAUNCHPAD,
YOU READ MY MIND.

"TRAIL OF THE ATOMIC SLUG,

MUTANT MECHANICS FROM MARS."

NOTHING LIKE THE CLASSICS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WELL, YOU DON'T
WANT TO BREAK IT.

INCOMING!

"ATOMIC SLUG"?
DIDN'T THEY HAVE
SPECULARS OF ZOMBIELAND?

ONLY THE COLORIZED
VERSION.

NOW, WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING...

THERE.

DID YOU PLAN THIS?

PLAN WHAT?

GOS, YOU GET THAT.
IT'S FOR YOU.

[RING RING]

HEY, ITIS FOR ME.

CUT THIS OUT!

MAYBE I GOT PSYCHIC POWERS.

NO ONE IN THEIR
RIGHT MIND COULD
HAVE PSYCHIC POWERS.

LAUNCHPAD, WHERE
DID YOU GET THAT?

UH, THE REFRIGERATOR?

AAH!

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

IT'S ON WIRES, RIGHT?

AAH!

IT'S NOT.

WAY COOL, LAUNCHPAD.

WOW!

SNOW!

AMAZING! DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS?

WE HAVE TO BUY
SNOW SHOVELS?

NO. WITH YOUR POWERS,
I'LL BE INVINCIBLE.

I'LL FREEZE ENEMIES
IN THEIR TRACKS.

I'LL DROP PIANOS ON THEM.

I'LL PREDICT
THEIR EVERY MOVE...

WITH HELP FROM YOU.

BUT THAT'LL BE
OUR LITTLE SECRET.

NOBODY WILL KNOW
EXCEPT US.

AND THE MUDDLEFOOTS.

WHY WOULD WE TELL
THE MUDDLEFOOTS?

THAT'S US. WHAT ARE YOU
HANGING AROUND HERE FOR?

GEE, DRAKE, MAYBE
YOU OUGHT TO HAVE

YOUR AIR CONDITIONER
CHECKED ON.

SO, YOU PREDICT
THE FUTURE,
LEVITATE OBJECTS,

AND MAKE IT SNOW.
WHAT ELSE?

YEOW! OW!
AAH! AAH!

[BLOWING]

I GUESS
I DO FIRE, TOO.

SORRY, D.W. IT ONLY
HAPPENS WHEN I THINK.

TRY NOT TO THINK,
O.K., BUDDY?

O.K. I'LL JUST WAIT
FOR THE BURGERS.

[GASP]

THE SECRET
OF A GREAT BARBECUE

IS USING
THE PROPER TOOLS. HUH?

OOH, HAVE SOME PUNCH?

GOODNESS, DRAKE,
YOU SURE ARE THIRSTY.

HEY, HONK.
WHAT'S UP?

HONKER, DON'T
BE SO LITERAL.

I'M NOT THINKING.

I'M NOT THINKING.

WE SHOULD'VE LEFT
YOU AT THE HOUSE.

[GASP]

SORRY. MY MIND WANDERED.

OH, DEAR.
WHERE'S THE MUSTARD?

MUST BE IN THE FRIDGE.
I'LL GET IT.

NO. I'LL GET IT.
STAY HERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

LOUSY TIMING,
STUPID BRAIN RAY...AHA!

AAH!

GEE, THANKS, DRAKE.

LOOKS LIKE YOU
NEED MORE ICE.

[GASP]

LAUNCHPAD!

WHAT? WHAT
IS IT NOW?

HE PUT
THE FIRE OUT.

SO?

POP, I DIDN'T
TOUCH THEM.

LEAVE THE COOKING
TO ME, HERB.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COOK.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
MAYBE I CAN FIX IT.

HOW DO YOU
LIKE THEM DONE?

I KIND OF
LIKE THEM...

[TOOT]

WELL-DONE.

WHAT A JERK!

WE'LL BE BACK.

JUST GOING TO
GET SOME WEENIES.

WEENIES? GREAT!

JUST FIGURES.
CAN'T FLY A PLANE.

CAN'T CONTROL
SUPERPOWERS.

WE'RE GOING
TO THAT SHUSH LAB

BEFORE YOU BLAST ME
OFF EARTH.

LET'S HURRY. SOMEONE'S ABOUT
TO STEAL THE NORMA RAY.

O.K., WAYNE,
DON'T THINK.

DESTINATION--
RIGHT ON TARGET, TROOPS.

WAYNE, I TOLD YOU
NOT TO THINK.

I REALLY NEED
SOME MORE HUMAN SUBJECTS.

CAN WE HELP?

WONDERFUL.

IT'S NICE TO HAVE
VICT--VOLUNTEERS.

O.K., TROOPS,
FALL IN FOR BLASTING.

COME ON.
DON'T BE SHY.

WHILE YOU'RE BEING BLASTED,
DON'T THINK.

