Danger & Eggs (2015-2017): Season 1, Episode 12 - The Big Z/Trix Blixon - full transcript

-[clucks] -♪ A kid, an egg,
a park, they do stuff ♪

MAN: But there's...
there's more to it than that.

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

-Sort of like a... just...
-Aah! Butterflies.

-Kind of, sort of, just,
you know. -Huh?

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

♪ Ah... it's called
Danger & Eggs.♪

Come on, Phillip,
it's like you said,

the only way to truly be
a complete safety warden

is to experience
the danger of these stunts.

Uh, are you sure that was me?



[chuckles] It doesn't sound
like something I'd say.

PHILLIP [over recording]:
The only way to truly be

a complete safety warden
is to experience

the danger of these stunts.

Still, that does
not prove that...

My name is Phillip, and D.D.
is allowed to record this

in case I try to back out.

[sighs]

Okay, I'll do it.

PHILLIP [on recording]: I knew
you'd make the right choice, me.

Come on, Phillip,
don't be afraid, you got this.

Come on, Phillip.

You maybe, s-sort of,
kind of got this.

Oh, oh!



[grunting]

Ooh! Ouch!

-That hurt.
-Phillip, you okay?

I guess I'm never destined
to be a complete safety warden.

Hmm, there's something squishy
under these leaves.

Like water balloons,
or cheese pizzas.

Nope, wait, it's balloons
full of cheese pizza.

Cushions, in the middle
of Featherweight Field?

"Z." Perhaps left
by the ancient Zaztecs.

[gasps]

No.

That's a Z as in zip line.

Gasp.

Phillip, this is The Big Z!

It can't be.

One of the Eight Thrilling
Wonders of Chickenpaw Park.

It's as fabled
as the Tube of Pain,

the House of Stampeding Bowels,

the Seven Cliffs of Grief...

Phillip, I have to find
where it starts and ride it.

So I shall conquer
my second of eight Wonders.

As temporary, incomplete
safety warden,

I shall accompany you
to warden your safety.

But not ride it.
Ever, ever.

Times a million.

That's two million evers.

[caws]

[D.D. grunting]

[camera clicks]

Adhesive bandages for feet.

Legs.

Fronts.

Backs. Check.

Safety checklist.

Survival checklist.

Checklist checklist.

-Check.
-Come on, come on, come on!

I'm missing something.

Oh, did you bring
your asthma inhaler?

Check.

Now can we go?

It's the Big Z, not the Big...
[snores]

Z...

9:12 a.m.,

our adventure began.

After I made my journal entry.

Done. Done.

Here it is.

Zip line.

-[bell chimes]
-On the trail.

Ooh, found it.

It's over here. There it is.

Spotted it, yeah.

I see it.

Ooh, ah-ha.

PHILLIP: [gasps]
The Wild Woods.

The last place
in Chickenpaw Park

with no public restrooms.

We have to get across.

Any chance you packed a bridge?

[gasps]

Look, paddleboats for rent.

Excuse me, boat monger,

will you take payment
in adhesive bandages?

Look at that shiny box, hmm?

Or perhaps
I could build you a...

Here's... money.

Where did you get that?

Well, I guess
we're good and done, then?

Okay?

Thank you.

[panting]

Presenting my trusty bushpusher.

So I can find my way back down.

[clears throat]

Did I mention that I'm not...

"Not riding the zip line"?

Yeah, how many times
have you said that?

-57 times.
-You know you can just follow

the zip line back, right?

Oh, yeah.

In that case, I won't need
these bread crumbs, ribbons,

sign posts, trail-marking paint,
or beacons,

-[exhales sharply]
-[beacon beeps]

Travel journal, hour two.

So far, no bathroom break
has been needed.

But I better stop
thinking about it

-[water running]
-right... now.

Phillip, my inhaler?

10:51, D.D.
has a slight asthma attack.

-[beeps]
-[inhales]

[sighs]

[inhales, moans]

[beeps]

Uh-oh.

Luck of all lucks,
we had her inhaler,

or else we'd have to turn back.

The asthma inhaler:
nature's manmade air supply.

[inhales, exhales]

All good, let's go.

[laughs]

Look, another zip line.

And another.

Those aren't zip lines.

