Daria (1997–2001): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Invitation - full transcript

Stop following me, Daria. You're following me.

We go to the same school.

Hey, Quinn, can I carry your books?

Hey, Quinn, can I carry your... pencil?

Hey, Quinn, can I carry your, uh, um... got anything else?

A hair scrunchie?

Great!

Careful. Don't hurt yourself with that scrunchie.

Is that your sister?

Don't pry, Joey.

I'm Jamie.

Whatever.

Perspective is hard.

Good work, Daria. Your cube is bursting out of the picture plane.

You've really created the illusion of depth.

I'm thinking of going into politics.

Ms. Defoe? I need a new pencil. I used up the eraser.

Here, Brittany, take another pencil and a fresh piece of paper,

and try again.

If I don't figure this perspective thing out, I'll have to take remedial art.

I heard they make all the lefties become righties.

But... you are a righty.

Daria, you're smart. Show me how to do this.

Well... okay. You know when things seem very far away?

Like the weekend?

Distant things, like mountains and buildings.

But, Daria... we're in a building.

Yes, but...

Make believe you're at the mall.

You're standing in front of J.J. Jeeters.

Oh, like I would shop there.

You don't have to go in.

You're looking at Cashman's Department Store...

Now you're talking.

...way down at the other end.

Everything seems to be pointing to the entrance and saying,

"Come shop, come shop." "One-day sale."

I get it! That's really realistic, Daria.

That's one-point perspective.

All the lines are pointing to one spot on the horizon.

I get it! Except...

Yes?

Is Cashman's really having a one-day sale?

Yo, Mack Daddy. You coming to Brittany's party?

Don't call me that, okay? What's this party for, anyway?

Um...

Stop if it starts to hurt.

Really. Um, her birthday was last month...

I helped her exchange all her presents.

Even yours?

Yeah. Then she had a saleslady explain the difference between perfume and cologne.

Interesting stuff, bro. Now I remember!

The party's to celebrate her parents being out of town.

Hey, Joey, Jeffy, Jeremy.

I'm Jamie.

Whatever. You going to Brittany's party?

Uh, if we're invited.

You're on the team, dudes. When a cheerleader has a party,

all the football players are automatically invited.

It's on page six of the play book.

Really? Hey, Quinn, what about you?

Can I?

Sure!

Sure.

Who? Me?

Which one?

Him or me?

Everyone! You can't expect me to choose a boyfriend right away.

That would be like eating the first pancake off the stove.

You have to feed one to the dog.

Ugh! I hate it when the trays are wet.

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

Is that from a song? Hey, thanks for helping me out in art.

No problem.

Maybe I could help you out in something.

Well, you could show me how to twirl hair around my little finger and look vacant.

I don't know if that's something you can teach.

Ugh! I hate it when the pudding has skin.

I know what you mean... and that scares me.

Hey, even though I'm much more popular, we have some things in common.

Breathing?

I mean, you're not popular,

but you're not so unpopular that you couldn't come to my party Saturday night.

Is that an invitation?

Yes! Just this once, though.

Gee, Brittany. I'm overcome with emotion.

You need a napkin? Anyway, I promised the other cheerleaders

that I wouldn't invite any more really attractive girls.

Now I'm especially flattered.

Don't mention it.

These are really good. I didn't know you studied life drawing.

Yeah, last summer.

You're really bursting out of the picture plane here.

Oh, yeah. That particular model was quite bursty.

I think she had her bursts done.

Speaking of which... Brittany invited me to her party.

No kidding? Are you going?

Sure. And after that, I think I'll swallow glass.

Why? Do you want to go?

Oh, no, I'd much rather stay home and listen to my brother practice the opening to "Come as You Are."

I bet I could get some great sketches there...

Well, I'm sure there'll be plenty of people posing.

If you want to go, just make believe you're me.

When you're popular, all unpopular people look alike anyway.

"Hi, I'm Daria. Go to hell."

It won't work.

My face is too expressive.

Sheer, semi-sheer, or opaque? Textured!

Isn't one of you enough?

Go away, I'm concentrating.

I'm invited to a party Saturday night

and I have to choose the perfect outfit.

Countdown: only 72 more hours to go.

Might this party be at Brittany's house?

Yes, and might you go away now? Hey...

how do you know about it?

I'm invited, too... but I haven't decided if I'll go.

You can't go! You'll ruin everything!

You know, I really should broaden my social horizons.

Mom! Dad! Daria is ruining my life again!

Tell Daria she can't go to Brittany's party.

My popularity is at stake.

Now, don't begrudge your sister a chance to expand her circle of friends.

Maybe now she'll have two.

Touché, Quinn.

And don't think you're confusing me with that French.

You should ground her because... her room is a mess!

If I go down for that one, I'm taking you with me.

Wait, here's something worse.

I asked her to do my homework for me, and she made me pay.

Never mind.

I think it's great that you two are going to be spending time together.

Dad and I would be happy to drive you to the party and pick you up.

No!

Thanks, but I'll find some other way to get there.

Daria, I'd like it if you'd keep an eye on Quinn at this party.

