Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 3 - Beauty and the Beet - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪ ♪

CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BETTER CALL ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

THIS IS THE CITY
OF ST. CANARD...MY CITY.

I KNOW ALL
THE STORIES ABOUT IT...

ALL THE IMPORTANT ONES.

THEY'RE KEPT IN
THE SECRET DARKWING FILES.

NOW, LET ME SEE.

36 RIGHT...42 LEFT, AND...

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

JUST AS I THOUGHT.

62 LEFT.

NOT EVERY STORY
IS WORTH TELLING.

THERE IS ONE
THAT STANDS OUT...ALONE,

IN A FIELD
ALL BY ITSELF.

IT'S THE INCREDIBLE STORY

ABOUT A VILLAINOUS VEGETABLE

AND ITS DEBUT
INTO CRIME.

IT ALL STARTED
AT ST. CANARD UNIVERSITY

ON A NORMAL DAY.

NORMAL EXCEPT FOR
SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH LAB 356.

IT WAS YOUR AVERAGE
RESEARCH LAB

WITH AVERAGE RESEARCH RATS,

RESEARCH ROBOTS,

AND YOUR AVERAGE
RESEARCH SCIENTISTS.

AVERAGE EXCEPT FOR...

DR. REGGIE BUSHROOT, A MAN
WITH A PASSION FOR PLANTS.

HEY, STOP IT,
YOU GUYS.

GIVE IT BACK.

GIVE IT BACK.

IT'S ONLY A POTATO.

YEAH, A MASHED
POTATO.

HA HA HA.

MY EXPERIMENTAL SPUD.

YOU--YOU--
YOU'VE RUINED IT.

THEN SHE WALKED IN.

HER NAME WAS
DR. RHODA DENDRON.

IT DIDN'T TAKE A Ph.D.

TO SEE THAT
SHE WAS HOT.

GOOD MORNING,
DR. DENDRON.
GOOD MORNING,
DR. DENDRON.

UH, WE WERE
HELPING REGGIE
WITH HIS RESEARCH.

I CAN IMAGINE.

IS EVERYTHING
ALL RIGHT,
DOCTOR?

WHAT?

YOUR EXPERIMENT.
HOW'S IT COMING?

IT'S--IT'S FINE.

MY RESEARCH IS
READY TO PAY OFF.

RESEARCH?

HI. I'M DR. REGGIE
BUSHROOT.

I CAN'T DO REAL RESEARCH,
SO I PLAY WITH PLANTS.

GOOD ZING-A-ROO.

THANK YOU, DR. DERRY.

I'M NOT PLAYING.

IF I'M SUCCESSFUL,

WE'LL GET NUTRITION
LIKE PLANTS.

WE'LL SNACK ON SUNLIGHT.

THERE'S NO MONEY
IN NUTRITION.

IT'S NOT QUALITY
PEOPLE WANT,
IT'S QUANTITY.

BIGGER FOOD
MEANS BIGGER PROFITS,

AND BIGGER PROFITS
MEAN MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

DID SOMEONE
MENTION MONEY?

MORNING,
DEAN TIGHTBILL.
MORNING,
DEAN TIGHTBILL.

MY, DEAN TIGHTBILL.

YOU CERTAINLY KNOW
HOW TO PICK A SUIT.

HE DOES.

SEE THAT TIE.
WHAT A WONDERFUL PATTERN.

THAT IS KETCHUP.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

BUT IT'S SUCH
A COLORFUL KETCHUP.

DEAN TIGHTBILL
HAS MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS TO DO

THAN DISCUSS WARDROBE.

YES, I DO.

I'VE BEEN TOLD TO
CUT BACK ON EXPENSES.

WHEN I THINK
OF CUTTING BACK,

I THINK OF PLANTS.

I'M SO CLOSE.

I HAVE TO INTEGRATE
CHLOROPLASTS FROM PLANTS
INTO ANIMALS--

THOSE AREN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

YOU DID THIS,
DIDN'T YOU?