They're vines!

How do we know which one's
the Big Z versus the Big V?

The "V" is for vines.

Did you get that?

That's something I did.

The zip line is just zippier.

There!

[panting]

Curse you... zippy vine.

[wheezing]

What's that sound?

Um, I'm just whistling.

[wheezing, whistling]

Ah, the key of G.

-[whistling]
-[whistling, wheezing]

Um, maybe we should double back.

[wheezing]:
Too far.

I think the zip line
is that way.

[whistling]

[wheezing]

D.D, you're a little
out of tune.

It's more like this...

[inhales, plays pitch pipe]

[wheezing]

D.D., you're not out of tune.

That's asthma!

Where's the inhaler?

Don't bother, Phillip.

I accidentally gave you
an empty one to pack.

Empty? Far from home,
in the middle of the woods,

no way to get help empty?

[wheezes]

No, I'm fine, look:
D.D. Danger,

athletically awesome.

CHILD:
Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy.

Fellow Asthmas,
let's take this girl down.

Stop her
from pursuing her dreams.

I just want to break her heart.

[wheezing]

D.D.?

That's it, we're going back.

D.D.:
Maybe we try that way?

If we can just get up there,

maybe we can spot the clock
tower and see which way to go.

Sorry, Phillip.

[wheezes]
Just need a...

moment.

PHILLIP:
Stick! Adhere!

Hang on.

[panting]

[wheezing]

Phillip?

[panting]

[D.D. wheezing]

You know what bums me the most?

I'm D.D. Danger.

I thought... I'm unstoppable.

But everyone can be stopped.

D.D., I'm your safety warden.

I thought
I could always protect you.

But I'm also stopped.

[sniffles, blows nose]

Phillip, look.

PHILLIP:
The Big Z.

It's the fastest way...

back home.

Just strap me in,
I can do this.

D.D., you are in no condition.

Yeah.

But you are.

Bring back help.

No way, I will never
leave you behind.

Um... okay.

[grunts]

[moans]

I just have to hold on...

for life.

Don't be afraid, Phillip.

You got this.

I got this.

[screaming]

Wow, D.D.,
this is almost pleasant.

What was I so afraid of?

Oh.

That.

[screaming]

[grunting]

Hold your breath!

Sorry, that was insensitive.

[both inhale]

PHILLIP: If you have an inhaler,
meet me at Featherweight Field!

This is not a test,
this is asthma!

Need inhaler, meet us
at Featherweight Field.

Featherweight Field... ugh.
Asthma attack!

Featherweight Field.
Need inhaler for D.D.

Hang on, D.D.!

D.D.

D.D.!

Aw, you need an inhaler?

-You need an inhaler?
-I've got one.

You can have mine.

[gasps]

[exhales]

[inhales, exhales]

Are you okay?

You did it,
you conquered a stunt.

Yeah.

How un-me-like.

Not anymore.

Thanks for being
my complete safety warden.

Check.

Next time,
we bring three inhalers.

So, about next time...

Ready to ride again?

[Phillip whimpers]

I've waited forever to complete
the extreme obstacle run.

This time,
no Tube of Distractions.

Can I get a "zoom-zoom"?

Zoom-zoom!

[blowing whistle]

Hold your zooms
while I triple-check

where the next barricade cone
needs to go.

We got this.
Remember, first,

I'll jump over this bench,

then I'll hurdle some dogs.

Seven.

Then slide through
those squirrels,

climb a construction worker,
then take one bite of ice cream

and jump through
a ring of fire!

A ring of fire in the snow?

That would be the safest place
for a ring of fire.

I love flamin' stuff.

Perhaps a ring of ice.

With frozen water hazards
and additional slippage,

we need to winterize
the extreme obstacle run.

PHILLIP: Hot cocoa is
winter's ice cream,

and construction workers are
out of season.

I'm not picky,
I can climb over anybody.

D.D.: Elbow-sniffle guy,
too-much-eye-contact girl...

Gasp!

Trix Blixon?

You have a graceful-posture-
silhouette-

standing-tall-on-strong-calves-
without-a-hint-of-wobble

I'd recognize anywhere.

You areTrix Blixon.

