Darkwing Duck (1991–1992): Season 1, Episode 14 - Trading Faces - full transcript

DARKWING DUCK OF
♪ DARING DUCK OF MYSTERY ♪

♪ CHAMPION OF RIGHT ♪

♪ SWOOPS OUT
OF THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ DARKWING OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE
SOME VILLAIN SCHEMES ♪

♪ BUT HIS NUMBER'S UP ♪

3, 2, 1!

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

DARKWING, DARKWING DUCK!

♪ CLOUD OF SMOKE
AND HE APPEARS ♪

♪ THE MASTER OF SURPRISE ♪

♪ WHO'S THAT CUNNING
MIND BEHIND ♪

♪ THE SHADOWY DISGUISE ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE ♪

♪ THE BAD GUYS
ARE OUT OF LUCK ♪

♪ HERE COMES ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LOOK OUT!

♪ WHEN THERE'S TROUBLE
YOU CALL D.W. ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

LET'S GET DANGEROUS!



♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪

♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
YOU BAD BOYS ♪

♪ DARKWING DUCK ♪♪

AT LAST, THE PROGRAMMING
IS COMPLETE.

BY PUSHING A BUTTON,

I WILL TRANSFER A ZILLION
MEGABLIPS OF INFORMATION

FROM MY MAINFRAME COMPUTER

TO THE THUNDERQUACK'S
NEW ONBOARD COMPUTER.

PLUGGED IN
AND READY TO ZAP.

NO MATTER
WHERE WE ARE
IN TIME OR SPACE,

WE'LL HAVE ACCESS
TO MY FILES...
AND VIDEO GAMES.

INCOMING!

GREAT SCOT, DAD.

THIS TIME, HONKER,
DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES.

OH,
SORRY, GOSALYN.

AHEM.

JUST A SECOND.

GOSALYN!

GEE, DAD,
YOU RUINED MY SHOT.

IF YOU HADN'T NOTICED,
I'M WORKING HERE.

CAN I HELP?

I'D RATHER THE EQUIPMENT
REMAIN IN ONE PIECE.

I WON'T BREAK IT.
WHAT'S THIS DO?

YOU CAN'T KEEP
YOUR HANDS OFF.

THIS ISN'T YOUR TOY.

IT'S ONE OF YOURS.

GROWNUPS GET
ALL THE NEAT STUFF.

[MUMBLES]

THIS NEAT STUFF
IS A SOPHISTICATED PIECE

OF CRIME-FIGHTING
EQUIPMENT

TO TRACK CRIMINAL RECORDS,
ANALYZE EVIDENCE,

RELAY INFORMATION...

AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

WHEN YOU'RE OLDER,
YOU'LL TREAT THINGS
WITH RESPECT.

I MUST BEGIN
THE DATA TRANSFER
JUST LIKE SO...

LIKE SO.

LIKE SO.

LIKE SO!

TRY--

GIVE ME THAT.

TAKE THAT AND THAT
AND THIS!

I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED
D.W.'s KNACK
WITH MACHINERY.

THAT'S SHOWING IT
SOME RESPECT, DAD.

DON'T WORRY.
JUST A SHORT CIRCUIT.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED
TO DO THAT.

AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

[DARKWING'S VOICE]
EVERYONE OK?

[GOSALYN'S VOICE]
THAT WAS EPIC.

LET'S DO IT AGAIN.

[HONKER'S VOICE]
I'M OK...SORT OF.

[LAUNCHPAD'S VOICE]
LAUNCHPAD McQUACK

ALL PRESENT
AND ACCOUNTED FOR.

I THINK.
EVERYTHING'S
KIND OF FUZZY.

GOSALYN,
WHERE ARE YOU?

HERE, DAD.

GOSALYN?

DAD?

AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

SOMETHING WENT WRONG
WHEN I BASHED
THAT BUTTON.

INSTEAD OF
TRANSFERRING
INFORMATION,

I TRANSFERRED US.

TRAPPED
IN A CHILD'S BODY.

HOW CAN I
BATTLE CRIMINALS?

BAD GUYS ARE REALLY
GOING TO TAKE ME
SERIOUSLY NOW.

I'M A GROWNUP?

