Criminal Minds (2005–…): Season 15, Episode 4 - Saturday - full transcript

Aah!

Hmm.

Drop your weapon.

Mmm!

Oh! And that's when I wake up.

It's been the same dream for the past week.
What do you think?

I've heard it before.You have?

It's a very common anxiety
dream among law enforcement.

Sometimes secret service agents have
one about not taking the bullet.

What do you think it means?

The axe murderer
comes across having



schizoaffective disorder,
which is odd because of...

Spencer, that's a profile.

What does the dream
make you feel?

You know,
when we started a few weeks ago,

you said you wanted to
dive into the deep end,

trying to resolve feelings
toward a co-worker.

Jj and I have worked through it.
We're actually... we're doing great,

especially after what she's been through.
It's kind of amazing...

But we... we're not
talking about her,

we're talking about you.

You've been at the bau
for 14 years?

15. At a job that

dominates your time and focus.

Must take a lot out of you.



Sometimes, but I
love it, though.

But we all need healthy outlets,

so, what are yours?

Uh, well, I read, I, um...

Who do you talk to?

I, um... well, jj,

rossi, Luke.

Who do you talk to
outside of work?

Nobody.

All right, time's almost up.

Take today.
Don't think about work.

Don't think about work?
What do you mean?

Not even a little bit.

I want you to have
one normal conversation

with one normal person,
then come back and tell me about it.

Or I could come up
with a plan about what I

was going to say, you know,
before actually executing it...

Just do it.

Ok.

Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

Phone.

Hi. Sorry. Yeah.
I'm here.

Just some guy in the elevator.

Oh.

Oh, my.

The holes don't line up.

And the color really...

Announces itself.
And don't start.

I accidentally ordered...
Red online.

It's custom-made.
There's absolutely no returns,

so I'm pretending to love it.

Can't you paint it anything else?
I tried that.

It's made out of some kind
of, like, some kind

of space-age polymer and
the paint won't even stick.

Oh, man.

This used to be my office,

and now I'm working
at the kitchen table.

We're holding this together
with scotch tape and bubble gum.

Looks like we've got our work
cut out for us. Where's prentiss?

Oh, I'm here. Ooh.
But not to work.

I put myself
on refreshment duty.

Oh, what?
It's my Saturday, too.

And doughnuts are
an anytime food

if you've done pilates with your
boyfriend, which I have.

All right. The kids are
off to my mom's. How can I help?

No, you're off-duty.

Also, the more you look at this crib,
the more you might consider a divorce.

Yeah, I checked
the color on the web site.

It's called "daddy issues red."

I made a mistake, ok?

Mm-hmm.

Babe, it's... it's a good crib.

It's a good crib.

Prentiss.

Uh, yes, I approved Penelope
Garcia's use of the bau office,

as today she's hosting
a weekend workshop on...

What?

How loud is the music?

You just hacked into
the he-man/woman-hater web site.

In order to run your password sniffer,
you had to drop your firewall.

You have been back-hacked!
What are you gonna do?

So you have, like,
30 seconds

before he broadcasts your I.P.

To all his boys!

Hey, wait. Um, heh!
Look at that.

Oh. You are out,
number 2.

That's pretty good.

That's ok.

You've ruined everything.

You two are doing
good with 4 hands.

Excuse me.

Hey, number 4.
Elizabeth, right?

You were the first across the finish line.
You're really good with this.

Thanks. Think the
workshop has helped.

Uh, I was wondering if
you could show the class

how to use a vpn to mash an
onion router in, say, Romania.

Romania? Yeah, you're
not gonna need that

unless you got
to hide your signal,

I mean, like,
hide-hide your signal.

I know.

Who are you hiding from?

Uh, I have a, you know,
stalker. Heh!

But it's all online,
so it's probably fine, right?

Maybe, probably, but...
Do you need my help?

Maybe...

Probably, yeah.

Yeah? Ok. Um, let's
start with this.

Do you think it's a stalker

or just, like, a troll?

'Cause sometimes it's hard
to tell the difference.

Check for yourself.

It's bad... Right?

Uh...

Yeah. Yeah, it's bad.

Captioning made possible by
abc studios, llc and CBS, inc.

