Danger & Eggs (2015-2017): Season 1, Episode 6 - Pete Peril/PhillipCon - full transcript

-[clucks] -♪ A kid, an egg,
a park, they do stuff ♪

MAN: But there's...
there's more to it than that.

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

-Sort of like a... just...
-Aah! Butterflies.

-Kind of, sort of, just,
you know. -Huh?

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

♪ Ah... it's called
Danger & Eggs.♪

♪

D.D.?

Excuse me, has anyone seen D.D.?

-D.D.?
-[plane flies overhead]



♪

♪ It's the mayor!

[Mayor groans, crowd gasps]

I'm all right, I'm all right.

[over P.A.]: Thanks to
Body Bash Armor, I'm all right.

Now, you know
I wouldn't tell you

what kind of armor
to buy, right?

But Body Bash Armor

is sponsoring the biggest
event in the history

-of Chickenpaw Park. -[fireworks
explode, crowd cheers]

D.D.'s missing the mayor
in body armor?

MAYOR: Legendary stunt person
Pete Peril

will jump his rocket cycle

over our topiary garden.



By doing so,

he will beat the previous
world record, held by, uh...

[gasps]

D.D.'s father.

Uh, somebody before.
Uh, well, it won't matter.

Uh, please welcome the daredevil

who takes it to the next level,

-Pete Peril!
-♪

It's me, the celebrity
who laughs at gravity.

[fireworks shooting]

"Doorbell broken.

Blow horn."

[inhales deeply]

[playing jazz melody]

D.D., what are you doing here?

Uh, I live here.

I missed you in the park.

It had everything you loved.

First, the mayor
jumped from a plane,

and, oh, uh...

As the interim guesser
of nonverbal communication,

I am guessing you missed
Pete Peril's record-setting

announcement on purpose.

I'm guessing you want
to talk about it?

[sighs]
Father's rocket jump record

is the last unbeaten record

from generations
of the Daring Dangers.

[TV turns on]

-♪
-My great-great-aunts, Betty

and... other Betty.

War heroes. 25 records.

[crash]

[projector clicking]

PHILLIP:
Your great-great-great-grandma,

Eudora Danger.

[crash]

And we can't forget about

old Obadaiah Absolom Danger.

Basically invented crashing.

[crash]

If Pete Peril
breaks Dad's record,

all the Dangers' achievements
will be forgotten.

Certainly they'll be
remembered by you.

I have to stop it, but how?

Sabotage.

I'll replace his tires
with bad tires.

I'll make his gears sad.

I'll put bread on his seat
and he'll have to sit in bread.

D.D., wait!

Sabotage is clearly marked
on my list of things

-we should never do.
-I know.

Why does it have to be
Pete Peril?

Dad and Pete used to be
best friends.

But in all these
body-cast years,

Pete's never visited, not once.

He broke the sacred bond
of friendship.

[gasps]

A bond stronger
than strong glue.

But even if we have
very deep feelings,

the stunt is going to happen...
the mayor said so.

Gasp!
The mayor.

All right, okay.

Nobody is taking the record
from my dad.

We're finding the mayor.

Or we find Pete Peril
and talk to him instead.

Direct-conflict management.

The time for whatever
you just said is over.

Let's stop that jump.[croaks]

Rare butterflies need not
live in fear, Frog.

D.D., hello.

You just missed
a peacemaker in action.

Aah!

Butterflies.

Your Honor, we need to talk
about the jump.

Yes we can hire you as
a Body Bash T-shirt worker!

Phillip, too.

Metal, shield me from their
tiny thought beams.

Chickenpaw Park is a quiet place

for people to experience nature,

like these, uh, butterflies.

But not rocket cycling.

I hear you, and I validate
your concerns.

But I think the park
users can handle it,

-thanks to you.
-Me?

Folks who come to this park
are used to a little noise.

[leaf blower whirring]

[cymbals crashing,
clarinet tootling]

[clearing throat]

[sustaining high operatic note]

[all howling]

Thank you, D.D., for all
the energy you bring.

That jay looks like
it's up to no good.

Security! Code blue!

Protect the rare butterfly
from the common bird.

We take endangered animal
protection very seriously.

Hmm.

[gobbling]

Keep it down.
No wonder you're endangered.

D.D., I disapprove.

You can't put these birds here.

Pete Peril is about to do
his death-defying jump.

Exactly.

The Yakima needle beak turkey
must be protected.

The mayor's into that.
She'll have to cancel the jump.

I thought turkeys
were the gentlest of birds.

Uh, needle beaks.

Go on, explore your new home.

Put down roots.

Learn checkers or chess.

Rescue a dog.