NOW, NOW, DR. BUSHROOT,

DON'T BLAME OTHERS
FOR YOUR FAILURES.

CAN'T YOU GIVE
DR. BUSHROOT MORE TIME?

TIME IS MONEY,

AND AS YOU KNOW, MONEY
DOES NOT GROW ON TREES.

DON'T WORRY.
WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE,

YOU CAN GET
WORK ANYWHERE.

YEAH, AS A GARDENER.

MAYBE YOU CAN SELL
APPLES ON A CORNER.

DR. BUSHROOT...

WAIT, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?

FASCINATING, ISN'T IT?

LET'S SEE...
WHERE WAS I?

THERE WERE
SIX PAIRS OF SOCKS,

SOME POLKA-DOTTED
UNDERWEAR, AND--

SORRY, D.W. THAT'S
MY LAUNDRY LIST.

AH, MY FAVORITE PART.

IT WAS A DARK NIGHT,

WHEN SUDDENLY,
THE CASE TOOK A LEFT TURN

AND HEADED FOR...
DEMENTEDVILLE.

THIS MAY BE
MY ONLY CHANCE.

THE DEAN WILL HAVE
TO FUND MY PROJECT.

ARE YOU READY?

THEN...

HERE'S TO
A BETTER TOMORROW.

AAH!

OH, DEAR, I FEEL
SO--SO--SO NORMAL.

MY EXPERIMENT
IS A FAILURE.

NO, I'M A FAILURE.

I'M SCUM.

I'M LESS THAN SCUM.

I'M A WORTHLESS
FUNGAL PARASITE.

AND YOU...YOU
DIED FOR NOTHING.

THE SACRIFICES
WE MAKE FOR SCIENCE.

YEAH...OH...OH...YES.

OH, YES.
AH, IT WORKED!

JUST FEEL THAT SUNLIGHT
SURGING THROUGH MY BODY.

HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

I'M TURNING GREEN.

THIS COULD BE
A SIDE EFFECT.

BEING GREEN
ISN'T SO BAD.

I'M THE SAME REGGIE.

WAIT TILL
THE RESEARCH DEPARTMENT

SEES MY EXPERIMENT
IS SUCCESSFUL.

THEY'LL NEVER SEE ME
THE SAME WAY AGAIN.

IT WORKED, EVERYBODY!

IT WORKED!

DR. BUSHROOT.

YOU'RE LOOKING
A LITTLE GREEN
AROUND THE BILL.

WHERE DID YOU GET
YOUR HAIR DONE,
A FLORIST?

WHAT HAVE I DONE
TO MYSELF?

WELL, DR. DENDRON,
I--I...OH.

REGGIE'S A VEGGIE.
REGGIE'S A VEGGIE.

REGGIE'S A VEGGIE...
REGGIE'S A VEGGIE...

I ONLY WANTED
TO MAKE THE WORLD

A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE.

LOOK AT ME.
I'M A WALKING SALAD BAR.

HEY, CUT IT OUT.

GO AWAY.

QUIT IT.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

HELP. HELP ME, SOMEONE.

PLEASE.

[ARF ARF ARF]

THANKS.
I GUESS A DOG'S

NOT A TREE'S
BEST FRIEND.

YOU MOVED!

YOU CAN'T MOVE.

I'M LOSING MY MIND.

I GOT TO SIT DOWN.

THANKS.

OH, NO!
IT HAPPENED AGAIN.

A DRINK.
YES, THAT'S WHAT I NEED.

AHH.

I HAVE SOME TELEPATHIC
LINK WITH PLANTS.

WHAT A BREAKTHROUGH!

I'M THE DR. DOOLITTLE
OF THE PLANT WORLD.

THIS SHOULD IMPRESS
THEM AT THE LAB.

THEY'LL HUMILIATE ME
IN FRONT OF RHODA.

UNLESS, OF COURSE, THEY
HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.

THIS MAY NOT BE
SO BAD AFTER ALL.