ALL RIGHT!
NO MORE G-RATED MOVIES!

LOOKS LIKE I'LL NEED
A BOOSTER SEAT.

HOW LONG
WILL THIS LAST, DAD?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

IT COULD BE
PERMANENT.

PERMANENT? WHAT ABOUT
HOCKEY PLAY-OFFS?

DO I HAVE TO
GO TO SCHOOL?

IT WAS BAD ENOUGH
BEFORE.

[DING]

GEE, GEAR.
I GOT A MESSAGE.

YOU MEAN
I GOT A MESSAGE.

IT'S FROM SHUSH.

J. GANDER HOOTER WANTS
ME TO CALL IN ASAP.

DARKWING, THANK YOU
FOR ANSWERING--WHAT?

OH, NO!

UH, DARKWING?
UH, DARKWING DUCK,
WHERE ARE YOU?

RIGHT HERE, WHAT'S UP?

GOSALYN,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT'S HAPPENED
TO YOUR VOICE?

MY VOICE? OH, THAT.

I'M PRACTICING
DISGUISING MY VOICE,
JUST IN CASE.

AH, GOOD THINKING,
DARKWING.

A LITTLE GIRL'S VOICE
COULD COME IN HANDY,
I--I SUPPOSE.

GOOD SAVE. HUH, DAD?

BUT NOW ONTO BUSINESS,
DARKWING.

THE IGGY,
THE LARGEST INTERGALACTIC
ROCKET EVER BUILT,

HAS BEEN STOLEN!

NO FOOLING. BY WHO?

WELL, I WAS HOPING
THAT YOUMIGHT
INVESTIGATE THAT.

ME? OH, UH, RIGHT.
NO PROBLEM.

DARKWING DUCK OUT.

AHH.

HOOTER WANTS ME
ON THE CASE!

CORRECTION--HE WANTS
DARKWING DUCK.

I MAY BE
A SIZE 2 PETITE,

BUT I'M STILL ME.

[CRASH]

GOSALYN, WE CAN'T GO
TO THE MOVIES.

YOUR DAD SAID--
HEY, SINCE WHEN

DO KIDS TELL
ADULTS WHAT TO DO?

WE JUST LOOK LIKE ADULTS.

SAME DIFFERENCE,
TRUST ME.

B-BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DRIVE.

HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
ADULTS DO IT.

[GULP]

[ENGINE STARTS]

PIECE A CAKE.

[HORN HONKS]

AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

SEE? THAT
WASN'T SO BAD.

AAH!
AAH!

WHOA!
WHOA!

WHOA!
WHOA!

YIPE!
YIPE!

HONKER, NEVER EVER LET
ME DO THAT AGAIN, OK?

OK.

WHAT AN OUTRAGE!

YOU'RE IMPEDING MY
CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION.

AND YOU'RE TRYING
MY PATIENCE.

BUT HE'S REALLY
DARKWING DUCK, HONEST.

AND I'M
THE ROOT ROT FAIRY.

NOW SKEDADDLE, OR
I'LL CALL YOUR PARENTS.

PERHAPS A TACTICAL
RETREAT IS IN ORDER.

KIDS HAVE THE DARNDEST
IMAGINATIONS.

ATTEN-HUT!

UH, AT EASE, SOLDIER.

WHEW!

HUH?

NOW WHAT, D.W.?

WE WAIT UNTIL DARK.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IT'S 9 P.M., AND
IT'S STILL NOT DARK.

I HAVE A HUNCH
WHATEVER'S GOING ON

HAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH
THAT STOLEN ROCKET.

SOMETHING WRONG,
OFFICER?

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

UM, OLD ENOUGH
TO KNOW BETTER?

I'M NO ROCKET SCIENTIST,

BUT I THINK IT'S WEIRD
THE SUN LOOKS STUCK.

MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S 10:00
AND THE SUN NEVER SET.

GOLLY, IT WOULD
MEAN THAT SOMETHING

STOPPED THE ROTATION
OF THE EARTH.

OH, BOY. THIS IS GOING
TO BE MAJOR-LEAGUE FUN.

MR. DRAKE MALLARD?

HIYA, DAD.

AHEM. WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE TROUBLE, OFFICER?

