Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 22 - Double Darkwings - full transcript

♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ A CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

WE GETTING REAL CLOSE.

THERE IT IS--

THE CABIN OF MY DEAR,
SWEET GRANNY WHAMMY.

HOWDY!

HA HA HA!

WHAT'S WRONG, JAKE?

SCARED OF YOUR OWN GRANNY?

I LOVE THAT WOMAN.

DID YOU GET IT?

RIGHT HERE, GRANNY.

17 SLITHERING
SLIME TOADS,
AS REQUESTED.

[SNIFFING]

MMM-BOY, GRANNY,

THAT POTION
SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN
POSSUM GIZZARDS.

IT IS ROTTEN
POSSUM GIZZARDS.

THAT'S FOR DINNER.

THE POTION KETTLE'S
OVER YONDER.

BAYOU, BAYOU,
HOOTCHIE-KOO.

POWERFUL POTION
COMING THROUGH.

THAT'S HIM,

THE LOW-DOWN CRITTER
THAT RUINATED
MY LOW-DOWN SCHEMES.

IF YOU WANT
TO GET THAT CRITTER,

YOU GOT TO HIT HIM
IN THE FACE

WITH THIS HEX POWDER.

BUT REMEMBER,
THERE'S ONLY ONE HELPING.

NICE OF YOU
TO HELP ME, GRANNY.

YOU KNOW WHY
I'M DOING IT,
JAMBLAYA JAKE?

BECAUSE I'M YOUR
FAVORITE GRANDCHILD?

NO. BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING
TO PAY ME 10,000 BUCKS.

JUMP BACK, GRANNY!
YOU SAID 10,000 BUCKS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND IF YOU DON'T PAY,

I'LL MAKE A FINE POTION
OUT OF GUMBO HERE.

[CACKLING]

GUMBO, YOU WAIT!

JUMP BACK NOW.

HOLD ON, GUMBO.

THE OBJECT
OF THESE EXERCISES

IS IMPROVING YOUR SKILLS
AS DARKWING DECOY,

NOT CHUCKLES THE CLOWN.

ROGER, D.W.

WE WILL NOW PRACTICE
THE INCREDIBLY TRICKY MANEUVER

I CALL THE DOUBLE-REVERSE
PADDLE-DROP BOOM-BOOM KICK.

NOW, LET'S SEE
YOU DO IT.

WELL, HERE GOES NOTHING.

[CRASH]

HOW DID I DO?

WHOA!

STILL NEEDS WORK.

HAVEN'T WE TRAINED ENOUGH, D.W.?

I'M GETTIN' HUNGRY.
LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

CRIME DOESN'T BREAK
FOR BURGERS, L.P.

MAYBE THAT'S WHY CROOKS
ARE SO CRANKY.

JUST PAY ATTENTION.

FOR DARKWING DECOY
TO FOOL ANYONE,

YOU NEED TO BE FAMILAR WITH
STATE-OF-THE-ART CRIME-FIGHTING
TECHNOLOGY.

LIKE THIS BABY.

FIRST, LET'S PRACTICE FIRING
THE GRAPPLING HOOK.

WOW. THANKS, D.W.

YOU NEVER LET ME-- OOPS!

OOPS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD
TIME TO TAKE A BREAK.

GREAT! THERE'S A HAMBURGER
HIPPO AROUND THE CORNER.

WE'RE BACK IN THE
CITY NOW, GUMBO.

AND RIGHT OUTSIDE THE
TELEPHONE COMPANY

JUST LIKE I FIGURED.

NOW ONCE GRANNY'S HEX POWDER
PUTS THAT CAPED CRITTER

UNDER MY CONTROL,

I'M GONNA STRIP
THIS CITY CLEAN.

QUIT FOOLIN' AROUND.

WE GOT US A DUCK
TO TRAP.

NOTHING LIKE A HOT
CAJUN LOUSIANA BASCO

WITH CAYENNE PEPPER SAUCE.

YOU SURE IT'S
HOT ENOUGH?

OH, YEAH, THAT OUGHT TO
GRAB HIS ATTENTION.

THIS IS A CALL DARKWING'S
GONNA HAVE TO ANSWER.

WE GOT OURSELVES A
REAL HOT LINE.

TIME TO REACH OUT AND
TORCH SOMEONE.

YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?

OF COURSE.

I'LL DEMONSTRATE
HOW TO DEFLECT
A SURPRISE ATTACK.

WHEN I TURN
THE CORNER, CLUB ME.

I DON'T WANT
TO HURT YOU.

I WOULDN'T WORRY.

[RING]

MUST BE A LONG-DISTANCE CALL.

W-W-WHY DID YOU
DO THAT?

