Danger & Eggs (2015-2017): Season 1, Episode 8 - Morning Routine/Lost & Found - full transcript

-[clucks] -♪ A kid, an egg,
a park, they do stuff ♪

MAN: But there's...
there's more to it than that.

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

-Sort of like a... just...
-Aah! Butterflies.

-Kind of, sort of, just,
you know. -Huh?

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

♪ Ah... it's called
Danger & Eggs.♪

[owl hooting, doves cooing]

PHILLIP [loudly]:
Uh, Ninja Spy Assassin Ben,

I'll get the door,
you get your powerful weapons.

Whoever's out there, there's no
way you could have known this,



but there is a ninja
spy assassin in this chicken!

It's not a burglar, Phillip.

-It's me.
-D.D.?

[Phillip groans]

So... when am I gonna meet
this Ninja Spy Assassin Ben?

He's my imaginary buddy system
when you're not around.

He pretends to look out for me,

and I pretend
to look out for him.

Right. Well, I'm here now,
'cause, I was all...

[snoring]

And then I heard...
[clucks tongue, trills]

And so then, I was like,
"Gah, gah, gah, gah!

I can't sleep!"

Terrific story.
[yawns]



Let's call that a bedtime story,
and go back to bed.

Nope. I took it as a sign to
grab you and explore the park.

Mm. Mm-hmm, I love a sign.

Animal crossing signs,
sign language

and this sign bidding you
good night.

Come on, you're already up!

And we've never seen the park
this early before.

[Phillip groans]

It's so quiet.

[whispering]:
Because people are sleeping.

D.D.:
The clock isn't even moving yet.

Maybe the clock is sleeping.

Phillip, my shoes are crying.

Because
they'd rather be sleeping!

Wait. That's morning dew.

D.D.:
Dew...

PIGEON LADY:
I see you've met my friend, Dew.

[whooshing]

See, Phillip?
Other people are up.

With devices.
Presenting the...

Wait. What is this?

Never gave it a name.

Huh. What would youcall it?

I've never been asked to name
another person's device before!

I'm honored to have this honor.

You're collecting dew
to soak some birds.

Not quite.

To get some birds soggy.

No. Everything has
a cause and effect, D.D.

Whoa, Pigeon Lady
knows my name?!

I don't know hers.

Unless I guessed right,
and it's "Pigeon" and "Lady."

Come on, Phillip.

There are things
to learn about her.

Focus, keep it simple.
I name it...

a Save-Dew-Turnip-Water
Ground-Phillip-Question-Mark?

Ugh. Wake up, brain.
Here we go.

Uh, uh, so, you know,

it wouldn't be weird if you,
uh, explain things as you go.

Just going about
my morning routine.

Been doing it for more sunrises
than I can count.

I used to love taking a knee
right there by Puny Pond

and fantasizing
that I was going on adventures.

Like a...

BOTH:
Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy!

Gasp.

She has fantasies, too!

And I've never seen her
this energetic before, Phillip.

And she invents things.

The... Dewpicker-upper

invented by
the-Pigeon-Lady-absorber?

Is that name snappy enough?

[gasps]
Or too snappy?

Come on, slow pokes.

The ducks must be fed before
the sun peeks over the crest!

Oh, Magda.

[gasps]
Slipping hazard!

[grunts, gasps]

Every single day!
Get it together. Come on, Shadi.

-Every day?
-[Hot Dog Vendor mumbles]

Off we go now.
They're fine.

Morning waits for no one!

Don't just stand there.

-Feed the pond.
-[ducks quacking]

She calls ducks "the pond."

[gasps]
Look, Phillip.

Wait for it.

[rumbling]

[alarm sounding]

[clacking, buzzer, whirring]

[rumbling, whirring, hissing]

[creaking, hissing]

[croaking]

This is not

how I thought
irrigation worked.

I'm not that surprised.

But did you see those fish
and the leaping and the...?

Whoa!

The Pigeon Lady
is nature's alarm clock.

I've never seen the park
this beautiful before.

Thank you for getting me
this morning, D.D.

This is amazing.

[tongue clicking,
pigeon-like cooing sounds]

Gasp! That sound...

It's like the noise
that woke me up this morning!

♪ What a coincidence.

MAN:
Ha! Path blocked!

Gerald.

What do you think
you're doing, Magda?

What I do every day...
the morning routine.

And these are my helpers.

-Gerald.
-A pleasure to meet you, Gerald.

