Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–…): Season 7, Episode 3 - The Reunion - full transcript

Approaching the 10 year mark, Larry and Jeff finally agree to do a Seinfeld reunion show. However, after getting a bad set of tickets to a Lakers game, he tries to call the reunion off ...

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
( Theme music playing )

So loretta was swearing
at you and yelling at you?

- ( Laughs ) yeah.
- And she really thought you were cheating on her?

Auntie rae gave me--
She gave me the finger

- As she was driving away. Yeah.
- Did she really?

- Oh god.
- "Fuck you, larry."

How's it feel living alone?

Well, i'm not alone.
I've still got leon.

Umm, listen.

I know i brought it up a million times,

But nbc is still harping me about

About doing a "seinfeld" reunion.

Again? Don't they
give up, these people?

So what do you think?

You know, those reunion
shows, they're so lame, really.

They never work. The
actors are 10 years older.

It just doesn't look right.

You know, i don't think so. And jerry
would never want to do it, either.

All right, look. I'm
in agreement with you

But here's what i need, okay?

Come with me to nbc--
Let me set up a meeting--

Say no. That way i
can always say to them,

"He said no. You heard it from him."

- Fine.
- Thank you. They'll leave me alone.

We move on to other
things. None of this crap.

- Hi, honey. How are you doing?
- Hi. Oh, the same.

- I'm sorry.
- Really not good. Hi, lar.

- Hey. What's the matter?
- I-- You know, i'm tired.

I'm achy--
My knees ache.

I feel weak. I've
been to two doctors--

Everybody says i'm
fine. It's in my head,

Which is bullshit. As you
know, i'm always happy and up.

You are a picture of happiness.

- She does have a very good disposition.
- Jeff: she's bubbly.

- Wouldn't you say that? Bubbly.
- Larry: yeah, i think so.

I've never been so
tired. It's just like--

Have you been in any tall grass lately?

Well, you know, on fire
island i was in tall grass.

I was on the dunes, in the
grass when we were there.

Have you been tested for lyme disease?

You think it's a tick bite or something?

It could be. I know somebody who
had something, it wasn't diagnosed

And then it turned
out to be lyme disease.

What have you got to
lose? Take a blood test.

What are you, a fucking doctor?
How do you know these things?

( Chuckles ) i'm a hypochondriac,
so i'm aware of this stuff.

( Laughs ) oh my god.

- What is this?
- Cheryl: what are you doing?

I can't believe it.
This is the second time

I've run into you in, what, three weeks?

- What are you doing here?
- I had an audition.

- Really?
- Yeah, i'm acting again.

- Wow. How'd you do?
- I did okay.

- Yeah.
- I don't think i got it. I don't know.

How do you know? What
are you doing here?

I have a meeting

With jeff and nbc about
a "seinfeld" reunion,

- But it's--
- Really?

Yeah, but i'm not--
I'm not gonna do it.

- I'm just going-- - No, that's
perfect. People love reunion shows.

How much would people love to
see that cast back together?

See what they're doing now,
years later, and how they look?

- So you'd be running-- Running
it. - Yeah, i'd be writing it.

- Yeah, what i used to do.
Yeah. - Writing it and--

My god. You have to
write a part for me.

- Oh ho, you've got it.
- Okay. I'm not kidding.

- Yeah.
- I'm not kidding.

- You're not kidding. Okay, fine.
- No, i'm not.

- What else is going on? - Oh,
i'm just-- I'm doing pilates,

I'm learning japanese
and i'm into the lakers.

- I am finally appreciating--
- Now you're into basketball?

- After i leave? - But now i've
got some girlfriends that are--

They are into it and we're
going on thursday night,

- Going to the game.
- Really? I was actually thinking

About going to that game. I
was gonna buy scalper's tickets.

- Oh.
- Maybe i'll run into you.

- I'm sure you will. Why wouldn't you?
- Why wouldn't i? Yeah.

- I should run.
- Okay.

- But it's good to see you.
- Good to see you.

- Really. Bye.
- Bye.

- What's she doing here? - She's--
She's acting again. She had an audition.

Oh. Good for her.

- All right, let's get this bullshit over with.
- Okay.

Sandy: larry, i'm going to
ask you the same question

That every affiliate asks me

( Chuckles ) every
day of my job--

Is "when are we going to
get a 'seinfeld' reunion?"