"The only reason why"

"we ask other people
how their weekend was

is so we can tell them
about our own weekend."

Chuck palahniuk.

I sent the rest
of the class home.

Thank you, guys, for coming.
I know you have the day off.

Well, will totally has the sleepover
covered, so I'm happy to be here.

Yeah, and as long as I make
it to dinner with my dad, I'm good.

I mean, we should be able to knock
this out by the end of the day.

Oh. Now, should we bring in
the rest of the team?

Because we do have that
holding us up.

Do you remember, like, 30 seconds
ago, when you thanked us?

Yeah. We were so young then.

Anyway, Elizabeth wise.
Uh, she lives alone, currently single.

Has she gone to the police?

Many times, and they
haven't been able to find

who is doing it,
let alone stop them.

The violent content of the
messages seems to be escalating:

"You ruined
the good thing we had.

You bang everyone else,
but not me."

Sounds to me like an incel.

Ugh. Icky online culture
of the involuntary celibate.

Usually they just stay
behind the screen.

They're too cowardly to have
a personal confrontation.

Yeah, these surveillance photos
really raise the threat level.

I mean, if he knows
her routine this well,

it's got to be an ex-boyfriend.

I've compiled that list.

Tara, jj,
see what stands out.

Ok.

Alvez will be going with me
to Elizabeth's apartment.

Now, she says no one's broken
in, but I'm not convinced,

so let me get her keys
so we can check it out.

And now we will...

Wheels up.

We're not going anywhere.

Shut up, shut up.
Just because you look like that

doesn't mean you can do whatever you
want with this part of your face.

How does prentiss make this look easy?
Ok, come on! Geez!

Mmm, have fun.

Why are we doing any
of this work?

Don't you have so many kids at
this point that the big ones raise

the little ones, like on
those reality shows?

How many kids do you
think we have?

I don't know. 15?

Uh, Emily,
there's someone at the door for you.

All right. Hold my beer.
I got this.

How much has she...

Two glasses,
8 doughnuts.

7 doughnuts!

Ooh.

Emily prentiss?

Yes.

You have been served.

Hey, wait.
How'd you find me here?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

So, your old neighbor
is suing you,

even though you haven't
lived next door to him

in years?
I guess.

Uh, he's named me and the
government as co-defendants

in a fifth amendment
civil rights violation.

He says he's being watched.

Oh, boy.

Ugh. Brian garrity.

He... I think he worked
at a fish hatchery.

He had a wife who was
way out of his league.

Oh, and he had a large cat

that he would walk on
this leash-type thing.

And what do you want
to do about it?

I... I... I want to uber home

and, uh, sober up
and change my clothes

and then I'm going to
call him in to Quantico.

I have to defuse this
before it gets worse.

What? Say it.

He sounds like
a conspiracy theorist,

and we need to be careful of how
much oxygen we give those types.

Please,
Dave, a little credit.

I've talked the guns out
of hands of psychopaths.

I can handle one kook
who hired a lawyer.

Jj,
on phone: Hey, Spence.

Hey, I got Garcia's text.
You guys need me to come in?

No, it's a stalking case.

I think we have
enough hands on deck.

Are you sure? I... i
can totally come in.

All you have to do is say the word.
You know what?

Just say that.
Just say "the word" and I'll...

Say any word and I'll come in.
Want me to come in?

Do you... Want to come in?

That's a strange haircut.

Excuse me?

I said that's a strange
haircut for a grown man.

Is that me you're talking to?

Most men don't have
hair like that.

Did you know that?
Hey, let me call you right back.

Are you... you lost? You ok?

You have a very slender neck.

It makes your head look big.
Did you know that?

That's why I noticed
the haircut.

Where are your parents?

Can I touch it?

Uh, you know what? Maybe not.

No, no, no, no.
Don't touch this guy.

We don't know him.
Seriously, dude?

I... I was worried
that he was lost.

He asked to touch my hair.

I was trying to not
have him touch my hair.

Oh, no, no, no!

Please, stop, stop, stop!

I was just there
for 30 seconds! No!

Signs are clearly posted,
and once the wheels are

off the pavement, it's
going to the impound lot.

I, uh, I work for the FBI.

Do you think there's
any chance you could

maybe show her some
professional courtesy?

