Danger & Eggs (2015-2017): Season 1, Episode 11 - Chill Twins/Nightmare - full transcript

-[clucks] -♪ A kid, an egg,
a park, they do stuff ♪

MAN: But there's...
there's more to it than that.

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

-Sort of like a... just...
-Aah! Butterflies.

-Kind of, sort of, just,
you know. -Huh?

♪ It's kind of hard to explain

♪ Ah... it's called
Danger & Eggs.♪

D.D. AND PHILLIP:
♪ Quick History!

BOTH:
Three, two, one, go!

[with Southern accent]:
I don't want any more bowls

of dust grits, Pa.
My belly's loaded!



[with Southern accent]:
If you want strong milkin' arms,

you better finish your dust!

How about... Ugh.

[formally]: A whole penny
for this loaf of bread?

You're mad, sir!

[with Southern accent]:
I'm washin'. Wait!

It's the McRiver gang
comin' to take our stuff.

[quietly]:
Our good stuff!

-Skedaddle!
-Run!

Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip...

-[phone beeps]
-Lydia, final measurement.

-It's one... small house.
-D.D.: Clip-clop, clip-clop.

-Clip-clop, clip-clop,
clip-clop. -Hire a wrecking ball

to flatten
that exact amount of house.



-Gasp.
-Pardon me.

Did I hear you say something
about flattening

this treasured
historical landmark?

It's not historical.

Nothing important's
ever happened here.

What? This was
a suffragette saw mill,

a-a butter-churning factory.

I mean, yeah, Phillip
and I made that stuff up,

but it's ourimagination,
and it's real.

Well, in my imagination,
I see a parking lot,

and it's flat
and full of paying cars.

Money!

Money to buy three yachts.

Already named them...
Boat One, Boat Two and Boat...

You will notget away with this!

Countless members of the
community love the Old House.

The Pigeon Lady,
the Ice Cream Boy...

Don't even get us started!

Nope, that was the whole list.

Ha! When people try to stop me,
I stop them first.

-Well, I'm certain...
-JIM: Stop!

I see what you did there,
but I'm putting a stop to you

-stopping us from stopping you.
-[phone chimes]

As a member of
the Young Statespersons' Club,

I call upon Rule 987-dash-3!

"When the historical status
of a landmark is challenged,

it shall be put
to a community vote."

You, sir,
will have zeroyachts.

And I'llname them.

Boats Zero!
Oh, yeah!

We will make sure the park
residents neverlet you

pave over the Old House.
You'll see.

-Here.
-[man grunts]

-Flyer. Here.
-[groans]

-You can have this.
-Mm.

Phillip, I'm angry!

I believe I am, too, D.D.

The first rule of politics is,
turn your anger into passion

and work hard to get people

to take these
"Save the Old House" flyers.

Aw, you can count on myvote.

Yes! Thank you.

Passion works, Phillip!

Do you love pretending
to churn butter?

Here, take this.

[fanfare plays]

Good passion, D.D.

But remember: the second rule
of politics is relatability.

Having a message that matches
a person's own life.

Good day, possible grandfather.

Do you ever worry
about being old

-and someone tearing you down?
-Huh?

Yeah, anyway, thought you'd want
to vote to save the Old House.

No, thank you.

I only vote for stuff
about sandwiches.

[munching]

Ugh! We related to him wrong!

Always make it
about sandwiches. Hmm.

Hey, vote for an old place
to eat sandwiches!

I... hate... bread.

Ugh. We have to get into
people's heads, get relatable.

Theyhave heads!

Now, everyone, relax your bodies
and flop down.

The Crumpling Leaf.
Be the leaf.

Now wiggle
and scratch at your armpits.

This is the Itchy Monkey.

Ooh, sweet moves!

I'm relating to you
by saying this.

Aw, thank you. That's sweet.

-Yup. I'm Sweet.
-Rad.

-Hi.
-Sweet and Rad.

