Danger & Eggs (2015-2017): Season 1, Episode 9 - Dog Park/Trading Post - full transcript

-[clucks] -♪ A kid, an egg,
a park, they do stuff ♪

MAN: But there's...
there's more to it than that.

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

♪ Ah... it's called
Danger & Eggs.♪

♪

[upbeat march playing]

Welcome to the anniversary
parade of Roy Danger's...

my dad's... Famous Muddy Jump
860 Puddle Dive.

-Clear a path!
-[cymbals clang]

Parade candy!



-It's free, so no fighting.
-[bird coos]

-[blows whistle twice]
-Wait!

[turns music off]

As the acting president
of Pathway Obstruction Removal,

I'm needed!

Sticks are nature's trip-wire.

Yeah, Phillip, take away
those pokey nasty boys.

Sticks, you have messed
with the wrong Phillip.

[dog barks,
dogs barking and growling]

Oh. Oh, all right,
there you go.

Little scratch for you, buddy.
How you doin'?

Okay. [speaking baby talk]

Aw. Dogs love you.

Yes, but I can't take
all the credit.



-They also love sticks.
-[dog whining]

[D.D. laughs, dogs barking]

Presenting: Nature's Furry
Trip-Wire Collection Agents!

Formerly known as "dogs."

Well done. I name you "Adorable"

-[dog whining]
-and you "Helpful."

Uh, unless
you already have names.

I don't mean to confuse you.

-Oh, no.
-[dog barks, pants]

[laughs]

Phillip, you should get a dog.

Then you can name it for real.

[Phillip giggles, dog barks]

I have always admired their
ability to live in the moment.

[chuckles]
But I'd need to prepare.

There's so much information
and...

Hold on. I know what you need:
research.

-Dad, watch some cartoons.
-[upbeat music plays on TV]

[muffled yelling]

Yeah, he's such a bad boy,
but he's also a good boy...

Everything we need to know
about dogs is right here

in Chickenpaw Park Dog Park.

Fuzz was hard-pulling his leash,
and I was like,

"Uh, whoa, buddy.
Who's walking who?" You know?

-[woman laughs]
-Oh, cutie-pootie-poo.

Most days, I look at Cricket,
and I think,

"Who rescued who?"
I can't even say.

-[both sigh]
-Dogs.

Woof.

Let's see what kind of dog
might be good for you.

-[birds cooing] -You know
who that one would go with?

PHILLIP: [chuckles]
The Pigeon Lady.

[low growling]

Lydia, I've got a bone to pick
with accounting!

[both laugh]

Oh, oh, ooh, the one over there,
the bored one with the ball.

-[whining]
-[D.D. and Phillip laugh]

PHILLIP and D.D.:
Layla.

D.D.:
There's even a Duncan. Look!

[barking]

-[bird coos] -And that puddle
looks like our fountain,

which makes that dog house
your mom. Ha!

Wait one second.

[panting]

[grunting]

[panting]

D.D., the dog park... it's...

an exact replica
of Chickenpaw Park.

D.D.:
Gasp.

Yeah, but before
the Tube of Pain fell...

Oh, it's falling.

-[wooden creaking]
-PHILLIP: Is that you and...?

-D.D.: It's us!
-PHILLIP: Oh, no.

Is that what I look like
when running?

Aw, we're so cute!

Phillip, it's that time Reina
was showing us new dance moves

that can hypnotize trouts,
but then she shiska-dooed

too close
to the riverbank and...

fell in the river.

Huh.

This looks a bit like the day

we gathered
to appreciate stillness.

D.D.:
Not my favorite day.

These dogs sure seem to do a lot
of the same stuff as us.

Almost allof the same things.

Like we're watching...

-Dogs.
-...our past.

Our past.

Have we ever dug a hole
under a fence?

A lot!

Oh, yeah. Yesterday.

When we buried
that birthday cake.

Yesterday...

D.D.! Uh, okay.

A human year is seven dog years.

Thus, our dog selves
in the dog park

are moving seven times
faster through time.

Are you following me?

Living out our past, but faster.

Gasp! I should stop being
so radically awesome,

because if I get hurt,
that means dog-me gets hurt.

Don't worry, D.D.

By my calculations, there will
soon be a moment of...

synchronicity.

Then, the dogs' lives will be...

[gulps]
our future!

D.D.
That was this morning!

Okay, it's coming, D.D.

In three, two, one...

BOTH:
Synchronicity.

[barking speech]

[buzzing]

Welp, I've had
a great time, D.D.

Learning about dogs was
much more complex

and unnecessarily mind-bending
than...

[panting]
Let's just go.

What? We can't just walk away
from the future.

We need to see what's next.

The future should be...
a secret.

