Daria (1997–2001): Season 4, Episode 1 - Partner's Complaint - full transcript

- ♪ STANDING ON MY NECK ♪

♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪

- AND WE'RE SITTING THERE,
TRYING TO WATCH THE MOVIE,

AND THIS GUY NEXT TO TOM
JUST WON'T SHUT UP,

SO FINALLY, TOM TAKES OUT
A $10 BILL

AND SAYS TO HIM,

"HEY, BUDDY, I'LL PAY
FOR YOUR POPCORN

IF YOU PROMISE TO SIT SOMEWHERE
ELSE AFTER YOU GET IT."

- AND THEN HE DEVELOPED
A VACCINE FOR POLIO

AND TRICKED RUMPELSTILTSKIN
INTO REVEALING HIS NAME.

- OH, COME ON.

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,

THAT YOUNG THOMAS IS
A CLEVER FELLOW.

- YOUNG THOMAS?

IS THAT HOW THEY TALK
AT HIS PREPARATORY ACADEMY?

- HEY, I TOLD YOU,
HIS PARENTS MAKE HIM GO THERE.

- GOSH, HAS HE TRIED
BUYING THEM SOME POPCORN

IF THEY'LL LET HIM GO
SOMEWHERE ELSE?

- YO.
HEY, DARIA.

- YO.
- WHY, YOUNG THOMAS...

HOW NICE TO SEE YOU.

- ANYBODY WANT A RIDE HOME?

- THAT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL OF YOU,

BUT SINCE I LIVE
TWO HOUSES DOWN,

I GUESS I'LL PASS.

- OH, YEAH.

- WELL, I'LL TAKE THAT RIDE.
SEE YOU LATER.

- SEE YOU LATER, DARIA.

- LATER.

SO WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?

- OH, YOU KNOW, NOT MUCH.

- YOU WENT OUT WITH TOM?

- WELL, YEAH.

- YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TIPTOE AROUND ME

LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF
HYSTERICAL NUT JOB.

- THERE ARE MANY WORDS
I COULD USE TO DESCRIBE YOU.

HYSTERICAL IS NOT AMONG THEM.

- I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK,

BUT I KNOW WHAT I THINK,

AND I THINK I THINK
JUST AS WELL AS YOU THINK,

DON'T YOU THINK?

- BABE, IF IT WERE UP TO ME,

I'D WANT YOU TO HAVE
THE BRAIN POWER OF A GUY,

BUT IT'S SCIENCE.

MEN ARE SMARTER

'CAUSE WE HAVE MORE
MUSCLE MASS IN OUR HEADS.

- I'M JUST AS SMART AS YOU,

MAYBE SMARTER.

- OKAY, SURE YOU ARE.

- DON'T YOU FRATRONIZE ME!

- YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS?

I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

- THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER
WHO'S SMARTER?

- THERE'S A BATTLE
OF THE TITANS.

- I DON'T KNOW.

YOU GOT TO GIVE
BRITTANY CREDIT

FOR NOT FEELING
LIKE SHE HAS TO CONFORM

TO HIS IMAGE OF HER.

- WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

- HUH?

- ARE YOU COMPARING KEVIN
AND BRITTANY TO YOU AND ME?

- THERE'S, LIKE, 16 POSSIBLE
COMBINATIONS THERE,

AND NOT A SINGLE ONE
OF THEM WORKS.

- KEVIN SHOULD ACCEPT BRITTANY
SAYING SHE'S SMART,

AND I SHOULD ACCEPT YOU
AND THIS WHOLE TOM WORSHIP.

- DARIA, YOU'RE MAKING
A BIG LEAP HERE,

AND I DON'T WORSHIP TOM
OR ANYONE ELSE.

GET OVER IT.

- I AM.

- CLASS, THIS WILL BE
VERY EXCITING.

WE'RE GOING TO
SET ASIDE OUR BOOKS

AND EXPERIENCE SOME
REAL-LIFE ECONOMICS:

RENTING AN APARTMENT,
APPLYING FOR A CREDIT CARD,

OPENING A RETIREMENT ACCOUNT.

OF COURSE, I DON'T EXPECT YOU
TO ACTUALLY RENT AN APARTMENT

OR WHAT HAVE YOU.