Do some people watching.

Event calendar
posted Wednesdays.

I think they get it, D.D.

Don't look at me like that.

I got you out of Yakima. Ouch!

Hey, Phillip,
they're endangering me!

I'll protect you
with this shield,

made from the Do Not Climb
on the Topiaries sign.

Ooh.

And while
these rare and noble birds

choose to peck
their beaks in our garden,

tonight's rocket jump
is canceled.

[crowd booing]

Now, now,
let's not focus on negativity.

Now, Mayor, nobody cares
about endangered hoobledeehaa

more than old Pete.

But I ain't a-gonna
do 'em any harm.

I'm gonna jump a-right over 'em.

I'm sorry, but it's just
too risky for the Yakimas.

That's why I had Body Bash

design protective armor...
for turkeys!

The jump is back on.

Body Bash is my favorite, but
that does not look squish-proof.

Every precaution has been taken.

Well, you tried hard, D.D.

It's not too late
to talk to Pete.

Maybe you can make things right
between him and your dad.

Yeah. Yeah, my dad.

[squawks]

There you are,
fellow T-Shirt flinger.

Ready to give 'em some shirt?

I'm happy you took this job
and are taking it so seriously.

I swapped out the Body Bash
T-shirts for these.

"Remember Roy Danger."

A noble sentiment,

and one that you should
definitely express

-to Pete Peril.
-D.D.: Uh-huh.

Well, in the meantime,
these T-shirts

aren't gonna shoot themselves.

You're right.
Because I lowered the pressure

on my T-shirt cannon.

Now they're going
to float gently.

[grunting]

[grunting, groaning]

Phillip, buddy, you're not gonna
like this sabotage.

But this is my last chance
to save Dad's record.

Well, now, if it's off
by even a gnat's eyelash,

I ain't a-gonna
get the distance.

I'll skid up, hightail,

probably bounce and flatten
way down yonder there

in that dang garden and
get treated like a pin cushion

by those crazy birds up there.

That'll do her, Dale.

Ten clicks
ought to do the trick.

MAYOR:
This is the moment.

Please, welcome the luminary
who's out of the ordinary,

the superstar you
won't let borrow your car...

because he'll wreck it...

Pete Peril!

Hey, Peril!

It's Pete Peril.

And, uh, what can I do?
You want me

-to autograph your face?
-I'm D.D. Danger.

Last of the Daring Dangers.

Danger?
Roy Danger's little tadpole?

Yeah.

And I want to tell you,
before you bomb this,

that you're an awful man.

You were my dad's best friend
and you never visited.

Did Old Roy say something?

Well, his jaw is wired shut.

But I know how he feels.

Uh, well,
you got it plumb wrong.

You see, us stunt folks
have a code.

If one of us crashes out, it's
bad luck to hang out with them.

Now, Roy knows this.

He'd do the same if the biker
boot was on the other foot.

Well, he didn't say, but...

Well, you said his jaw
was wired shut.

But you should know that I've
never stopped caring about Roy.

He's the bravest man I know,
my best friend,

-my hero.
-D.D.: Wow.

Well, would you wear this
on your jump?

Well, I did make my own,
but let's stack them shirts.

-[snarling] -Back.
Please, everyone remain calm.

Jackals of shirts.

Phillip, You were right.

Pete had a good reason
for snubbing my dad.

Stunt Code
trumps Friendship Code.

"Stunt Code."

[gasps]

The jump! I forgot all about it.

Don't worry. There's still time
to get to our seats.

No. You don't understand.

-I lowered the take-off ramp.
-[gasps] Sabotage.

This is someone's safety
we're talking about.

How could you
purposefully risk that?

I'm... don't know.

I went too far.

We have to save him.

That's all I need to hear.

[engine revving]

-PHILLIP: Ooh, ooh!
-D.D.: Pete!

-Stop!
-There is a problem.

I'll fix the ramp.

You slow him down.

Security, code egg.

Get off my face.

I can't see where I'm going.

[Phillip grunting]

-[gobbling]
-[screams]

[engine revving]

D.D.:
Eight, nine, ten clicks.

Perfect.

-[crunches]
-[audience gasping]

[shouts]

Body Bash.

Strong enough to save
a turkey from a falling car.

[muffled yelling]

Aw.

-Look at that.
-Huh.

D.D.:
Best friends again.

[laughs]

Good one, Dad.

I think he's thirsty.

[muffled yelling]

Socks, water.
Let's keep these separate.

More socks.

Phillip.
[pants]

Today is your big day.

How excited are you?

Seven socks excited. Whoa.

PhillipCon. It's so awesome.

There's a whole convention
for people named Phillip.

