Daria (1997–2001): Season 3, Episode 2 - Through a Lens Darkly - full transcript
Reluctantly persuaded to try wearing contact lenses, Daria finds them physically, socially, and philosophically uncomfortable.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- ALL RIGHT, DARIA,
DON'T START YOUR TURN
TILL YOUR FRONT WHEELS
ARE PAST THE CORNER.
THAT'S IT.
NOW ACCELERATE
AS YOU START TO STRAIGHTEN.
GOOD.
WATCH OUT FOR THE DOG.
WATCH OUT, DARIA!
- OH, MY GOD.
DID I KILL HIM?
I NEVER EVEN SAW HIM.
I'M A DOG KILLER.
- LOOK, HONEY.
- GOD, THAT WAS CLOSE.
- NO HARM DONE.
- I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF
IF I HIT A DOG.
WOULD YOU MIND TELLING QUINN
I KILLED HIM?
- OH!
DIDN'T YOU SEE HIM?
HE CAME RUNNING RIGHT UP
ON YOUR SIDE OF THE CAR.
- I DON'T SEE WAY OFF
TO THE SIDE TOO WELL.
MY GLASSES SORT OF BLOCK
THE VIEW.
- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
ISN'T THAT A PROBLEM?
- IT IS FOR DOGS.
- WHEN HE TURNED UP HIS NOSE
AT ACCORDION LESSONS,
THEY CUT OFF HIS INHERITANCE
MOLTO ALLEGRO.
THE SEVERED PIANIST,
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- ENTER.
- DARIA?
- CORRECT.
- YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION.
- THAT'S REALLY STRANGE.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT
YOUR HIGH-FREQUENCY HEARING.
- HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT
TRYING CONTACT LENSES?
- POORLY.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH WEARING GLASSES.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT DOG TODAY?
- EXACTLY.
IF HE'D HAD HIS GLASSES ON,
HE WOULD HAVE SEEN THE DAMN CAR
AND WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION.
- DARIA, I JUST THINK
THAT YOUR FIELD OF VISION
COULD REALLY BE ENHANCED...
- COME ON, MOM.
IT'S NOT MY FIELD OF VISION
YOU WANT TO ENHANCE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WE'VE HAD
THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE.
YOU THINK IF I GET CONTACTS,
I'LL SUDDENLY TURN
INTO THE HOMECOMING QUEEN.
- DARIA, GIVE ME SOME CREDIT.
YOU CAN STILL WEAR YOUR GLASSES.
NOBODY'S GONNA TAKE THEM
AWAY FROM YOU.
- BUT?
- BUT CONTACTS ARE BETTER
FOR SOME THINGS,
LIKE DRIVING OR SPORTS.
- YOU MEAN I'LL FINALLY MAKE
THE WRESTLING TEAM?
- DARIA, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE
SOME ETHICAL ISSUE
WITH WEARING CONTACTS.
- HOW ABOUT THINKING PEOPLE
SHOULD ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM
WITHOUT MY HAVING TO CHANGE?
- RIGHT.
THEY SHOULD ACCEPT YOU
FOR WHO YOU ARE:
A COMPLEX AND INTERESTING
YOUNG LADY WORTH KNOWING,
INSTEAD OF SEEING YOUR GLASSES
AND JUMPING
TO SOME MORONIC CONCLUSION
BASED ON RIDICULOUS STEREOTYPES
AND THEIR OWN IGNORANCE.
- MMM.
GOOD ONE.
♪ ♪
I ALMOST KILLED A DOG YESTERDAY.
- GONNA WORK YOUR WAY UP
TO HUMANS SLOWLY?
- DURING MY DRIVING LESSON.
NOW MY MOTHER'S BUGGING ME
ABOUT CONTACTS AGAIN.
- BOY, SHE JUST DOESN'T GET IT,
DOES SHE?
- NOPE; SHE REALLY DOESN'T.
GET WHAT?
- YOU.
THE WHOLE DARIA MORGENDORFFER
PERSONA.
YOU DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK
ABOUT YOUR LOOKS.
- OF COURSE NOT.
- THE GLASSES ARE YOU.
THEY'RE SYMBOLIC
OF THE WHOLE DARIA THING.
"I WEAR GLASSES, AND I'M NOT
GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR IT."
MM.
- YEAH, EXACTLY.
OF COURSE,
YOU DON'T WEAR GLASSES,
SO FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW,
IT'S ALL THEORETICAL.
- WHAT?
- PASS THE COOKIE DOUGH.
- CARAMEL, PLUM, OF COURSE.
BLACK IS ALWAYS GOOD.
COME IN.
DARIA?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- NOTHING.
JUST PASSING BY.
SAW YOUR LIGHT ON.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- UH, QUINN, COULD I ASK...
- YES?
A QUESTION?
A FAVOR?
- COULD I ASK YOUR OPINION
ON SOMETHING?
- WHAT, IS THIS A TRICK?
WHAT'S THE CATCH?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK
YOUR FRIEND JANE?
- JANE CAN'T HELP ME.
I NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE
MORE ATTUNED
TO MATTERS OF APPEARANCE.
- YOU'RE ASKING MY ADVICE,
AREN'T YOU?
- QUINN, PLEASE.
THIS IS HARD ENOUGH.
- I ALWAYS KNEW
THIS DAY WOULD COME
AND WONDERED HOW IT WOULD BE,
YET NOW THAT IT HAS,
I FEEL STRANGELY SERENE.
SIT DOWN, DARIA.
I CAN HELP YOU.
- WHO SAID I NEED HELP?
- DARIA, IF WE'RE TO MAKE
ANY PROGRESS AT ALL,
YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY HONEST
WITH ME.
NOW, WHEN DID YOU FIRST BEGIN
TO SUSPECT
THAT YOUR OUTFIT SUCKED?
- IT'S NOT MY OUTFIT.
- OKAAAAY, WHEN DID YOUR FRIEND
FIRST BEGIN TO SUSPECT
THAT YOUR OUTFIT SUCKED?
- SUPPOSE YOU WERE WELL-KNOWN
FOR NOT CARING
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU
AND THEN SUDDENLY
YOU DID SOMETHING THAT SHOWED
MAYBE YOU DO CARE A LITTLE ABOUT
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.
WOULD THAT INVALIDATE EVERYTHING
YOU'D DONE AND SAID UP TO THEN
AND MAKE YOU A HYPOCRITE?
- DARIA, YOU'RE GIVING ME
A HEADACHE!
- WHAT WOULD YOU THINK
IF I GOT CONTACTS?
- CONTACTS?
GREAT!
BUT WHAT COLOR ARE YOU THINKING?
BECAUSE CLEAR ONES DON'T CALL
ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES SO MUCH,
WHICH MAYBE YOU WANT,
BUT THEN WHO COULD RESIST
BEING ABLE TO CHANGE
THEIR EYE COLOR AT WILL?