Are you ordering me to let it go?
No, no.

'Cause if you are,
that's a violation

of title 5 code of
federal rules.

If you're trying to intimidate
me, pal, that ship has sailed.

Look, I... I'm not trying to intimidate
you, and I completely

understand that you're just doing your
job, but, I mean,

it's a... it's a mom and a kid.

She's not my mom.

She's my aunt.
You didn't know that.

Address is on the form.

We're stuck here!

We're gonna die!

Look, buddy, just breathe, ok?
Yeah?

We're gonna be fine. Ok.

Ok? I promise you. No, no.

You having a panic attack? Here.

Let me show you
something. Oh, wait.

Behold, an average penny...

97% zinc, 3% copper.

Now, if you focus all of
your attention to the center

of my hand,
you will create a beam of energy

strong enough to make
this penny...

Disappear.

Wha... how'd you do that?!

What the hell, man?

You hit me with this penny.

I'm sorry.

Ha ha ha!

Sorry. Um...

All right, honey.
Uh, say thank you to this nice man.

Thank you. Um...

I don't know.
Let's just go to the park,

and I will call your mom,
and then I will get my car

and pay for it with
money I don't have. Wait.

Can he come with us? Nope.

Uh, no. No. BOY: Please!

I need to know how you did that!

Please?

Please, please?

Technically, I do have
a free afternoon.

Yes!

Uh, ok, but let's just do
us both a favor up front.

Let's agree not to exchange names or
phone numbers, and then, when he goes,

we can just both go our separate ways.
That sound good to you?

Yes.

Great. All right.

The FBI has, like, what,
35,000 employees?

Did you know that? You know what?

I actually did know that.

So what do we know
about this guy?

His name is Billy hanes.
Elizabeth dumped him 6 months ago.

Exactly when the messages started.
Right,

and he is a twitch streamer,
so he makes his living

playing video games day and
night for an online audience.

Technologically savvy,
so he fits that part of the profile.

Plus she said the break-up was
messy, so he fits the whole

"I'm pissed I'm not
having sex" part, too.

You want to tag-team him?

Ho ho! Come at me, sis.

We met in line
at the grocery store.

She dropped a lemon,

I picked it up,
made a lemonade joke.

Smooth. Why'd you break up?

She was that special blend
of clingy and bitchy,

and I was like, "man, I'm
not puttin' up with this."

Yeah, that's not what we heard.

What'd you hear?

You bought an engagement ring
after 3 months of dating,

and it was a little fast
for her, right? Yeah.

That would be
a little fast for anybody.

What can I say?
I thought it was true love.

It wasn't, so I made sure not
to make the same mistake twice.

Like last night, I was having a
threesome with two fans from my channel.

Mmm. Ok. Can we get their names?

Uh... I can give you
their usernames.

Never got around to
asking the real names.

Oh, but I got photos.

Great.

Just give us a sec.

Enjoy.

Oh, yep. Yeah.
That's a... that's a threesome.

All right.
Who would do that with that guy?

Well, but he doesn't
fit our profile, so...

We're looking for an
involuntary celibate,

and Billy here seems to be
having a lot of the sex.

Well, let's keep him anyway.
He might know something that can help.

Plus, it's Saturday; If we have
to stay here, so does that guy.

Ugh.

I don't know
what I was thinking,

donating our perfectly good
crib and spending money on this.

How did you swing it,
financially?

I mean, you were living
paycheck to paycheck.

But I had different
priorities than you have now.

I didn't have kids...
That I knew of.

So how bad is it?

No, we're good,
we're good, for now,

but we did some back-
of-the-envelope math.

College tuition... Times 5 kids.

Yeah. Hmm.

What does kristy think?

Kristy thinks we'll
figure it out.

There's student loans,
there's state school.

Can I see it? See what?

Well, the envelope,
the... the numbers.

No, absolutely not.

Hey, come on, come on, come on.
It's uncle Dave.

All right.

Is this a real number?

What's going on here?
Why is everyone working?

Oh. Stalking case.

I texted you 28 minutes ago.

Alvez and I are going to
the victim's apartment.

Oh, you did. I'm sorry.
Uh, just a little distracted.

Because of that guy
in your office?

