Daniel Spellbound (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
[panting]
[striking match]
[ignites flare]
[sighs]
[buzzing]
[ominous music playing]
[ominous music continues]
[grunts]
[snoring]
[snoring]
[grunts]
[snoring continues]
[snoring continues]
Let's make that money.
[thrilling music playing]
[insects buzzing]
[beep]
[squelching]
Ugh.
What have you guys been eating?
[grunts]
[retching]
[gasps] Ah!
Score!
-[clinking]
-[gasps]
[ominous music playing]
[snoring continues]
[farting]
Huh!
[cell phone with
Mexican music tone ringing]
Oh!
Shh!
-[music sting]
-Huh?
[tense music playing]
[growls]
Gah… this isn't what it looks like.
I'm only here for your poop.
[chuckles] I mean, I'm here
for the mushrooms in your poop.
[roars]
Yeah, that doesn't sound any better.
Catch!
[growling in confusion]
[propulsive music playing]
[grunts]
[exhales]
[loud crash]
[roars]
[growling]
[electricity crackling]
[growling]
[gasps]
-[growling continues]
-[panting]
-Ah!
-[growling]
-[blast]
-[growls]
[intense music playing]
[ogres continue growling]
[roars]
-[grunts]
-[low growl]
-[roars]
-[yelps]
[grunts]
-[growls]
-[wood cracks]
-[grunting]
-[ogre growls]
[ominous music plays]
[growling]
[cheering in growls]
Sorry I can't stay for dinner.
[pop]
[crackling]
Uh-oh.
[ice crackling]
[thud]
[groans]
[ice shatters]
[growls]
[screams]
[intense music playing]
[grunts]
[ice crackling]
[tense music plays]
[heroic music playing]
[grunts]
[thud]
[growling]
[grunts]
[thud]
[groans]
[growling]
Come on, who throws somebody at somebody?
[thrilling music playing]
[fires]
[growling]
[thrilling music continues]
Whoa!
[clang]
-Oof.
-[ogres growling]
-[grunts]
-[clang]
-[growling]
-[clang]
Phew!
Uh… [chuckles]
Large rats.
Eh.
[clatters]
[solemn music plays]
Ah!
Dirty hands, filthy rich.
[thrilling music builds]
[funky music playing]
Hurry up, man.
I can't do business
until you deliver the goods.
Tyson, you're in for a treat,
you lucky wizard.
Freshly tracked.
Ah, it better be.
My dupe spell is useless
without multiplying mushrooms.
[mysterious music playing]
Oh, yeah,
that's the good stuff right there.
[buzzing]
Hurry up, man.
You don't wanna get busted
for doing magic in public.
One more second.
[mysterious music continues]
[bubbling]
[slurps]
[swallows]
All right! Double your pleasure.
[bluesy music plays]
You, get to Tribeca.
You, Soho.
And get my money back
before you disappear this time!
[growling]
[burps]
Oh, look at this little guy.
How's about a mini-dog, Spellbound?
On the house.
Uh… I don't eat magic.
Ah. Mm!
A-ha!
You may be half-sized,
but you charge full price. You hear me?
Getting partners was
the best business decision I ever made.
You got someone watching your back, kid?
Ha! You volunteering?
Nah, I'm not trying
to buddy up with somebody
on the wrong side of The Pie Maker.
Who cares about that old witch?
Her bakers are searching for you, kid.
She wants you that bad,
you must've really screwed up
tracking something for her.
It's fine.
I'm close to finding a Fugu Rose.
Whoa. That rose is worth
serious money, kid.
You found one?
I just need help to track the last step.
Once I get that, ha!
All my debts are cleared and I'm set.
Yeah, except you'll still be stinky,
friendless, and, oh yeah, not magic.
Hygiene's a scam, friends are a scam,
and, oh yeah, magic is a scam.
Call it what you want, kid,
but my magic buddies are making me rich.
[intriguing music playing]
[music sting]
Oh!
Hey-hey, guys.
I was just on my way to see you--
[electricity crackling]
Hey, where were you?
You see that little hot dog guy
down the block?