YOU TOLD ME TO.

DIDN'T YOU SEE
THE FLASH OF LIGHT?

NO. BUT I DIDN'T
GET CONKED.

THIS LOOKS LIKE THE SOURCE
OF ALL THE TROUBLE

AND AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY
FOR DARKWING DECOY.

GO DISTRACT
THE PERPETRATORS.

THEN I'LL NAIL THEM.

RIGHT-O, D.W.

COME INTO MY PARLOR,

SAID THE BULLFROG
TO THE FLY.

I AM THE ERROR THAT
FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE SEARCH HOG THAT
TRIPLES YOUR BILL.

YOU ARE THAT, DARKWING.

COME ON. I'LL
PULVERIZE YOU.

LAUNCHPAD, WHAT ARE YOU--

DOING?

SORRY, D.W. I GUESS
THEY GOT AWAY.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, L.P.

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER SENT A
DECOY TO DO A HERO'S WORK.

HOO-HOO-BOY!

TIME TO BRING
THAT HEX TO A BOIL.

AREN'T YOU GOING
TO CHANGE FROM
YOUR DECOY UNIFORM?

WHEN I GET THE ENERGY
TO PUT ON MY JAMMIES.

ROUGH DAY, D.W.

EVERY DAY'S ROUGH
WHEN YOU'RE FIGHTING CRIME.

BAYOU, BAYOU,
HOOTCHIE-KOO.

COME HERE, CRITTER.

JAMBLAYA JAKE
WANTS YOU.

THERE HE BE!

I HEAR HIM COMING, GUMBO.

YOU CALLED FOR ME?

I SURE DID.

YOU'RE MINE NOW,

AND--

[SNIFFING]

HMM.

SOMETHING ROTTEN
IN THIS SEWER.

LIKE I SUSPECTED--

THIS AIN'T NO
GENUINE ARTICLE.

I HEXED
THE WRONG CRITTER.

I NEED ANOTHER
HELPING OF POTION.

UH-UH.

BUT REMEMBER--

THERE'S ONLY ONE
HELPING OF POTION,

AND THERE AIN'T
NO MORE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, GUMBO.

WE'RE UP THE BAYOU
WITHOUT A PADDLE.

GET RID OF HIM, GUMBO.

HE'S NO USE TO US.

WHAT DO I
LOOK LIKE, GUMBO--

ONE OF GRANNY'S
FLAPJACKS?

GET RID OF HIM.

RARR!

RARR!

WAIT A CRAWDAD
CRAWLIN' SECOND.

WE GOT US SOMETHING
SPECIAL HERE.

WE DO?

HE'LL HELP US
RUINATE THE REPUTATION

OF THAT LOW-DOWN
DARKWING DUCK

PLUS MAKE US
A MESS OF MONEY, TOO.

GO DO EXACTLY WHAT
I TOLD YOU TO.

YES, MASTER.

I LOVE
WHEN HE SAY THAT.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF--

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE ITCH
IN YOUR TRIGGER FINGER.

I DON'T GET IT,
DARKWING DUCK.
WHAT'S UP?

YOUR TIME
IS WHAT'S UP.

HAND OVER THE LOOT.

WE INTERRUPT
OUR PROGRAM

TO SHOW FOOTAGE
TAKEN EARLIER TODAY

BY A BANK SECURITY CAMERA.

DARKWING DUCK CONTINUES
HIS REIGN OF TERROR.

MOMENTS AGO HE ROBBED
A 70-YEAR-OLD COUPLE

OF THEIR VALUABLES.

WHAT'S NEXT,
DARKWING DUCK--

STEALING CANDY
FROM A BABY?

WAA!

THIS IS DAN GANDER

REMINDING YOU
TO LOCK YOUR DOORS.

DARKWING DUCK
IS LOOSE.

MY STELLAR REPUTATION
IS RUINED!

I'VE BEEN DEFILED!

I'VE BEEN DEFACED!

I'VE BEEN...

FRAMED.

IS THIS HOW MY ILLUSTRIOUS
CAREER WILL END,

HAVING MY NAME
DRAGGED THOUGH THE MUD

BY SOME NO-GOOD,
NAME-DRAGGING FIEND?

LAUNCHPAD, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR YOU.

SOMEBODY'S OUT THERE
COMMITTING CRIMES,

PRETENDING TO BE
DARKWING DUCK.

JAMBLAYA JAKE
AND HIS COMICAL--

YET DANGEROUS--

ALLIGATOR, GUMBO.

IN THE FLESH,
I GUARANTEE.

LET'S GET RID
OF THIS MEDDLING DUCK

ONCE AND FOR ALL.