I don't know what I did, but it couldn't have been that bad.

I mean it. And she doesn't have to know about it.

Is this your way of acknowledging how much more mature and trustworthy I am?

It's my way of saying if you won't do it,

I'm sending you both with a babysitter.

I'll take that as a ringing declaration of parental approval.

Just the way it was intended, sweetheart.

I love being the hostess.

It's so easy to get home at the end of the night.

You're a great hostess, cupcake. Hey!

Did I tell you that I did this really nice thing and invited Daria Morgendorffer,

even though she never, ever wears nail polish?

Her sister Quinn's coming, too.

Oh, no! She's too cute! My friends will kill me!

Kevin, you're mixing up the flat ones and the ridgy ones!

Everything looks great, munchkin. Why are you so nervous?

I'm just afraid people will judge me by my house...

and we don't have the Jacuzzi in yet.

Hey, stuff like that doesn't matter.

The most popular people with the best-looking hair

that's what makes a great party.

Thanks for the ride, Trent.

No problem. I needed a break anyway.

I've been practicing for ten hours straight.

Daria, would you say sleeping with a guitar in your hands counts as practicing?

As long as you don't drop it.

I'll let you off here. I have a problem dealing with authority.

Sure you don't want to crash?

A high school party? Please.

Don't do anything I wouldn't.

Bye.

Nice conversational skills.

I hate you.

We're here for Brittany Taylor's party.

Names?

Daria Morgendorffer.

Okay, and you? What's your name?

Tiffany. There's gotta be one.

Tiffany Hodge, Tiffany Duke, Tiffany Fairchild or Tiffany Blum-Deckler?

Uh... Tiffany Duke?

Strike! You're out. I made that one up.

Oh... she's not on the guest list.

She's been hired to draw our portraits. She's very talented.

And your name is Tiffany Duke, huh?

What a coincidence?

These are some of her sketches from art class.

They're very lifelike.

These are pretty hot.

Stop! Halt there!

Huh... never mind. Hello, gorgeous!

So I said, "Just because people are cliquey and snotty is no reason not to like them."

Mm-hmm.

I agree.

Exactly.

How do you like my house?

Uh... it's quite coordinated.

And the ceramic tigers, they're grrrreat!

Where's the Jacuzzi?

Here, I-I-I got you a drink.

This ice isn't crushed.

I'll go crush some.

You know, Jeffy still sleeps with a teddy bear.

These aren't twisty.

I'll go twist some. You know, Jamie's really a sloppy kisser.

I heard it from a girl!

I like square crackers.

Here. You know Joey was with a...

Ugh, gross!

Now she's really popular, but not as popular as she is.

He's medium popular, and he just bought a great car so soon he'll be getting more popular.

That guy was just popular enough to be invited,

but now he needs to hook up with a girl who's more popular than he is.

You really want to do this?

You know, just because people are cliquey and snotty is no reason not to like them.

Or hate them.

Chin up, nose up, let's go.

Daria, you're here. I'm so glad. Now we're even!

This is Jane. She wasn't invited, but she's good in art.

But I have you for that. Hmm... what do you know about geometry?

Lots of circles, squares and triangles.

Wow! Come on in!

Look, two kinds of chips.

Flat or ridgy. You make the call.

Chuck Ruttheimer, here. And you are...?

Jane.

Esmerelda.

I'll be your social director for the evening.

Would you ladies like a tour of the house? It's free.

Do you accept tips?

Of course.

Ditch the bangs.

Feisty...

This five-bedroom house is designed in a combination of southern pseudo-plantation

and late mock-Tudor styles.

To your right, the quasi-Victorian breakfast nook.

Straight ahead, the family den, which was inspired by the novels of Isak Dinesen.

And this... is the make-out room! Am I blushing?

Confidentially, it's really the laundry room.

Hey? Don't lean on the buttons!

Can it, Upchuck, or I'll break your face!

As we've reached the end of our tour,

I'd like to thank you for your undivided attention. Any questions?

Yes. How did you get invited?

I dissected her frog.

Now, she used to be very popular, but then then there was that unfortunate nose job.

That one behind the tiger? She was new and cute so she became, like, popular overnight.

Those three aren't popular at all. I don't know what they're doing here.

Maybe some kind of exchange program.

But what's with that girl with the glasses?

Her face looks weird. All the same color.

She's not wearing makeup.

Is that a new look or something?

Brrrrr. Scary.

Those guys are looking at us.

Don't they know we're from two different worlds?

Regular and popular?

The one in the green shirt is cute...

in a head-too-big-for-his-body kind of way.

I hate you.

Hey. Partying hard or hardly partying?

Hardly interested.

So... where you girls been all our lives?

Waiting here for you. We were born in this room,

we grew up in this room, and we thought we would die here... alone.

But now you've arrived, and our lives can truly begin.

She likes you.

Hey. Isn't that Quinn?

Where?

Over there, hiding behind the ceramic tiger.

Yoo-hoo! Sis!

I-I got to take this class. I've got to find Tiffany.