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- BLUE GOES
WITH JUST ABOUT ANY OUTFIT,
BUT GREEN ADDS THAT TOUCH
OF EXOTICA
THAT MANY YOUNG WOMEN CRAVE.
- HANG ON.
ALL I ASKED WAS...
- THEN, OF COURSE,
YOU'LL WANT TO CHANGE YOUR HAIR
TO FRAME YOUR NEW FACE,
A DECISION UNTO ITSELF.
AND OBVIOUSLY, A NEW WARDROBE.
- UGH.
- DARIA, WAIT!
I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED.
WE'LL START SLOW,
WITH SOME SCRUNCHIES!
- OH, THAT SISTER OF MINE.
SHE'S AS TWISTED AS A CORKSCREW.
- MM.
- DAMN SIBLINGS.
- HONESTLY,
I THINK THE ONLY REASON
SHE EVER GETS IN TOUCH AT ALL
IS SO THAT SHE CAN GET
UNDER MY SKIN.
- MM.
- DAMN SUBDERMAL IRRITANTS.
- I MEAN, LISTEN TO THIS NOTE
SHE SENT WHEN SHE WAS IN HAWAII.
"DEAR SIS, YOU'D LOVE
ISLAND LIFE:
"BEAUTIFUL SUN,
WONDERFUL PEOPLE,
"UMBRELLA DRINKS AT THE KANILEA.
"ONLY THING IS,
YOU'D HAVE TO A TAKE A VACATION.
"OH, WELL,
SORRY I BROUGHT IT UP.
MY LOVE TO ALL, AMY."
GOD, ISN'T THAT ANNOYING?
- MM.
- DAMN SUBTLE BARBS.
- LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF HER
SMILING BY THE POOL,
LIKE SHE CAN EVEN SEE THE CAMERA
WITHOUT HER GLASSES.
- AUNT AMY?
- MM.
- HELLO?
- AUNT AMY?
- HEY, MY FAVORITE NIECE.
- OH.
- WHO IS THIS?
- UM, IT'S...
- I'M JOKING, DARIA.
HOW ARE YOU?
YOUR MOTHER HASN'T HAD A STROKE,
HAS SHE?
- WELL, I HAVEN'T CHECKED HER
IN THE LAST HALF-HOUR.
HOW WAS HAWAII?
- WISH I WERE STILL THERE.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- UM, I WANTED TO ASK
YOUR ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING.
I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING
CONTACT LENSES.
- UH-HUH.
SOUNDS GOOD.
- IT DOES?
- WHY NOT?
- WELL, ISN'T IT KIND OF VAIN?
DO YOU HAVE MIRRORS
IN YOUR HOUSE, DARIA?
- YEAH.
- DO YOU LOOK IN THEM
BEFORE YOU GO OUT?
- YEAH.
- WELL, THEN, YOU'RE ALREADY
GOING TO HELL,
SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL
GET THE LENSES.
YOU'LL SEE THE BRIMSTONE BETTER.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- I MEAN, HAVING CONTACTS
IS NO MORE VAIN
THAN PRIMPING IN THE MIRROR.
IT JUST GIVES YOU DIFFERENT
OPTIONS ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK.
IT WOULDN'T CHANGE
YOUR PERSONALITY,
IT WOULDN'T CHANGE YOUR VALUES,
AND IT WOULD SET YOUR PARENTS
BACK A COUPLE HUNDRED BUCKS,
SO I DON'T SEE
ANY DOWNSIDE AT ALL.
- THANKS, AUNT AMY.
- I'D LOVE TO SEE
HOW IT TURNS OUT.
SEND ME A PICTURE, OKAY?
- YOU WANT A PICTURE OF ME
WITH MY CONTACTS?
- EITHER THAT OR A SHOT
OF RALPH FIENNES,
WHICHEVER.
- DARIA?
- MM?
- I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I WAS THINKING
ABOUT OUR CONVERSATION
THE OTHER DAY,
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BELIEVE FOR A SECOND
THAT I THINK YOU NEED CONTACT
LENSES.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT
NO MATTER WHAT,
AND I UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT
YOUR OBJECTION TO CONTACTS,
AND THERE'LL BE
NO MORE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT IT.
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
YOU TALKED ME INTO IT.
- I DID?
- MOM, THAT REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY
OF YOURS IS KILLER.
- ♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
- SO LET'S SEE.
THERE'S REALLY NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT
OTHER THAN A SLIGHT RISK
OF EPITHELIAL EDEMA,
POSSIBLE CONCERN
OVER BULBAR HYPEREMIA,
THE OUTSIDE CHANCE
OF KERATOCONUS
AND POLYMEGATHISM,
AND THE USUAL TIRESOME WORRIES
ABOUT GIANT PAPILLARY
CONJUNCTIVITIS.
- UM, IS THERE ANY CHANCE
MY EYES WON'T FALL OUT?
- THERE'S NO REASON TO EXPECT
ANY COMPLICATIONS WHATSOEVER
IF YOU WEAR YOUR LENSES
ACCORDING TO INSTRUCTIONS
AND TAKE CARE OF THEM PROPERLY.
- SO IF ANYTHING DOES GO WRONG,
IT'S MY FAULT.
- THAT'LL BE OUR POSITION.
NOW, SHOW ME ONCE AGAIN
HOW YOU PUT THE LENS IN.
THAT'S IT.
RIGHT UP AGAINST THE EYEBALL.
- AHHHHH!
READY?
- MM.
- OKAY THEN.
TIME TO GO.
- MM.
- YOU'RE NOT REALLY MUCH
OF A MORNING PERSON, ARE YOU?
- WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES?
- I'M NOT WEARING THEM.
- HUH?
- I GOT CONTACTS.
- HMM.
- I HOPE THIS ISN'T GONNA CHANGE
YOUR OPINION OF ME.
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
I'VE CHANGED OR COMPROMISED
OR BECOME A SHALLOW PERSON WHO
ONLY CARES ABOUT THEIR LOOKS,
'CAUSE IT WOULD REALLY BOTHER ME
IF YOU THOUGHT THAT.
- NO, I DON'T THINK ANYTHING
LIKE THAT.
- GOOD.
- WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES?
- OKAY, SO NOW THAT YOU'RE MORE
OR LESS AWAKE,
ARE YOU READY TO TELL ME
I'VE SOLD OUT?
- YOU LOOK PRETTY COOL.
- OH, YEAH?
THEN WHAT DID I LOOK LIKE
BEFORE?
- HEY, GLASSES, NO GLASSES...
EITHER WAY WORKS FOR ME.
- AND YOU CALL YOURSELF
A FRIEND.
- NOW, WHEN HE SHED
HIS REGAL VESTMENTS
AND BEGAN DRESSING
AS IF HE HAD NO MONEY,
A VERY FUNNY THING HAPPENED
TO THE PRINCE.
WHAT WAS THAT?
KEVIN?