YOU'LL JUST GO THROUGH AS MUCH
OF THE PROCESS AS YOU CAN

AND REPORT BACK
ON YOUR EXPERIENCES.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT TONIGHT IS
TO PICK A PROJECT AND A PARTNER.

- EXCUSE ME.

WHAT IF WE'D PREFER
TO WORK ALONE?

- I'D REALLY RATHER
YOU WORK WITH SOMEONE, DARIA.

IN THE REAL WORLD,

WE RARELY MAKE
FINANCIAL DECISIONS

WITHOUT HAVING TO CONSIDER
SOMEONE ELSE'S NEEDS AND WISHES.

- LOUSY REAL WORLD.

- SO YOU WANT TO DO
THE PROJECT ALONE, HMM?

- KIND OF.

I KIND OF SAID THAT
TO TICK YOU OFF.

- IT WORKED.

- ARE YOU GUYS DOING
THAT ECONOMICS PROJECT TOGETHER?

- NOT NECESSARILY.

- IT'S NOT LOOKING GOOD.

- REALLY?

- AREN'T YOU WORKING
WITH YOUNG MACK?

- I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S KIND OF BAD WITH MONEY.

LIKE, HE'S BEEN OVERDRAWN

ON HIS ALLOWANCE
FOR A WHILE NOW.

- HOW LONG?

- SINCE THIRD GRADE.

- SO, BABE,

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO
FOR OUR ECONOMICS PROJECT?

- I'M NOT DOING ANY PROJECT
WITH YOU, YOU BIG APE.

- UH-OH.

- OH, YEAH?

THEN WHO ARE YOU GOING TO DO
YOUR PROJECT WITH?

- UM...

- UM, DARIA, DO YOU WANT TO WORK
WITH ME ON THIS PROJECT?

- HUH?

- DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS.

- SURE, JODIE, WHY NOT?

- OKAY, COOL.

- JODIE,

MR. THOMPSON
AND I ARE NOT SPEAKING,

SO DO YOU WANT TO DO
THE ECONOMICS PROJECT WITH ME?

- AW, GEE, BRITTANY,
I WISH I COULD,

BUT I PROMISED DARIA
I'D DO IT WITH HER.

- OH.

WELL, UM, HOW ABOUT YOU, JANE?

- YOU WANT TO DO
A CLASS PROJECT WITH ME?

- WELL, NOT REALLY,

BUT I MEAN,
YOU'RE RIGHT HERE AND ALL.

- OH, BRITTANY,
YOU SWEET-TALKER, YOU.

- I HATE EVERYBODY.

SO YOU READY TO WORK?

- COME ON, DARIA.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE
ANY OF THOSE OTHER PROJECTS,

ALL WE'RE LEFT WITH IS TAKING
OUT A SMALL-BUSINESS LOAN,

RENTING AN APARTMENT,

OR BUDGETING A FUNERAL.

- UM, THAT'S SWEET OF YOU,
RUSSELL,

BUT WE JUST WENT OUT
TWO WEEKS AGO,

SO I REALLY CAN'T GO OUT
WITH YOU AGAIN

FOR ANOTHER THREE WEEKS.

WELL, I CONSIDER
A HOSPITAL VISIT A DATE.

SORRY.

ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK
WITH THE NEW KIDNEY AND ALL.

BYE.

- IS THAT BY ANY CHANCE
A SIBLING'S FUNERAL?

- WHY DON'T WE TRY THE LOAN?

I DO WANT TO START
MY OWN BUSINESS AFTER COLLEGE.

- COME ON, MEL,
GIVE ME ANOTHER SHOT.

WE'LL HAVE THEM LINING UP
TO BUY METHANE-POWERED HOT TUBS.

HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS CATCHPHRASE:

"SO IT SMELLS? SO WHAT?"

COME ON, MEL.

THEY'RE GONNA REPOSSESS
MY PARKING SPACE.

- YES, LET'S START A BUSINESS.

NOTHING LIKE
BEING YOUR OWN BOSS.

- WHAT SHOULD WE CALL
OUR COMPANY?

- BRINK OF BANKRUPTCY,
INCORPORATED?

- HOW ABOUT
MILLENNIUM PROJECT ENTERPRISES?

- NO, NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!

IT'S UNETHICAL.
IT'S IMMORAL.

IT MAY WELL BE ILLEGAL.

I'LL HAVE NO PART OF IT.

OKAY, I'LL DO IT.