I mean... Jane.

Woo-hoo! Party!

I'm glad we found you.

We were looking all over.

I looked the hardest.

Uh, I gotta go to the bathroom.

You need some help?

I'll go with you.

It's the bathroom!

Hi, sis!

Aren't you a little out of place here? And everywhere else on Earth?

Hi, I'm Quinn's brainy sister. People say we look alike.

What's she doing in there?

Maybe she's taking a Jacuzzi.

And the traffic was so tied up

that my mom finally hands Quinn the empty soda cup and says,

"Here, you gotta go? Then go."

I have this great picture at home of Quinn in her chubby stage.

I've got five dollars.

Boy, you try to look out for your little sister...

Make it ten.

Well, I have been saving up for a pair of snappy orthopedic shoes.

Hello? Anybody there?

There's a wild party going on up at Deer View Court.

What do you plan to do about it? You can't ignore me!

I pay your salary. Are you sleeping in there?

You're not a real cop, you know!

Quinn, I don't care if your sister is a brain.

I would never hold it against you.

So, you want to go in the laundry room?

Hands off, Jamie. Quinn, you may come from a nerdy family

but that makes your popularity, like, even more amazing.

Now, why don't we ditch these two losers?

Take a hike, Joey. Quinn, if you were my girlfriend,

we could ignore your sister together. Now will you go steady with me?

At least for a couple of hours?

Oh, no! These shoes are suede!

It's the Soul Train. Beep-beep. Get on board.

What happened to "Bobby Bighead"?

I wasn't really interested.

Too bad. Is this yours?

Okay, fine. He thought my head was a lollipop. Ready to go?

I was ready to go before we got here.

So, have fun?

Well, I didn't talk to a whole bunch of new people,

I made Quinn want to throw herself down a well,

and I'm going home with a bonus sock. All in all, a great night.

Joey, Jeffy... Jamie?

You got it!

Uh... I don't think this is working out.

What?

What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

I mean, you're really special guys,

and you deserve a really great girlfriend. Three, actually.

But I feel that you're pressuring me to do things I'm not ready for.

Huh?

I don't understand.

What do you mean?

That doesn't mean you have to stop paying attention to me

and buying me stuff and driving me places, but it does mean that...

I think... what I'm trying to say is...

"Let's be friends?"

Yeah. Sorry.

You came on too strong!

You didn't give her enough space!

You should have brushed your teeth!

Stop it... stop fighting. This is horrible.

They're fighting over me.

That's it! Everybody out! Vamoose! You too, Kojak.

The real cops are here now.

Oh! Cops! Does that mean we're on TV?

New security precautions. May I see some I.D., please?

You seem awfully young to be doing this kind of work.

It's a disguise, ma'am. We're actually much older.

Not as old as you, of course, ma'am.

Now, we have to a you a few questions.

Is that your natural hair color?

Well, I never in my life...!

Never colors it.

Known to the Greeks as...?

Zeus.

Excellent.

I can name that tune in... three notes.

Thanks for the party, Brittany.

Sorry about the Jacuzzi.

It's okay. The wall-to-wall carpeting in the bathrooms makes up for it.

Joey? Jeffy? Jamie? How am I going to get home?

What happened to your fan club?

They beat each other up. It was kind of...

what's that thing, when stuff turns out funny? Moronic.

Ironic.

She was right the first time.

You want to call Mom and Dad?

And shift the balance of power? We walk.

But my shoes are all squishy.

You ladies in need of a knight in shining armor?

Can we just take the armor and ditch the knight?

Hey, it's a package deal, toots.

To your left, the home of the town director of public works,

built on unstable landfill. To your right, a flattened squirrel.

Straight ahead, the future!

Stuff a sock in it, Upchuck.

Feisty!

Réponses au blindtest :

in Ms. Defoe's art class
Tonic - Open Up Your Eyes

walking to school
Sneaker Pimps - Six Underground

in art class
Fun Lovin' Criminals - Fun Lovin' Criminal

in the cafeteria
Iggy Pop - Lust for Life

in Jane's bedroom
PJ Harvey - That Was My Veil

Quinn looking in mirror
The Cardigans - Lovefool

at Brittany's house
Fat Joe - Envy

music in Trent's car
KoRn - Clown

Quinn and Three J's at party
Shaggy - Why You Treat Me So Bad

Daria and Jane arrive at party
George Michael - FastLove

"two kinds of chips"
Cake - The Distance

Upchuck's tour of the house
Montell Jordan - I Like

two guys approach Daria and Jane
311 - All Mixed Up

kids crash the gate
Beastie Boys - Sabotage

Three J's follow Quinn to bathroom
Kula Shaker - Tattva

Three J's and Quinn by laundry room
LL Cool J - Loungin'

"it's the Soul Train"
Fifth Platoon - Party Line

Quinn breaks up with Three J's
Local H - Bound For the Floor

Mack and Jodie leave party
Silk Tymes Leather - Do Your Dance

music in Upchuck's car
Groove Collective - Life Off

closing credits
Splendora - You're Standing On My Neck