It's the 387th
most popular name.

"Phillip, Phillip, Phillip..."

Oh, there it is.
There's your name.

"This year, PhillipCon honors
one extraordinary Phillip

as Phillip of the Year."

-Phillip.
-It's an honor to be honored.

Plus, the award
will be given to me

by the founder of PhillipCon,
Phillip Phillips.

Look, goose bumps.

You deserve 'em.

Too bad you're
not named Phillip.

It would be great
to have you there.

Yeah, it'll be a hard thing
for me to miss, so... surprise!

D.D., that seal is embossed.

You changed your name
to Phillip for me?

For us.
I want to see you on that stage

honored by all those Phillips
for all your Phillipness.

-You'll be a great Phillip.
-Right?!

Look, I already found
a backup sock.

Um...

Oh, welcome to PhillipCon.

Here are maps and schedules
of all events,

and here's a map and schedule

pointing to these
maps and schedules.

-Which do I take?
-All of them.

Maps and schedules keep
our outsides organized

so our insides are relaxed.

Oh, no bag?

No need, fellow Phillip.

I can fit everything
in these bad boys.

[gasps]
Oh.

Never seen a Phillip enter
without a bag before.

Um, we may have a problem.

Phillip, look.

Oh, you're with
the Phillip of the Year.

Um, yeah.

No problems.

You, it's an honor to meet you.

It's an honor to be honored.

[gasps] Our people.

[horse neighs in distance]

Did you hear a horse, too?

Do Phillips develop
super hearing

that can pick up farmland?

Not at all. Horses are here.

Phillip is derived
from the Greek, Philippos,

which means "friend of horses."

[whinnies]

Nice. Now that I'm a Phillip,

I can be all,
"Let's be friends, horse!"

Sleepover?

Well, it doesn't
exactly work that way,

but with plenty of practice...

[horse whinnies]

Horse, buddy, please,
remain calm.

-[horse whinnies]
-D.D., wait.

[people gasp]

-Don't worry. I've got this.
-[neighs]

Horse, just get to know me.

-[neighs]
-Oh, sorry, stone guy.

Oh. Ah.

Did that Phillip call
this a "stone guy"?

She meant Philip II of Macedon,

father of Alexander the Great.

Wherever there's greatness,

there's usually a Phillip
semi-related to it.

But, D.D., please.

Slow...

[horse neighs]

...down.

This horse is
now totally simmered.

Am I a natural Phillip or what?

By Butter Man's churn!

Whoa, Phillip. You mixed horses
with comic books.

[gasps] This gives me an idea.

No, no, it's just a mess.

She didn't mean to do anything
that un-Phillip-like.

Hey, I know you.

You're Phillip of the Year.

It's an honor to be honored.

Mm-hmm.

So, this little Phillip
is with you?

Keep an eye on her.

She's rather loud for a Phillip.

Phillips can be loud.
All like,

"Wait.
Everyone, please remain calm."

Don't worry. This Phillip and I
have a system.

I look out for her

-and she looks out for... D.D.!
-[D.D. gasps]

D.D.:
A Phillip-themed gift shop.

"D.D."? Hmm.

Ooh. Oh. Foam finger poke.

D.D., you know that I enjoy
your colorful personality,

but do you think
that you could try

and act a little more Phillip-y?

[whispering]:
Phillips are staring.

Sorry. Uh, I-I guess
maybe just tell me

exactly what I need to do
and I-I'll do it.

Well, I can't tell you exactly.

We want each Phillip to be
unique but still Phillip.

Sure.

I-I can try
to be, uh, Philliper.

I'm as hungry as a horse.

[horse neighs]

I'll have one double order
of fries topped with ketchup,

mustard, cheese, chili,
chili-cheese, smaller fries,

and antacid tablets, please.

What?

Hmm, that's un-Phillip-like,
isn't it?

[clears throat]

I will have fries, lightly
salted, with honey mustard.

But if that's all
a Phillip can order,

why are there so many options?

Not every Phillip is the same.

We each have
a topping of choice.

Then why can't my topping
of choice be everything?

Phillips prefer to stick
to a single topping.

It's an unspoken rule
that we tell each other.

Some may call this
peer pressure.

We call it community.

But who gets to decide
what Phillips prefer?

[speaker chimes]

MAN [over P.A.]:
Attention, all Phillips.

Phillip Phillips honoring
Phillip is about to begin.

You go. I'll bring your fries.

-[crowd cheering]
-Oh.

One "L" Philip
or two "L" Phillip?

One L's standard,
two's pretty fun,

but check it.
Seven Ls.

-Yep. It's unnatural.
-Oh, this is absurd.