- Mm-Hmm.
- Huh?

- Yeah. I don't know.
- Huh?

Well, the window is wide open
right now and it's kind of perfect.

- Jeff: well, listening
to you... - Mm-Hmm.

- ...Has me excited.
- Well, it's because i'm excited!

- ( Execs chuckles )
- Jeff: i think that--

What are you thinking? Hour, half hour?

I am thinking whatever you want to do.

What are you thinking?
Do you want to do an hour?

Do you want to do a
half hour? We don't care.

It's the finest commodity
nbc has put out...

i really like what you did in that take.

Really? 'Cause i can try it
different way if you want me to.

- I can-- - No, don't change
a thing. It's perfect.

And as far as the rest of you go,

I've got a couple of little things.

- Uh, michael?
- Yeah.

I loved the entrance.
That slide? It's working.

Well, it's making me a bit dizzy,

But i'll do anything for you, larry.

Julia, the business
with the apple--

Come on, how funny is that?

Hey, it was your idea
and it completely works.

The glasses? You're killing me.

I can't do it as good as you,
but i'm gonna keep trying.

Yeah, and that new line--
The kumquat and the quail?

- You're amazing.
- Yeah, amazing.

- Jerry and julia: amazing.
- Yeah, you're really unbelievable, larry.

Man: we are thinking to leave
the door open to the creative--

- I'll-- I'll
do it. - What?

- I'll do it.
- You'll do it?!

- Execs: that is amazing.
- Really?

- That's fantastic.
- Wow.

- You're gonna do it?
- I'm gonna do it.

And i have a pretty
good idea for george too.

- He's already writing.
- In the 11 years since the show's been off the air,

He's gotten married, divorced

And now he's gonna try
to get his wife back.

- Funny.
- Okay.

I know it's not a great
idea, but i can work on it.

- No, i think it's a great idea.
- I love this.

- What about jerry?
- I'll talk to jerry and i'll talk to the cast.

- Great. Great.
- Woman: great.

- Man #2: awesome.
- We need to celebrate.

- Woman: we do, yes.
- You like basketball?

- Of course.
- Do i like basketball? Yeah, of course.

- He loves basketball.
- Do you want to go to a laker's game?

We were gonna try to go thursday night.

- Yeah, we were gonna get scalper's tickets.
- No need. No need.

- We will hook you up. Yes, i will hook you up.
- No kidding?

- Wow.
- Don't you even worry about that.

You should've brought this
idea up a long time ago.

- ( All laugh )
- Thanks.

- This is exciting.
- Okay.

Gotta call jerry.

- Oh!
- Maybe i'll do that in the car.

You know who you've got to call?

Cheryl, to tell her that she's gonna be

In a "seinfeld" reunion show.

I know what you're up
to. You're so full of it.

We're sitting up there,
you say i'll do it

And i'm going "really? You'll do it?"

And literally, it hit me the second
we walked out of that meeting.

It's like "oh! This is your plan

To get your ex-Wife back."

Pretty fucking brilliant if you ask me.

Well, i mean, think of it this way:

I'm gonna-- I'll be with
her every day on the set,

Directing her, working with her.

- She'll see me in this whole new light.
- As a working man.

And already she started
looking at me differently

- When i told her i was going for the meeting.
- I know.

This is great. And i'm
a hero now with nbc.

So i'm all for it. I'm gonna
back you on this the whole way.

Pretty brilliant.

- ( Phone rings )
- Good afternoon.

I've got this really
good idea for george.

He's gotten married, divorced

And now he's trying to
get his ex-Wife back.

- I think that could be funny.
- Yeah, that's not bad.

But anyway, there's
no shortage of ideas.

But why would we do something like this?

I mean, i remember
you talking about--

Whenever a sitcom does a reunion episode

You say, "isn't it pathetic?"

- I said pathetic?
- Desperate, pathetic.

- Desperate? - When we would
watch shows-- Other shows--

We'd see them do reunion shows,

You would look and
you'd make that face--

You know, that very
judgmental face of yours...

- i did?
- ...where you see people

Who do not have your
aesthetic standards.

You criticize and downgrade them for it.

That's your style.

- Criticizing and downgrading?
- Yes.

What's not quite clear to me

Is how you seem to have shifted

Your whole attitude about these shows.

- I haven't shifted.
- No, you've shifted.

- No, there's no shift.
- There's a shift.

