Dallas (1978–1991): Season 14, Episode 2 - Charade - full transcript

You're in big trouble, man.

Last on Dallas:

Let me out of here. - Ewing.

Tomorrow, you're mine.

I am sorry, Sheila. I didn't
realize that he'd killed himself.

Sheila, are you sure you
wanna talk about this?

My shrink would say it's
good for me to get it out.

Not so sure I should be
laying it on you though.

Didn't you get the message in Solitary?
We will not accept behavior such as yours.

- No, I realize I was wrong about you.
- No, I was wrong about you.

I got rid of one J.R. and almost
ended up with another one.



- You didn't see April here, did you?
- You two get separated?

Heh, yeah, we did. I
thought she'd be back here.

Oh, my God, the voting rights.

Morrisey.

Ain't you all glad to see me?

Where's April?

I'm just taking her
place for a few days.

But one wrong
move and she's dead.

Where is April?

- I wanna see her. SHEILA:
You'll get your chance.

Right now.

You're in no position
to force my hand.

Don't play with me, lady,
just tell me what's going on.

I realize this is
difficult for you...



but your bride is
safe, I promise.

How can I be sure
you really have her?

April was carrying both your
passports together, wasn't she?

Look, it's really quite simple.

I need to take April's place for a few
days for reasons I can't explain right now.

Is it money? How
much do you want?

This has nothing to do with money.
It's not a kidnapping in that sense.

What, then, blackmail?

No.

Does this have anything
to do with my brother?

Since you mentioned
your brother...

he might have been
better for our purposes...

but you'll do.

What's to stop me from
taking you hostage...

trading you for April?

That wouldn't be smart.

You see, Bobby, we have
a very important agenda.

I am expendable,
and so is April.

We will kill her if we have to.

The only way you can win
this game is to play along.

What's the name of your game?

Charades.

And the rules?

Over the next few days...

you and I will attend several
social events as husband and wife.

Your role is to make
them believe I'm April...

appear loving and attentive.
After all, we are in our honeymoon.

- It's crazy.
- Then just play along.

Why? At least tell me why.

Like I said before, this is
our business, not yours.

You'll never pull it off.

Too many people saw April
and I come here together.

Think, Bobby.

Who was on your flight with you?

Who drove with you into Paris?

Who stood next to you
when you checked in?

Who drank with
you in the hotel bar?

And who did they
give your room key to?

All right.

I don't have a choice,
for the time being.

I'll play along...

but my game of charades
has a different rule book.

Meaning?

I get to see April
once a day, every day.

Make sure she's safe.

- You can talk to her on the phone.
- No.

No phone. I wanna see her.

We do this my way
or we don't do it.

You've got a deal.

Now, why don't you relax.

I'll make all the arrangements.

All that time I was in the pit, I
kept thinking about you, Ewing.

Thinking about all the
things I could do to you.

You don't wanna do anything
that will send you back.

They never should
have let you out.

Yeah. You're crazy.

What? Don't you all like
the smell of dead meat?

Premeditated murder is a capital
offense. You'll get the death penalty.

You think so? J.R.: I know so.

And in Texas, they have lethal injection.
I understand that's a nasty way to die.

Hey, I already killed a man.
Look how they punished me.

Cushy little co-ed hospital
with broads down the corridor.

Think anybody is gonna
give a flying fruitcake...

if one mental patient
carves up another?

You're all mouth, Morrisey.

One word and they'll send you down
to the state pen where you belong.

You ever been to a
fortuneteller, Ewing?

They say they can read
your future in the cards.

All I see in your
future is bad, bad luck.

Five-card stud.

Alternating to seven-card
stud at the three-hour break.

Initial buy-in is 100
grand with no reprieve.

When your money's gone...

you've got 10 minutes to come
up with more cash or you're out.

Damn. DUKE: Hey.

That's the game
we know and love.

Mudcat, Big H?

We're ready to kick Duke's butt.

That'll be the day.

Are you ready to play, son?

Deal them up.