[gasps]: Uh, blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Uh, she means, "I'm D.D., and
this is my friend, Phillip."

Nice to meet a fan.

Blah blah blah
blah blah blah.

[gasps] The star of
Secretary of Skate Ithrough IV

is standing in front of me,

shaking my hand in my park.

Phillip, pinch my me.

I will not.

Pinching can break
blood vessels

and lead to bruising.

Trix Blixon, your movies
got me through

the toughest time
in my life.

[soft crying nearby]

[crying and indistinct
conversation continues]

Life gets ri-dica-donk bananas
sometimes.

But the sun has to rise.

And the day it doesn't,
then, heck,

we'll just skate-dance
in the rain.

It's skating with
zero visibility,

using only your blades
and bravery to guide you.

[indistinct conversation nearby

[sighs]

Life gets ri-dica-donk bananas
sometimes.

Thanks, Trix.

[quietly]:
Thanks, Trix.

So, are you here
to blow our minds

-and make me feel whole?
-Uh, I'm on my way to Germany

to film SOS
five through seven.

But I had to stop here.

Lately, my stunts
have felt kind of blah,

missing a little zoom-zoom,

-ya know what I mean?
-I do know.

I often tour the Sad Pony
No More Psychiatric Hospital

when I feel uninspired.

Yes, it isa real place.

-They do great work.
-I'll check it out.

Anyway, when I was first
starting out,

I saw footage of this daredevil
who's from here.

It inspired me to stunt.

He did this thing

where he jumps from a plane
into a different plane,

lands that plane
on the first plane...

Which he jumps back into,
then writes poetry,

folds it into a paper plane,
and then...

-crashes all three planes
-Crashes all three planes

-into Puny Pond.
-into a pond.

That's my dad.

And that's that pond.

Whoa. Roy Danger is the best
stunt person I've ever seen.

I came here to soak up
some of his mojo.

My hero knows about
my other hero.

Trix Blixon, you want some
Danger family mojo?

Join our winter obstacle run.

Inspiring and dangerous.

Huh! Oh, well,
not too dangerous.

Heh, D.D., please.

Roy Danger's kid wants
to show me a thing or two?

Dare to dream, Blixon.

I'm in.

CHILD:
Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy.

♪

Can I get a zoom-zoom?

Zoom-zoom.

Arm sails.

I am Boat Woman.

Sure.

Presenting Phillip's

"Eagle-armed-winter-proof
wind-suit."

Gliding is Nature's
laziest flying.

[Phillip blows whistle]

Attention, please.

This is Professor
Safety Whistle.

It tells you when to start
and also when to stop.

[glass squeaks]

Skate minds...

Skate alike.

[both grunt]

-Whoo-hoo!
-Yeah!

Ramps made.

Squirrels outfitted

in slide-proofed ricochet
chute suits.

[chittering]

-And dogs stacked.
-[dogs whining]

Stay.

You're part of something bigger
than you, now.

-Better skate...
-Than never.

[Trix grunts]

[dogs bark]

[chittering]

Whoa.

Phillip, winter wind!

[gasps]
Wind.

Unseen mischief.

-Incoming.
-[squeals]

Gasp.

[dogs whine]

Clear a path, dogs.

[dogs whine and bark]

[Phillip sighs, clears throat]

Wind.

It violated the terms
of our truce.

Unfortunately,
I can no longer trust it.

[whoops]

That's what I'm talking about.

When Roy Danger's kid
says "stunts,"

-she means it.
-Aw.

If you don't mind,
I need a quick breath

before resuming safety setup.

You deserve it.

Fast reactions.

I've never felt
that safe mid-stunt.

You saved our butts.

Squirrel butts, dog butts
and human butts.

Phillip's the best.

Ask anyone.

Isn't Phillip the best?

-[chitters]
-See? Told ya.

Hey, Phillip. If I'm gonna
reinvent my stunting,

I'll need to reinvent my safety.

What do you say you make the
trek to Germany to help me out?

Me? In Deutschland?

You should always ask your
parents for permission, though.

-Mom?
-[clucks]

Phillip, huh.

A trip to Germany
with Trix Blixon.

That'd be... really something.

That's a thing... I'm fine with.

CHILD:
Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy.

♪

PHILLIP:
May I request a zoom-zoom?