- No shift.
- I'm being sold something here

And i don't know why. I
get that funny feeling,

Like when you're in a car showroom

And the guy is just trying
to close that deal on the car.

It-- It's just weird to me
that you suddenly like an idea

That you always always hated.

I don't know. It'd just
be fun to get together.

Get together?

You're not a get-Together guy.

You don't like to get together.
You hate to get together.

We could have a dinner. Why
don't we just have a nice dinner?

I just think that everybody wants it.

Why are we depriving
them of this? It's crazy.

I know, but it's like you're
going back to an old girlfriend

And saying "hey, maybe
i can make it work now,

10 years later."

Does that ever work in any
relationship that you can think of?

Robert wagner and natalie
wood. How about that?

They got divorced and
they got back together.

And then she slipped
off the boat and died.

- So how did that work out?
- It was an accident.

And christopher walken?
How do you explain that?

I don't know what he
was doing on the boat.

Just tell me--
Why isn't it lame?

Why isn't--
Isn't it lame?

Because we'll do it in
a way that won't be lame.

- We will.
- Yeah. I can't argue with that.

- Let me talk to the others.
- All right.

If i get the others,
will you go along with it?

I guess i would, yeah.

- Really?
- I trust your instincts.

- I trust you.
- I'm telling you, it's gonna be funny.

And what about that story you were talking
about-- How george would have an ex-Wife?

- Yeah.
- You know who'd be great for that is meg ryan.

Are you kidding me?

- Yes, meg ryan.
- Meg ryan?

- I-- - I saw her in this
thing the other night.

She got up and talked, she looks great.

- She's funny. She's great.
- I don't know. I think we'd rather go with an unknown.

You know what? Casting
will take care of itself.

- Yeah. It will.
- We'll, you know--

- It will. Let's do it.
- Fantastic.

- All right. Okay.
- All right.

- I'm gonna talk to the others.
- That sounds great.


The big thing for george is
the ex-Wife who left him...

- yes.
- ...and he wants to get her back.

No one's gonna buy it.
The character is unlovable.

He is a-- You know, he's a
jerky, schmucky little character.

All right? He's just a buffoon.

He's so unappealing that to
buy that there was a marriage

- That's sustained at all--
- All right, first of all,

Why is he unappealing?
People loved the character.

Because he's selfish,
he's stupid, he lies...

- yeah, but people-- He's not stupid.
- ...he's abrasive, he's inept.

- He's funny. Everything you just said is funny.
- Yeah, it's funny.

- Okay, so maybe that's why-- - It's
funny 'cause everybody laughs at him,

'Cause we all know schmucks like that.

But what i like about it--
Here's the upside to it, really--

It could make up for the
finale. That's for sure.

What does that mean?
"Make up for the fin"--

There's nothing to make up for.

It really lets us end
"seinfeld" on a good note.

It could be a "we know.
We know. We're sorry."

On that level i like it.

And, creatively, it makes
me-- My juices are going.

- My juice is going.
- Wait. What--

What's going on in this restaurant?

- Oh, the photos?
- Yeah.

Boy, those are distracting, huh?

- But anyway, what were
you saying? - And julia--

Everybody is down for this?

I mean, have you talked
to julia about this?

- I was supposed to meet with her today...
- Yeah?

...but she said she had to drive
her daughter to a birthday party.

And she kinda blew me
off, so i don't know.

But i'm gonna meet with her
tomorrow. Jerry'll do it if you do it.

- And michael-- Yes? - I
haven't spoken to him yet,

But i'm gonna mewit.

All right. You know what? Let's do it.

You know what? Let's do it. I'm excited.

- Great.
- This is gonna work.

- It's gonna be great.
- And you know what?

For george's ex-Wife, if we
get one of these great actresses

That has the little
bit of the funny voice--

You know, like a jennifer
tilly, like a kristin chenoweth.

You don't need to concern yourself so
much with who's playing george's wife.

- It's not concern. I'm excited.
- Next thing i know,

You're gonna be-- What, you're
gonna be writing with me.

- You need some ideas?
- No, we're good.

- 'Cause, you know, there were a few things...
- Yeah, all right.

- ...That i pitched over the years
you didn't-- - Yeah, whatever.

- They weren't that great.
- And it's nice.

- We'll go out on a good note this time.
- We'll have a great time.

We went out-- We
already went out on a--

Thank you. Thank you very much.