If Philip of Macedon
were alive today, he'd...

Hmm. It's a typo.

No, no, no. I wanted
the perfect number of Ls.

-When I changed my name
earlier today... -[all gasp]

...I figured I might as well
go all out.

Hold your Phillips.

You just changed your name?

Yep. Is that dedication or what?

I... um... I-I want to see
my friend win his award,

so I'll, uh...

Phillip called her a "D.D."

She isn't Phillip enough.
Everyone knew it.

There's no D.D.s on my
Phillip list. Can't let you in.

Ugh, I've been trying
to fit into this system here,

but all I see is people
judging each other.

If you're not gonna
let me in, I'll...

I'll start my own
D.D. convention.

And anyone can come

and spell D.D. with however
many Ds they want.

Oh, and please give
Phillip his fries.

A-And tell him that I'm sorry
for missing his big moment.

-She talking to me?
-No.

-Did you order fries? -Maybe.
-No. -Who is she talking to?

Hello!

I'm Phillip Phillips.

How are all my fellow
Phillips feeling?

Whew. PhillipCon.

What a year.

I have a special surprise
to unveil.

[gasps] D.D. loves surprises,

especially when there's
a dramatic unveiling.

[laughing]:
Ooh-ooh.

After convincing a lot, a lot
of pregnant people... whew...

I am ecstatic to announce
the name "Phillip"

has moved up two spots
in popularity.

Welcome to number 385.

[cheering, whooping]

Now, some have called this year
an uphill battle for Phillips.

Well, I'm here to tell you
that that battle is over.

S-Say, are these your fries?

I've asked every Phillip.

Yes. Uh, but I was expecting
my friend to bring them.

Oh! Your friend.

I think she was the one

we Phillips decided
shouldn't be here.

You know how she wasn't
Phillip enough?

She said sorry to miss it
or something.

D.D.

As I was saying,

let's welcome
our Phillip of the Year...

Phillip!

[audience cheers]

All the Phillips are
waiting for you, Phillip.

[clears throat]

It's an honor to be honored...
or so I thought.

[microphone feedback screeches]

When I was smaller,
I didn't like my name.

It didn't feel special
or interesting enough.

Then, I found PhillipCon
and I met Phillips of all kinds.

I felt part
of something special.

I now introduce myself
with pride.

Hello. My name is Phillip.

-Me, too!
-Phillip! Yeah!

-[cheering]
-Hi, Phillip.

Today, I brought my best friend.

She came here as excited
as any Phillip,

but her Phillipness
was a little different.

And you... we...
didn't welcome that.

Why can't we struggle
with horses?

Or run around?

Or have her one choice
of toppings be every topping?

What makes that less Phillip
than the rest of us?

Why can't Phillipness
change and grow?

I'm so ashamed to be
a Phillip right now.

I... I'd rather just
be called... Phil.

-[all gasp]
-Oh, no.

Some days I wake up from a dream
where I was clearly a Gregory.

I wish I could bring
all my kids here,

but only six of them
are named Phillip.

I like everything on fries,
and horses are my sworn enemy.

[horse neighs]

[audience cheering]

Hey, hey, hey,

welcome to the convention
of magnificent D.D.s.

Uh, give me a "D." All right!

Give me another "D."
What does that spell?

Wait. D.D.?

Or "D" and also "D"?

This isn't the Danger
and Dragons convention?

Oh.

No, wait.
We can do dragon stuff.

We're, uh, inclusive here
at D.D. Con.

[groans]

PHILLIP:
Would you include me?

Phillip,
what are you doing here?

You're supposed
to be getting honored

for your Phillipness right now.

It's an honor to be honored...

as a D.D.

Aw.

I'll be the best D.D. I can be.

Aw. Let's not put a label on it.

Let's just be.

From now on, refer to me as...

[snaps fingers]
...Snaps Danger.

Interesting.

What if we had no names at all?

Hello, my name is...
[exhales loudly]

Ooh. Blink eight times and
I'll know you're talking to me.

I'd like to be called
"Smell of Rain."

My identity will
only be revealed

to those who wish
upon a mystery.

Ooh, ooh, I got one.

♪ Horses are here

-♪ H-H-Horses, h-h-horses
-[horse neighs]

♪ Horses are here

♪ H-H-Horses, h-h-horses

[horse snorts, whinnies]

[horse whinnies]

[horse neighing and snorting
rhythmically]

♪ Philippos

♪ Friend of horses

♪ Philippos

♪ Horses are here

♪ H-H-Horses, h-h-horses

-♪ H-H-Horses.
-[horse whinnies, snorts]

MAN:
Well, look at you.