Well, we'd love you to make
a sweet move by voting for...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Stop right there.

We do notdo politics.

It's way too intense
for our vibe,

caring so much about something,

all wondering
why no one else cares.

Yeah, I waswondering
why no one else cares.

Yeah, we don't like
getting bummed out.

Better to...

BOTH:
Be chill.

[both groaning]

-JIM: Hmm.
-[beep]

Lydia, write this down.

"Be chill."

You know what the opposite
of community voting is, Lydia?

Doing nothing.

That pause was me doing nothing.

We need everyone
to "be chill."

Well, if none
of this stuff is working,

we have to come up
with something new.

Yes! Good leaders are
inspirational.

["The Star-Spangled Banner"
plays]

Four moons and seven
feathers ago, I had a thought

that people could play freely in
an old house!

There is a house,
and it is old.

Thus, history.

We must unite our voices
and vote that the history

I hope you remember
me just talking about

will never be forgotten!

Who's with me?

[squirrel chittering]

Aw, where is everybody?
No offense, Phillip.

We lost 'em at "four moons,"
but you were... amazing.

-Mmm.
-[giggling]

Well, we could move on
to the third rule of politics:

"build a coalition."

We should find an already
existing group of people

who'd like to join us.

Ooh, a team-up!

Maybe let's start with
that massive group of people.

[upbeat music playing,
bell clinks]

Oh, hey! Thanks again for
your support of the Old House.

Old House?
Oh, right.

I got distracted
with these snow cones.

Distracted?!

Did you guys get
your snow cones yet?

We spent all our money
making flyers... again.

Be chill.
They're free!

This is really helping
our movement grow.

Phillip, people really like
this "be chill" message.

Mmm. Ilike this...

"be chill" message.

After a long day
of nasty, bad rejection,

this cone of cold kisses
really hits the spot.

-Mmm.
-Mmm.

But what is the message
to "be chill" about?

-Not caring? -[people sighing,
uttering "Mmm"]

That sounds dangerous.

I think we've earned a break
for a little while.

Caring and trying to get
other people to care is hard.

-Oh. -Plus, this many people not
caring can't be wrong, right?

[people sighing
and uttering "Mmm"]

Not that long ago,

this many people thought
the Earth was flat.

They were wrong, too.

Ha! That's ridiculous.

But let's lay down and feel
that it does feel really flat.

Mmm! Look, say we don't
save the Old House.

Yeah, sure, we can't play
"Quick History" anymore,

and we lovedit,
but now we can play

"Don't Play
In The Parking Lot."

[gasps] We can't lose the
Old House by not caring, or...

Whoa, be chill.

Yeah, look at all
of those... feelings!

-[Phillip groaning] -Uh, I guess
the Chill Twins are right.

-Look at what it's doing to you.
-[Phillip whimpering]

Use your techniques.

I... I don't like
these feelings.

[panting, inhales sharply]

Observe.
Feel the air on my skin.

There you go. No anxiety.

[Phillip inhales
and exhales deeply]

Wait! No. Maybe we'll lose
the Old House vote,

but I can't live with myself
for not trying.

I, Phillip... while I make
every effort to remain calm...

am just not chill.

-Ha, give me, grab...
-[groaning]

I'm confiscating these snow
cones in the name of democracy!

If you want them,
I'll be at the Old House.

If you're okay
with it being torn down,

you should have to see it
with your own eyes.

Ugh. Who wants to see that?
Awful.

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

-[rhythmic, mechanical beeping]
-One inch

-to the right, Laverne.
-PHILLIP: Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Using my snow cones
to try to get people to come.

You're out of time.

The wrecking ball is set
to... "wreck."

Yoursnow cones?

Sure. As long
as people are distracted,

I can do whatever I want.

I bought all these cones
to make "be chill" even chiller.

People love free things, and
I didn't have to lift a muscle.

Well, you were right.

You're better at politics
than I am.

I don't know if I could even eat
another snow cone.