What if we don't like
what we see?

Well, that's why
we got to stay, Phillip.

We've been given the gift
of the Power of Future Vision.

If something bad happens,
we can stop it!

Well, maybe I should stay here
and look into the future,

but just long enough to see

if I dostay here
and look into the future.

[dogs barking]

Copy that.

Everybody, great news.

Dad says marching in the
anniversary parade is boring.

He wants to recreate the stunt.

-[dogs howling]
-Um, but D.D...

He's gonna tail slide
on the skateboard

through this patch of mud,

catapult off this hill,
catch a ball midair,

and then backflip into the pond.

I am objecting to this stunt,
but if I wasn't objecting,

I'd move the pond a bit
to the left, just to be safe.

[grunts]

Eh, he's got this,
don't ya, Dad?

[grunts]

[howling]

-[whimpers]
-Dad! -Mr. Danger!

-Dad!
-[barking and whining]

Seeing the future is a curse,
not a gift!

[gasps]
We left Dad alone.

He's gonna try
to recreate the stunt!

[upbeat music playing]

[panting]
We're not too late.

-Don't do it, Dad!
-[panting]

Maybe knowing the future
doesn'tcontrol us.

We still have free will.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

We do what we want,
be what we be.

Dad, how are the cartoon...?
Whoa!

[crowd cheering,
upbeat music playing]

[engine revving]

Oh, no.

Dad always reviewed his tapes
like this before he did a stunt.

A true athlete.

Hey, so, Dad...
[chuckles]

Uh, what exactly do you think
you're doing exactly?

Uh, 'cause...
I've seen the future!

And I'm here to tell you

you're not recreating nothin'
today, bud.

[muffled yelling]

Presenting Phillip's
Future Proof Free Will Ball.

Designed to prevent all possible
and potential injuries.

Let's make it now.

Time is not on our side.

[muffled yelling]

This is called a body pillow,
but I'm using it on wheels.

We're throwing logic
out the window!

[muffled groaning]

I know it's not what you had
in mind today, Dad,

but it's my daughterly
and future-seeing duty

to do whatever it takes
to keep you safe.

[muffled yelling]

D.D.!

Put down the marshmallow!

We've reached maximum weight...

I'm not taking any chances.

-[creaking]
-Um...

BOTH [slow-motion]:
No...!

-[Roy groans]
-[Phillip panting]

Expecting this to happen

might have caused us
to makeit happen.

Gasp. We can't stop destiny.

I surrender!

So if we caused it to happen,
then we don't...

then we do have control
over what we're trying to do,

but if we... if we don't,
then we...

Um, what are you doing?

Uh, it's no use.

[groans]
We're pawns of fate.

Match your actions
to Dog Phillip. [groans]

I don't want a single
other creature getting hurt!

[Phillip groaning]

Phillip, what are you doing?!

The opposite!

If Dog Phillip wants
to be right side up,

I'm going to be upside down.

-[Phillip groans]
-[barking]

I can't accept

that we're just cogs
in the universe's machine.

D.D., break away from Dog D.D.'s
puppet mastery.

[D.D. groans]

-[dog whining]
-Bark!

Phillip, please!

You think you're in control,
but it'll just turn out bad!

I disagree.

[barking]

[D.D. panting]

I can do this forever.
[groans]

[panting]

-Uh, uh.
-Pant, pant.

-Hey!
-Pant, pant, pant, pant.

-Uh, woof, woof. -Oh,
look at those two snuggling.

[chuckles] You totally look like
the one with the blue collar.

And the yellow collar is so you.

WOMAN:
They're best friends.

Like us.
[speaking baby talk]

[chuckles]:
Oh.

Hey, you're just seeing what
you want to see in these pets...

-O... kay.
-Oh, that's embarrassing.

Huh. [clears throat]

I guess maybe wewere
projecting what wewant to see.

Huh. Um, I don't think
I'm ready to own a dog.

I'd like a little less
responsibility in my future.

Weight of the world.

Hey, maybe you should get a cat.

I'll need to do some research.

Guess you're right, Flea-llip.

They're nothing like us.

Told you, Flea-D.

[dogs barking in distance]

♪

To me!

Saucer in the basket!

Thread the needle, come on!

Open wide, sky. Hyah!

D.D.
You're doing it, disc! Come on!

[disc dings]

BOTH:
Ding you, water tower.

That's 1,002 misfires.

No regular flying disc
can withstand

the mega-thrusting power
of the Whip-n-Grip.

Working title, patent pending.

[sighs]
Our efforts are futile.

[Dmitri clears throat]
Over here.

-Bring your attention this way.
-[kids laughing]

-Yeah. -Perhaps you can
find the disc you need at...

Corn, corn!