WE'VE GOT TO
STOP HIM, LAUNCHPAD.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WE"?

LAUNCHPAD,
DON'T YOU KNOW ME?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GETTING RID
OF THE MEDDLING DUCK.

FAMILIAR WITH
THE DOUBLE-REVERSE
PADDLE-DROP BOOM-BOOM KICK?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'VE GOT IT COPYRIGHTED.

PLUS TWO
PATENTS PENDING.

YEEOW!

SO SUE ME.

LOOK LIKE ALL THE FIGHT
BEEN KICKED OUT OF YOU,

CITY BOY.

BUT JUST IN CASE...

THIS IS THE POLICE!

THROW DOWN YOUR WEAPONS.

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

LOOK LIKE IT TIME
TO DO THE BAYOU TWO-STEP.

COME ON NOW, GUMBO!

AM I GLAD TO SEE
YOU FELLAS.

I'VE ALWAYS SAID
ST. CANARD'S FINEST
AND DARKWING DUCK

MAKE AN UNBEATABLE
COMBINATION.

DARKWING DUCK,
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.

I'M INNOCENT.

NOW I KNOW
WHAT THEY MEAN

BY "THE LONG ARM
OF THE LAW."

DARKWING DUCK IS TAKEN
TO THE PENITENTIARY

BUT REFUSES TO BE
A VICTIM OF INJUSTICE.

THIS PRISON ISN'T
BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD ME.

MAYBE NOT,

BUT YOU'RE
GOING TO BE
INTHAT PRISON.

OH.

PRETTY SWEET RACKET

YOU HAD GOING
ALL THESE YEARS,
DARKWING DUCK.

WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

PRETENDING
TO BE A HERO.

WERE YOU ON THE TAKE
THE WHOLE TIME?

LISTEN, YOU FELONIOUS
LAW-BREAKER.

I NEVER COMMITTED
A CRIME IN MY LIFE.

HOW COME YOU'RE IN
THIS COUNTRY CLUB
WITH US MUGS?

PSST!

I DON'T KNOW
WHO'S RESPONSIBLE,

BUT I WAS FRAMED.

I'M COMPLETELY INNOCENT.

NO!

HEY, FELLAS.

THIS GUY'S INNOCENT.

HE WAS FRAMED.

HA HA HA!

I WAS FRAMED, TOO.

ME, TOO.

YOU BOYS PLAN ON
GETTING BACK TO WORK

ANYTIME SOON?

Y-Y-YES, SIR, RUPERT.

PULL!

DON'T MESS
WITH RUPERT.

HE'LL SEND YOU
TO THE BOX.

WHAT'S THE BOX?

YOU DON'T WANT
TO KNOW.

YES, I DO.

[CLANG]

YEEOW!

NOW, WHOSE HAMMERHEAD
MIGHT THIS BE?

I WANT YOU BOYS
TO SEE THIS.

YOU DON'T PLAY
BY MY RULES,

YOU WIND UP IN THE BOX.

THIS STORE-BOUGHT
SHOPPING

BEATS THE PANTS OFF
CATALOG SHOPPING.

I GUARANTEE.

GRANNY!

IF I KNEW YOU WAS COMING,

I'D HAVE BAKED
A SWEET POTATO PIE.

WHERE'S MY MONEY,
JAMBLAYA JAKE?

I MAKE A SOLEMN
BAYOU PROMISE,

I'LL HAVE IT
REAL SOON.

YOU'D BETTER.

THIS IS YOUR
LAST CHANCE, JAMBLAYA JAKE.

I LOVE THAT WOMAN.

DARKWING DUCK,

IMPRISONED FOR CRIMES
HE NEVER COMMITTED,

TRIES DIGGING TO FREEDOM
WITH A CAFETERIA SPOON.

JUST MY LUCK
THEY SERVED ESPRESSO TODAY

INSTEAD OF SOUP.

[SIREN]

UH-OH.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
DARKWING DUCK!

DAUNTLESS DARKWING DUCK
REFUSES TO LOSE HOPE.

HE SEARCHES
FOR A WEAPON,

BUT FINDS NOTHING
BUT SAND.

[APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

BUT NOW I MUST
TAKE MY LEAVE.

HOLD IT!

NOT SO FAST!

THESE ARE FOR YOU.

AHH. YEAH, BOY,
THIS SURE IS THE LIFE.

UH-HUH.

GRANNY WHAMMY,
THAT YOU?

I AM THE TERROR
THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

I AM THE CURRENT
OF VENGEANCE,

GURGLING THROUGH
YOUR SEWER.

I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU ESCAPED THE SLAMMER,

BUT WE'RE GOING
TO FIGHT, MAN TO MAN.