Definitely don't want to have

to watch the Old House
get torn down to get one.

Me, neither.
We used to do yoga there.

-Cool place.
-Yeah, it is a cool place.

I never said
one inch to the right, Laverne!

[voice breaking]:
Old House.

You sure hold
a lot of history.

[crying]

[movie projector clicking]

Surely D.D. still cares
about this place...

Laverne, make that machine
wreck!

-[vehicle revving]
-Stall, Phillip.

Wait!

I call 987-dash-3.

We will hold a vote.

Okay. Me and... Laverne.

Get down here!

We'll win.

PHILLIP: Please,
remain comfortable, Laverne.

Before the vote, it's customary
that the opposing sides debate.

Please, Laverne,
vote for who... moves you.

Ugh. Debate on!

I'm rich and powerful,
so do whatever I say.

Like Laverne.
Shedoes what I say.

-Mmm...
-PHILLIP: As statesman

Edmund Burke said,

"The only thing necessary
for the triumph of evil

is for good people
to do nothing."

I'm not evil!

I'm a man who makes decisions

so you don't have to.

So, go have a snow cone.

Snow cones... they melt in our
mouths, or in unmarked parcels

we place into holes
for the mole people.

The Old House lasted
a hundred years.

If we protect it,
it will last 100 more,

bringing new history,
new memories.

Ah, no one cares
about histories or memories.

D.D.:
I remember lotsof things!

This is where I learned
how butter's born.

-Wha...? -D.D.?
-BOTH: We like doing yoga here.

Uh... it's a great porch
to eat ice cream on.

I like looking at it
and nothing else.

[whimpering, grunts]

-[thudding]
-Follow the cart! Be chill!

We didn't come for snow cones.
We came to vote!

This takes some of the pressure
off of you, Laverne.

[rhythmic beeping]

All in favor
of tearing down the Old House?

Me! And...

-[beep] -Lydia,
if you have hands, raise one.

All in favor of making the Old
House an historical landmark?

Itchy Monkey!

And into... Voting Sloth.

MAN:
Sandwiches!

[applause and cheering]

Whoa. I-I guess politics
can be really personal

and okay to have
big feelings about.

Now I'm feeling...
McRiver Gang?

[with Southern accent]:
Get on your horse.

-[D.D. laughs]
-PHILLIP: Yeah!

-Picnic!
-Giddy-up!

-Gotcha surrounded!
-Yee-haw!

[birds chirping]

Left arm up.

A little higher.

Up, up...

Wait! Down, down...

That's close enough. Snap it.

Perfect. Dad took this picture,

then he zoomed across the lake
with his eyes closed.

I'm following in his boat steps.

The kayak has been slippery-fied
for optimal speed,

and I set up an activity
to keep the fish over there.

[fish gasping]

-[yawns]
-[gasps]

D.D., your neck seems incapable
of holding your head.

Your neck bone is broken
or you need a nap.

Oh, I'm totally fine. I...

[yawns]
I'm ready for the restless seas.

Very well. Presenting Phillip's
Paddle and Pulley System!

This will keep you
on a path free of danger.

Clasp it firmly,
with all of your strength.

I've got this.

[grunting]

[panting]

Completely understandable, D.D.!

Open water is the perfect place
to stop, be mindful,

-and consider every moment
you've lived so far. -[snoring]

Wake up, D.D.!

Or subconsciously sleep-grab
the paddle!

D.D.! There are warnings!

Oh, no. Inflatable...
if anything goes wrong with D.D.

in the lake...
friend-helping pants.

You have one job, pants.

[air releasing]

-[panting]
-Mm...

[groans, grunts]

[snorts]
Whoa, how-how fast was I?

Too fast. You fell asleep
and were nearly intaken.

Oh, well,
thanks for coming to get me.

As your Self-Appointed Personal
Safety Consultant and friend,

-you're welcome, but...
-[yawns]

Um, you always say,

"Sleep is for people
who don't know how to live."