- Ah yes, thank you.
- I hope everything was great.

- It was fantastic.
- We don't need to go out on a good note.

- We went out on a good note.
- And we'll do it again.

What are you going to leave?
Let's coordinate the tip here.

- Why?
- Well, when we split the check,

We both have the exact same bill.

So why don't we leave the same thing
so one of us doesn't look like an idiot?

What, are we favored nations
all of a sudden for lunch?

No, but what is the big deal if
we both leave the same amount?

What do you want to leave?
What's your inclination?

- $12.
- $12?

- Yeah.
- Good. Put down $12.

- Write-- Write $12 down. -
How much are you gonna leave?

- Mm-Hmm. Mmm. Mmm.
- What's your plan here?

I'm encouraging you to leave $12.

I think it's a number. There's
nothing to be ashamed of

In writing $12 under
"gratuity" on your check.

Are you gonna leave $12?

You want to know what i'm leaving?

I'm gonna write down what
i'm leaving right now.

I'm writing a number.

Now i'm folding that number

And i'm putting it inside my
little leather check holder.

Waiter. Thank you very much.

- No problem. Thank you.
- You've been wonderful. Thank you very much.

You're not gonna tell me
what you left? Is that it?

I am very excited about our show.

You don't believe in tip
coordination, is that it?

Let's stay in touch about
the girl. It's very important.

I've got a couple of
ideas. I'll email you.

This is exciting, larry.

Larry: and some funny ideas for elaine.

- Oh, really? Like what?
- Yeah.

A little girl asks you to
give her doll a haircut.

- Mm-Hmm. - You
give her the haircut,

She finds out it doesn't
grow back and she freaks out.

- Yeah, elaine around a kid.
- Around the kid and her mother yelling at her.

- So that could be funny.
- Uh-Huh, but i don't know.

I have to tell you, larry,
i've never seen a reunion show

- That was not
tacky. - Yeah, i--

I mean, every time you see
one of these reunion shows,

It feels like they're doing
it for the wrong reasons.

- Really?
- Hey, is jerry into it?

Completely into it.
He's chomping at the bit.

- Really?
- Is it chomping or champing?

I think it's chomp--
Champing? What is champing?

I think it's spelled "champing"
but pronounced "chomping."

No, it's spelled "chomping"
and it's pronounced "chomping."

- Not so sure.
- I'm so sure.

- Really? Hmm.
- Yeah. Chomp.

Well, regardless,
jason-- Into it,

- Wants to do it.
- Oh my god.

- I-- - Come
on, let's do it.

Okay, well, maybe--
All right. All right.

- I'm into it.
- Fantastic.

- ( Phone ringing )
- I've got to go get this. Be right back.

- Can i get you anything to drink?
- No thanks, i'm good.

- Are you sure? Okay.
- Yeah.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- How's it going?
- It's good.

How was the birthday
party the other day?

What birthday party?

You know, you went to a
birthday party with your mother.

No, i didn't go to a birthday party.

- Really?
- Yeah, really.

That's not what your mother said.

I didn't go to a birthday party.



Larry: i've got some really
good ideas for kramer.

This one idea that
actually happened to me--

I picked up a hooker so i
could use the carpool lane

To get to dodger stadium 'cause
i was late for a ballgame.

That happened to me. I've spoken
to jason, he wants to do it.

Jerry will do it. I
just talked to julia,

She's in. What do you think?

Huh? Do you like that idea?

- Huh?
- Yeah. Mmm.

- Good idea, right?
- Oh, yeah.

I mean, am i crazy? Tell
me. What do you think?

- Hmm?
- Yeah.

- Am i crazy?
- Hmm?

Am i crazy? Do you think i'm crazy?

I don't know.

Okay, i'm glad you said that.

I'm glad you think i'm crazy.
That means it's a good idea.

If you think it's a crazy
idea, then it's a good idea.

If you said, "no, you're not crazy,"

Then i'd think it's not a good idea.

- You know what i'm talking about?
- Yeah.

- Huh? You get that, right?
- Definitely. Sure.

- So what do you think?
- Yeah. What?

- Let's do it.
- Do it?

Come on, let's do it.

- Let's do it.
- What time do you have?

- 2:12.
- ( Sighs )

I'm sorry. I've got to pick up beth.

Oh, okay. I've got the
check. What are you doing?