It is too soon for helpers.

[whispering]:
You'll regret it.

That's none
of your business now, is it?

-Hi. Bye.
-Uh... pleasure?

[Gerald sighs]

Okay, bring it in.

Uh, who was that?
What does he want?

Don't think we like him, right?

What we might have here
is a nemesis.

No, Gerald used
to do the morning routine,

but he passed the torch on
to me many sunrises ago.

One park-goer is always chosen.

Or in some cases, two.

BOTH:
Us?

Hmm, I'm beginning to think

that running into you may not
have been a coincidence.

No time to dilly-dally.

The light must turn green
as the sun peeks over the crest.

[groans, whirring, whoosh]

Wait... for it.

[magical whooshing]

[whooshing, tones sounding,
buzzer sounds]

[electrical hissing
and buzzing]

[rumbling, squeaking]

[chittering]

Quickly!

Help me hold it steady.

[grunts]
Got it.

PHILLIP:
I love steadying.

Oh. Oh! Why I...

PHILLIP:
A sleeping band shell?

[shouting]:
Wake up, band shell!

[whooshing, creaking,
loud rumbling]

A Sweetgum-pod-opener
pew-pew-cannon;

suggested name,
approval pending.

[popping]

[squeaking,
loud rumbling]

Try not to open. I dare you!

[popping, squeaking]

As a morning routine
trainee-in-training,

I think I'm...
getting the hang of it.

Wait for it.

[rumbling]

[buzzing]

[whining]

Here, pup!

Ooh, ooh, I got this.

-[dog whining]
-That ordinary tennis ball

is gonna do a bunch of stuff,
open the earth,

-raise the space antenna...
-[dog growling]

...that starts the mind control
that makes us crave hash browns.

[gasps]
Mind control.

-Not quite.
-[dog whining]

Though hash browns
would be yum.

The hands of the clock must be
wound as the sun hits its face.

[dog whistle blows,
dog whines]

[growling]

[panting]

I warned you, Magda.

Ball stealer!

We'll get that ball...
little rolly boy.

With me as my witness,
we won't let you down.

[Pigeon Lady pants loudly]

-To the other side of the park,
and fast! -And safe!

Phillip, get the rest of the dew
on that hill.

Then when I say "go,"
shoot those round pod things

and a bunch of buns
at Puny Pond.

On it, and I've got it!

I'm calling this
the "Yes-Can-Dew!"

PIGEON LADY [shouting]:
I like it!

[whooping]

Go, Phillip!
Shoot the cannon now!

-[quacking]
-Wee!

[grunts]

[grunting]

[grunts]
Aah!

[yelling, chittering]

[groans, tires squeak]

[whooping]

-[D.D. grunts]
-[Gerald groans]

The fun is over, if you call
stealing tennis balls fun.

And I hope you don't,
'cause it's kind of sad.

Come on, Phillip, D.D.

Let's finish
the morning routine.

No, Magda, wait!

Don't you see?

Once they learn the routine,
you'll no longer be needed.

What?

When I passed the routine
to you, I ended up with nothing.

I sit in my kitchen
staring at the wall all day.

On good days,
I count the cracks in my floor.

Three thousand...
900... and 82.

It's like when I retired
from firefighting.

I feel useless
and... obsolete.

So you're trying to...

protect me
from feeling that way?

Mm-hmm.

That's sweet in a weird way,

but you two could never
be useless.

Look at everything you've done.

The park couldn't function
without you.

Gerald, the routine
must be passed on,

and I've got these two ready
to take over for me...

when the time comes.

Wow.

Thank you for trusting us
to do this job.

Pigeon Lady, Angry Gerald,

it would be our honor to
continue your morning routine.

And start a routine of our own.

Why don't we all
do this together?

[birds cooing]

Wait for it.

[cooing]

[clacking]

[clock bell tolls]

[clucks]

[clock bell tolls]

[clock bell tolls]

-[clock bell tolls]
-[animals chittering, squeaking]

[clock bell tolling]

[hissing]

♪ And the park is ready
for the day. ♪

Huh, so now what do we do?

[birds cooing]

[Phillip yawns]

-PHILLIP: Welcome to the Lost
and Found. -[squirrel chitters]

If it's lost, we feel your pain,

if it's found,
we share your joy.

All set to go return stuff?

Not just return stuff,
but savor the reunion

of person and thing.

It feels like giving someone
a present they already loved.