He's already here? Yeah.

He was escorted in
20 minutes ago.

And what is that
thing he brought with him?

His own crime board,
and it is complete with crazy-man string.

Oh, um...

Open. "Ah."

Ah.

You're gonna need that.
You have wine breath.

Well, well, well.

Long time, no see.

Please, come into
your FBI office.

Good luck, boss.

How did he get past that?

Probably didn't.

My guess is he hijacked an already
existing device... the camera,

like, her cell phone,
or her computer... which means

that Elizabeth just revealed her whole
life to him without even knowing.

Hey, that's good news. No.

No, this is not good news.
This is terrible news.

This means that he's not piggybacking
off an already existing device.

This means he put
his own listening thing

or a camera in here.
He was in here.

Oh, that means we can find
some physical evidence,

and that's good news.

Ok, I'll give you that.
That's your one for today.

There's something under the bed.

Help me move the bed. Yeah.

Ew. What is that?

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

He's been stalking
her from in here.

I mean, let's start
with the obvious.

This unsub would have
to have a key, or 4,

to get into Elizabeth's
apartment and plant this.

And then take pictures.

Elizabeth's been locked
up tight for 6 months.

She would have seen
anyone coming and going.

Correct,
and we know that because of this,

which is a hard drive inside a
box with its own transmitter.

Alvez and I found this in that
coffin thing of the unsub's.

With... what was he storing on it?

Everything about Elizabeth
and Billy's relationship.

Their mundane moments,

their fights, their...

Babe, slow down there.

And this goes on
for 23 more minutes.

Got it. Got...
We're good. Thank you.

And what's weird on top of
weird is that all that listening

and watching, it abruptly
stopped 6 months ago.

When they broke up for good.

Yeah, and that's when
the violent messages started.

Now, are we sure
that it's not Billy?

I mean, the timeline
matches up perfectly,

and he was in and out
of the apartment.

Yeah, but he's not connected
to the messages in any way,

and he's a gamer,
not a carpenter.

He couldn't have cut a hole
in the floor like that.

It seems to me the
unsub waited for Billy to be

out of the picture before
he made himself known.

Right, and becoming more and more
insistent that she pay attention to him.

I mean, look, maybe she
rejected him in some way,

some innocuous interaction that
he took as a personal affront.

Yeah,
we need to talk to Elizabeth again.

I can do it.
Please, let me do it.

I can ask those questions,
and she's freaking out already.

The last thing she needs is some
random person who won't understand,

making her feel bad about something
she's already really scared about.

Ok, sure.

Fine.

Stripped the screw.

Give me 5 minutes.
I'm gonna run to the hardware store.

Take your time.

Hey, what are you doing?
Let me do that.

Mmm. Feel free,
but these are all for me.

This baby's gonna be chunky.

You know, I don't want to pry,

but I was just curious
what... This is.

Aw, "the Simmons stories."

I love those. Go ahead.

When, uh, when Matt would come home
from his international travels,

he'd tell the kids these amazing
stories about everything he saw.

And I begged him
to write them down,

and he fought me at first,
but then he discovered

that the kids loved them even
more when he read them out loud.

Well, that's a good dad
right there.

That's what I fell in love with.

And that doesn't explain
the traffic cameras

pointed at me that
the FBI uses to surveil me.

They are not pointed at you.

And you know where else
I found them?

In my smart TV,

so any time I'm watching
something, my TV's watching me?

Cui bono, Emily?

That's Latin for "who benefits?"

Yes, Brian, I... i
know what it means.

And yes, there are
cameras around you.

Mm-hmm.
They're around all of us,

but the FBI is not
watching you with them.

Well, isn't it interesting
that the moment

I take steps to expose this,

you decide to sit down
with me? I mean...

I am sitting down with you
because you're suing me.

Please,

have a seat. I'm...

How have you been?

How's Patricia?

Not good!

She left me.

She did?

I'm sorry.

You two were such a... Couple.

Now this is gonna be
an odd question.

Have you been feeling a weird,

burning sensation,
as though you're

being heated from
inside your body?

Yeah, like a
county fair corn dog.

How do you know this?

It's called targeted
individuals.

These are men and
women who are convinced

that they're being watched
all the time, and it

usually happens after a
sudden emotional loss.