- IT'S A LITTLE BUSY IN HERE.

YOU WANT TO TAKE A BREAK
AND GET SOME PIZZA?

- CAN I PUT IT ON MY
MILLENNIUM PROJECT ENTERPRISES

EXPENSE REPORT?

- [sighs]

- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?

WE COULD PLAN A WEDDING.

THAT SOUNDS DREAMY.

- I GUESS WE COULD SAY

YOU'RE MARRYING YOUR
HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART

AND I'M JUST THERE
FOR MORAL SUPPORT.

- OH, NO!

I'M NOT MARRYING THAT JERK!

- NO, YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY...

- I TELL YOU WHAT.

WE'LL TELL THEM
MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART

BEGGED AND BEGGED ME
TO MARRY HIM,

BUT I FINALLY HAD ENOUGH
OF ALL HIS IMMATURE BEHAVIOR

AND WENT OFF TO THE BAHAMAS
TO BE ALONE AND THINK,

AND I MET A WONDERFUL
YOUNG STABLEHAND NAMED ANDRE,

AND THE MINUTE WE LOOKED
INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES,

WE KNEW IT HAD TO BE,

BECAUSE ANYONE WHO KNOWS
THAT MUCH ABOUT HORSES

WOULD CERTAINLY KNOW
A LOT ABOUT WOMEN.

- YOU WANT TO GO GET SOME PIZZA?

- OKAY, SO HOW ABOUT WE SAY
WE WANT A HOME LOAN

TO BUILD ONE OF THOSE, UH,
BOOK ROOMS ONTO OUR HOUSE?

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WE'RE A COUPLE OF SMART GUYS.

- YOU MEAN A LIBRARY?

- NO, BRO,

YOU'RE THINKING
OF THAT BUILDING DOWNTOWN

WHERE YOU CAN RENT MOVIES
FOR FREE.

- WHY DIDN'T I PAY MY DAD BACK
IN THIRD GRADE?

- WELL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE
THE WEDDING IDEA,

HOW ABOUT SHOPPING
FOR E-LEC-TIVE SURGERY?

- TOO MESSY.

WHY DON'T WE JUST USE
MY STANDARD APPROACH

AND PICK THE EASIEST?

YOU LIKE CARS?

- SURE!

- OKAY, WE'RE BUYING A CAR.

- HEY.
- YO.

- GOOD AFTERNOON.

- LIKEWISE, I'M SURE.

- MY PARTNER AND I
WERE JUST DISCUSSING

OUR CLASS PROJECT
FOR ECONOMICS.

- WHAT AN AMUSING COINCIDENCE.

SO WERE MY PARTNER AND I.

WE'RE GOING TO PURCHASE
AN AUTOMOBILE.

- A COINCIDENCE, INDEED,

FOR WE'RE GOING TO PURCHASE
AN AUTOMOBILE TOO, AS WELL.

- WELL, I SUPPOSE WE'LL SEE

WHO USES
THEIR SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE

TO GET THE BETTER DEAL,
WILL WE NOT?

- HEY, GUYS.
- HEY, WHAT'S UP?

- HI!
- YOU WANT TO GET A SLICE?

- OKAY.

- WELL, THAT'S NICE.

A BOYFRIEND AND A GIRLFRIEND

GETTING A SLICE TOGETHER
OUT OF MUTUAL RESPECT.

I WOULD ASK YOU TO SIT DOWN,

BUT AS YOU CAN SEE,

I'M HERE WITH MY FRIEND JANE,

WHO RESPECTS MY INTELLIGENCE.

- SHE'S EMBELLISHING A LITTLE.

- WELL, I DON'T NEED
TO SIT WITH YOU,

BECAUSE I'LL JUST SIT WITH...

HEY, MACK!

- WHY DON'T YOU
SIT DOWN WITH US?

- I'M NOT REALLY HUNGRY.

- SEE, I'M LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING SPORTY,

BUT I WANT TO STAY
IN A BUDGET.

- HM...

WHERE DID YOU SAY
YOU GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN?

- LAWNDALE HIGH.

- SO JUST WHAT EXACTLY
IS STANDARD ON THIS CAR,

AND WHAT COSTS EXTRA?

- HM, LAWNDALE HIGH.