- HE BECAME THE POOR GUY
FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE PRINCE?
- KEVIN, I MUST SAY,
I'M MYSTIFIED
BY YOUR CONTINUING INABILITY
TO ABSORB ANYTHING
FROM THIS CLASS.
- UM, IS THAT BAD?
- I'M SORRY TO SPEAK
SO HARSHLY, KEVIN,
BUT I WOULDN'T DO SO
IF I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD
THE INNER STRENGTH
TO HEAR AND TO HEED.
- THANKS!
- BRITTANY, HOW DOES THE PRINCE
CHANGE IN THIS STORY?
- HE, UM, HE DOESN'T TURN
INTO A FROG, DOES HE?
DA... HUH.
I WISH DARIA WERE HERE.
- I'M HERE.
- DARIA?
IS THAT YOU?
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR GLASSES?
- UM, I'M WEARING
CONTACT LENSES.
- GOOD FOR YOU, DARIA.
WHAT A POSITIVE GESTURE.
YOU'RE TAKING COMMAND
OF YOUR APPEARANCE
AND EMPOWERING YOURSELF
TO CARVE YOUR OWN IDENTITY.
- ACTUALLY, I'M NOT SURE
THAT I WANT AN IDENTITY
BASED ON APPEARANCE.
- OF COURSE NOT.
THE INNER YOU,
THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
I JUST MEANT
THAT A REVISED OUTER YOU
IS AN EVEN MORE CONFIDENT
MANIFESTATION
OF THE UNCHANGED INNER YOU,
THE REAL YOU:
THE YOU-NESS INSIDE.
- I GOT THEM FOR DRIVING.
- EXCELLENT.
SO WHY ARE YOU WEARING THEM NOW?
- CLASS, I HAVE SOME
EXTREMELY DISTURBING NEWS.
SOMEONE HAS APPARENTLY PILFERED
THE SCHOOL'S FINGERPRINTING KIT.
MS. MORGENDORFFER?
- IT WASN'T ME.
I MUCH PREFER
FIBER SPECTROANALYSIS.
- DID YOU GET CONTACT LENSES?
- UM, YES.
- WELL DONE.
- EXCUSE ME?
- YOU'RE INVITING
YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS
TO GET TO KNOW YOU
A LITTLE BETTER.
YOU'RE DROPPING
THAT STANDOFFISH PERSONA.
KUDOS!
- I GOT THEM FOR DRIVING.
- AH.
SO WHY ARE YOU WEARING THEM NOW?
- I'M REALLY PSYCHED, BABE.
ALL THAT BENCH-PRESSING
IS PAYING OFF.
- HUH?
- TONE, BABE.
YOU HEARD WHAT MR. O. SAID
ABOUT SEEING MY INNER STRENGTH.
- UM, BABE, HE WAS TRYING TO SAY
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY SMARTER.
- OH.
WELL, AM I SUPPOSED TO?
- YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT SCHOOL'S FOR...
FROM A TEACHER'S POINT OF VIEW.
- OH.
- DO YOU THINK CONTACTS REVEAL
THE YOU-NESS INSIDE?
- I DON'T KNOW.
WHO'S EUNICE, AND WHY DOESN'T
SHE GET HER OWN BODY?
- WHOEVER SHE IS,
SHE MUST BE VERY SAD.
I CAN'T STOP TEARING UP.
- DARIA, I LIKE YOUR NEW LOOK.
- UM, THANKS.
- YEAH, YOU'RE, LIKE,
PRACTICALLY NORMAL.
- KEVIN, HOW COME YOU ALWAYS
KNOW JUST WHAT TO SAY?
- IT'S A GIFT.
BUT WHY DID YOU GET
CONTACT LENSES?
- I WANTED TO FIT IN BETTER.
- COOL.
- I WAS AFRAID MY GLASSES
WERE MAKING ME TOO SMART.
- REALLY?
- YO.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- THESE CONTACTS ARE ITCHING
THE HELL OUT OF ME.
I GOT TO TAKE 'EM OUT,
BUT I DON'T HAVE
MY GLASSES HERE.
- WELL, THERE'S ONLY
TWO PERIODS LEFT.
CAN YOU HOLD OUT?
- GUESS I HAVE TO.
- BIG CRACK IN THE SIDEWALK
COMING UP.
WANT TO WATCH THAT.
LOOK OUT FOR THAT BRANCH.
THERE'S SOME KIDS COMING.
NEVER MIND.
THEY TURNED THE CORNER.
- WHO'S THAT?
- IT'S TRENT.
- HEY, DARIA, LOOKS GOOD.
- NOW, WATCH OUT FOR THE GIRL
WITH THE RED FACE
WHO'S FORGOTTEN HOW TO WALK.
OH, NEVER MIND, THAT'S YOU.
♪ ♪
OW.
UGH.
NO CONTACTS TODAY.
NO GLASSES EITHER.
- HEY, THE CONTACTS ARE BACK,
HUH?
YOUR EYES MUST BE
FEELING BETTER.
- UM, YEAH, BETTER.
BUT, UM, I'M STILL
A LITTLE BLURRY.
- ♪ LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
- HEY!
- SORRY.
- OW!
- OH, UH, SORRY, UPCHUCK.
- SWEET DARIA, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO RESORT TO A RUSE
TO GET INTO MY PERSONAL SPACE.
ALL YOU NEED DO IS ASK.
- YOUR PERSONAL SPACE
IS THE FINAL FRONTIER, UPCHUCK,
ONE WHERE I INTEND
NEVER TO BOLDLY GO.
- YOU'LL BE BACK.
THEY ALL COME BACK.
- NAME TWO.
- I COULD.
FOOD-LADEN STUDENT AT 3:00.
BOY, YOU WEREN'T KIDDING
ABOUT STILL BEING BLURRY.
YOU'RE WALKING INTO MORE PEOPLE
THAN YOU'RE WALKING BY.
- I'M SURE MY VISION
WILL CLEAR UP SOON.
- WELL, IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT,
YOU CAN ALWAYS GO OUT
FOR FOOTBALL.
- FUNNY.
- HEY, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE
TO SIGN UP.
- HEY, DARIA, JANE.
NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?
- HE'S WEARING GLASSES, RIGHT?
- WHY, YES,
HE'S WEARING GLASSES,
ALTHOUGH, IRONICALLY,
HE DOESN'T NEED THEM.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WELL, I GOT TO THINKING
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT GLASSES MAKING YOU SMART,
DARIA,
AND, HEY,
YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS,
BUT I COULD STAND TO BE
A LITTLE SMARTER,
SO I GOT SOME.
- YOU?
A LITTLE SMARTER?
NOT POSSIBLE.
- NAH, NAH, NO.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO,
BUT BELIEVE ME, IT IS.
BUT YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO BE
A BRAIN OR ANYTHING.
I MEAN, I LIKE HAVING FRIENDS,
SO I GOT A PAIR
WITHOUT ANY LENSES.