I promise, you aren't.

Why did you fake your own death?

What?

In 2010, ya died.

I watched them empty out
your apartment.

Then, in 2016,
you're magically back at the FBI?

I, um, it's... Complicated.

I just thought he was
watching me from outside.

But he was inside,
lying under my bed

in a hole this whole time,
and I had no idea?

Don't think about that, ok?

You have to focus on what
we can do to catch him.

Did someone ask you out
that you said no to?

No,
I don't talk to anyone like that.

It might not have been a
rejection on your part.

No, you don't get it.

I don't talk to anyone.

I... I don't open my front door.

I'm, like, locked
inside my own life.

I... I lay awake all night!
I haven't slept in months!

I'm unsafe in my own apartment,

and I'm not... where do I go?

I... I'll tell you where, ok?

There is an office
down the hall,

and it's got a super-comfy couch

and a really warm blanket.

He cannot get to you
there, I promise, ok?

We are gonna go find him,

and you're gonna hang out there and relax.
Sound good?

So then, yeah,
I decided to parlay

a highly lucrative art history
degree into teaching, so I...

I teach. Art history?

I teach art,
just to first-to third-graders.

Oh, that's amazing.

Amazing? Really?

Would you call turkeys
made out of hands amazing?

I... I would call turkeys
made out of hands amazing,

and I also... I think that the
world needs more teachers.

Good ones, at least.

Ok, what's going on here?

Is this part of some kind
of long-con pickup move?

No. No?

Ok, then what is it?

I'm supposed to have
a normal conversation

today with, uh, a normal person,

and you strike me
as being normal.

What? Ha!

All right, so let me
get this straight.

I'm part of your homework

to locate someone normal.

Well, it sounds weird when you
say it like that, but what I... I...

I've been having this
recurring, uh, workplace dream...

No. Yep. No. Stop.

Just... I don't like it when
people talk about their dreams.

Well, I was... i...
I wasn't going to tell you about my dream.

I was basically just, uh,
talking about my dream

to illustrate the point that dreams
can provide a lot of insight.

To you.

A workplace dream means
there's something

stressful going on
at your work, which

I think you said was
the FBI, so yeah.

FBI stuff, crime, go.

Is it weird
if I don't tell you what I do?

Because this is the first
conversation I've had in a long time

where I'm not defined
by my job, and it...

Is nice.

Max!

Max?

Yes, short for Maxine,
which I hate.

Here you go.

Mom, this is Spencer.

This is your magic penny now.

Aw, thank you.

Why is my child exchanging
money with a stranger?

It's a long story,
but I... I vouch for him.

Your son is
remarkable, by the way.

Thanks. She's single,
by the way.

Good-bye, Michelle.

It's our father's dream
to marry her off.

There's a super sad dowry,
if that sweetens the pot.

Good-bye, Michelle.

Bye. Bye.

I still don't know
what normal is, but...

This has been nice,
so thank you.

Hey.

That dream of yours...

Yeah?

Do you want to tell me about it?

Oh...

I really want to find this perv,
and I don't know what I'm missing.

Hey, stop for a second.

I know you take our cases
personally, ok, but not like this.

Want to talk about it?

There's this guy,

alexei stanovich, and
he's been bothering me,

messaging me and asking me why
I'm not barefoot and pregnant

and explaining in detail
how he's gonna kill me.

Hey, why haven't you
told anyone about this?

Alexei stanovich lives in St.
Petersburg, Russia, so he's ungettable,

and the thing is, it's not even the
worst thing I have to deal with.

Like, the interactions
I have on the web, I...

It's just part of my job.
How is that possible?

You don't even like to look
at crime scene photos.

I don't think I've ever
told anybody this...

But the reason why I don't
look at crime scene photos

is because I kind of
have my own version.

Sometimes the places on the
web I need to go are riddled

with rape jokes
and racial epithets,

and if you can't
take it, get out

of the chat room,
you stupid, fat b-tard.

I can't stop alexei stanovich,

but this guy...

I'm gonna find this guy.

I can't fully
explain why I left the FBI.

I was undercover.

Emily, I'll make it simple for you.
You have two choices.

You can tell me
the truth now or in court.