I GUESS BEING
A CHEERLEADER AND ALL,

YOU PROBABLY LIKE
TO DATE FOOTBALL PLAYERS.

- I USED TO.

- WHAT ABOUT THE WARRANTY?

HOW MANY YEARS DOES THAT COVER?

- NOT BORING OLD WALLY
THE CAR SALESMAN,

WHO HAS HIS CHOICE
OF ANY CONVERTIBLE ON THE LOT

TO PICK YOU UP WITH
IN FRONT OF ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS.

- WOW, THAT SOUNDS FUN,

BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO ASK YOU

ABOUT THE STICKER PRICE
ON THE CAR.

- STICKER, SCHMICKER.

- NOW, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND
A LOT OF MONEY FOR THIS CAR.

- COURSE NOT!

YOU SHOULD PAY WHAT IT'S WORTH,
NOT A PENNY MORE.

- EXACTLY!

- 'CAUSE YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY A MAN
WHO KNOWS WHAT THINGS ARE WORTH,

SO YOU CAN SEE WHY THIS CAR
IS SUCH A BARGAIN AT $20,000.

- YEAH, BUT HIS BUDGET
IS $10,000.

- FOR HOW MANY YEARS?
- HUH?

- $10,000 FOR HOW MANY YEARS?

ONE, TWO, FIVE?

'CAUSE YOU SPEND $10,000 TODAY
FOR A CRAPPY CAR

AND PUT TWO GRAND
OF WORK INTO IT A YEAR.

IN THREE YEARS,
YOU'LL SPEND $16,000.

YOU'RE SIX GRAND IN THE HOLE.
- HM.

- BUT YOU SPEND 20 GRAND TODAY

FOR A NICE CAR WITH
A THREE-YEAR WARRANTY,

YOU'RE SPENDING ZERO INSTEAD OF
TWO LARGE A YEAR ON REPAIRS.

YOU COME OUT AT THE END
OF THREE YEARS SIX GRAND AHEAD.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
- YES, BUT...

- YOU HANG ONTO THAT CAR
FIVE YEARS,

YOU'VE SAVED TEN GRAND
IN REPAIRS,

AND SINCE YOUR ORIGINAL BUDGET
FOR THE CAR WAS TEN GRAND,

WELL, HELL, FELLAS,

IT'S LIKE YOU JUST GOT YOURSELF
A CAR FOR FREE!

- WAIT A MINUTE.

- YEAH, WAIT A MINUTE.

DOES THIS THING
HAVE CUP HOLDERS?

- AND SO MILLENNIUM
PROJECT ENTERPRISES PLANS

TO EMPOWER YOUNG PEOPLE TO MAKE
THEIR OWN INVESTMENT DECISIONS

SO THAT INVESTING BECOMES
AS NATURAL TO THEM

AS, SAY, GOING OUT FOR
A FAST-FOOD HAMBURGER.

- BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW
NATURAL THOSE HAMBURGERS ARE.

- AND JUST EXACTLY WHAT
IS YOUR ROLE IN THE COMPANY,

MISS MORGENDORFFER?

- PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER.

- DARIA IS THE INSIDE PERSON.

I'M THE OUTSIDE PERSON.

- VERY WISE DECISION.

WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT.

IT'S A FASCINATING IDEA

AND VERY IMPRESSIVE
PRESENTATION,

BUT TWO GIRLS
STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL

WITH NO BUSINESS EXPERIENCE?

YOU'RE WHAT WE CALL
HIGH-RISK APPLICANTS.

I REALLY DON'T THINK
THE BANK WILL GIVE YOU A LOAN,

UNLESS, DARIA, YOU WANT TO ASK
YOUR FATHER TO COSIGN FOR IT.

- I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THAT.

HE'S ALREADY HAD
ONE HEART ATTACK.

- OH, WELL, THEN... I'M SORRY.

- WHAT ABOUT MY FATHER?

- WHAT ABOUT HIM?

DOES HE KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT BUSINESS?

- HE HELPED ME PUT TOGETHER
THIS PROPOSAL

THAT YOU CLAIMED
WAS SO IMPRESSIVE.

- YOUR FATHER'S NOT
ANDREW LANDON, IS HE?

- THAT'S HIM.

- THE FOLDING COFFEE CUP GUY?

- YES, THAT'S MY DAD.

- WELL, THEN, JODIE,

YOU'VE GOT BUSINESS SAVVY
IN YOUR BLOOD.