AND HERE'S THE MAN
WHO'LL FIGHT YOU.

RUINATE HIM!

NOW WE'RE GOING
TO WASH THAT TROUBLEMAKER

DOWN THE DRAIN FOR GOOD.

WHAT THE--

NOW WE GOING
TO FINISH THE JOB.

DARKWING DUCK EMERGES

FROM THE RAGING WATERS
OF THE SEWER,

MOISTENED BUT TRIUMPHANT.

UH-OH.

SOME WATER
TREATMENT SYSTEM.

RUINATE HIM.

JUMP BACK, BOY.
DON'T DO IT.

LET ME.

WE GOING TO HAVE
SOME BIG FUN.

HUH? WHAT'S GOING ON?

RIBBIT!

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM,
JAKESTER--

FROG IN YOUR THROAT?

GRANNY WHAMMY!

YOU DID THIS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHERE'S MY 10,000
SMACKEROONIES?

I GOT IT, GRANNY,

IN THE SACK.

TURN ME BACK
SO I CAN GO FETCH IT.

OK. BUT NO FUNNY BUSINESS.

I GOT YOUR GUMBO
BY THE TAIL.

I'LL BE BACK QUICKER
THAN A POSSUM
IN A HENHOUSE.

THAT'S PRETTY QUICK.

HERE YOU GO.

COME ON, GUMBO.
WE BEST BE GOING.

JUST ONE SECOND.

NOTHING IN THIS HERE SACK

BUT CATFISH BONES
AND POSSUM FEET.

COME HERE, GATOR.

YOU'RE MINE NOW.

YOU BEEN
HOLDING OUT ON ME?

OH, YEAH.

YOUR GATOR'S SMART ENOUGH
TO SAVE HIMSELF.

THAT DON'T EXCUSE YOU

FROM SPENDING MONEY
YOU PROMISED ME.

WHAT WILL YOU
DO TO ME?

NOTHING, JAMBLAYA JAKE.

BECAUSE I'M
YOUR FAVORITIST
GRANDCHILD?

BECAUSE THESE CITY BOYS
WILL WHIP YOUR HIDES

ONCE I CANCEL
THAT HEX.

GRANNY, YOU CAN'T!

JUST WATCH ME.

BAYOU, BAYOU,
HOOTCHIE-KOO.

LIFT THE SPELL,
THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO.

SO LONG, GRANDSON.

LAUNCHPAD, ARE YOU OK?

I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S
BEEN GOING ON, D.W.,

BUT I GOT
ONE THING TO SAY--

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.

DITTO, D.W. DECOY.

COME ON, GUMBO.

I HEAR THE SWAMP
CALLING US.

THIS WAY, GUMBO.

I AM THE TERROR...

THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT.

YOU BOYS WANT TO FIGHT?

I'LL WHIP YOU WITH ONE HAND
TIED BEHIND MY BACK.

D.W., THE DOUBLE-REVERSE
PADDLE-DROP BOOM-BOOM KICK!

I SAID IT!

AND YOU CAN
DO IT, TOO.

THE ABILITY'S
INSIDE YOU,
IF YOU'LL BELIEVE.

NICE TEAMWORK,
LAUNCHPAD.

LAUNCHPAD?

D.W.,

I THOUGHT THE ABILITY
WAS INSIDE ME IF I BELIEVED.

IT'S BURIED
A LITTLE DEEPER
THAN I THOUGHT.

DAN GANDER
WITH AN EXCLUSIVE.

FOLLOWING
AN ANONYMOUS TIP,

POLICE HAVE JUST
APPREHENDED DARKWING DUCK

AND HIS ACCOMPLICE.

ANY SECOND NOW
THEY'LL COME OUT,

AND WE'LL LEARN
THE SECRET IDENTITY OF...

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

IT'S THAT BORN-ON-THE-BAYOU
FELON JAMBLAYA JAKE

AND HIS ALLIGATOR
SIDEKICK DUMBO.

GRRR.

THAT'S GUMBO.

GUMBO.

JUST AS THIS REPORTER
SUSPECTED ALL ALONG, FOLKS.

IT NEVER WAS DARKWING DUCK
COMMITTING THOSE CRIMES.

THESE TWO IMPOSTERS

TRIED TO RUIN
HIS REPUTATION.

GOOD THINKING, D.W.,
DRESSING THOSE CROOKS
IN OUR COSTUMES.

I SUPPOSE SO.

THE GOOD NEWS IS,
OUR REPUTATIONS
ARE SAVED.

THE BAD NEWS IS,
OUR UNIFORMS
ARE GONE.

WE'VE GOT SOME
SEWING TO DO.