SEE?
SO NOW I'LL BE SMART
BUT NOT TOO SMART.
- UM, I'M NOT SURE IF IT'LL WORK
WITHOUT ANY LENSES.
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY ONE LENS
AND SEE HOW THAT GOES?
- GREAT IDEA.
THANKS.
- OH, MR. EINSTEIN.
- BRIT REALLY LOVES 'EM.
GOTTA GO.
- I CAN SEE THAT, FUNNY GAL.
- HOW MANY FINGERS?
- I'VE GOT ONE FOR YOU.
- YOU'RE NOT WEARING
YOUR CONTACTS AT ALL.
- NOT IF YOU WANT TO GET
TECHNICAL ABOUT IT.
- OKAY, I GET THAT THEY WERE
IRRITATING YOU,
SO YOU THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE 'EM
A REST.
- YEAH.
- BUT WHY NO GLASSES?
- UM, SHEER VANITY?
- YES, YES, VERY WITTY.
NOW REALLY?
DARIA!
- YOU HATE ME.
- THIS IS GREAT.
YOU WANT TO BORROW MY LIPSTICK?
- UGH.
- HEY, COME ON, DARIA, WAIT.
- OW!
- SORRY.
- DARIA?
DARIA.
TALKING TOILET?
DARIA'S BOOTS, CAN YOU TELL ME
WHERE DARIA IS?
COME ON, DARIA.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- I'M A HYPOCRITE AND A PHONY.
THAT'S WHAT'S THE MATTER.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.
UNCOMPROMISING AND UNCONCEITED.
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
- FOR GOD'S SAKE, DARIA,
WHO TOLD YOU
YOU HAD TO BE A MARTYR
TO PRINCIPLE?
YOU'RE A TEENAGE GIRL,
NOT NELSON MANDELA.
- HE WEARS GLASSES.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- OH, IT'S DARIA.
SHE COULDN'T GET
HER CONTACTS IN TODAY,
AND SHE DIDN'T WANT
TO WEAR HER GLASSES,
SO SHE'S STUMBLING AROUND
AND BUMPING INTO STUFF.
- ARE YOU OKAY, DARIA?
- NO.
- WHAT'D SHE HURT?
- HER PRIDE.
- THANKS FOR RESPECTING
MY CONFIDENCE.
- HEY, JODIE KNOWS
WHAT IT'S LIKE.
- WHAT WHAT'S LIKE?
- TO HAVE STANDARDS TOO HIGH
TO LIVE UP TO.
- DON'T TELL ME
SHE'S MAD AT HERSELF
FOR CARING HOW SHE LOOKS.
- SEE?
- NO, ACTUALLY, I CAN'T SEE.
- DARIA, WHAT'S WRONG WITH
ADMITTING TO A LITTLE VANITY?
YOU'RE NOT MOTHER TERESA,
YOU KNOW.
- SHE WORE GLASSES.
- NO, SHE GAVE 'EM TO AN ORPHAN.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- NOTHING.
- EVERYTHING'S FINE.
- SO WHY ARE YOU TALKING
TO THE STALL?
OH.
HI, DARIA.
- HI, BRITTANY.
- IS SHE LOCKED IN OR SOMETHING?
- SHE'S FEELING A LITTLE
ALIENATED TODAY.
- ALIENATED?
WHY, DARIA?
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE E.T.
OR SOMEBODY.
- DID HE WEAR GLASSES?
- BY THE WAY, DARIA,
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I THINK
IT'S REALLY BRAVE OF YOU
TO GET THOSE CONTACT LENSES
AND ADMIT THAT YOU CARE
ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK,
EVEN JUST A LITTLE,
BECAUSE KNOWING THAT A BRAIN
CAN BE WORRIED ABOUT HER LOOKS
MAKES ME FEEL, UM, I DON'T KNOW,
NOT SO SHALLOW OR SOMETHING,
LIKE WE'RE NOT THAT DIFFERENT.
JUST HUMAN OR WHATEVER.
- WELL, THANK YOU, BRITTANY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE ARE JUST HUMAN OR WHATEVER.
OOF.
- THAT WAS REALLY NICE,
BRITTANY.
- IT WAS?
- I GOT TO ADMIT,
THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
- WOW!
THESE THINGS REALLY DO WORK.
- SO NOW WHAT, EAGLE EYE?
- WELL, I CAN'T WEAR MY CONTACTS
UNTIL I SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
AND IF I BANG INTO ANYONE ELSE
AT SCHOOL,
I'LL BE ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT,
SO I GUESS IT'S BACK
TO THE GLASSES TOMORROW.
- OR WE GO DOWNTOWN AND APPLY
FOR A SEEING EYE DOG.
- I TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
THIS WHOLE THING'S GOT ME
VERY CONFUSED.
I WANT MY GLASSES BACK.
- ARE YOU STILL HUNG UP
ON THAT VANITY THING?
- THAT'S NOT IT.
EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS I'M VAIN.
- OH, YEAH,
YOU'RE ONE HUGE NARCISSIST.
SO IF NOT THAT, THEN WHAT?
- THIS IS KIND OF HARD
TO EXPLAIN.
IT'S, LIKE, I KNOW MY GLASSES
SET ME APART.
WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR
WITHOUT THEM,
I CAN'T SEE A THING,
BUT WHEN I PUT THEM ON
AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AGAIN,
I THINK...
- YEAH?
- I THINK TO MYSELF,
"NEVER MIND THE GLASSES.
"YOU CAN SEE THINGS
THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T.
"YOU CAN SEE BETTER
THAN OTHER PEOPLE,
"SO TO HELL WITH THEM
AND WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU
AND YOUR GLASSES."
- YOU'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT EYESIGHT ANYMORE, ARE YOU?
- NO.
- AND YOU LIKE THAT DARIA BETTER
THAN THE DARIA
WHO CARES ABOUT HER LOOKS.
- UM, YEAH.
- I DON'T BLAME YOU.
WHY SETTLE FOR VANITY
WHEN YOU CAN HAVE PURE EGOTISM?
YOU'RE A TWISTED LITTLE CRULLER,
AIN'T YOU?
- YEAH.
- THAT'S WHY I'M PROUD
TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
SO NO MORE CONTACTS.
YOUR MOTHER'S GONNA BE
DISAPPOINTED.
- WELL, I HAVE ALL AFTERNOON
TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO BREAK IT TO HER.
- HI, GIRLS.
- HI, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
- HI.
- DARIA, MY DEPOSITION
WAS POSTPONED TILL TOMORROW,
SO I THOUGHT, "WHY NOT TRY OUT
THOSE NEW CONTACTS
WITH AN UNSCHEDULED
DRIVING LESSON?"
- MOM, I HAVE SOMETHING
TO TELL YOU.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
- ALL RIGHT, DARIA,
DON'T START YOUR TURN
TILL YOUR FRONT WHEELS
ARE PAST THE CORNER.