- You can get this? Just a tea.
- Of course. Yeah, come on.

- You had a tea. Come on.
- Okay, all right.

- This is exciting. Are you excited?
- Yeah.

- Huh? It's exciting.
- Yeah yeah. It was good seeing you.

- It's exciting, right?
- I've gotta go. I'll see you later.

- Great to see you. I'm excited.
- All right.

- How are we doing over here, sir?
- Doing good.

- Good good.
- Doing good.

- Anything i can get you?
- No. I have a question i want to ask you.

- Okay.
- You remember i was sitting here yesterday?

- Yeah.
- Would you mind telling me

How much tip the guy
i was with left you?

Oh. ( Chuckles ) we don't do that.

- You don't do what?
- We don't share

- That information with customers.
- Huh, "share information"?

Honestly, who gives a crap?

I was in here. I was with a guy.

I'm just curious. What did he leave?

It was a healthy--
Healthy tip.

- Was mine a healthy tip?
- Yeah.

Was his healthier?

- I-- I-- - Let me
ask you this question:

- Was it over $12? Huh? - Do you
want me to refill your water or--

Just scratch your face with
your finger if it was over $12.

I-- I could really get in
trouble with my manager.

Nobody even knows what
we're talking about.

Scratch your face with your
finger if it was over $12.

Go ahead, just scratch
it. Was it over $12?

- Oh, for god's sake. What an asshole.
- Is there anything else?

Let me ask you this
question: was it over $15?

Just tug on your tie up
here. Was it over $15?

This is making me real uncomfortable.

Nobody's even... ( stammers )
to anything we're talking about.

Was it over $15? Tug on your tie.

- Oh my f--
Oh fuck! - Sir?

Is that all i can get you?

No, don't go yet. One second. I
have one more question to ask you.

Did that son of a bitch
give you a $20 tip?

- What if it was more?
- How much did he give you?

- Huh? Was it over $30?
- Do you want the check?

Yeah, if it's over $30, i want you
to raise that cup over that pot.

- Okay, i hope you enjoyed your meal...
- Yeah, thank you.

...and come back soon.

- Larry: hey!
- Jeff: hi, how are you?

Good. Guess what.

- What?
- I've got some news. They're all in.

- Really?
- We're doing the reunion show.

- Fantastic, man!
- Is that unbelievable?

It's unbelievable. Who'd have
thunk? Now check this out.

Susie has lyme disease.

- Who saved her life? Who saved her
life? - Can you-- I saved her life.

- You saved her life.
- Dr. David.

- Dr. David. Paging dr. David.
- You know, she went to--

- Calling dr. Davi
- Hows did she go to?

I mean, that's kind of scary.

- I'll be right back.
- All right.

Cheryl! Hey, cheryl!


Oh, i'll-- I'll catch
up with you guys inside.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- This is crazy.
- Yeah.

- How are you? Good.
- Good. Good.

So remember i was telling you

That i was gonna see them
about a "seinfeld" reunion?

- Yeah.
- We're doing the show.

- You're kidding.
- No.

And you...

are gonna play george's ex-Wife.

- I am?
- Do you want to?

- Oh my god!
- Huh?

- Are you kidding me?
- I swear to god.

- Can you act? Huh?
- ( Laughs ) yes.

- You can? Are you sure?
- I can. I am very good.

- You're not gonna embarrass me, are you?
- No.

- I mean, i've got to talk
to jerry. - Thank you so--

- I'm sure he won't have any problem with it.
- Oh my god, larry.

- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.

I can't tell you how
much that means to me.

- Thank you.
- Wow.

Oh my god, you have no
idea what this means to me.

- Really?
- Okay, i'm gonna go.

- Yeah, i've just got to talk to jerry.
- Thank you so much.

Oh my god! Oh my god!

I'm telling you, it was unbelievable.

You should've seen the look on her face.

- I couldn't get over it.
- Man: here are your tickets, sir.

Thank you.

We'll go see a fantastic game, huh?

- It's all working out.
- Yeah.

Where are these?

( Rock music playing )

Announcer: and the home
team, your los angeles--

- Larry: 319. Are you kidding me?
- ( Crowd cheers )

Look at this. This has to be a mistake.

He couldn't have given us seats up here.

- This is a joke. Just a joke.
- Oh my god.

Can you believe these
seats this guy gave us?