LOOKS LIKE WE'LL FINALLY

GET THIS PROJECT
OFF THE GROUND.

WE'LL CASH IN ON
INFLATED FOOD PRICES

AND GIVE NEW MEANING
TO THE PHRASE,
"A LIGHT MEAL."

LIGHT MEAL!

WHAT THE--

IT SEEMED
THE UNSOLVABLE CRIME.

POLICE WERE PUZZLED,
FEDS WERE FRUSTRATED,

AND THE GARDENERS'
ASSOCIATION WAS STUMPED.

THAT'S WHEN I,

WITH A MIND AS SHARP
AS HEDGE CLIPPERS,

ENTERED THE CASE.

DO THESE REQUIRE
A LOT OF WATERING?

AH, DARKWING DUCK,
I'M DR. RHODA DENDRON.

CAN I HELP?

DO YOU HAVE A RAKE?

OH, THIS IS TERRIBLE.

IT'S NOT SO BAD.

IT COULD USE KETCHUP.

DO YOU THINK
DR. BUSHROOT
DID IT?

IN A WORD, YES.

IN TWO WORDS,
MOST CERTAINLY.

HOW CAN YOU
BE SURE?

EASY. I NEVER
MAKE MISTAKES.

KING ME.

YOU THINK HE'LL
COME AFTER ME NEXT?

IT'S A CASE
OF REVENGE.

AND BESIDES,
ALL SUPER SLEUTHS KNOW

A CRIMINAL ALWAYS RETURNS
TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

LET'S SEE
THAT BIG BEGONIA

TRY TO GET
THROUGH THIS.

JUST ONE THING...

HOW ARE WE
GOING TO GET OUT?

STOP, YOU SIZABLE
SAPLING.

WHOA!

HIS BARK MIGHT BE
WORSE THAN HIS BITE.

NO, NO, PLEASE.

THIS IS WHAT I GET
FOR BEING A VEGETARIAN.

OVER HERE, BLOCKHEAD.

YOU DID IT.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO
DO THAT FOR?

YOU'RE JUST LIKE
THE OTHERS...

ALWAYS RUINING
THINGS FOR ME.

NOW I'LL HAVE TO
DO TO YOU

WHAT I DID TO THEM.

YOU'LL NEVER
GET AWAY WITH THIS.

WHO'S STOPPING ME?

ME. THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS AT NIGHT.

THE TERMITE THAT DEVOURS
YOUR FLOORBOARDS.

THAT IS TO SAY...
DARKWING DUCK.

YOU PLAY TOO ROUGH.

HURRY. HE'S
GETTING AWAY.

I'M A LITTLE
TIED UP RIGHT NOW.

THIS WOULD HAVE TO BE
AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL.

WHOA!
WHOA!

LUCKILY I WORE
MY BUZZ SAW CUFF LINKS.

WE BETTER HURRY.
BUSHROOT'S GETTING AWAY.

WHOA!
WHOA!

GOOD THING I HAD
A LIGHT BREAKFAST.

AAH!
AAH!

[GASP]
[GASP]

THAT OUGHT TO
TEACH YOU.

SORRY, BUT I'M
A SLOW LEARNER.

OK, BUSHROOT,
THE SPRIG IS UP.

NOT YET,
DARKWING DUCK.

CLEVER, BUT YOU DON'T GET AWAY
FROM DARKWING DUCK THAT EASILY.

OK, BUSHROOT--HUH?

HE'S GONE!

LOOKS LIKE HE
DECIDED TO GET BACK
TO HIS ROOTS.

VERY FUNNY.

DARKWING DUCK,
DID YOU FIND
DR. BUSHROOT?

THAT'S A SAFE
ASSUMPTION.

POOR DR. BUSHROOT.
I FEEL SO SORRY FOR HIM.

SORRY FOR THAT
VILLAINOUS VEGETABLE?

THAT FLIPPED-OUT
FELONIOUS FLORA?

I'M THE ONE WITH
THE SWISS CHEESE CAPE!