It's a pleasure to play
with J.R. Ewing's boy.

Yeah, old J.R. knows his cards.

He'll make the one-eyed
jack spit in your ear.

Best poker face in Dallas.

J.R. Ewing has got the killer
instinct of a boa constrictor.

Squeeze you until
your eyes pop out.

I don't wanna hear about
J.R. Just play cards, huh?

Another thing about J.R.,
never loses his cool. Ever.

We ready, gentlemen?

You think you got what it
takes to play this game, son?

Just watch me.

Thousand-dollar ante, gentlemen.

- Switchboard.
- An outside line, please.

Who is this?

Dr. Wexler, what's
the matter with you?

Sorry, doctor.

And the code for an
outside line, please?

Code?
- This week's code.

Oh, yeah.

Sanitarium.

That isn't the code.

This isn't Dr. Wexler.
Who is this?

You fell asleep about
5:00 this morning.

I thought you were gonna
pace a hole in the floor.

When do I get to see April?

I told you, later.

You know, it would look more convincing
to the maids if we both used the bed.

I mean, after all, we
are on our honeymoon.

This is sick.

You know the French, they
take their romance very seriously.

Look, you're just angry with
yourself because you fell asleep.

But you made the right
decision for April's sake.

Well, I have just
changed my mind...

and I'm gonna call your bluff.

Off to the police?

Unless you think
you can stop me.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Just one thing before you go.

What?

Shave.

Nobody's gonna listen to you
if you go out looking like that.

It's just you and me, son.

Call to raise or fold.

If you're trying to tell me you
got a straight flush, there's no way.

Well, you believe what you want.

I believe you're bluffing.

Yeah, I never could bluff J.R.
Somehow, he always knew what you had.

You know, you've been pulling
my chain all night about J.R.

And the madder you got,
the more mistakes you made.

It's your call, Mr. Beaumont.

Hey, just give me
a minute, all right?

You got quite a temper,
boy. It's bad for your game.

You're not a bad player, boy.
You're just in over your head.

Oh, so you figure
I've lost this hand?

I figure you don't got
the rocks to stay in.

You agree with him?

Well, look...

I got a nightclub
called Sliders.

I know. I had you checked
out before the game.

Well, I'll see your bet.

And I'd like to raise
you one nightclub.

If you've got the rocks.

You figure it about 500,000?

That's exactly what I figured.

Well, my life's on the
table, you gonna take it?

Give him a mark.

You know that
mark is for real, boy.

You understand that?

Let's see you beat this.

Better call your daddy,
boy, tell him you're bust.

Are you saying you
don't believe me?

I just find your
story a little, uh...

Like a joke.

- Perhaps your friend is playing a game?
- No.

Then perhaps you had too much vin
extraordinaire on your honeymoon night?

I am not making this up.

- Want me to go through the story again?
- I heard it clearly the first time.

Okay, then hear this.

My wife is in trouble...

and I don't care what I have
to do, I'm gonna get her back.

Maybe I should just
go to my embassy.

No, it's all right, Mr. Ewing.

We will investigate
your problem...

after we check your
history, of course.

Wait in your hotel.

Yeah, uh, merci.

Sly, if you're reading this
something has gone wrong.

I want you to call Walter
Berman, he's an attorney in Dallas.

Find out why he
hasn't sprung me yet.

If for some reason
you can't reach him...

I have been committed
to the state sanitarium.

Enclosed is a duplicate
of my release order.

You come down here right away...

take my release papers to the
office and get me out of here.

I had your credentials
checked, Monsieur Ewing.

You are certainly
most legitimate.

Then you're ready
to go upstairs?

To meet your sinister
substitute bride?

You're still not
convinced, are you?

How could anyone hope to
make a plan like that work?

Wait until you meet her.

Wait until he meets
whom, darling?

Hi, I'm April Stevens.

I mean, April Ewing.

I'm still not used
to my new name.

George.

I'll have my usual
coffee, please.

Introduce me, darling.

May I see your
passport, Madame Ewing?