THEY WERE TAKING
A JOY RIDE

ON A PRETTY FANCY
MOTORCYCLE.

A JOY RIDE?

IT WASN'T
A JOY RIDE, BUFFOON.

WE WERE ON AN IMPORTANT
MISSION FOR THE GOVERN--

HER SHRINK WARNED ME
ABOUT THIS.

WELL, I COULD
JUST ISSUE A WARNING

THIS TIME.

GREAT!
YOU'RE THE COOLEST!

WHEN WILL YOU TWO
SHOW SOME RESPONSIBILITY?

YOU'RE BOTH
GROUNDED FOR LIFE.

YOUR ALLOWANCE
IS SUSPENDED
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

FUN, HUH?
LIKE WHEN YOU YELL.

I NEVER YELL AT YOU
LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE
GROUNDED FOR LIFE,

AND YOUR ALLOWANCE
IS SUSPENDED
UNTIL FURTHER--

HOW'D IT FIND US?

I HAD IT ON
FLASH-QUACK FORWARD.

I'VE GOT TO CONTACT
J. GANDER HOOTER
IMMEDIATELY!

UH, WHEW!
DARKWING DUCK, WE'VE JUST
RECEIVED THIS VIDEOTAPE.

I'M AFRAID F.O.W.L.
IS BEHIND OUR TROUBLES.

DO I LOOK OK? OH--

HIYA, HOOT.

IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE
EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION,

COURTESY OF THE
FIENDISH ORGANIZATION

FOR WORLD LARCENY.

I KNEW STEELBEAK
WAS BEHIND THIS.

LISTEN UP. TODAY'S LESSON

IS HOW TO COOK UP A CRISIS.

TAKE ONE SPINNING PLANET

ADD ONE IGGYROCKET
TO BRING IT TO A STOP.

CHILL ONE HALF
TILL FROZEN,

WHILE FRYING THE OTHER HALF
LIKE A BURGER.

BON APPETIT.HA HA HA!

IF THIS LITTLE BIT
OF EPICUREAN DELIGHT

ISN'T TO YOUR TASTE,

JUST HAVE THE WORLD
GOVERNMENTS COUGH UP

100 DRILLION SMACKEROOS,

AND WE'LL SELL YOU
THE CHICKEN SALAD INSTEAD.

SO YOU SEE, DARKWING,

STEELBEAK'S
USED THE ENGINES OF IGGY

TO STOP THE ROTATION
OF THE EARTH.

SOON THE SIDE AWAY
FROM THE SUN

WILL FREEZE COMPLETELY,

WHILE OUR SIDE SIZZLES.

IT'S NOT A BLUFF.

THE SUN SHOULD HAVE
SET SEVEN HOURS AGO.

NO WONDER
I'M CRANKY. IT'S
WAY PAST MY BEDTIME.

THE ROCKET'S IN THE
MIDRIFF MOUNTAINS.

OUR SHUSH AGENTS
HAVE FAILED TO PENETRATE

HIS DEFENSES.

YOU, DARKWING DUCK,
ARE OUR ONLY HOPE.

NO PROBLEM!
COUNT ON ME!

OH, THAT VOCAL
IMPRESSION AGAIN.

I'LL PLUCK
THAT STEELBEAK

OR MY NAME ISN'T
DARKWING DUCK.

VENTRILOQUISM, TOO?

YOU NEVER CEASE
TO AMAZE ME, DARKWING.

GOOD LUCK.

TO DARKWING TOWER
AND THUNDERQUACK!

GEE, DAD,
DO YOU THINK

STEELBEAK'S
GOING TO TAKE
KIDS SERIOUSLY?

SHE'S GOT A POINT.

WE'RE A LITTLE SHORT
ON THE OLD DARKWING STYLE.

OK, FINE, GO.

YAHOO!

HEY!

LET'S GET DANGEROUS.

MIDRIFF MOUNTAINS
DEAD AHEAD.

WHOA,
TOTALLY SCHIZOID.

THERE'S NOTHING TO
KEEP THE TEMPERATURE
REGULATED.

WHAT A CHOICE--DEEP
FRIED OR FLASH FROZEN.

WHOA!IGGY UP AHEAD!

WE'VE GOT TO GET
INSIDE THAT ROCKET

AND ROTATE THIS PLANET.