WHY DON'T I RUN
YOUR PLAN BY MY BOSS

AND SEE WHAT HE THINKS?

MAYBE WE CAN WORK
SOMETHING OUT.

- WHY?

YOU DON'T GIVE LOANS
TO HIGH-RISK APPLICANTS,

UNLESS MAYBE YOU'RE HOPING
YOU'LL GET A LITTLE BUSINESS

FROM THEIR FATHERS.

- NOW, JODIE...

- MY FATHER'S THE SAME HIGH-RISK
COLOR THAT I AM, YOU KNOW.

- WELL, I GUESS THAT MAKES ME
THE OUTSIDE PERSON.

EASY, THERE, SPEEDY.

- THE NERVE OF THAT IDIOT!

LISTENING TO MY BUSINESS PLAN

AND ALL MY ANSWERS
TO HIS QUESTIONS,

THEN ASKING IF YOUR FATHER
WOULD COSIGN THE LOAN.

WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE RIGHT COLOR.

- AT LEAST YOU CALLED HIM ON IT.

- ALL I WANT IS TO BE JUDGED
ON MY OWN MERITS, YOU KNOW?

- MAYBE THEY WON'T BE SO STUPID
AT THE NEXT BANK.

- MAYBE, MAYBE NOT.

- HI, GIRLS.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE LOOKING

TO START UP
A BRAND-NEW BUSINESS.

TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

- YES, WE'RE VERY EXCITED
ABOUT OUR IDEA,

AND WE'VE PUT TOGETHER
A COMPREHENSIVE BUSINESS PLAN

WITH THE HELP OF MY FATHER,
ANDREW LANDON.

- OH, THE FOLDING COFFEE CUP
GUY?

- WOULD YOU MOAN MY NAME

IF I BOINKED YOU IN HEAVEN?

GHOST HOOKERS IN THE SKY
TONIGHT

ON SICK, SAD WORLD.

- JANE, WILL YOU PLEASE
TURN THAT OFF AND LISTEN?

- SORRY.

- ALL RIGHT,

SO THEN THE NICE MAN TOLD US

WE COULD HAVE THE CAR
FOR $100 OVER DEALER'S COST,

AND...

- HEY, JANEY.

HEY, DA... WHOA!

[doorbell rings]

- WALLY!

- HEY, JANE LANE.

I WAS JUST PASSING BY
IN A HOT NEW VEXER,

AND I REMEMBERED
YOUR ADDRESS.

- BUT I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU.

- I LOOKED IT UP
BEFORE I JUST PASSED BY.

ANYWAY, I SAW BRITTANY'S
OLD JUNKER OUT FRONT THERE,

AND I SAID TO MYSELF,

"WALLY, YOU CAN'T LET THAT GIRL
DRIVE AROUND IN THAT DEATH TRAP.

IT'LL BE ON YOUR CONSCIENCE."

- THAT'S MY CAR.

- YEAH? NICE.

SO, BRITTANY,
YOU UP FOR A TEST DRIVE?

"AND SO ARMED WITH
A REALISTIC MISSION STATEMENT

"AND A DETAILED THREE-YEAR
BUSINESS PLAN,

"WE MANAGED TO SECURE
A START-UP LOAN

AND A LINE OF CREDIT AT
THE SECOND BANK WE VISITED."

HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

- SOUNDS LIKE AN "A".

- THAT'S WHAT I THINK.

"AFTER WE EXPLAINED
THAT THE WHOLE THING

"HAD ONLY BEEN
A SCHOOL PROJECT,

"THE LOAN OFFICER
SHOOK OUR HANDS

"AND SAID TO BE SURE
AND COME SEE HIM

WHEN WE WERE REALLY
READY TO START A BUSINESS."

- AND WE ALL TRIPPED OFF
INTO THE SUNSET

WITH A HAPPY SONG ON OUR LIPS.

- SOMETHING WRONG?

- WHAT COULD BE WRONG?

IT WAS A TRIUMPH
FOR ALL INVOLVED.

- SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- WHAT PROBLEM?

- YOUR PROBLEM.

- NO PROBLEM.
IT'S LIKE YOU SAID.

ARMED WITH BLAH, BLAH,
AND BLAH,

WE WENT IN AND GOT A LOAN

STRICTLY ON THE MERITS
OF OUR WORK.