WHY NOT?

YOUR HEAD
WILL EXPLODE.

SO DON'T THINK.

EXPLODE?
EXPLODE?

OF COURSE, THERE'S
ALWAYS LATRINE DUTY.

OUT OF MY WAY!

THAT'S IT. F.O.W.L.
LIKES THEIR TROOPS
TO TAKE INITIATIVE.

F.O.W.L.?
YOU'RE ENEMY AGENTS.

GET AWAY FROM THAT RAY!

BACK! BACK!
BACK! BACK!

NO!

GROOVY.
GROOVY.

[CRASH]

HA! THEY'LL NEVER
SUSPECT WE'RE COMING.

YOU'RE COMING,
AREN'T YOU, LAUNCHPAD?

HEY, D.W.,
AM I GOING BALD?

AAH!

MY HEAD!

DARKWING, MY HEAD!

IT'S NOT BAD.

IT'S HARDLY
NOTICEABLE.

REALLY?

LET'S USE YOUR BIG HEAD
TO CLOBBER CROOKS.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

AGAIN WITH
THE REFRIGERATOR?

SORRY.

TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU STAY HERE.

I'LL STRIKE WHILE I STILL
HAVE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.

I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS
IN THE NIGHT. I'M...

THE MISSHAPEN BLOTCH
THAT STAINS YOUR WALLS.

THOUGHT YOU COULD
GET THE DROP ON US.

WHAT OF IT?

IT'S FOOLISH
WHEN YOU'RE DEALING
WITH THOSE...

WHO SEE THE FUTURE.

I'M HOTSHOT.
I CAN BURN.

YOU COULD START
A FOREST FIRE!

OR I CAN FREEZE.

AAH!

WHOA! AAH!

AND YOU CAN
CALL ME FLYGIRL!

I'D HOPED I WAS DONE
WITH PSYCHIC STUFF.

DARKWING DUCK
STANDS HIS GROUND...

OR IN IT,
AS THE CASE MAY BE.

♪ YODEL LAY
HEE HOO ♪♪

SMASHING.
JUST SMASHING.

HOTSHOT,
FRONT AND CENTER,
SOLDIER.

YES, SIR.

IS SOMETHING BURNING?

YEOW!

OW! OW! HOT! HOT!

[CRASH]

HEY, YOU GUYS,
BACK OFF!

WHOA!
WHOA!

HEY, L.P.,
YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD.

HIT THEM WITH
SOMETHING BIGGER!

WHOOPS.

THEM! THEM!

♪ YODEL LADEL LODEL
LAYEE HOO HOO HOO ♪♪

I'VE GOT
THE NORMA RAY,

A KILLER PSYCHIC SQUAD,
AND DARKWING DUCK!

KNOW WHAT
THIS MEANS?

YOU DIG OUR AURAS?

AFFIRMATIVE.

FILE OUT!

♪ I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD ♪

♪ HOTSHOT'S ICE
IS MIGHTY COLD ♪

♪ HOTSHOT'S ICE
IS MIGHTY COLD ♪♪

OHH! GET OFF MY BACK!

D.W.!

D.W., WHERE ARE YOU?

ME AND MY BIG HEAD.

I NEVER SHOULD
HAVE VOLUNTEERED

FOR THIS STUPID
EXPERIMENT.

NOW F.O.W.L.'S GOT D.W.,

AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!

WHOOPS. DID I DO THAT?

HOW WILL
WE RESCUE DAD?

LIKE WE KNOW
WHERE HE IS.

LAUNCHPAD,
WHAT'S THAT?

THE WORLD'S BIGGEST HEAD?

NO. THIS.

IT'S THAT MILITARY GUY.

I'LL USE MY PSYCHIC POWERS
TO FIND HIM.

IT'S HIS LICENSE.
HIS ADDRESS IS ON IT.

GREAT. WE'LL ZIP
OVER THERE AND--

OH, RIGHT.

WHOA! THIS WILL WORK.

HEY, LOOK OUT!

GOODNESS!
HE'S COMING OUR WAY!

[HORN HONKS]

THIS ISN'T WORKING!
TAKE OFF THE BAG!

BUT EVERYBODY'S STARING
AT MY HEAD.

IT'S NOT YOUR HEAD!

IT'S YOUR FLYING!

OH, RIGHT.

WE'RE COMING, D.W.
KEEP COOL.

BEHOLD, F.O.W.L.
HIGH COMMAND.

DARKWING DUCK...
ON ICE.

BLBLBLBLBLBL!

I RECOGNIZE HIS
TRADEMARK WITTY REPARTEE.

LIQUIDATE HIM!

O.K., SOLDIER,
BRING IN THE DUCK SMASHER.

OHH!

THAT'S THE SECOND-BIGGEST
DUCK SMASHER I'VE EVER SEEN.