THAT'S IT.
NOW ACCELERATE
AS YOU START TO STRAIGHTEN.
GOOD.
WATCH OUT FOR THE DOG.
WATCH OUT, DARIA!
- OH, MY GOD.
DID I KILL HIM?
I NEVER EVEN SAW HIM.
I'M A DOG KILLER.
- LOOK, HONEY.
- GOD, THAT WAS CLOSE.
- NO HARM DONE.
- I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF
IF I HIT A DOG.
WOULD YOU MIND TELLING QUINN
I KILLED HIM?
- OH!
DIDN'T YOU SEE HIM?
HE CAME RUNNING RIGHT UP
ON YOUR SIDE OF THE CAR.
- I DON'T SEE WAY OFF
TO THE SIDE TOO WELL.
MY GLASSES SORT OF BLOCK
THE VIEW.
- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
ISN'T THAT A PROBLEM?
- IT IS FOR DOGS.
- WHEN HE TURNED UP HIS NOSE
AT ACCORDION LESSONS,
THEY CUT OFF HIS INHERITANCE
MOLTO ALLEGRO.
THE SEVERED PIANIST,
NEXT ON SICK, SAD WORLD.
- ENTER.
- DARIA?
- CORRECT.
- YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING
ABOUT YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION.
- THAT'S REALLY STRANGE.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT
YOUR HIGH-FREQUENCY HEARING.
- HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT
TRYING CONTACT LENSES?
- POORLY.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH WEARING GLASSES.
- BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT DOG TODAY?
- EXACTLY.
IF HE'D HAD HIS GLASSES ON,
HE WOULD HAVE SEEN THE DAMN CAR
AND WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION.
- DARIA, I JUST THINK
THAT YOUR FIELD OF VISION
COULD REALLY BE ENHANCED...
- COME ON, MOM.
IT'S NOT MY FIELD OF VISION
YOU WANT TO ENHANCE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WE'VE HAD
THIS CONVERSATION BEFORE.
YOU THINK IF I GET CONTACTS,
I'LL SUDDENLY TURN
INTO THE HOMECOMING QUEEN.
- DARIA, GIVE ME SOME CREDIT.
YOU CAN STILL WEAR YOUR GLASSES.
NOBODY'S GONNA TAKE THEM
AWAY FROM YOU.
- BUT?
- BUT CONTACTS ARE BETTER
FOR SOME THINGS,
LIKE DRIVING OR SPORTS.
- YOU MEAN I'LL FINALLY MAKE
THE WRESTLING TEAM?
- DARIA, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE
SOME ETHICAL ISSUE
WITH WEARING CONTACTS.
- HOW ABOUT THINKING PEOPLE
SHOULD ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM
WITHOUT MY HAVING TO CHANGE?
- RIGHT.
THEY SHOULD ACCEPT YOU
FOR WHO YOU ARE:
A COMPLEX AND INTERESTING
YOUNG LADY WORTH KNOWING,
INSTEAD OF SEEING YOUR GLASSES
AND JUMPING
TO SOME MORONIC CONCLUSION
BASED ON RIDICULOUS STEREOTYPES
AND THEIR OWN IGNORANCE.
- MMM.
GOOD ONE.
♪ ♪
I ALMOST KILLED A DOG YESTERDAY.
- GONNA WORK YOUR WAY UP
TO HUMANS SLOWLY?
- DURING MY DRIVING LESSON.
NOW MY MOTHER'S BUGGING ME
ABOUT CONTACTS AGAIN.
- BOY, SHE JUST DOESN'T GET IT,
DOES SHE?
- NOPE; SHE REALLY DOESN'T.
GET WHAT?
- YOU.
THE WHOLE DARIA MORGENDORFFER
PERSONA.
YOU DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK
ABOUT YOUR LOOKS.
- OF COURSE NOT.
- THE GLASSES ARE YOU.
THEY'RE SYMBOLIC
OF THE WHOLE DARIA THING.
"I WEAR GLASSES, AND I'M NOT
GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR IT."
MM.
- YEAH, EXACTLY.
OF COURSE,
YOU DON'T WEAR GLASSES,
SO FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW,
IT'S ALL THEORETICAL.
- WHAT?
- PASS THE COOKIE DOUGH.
- CARAMEL, PLUM, OF COURSE.
BLACK IS ALWAYS GOOD.
COME IN.
DARIA?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- NOTHING.
JUST PASSING BY.
SAW YOUR LIGHT ON.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- UH, QUINN, COULD I ASK...
- YES?
A QUESTION?
A FAVOR?
- COULD I ASK YOUR OPINION
ON SOMETHING?
- WHAT, IS THIS A TRICK?
WHAT'S THE CATCH?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK
YOUR FRIEND JANE?
- JANE CAN'T HELP ME.
I NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE
MORE ATTUNED
TO MATTERS OF APPEARANCE.
- YOU'RE ASKING MY ADVICE,
AREN'T YOU?
- QUINN, PLEASE.
THIS IS HARD ENOUGH.
- I ALWAYS KNEW
THIS DAY WOULD COME
AND WONDERED HOW IT WOULD BE,
YET NOW THAT IT HAS,
I FEEL STRANGELY SERENE.
SIT DOWN, DARIA.
I CAN HELP YOU.
- WHO SAID I NEED HELP?
- DARIA, IF WE'RE TO MAKE
ANY PROGRESS AT ALL,
YOU MUST BE ABSOLUTELY HONEST
WITH ME.
NOW, WHEN DID YOU FIRST BEGIN
TO SUSPECT
THAT YOUR OUTFIT SUCKED?
- IT'S NOT MY OUTFIT.
- OKAAAAY, WHEN DID YOUR FRIEND
FIRST BEGIN TO SUSPECT
THAT YOUR OUTFIT SUCKED?
- SUPPOSE YOU WERE WELL-KNOWN
FOR NOT CARING
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU
AND THEN SUDDENLY
YOU DID SOMETHING THAT SHOWED
MAYBE YOU DO CARE A LITTLE ABOUT
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.
WOULD THAT INVALIDATE EVERYTHING
YOU'D DONE AND SAID UP TO THEN
AND MAKE YOU A HYPOCRITE?
- DARIA, YOU'RE GIVING ME
A HEADACHE!
- WHAT WOULD YOU THINK
IF I GOT CONTACTS?
- CONTACTS?
GREAT!
BUT WHAT COLOR ARE YOU THINKING?
BECAUSE CLEAR ONES DON'T CALL
ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES SO MUCH,
WHICH MAYBE YOU WANT,
BUT THEN WHO COULD RESIST
BEING ABLE TO CHANGE
THEIR EYE COLOR AT WILL?
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- BLUE GOES
WITH JUST ABOUT ANY OUTFIT,
BUT GREEN ADDS THAT TOUCH
OF EXOTICA
THAT MANY YOUNG WOMEN CRAVE.