You have to try one of his dogs.
-[grunts]
-[baker] We searched. No magic on him.
Daniel, my boy.
Ah.
I always forget
how cute your place is, Pie Maker.
The pies, the… curtains,
the cyclops henchmen.
I didn't become
the most wicked witch of New York
by having low-life spell Trackers fail me.
My clients expect
the best magical ingredients.
Ingredients you were supposed to deliver.
Where are my gnome whiskers?
I was gonna get them to you, I swear!
But the Bureau sicced a dowser on me,
I had to ditch 'em.
I have a plan.
The magic world knows my pies
have the most dangerous ingredients.
Ingredients you promised
to find me and failed.
That's fair, but I'm tracking
something big for you.
Yes, for me, because you owe me.
You're my Tracker now.
You will do nothing
but find every little illegal ingredient
I need for my magic pies.
I told you,
the Bureau heat on me has been intense,
but when I can track again,
I'll make it up to you.
It's all about you.
Uh-uh-uh.
You're not telling me the truth.
I haven't done any tracking at all,
I swear.
[sighs]
Bring out…
[tense music sting]
…The Beast.
[ominous music playing]
[Beast approaching]
[ominous music builds]
[oinks happily]
Ah… a pig?
[snorts, squeals]
Hey! Come on.
[giggling] Get this thing off of me.
It tickles, but in a scary way.
[sniffing]
[Pie Maker] Don't struggle.
The pig sniffer is powerful enough
to sense any magic
from a hundred yards away.
[squeals]
[beeps]
Huh?
Hey, what the--
[sniffs]
Ogre mushrooms.
Fresh.
Impressive work.
Get his eye-patch ready.
[tense music playing]
This isn't necessary!
[rumbling]
Hmm.
Now, which are you, Daniel?
A heart? Oh, no, no, no.
You clearly think you're a star.
[evil laughter]
I could get you a Fugu Rose!
Impossible.
No one's seen a Fugu Rose in years.
They're priceless.
I know where one is.
My best Trackers couldn't do that.
No way you could, silly boy.
Give me 24 hours and it's yours,
if you erase all my debt.
Well, dear, we have a deal.
[sizzling sound]
[Pie Maker]
You better not disappoint me again,
because you won't like
what this spell will do to you.
Not one bit.
Great. Heh. You'll be seeing me soon.
There is still the little matter
of you lying to me, though.
-Wait! We have a deal.
-[Pie Maker chuckles evilly]
My dear,
you can still find the Rose with one eye.
[grunts]
[grunts]
[burps]
No! That activates the oven to full power.
[hissing]
[roaring]
[tense music playing]
Turn off the oven, you buffoon!
[romantic music plays]
Ha! What are you doing?
[thrilling music playing]
[Daniel] You're just the kind of help
I've been looking for.
See you lovebirds in 24 hours.
[Pie Maker]
I'll take both your eyes for that!
-[tires screeching]
-Whoa, hey!
[panting]
Gotta catch my breath.
-You said it.
-[screams]
Did you just talk?
Hey, thanks for saving my bacon, man.
She is awful.
She has a place full of food,
never gives me a crumb.
So, you smell magic and talk.
Any other tricks I should know about?
You turn into a car or something?
Oh, you done it now.
How did you know I turn into a car?
[Hoagie chuckles and squeals]
I'm just playing.
I can't turn into a car. That'd be stupid.
You're stupid.
Aw, it's a little bit endearing, though.
Well, thanks again, I owe you.
All right. I'm out. Peace.
Throwing up a, "Peace, I'm out" sign,
you just can't tell 'cause I have a hoof.
Uh-huh. You do owe me.
And I have a way
you can repay me right now.
I-I-I-I-I'm not going anywhere
with any magician ever again.
Oh, well, you're in luck.
I'm not a magician, I'm a Tracker.
-I just sell magical ingredients.
-Uh-huh. Cool story, bruh.
Wait, I know where a Fugu Rose is-- Ish.
I don't know exactly where,
so I need your magic smelling skills
to get me to the finish.