I'M SURE
WHATEVER HAPPENED,

DR. BUSHROOT
DIDN'T MEAN IT.

WE WERE ALMOST
SIDE DISHES
AT THE SALAD BAR.

IMPOSSIBLE! DR. BUSHROOT
WOULDN'T HURT A FLY.

THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME,

BUT WE NEEDED THE WINGS.

IF ONLY I COULD
TALK TO DR. BUSHROOT.

I COULD PERSUADE HIM
TO TURN OVER A NEW LEAF.

POOR REGINALD'S NOT
ALWAYS BEEN A CRIMINAL.

HE'S NOT HIMSELF.

SHE CALLED ME REGINALD.

RHODA CALLED ME
REGINALD!

NOT DR. BUSHROOT,
BUT REGINALD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

SHE LIKES ME!
SHE REALLY LIKES ME!

ALL THESE YEARS,
I NEVER KNEW.

WHILE BUSHROOT TURNED FROM
VENGEANCE-CRAZED VEGETABLE

TO PASSION FRUIT,

I DECIDED TO EXERCISE

MY WORLD-RENOWNED
DEDUCTIVE ABILITIES.

I CHECKED
THE MINUTEST DETAILS,

CAREFULLY WEIGHED
ALL THE POSSIBILITIES,

AND PAINSTAKINGLY
EXAMINED EACH CLUE

WITH STAGGERINGLY SCRUPULOUS
SCIENTIFIC SCRUTINY.

BUT LITTLE DID I REALIZE

THAT THE BUSHROOT SCENARIO
WAS HEATING UP.

[SNIFF SNIFF]

OW! HA HA HA!

I WAS SOON TO DISCOVER

THAT THE ONLY THING
MORE DANGEROUS

THAN A DERANGED
HALF PLANT/HALF DUCK,

IS A DERANGED
HALF PLANT/HALF DUCK IN LOVE.

OOH! AHH!

OOH! AHH!

OOH! AHH!

OHH!

[HUMMING]

THANK YOU.

HMM. SHOULD I
PUT ON A TIE

OR GROW MY OWN?

OOH, LOVELY.

SHOULD I GO
FOR THE RAKISH LOOK

OR PERHAPS SOMETHING
MORE MODERN?

AH, THERE.
MUCH BETTER.

OH, NO! NOT A WEED.

AND RIGHT BEFORE
MY BIG DATE WITH RHODA.

A LITTLE BUG SPRAY
AND I'M SET.

THANK YOU.

IF RHODA LIKED ME BEFORE,
SHE'LL LOVE ME NOW.

I'LL SHOW THAT
OVERGROWN GARDEN

THAT NO WALKING WEED
OUTSMARTS ME.

BUT--

TIME FOR ACTION,
NOT IDLE CHITCHAT.

THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU MUST KNOW.

NOT NOW! CAN'T
YOU SEE WE'RE--

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

I SAID WE'RE--

CUT THAT OUT!

AS I WAS SAYING,

WE'RE CREATING
THE PERFECT DISGUISE

TO CATCH BUSHROOT.

BUT THAT'S POISON IVY.

I SEE.

THAT EXPLAINS THIS INCREDIBLE
ITCHING SENSATION.

OW! AAH!

[CRASH]

HEY, D.W.,
NICE CRASH.

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN
HAVE A PLANE.

OH, MY! UHH!

DR. BUSHROOT.

RHODA, MY DARLING.

[SNIFF]

HOW ROMANTIC.

NOT SO FAST,
FLOWER FACE.

PUT UP YOUR VINES BEFORE
I DUST YOUR CROPS.

OOH! SUCH
A TOUGH TALKER.

COME, MY LOVE.

SPIKE WILL
TAKE CARE OF THEM.

SPIKE?
SPIKE?

SIC 'EM, SPIKE!

[GULP]
[GULP]

HERE, SPIKE!
HERE, BOY!

GO GET IT, BOY!

[CRASH]

HEH HEH HEH.