Two blocks that way, grown-up.

[clears throat]

Everything you need at
The Trading Post,

an underground market
where you'll find

everything you can imagine.

Pause for amazement.

Um, a kind offer,

but the 1,000-plus discs
we've lost

have drained all financial...

Oh, you won't need money
at The Trading Post.

Speeding trains?

Underground market?

Potential adventures?

We're getting discs!

Uh, okay.

-Thank you, Tappy.
-Thanks, Tappy.

I'm Posty now.

Posty. I'm Posty.

Sealed in a metal box,
speeding through darkness,

a stranger at the helm,
mysteries ahead.

No maps, no control.

Oh, such fun we have.

Phillip, you want those discs,
don't you?

Just relax and enjoy...

[breaks squeak, engine stops]

...the ride.

CONDUCTOR:
End of the line.

Nothing here.
Boringsville.

You know, unless you're here
for the thing.

[gasps] Secret door.

It was in the brochure.

[whispers]:
Secrets.

-[lights clanking]
-[Phillip whimpering]

-I'll trade five for one!
-[excited chatter]

-No tradebacks!
-Yup,

probably a disc here.

I count 219 safety violations.

Let's get what we need and run

in an orderly fashion
out a clearly-marked exit.

Pardon me.

Do you know where we can find
a disc merchant?

Oh, hi.
Information will cost you.

But we were told
we didn't need money.

The Trading Post.

Hmm.
[clears throat]

This brochure paper airplane,
uh, for the scoop.

Booth 2447C has discs.

No tradebacks.

Yes! The barter system.

"The barter system:

"People exchanging things
for things.

"With no price up-front,
people haggle,

-each trying for the best deal."
-No deal, no deal!

-I said no deal!
-I'll take that one! Over here!

-I'll take that trade.
-A system

of intentional confrontation?

Subjective values?

Trades based in paper planes
and screaming?

-[distant scream]
-Fun, right?

Fun, wrong.

Besides, unless you have
more brochures,

we have nothing to trade except
our clothes and pocket lint.

KID:
I-I'll take pocket lint.

What'll you give me?

Half a cheese sandwich.

Whole sandwich.

Double cheese.

Not for that much lint.

A deal. No tradebacks.

No tradebacks.

-Who's hungry? [laughs]
-[excited chatter]

-That's a deal. -No tradebacks.
-I know a deal when I see one.

No tradebacks.

-[gasps] Turtle. -[chuckles]
A turtle from a piece of lint.

Can you imagine

what sort of discs
I can get with this thing?

[gasps]
The Platters of Glide.

I thought these were
just a myth.

The Platters
are the most durable,

most aerodynamic flying discs
ever maybe created.

Maybe.

They're perfect!

We want the Platters.

You can't afford those.

I have a real turtle.

[scoffs]
Okay, for a real turtle,

I'll do a brown windsock.

How about that?

PHILLIP:
I need that.

Real turtle and a head lamp.

Three windsocks.

Turtle, lamp and this book.

D.D., too far, too far!

No Platters.

Ugh! Oh.

Okay, how about the one

Sensitive Warrior action figure
you're missing?

The Hugging Astronaut?

There's only one at the Post.
Booth 50F.

Many have tried to barter
for it; all failed.

-If you get that...
-I will.

...then I will give you

my entire inventory
of the Platters.

Deal. Let's go, Phillip.

We're getting your discs.

-KID: I'll take five for one.
-Okay, deal.

-I'll take two! -You got it.
-I've got seven for you!

-Deal. You got it, buddy.
-Come here, I got six!

Come on.

At the booth, you seemed angry.

Or competitive.

Or competitively angry.

Maybe the discs aren't worth
becoming a monster, huh?

There's no way this is
enough stuff. What a joke.

Uh, I'll take a joke.

You can trade [gasps]
intangibles?

Gasp.

[grunts]

And that's how one flips.

[humming a tune]

[grunting]

Yeah!

[laughs]

Look at all this stuff.

Let's haggle.

TOY [staticky]:
Ground control, I need a hug.

-I'll take The Hugging
Astronaut. -[crowd exclaims]

You'll take a number.

Hey, Abraham Lincoln's licorice!

-Mickey Mantle's mantel?
-Ugh.

Uh, fossilized lips!

-Ancient pillow.
-Eh.

-A jar of dogs' dreams.
-Uh-uh.

-Cave goggles! -Magic bone.
-Bleh.

-The missing link! -D.D...
-Move along.

-Danger & Dragons first edition.
-Uh-uh.

-These shoes!
-Get out of here with that.

And a meteor with definitely
something inside of it.

-[high-pitched growl]
-No trade.

-[groans]
-All this,

plus a hamster
who can say "Ping-Pong,"

and the hamster's family.