- UH-HUH.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOU THINK HAPPENED?

- OKEY-DOKE.

WHAT I THINK HAPPENED IS:

YOU WENT TO ONE BANK,
AND A LOAN OFFICER DISMISSED YOU

ON THE BASIS OF YOUR YOUTH
AND POSSIBLY YOUR RACE,

UNTIL HE FOUND OUT
WHO YOUR FATHER WAS,

AT WHICH POINT
HE STARTED KISSING YOUR BUTT,

YOU CALLED HIM A HYPOCRITE,
AND WE WALKED OUT.

- THAT'S RIGHT

- ONLY TO GO INTO A SECOND BANK,

WHERE THE FIRST WORDS
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

WERE YOUR FATHER'S NAME.

- WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT,
DARIA?

- WELL, WHICH WAS MORE
HYPOCRITICAL:

THE FIRST GUY'S
CHANGING HIS TUNE

WHEN HE FOUND OUT
WHO YOUR FATHER WAS,

OR YOU MAKING SURE
THE SECOND GUY

KNEW WHO YOUR FATHER WAS
BEFORE HE FORMED AN OPINION?

- ARE YOU CALLING ME
A HYPOCRITE?

- NO, I'M JUST SAYING...

- HEY, OUR ASSIGNMENT WAS
TO GET A LOAN,

NOT SAVE THE WORLD.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO APPROACH
AN ADULT FINANCIAL SITUATION

LIKE ADULTS,
AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID.

I USED THE RESOURCES
AT MY DISPOSAL TO GET THE LOAN:

MY DAD'S NAME.

AND IF I HAPPENED TO DEPART
FROM YOUR BLACK-AND-WHITE WORLD

OF ETHICS...
NO PUN INTENDED...

- NONE TAKEN.

- AND WANDERED INTO A GRAY AREA,
THEN TOO BAD.

MAYBE THE FIRST GUY WAS
A RACIST, MAYBE NOT.

MAYBE I WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE I OVERREACTED.

HEY, YOU WOULDN'T BE
WORKING WITH ME

IF YOU WEREN'T FIGHTING
WITH JANE.

DOES THAT MAKE YOU A RACIST?

- DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

- DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S ETHICAL
AND WHAT'S NOT.

I APPROACHED IT LIKE
A SMART BUSINESSPERSON,

AND I GOT THE LOAN.

- FAIR ENOUGH.

- ARE WE DONE HERE?

- OH, YEAH.
WE'RE DONE.

- GOOD.
I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL.

HI, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.

- HELLO, JODIE.

- SO THEN THE CAR SALESMAN GUY
WAS SO SAD

WHEN HE FOUND OUT
WE WEREN'T REALLY BUYING A CAR.

HE SAID THEY HAD THESE BIG
CONVENTIONS IN THE BAHAMAS,

WHERE THEY ALL TALK ABOUT
THE SALES THEY MADE,

AND HE WAS HOPING TO TALK
ABOUT OUR SALE,

AND NOW HE COULDN'T.
- POOR GUY.

- AND THEN HE INVITED ME TO GO
TO THE CONVENTION WITH HIM

SO I COULD SEE FOR MYSELF.

- HEY, WHAT'S UP?
- HEY.

- HELLO, MACK.

- EXCUSE ME, MACK,

BUT WOULD YOU TELL
THESE LADIES

ABOUT THE AWESOME DEAL
I JUST MADE FOR A CAR?

- GO ON, TELL US, MACK.

- COULD EVERYONE STOP SAYING
MY NAME LIKE THAT?

IT'S CREEPING ME OUT.

- OF COURSE, MA...

UM, SURE.

- ANYWAY, THIS DEALER WANTED
TO SELL US A BRAND-NEW VEXER

FOR THE STICKER PRICE,

20 GRAND, BUT KEVIN WENT BACK
BY HIMSELF,

AND BY OFFERING THE GUY CASH,

HE GOT HIM DOWN TO $18,500.

- YOU DID, HUH?

- THAT'S PECULIAR.

JANE AND I MADE A DEAL

FOR THE SAME CAR FOR $16,000.

I BELIEVE THAT'S SEVERAL
THOUSAND DOLLARS LOWER

THAN YOUR ARRANGEMENT,

IF MY MATHEMATICS HOLD...
OR HOLDS.