She is not Mrs. Ewing.

Thank you.

According to her
passport, she is.

Oh, Bobby, you didn't.

He didn't, did he?

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

We had too much champagne
last night, way too much.

And we made a little
bet, didn't we, darling?

You're good.

You're very good.

Well, I mean, I know
it worked in London...

but I never dreamed you
were going to try it again.

The whole thing was to convince
the police of this silly little story.

Oh, please, don't be mad at him.

He's a Texan.

They're just so full of fun.

You're lucky I have
a sense of humor.

Well, I hope you, uh,
learned your lesson.

Now, come on.

I wanna show you something
I think should convince you...

to, uh, stop being so difficult.

Right here. Stop.

Doc, you are not
listening to me.

I heard every word you said.

You think Morrisey
wanting to kill me is normal.

Not at all. We're watching
Mr. Morrisey very carefully.

How about Anita holding that
knitting needle to my throat?

In order to force you
to make love to her.

Yeah, I suppose you
think that's normal, huh?

Well, I want some protection,
and I want it right now.

You don't need
protection, Mr. Ewing.

But, uh, maybe
there is a solution.

Well, thank God for that.

- We're going to double your medication.
- What?

And double your therapy.

Your paranoia is increasing at an
alarming rate and that just won't do.

Plus, I'm concerned about this
growing fantasy world of yours.

This belief that your secretary is
coming to rescue you, for example.

Paranoia? Fantasy world?

- I'm not the one who's sick here, you are.
- Calm down, Mr. Ewing.

I don't want you to get an
ulcer on top of everything.

Listen, I'm J.R. Ewing. I
don't get ulcers, I give them.

You sit here. You don't know
what's going on in that day room.

Oh, but I do.

We videotape all the
dayroom interaction.

Yeah. Well, I've seen that little
camera up in the corner there.

Huh.

I watch all my
patients' activities.

Now, I think it's time to
return you to your ward.

Tonight is our
first cocktail party.

The 16th arrondissement.

You point the way and
I march, that's the deal.

You won't need to
be the life of the party.

But I want you by my side
every minute. You understand?

Look, your wife is fine.

She knows there's nothing
to be worried about...

as long as you do
what you're told.

So tonight I smile, I shake
hands, and I talk about nothing.

Charades, Bobby...

the better you play the game...

the sooner it's over.

Excuse me.

You guys are like, red,
white and blue, right?

You gotta be Americans. I
can tell by those excellent boots.

And that's a nice belt
buckle you're wearing.

It's nice to see someone
dressed right for a change.

- Look, beat it.
- Uh...

Can I do something for you guys?

Look, this isn't just
a tight rap, okay?

My name is Mark Harris.

And we're really trying to get
into the junior Tour de France...

but without a sponsor,
it takes, like, big bucks.

So you're asking me for money?

Hey, we're like America's team:
donations gratefully accepted.

Come on, Bobby.

Sheila, you're being
extremely unpatriotic.

This help you boys out?

Yo, guys. We got us a sponsor.

What's your name?

Bobby Ewing.

All right, Team Ewing. Thanks.

But we gotta jet.
Catch you downwind.

That was stupid.

Come on, let's get on with it.

Somebody here knows
anything about electronics?

Oh, Del Green is a whiz.

- He's fixed our TV about 20 times.
- Yeah?

He even offered to rig
me up a sewing machine.

By the way, I've ordered
new knitting needles.

I should get to your
shawl by next month.

Well, I'd think about something in
black. I may not be alive by that time.

Oh, I'm betting on you,
J.R., even with the odds.

There's a betting pool
on me and Morrisey?

Oh, yeah, except we're the
only ones who will bet on you.

I wish I were bigger.
I'd take him on with you.

- Thanks, that's...
- Oh, no.

Hello, girls.

Everybody excited
about the big fight?

Tell you what, you
leave J.R. alone...

and I'll get my wife to
bring money when she visits.

Oh, come on. Your wife doesn't
come to visit you anymore.