Pie Maker wanted to take your eye
before you wrecked her shop,
what'd you think she's gonna want now?
A spleen?
Oh, please. She'll be so happy when she
gets the Rose, she won't even care.
The Rose'll clear all my debts to her,
and then some.
So, you'll walk away.
Oh, good for you. What's in it for me?
If you help me get this Rose,
I promise I won't give it to her
unless she sets you free.
Out on my own. Love it. What else?
We can get pizza on the way.
[chuckling] Yes, I am very in.
Here, just hoof-pump it, bruh.
What do I call you anyways? Piggy?
Oh, I get it. "Piggy." Because I'm a pig.
Because all pigs look alike to you.
My name is Hoagie. Not "Pig,"
not "Piggy," not "Oinkie," just "Hoagie."
Hoagie, I was kidding.
[Hoagie] Just for that "Piggy" crack,
I'm gonna pick the pizza.
[Daniel, munching] Oh!
Good call on the veggie pizza.
Yeah, I don't know what it is,
but I just don't feel right
eating pepperoni anymore.
What's the deal with this Albright place?
I've tracked the Fugu Rose
for a long time.
The search led me here.
A soap factory.
It's more than a soap factory.
I've snuck a bunch of times.
It's in there. Somewhere.
How do you know that?
You don't have my nose for this.
It's called planning, dummy.
Oh, look at me.
I got my hands so I can type
and Wiki stuff and think I'm sooo great.
Hoagie, keep quiet and stay loose.
Loose? What do you mean?
[squeals]
[grunts]
Whoa, dude, that is not cool.
I'm already down an eye,
you trying to break a leg too?
[Daniel sighs] I did say stay loose.
[Hoagie] So sorry, I haven't exactly been
keeping up with my yoga.
[sniffing]
There's magic all over the place in here,
but I'm getting one really strong scent.
[Daniel] I knew it. It's this lab, right?
[Hoagie sniffs]
No, the strongest whiff of magic is…
[sniffs]
There! Ta-da!
Oh, great, you're defective.
I literally just fed you.
Ha-ha.
Because I'm a pig.
Because pigs love to eat.
Huh.
[suspenseful music playing]
The alchemist triad? Bingo.
Huh.
I wonder what it could be.
Not that one either.
Are you sure you did it right?
Uh… I don't even think
there's any kind of magic in here.
This is nothing
but a dusty old vending machine.
My nose doesn't lie.
Your nose is just trying
to get a free Twinkie.
Oh, I see. That's how it's gonna be.
[both screaming]
[screaming]
[Hoagie screams]
[squeals]
[grunts]
[mysterious music playing]
[Daniel] I'll give 'em credit.
This was a great hiding place.
[sniffing]
Oh, this room reeks of magic.
It's itching the inside of my brain.
[sniffing]
Get it together, Hoagie.
We're on the clock.
Only a few hours until my deal runs out.
Hoagie?
Where'd you go?
[in evil voice] There is no Hoagie,
only King of the Squid People.
Do squid things for me.
Get down off the tentacore.
Chill. I'm just having a little fun.
I'll chill when we get the Rose.
-Don't touch anything.
-Hmm.
There's no telling
what's magically booby-trapped in here.
[mysterious music continues]
[gasps] There it is.
[transporting music playing]
That's the Fugu Rose?
Just grab some flowers and split.
This whole place
was built around this to protect it.
Does that give you any idea
of how powerful it is?
Mm-hmm.
One rose on this bush
can be used to extend life by decades,
but touching any of the others
brings instant, painful death.
Oh, I get your plan now.
You mistook me for a guinea pig.
-No, I--
-[squeals]
[chilling music playing]
[screaming] A little help!
Hoagie!
This is why you don't touch anything.
Oh, no. I'm too young to become pepperoni!
Immune to stun spells. That's real--
[growling]
Score!
[thrilling music playing]
[grunts]
[straining]
[panting]
-[slashing]
-[monster growling]
Let's get that rose and get out.
-[monster growls]
-[Daniel grunts]
[ominous music playing]
[Daniel grunting]
[monster growls]
Heaven help me, it tastes so good!