OH, JUST A COUPLE
OF F.O.W.L. EGGMEN.

I'LL FINALLY
USE THIS WHINY
LITTLE BODY.

HEY, WATCH THAT!

SORRY, GOS.
NOTHING PERSONAL.

I MEANT I'LL USE
YOUR NATURAL
ADORABLENESS

TO APPEAL TO
THEIR SOFTER SIDE.

[CRYING]

HE TOOK MY BALL!

PICKING ON
A DEFENSELESS
LITTLE GIRL?

LOOKING FOR
AN EASY MARK?

GEE, I--I DIDN'T, UH--

WAY TO GO!

YOU'RE A BRAT AFTER
MY F.O.W.L. HEART!

SHOULD WE ROUGH
HER UP?

GOLLY, THESE GUYS
REALLY ARE MEAN.

NICE WORK.
NOW, STAY PUT.

LAUNCHPAD AND I
WILL TAKE IT.

WE DID THE HARD PART!

FORGET HIM. WE'RE
GOING TO HELP ANYWAY.

BUT YOUR DAD SAID--

HONKER, I KNOW MY DAD.

IT'S NOT WHAT HE SAYS...

IT'S WHAT HE MEANS.

THEN WHAT'S HE MEAN?

BEATS ME.
I NEVER PAY ATTENTION.

THESE PINT-SIZE BODS
ARE HANDY.

AND NOW,
TO FIND STEELBEAK.

BOY, OH, BOY.

YOU KIDS PICKED
THE WRONG FAN CLUB.

DRESSING UP LIKE
DARKWING DUFUS

WON'T
SCORE POINTS HERE.

GIVE UP NOW,
IRONBREATH,

OR FALL PREY TO
MY DOUBLE-FLIP WEB KICK.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY
HAVE HIS STUPID VOICE

AND CORNY PATTER DOWN.

LET'S SEE
IF YOU'RE COCKY
WHEN UNCONSCIOUS.

HEY! PUT ME DOWN!

YOU GOT
A SENSE OF HUMOR, TOO.

BY THE WAY,

YOU PUNKS MIGHT CONSIDER
CHANGING YOUR ROLE MODELS.

[WHISTLES]

YO, EGGMEN!
TRASH THIS SPACESUIT.

YES, SIR!

HIYA, DAD.
HAPPY TO SEE US?

NO, I WON'T
ACCEPT THE CHECK.

AM I A DRIVE-IN TELLER?

WHAT IS IT
WITH WORLD LEADERS?

DON'T THEY KEEP
AN EXTRA TRILLION?

WHAT? DARKWING DUCK?

THAT EXPLAINS
THE PEANUT GALLERY.

THERE'S NOTHING I HATE MORE
THAN PARTY CRASHERS.

PUT YOUR HELMETS ON!
WE'LL BE SPOTTED!

THEY'RE SO ITCHY.

ATTENTION, ALL EGGMEN!

DARKWING DUCK
HAS BEEN SPOTTED HERE.

A LUXURIOUS
PAID VACATION FOR TWO

GOES TO THAT LUCKY AGENT
WHO CAPTURES HIM.

ACT NOW AND RECEIVE
A SET OF QUACKERWARE.

STAY CALM.
DON'T PANIC.

YIKES!

AAH!
AAH!
AAH!

[ALARM BUZZES]

GEE, GEAR.

WE HIT
THE GRAVITY CONTROL.

SOME RESCUE,
HUH, DAD?

YEAH. LUCKY
WE SURVIVED IT.

NOW, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE.

[MUMBLING]

COME ON! THEY'RE
GAINING ON YOU!

WAA-HO!

OOH!
OOH!
OOH!

WHOA!
OOH!

HIYA, GUYS. YOU'RE IN TIME
FOR THE COOKOUT.

WE'RE HAVING
ONE OF MY SPECIALTIES...

UHH! HOO! UHH!

ROAST DUCK.

GOSALYN, THIS IS GOING
TO HURT A WHOLE BUNCH.

IT WON'T HURT

BECAUSE MY DAD'S GOING
TO RESCUE US ANY SECOND.

1,001...

1,002...

1,000...

THEY COULDN'T DO THIS
IF WE WERE BIG.