♪

-[dog barks]
-[Phillip and D.D. laugh]

-[grunts]
-[Phillip and D.D. laughing]

[beeps]

[power surging]

-[electric buzzes]
-[D.D. and Phillip laugh]

I feel good, D.D.

Returning lost objects

-is my mission in life.
-Oh, I thought

safety-wellness-organization-
inventing-expertise-

friendship-safety
was your mission.

It's all related.

When you lose something,

you lose everything.

You experience dizziness,
nausea, dry mouth.

Not me. I just say "Darn."

And then I get on with my life.

No dry mouth? You're amazing.

Look. Somebody found somethin'.

[gasps]
This is how joy starts.

[D.D. gasps]

Gasp.

CHILD:
Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy.

[growls]

[train horn blares,
train chugs]

One pair of roller skates.

Not roller skates.
They're iGoFast E-Screamers,

the fastest motorized skates
ever produced.

The same ones Trix Blixon wore
in Secretary of Skate Two,

the greatest action skating
movie of all time!

-[D.D. gasping]
-Huh.

I did not know all of that.

Your skate knowledge
will be vital

in our search for the loss-ee,
which begins now.

So, just asking for a friend,

but, uh, what happens
to the skates

if we can't track down

-this really careless owner?
-Irrelevant.

As you know, my reuniting
success rate is 100%.

Reuniting? Re-unition?
Reu... Reunion.

What I'm trying to say is,

I will always find them.

But just supposing.

W-What if the skates belong
to a young city girl

with skating in her blood

who moves to a small Texas town?

It's all going great
until a local sheriff

gets law 349.1 passed,

and roller skating is outlawed
and she has to fight back!

Sounds a bit far-fetched.

It happened. To Trix Blixon
in Secretary of Skate One,

second best action skating movie
of all time.

If the owner can't use them,

what happens to the skates?

Items not claimed after 60 days
become park property.

The lost and found administrator
is free to dispose of them

in the manner that he, she,
they, see fit.

You're the administrator.

That means you could dispose
of them... to me.

They could be mine.

Well...

H-H-Hypothetically speaking.

[sighing]: Because we're going
to find the real owner.

Exactly.

So keep flyer-ing the area.

Uh, it looks like you've got
that pretty well taken care of.

[Becky clucks]

[pigeons cooing]

Can I just try 'em out?

Puh-lease?

Once around the park?

A reasonable request,

which I'm afraid I must deny.

What if the owner shows up
while you're using them?

You'd be delaying their joy...
and mine.

Well, if you love them,
save up and buy a pair.

I could...

Except they don't sell them

anymore!

They were banned in 40 countries

for being too bananas-fast.

-[D.D. screams]
-Welcome to the Lost and Found.

If it's lost, we feel your pain.

If it's found we sha...

I hear ya found my skates.

[D.D. groans]

Haw, these beauts have been
in my fam for generations.

Passed down to me
by all of my ancestors.

I don't know what I would do
if I couldn't get 'em back.

-So, yeah. Hand 'em over,
buster. -D.D.

[grunting]:
Stop it.

Hmm, hang on a sec,

cool-lookin' skate girl.

Ru-elle.

Okay, Ruelle.

A couple of quick questions
for security purposes.

So you've had the skates
a long time, eh?

Guess you'd know what size
they are for your feet.

Uh... six.

Ugh, yes.

Okay, moving on.

What color is the foam lining

that feels delicious
on your toes?

Okay. A sort of reddish...

orange, yellow, blue...
greenish-purple.

Hmm, guess that was too easy.

Okay, so I bet you don't know
what the insides smell like.

It's a kind of cheese... Oh.

Uh, caved aged sheep's spotted
milk cheese.

Uh, it's Camembert.

You fraud.

Oh, whatevs, give 'em.

[sniffing]

Camembert confirmed.

You have violated
our honor code.

Be gone or I'll be forced

to call in the L-Lost and Found

Special Beret Police Force
Squad Cops.

They're real.

Thank you, D.D.

You prevented a travesty
of Lost and Found justice.

I know, right?

So... how long until
the 60 days are up

and the skates
are park property?

60 more days.

They were turned in
15 minutes ago.

[sighing]: Yeah.
Feels like I've known

these little rolly boys

-for a lifetime.
-[squeaking]

PHILLIP: We have to find
the owner of the skates.

I know it, you know it.

Uh...

I know it, you know it.

Uh...

D.D.

Okay, okay.

But how?

Uh, what are we doing here?