Um, well, I'm having nightmares,

but totally typical ones.

You know, where I bolt up,

sweating
and screaming my head off,

night after night after night.

Screaming? Sweating?
Oh, that's not good.

You need a healthy night's sleep
to be alert

so what just happened
doesn't happen.

Now, tell me every single detail

of this dark
and heinous nightmare.

Well...

first,

I'm in a hospital room,

and there is a jerky doctor.

[distorted]:
Broken arm.

Need cast.

But my arm isn't broken.

And I try to bounce around her
and get out of there,

but I get stuck
in this sticky stuff.

PHILLIP:
Like a nectar?

[grunting]

D.D.
Yeah. And then I see a ladder.

PHILLIP:
Oh, good, a ladder.

No. Not good, Phillip.

Not good at all.

It's a ladder to nowhere.

Betrayed by a ladder?

Our greatest
vertical masterpiece?

D.D.: I climb and I climb.
I want to get away,

but I end up back
with Dr. Cast-Happy.

Ooh...

And this keeps happening

over and over:

cast, nectar, ladder,

cast, nectar, ladder!

Till I'm in a full body cast,

unable to move!

As a self-trained
dream interpreter,

this could be related
to your father.

Yeah, yeah, but if it were
just the doctor or the nectar

or the ladder,
I'd be able to handle it.

But all of it at once?

Keeping me from being me?

It's a dimension beyond terror.

D.D., my path forward is clear.

-Nightmare, you are messing with
the wrong Phillip. -[snoring]

There, there, D.D.

What helps me sleep is a lullaby
my mom sings to me.

[plays note]

[clucks]

Beautiful.

Yes. Now sleep.

-[sighs, snores]
-[whispers]: Bah-kaw.

[sighs, snores]

[sighs, whimpers]

Shirts and teeth!

Ugh, the nightmare!

[sighs]
Your mom-song did not work!

This is a horrible cycle.

If only I could invent
a dream-entering device

to put myself into your dream.

Uh, well...

I'm already in your dream?

[yawns]
Yeah.

Mm, yeah.

D.D.'s subconscious,
hear me now!

Dream Phillip, I trust
you're examining her pupils

for abnormal dilation
and elevating her legs.

D.D., tell me that Dream Me
has at least elevated your legs.

Mm, you, uh...
you didn't do anything.

Nothing?
I must have tried to help you.

I mean, maybe you could have,
but there were these,

um, uh... creatures.

-[gasps] Butterflies.
-Yeah.

Small, fragile, flittery ones.

Delicate agitators.

They're nonsensical beings.

I think they're beautiful.

That's what
they want you to think.

We can't trust them, D.D.

They may know where we are.

[gasps]
They know where we sleep.

Phillip, use your techniques.

Breathe...

Oh, fear of butterflies,

you are but a whisper
of nothing,

a thin paper in my mind.

My issue is getting in the way
of watching out for you.

[yawns]
It's okay, Phillip.

Who needs quiet sleep?

Screaming all night's
just as good.

No. I must overcome my fear.

Then the Dream Me
will overcome its dream fear

and I'll save Dream You
in your dream.

But how?

You already put this
in your book.

"Phillip To-Do.

"Relive the moment you first
became afraid of the butterfly.

Then you can face your fear
head-on."

Yes, I had been putting
that one off.

Sit back and relax.

[yawns]

Go back to the moment that began
your fear of the butterfly.

PHILLIP:
I'm in my smaller time,

in my backyard,
learning hinges.

I notice something,
a caterpillar

building a cocoon
around itself.

It's... beautiful.

We are the same, it and I.

Protected, cozy.

But then it splits!

It has new limbs!

Wings! Flying!

Why? Why would it do that?

It could have stayed inside,
but it took the darker road.

A life of flying,
gravity defiance,

crashworthiness.

Why would anything in nature
make that choice?

D.D.:
Look it straight in the eye.

Do butterflies have eyes?