- OH, YEAH?

LET'S SEE THE PAPERWORK.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DIDN'T REALLY BUY THE CAR.

- YEAH, KEVIN,

SHE'D HAVE TO BE AN IDIOT

TO THINK MRS. BENNETT
ACTUALLY WANTED HER

TO GO THROUGH
WITH THE PURCHASE.

- I GOT TO GET
TO THAT CAR PLACE!

- HOW'D YOUR THING
WITH DARIA GO?

- OH, OKAY, I GUESS.

[knocking]

- YEAH?

NO, I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

- TALK ABOUT WHAT?

- WHATEVER IT IS

YOU CAME IN TO HAVE A
HEART-TO-HEART TALK ABOUT.

- I CAME IN TO ASK YOU
TO RINSE OFF YOUR DISHES

BEFORE YOU PUT THEM
IN THE DISHWASHER.

YOUR FATHER FOUND A CHEESE FRY

MELTED ONTO HIS
"WORLD'S GREATEST DAD" CUP,

AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS
SOME KIND OF RODENT.

NOW HE'S SWORN OFF COFFEE.

- THEN I SHOULD BE HEARING FROM
THE NOBEL COMMITTEE ANY DAY NOW.

- ALL RIGHT, THEN.

I'LL LEAVE YOU
TO YOUR READING.

- DON'T I SEEM INORDINATELY
UNHAPPY TO YOU?

- I DON'T WANT TO PRY.

WELL...

I DID OVERHEAR
YOUR ARGUMENT WITH JODIE.

- DO YOU THINK I'M A RIGID,
UNREALISTIC,

UNFORGIVING,
SELF-RIGHTEOUS JERK

WHO CAN'T HOLD ON TO A FRIEND?

- SHE DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

- BUT DO YOU?

- DARIA, YOU HAVE
STRONG BELIEFS,

AND YOU WANT TO LIVE BY THEM.

THAT'S NOT A FAULT
OR A CHARACTER FLAW.

IT'S ADMIRABLE.

IT'S WHAT MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE.

- JODIE DIDN'T THINK SO.

- JODIE IS A LITTLE MORE
PRAGMATIC THAN YOU ARE.

SHE DIDN'T APPRECIATE
BEING CRITICIZED FOR IT.

- I DON'T BLAME HER.

- AND SINCE SHE'S PRAGMATIC,

SHE ALSO KNOWS THAT THE FACT
THAT SOMEONE'S HAVING A BAD DAY

DOESN'T MAKE THEM A BAD PERSON.

- WHAT ABOUT SOMEONE

WITH A PATTERN
OF ALIENATING PEOPLE

WITH HER SELF-RIGHTEOUS
PRONOUNCEMENTS?

- PEOPLE AREN'T AS EASILY
ALIENATED AS YOU THINK, DARIA.

ASK JANE.
SHE'LL TELL YOU.

- AND IN CONCLUSION,

THIS PROJECT TAUGHT US
SEVERAL VALUABLE LESSONS

ABOUT FINANCIAL TRANSACTIONS
IN THE REAL WORLD.

- YEAH, LIKE NEVER LEAVE
A CASH DOWN PAYMENT.

[bawls]

OH, GOSH!

DON'T LET THEM
SEE ME LIKE THIS.

- UM, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- WELL, THAT WAS
CERTAINLY INFORMATIVE.

NOW LET'S HEAR
FROM JODIE AND DARIA,

WHO WENT OUT SEEKING A LOAN
TO START A NEW BUSINESS.

- BEFORE VISITING BANKS
TO APPLY FOR A LOAN,

WE REALIZED WE WOULD HAVE TO
HAVE ALL OUR NUMBERS IN ORDER.

WE ALSO TRIED TO ANTICIPATE
THE BANKERS' QUESTIONS

AND BE READY
WITH DETAILED ANSWERS.

- ALTHOUGH WHAT
ACTUALLY GOT US THE LOAN

HAD LITTLE TO DO
WITH ALL THAT PREPARATION.

IT WAS BEING FLEXIBLE ENOUGH
TO TAILOR OUR APPROACH

TO WHAT WOULD MAKE THE
BANK OFFICER FEEL COMFORTABLE

ABOUT LENDING US MONEY.