UH, GOOD BOY, SPIKE.

NOW, UH, GO FETCH.

WHEW! I THOUGHT
WE WERE PLANT FOOD.

NO PUNY PLANT'S GOING TO
GET DARKWING DUCK.

COME ON.
WE'VE GOT SOME
GARDENING TO DO.

AH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL
BRIDE YOU ARE.

WITH YOU AT MY SIDE,

THE WORLD WILL BE
GREEN WITH ENVY.

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY
IN MY LIFE.

[HONK]

I CAN'T MARRY YOU.
I'M A WORKING GIRL.

MY CAREER MEANS
TOO MUCH TO ME.

YOU'RE A PLANT.
I'M A DUCK.

DON'T WORRY,
SWEET PEA.

I'VE TAKEN CARE
OF THAT.

WE'LL CONNECT YOU
TO THIS PETUNIA,

ADD 30,000 KILOWATTS
OF ELECTRICITY--

PRESTO, YOU'RE
THE NEXT COVER GIRL

ONLAWN AND GARDEN.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO
BE A PLANT.

YOU'LL GROW TO LOVE IT.

FIRST
YOU'LL GROW LEAVES.

RELEASE HER
OR PREPARE TO EAT DIRT.

BUT--BUT--
HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

YOUR ROOTPRINTS
LED ME TO YOU.

SOMEONE'S ALWAYS BETWEEN
ME AND WHAT I WANT.

OH, NOT ANYMORE!

SPLIT THAT PAIR!

HELP! GET OFF ME!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HYAH!

IT'LL TAKE
MORE THAN SQUASH

TO SQUELCH
THIS CRIME FIGHTER.

EVERYBODY'S A CRITIC.

ENOUGH ALREADY!

HELP!

HELP!

HELP!

HYAH!

IT'S TIME TO PRUNE
YOUR WEDDING PLANS.

YEOW! OUCH!

HEY! HEY, BE CAREFUL
WITH THAT THING.

YEOW! OW!

HA! HA!

IT DICES,
IT SLICES, IT--

RUNS OUT OF GAS.

I'M AFRAID YOUR
GARDENING DAYS ARE OVER!

WHACK THAT WHACKER!

THAT'S IT! NOW
WE'RE GOING TO DO

SOME
SERIOUS WEEDING.

WHERE
YOU GOING?

UH-OH!

HEIGH-HO, SLATER,
AWAY!

YAA!

TIME TO STOP AND
SMELL THE FLOWERS.

AH--

AH--

AH-CHOO!

WHEW!

UH, GOOD BOY, SPIKE.

HELP!

DARKWING DUCK, HELP!

HELP!

WHOA! WHAT'S--
WHOA!

HEY!

I WAS THINKING
THE SAME THING.

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.

I'LL GIVE YOU DANGEROUS!

[MACHINE GUN FIRE]

HELP!

HELP!

YAHOO!

NO! YOU'RE
RUINING EVERYTHING.

TIME TO TOSS
A LITTLE SALAD.

POT THAT DUCK!

YAA!

LET'S SEE HOW YOU
LIKE BEING TRIMMED.

STOP!

NO!

UHH!

[CRASH]

SUCCOTASH.

YUCK!

NO! WE'RE TOO LATE.

I'M SO SORRY.
FORGIVE ME.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO,
MR. DARKWING?

HUH? OH, NO ONE.

JUST CHECKING
FOR MEDFLIES.

QUITE A STORY, EH?

[SNORING]

[SNORING]

YEAH, RIGHT, D.W.

THAT JUST GOES
TO SHOW YOU,

YOU MAY HAVE TO
EAT YOUR VEGETABLES,

BUT YOU DON'T
HAVE TO LIKE THEM.

AHH, MY OWN LITTLE
PLACE IN THE SUN.

SOON I'LL BE BACK
ON MY ROOTS AGAIN.

HOW ABOUT SOME WATER
AND SOME FERTILIZER

AND SOME SOFT MUSIC?