[sighs]
-[monster growls]
-[Daniel yells]
[clinking]
-Hoagie… get me… the sword… now.
-[thumping]
-[thumping continues]
-This… genuinely… hurts.
[screaming]
[Hoagie] I've got the sword!
[screams]
Daniel! You want me?
Come and get me, land sushi.
[growling]
[ominous music builds]
[roaring]
Oh, man, did you just touch that rose?
Oh, I bet you're feeling stupid now.
[roaring continues]
[Daniel screaming]
[thuds]
Daniel! Tell me you're okay.
[exhales]
Didn't I say not to touch anything?!
You almost got me killed!
No, I saved you.
From a thing you brought to life
with your touching!
Now I'm drenched in walking fish guts.
-Pfft. You're still alive.
-[sighs]
You want this rose or not? Because I know
which one to definitely not touch.
[sniffing]
Tell me the right one to pick.
I'm trying.
I'm a little fired up right now.
I'm not used to facing death
so many times in one day.
[sniffing]
[ding]
[mysterious music playing]
[laughing]
Yes!
Best Tracker alive.
Whoo!
Man, I was like 65% sure I was right.
Thank goodness.
Wait, what?
Uh, those were decent odds.
Just take the victory lap and be happy.
[upbeat music playing]
Come on, I got you.
Alley-oop.
-Thanks.
-Good work, man.
What do you think about hanging around?
We make an okay team, yeah?
Oh, so I can help you make money
off of my power. What an offer.
Where are you gonna go?
You're a magic talking pig.
The normal world won't know
what to do with you.
Thanks. I'll take my chances.
Lots of better jobs out there for a pig
than being your nose servant.
Hoagie, you're right.
We can make money.
Together. Split it 50/50.
Watch each other's backs. What'd you say?
Now you're talking. All right. I'm in.
Dowsers. Run for it!
I swear I never touched anything.
[electricity crackling]
[female dowser] By order
of the Bureau of Magical Enforcement,
you are both under arrest.
I do not know this guy.
We are not together.
Thanks.
[closing theme music playing]
[striking match]
[ignites flare]
[sighs]
[buzzing]
[ominous music playing]
[ominous music continues]
[grunts]
[snoring]
[snoring]
[grunts]
[snoring continues]
[snoring continues]
Let's make that money.
[thrilling music playing]
[insects buzzing]
[beep]
[squelching]
Ugh.
What have you guys been eating?
[grunts]
[retching]
[gasps] Ah!
Score!
-[clinking]
-[gasps]
[ominous music playing]
[snoring continues]
[farting]
Huh!
[cell phone with
Mexican music tone ringing]
Oh!
Shh!
-[music sting]
-Huh?
[tense music playing]
[growls]
Gah… this isn't what it looks like.
I'm only here for your poop.
[chuckles] I mean, I'm here
for the mushrooms in your poop.
[roars]
Yeah, that doesn't sound any better.
Catch!
[growling in confusion]
[propulsive music playing]
[grunts]
[exhales]
[loud crash]
[roars]
[growling]
[electricity crackling]
[growling]
[gasps]
-[growling continues]
-[panting]
-Ah!
-[growling]
-[blast]
-[growls]
[intense music playing]
[ogres continue growling]
[roars]
-[grunts]
-[low growl]
-[roars]
-[yelps]
[grunts]
-[growls]
-[wood cracks]
-[grunting]
-[ogre growls]
[ominous music plays]
[growling]
[cheering in growls]
Sorry I can't stay for dinner.
[pop]
[crackling]
Uh-oh.
[ice crackling]
[thud]
[groans]
[ice shatters]
[growls]
[screams]
[intense music playing]
[grunts]
[ice crackling]
[tense music plays]
[heroic music playing]
[grunts]
[thud]
[growling]
[grunts]
[thud]
[groans]
[growling]
Come on, who throws somebody at somebody?
[thrilling music playing]
[fires]
[growling]
[thrilling music continues]
Whoa!
[clang]
-Oof.
-[ogres growling]
-[grunts]
-[clang]
-[growling]
-[clang]
Phew!