Oh.

Hey. Sorry to interrupt.

Um, do you have a second? Prentiss: Yeah.

If you'll excuse me.

Look, Garcia's in a tailspin

trying to find
Elizabeth's stalker.

It looks like you
are, too. You ok?

No. He's dug in.

Well, that's the problem
with targeted individuals.

You can't convince them
their delusion isn't real,

and the only strategy that
works is just to indulge them

until they're no longer a threat
to themselves or others and...

Why are you looking
at me like that?

Did you notice how he
checked you out?

Yeah, yeah, it felt like I needed
a thick coat or some kind of taser.

That's because you look like
his wife who just left him.

I look like that man's wife?

Somebody married that man?

It's more of
an attitude... strong,

forthright, convincing.

No.

Tara, he's gonna sue me. Please?

You owe me a lot of drinks.

Brian. Hi.

I'm ssa Lewis. Mm-hmm.

I guess you could say I'm
the woman behind the woman,

if you know what I mean.

Oh, yes, I do.

You know,
since you've uncovered so much,

I feel comfortable
leveling with you.

You are being watched...

I knew it.

But not by us.

Think about it.

Shh.

All you need to know

is that it's not the bureau.

But if you move forward
with this court case...

I risk exposing
the wrong people.

Exactly.

Man, Brian, you are a smart guy.

So...

Let's you and I
discuss next steps.

Oh!

Don't... do that! I'm sorry.

I thought I could help,
maybe be another set of ears?

But first...

Oh, it's been hours. Well...

And then
the axe comes down and...

Thank you so much... I wake up.

Ok, so the guy with the
axe... do you recognize him?

No, it's like an anonymous face.

All right, look...

You don't want to tell me what you
do, and that's fine,

but it's very clear to
me that something at work

is really stressing you out.

I mean, last week I did think that my
co-worker got blown up by a mail bomb.

Then the week before that, my best
friend was shot and put into a coma.

Weekend before that,
she and I were in a hostage situation,

so... yeah, I, uh,

I think you might be right
about my job being stressful.

Hey, what's that,
um, that hormone

that gets released,
the fight or flight thing... cortisol.

It seems to me you have to find
a way to ignore that at work.

Remember when you were a kid?

You could just get on
your bike and just ride

until you had to come
home for dinner?

Conceptually, yes,
but practically, no.

Ok, but look,
you understand that people don't really

do that anymore
because somewhere

along the way,
something got lost?

Trust?

Yeah, exactly.

So take today, for example.

I see a strange man
talking to my nephew.

Boom! There goes the cortisol:

Risk, danger, threat.

But then, you performed
a magic trick.

That actually... it wasn't magic.
I just... I took the penny

and I threw it behind his head.
No, not that.

You took time out of your day

to calm down a little boy,

a kid who you didn't know,
who you'd never met before,

and you know what I call that?
I call that decency.

Thanks.

Ooh. Magic penny.

What do you mean?

Oh, my gosh! Not decent!

Worth it, though! Oh, man.

Don't touch me! Oh, my... oh!

Oh! Right in the face!
There! You like that?

BILLY, ON TAPE: No, it's my turn...
Wait.

Wait, wait, wait.
Do you notice that?

Notice what?

No, it's my turn to get a back
rub, not to give one.

Ok, fine.
Where's the clicker? I hate this show.

Here. Take it.

Watch something you want.

Do you see that?
The audio levels.

Aha. Is that consistent
with the other recordings?

Babe, slow down, there.

Hmm.
I can't right now.

Every single one.

Did we do it? Did we find it?

You found it. I found it.

I found it.

Billy's voice is louder than
Elizabeth's in all of the recordings.

Could that be a mistake,
I mean, a faulty recording?

No, absolutely not.
It's intentional. Why?

'Cause the microphone is on Billy's
side of the bed, not Elizabeth's.

It was him he was listening
to the whole time.

The unsub wasn't stalking
her, he was stalking him.

Homophobia runs rampant online.

If he was deeply closeted,

he could have been too scared
to tell Billy how he feels.

But I'm not gay.

Ok, it's... it's not that simple.

Uh, this is a mutual
friend that made a point

to stay in your life
after the breakup.

She got most of the friends.