WAIT.
I'M GETTING A VISION.

LOOK OUT! OOF!

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

I WANT TO SEE.

GEE, MENTAL VIDEO!

THEY'RE GOING
TO SQUASH DAD!

HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!
HA HA!
HA HA!

CAN I SQUASH HIM?
THIS THING'S HEAVY!

JUST WAIT.

WHAT A DRAG.

NOW, REGARDING
MY FUTURE
WITH F.O.W.L.,

I WANT A FEW CHANGES--

A PROMOTION, FREE LUNCHES,
A PARKING SPACE...

YES. JUST DESTROY
DARKWING DUCK.

EVERY ALTERNATE
THURSDAY OFF

FOR RECREATIONAL
BAYONET DRILL.

WHAT'S THE PLAN?

FIRST WE GET ATTACKED.

WHAT KIND OF PLAN
IS THAT?

HERE'S HOTSHOT!

WHOA. BIG DROP.

DROP IT NOW?

NOT YET. TICKETS TO
F.O.W.L.'s WINTER CARNIVAL.

WHOA! HEY! YIKES!

I GOT TO FIGHT FIRE
WITH FIRE.

UH, SORT OF.

MAYBE YOU'LL WORK
AS A SNOW CONE MACHINE.

I CAN SEE THE FUTURE--

YOU'RE GOING TO SMACK
YOUR HEAD ON SOMETHING.

HUH?

[CLANG]

IT'S FUZZY. YOU'RE GOING
TO DO SOME TRAVELING.

COME ON, LAUNCHPAD!
QUICK!

O.K. COMING RIGHT DOWN.

AAH!

UH-OH.

OOH! BRAIN SPRAIN!

WHAT'S GOING ON
THERE?

NOTHING.

CAN I DROP IT YET?

NOT YET! NOT YET!

GOSALYN! WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?

I KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU HATE CRUSHED ICE.

WHOA!

UHH! AAH!

UHH!

AAH!

NICE SAVE, L.P.

AAH!

WHEW.

UH, EVERYTHING'S
JUST FINE.

UH-OH!

YOU'RE GETTING OUT.

YOU NEVER
LET ME HAVE FUN.

DROP IT NOW!

IT'S ABOUT TIME.

AAH!

UHH! UHH! UHHHH!

I'LL PUT THIS WHERE
IT CAN'T HURT ANYONE.

THAT HANDLES THEM.

LET'S GET ME
BACK TO NORMAL.

YOUR HEAD CAME IN
PRETTY HANDY BACK THERE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD
KEEP YOUR POWERS.

NO. MY CAPS
DON'T FIT,

AND I LOOK RIDICULOUS.

I WANT TO BE NORMAL.

BUT WHAT ABOUT
PFFT, WHAMMO,

AND PREDICTING
OUR ENEMY'S
EVERY MOVE?

N-O SPELLS UH-UH.

O.K., YOU WIN.

WE'LL FLICK
THE REVERSE SWITCH.

WHAT REVERSE SWITCH?

THERE'S ALWAYS ONE.

WHAT RAY GUN DOESN'T
HAVE A REVERSE SWITCH?

THE KIND
THE VILLAIN NEEDS
TO DEFEAT THE HERO.

I'LL BEAT YOU
WITH MY POWERS.

DON'T THINK WHILE
YOU'RE BEING BLASTED.

LAUNCHPAD!
LAUNCHPAD!

THANKS FOR REMINDING ME.

YEOW! I AM
NOT THINKING.

I AM NOT THINKING.

HE DID HIMSELF IN.

THINK AGAIN! HA HA HA!

I'VE ACHIEVED
ULTIMATE PSYCHIC POWER!

EWW! GROSS!

NERVE GAS OUGHT TO
HAVE AN AMUSING EFFECT.

THAT DIDN'T SEEM
AMUSING TO ME.

I'M GONNA BLAST
IT'S HEAD OFF!

UHH-EEE!

YOU CANNOT HARM ME.

I AM PURE THOUGHT.

THOUGHT, HUH?

LET'S SEE WHY YOU SHOULDN'T
THINK WHILE BEING BLASTED.

WHAT'S THE SPEED
OF A COMMON SWALLOW?

WHY CAN'T I GET
MORE ALLOWANCE?
DO BEES BE?

WHAT'S THE CUBE ROOT
OF 14?

DO FLIES FLY?

IF A TRAIN
LEAVES CHICAGO--

NO, NO! AAH!

LAUNCHPAD?
LAUNCHPAD?

LAUNCHPAD?
LAUNCHPAD?

YOU'RE BACK
TO NORMAL.

I AM?

I AM! THAT'S A LOAD
OFF MY MIND.

LET'S GET YOU
A NEW FLIGHT CAP.

THE SUPPLY STORE
ISN'T ON THE WAY HOME.

IT IS FOR YOU,
YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.