-PHILLIP: I've looked too much!
-D.D.: Conquer it!

PHILLIP: You have a right
to your choices!

And I will make my own!

You and I are not the same.

I cannot control what you do.

It leaves.

-It's done.
-D.D.: Good.

Now, when I snap my fingers,

you'll wake up, and your fear
will be nothing more

than a memory. You'll be fine.

Well, how do you feel?

Heart palpitations, gone.
Pulse, normal.

In my expert opinion,
I'm... on the mend.

Go on and rest, D.D.

Now that you know that
Real Phillip is no longer afraid

of butterflies, Dream Phillip
will be able to help you.

[snoring]

Why is this my life?!

-Oh, no.
-Wha...

I guess I don't believe

that your butterfly fear
is truly gone.

I was worried about this.

Show don't tell.

You'll need to see it
to believe it.

Step one,
we have found butterflies.

Probably more than we need.

Step two,
Phillip and butterflies...

[gulps]
interact.

Watch, D.D., I am
perfectly relaxed and at ease

with
these ridiculous tricksters.

-[whimpering]
-[yawns]

[D.D. sighs]

[gasps]
My limit of terror!

I hit it!

It's not working, Phillip.

[sighs, snoring]

[quietly]: There's
only one thing left to do.

If Real Phillip can't get
Dream Phillip to save the day,

Real Phillip
will have to do it himself.

[pigeon cooing]

All right, everyone!
At the ready.

Our goal is to convince D.D.
she is in her actual dream.

Please know your jobs.

And please do said jobs.

Incoming sleeper! And my friend.

[groggily]:
Phillip, wh-what's going on?

Yes, you may call me
Dream Phillip.

Because this is
all in your dream,

all in your dream.

I'm echoing for effect.

[whispering]:
All in your dream.

Bah-kaw.

Not again.
[groans]

[creaking]

"Broken arm.

Need cast."

Lydia, I'm an actor now.

No.

Too many things.

[grunts]
I'm stuck!

Remain calm.

But the butterflies
are about to come!

Let... them... come.

[rustling]

That is more than I anticipated.

My love for my friend

is greater than my fear
of the butterfly.

Their wings!

Powdery slaps of color!

Don't worry, D.D.!

I've self-improved!

I see you, Phillip!

I'm right here!

'Cause I'm still stuck.

[grunting]

No! Let go of that cord!

Are you conspiring against me?

D.D., I'm sorry.

Find a new Phillip.

I did everything
I could think of.

Yes, you did. But... did I?

This is mynightmare in myhead.

It shouldn't be about you

overcoming your fears
and being there for me.

Swat. Shoo! Get out of here.

No. You're always there for me.

This has to be about me,
my fears, helping myself.

Hey, Doctor!

Here's what you need
to know about me.

I need to move! Hyah!

[grunting]

I did it! [chuckles]
I'm not scared!

You're not scared!
We're not scared!

-[phone beeps]
-[whispering]: I'm scared.

Well, that's fine.

[yawns]

We overcame our fears!

Yeah! I can't wait
to tell Real Phillip

that I figured it out.

And that way, we can do
the kayaking thing and...

-[snoring]
-Huh.

You know,
I think I'm waking up now.

[snoring]

-[echoing]: ♪ Butterflies♪
-PHILLIP: ♪ Flapping

♪ Flapping and flapping at you

[echoing]:
♪ Butterflies♪

-[echoing]: ♪ Butterflies♪
-♪ Tiny, little

♪ Ugly, they just...

-[echoing]: ♪ Butterflies♪
-[Phillip groaning]

♪ Their wings, their wings,
their wings, their wings ♪

♪ Powdery, powdery,
powdery slaps ♪

♪ Of color, color,
color, color ♪

♪ Comin' at ya, comin' at ya,
comin' at ya ♪

♪ Looking at your face,
your face, your face ♪

♪ They know where we sleep,
sleep, sleep, sleep. ♪

MAN:
Well, look at you.