- HANG ON.
ALL I ASKED WAS...
- THEN, OF COURSE,
YOU'LL WANT TO CHANGE YOUR HAIR
TO FRAME YOUR NEW FACE,
A DECISION UNTO ITSELF.
AND OBVIOUSLY, A NEW WARDROBE.
- UGH.
- DARIA, WAIT!
I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED.
WE'LL START SLOW,
WITH SOME SCRUNCHIES!
- OH, THAT SISTER OF MINE.
SHE'S AS TWISTED AS A CORKSCREW.
- MM.
- DAMN SIBLINGS.
- HONESTLY,
I THINK THE ONLY REASON
SHE EVER GETS IN TOUCH AT ALL
IS SO THAT SHE CAN GET
UNDER MY SKIN.
- MM.
- DAMN SUBDERMAL IRRITANTS.
- I MEAN, LISTEN TO THIS NOTE
SHE SENT WHEN SHE WAS IN HAWAII.
"DEAR SIS, YOU'D LOVE
ISLAND LIFE:
"BEAUTIFUL SUN,
WONDERFUL PEOPLE,
"UMBRELLA DRINKS AT THE KANILEA.
"ONLY THING IS,
YOU'D HAVE TO A TAKE A VACATION.
"OH, WELL,
SORRY I BROUGHT IT UP.
MY LOVE TO ALL, AMY."
GOD, ISN'T THAT ANNOYING?
- MM.
- DAMN SUBTLE BARBS.
- LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF HER
SMILING BY THE POOL,
LIKE SHE CAN EVEN SEE THE CAMERA
WITHOUT HER GLASSES.
- AUNT AMY?
- MM.
- HELLO?
- AUNT AMY?
- HEY, MY FAVORITE NIECE.
- OH.
- WHO IS THIS?
- UM, IT'S...
- I'M JOKING, DARIA.
HOW ARE YOU?
YOUR MOTHER HASN'T HAD A STROKE,
HAS SHE?
- WELL, I HAVEN'T CHECKED HER
IN THE LAST HALF-HOUR.
HOW WAS HAWAII?
- WISH I WERE STILL THERE.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
- UM, I WANTED TO ASK
YOUR ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING.
I'M THINKING ABOUT GETTING
CONTACT LENSES.
- UH-HUH.
SOUNDS GOOD.
- IT DOES?
- WHY NOT?
- WELL, ISN'T IT KIND OF VAIN?
DO YOU HAVE MIRRORS
IN YOUR HOUSE, DARIA?
- YEAH.
- DO YOU LOOK IN THEM
BEFORE YOU GO OUT?
- YEAH.
- WELL, THEN, YOU'RE ALREADY
GOING TO HELL,
SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL
GET THE LENSES.
YOU'LL SEE THE BRIMSTONE BETTER.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- I MEAN, HAVING CONTACTS
IS NO MORE VAIN
THAN PRIMPING IN THE MIRROR.
IT JUST GIVES YOU DIFFERENT
OPTIONS ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK.
IT WOULDN'T CHANGE
YOUR PERSONALITY,
IT WOULDN'T CHANGE YOUR VALUES,
AND IT WOULD SET YOUR PARENTS
BACK A COUPLE HUNDRED BUCKS,
SO I DON'T SEE
ANY DOWNSIDE AT ALL.
- THANKS, AUNT AMY.
- I'D LOVE TO SEE
HOW IT TURNS OUT.
SEND ME A PICTURE, OKAY?
- YOU WANT A PICTURE OF ME
WITH MY CONTACTS?
- EITHER THAT OR A SHOT
OF RALPH FIENNES,
WHICHEVER.
- DARIA?
- MM?
- I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I WAS THINKING
ABOUT OUR CONVERSATION
THE OTHER DAY,
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BELIEVE FOR A SECOND
THAT I THINK YOU NEED CONTACT
LENSES.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT
NO MATTER WHAT,
AND I UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT
YOUR OBJECTION TO CONTACTS,
AND THERE'LL BE
NO MORE DISCUSSIONS ABOUT IT.
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
YOU TALKED ME INTO IT.
- I DID?
- MOM, THAT REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY
OF YOURS IS KILLER.
- ♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
♪ EXCUSE ME ♪
- SO LET'S SEE.
THERE'S REALLY NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT
OTHER THAN A SLIGHT RISK
OF EPITHELIAL EDEMA,
POSSIBLE CONCERN
OVER BULBAR HYPEREMIA,
THE OUTSIDE CHANCE
OF KERATOCONUS
AND POLYMEGATHISM,
AND THE USUAL TIRESOME WORRIES
ABOUT GIANT PAPILLARY
CONJUNCTIVITIS.
- UM, IS THERE ANY CHANCE
MY EYES WON'T FALL OUT?
- THERE'S NO REASON TO EXPECT
ANY COMPLICATIONS WHATSOEVER
IF YOU WEAR YOUR LENSES
ACCORDING TO INSTRUCTIONS
AND TAKE CARE OF THEM PROPERLY.
- SO IF ANYTHING DOES GO WRONG,
IT'S MY FAULT.
- THAT'LL BE OUR POSITION.
NOW, SHOW ME ONCE AGAIN
HOW YOU PUT THE LENS IN.
THAT'S IT.
RIGHT UP AGAINST THE EYEBALL.
- AHHHHH!
READY?
- MM.
- OKAY THEN.
TIME TO GO.
- MM.
- YOU'RE NOT REALLY MUCH
OF A MORNING PERSON, ARE YOU?
- WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES?
- I'M NOT WEARING THEM.
- HUH?
- I GOT CONTACTS.
- HMM.
- I HOPE THIS ISN'T GONNA CHANGE
YOUR OPINION OF ME.
I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
I'VE CHANGED OR COMPROMISED
OR BECOME A SHALLOW PERSON WHO
ONLY CARES ABOUT THEIR LOOKS,
'CAUSE IT WOULD REALLY BOTHER ME
IF YOU THOUGHT THAT.
- NO, I DON'T THINK ANYTHING
LIKE THAT.
- GOOD.
- WHERE ARE YOUR GLASSES?
- OKAY, SO NOW THAT YOU'RE MORE
OR LESS AWAKE,
ARE YOU READY TO TELL ME
I'VE SOLD OUT?
- YOU LOOK PRETTY COOL.
- OH, YEAH?
THEN WHAT DID I LOOK LIKE
BEFORE?
- HEY, GLASSES, NO GLASSES...
EITHER WAY WORKS FOR ME.
- AND YOU CALL YOURSELF
A FRIEND.
- NOW, WHEN HE SHED
HIS REGAL VESTMENTS
AND BEGAN DRESSING
AS IF HE HAD NO MONEY,
A VERY FUNNY THING HAPPENED
TO THE PRINCE.
WHAT WAS THAT?
KEVIN?
- HE BECAME THE POOR GUY
FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE PRINCE?