- She's ashamed of her little nutcase.
- She is not.

She called you a pathetic moron.

We heard all about
it. Didn't we, girls?

She thinks you're a moron.

- She thinks you're...
- Leave me alone.

- Hey, hey. leave him.
- Leave me alone!

Hey, hey, hey. Knock
it off, knock it off.

Hey, it was an accident.

It was an accident.

All right. It's my fault.

Next time, be more careful.

Sure.

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get you.

Seen as we're alone.

They're gonna map
the floor with your blood.

And when I'm
through with Ewing...

you girls are next.

What are we gonna do?

I've got a plan...

but I have to buy some time.

There's gotta be a place I
can hide out just for one night.

It's so unusual to find a Texas
oil man at one of our get-togethers.

And this weekend, heh, we have two.
- Just glad we could be here.

Oh, yes, my husband and I enjoy
combining business with pleasure.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

All right.

You're doing very well.

All right, we've been
here. Now, let's go.

No, not yet.

Enjoying yourself, aren't you?

Well, I find you much more
interesting than I ever thought I would.

You just keep watching, it's
gonna get even more interesting.

What do you mean?

You'll see.

I hope you're not
making a mistake, darling.

Just grin and bear it, darling.

Yes, I'd like to speak
with Mr. Jordan Lee.

Okay. Okay.

Who is it?

It's James. Open up.

When. You smell like
the inside of a brewery.

Yeah. Hey, make
me a drink, will you?

Make it yourself.

I Will.

You want one?

Maybe you've
forgotten. I'm pregnant.

That's right, with
J.R.'s next lucky son.

What's wrong with you?

Everything.

Ugh, why are you
drinking so hard?

Hey, come on. Back off.

Besides, I've got great news.

I can finally prove to you
that I'm nothing like J.R.

What happened?

James, what happened?

I lost every penny I
own in a card game.

I'm flat broke.

How's that for different?

You sound happy about it.

Mm. It proves I'm no
chip off the old block.

J.R. would never let his butt get
kicked by a couple of fat old boys.

You're not making any sense.

And, now, I don't have to
hear any crap from you...

about how I got the same blood in my
veins as that so-called father of mine.

I want you out of here.

- I got no place to go.
- Why are you telling me?

- Because I need a place to crash.
- Go to Southfork.

What, are you kidding?
Come on, Cally.

Look, James, I really care for you,
but right now I just can't deal with you.

Go get a room somewhere.

Wow, you're not
gonna believe this.

I was just dreaming about you.

Dreaming what I'd do to you
if you didn't show up tonight.

No, no, no. I
go first this time.

If there's anything sharper
than a fingernail I'm out of here.

Oh, you're so paranoid, honey.

I wish people would
stop saying that.

Hands up, turn around.

- Ooh, I like this.
- Yeah, you like everything.

My second husband was a cop...

but you do an even better"
Ah! "body search than he did.

I hope you don't ask me to
come up with a pair of handcuffs.

How long can you stay this time?

All night.

Oh, that's wonderful.

- You're usually in such a rush.
- Yeah.

Well, believe it or not, your room
is the safest place in this joint.

Oh, God. God.

Jordan, I'm sorry
to drag you into this.

It's all right, Bobby.

You did the right
thing, Mr. Ewing.

This is a police matter.

You can trust Captain
de Rougement here. He's

the head of the local
anti-terrorist unit.

I just don't want
April to be hurt.

You've given me the license
plate of the Citroen she rode in.

That's an excellent start.

Are you sure you don't
have a photograph of her?

No, I'm sorry. I had an artist's
sketch, but that woman destroyed it.

Oh.

I can call back to my
home in Dallas, Texas.

Well, I prefer if you could keep
the rest of your family out of this.

Can you tell me what
you plan on doing?

While we track down the vehicle, we
also have a man follow you at all times.

You should check out Sheila
Foley too, Odessa, Texas.

Okay, we'll do that.

But, in the meantime...

your job is to cooperate
with Mrs. Foley's orders.