Uh… [chuckles]
Large rats.
Eh.
[clatters]
[solemn music plays]
Ah!
Dirty hands, filthy rich.
[thrilling music builds]
[funky music playing]
Hurry up, man.
I can't do business
until you deliver the goods.
Tyson, you're in for a treat,
you lucky wizard.
Freshly tracked.
Ah, it better be.
My dupe spell is useless
without multiplying mushrooms.
[mysterious music playing]
Oh, yeah,
that's the good stuff right there.
[buzzing]
Hurry up, man.
You don't wanna get busted
for doing magic in public.
One more second.
[mysterious music continues]
[bubbling]
[slurps]
[swallows]
All right! Double your pleasure.
[bluesy music plays]
You, get to Tribeca.
You, Soho.
And get my money back
before you disappear this time!
[growling]
[burps]
Oh, look at this little guy.
How's about a mini-dog, Spellbound?
On the house.
Uh… I don't eat magic.
Ah. Mm!
A-ha!
You may be half-sized,
but you charge full price. You hear me?
Getting partners was
the best business decision I ever made.
You got someone watching your back, kid?
Ha! You volunteering?
Nah, I'm not trying
to buddy up with somebody
on the wrong side of The Pie Maker.
Who cares about that old witch?
Her bakers are searching for you, kid.
She wants you that bad,
you must've really screwed up
tracking something for her.
It's fine.
I'm close to finding a Fugu Rose.
Whoa. That rose is worth
serious money, kid.
You found one?
I just need help to track the last step.
Once I get that, ha!
All my debts are cleared and I'm set.
Yeah, except you'll still be stinky,
friendless, and, oh yeah, not magic.
Hygiene's a scam, friends are a scam,
and, oh yeah, magic is a scam.
Call it what you want, kid,
but my magic buddies are making me rich.
[intriguing music playing]
[music sting]
Oh!
Hey-hey, guys.
I was just on my way to see you--
[electricity crackling]
Hey, where were you?
You see that little hot dog guy
down the block?
You have to try one of his dogs.
-[grunts]
-[baker] We searched. No magic on him.
Daniel, my boy.
Ah.
I always forget
how cute your place is, Pie Maker.
The pies, the… curtains,
the cyclops henchmen.
I didn't become
the most wicked witch of New York
by having low-life spell Trackers fail me.
My clients expect
the best magical ingredients.
Ingredients you were supposed to deliver.
Where are my gnome whiskers?
I was gonna get them to you, I swear!
But the Bureau sicced a dowser on me,
I had to ditch 'em.
I have a plan.
The magic world knows my pies
have the most dangerous ingredients.
Ingredients you promised
to find me and failed.
That's fair, but I'm tracking
something big for you.
Yes, for me, because you owe me.
You're my Tracker now.
You will do nothing
but find every little illegal ingredient
I need for my magic pies.
I told you,
the Bureau heat on me has been intense,
but when I can track again,
I'll make it up to you.
It's all about you.
Uh-uh-uh.
You're not telling me the truth.
I haven't done any tracking at all,
I swear.
[sighs]
Bring out…
[tense music sting]
…The Beast.
[ominous music playing]
[Beast approaching]
[ominous music builds]
[oinks happily]
Ah… a pig?
[snorts, squeals]
Hey! Come on.
[giggling] Get this thing off of me.
It tickles, but in a scary way.
[sniffing]
[Pie Maker] Don't struggle.
The pig sniffer is powerful enough
to sense any magic
from a hundred yards away.
[squeals]
[beeps]
Huh?
Hey, what the--
[sniffs]
Ogre mushrooms.
Fresh.
Impressive work.
Get his eye-patch ready.
[tense music playing]
This isn't necessary!
[rumbling]
Hmm.
Now, which are you, Daniel?
A heart? Oh, no, no, no.
You clearly think you're a star.
[evil laughter]
I could get you a Fugu Rose!
Impossible.
No one's seen a Fugu Rose in years.
They're priceless.
I know where one is.
My best Trackers couldn't do that.
No way you could, silly boy.