Billy, come on. You did.

Ok, we don't need
to re-litigate the breakup.

This is someone who is good
at computers and locks

and carpentry; That's how
he was able to do this.

If he's like what you're
saying, why did he go after her,

and why not me?

Because... you live on the fourth floor.
I live on the first.

He did to her what
he couldn't do to you.

Billy, what is it?

Well, he wasn't a friend, but...
Elizabeth had this neighbor.

You remember Hayes,
on the second floor?

He's... he's harmless. He...

No, I thought so, too.
He was a locksmith.

When we started dating,
he told me he was into live-streaming,

and I got the sense that...

He wasn't into
streaming as much as...

He was into you.

Yeah.

I'm going to track down
this Hayes.

Mm-hmm. You guys were right.

We can't let our baby
sleep in this.

Mm-mmm.

Actually, I was talking
to kristy about your

financial situation.

You were? Kristy: Uh, I...

I told him we don't
take handouts.

Now, my idea is more in the
"teach a man to fish" vein.

I... I was looking at some
of your journals.

"The Simmons stories"?

I did those as a lark
for the kids.

Hey, there's a talent
there, and that talent

could be the answer
to your problems. How?

I've made a very good living
writing true-crime novels

from our cases, but it's
time to pass on the Baton

to you.

Write a book?
I... I wouldn't even know where to start.

That's where I come in.

You'd be doing me a favor.

We'd both get paid,
and I don't have to do half the work.

Say yes.

Say yes. Yes.

And thank you. Thank you.

Fantastico! Mwah!

Ha ha! And my name will
still be first on the cover.

Ok.

Oh! Oh, my.

What is it? Is that...

Yeah, uh, my water just broke.

You know, I don't normally
wear stuff like this,

but I think I look pretty cool.

Yeah, I think, uh,
triple-x is a good look for you.

Heh heh! Do you feel normal?

No, not in the slightest,
but I feel decent, so...

Sorry.

Kristy's in labor.

Who's kristy? My... my friend's wife.

I, uh, should probably go.

I... look, I know that we
said no, uh, names

and no phone numbers, but...

I would really like to
do this again sometime,

preferably... with you.

So, uh...

What do you do for
the FBI, for real?

I'm a profiler.

I use psychology to find people.

Good.

Find me.

So did you call your lawyer?

Yes. We're dropping the
case against the FBI,

but the NSA,
that's gonna be a tough nut to crack.

Do you know anybody over there,
a deep throat who could deep-throat me?

Uh, no, um, no, I don't,

but this is my friend,
Dr. Hoyer, and he

can definitely put you in
touch with people who can help.

Finally, someone
who gets it. Ha ha ha!

Let's talk about psychotronic weapons
'cause that's where they get you.

Heh! I love him.

We got him.

Oh! Ha ha!

Thank you so much.

Red!

Yeah. You chose red?!

What do you want?
The crib, I can... I can...

I can paint it,
I can duct-tape it...

Just burn it, burn it! Ok, ok.

Kristy, Matt,
time to start pushing.

Anything?

No, not yet.

Hey, you.

Moi?

You... took your whole
day off to help Elizabeth.

Elizabeth.

And that was very kind of you.

How about this?

You get a lead
on alexei stanovich,

you keep me on speed-dial.

Deal.

That feel good?

That feel good? Oh.

Aw. Yeah.

It's a girl.

What's...
What's her name?

Her name is Rose Mary Simmons.

Closest we could get to rossi.

Ah! Oh!

It's a beautiful name,

and it goes with
her Rose-red crib.

When can we meet her? Right now.

Kristy can't wait
to show her off.

Wait, wait, wait.
Um, so this is a new look for you.

What do you think?

I like it.

But what did you do on a
Saturday to get you into it?

Just, uh...

I had a conversation.

Oh... conversation.

Well, whoever this
conversation was with...

Just put a smile on your face I
haven't seen in a really long time.

So...

You know, there's only so many people
they can fit in the delivery room,

so... I'll wait. I, uh,

I should say hello to the baby.

And you will, you know,
a... a week from now.

The baby will still be a baby

and will have two very tired
parents that will want your help.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Go.

Took you long enough.

Stay tuned for scenes
from our next episode.

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