Be patient, and leave
your wife's safety to us.

It's gonna work out,
Bobby. I got faith.

You know, this tattoo is very
popular up in the Northwest.

Believe me, your friends are
gonna be really impressed.

I don't think anybody's gonna
mistake me for my old man now.

Well, there you go.

You're now a marked man.

I'd like to know who you
called from the party last night...

and where you were this morning.

I bet you would.

Secrets have a
way of backfiring.

It's one of the few
pleasures I have left.

I'm thinking maybe
your leash is too long.

So, what do you
plan on doing about it?

Making your life
much less comfortable.

How? You're gonna put
me on bread and water?

Come on.

Let's go back to the hotel.

I wanna rest up.

We wanna look our
best for the party.

Hiding behind a woman's
skirts, that's pretty lame, Ewing.

Every bullfighter has one last woman
before he goes in. What's wrong with that?

Look, let's just do it
right now, right here.

Oh, so the guards can stop
us? That's real smart, Morrisey.

- You know, you're a big man.
- All right.

- All right, when and where?
- Tonight, midnight. Right here.

During the shift change
when nobody's around.

Unless, of course,
you get cold feet.

Man, I'm gonna turn your
face into a jigsaw puzzle.

No holds barred, Morrisey.

I can't wait.

Why did you do that?

I got a plan, but I'm gonna
need all you fellas to help me.

You want us to help
you fight Morrisey?

Yeah, especially Del Greco here.

Oh, no. I hate
the sight of blood.

I hate it. I hate it.

I hate it too. I hate
the sight of blood.

Anyone want to see
my new harmonica?

- Yeah, I'd really like that.
- Yeah, can I see it too?

Hey, you guys can't go.

But it's B flat. It's silver.

It's real shiny.

If you don't help me,
I'm dead. It's for all of us.

Goodbye. GOLDMAN: Come on.

- Well, maybe I can do it with just you.
- What's that movie?

You know, where Ronald Reagan
wants everyone to win one for the Gipper?

Pride of the Yankees? No.
Him that was Gary Cooper.

Anyway, I gotta go too.

I'm sorry. I'd like to
help you but I'm scared.

Oh, Lord.

Congratulations, Cliff.
Scotch on the rocks.

Hey, Mac, what's up?

Now, don't be coy.

Rumor has it that you're a
candidate for national energy czar.

- Why don't you put in a good word for me.
- Ha, ha, what's in it for Westar?

You get me out of
Texas, that's what.

Then my job will be open to
put one of your favorites in.

That's a point well
taken. Thank you.

Ah! The loveliest lady in the
room. Don't tell me you were hiding.

This is really Cliff's
kind of party, not mine.

Yeah, she doesn't go
for this glamour and glitz.

I wonder why.

I'm glad to see the flame of romance
is still flickering between you two.

You're glad? Why?

Very few bachelors get
sensitive political posts.

A national energy czar
could do a lot worse...

than having such a beautiful,
intelligent woman by his side.

Another point well taken.

Yes.

A lady such as you could have a
definite impact on a man's career.

I'll see you both later.

- Want something more to drink?
- No, thanks.

I'll take another of
the same, please.

Darling, you're not being
nearly as convincing today.

Well, isn't that too damn bad?

Bet everyone is wondering
why we're not being affectionate.

Especially our French hosts.

Well, would you like
me to hold your hand?

I have a better idea.

Grin and bear it, darling.

You're disappointed
in us, aren't you?

Well, how would you feel?

I wanted the
A-Team, I got F-Troop.

We've changed our minds.

We can't let you
down. We wanna help.

Good. Good.

- Ha, ha, quite a bash, wasn't it?
- They all seemed think...

you were pretty hot
stuff. Oh, and you are.

Oh, yeah.

Somebody was a little
on the quiet side though.

Get over it.

How about one of our
famous good-night kisses?

Do you want to come in?

We'll both know
when the time's right.

My middle name is
patience, remember?

Leave it off.

Still afraid of the light?