- UM, WE STARTED
BY DEFINING INTERNALLY

EXACTLY WHAT OUR FINANCIAL
OBJECTIVES WOULD BE.

- HEY, DARIA.

THAT WAS NICE WHAT YOU SAID
IN THAT PRESENTATION.

- DON'T GET CONCEITED.

THE ONLY REASON I CHANGED
MY MIND ABOUT WHAT YOU DID

IS THAT I WAS WRONG
AND I ACTED LIKE A CLOD.

- THAT'S TWO REASONS.

- RUB IT IN, WHY DON'T YOU?

- LISTEN, I SHOULDN'T HAVE
BITTEN YOUR HEAD OFF EITHER.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I WAS TIRED OF THAT HEAD
ANYWAY.

- SEE YOU LATER?

- LATER.

- HEY.
- HEY.

- COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING THAT
YOU'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A CLOD.

- YEAH, I'LL BET
THAT CAME AS A BIG SHOCK.

WELL, AT LEAST
SHE ACTED STUPID TOO,

SO WE BOTH HAD TO APOLOGIZE.

- YEAH. IMAGINE
HOW BAD YOU'D FEEL

IF YOU'D BEEN BEHAVING
LIKE THAT

TOWARD SOMEONE WHO HADN'T EVEN
DONE ANYTHING TO YOU.

- YEAH, JUST IMAGINE.

LISTEN, JANE, I...

- ON THE OTHER HAND,

IMAGINE IF YOU HAD
THIS REALLY GOOD FRIEND

WHO WAS HAVING
A REALLY BAD WEEK,

AND THIS FRIEND'S BEEN ACTING

PRETTY MUCH LIKE A JERK
TOWARD YOU.

- YEAH.

- BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW
HOW BADLY SHE FEELS ABOUT IT.

YOU WITH ME?

- UM, I THINK SO.

- MAYBE IT'S THIS FRIEND

THAT YOU DON'T GET TO SEE
AS OFTEN AS YOU USED TO,

BUT YOU STILL CARE
JUST AS MUCH ABOUT HER,

AND YOU HATE TO SEE HER UNHAPPY.

- YEAH.

- WELL, MAYBE YOU'D JUST FORGIVE
THAT FRIEND FOR WHAT SHE DID

WITHOUT EVEN ASKING
FOR AN APOLOGY,

JUST TO LET HER KNOW, YOU KNOW,

THAT YOU'RE STILL BEST FRIENDS.

- THAT'S AN INTERESTING SCENARIO
YOU PROPOSE.

SUPPOSE THAT LEFT YOUR FRIEND,
UM, KIND OF EMBARRASSED

AND SPEECHLESS?

- WELL, THEN, I'D JUST TELL HER

THAT I'D MEET HER
FOR PIZZA AFTER SCHOOL.

GIVE THE KID SOME TIME
TO COLLECT HERSELF.

- SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA.

- I THOUGHT SO.

- SO THEN BRITTANY SAYS
TO THIS WALLY GUY,

"DID THEY HAVE FOOTBALL
WHEN YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL?"

- THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR
PUTTING DOWN YOUR TOM STORIES.

- HEY, I'VE STILL GOT A BUNCH
OF THOSE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD.

- LET'S NEVER, EVER
FIGHT AGAIN, OKAY?

WE SHAN'T LET ANYTHING
MAR OUR LOVE.

- OH, BABE, YOU'RE SO HOT.

- OH, KEVIE.

- LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING'S
BACK TO NORMAL

IN THE LAND
OF SLOW-WITTED LOVE.

- WALLY!

- WALLY?
WHO'S WALLY?

- HEY, BRITTANY,
SOME IDIOT BOUGHT A CAR

AND THEN RETURNED IT
THE NEXT DAY.

NOW I GOT TO SELL IT
AS USED.

HOW'D YOU LIKE A BRAND-NEW VEXER
FOR HALF PRICE?

- WOW!
- HEY, WAIT! THAT'S MY CAR!

YOU CAN'T BUY IT
FOR HALF PRICE!

- WHY NOT? YOU RETURNED IT.

- I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME.

WHAT A TRAITOR!

- TRAITOR?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU...

- OH, IT'S JUST LIKE YOU...

- YUP.
EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL.

- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪

♪ LA-LA, LA ♪

♪ LA-LA, LA ♪

♪ LA-LA, LA ♪

♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪

♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