- KEVIN, I MUST SAY,
I'M MYSTIFIED
BY YOUR CONTINUING INABILITY
TO ABSORB ANYTHING
FROM THIS CLASS.
- UM, IS THAT BAD?
- I'M SORRY TO SPEAK
SO HARSHLY, KEVIN,
BUT I WOULDN'T DO SO
IF I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD
THE INNER STRENGTH
TO HEAR AND TO HEED.
- THANKS!
- BRITTANY, HOW DOES THE PRINCE
CHANGE IN THIS STORY?
- HE, UM, HE DOESN'T TURN
INTO A FROG, DOES HE?
DA... HUH.
I WISH DARIA WERE HERE.
- I'M HERE.
- DARIA?
IS THAT YOU?
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR GLASSES?
- UM, I'M WEARING
CONTACT LENSES.
- GOOD FOR YOU, DARIA.
WHAT A POSITIVE GESTURE.
YOU'RE TAKING COMMAND
OF YOUR APPEARANCE
AND EMPOWERING YOURSELF
TO CARVE YOUR OWN IDENTITY.
- ACTUALLY, I'M NOT SURE
THAT I WANT AN IDENTITY
BASED ON APPEARANCE.
- OF COURSE NOT.
THE INNER YOU,
THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
I JUST MEANT
THAT A REVISED OUTER YOU
IS AN EVEN MORE CONFIDENT
MANIFESTATION
OF THE UNCHANGED INNER YOU,
THE REAL YOU:
THE YOU-NESS INSIDE.
- I GOT THEM FOR DRIVING.
- EXCELLENT.
SO WHY ARE YOU WEARING THEM NOW?
- CLASS, I HAVE SOME
EXTREMELY DISTURBING NEWS.
SOMEONE HAS APPARENTLY PILFERED
THE SCHOOL'S FINGERPRINTING KIT.
MS. MORGENDORFFER?
- IT WASN'T ME.
I MUCH PREFER
FIBER SPECTROANALYSIS.
- DID YOU GET CONTACT LENSES?
- UM, YES.
- WELL DONE.
- EXCUSE ME?
- YOU'RE INVITING
YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS
TO GET TO KNOW YOU
A LITTLE BETTER.
YOU'RE DROPPING
THAT STANDOFFISH PERSONA.
KUDOS!
- I GOT THEM FOR DRIVING.
- AH.
SO WHY ARE YOU WEARING THEM NOW?
- I'M REALLY PSYCHED, BABE.
ALL THAT BENCH-PRESSING
IS PAYING OFF.
- HUH?
- TONE, BABE.
YOU HEARD WHAT MR. O. SAID
ABOUT SEEING MY INNER STRENGTH.
- UM, BABE, HE WAS TRYING TO SAY
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY SMARTER.
- OH.
WELL, AM I SUPPOSED TO?
- YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT SCHOOL'S FOR...
FROM A TEACHER'S POINT OF VIEW.
- OH.
- DO YOU THINK CONTACTS REVEAL
THE YOU-NESS INSIDE?
- I DON'T KNOW.
WHO'S EUNICE, AND WHY DOESN'T
SHE GET HER OWN BODY?
- WHOEVER SHE IS,
SHE MUST BE VERY SAD.
I CAN'T STOP TEARING UP.
- DARIA, I LIKE YOUR NEW LOOK.
- UM, THANKS.
- YEAH, YOU'RE, LIKE,
PRACTICALLY NORMAL.
- KEVIN, HOW COME YOU ALWAYS
KNOW JUST WHAT TO SAY?
- IT'S A GIFT.
BUT WHY DID YOU GET
CONTACT LENSES?
- I WANTED TO FIT IN BETTER.
- COOL.
- I WAS AFRAID MY GLASSES
WERE MAKING ME TOO SMART.
- REALLY?
- YO.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- THESE CONTACTS ARE ITCHING
THE HELL OUT OF ME.
I GOT TO TAKE 'EM OUT,
BUT I DON'T HAVE
MY GLASSES HERE.
- WELL, THERE'S ONLY
TWO PERIODS LEFT.
CAN YOU HOLD OUT?
- GUESS I HAVE TO.
- BIG CRACK IN THE SIDEWALK
COMING UP.
WANT TO WATCH THAT.
LOOK OUT FOR THAT BRANCH.
THERE'S SOME KIDS COMING.
NEVER MIND.
THEY TURNED THE CORNER.
- WHO'S THAT?
- IT'S TRENT.
- HEY, DARIA, LOOKS GOOD.
- NOW, WATCH OUT FOR THE GIRL
WITH THE RED FACE
WHO'S FORGOTTEN HOW TO WALK.
OH, NEVER MIND, THAT'S YOU.
♪ ♪
OW.
UGH.
NO CONTACTS TODAY.
NO GLASSES EITHER.
- HEY, THE CONTACTS ARE BACK,
HUH?
YOUR EYES MUST BE
FEELING BETTER.
- UM, YEAH, BETTER.
BUT, UM, I'M STILL
A LITTLE BLURRY.
- ♪ LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA-LA ♪
- HEY!
- SORRY.
- OW!
- OH, UH, SORRY, UPCHUCK.
- SWEET DARIA, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO RESORT TO A RUSE
TO GET INTO MY PERSONAL SPACE.
ALL YOU NEED DO IS ASK.
- YOUR PERSONAL SPACE
IS THE FINAL FRONTIER, UPCHUCK,
ONE WHERE I INTEND
NEVER TO BOLDLY GO.
- YOU'LL BE BACK.
THEY ALL COME BACK.
- NAME TWO.
- I COULD.
FOOD-LADEN STUDENT AT 3:00.
BOY, YOU WEREN'T KIDDING
ABOUT STILL BEING BLURRY.
YOU'RE WALKING INTO MORE PEOPLE
THAN YOU'RE WALKING BY.
- I'M SURE MY VISION
WILL CLEAR UP SOON.
- WELL, IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT,
YOU CAN ALWAYS GO OUT
FOR FOOTBALL.
- FUNNY.
- HEY, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE
TO SIGN UP.
- HEY, DARIA, JANE.
NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?
- HE'S WEARING GLASSES, RIGHT?
- WHY, YES,
HE'S WEARING GLASSES,
ALTHOUGH, IRONICALLY,
HE DOESN'T NEED THEM.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- WELL, I GOT TO THINKING
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT GLASSES MAKING YOU SMART,
DARIA,
AND, HEY,
YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS,
BUT I COULD STAND TO BE
A LITTLE SMARTER,
SO I GOT SOME.
- YOU?
A LITTLE SMARTER?
NOT POSSIBLE.
- NAH, NAH, NO.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO,
BUT BELIEVE ME, IT IS.
BUT YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT TO BE
A BRAIN OR ANYTHING.
I MEAN, I LIKE HAVING FRIENDS,
SO I GOT A PAIR
WITHOUT ANY LENSES.
SEE?