BUT WE'D PAY
FULL MOVIE PRICE.

THE KIDS WILL
TAKE OUR HEAT UNLESS--

THAT'S IT! UGH! UHH!

I NEED YOUR HEAD.

THERE'S SOMETHING
I DON'T HEAR EVERY DAY.

THIS AIR LOCK'S DESIGNED
TO STABILIZE AIR PRESSURE.

ALL I DO IS INCREASE
THE PRESSURE...

THEN WE'LL CRAWL OUT.

HEY, I'M IMPRESSED.

LET'S GO.

WHOA! REMIND ME TO
SWEAR OFF PANCAKES.

LET'S GO FIND THE KIDS.

F.O.W.L. HIGH COMMAND
MUST REALIZE

THAT 100 DRILLION
DOLLARS

IS DIFFICULT
TO COME BY.

READ MY BEAK.

TELL THEM TO RAISE
SOME TAXES...

LIKE THEY NEED AN EXCUSE.

IF WE COULD JUST HAVE
A LITTLE MORE TIME...

HOOTY, HOOTY, HOOTY!

YOU WOULDN'T BE
STALLING STEELBEAK,

HOPING YOUR HIRED STOOGE
DIMWING DORK

WOULD SAVE THE DAY?

WHY, NO.
NOTHING OF THE SORT.

THAT'S GOOD, BABE,

'CAUSE MY PAL
DARKWING'S ABOUT TO BECOME
PERMANENTLY INDISPOSED.

WHAT?

ALL RIGHT! CONSIDER ME
VERY ANNOYED! NOW WHAT?

I'M THE TERROR THAT
FLAPS IN THE NIGHT,

THE BUTTER THAT BURNS
IN YOUR PAN!

I AM DARKWING DUCK!

MASTERFUL DISGUISE,
DARKWING.

KID, I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO PLAY GAMES,

EXCEPT MAYBE
CONNECT THE DOTS.

YIPE!

RIGHT NOW, I WOULDN'T
MIND BEING MY OLD SIZE.

WE GOT TO FIND
ANOTHER WAY IN.

STEELBEAK
IS NO PUSHOVER.

DAD'S PROBABLY
MOPPING UP WITH HIM.

[GUNSHOTS]

I HOPE.

LUCKY GOSALYN'S BODY'S
IN GOOD SHAPE.

[CLICK]

KID, LET'S SEE IF YOUSE
CAN DODGE THIS.

NO PROBLEM.

LET'S POINT THIS
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

WH-WHAT'S GOING ON?

IT'S THE
MANEUVERING JETS!

HE'S TURNING US
AROUND!

WAY TO HANG,
DAD!

WHOA!
AAH!
AAH!

WE'RE IN POSITION.

ALL HE HAS DO IS FIRE
THE MAIN ENGINES.

HEY! WHAT'S WITH
YOU GUYS?

LAUNCHPAD?

HONKER?

YES!
YES!

THE ELECTRIC SHOCK
TRIGGERED THE CHANGE.

I AM VERY, VERY, VERY
UPSET WITH YOU, KID.

LIKE I'M REALLY
SCARED.

HEY! WHAT ARE YOU--

LOOKS LIKE
IT'S MY TURN.

WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU'RE YOU AGAIN.

IF I'M HERE, THEN
GOSALYN'S THERE!

ALL RIGHT, DUCKY,

PLAYTIME'S OVER.

REALLY? SO SOON?

HEY, WATCH IT! YOU
COULD HURT SOMEBODY!

THAT WAS THE POINT.

OH, YEAH.
WELL, GOT TO GO.

GET AWAY FROM THERE!

SHE DID IT!
THE EARTH'S MOVING!

ALL RIGHT, GOSALYN!

BUT WHERE IS SHE?

GOSALYN!

HI, DAD.
BYE, DAD.

HUH?

WHERE IS SHE?

UH-OH!
UH-OH!
UH-OH!

YOU'RE
PILLOW STUFFING
NOW, DUCK!

AAH!

WONDER WHERE
HE'S GOING?

I WOULDN'T WANT
TO BE IN HIS SHOES,

NOR ANYONE ELSE'S.

HA HA! YOU CAN
SAY THAT AGAIN.