Give me 24 hours and it's yours,
if you erase all my debt.
Well, dear, we have a deal.
[sizzling sound]
[Pie Maker]
You better not disappoint me again,
because you won't like
what this spell will do to you.
Not one bit.
Great. Heh. You'll be seeing me soon.
There is still the little matter
of you lying to me, though.
-Wait! We have a deal.
-[Pie Maker chuckles evilly]
My dear,
you can still find the Rose with one eye.
[grunts]
[grunts]
[burps]
No! That activates the oven to full power.
[hissing]
[roaring]
[tense music playing]
Turn off the oven, you buffoon!
[romantic music plays]
Ha! What are you doing?
[thrilling music playing]
[Daniel] You're just the kind of help
I've been looking for.
See you lovebirds in 24 hours.
[Pie Maker]
I'll take both your eyes for that!
-[tires screeching]
-Whoa, hey!
[panting]
Gotta catch my breath.
-You said it.
-[screams]
Did you just talk?
Hey, thanks for saving my bacon, man.
She is awful.
She has a place full of food,
never gives me a crumb.
So, you smell magic and talk.
Any other tricks I should know about?
You turn into a car or something?
Oh, you done it now.
How did you know I turn into a car?
[Hoagie chuckles and squeals]
I'm just playing.
I can't turn into a car. That'd be stupid.
You're stupid.
Aw, it's a little bit endearing, though.
Well, thanks again, I owe you.
All right. I'm out. Peace.
Throwing up a, "Peace, I'm out" sign,
you just can't tell 'cause I have a hoof.
Uh-huh. You do owe me.
And I have a way
you can repay me right now.
I-I-I-I-I'm not going anywhere
with any magician ever again.
Oh, well, you're in luck.
I'm not a magician, I'm a Tracker.
-I just sell magical ingredients.
-Uh-huh. Cool story, bruh.
Wait, I know where a Fugu Rose is-- Ish.
I don't know exactly where,
so I need your magic smelling skills
to get me to the finish.
Pie Maker wanted to take your eye
before you wrecked her shop,
what'd you think she's gonna want now?
A spleen?
Oh, please. She'll be so happy when she
gets the Rose, she won't even care.
The Rose'll clear all my debts to her,
and then some.
So, you'll walk away.
Oh, good for you. What's in it for me?
If you help me get this Rose,
I promise I won't give it to her
unless she sets you free.
Out on my own. Love it. What else?
We can get pizza on the way.
[chuckling] Yes, I am very in.
Here, just hoof-pump it, bruh.
What do I call you anyways? Piggy?
Oh, I get it. "Piggy." Because I'm a pig.
Because all pigs look alike to you.
My name is Hoagie. Not "Pig,"
not "Piggy," not "Oinkie," just "Hoagie."
Hoagie, I was kidding.
[Hoagie] Just for that "Piggy" crack,
I'm gonna pick the pizza.
[Daniel, munching] Oh!
Good call on the veggie pizza.
Yeah, I don't know what it is,
but I just don't feel right
eating pepperoni anymore.
What's the deal with this Albright place?
I've tracked the Fugu Rose
for a long time.
The search led me here.
A soap factory.
It's more than a soap factory.
I've snuck a bunch of times.
It's in there. Somewhere.
How do you know that?
You don't have my nose for this.
It's called planning, dummy.
Oh, look at me.
I got my hands so I can type
and Wiki stuff and think I'm sooo great.
Hoagie, keep quiet and stay loose.
Loose? What do you mean?
[squeals]
[grunts]
Whoa, dude, that is not cool.
I'm already down an eye,
you trying to break a leg too?
[Daniel sighs] I did say stay loose.
[Hoagie] So sorry, I haven't exactly been
keeping up with my yoga.
[sniffing]
There's magic all over the place in here,
but I'm getting one really strong scent.
[Daniel] I knew it. It's this lab, right?
[Hoagie sniffs]
No, the strongest whiff of magic is…
[sniffs]
There! Ta-da!
Oh, great, you're defective.
I literally just fed you.
Ha-ha.
Because I'm a pig.