SO NOW I'LL BE SMART
BUT NOT TOO SMART.
- UM, I'M NOT SURE IF IT'LL WORK
WITHOUT ANY LENSES.
- REALLY?
- YEAH.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY ONE LENS
AND SEE HOW THAT GOES?
- GREAT IDEA.
THANKS.
- OH, MR. EINSTEIN.
- BRIT REALLY LOVES 'EM.
GOTTA GO.
- I CAN SEE THAT, FUNNY GAL.
- HOW MANY FINGERS?
- I'VE GOT ONE FOR YOU.
- YOU'RE NOT WEARING
YOUR CONTACTS AT ALL.
- NOT IF YOU WANT TO GET
TECHNICAL ABOUT IT.
- OKAY, I GET THAT THEY WERE
IRRITATING YOU,
SO YOU THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE 'EM
A REST.
- YEAH.
- BUT WHY NO GLASSES?
- UM, SHEER VANITY?
- YES, YES, VERY WITTY.
NOW REALLY?
DARIA!
- YOU HATE ME.
- THIS IS GREAT.
YOU WANT TO BORROW MY LIPSTICK?
- UGH.
- HEY, COME ON, DARIA, WAIT.
- OW!
- SORRY.
- DARIA?
DARIA.
TALKING TOILET?
DARIA'S BOOTS, CAN YOU TELL ME
WHERE DARIA IS?
COME ON, DARIA.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- I'M A HYPOCRITE AND A PHONY.
THAT'S WHAT'S THE MATTER.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.
UNCOMPROMISING AND UNCONCEITED.
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
- FOR GOD'S SAKE, DARIA,
WHO TOLD YOU
YOU HAD TO BE A MARTYR
TO PRINCIPLE?
YOU'RE A TEENAGE GIRL,
NOT NELSON MANDELA.
- HE WEARS GLASSES.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- OH, IT'S DARIA.
SHE COULDN'T GET
HER CONTACTS IN TODAY,
AND SHE DIDN'T WANT
TO WEAR HER GLASSES,
SO SHE'S STUMBLING AROUND
AND BUMPING INTO STUFF.
- ARE YOU OKAY, DARIA?
- NO.
- WHAT'D SHE HURT?
- HER PRIDE.
- THANKS FOR RESPECTING
MY CONFIDENCE.
- HEY, JODIE KNOWS
WHAT IT'S LIKE.
- WHAT WHAT'S LIKE?
- TO HAVE STANDARDS TOO HIGH
TO LIVE UP TO.
- DON'T TELL ME
SHE'S MAD AT HERSELF
FOR CARING HOW SHE LOOKS.
- SEE?
- NO, ACTUALLY, I CAN'T SEE.
- DARIA, WHAT'S WRONG WITH
ADMITTING TO A LITTLE VANITY?
YOU'RE NOT MOTHER TERESA,
YOU KNOW.
- SHE WORE GLASSES.
- NO, SHE GAVE 'EM TO AN ORPHAN.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- NOTHING.
- EVERYTHING'S FINE.
- SO WHY ARE YOU TALKING
TO THE STALL?
OH.
HI, DARIA.
- HI, BRITTANY.
- IS SHE LOCKED IN OR SOMETHING?
- SHE'S FEELING A LITTLE
ALIENATED TODAY.
- ALIENATED?
WHY, DARIA?
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE E.T.
OR SOMEBODY.
- DID HE WEAR GLASSES?
- BY THE WAY, DARIA,
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I THINK
IT'S REALLY BRAVE OF YOU
TO GET THOSE CONTACT LENSES
AND ADMIT THAT YOU CARE
ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK,
EVEN JUST A LITTLE,
BECAUSE KNOWING THAT A BRAIN
CAN BE WORRIED ABOUT HER LOOKS
MAKES ME FEEL, UM, I DON'T KNOW,
NOT SO SHALLOW OR SOMETHING,
LIKE WE'RE NOT THAT DIFFERENT.
JUST HUMAN OR WHATEVER.
- WELL, THANK YOU, BRITTANY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE ARE JUST HUMAN OR WHATEVER.
OOF.
- THAT WAS REALLY NICE,
BRITTANY.
- IT WAS?
- I GOT TO ADMIT,
THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
- WOW!
THESE THINGS REALLY DO WORK.
- SO NOW WHAT, EAGLE EYE?
- WELL, I CAN'T WEAR MY CONTACTS
UNTIL I SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
AND IF I BANG INTO ANYONE ELSE
AT SCHOOL,
I'LL BE ARRESTED FOR ASSAULT,
SO I GUESS IT'S BACK
TO THE GLASSES TOMORROW.
- OR WE GO DOWNTOWN AND APPLY
FOR A SEEING EYE DOG.
- I TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
THIS WHOLE THING'S GOT ME
VERY CONFUSED.
I WANT MY GLASSES BACK.
- ARE YOU STILL HUNG UP
ON THAT VANITY THING?
- THAT'S NOT IT.
EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS I'M VAIN.
- OH, YEAH,
YOU'RE ONE HUGE NARCISSIST.
SO IF NOT THAT, THEN WHAT?
- THIS IS KIND OF HARD
TO EXPLAIN.
IT'S, LIKE, I KNOW MY GLASSES
SET ME APART.
WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR
WITHOUT THEM,
I CAN'T SEE A THING,
BUT WHEN I PUT THEM ON
AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR AGAIN,
I THINK...
- YEAH?
- I THINK TO MYSELF,
"NEVER MIND THE GLASSES.
"YOU CAN SEE THINGS
THAT OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T.
"YOU CAN SEE BETTER
THAN OTHER PEOPLE,
"SO TO HELL WITH THEM
AND WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU
AND YOUR GLASSES."
- YOU'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT EYESIGHT ANYMORE, ARE YOU?
- NO.
- AND YOU LIKE THAT DARIA BETTER
THAN THE DARIA
WHO CARES ABOUT HER LOOKS.
- UM, YEAH.
- I DON'T BLAME YOU.
WHY SETTLE FOR VANITY
WHEN YOU CAN HAVE PURE EGOTISM?
YOU'RE A TWISTED LITTLE CRULLER,
AIN'T YOU?
- YEAH.
- THAT'S WHY I'M PROUD
TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
SO NO MORE CONTACTS.
YOUR MOTHER'S GONNA BE
DISAPPOINTED.
- WELL, I HAVE ALL AFTERNOON
TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO BREAK IT TO HER.
- HI, GIRLS.
- HI, MRS. MORGENDORFFER.
- HI.
- DARIA, MY DEPOSITION
WAS POSTPONED TILL TOMORROW,
SO I THOUGHT, "WHY NOT TRY OUT
THOSE NEW CONTACTS
WITH AN UNSCHEDULED
DRIVING LESSON?"
- MOM, I HAVE SOMETHING
TO TELL YOU.
- ♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪
♪ LA-LA, LA, LA-LA ♪