Boom! Hugging Astronaut,
if you please.

Ping-Pong.

A decent haul.
But not today.

Good effort, D.D.

Now let's find that
clearly-marked exit and go home.

All this plus intangibles. Uh...

uh, like
whistling-in-reverse lessons.

-Uh, no.
-A joke.

-Got one.
-Name your price, booth kid!

-You can't afford it.
-Anything.

-A secret.
-Done. I'm...

Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. Not about you.

About your best friend.

Fine! He has a crack
under his helmet

that he got when he was little,

and that's why he's so scared
of everything all the time.

[toy radio crackles]

Phillip, we did it!
To the Platters!

Uh, yeah, uh,
I'm gonna need to verify.

[sighs]

[quietly]: This egg
has a crack under his helmet.

Did you hear?
That kid has a crack.

-The egg has got a crack.
-Excuse me? I...

-I'd like my secret back.
-He's got a crack. -The egg?

-Please, please stop.
-There's a crack in this egg.

Uh, hey.

No tradebacks.

-Did you hear? That kid
has a crack. -...secret.

♪

...a crack.

-There's a crack in that egg.
-That's him, right there.

-But don't stare.
-It's a crack.

-That guy, right there.
-He's got a crack.

Platters of Glide!

[whispering]:
That's him, right there.

-He's got a crack.
-Oh, the-the secret.

Uh, I-I'll get it back.

-It's gone.
-That guy right there.

Phillip, I... I did it again.

I got carried away.

You got hurt.

-[laughter]
-You deserve

a better friend.

KID:
I'll take that trade.

Uh...

I'll do whatever youwant.

Listen, I need a better friend
than me for Phillip.

He deserves the best.

Someone who won't betray him.

-[all clamoring]
-Everyone, please. Stay calm.

My name's Gale,
and I'd like to help.

No tradebacks.

[sighs]
Sorry, Gale.

I guess I'm not in the mood.

Excellent accuracy, by the way.

It's okay.

Uh, why don't you say
what your feeling is?

Well, I'm frustrated
that D.D. betrayed me.

The crack on my head's a secret
I've been carrying around...

on my head... for a long time.

Cracks: nature's silent screams.

Yes. But to lose my best friend
over my secret seems silly.

Maybe you want to forgive D.D.?

I don't know how. It hurts.

You can't stop things
from hurting you, Phillip.

But you get to decide
what to do with that hurt.

Other people
don't own your feelings.

Gale, you're amazing.

To The Trading Post!

[groaning]

D.D., I forgive you!

Phillip!

I want to be friends again.

Oh, me, too.

But I don't think we can.

Mm. You can't.

Don't you understand
no tradebacks, Egg?

You can't have it back.

Yes, we can.

Friendships are based
on feelings.

And, as Gale said, no one
can own other people's feelings.

I think he's still mad
about his secret.

Secrets! The value of which
are based in people's feelings.

So they're another thing
you can't own or trade.

Mm, but we do own them.

And what if my...
[whispers]: secret...

became un...
[whispers]: secret?

Is it valuable to you then?

Everyone, your attention please.

My name is Phillip,

and I have a tiny crack
on my head.

[gasps] Phillip.

You've never said it
out loud before.

Feels great.

That wasn't yours to share.

Also, I have
a reoccurring nightmare

where I'm performing CPR
in my unmentionables.

I'll take that...

Wait, did you just
give that away?

I'm flooding the market!

He's giving secrets away
for free.

I use deodorant on my knee pit.

I pretend
that I'm left-handed.

I once penned a book
about trains

under the name Bruce Candy.

-I think trees ju...
-Okay, Phillip,

-I think they get the point.
-Make it stop! -Aah!

[all screaming]

It's all falling apart!

But I wanted to tell them
about the time

that I you-know-what
on the you-know-what

-with my you-know-what.
-Uh, Gale's right.

Maybe that one
is better left a secret.

All right,
let's go Whip-n-Grip.

-[screaming continuing]
-TOY: Ground Control.

I need a hug.

Let's roll.

♪ Ground Control

♪ I need a hug

♪ Hug, hug, h-h-hug

♪ Ground control

♪ G-G-G... A hug

♪ Hug, hug, h-h-hug

♪ Your hug

♪ Is out of this world

♪ Out of this, out of this,
out of this world ♪

♪ Ground Control, G-G-G...

♪ Blast off and cuddle

♪ Let's snuggle

♪ I'm in space,
space, space, space ♪

♪ Let's snuggle

♪ I'm in

♪ [echoing]: Space

♪ [echoing]: Snuggle, snuggle,
snuggle, snuggle. ♪

Mm, that's nice.

MAN:
Well, look at you.