Because pigs love to eat.
Huh.
[suspenseful music playing]
The alchemist triad? Bingo.
Huh.
I wonder what it could be.
Not that one either.
Are you sure you did it right?
Uh… I don't even think
there's any kind of magic in here.
This is nothing
but a dusty old vending machine.
My nose doesn't lie.
Your nose is just trying
to get a free Twinkie.
Oh, I see. That's how it's gonna be.
[both screaming]
[screaming]
[Hoagie screams]
[squeals]
[grunts]
[mysterious music playing]
[Daniel] I'll give 'em credit.
This was a great hiding place.
[sniffing]
Oh, this room reeks of magic.
It's itching the inside of my brain.
[sniffing]
Get it together, Hoagie.
We're on the clock.
Only a few hours until my deal runs out.
Hoagie?
Where'd you go?
[in evil voice] There is no Hoagie,
only King of the Squid People.
Do squid things for me.
Get down off the tentacore.
Chill. I'm just having a little fun.
I'll chill when we get the Rose.
-Don't touch anything.
-Hmm.
There's no telling
what's magically booby-trapped in here.
[mysterious music continues]
[gasps] There it is.
[transporting music playing]
That's the Fugu Rose?
Just grab some flowers and split.
This whole place
was built around this to protect it.
Does that give you any idea
of how powerful it is?
Mm-hmm.
One rose on this bush
can be used to extend life by decades,
but touching any of the others
brings instant, painful death.
Oh, I get your plan now.
You mistook me for a guinea pig.
-No, I--
-[squeals]
[chilling music playing]
[screaming] A little help!
Hoagie!
This is why you don't touch anything.
Oh, no. I'm too young to become pepperoni!
Immune to stun spells. That's real--
[growling]
Score!
[thrilling music playing]
[grunts]
[straining]
[panting]
-[slashing]
-[monster growling]
Let's get that rose and get out.
-[monster growls]
-[Daniel grunts]
[ominous music playing]
[Daniel grunting]
[monster growls]
Heaven help me, it tastes so good!
[sighs]
-[monster growls]
-[Daniel yells]
[clinking]
-Hoagie… get me… the sword… now.
-[thumping]
-[thumping continues]
-This… genuinely… hurts.
[screaming]
[Hoagie] I've got the sword!
[screams]
Daniel! You want me?
Come and get me, land sushi.
[growling]
[ominous music builds]
[roaring]
Oh, man, did you just touch that rose?
Oh, I bet you're feeling stupid now.
[roaring continues]
[Daniel screaming]
[thuds]
Daniel! Tell me you're okay.
[exhales]
Didn't I say not to touch anything?!
You almost got me killed!
No, I saved you.
From a thing you brought to life
with your touching!
Now I'm drenched in walking fish guts.
-Pfft. You're still alive.
-[sighs]
You want this rose or not? Because I know
which one to definitely not touch.
[sniffing]
Tell me the right one to pick.
I'm trying.
I'm a little fired up right now.
I'm not used to facing death
so many times in one day.
[sniffing]
[ding]
[mysterious music playing]
[laughing]
Yes!
Best Tracker alive.
Whoo!
Man, I was like 65% sure I was right.
Thank goodness.
Wait, what?
Uh, those were decent odds.
Just take the victory lap and be happy.
[upbeat music playing]
Come on, I got you.
Alley-oop.
-Thanks.
-Good work, man.
What do you think about hanging around?
We make an okay team, yeah?
Oh, so I can help you make money
off of my power. What an offer.
Where are you gonna go?
You're a magic talking pig.
The normal world won't know
what to do with you.
Thanks. I'll take my chances.
Lots of better jobs out there for a pig
than being your nose servant.
Hoagie, you're right.
We can make money.
Together. Split it 50/50.
Watch each other's backs. What'd you say?
Now you're talking. All right. I'm in.
Dowsers. Run for it!
I swear I never touched anything.
[electricity crackling]
[female dowser] By order
of the Bureau of Magical Enforcement,
you are both under arrest.
I do not know this guy.
We are not together.
Thanks.
[closing theme music playing]