I'd like for anyone watching to
assume that you went to sleep.

And you think someone
might be watching.

You never know.

Liz, your vacation is over.

It's time to go back to work.

I want out.

Word has it that you're
getting close to Cliff Barnes.

Since when do you
read the gossip column?

Don't be cute.

- I don't belong to you anymore.
- Sure, you do.

I gave you time to close
out your brother's will.

Your time is up.

I'm not going back to New York.

You don't have to.

Johnny Dancer's on his way here.

I told you, I'm
through with him.

No, you're not.

Feeling lonely?

It's ironic, isn't it?

Paris is such a romantic city.

And here we are.

What do you want now?

You've been holding up your
end of the deal very nicely.

I just wanted to compliment you.

Is this my reward?

I like you, Bobby.

I know that's hard to accept.

And I wish we didn't
have to play charades.

Someday, I will be able to
explain to you what this is all about.

And I believe you
will forgive me.

Just leave me alone, okay?

Don't you find me attractive?

Most men do.

You don't kidnap
most men's wives.

It's been a long time
since I've been with a man.

I think that we could
both use some comforting.

You gotta be kidding, right?

Why?

It would make us both
forget for a few hours.

Why not?

We can have
ourselves a wild time.

Maybe you're not so predictable.

Tell me, Sheila, who was
the last man you slept with?

My husband.

He was something special.

I'll bet he was.

You're very much like him.

A rare good man in a
world full of bad ones.

Well, let me tell you something.

You're nothing like my wife.

She's beautiful, loving,
kind and generous.

And if it will bring her back
to me one minute sooner...

I'll push past my disgust and
give you whatever you want.

You bastard.

The offer still stands.

If you want me, you can have me.

I don't need anyone that badly.

Good job, Del Greco.

- Is it midnight yet?
- Exactly.

J.R.

You actually showed up.

We got 10 minutes while
the guards change shifts.

That's all I'm gonna need.

I see you brought your fan club with you.
Good, I'll take care of them for dessert.

Now, tell me about
that fella you killed.

The one who was messing
around with one of your girls.

What's with the talk?
Wanna get on with this, huh?

- I don't think you actually did it.
- Of course I did.

No. You're a Looney Tune. I
think you made the whole thing up.

Bull.

I carved him up like a pumpkin.

Heh, well, that proves
you're crazy, doesn't it?

Hell, no. I knew
exactly what I was doing.

Oh, I forgot. That's the way
you fooled that poor old judge.

Hey, this is America.

See, all you gotta do
is pretend you're nuts.

Get your lawyer to hire some shrink
to blame it all on your sadistic parents...

and, boom, temporary insanity.

And that's what you did?

My lawyer gave me crazy lessons.

We practiced my "I'm wacko"
speech for the witness stand.

I really should have
won an Academy Award.

Well, it's not too late.

You get all of that, Del Greco?

We got him loud and clear, and the
camera picked him up dead center.

Well, congratulations, Morrisey.

We got your whole
confession on the hospital tape.

You are now a member of
America's Dumbest Home Videos.

You son of a bitch.

You did it. You did it.

We did it.

Here it is, sir.

It's perfect.

You've done an incredible job.

Your wife is a beautiful
woman, monsieur.

Ten years from now, I'll be
able to draw her from memory.

- Thank you very much.
- I'm sorry you lost the first portrait.

This one's even
better than the last one.

Tell your wife hello for me.

Yeah.

Captain de Rougement.

Yes?

Wait a second, who are you?

I beg your pardon?

You're not the Captain de
Rougement I met. Is there another one?

I am the only Capitan de
Rougement in Paris Police.

I assure you.

What is going on?

Next on Dallas:

This is crazy.

There are very good
reasons for what we're doing.

Take him to drug treatment.

You just can't pump me full of
drugs. I'm not crazy. You'll kill me.

I gotta get out of here...

before they turn
me into a vegetable.

I love you.

I love you.

These release papers are
what you want, aren't they?

Oh, you still have
them. What a relief.

Let's get out of here.