Zoom-zoom!

Uh, funny story,
true story for very sure.

Um, I'm also obsessed
with all things safety.

I'm always like "check this,

"and check that,
uh, check everything.

Never stop checking."

-Um...
-D.D.: Yeah, yeah.

I mean, stunts are fine,
but safety is the jelly

in my jelly and jelly sandwich.

Wait till you do the rest
of the obstacle course.

It's even more bananas-safe.

Thanks to me... and Phillip.

-[D.D. blows whistle]
-D.D.!

You have not been
properly trained

with Professor Safety Whistle.

[whistles again]

D.D.!

No matter the season,

arm strain is still no...

No laughing matter.

Uh.

I see you, wind.

This starting angle will give
Trix the momentum she needs

-to finish the course.
-[blows whistle]

♪

Hard left.

You'll catch air while avoiding
the big gusts.

D.D.:
Yeah, and, uh,

keep straight
and straighter, too.

Don't do wrong stuff.

Now we set these
tree bumper springs

to help her gain speed.

So this is what you do
when I'm stunting?

It's cool, I guess.

Whoo-hoo!

I got my zoom-zoom back.

♪

[grunts]

That was awesome!

-And cozy-cocoa-y.
-[bell rings]

Yeah, looked like it.

You guys are the coolest,
safetiest team ever.

Hey, Dee, if Roy says it's okay,

you want to come
to Germany, too?

Would I?

Phillip, we're gonna
safety it up with Trix Blixon.

Can I get a...
[blows whistle]

D.D., Professor Safety Whistle
is not a toy.

We don't know if we're
stopping or starting.

I'm sure Dad will be
super excited and proud of me.

Yep, a little life of safety
in Germany.

Ja.

CHILD:
Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy.

[German accent]:
Check das perimeter, eins-45.

Check das perimeter,
eins-46.

Check das perimeter, eins-47.

Check the perimeter, 140...

-What am I doing?
-D.D.

You are a "checking
the perimeter" natural.

No.

N-N-N-N-N-N-No!

Like the Secretary of Skate said

right before she
parachute-skated

off the Eiffel Tower,

-"Skaters gonna skate."
-Wait.

The course is not set
for this direction.

Fweet. Fweet.

And she still has
Professor Safety Whistle.

Never thought to stunt
in reverse.

Now this I gotta see.

♪

[slurps]

Fweet, fweet. D.D.!

Slow down until
the bumpers are set.

Fweet!

♪

[dogs bark]

[panting]

Skating with zero visibility.

[inhales]

I did it.

Using only your blades

and bravery to guide you.

D.D., zero visibility is not

on my list
of approved visibilities.

[panting]:
Only 70-100% visibility,

crystal clear un-fogged.

I thought it was sananabs.

That's bananas backwards.

My words exactly.

Except I don't think
I can say that word.

Sn... snanabas...
sanabasas.

I couldn't help myself.

Safety stuff
is great for Phillip,

but it doesn't give me
the zoom-zoom at all.

Stunting, like stuff you do,
is in my blood.

[sigh] Have fun hanging out
with my idol without me.

I'm not going to Germany.

-You're not?
-You're not?

I wouldn't leave you.

You're my best friend

and I'm best here.

Phillip, you definitely
need to stay

and keep checking the perimeter
for this one.

She really lives up
to the Danger name.

Thanks, Trix.

Well, I have to zoom and zoom
or I'll miss my plane.

Listen, I want to shoot
the whole movie backwards.

One big stunt.
We'll call it "The D.D."

Keep the wind suit.

Maybe add buffers
to these areas.

And it's a movie,
so do a real ring of fire!

-I love flaming stuff.
-♪

TRIX:
♪ You think you know

♪ But you have n-n-n-no idea

♪ I don't negotia-skate

♪ Negotia-skate

♪ Nobody skates Baby
into a corner ♪

♪ You messed
with the wrong girl ♪

♪ Friend-o

♪ Friend-o, oh-oh

♪

♪ Skaters gonna skate

♪ Skaters gonna
skate ♪

♪ Skaters gonna skate

[laughs]

♪ You thought I'd have more
things to say ♪

♪ But I don't.

MAN:
Well, look at you.