- ( Buzzer blares )
- ( Whistle tweets )

Look at this. You've gotta be kidding.

- Announcer: #5...
- Unbelievable.

This is crazy. We could've stayed home

- And watched it on tv.
- I could have ridden the treadmill,

Watched it on tv and
gotten the same effect.

Why? Why would he do this? Why would
he give-- Did he do it on purpose?

- I don't know.
- Should we give him the benefit of the doubt?

- Yeah, i guess.
- I'm not used to giving people the benefit of the doubt.

I don't even know how to
condition myself to do it.

I thought he had courtside seats.

Can i-- Can i borrow your
binoculars for a second?

- Yeah, sure.
- Sir, thank you very much.

- ( Crowd cheering )
- ( Announcer speaking )

Jeff: oh, he does have courtside seats.

He's sitting in them--
He and david spade.

- What?
- He's sitting next to david spade.

Larry: i can't believe it.

I'm gonna call him.

- Fucking asshole.
- ( Beeps )

- ( Gasps ) oh!
- What?

He screened my call.

- How do you know he screened your call?
- I saw him on the binoculars.

He screened the call. You know, i
always thought people were doing that

When i called them.
This just confirms it.

See, it taught me a lesson.

I was gonna give somebody
the benefit of the doubt--

I almost did-- And then
something said "no, don't."

Don't. It's not for
you." That's not my thing.

That was a complete
and utter waste of time.

- Oh, what a waste of time.
- Why'd we even stay the whole time?

- I don't even know.
- Oh, sandy goodman.

Listen. Just don't go nuts.

All right? I know you want
to say something, but don't--

- I'll talk to you tomorrow.
- Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey, larry. I'm glad you made it.

- Yeah.
- Did you enjoy the game?


jerry: you told the head
of nbc to go fuck himself?

Yeah, i did. The guy said he's
gonna fix me up with tickets.

He puts me up in the
rafters, the worst seats.

- So what?
- And then i caught the asshole screening my call!

So crap on the head of the
network? What are you doing?

He's apoplectic. Apoplectic, larry.

That kind of behavior is
completely unacceptable!

- Yeah.
- Julia: you want to know what else is unacceptable?

It is totally and
completely unacceptable

That you would grill my daughter gracie

About whether i took
her to a birthday party.

And then you call me a liar?

Okay, first of all, i
didn't really grill her.

I just asked a question.

And i didn't call you a liar.

I just said it was... interesting.

What about this would you
find interesting, larry?

Well, the fact that you
told me that you were

Taking her to a birthday party.

And she said she never
went to the birthday party.

So i thought that was interesting.

Do you also find it interesting that,

In fact, i have two daughters?

Grace and mary.

I took mary to the birthday party.

- That's interesting. -
What i find interesting--

In fact, fascinating--
Is that you would

Go back to a restaurant
where you and i had a meal

For the sheer purpose
of harassing a waiter

For the most insignificant incident,

I'm sure, that's ever
happened in this man's life.

We split a check and he doesn't
want to coordinate the tip!

- Jason: why should i?
- Why should you?

Why do i need to coordinate the tip?

You go out with a friend,
you tip in concert!

Why are we in concert?
There's no concert!

- No, two different people, two different tips.
- We're not in concert!

- A tip is a solo, larry.
- Larry: no, it's not!

- Thank you. Thank you. Solo.
- You tip in concert!

- A tip is a solo.
- What is the big secret?

He's got a big secret!
What is the big secret?!

You're digging into my personal--
You-You gotta know what my taxes are?!

- You wanna know what i paid for my house?!
- No, i just think

It's the right thing to do! That's all!

There's no right and wrong to it.

In fact, you're wrong and i'm right!

- That's not even the big issue here, by the way.
- Julia: there we go.

Because unless you
apologize to sandy goodman,

There's not even going
to be a reunion show.

What reunion show?

- Didn't you tell him?
- Larry: yes, what are you talking about?

We discussed it the other day at lunch.

- I don't remember you telling me that.
- What?

You told me point blank. You
discussed it. Everybody's--

- This is not cool.
- I did discuss it!

Michael: look,
a reunion show--

Let's do it. It's a great idea.

Jerry: all right, you've
got all the principals,

But the project's in the toilet

Because larry david doesn't want to si.

I don't think that was
the loge. That was way up.

Larry, you have got to speak with sandy.

You have got to clean up that mess.