I read that some police
departments enlist psychics

to help solve mysteries.

Why? I can't say,
but we're out of options.

Oh, it's like one of those

"But what if it works so we
gotta try" situations.

Well, it...

MADAME AUBERGINE:
I sense you are standing there

like a bump and an egg
on a log.

PHILLIP:
Greetings, Madame Aubergine.

My associate and I...

D.D.: Have a few questions
about your qualifications.

Quick. What's my favorite color?

Plaid.

That's not a color.

[gasps]
But you might be right.

Okay, what's my favorite food?

Ketchup, right out
of the bottle.

Okay, how about this?

If a mind reader reads

another mind reader's mind,

whose mind is she reading?

[laughs sinisterly]

Why don't we move on?

We're wondering
if you might be able

to help locate
the owner of these.

-[gasps] Get rid of them.
-PHILLIP: We're trying to.

D.D.:
Whoa, what did you see?

They'll cause nothing but pain

to those who come near them.

Hearts will be broken.

We were hoping for something

like a blurred face,
a license plate,

part of an address,

and mystery solved.

Be gone!

PHILLIP: The police probably go
to a different psychic.

Okay, I'm gonna lay it
on the line, Phillip.

Give 'em to me.

We're perfect together.

They're my soul skates.

D.D., you're being selfish.

The owner's not coming back.

We've been abandoned.

What if they do come back?

How would they feel if we'd
given their skates away?

-What about the rule?
-Uh, what rule?

"Finders keepers,
losers weepers."

It's in the Declaration
of Independence.

You should know that.

Um, I don't think that's...

Then what about
the rule of friendship?

Don't I deserve more than
whatever person

who can't keep track
of their stuff?

Doesn't my 100% reunion rate
mean anything to you?

It really doesn't.

Let it go.

[sighs]

I've never told anyone this,
D.D.

In my smaller time,

I loved playing cards.

52 Pickup. Hooray!

49, 50, 51...

51...

I lost a card.

I never found that two of clubs,

but I made a vow.

I'd do everything in my power
to prevent others

from going through the pain
I went through.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I didn't know.

Those cards were special because
they were the only thing

that your grandfather
gave you before he...

What? No?

It was a regular deck.

I found it in a drawer.

Okay, wait.

You turned your life upside down

for any old two of clubs?

The point isn't the importance
of the cards.

It's that the deck
was incomplete.

That would bother anyone.

Nope, not me.
[smacking lips]

See? Mouth not dry.

Code violation!

D.D.:
I'm sorry, Phillip! I have to!

[panting]:
D.D. Get back here.

♪

Pardon me.

Emergency!

May I borrow your trekking pole?

Bat!

[kids gasping]

-Whoa, whoa. [grunts]
-[kids laugh]

Ah. D.D. Let go.

Come on.

Oh, my...

They're mine now.

[grunts]

Hey, I said those were mine now.

[motor starts]

That is one exceptional raccoon.

As my nemesis... oh, hey,
you're my nemesis now...

we should team up
and get those skates

like they did
in Secretary of Skate Three.

[scoffs]

No. Skate, skate, skate.

-Wh...
-Maybe it's for the best.

Madame Aubergine's
phony baloney prediction

wasn't so phony
or baloney after all.

The skates brought nothing
but heartache.

They came between
our friendship.

Yeah. I'm sorry about breaking

your perfect person-and-thing
reunion record.

But you helped me
start a new one.

The Phillip-and-D.D.,
you-and-me reunion record.

100% success rate.

Come on. Let's head back
to the Lost and Found.

My official Lost and Found
Administrator badge!

We'll find it.

No, it's only a badge.

I can make another one.

Listen to you.

I believe this is what they call
personal growth.

[pigeons coo]

♪ Skate, skate

♪ Cool lookin' skate

♪ Skate, skate

♪ Cool lookin' skate, girl

♪ Oh, whatevs, oh, whatevs

♪ Oh, whatevs, just give 'em

♪ Sort of, sort of

♪ Reddish-orange, yellow, blue

♪ Greenish-purple

♪ Skate, skate, skate,
skate, skate ♪

-RUELLE: Yeah.[laughs]
-♪ Skate, skate

-♪ Skate, skate, skate
-RUELLE: Yeah, not.

♪ Skate, skate, skate, skate

♪ Oh, whatevs, whatevs,
just give 'em. ♪

RUELLE:
I'll do that one again.

MAN:
Well, look at you.