You've got to apologize.

Jeff: i never should've
left you alone with goodman.

Jerry's right. You've got to apologize.


Oh, what, are you-- Are
you gonna go in begrudgingly

- Or are you gonna go in sincere?
- Begrudgingly.

( Sighs ) you can't give
a begrudging apology.

You've gotta give a sincere apology.

I'll go somewhere between

Begrudging and sincere. How's that?

Somewhere between? Where between?

- I'll straddle the line.
- What kind of line?

It's not completely sincere and
it's not completely begrudging.

I'll tell you where the
line is-- The line is

You probably fuck up the
apology. That's the line.

If i fuck up the apology, then
i'll apologize for the bad apology.

You can't apologize for an apology!

You get one shot, that's it.

Hey, what about cheryl?

 - Okay. -
There you go.

- All right.
- I'm gonna hate myself more than normally.

Hey, jeff, did you see my cell phone?

Uh, no, i did not.

Hi, lar. Oh, here it is.

All right, listen. I've
gotta run.I did not.

Don't forget to pick up sammy, okay?

- I'm not gonna forget.
- Susie: all right.

- Hey.
- What?

No "thank you, larry,

For saving my life"?

Saving my life? How'd you save my life?

- You didn't save my life.
- I diagnosed your illness.

All right. Well, it's
treated, and i'm feeling great.

- Give it up, man.
- Give what up?

What kind of person doesn't say thank you
to another person for saving their life?

- Oh, larry, thank you so much.
- I'm glad you're feeling better.

You saved my life. I'd
be dead without you.

- You would be!
- Oh, bullshit!

You know what happens to lyme
disease if it's left untreated?

- What? - Everything goes--
The kidneys, the joints,

- The lungs, the heart-- Everything!
- Well, then you should be

Very glad i'm feeling
better, shouldn't you?!

If somebody saved my life,
i'd be fucking kissing--

You didn't save my life, asshole!

- You know what?
- What?

Next time i'm not gonna
say anything, okay?!

I'm gonna keep my mouth
shut and let you die!

- You want me to die? Get the hell out of here.
- You know what?

You've got a little
spot on your forehead.

- Get the hell out of here.
- Don't get it checked out. It's not skin cancer.

- Out out out out!
- Don't check that out,

That little spot you got there.

I just wanted to apologize

If i offended you

Or insulted you

In any way.

So this is me


It's about as sorry as i can get.

I guess my question is:

Was it sorry enough?

That's it?

- No good?
- "No good"?

- Too begrudging?
- Very begrudging.

Can i apologize for the apology?

You know what? I want to put the kibosh

On our relationship.

I can see where this road
is going and i don't like it,

So we're done. The reunion show is off.

- Yeah.
- Good luck to you.

- I'll be fine.
- Good luck to your network,

- Thank you.
- Okay, i could not find your acid reflux pills,

So i got you tums and echinacea.

- Thank you.
- I found the ginseng.

- Oh, what's the matter, you sick?
- I have a stiff neck.

I have aches. I have pains.

- I'm not well.
- Have you been in any tall grass recently?

In the hamptons over the weekend,

Yes, with my kid. Why?

No reason.

Larry, you saved my life.

- Ah.
- Now go do what you do.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hey, everybody, let's get back to work.

- All right.
- All right.

Pick it up from kramer's entrance.

- Yup.
- All right.

Larry, i want you back.

Let's go home and make love.

( People chatting )

( People crying )


( Phone rings )

- Jerry: hello. Hey.
- Hey. So guess what.

- What?
- Show's back on.

- Get out of here!
- Yeah!

- Unbelievable.
- I know!

- What did you do?
- I talked to goodman

- And i straightened it out.
- And you apologized.

- No.
- Well, listen. You'll never believe what happened to me.

I'm driving along--
I'm in beverly hills--

You'll never guess who i bump into.

- I give up.
- Meg ryan.

- Who?
- Meg ryan.

- Really?
- And i said, "you are absolutely

Our dream cast

For george's ex-Wife."

- And she's gonna do it!
- What?

- I'm gonna put her on. Hold on.
- Meg: larry!

Isn't this great! George's ex-Wife!

( Laughs ) i can't bel--
It's such a great idea.

Anyway, i just wanted to
say thanks. Here's jerry.

Jerry: show's back on! Meg ryan's in!

We are gold!

( Theme music playing )