Creepshow (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Dead and Breakfast/Pesticide - full transcript

"Old Lady Spinster,"
her guest hissed,

as he begged for his life.

If you listen closely,

you can still hear the cries
of her victims.

The cries of her victims!

Oh, beware!
Beware!

Beware, beware!

Beware!

But you still have
two nights left

on your reservation!

I told you
we should've gone to Dollywood!



Who would want to stay here?
These people are frauds!

This fake blood
sure stains.

How grandmother was able
to get real blood

out of this carpet,
I'll never know.

Right?

Hey, Granny, share with us
your secret, would ya?

I mean, give us
some of that sage advice.

"Sell the house!

Change your name
and start a new hotel!"

Wow, did you hear that?

That's some really
good advice there.

It's not funny, Sam!
Just show some respect.

Come on, sis, just admit it.

Nobody wants to stay
in a murder house.



This isn't just
some murder house.

This is our house.

- It's morbid!
- It's family.

People like horror.

People like being scared.

- Crazy people.
- Don't.

I'm not saying you're crazy,
I'm just...

Our customers are out there.

We just have to find them.

Look at this.

Lizzie Bord-Inn, booked.

Dahmer Apartment, booked.

John Wayne Gacy
Circus Tent, booked.

Us, nothing.

What is it gonna take
to get us on the map?

Grandmother was America's
first female serial killer.

That's a big deal.

If only the world knew
you were so groundbreaking.

And so psychotic.

What up, killers?
It's TheMorgueCases.

Today I got to check
another crime scene

off my mass murder bucket list
and spent the night

in Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment.
It was so great!

That's it! Influencers.

I need stupid, vapid, "Like
and Subscribe" influencers.

Okay, we reach out to this girl.
We offer her a free night.

We wine and dine
and frighten her,

and then, boom, positive review.

You lost me at "free."

I'm at the Spinster
Murder House,

and if you've never heard of it,
don't be ashamed.

This one is a deep cut,
even for The Morgue.

The story goes that
80 years ago,

Old Lady Spinster, the
proprietor of this hotel,

murdered an untold
number of guests.

After confessing to her crimes,
she died in an insane asylum.

Uh, no. Hi.

Actually, she did not die
in an insane asylum.

She died peacefully
in a retirement home.

And this, my morbid viewers,

is Lady Spinster's
own granddaughter.

That's me, proud Spinster.
The name, not the other way.

- You know how it is, Morgan.
- Call me Morgue.

Now, you inherited this place
from your grandmother?

Yes, we did,
my brother and I.

Hi.

Go ahead and say hi
to our viewers, Mr. Spinster.

Oh, are they,
she's live right now?

Yeah, but don't worry.
This is my BTS stream.

Only a few thousand
people are watching.

Um, welcome to
the Spinster Murder House!

This way to the deception den.

Ooh!

The house got gift points
for creep factor.

Grandmother
designed it herself.

Some even say the house
drove her to kill.

No, they don't.

You have
a shrine of her?

I love it!
It's so trashy.

Wow. It's working!

Oh,
the stream dropped.

That's the steel panels
in the walls.

Grandmother had them installed.

To muffle
the screams of her victims.

Oh my god.
That's horrible.

Is there Wi-Fi?

This place sure is a maze.

That's the whole point, dear.

You see, grandmother designed
the architecture of this house

to confuse and then trap
her victims.

See, that's what happens
to guests

when they break the house rules.

Rules?

My grandmother
was very strict.

Rule number one, no smoking.

Oh, and then
there's rule number two,

absolutely no feet
on the furniture.

And of course,
and most importantly,

rule number three:

- no noise after dark.
- No!

The blood of everyone
who broke grandmother's rules

still stains the walls
of this house.

Looks more like rust.
Do you have leaky pipes?

No. No, no, no, no, no.
That's blood.

Well, then,
what happened to the bodies?

They never found them.

Then how do you know
it's true?

Because she confessed.

If there's no body,
then there's no murder.

That's like True Crime 101.

Perhaps she fed them
to her victims.

And the bones?

They were tossed
down this corpse chute

to a secret basement below.

- That's just a dumbwaiter.
- Or a dead waiter.

I don't know.
It just seems a little thin.

What's that
supposed to mean?

It's just,
I've studied every serial killer

from John Eric Armstrong
to Kevin Lee Zimmerman,

and I've never heard of
the Spinster case

until you emailed me.

How do you know she wasn't
just some crazy old woman

who built a wonky house?

You have no idea
what you're talking about.

I mean, grandmother was
a world-class serial killer,

and I'll bet if she was
here right now,

she'd hack you to pieces!

What she meant was
if you need anything,

let us know.

This house is
definitely spooky,

but I don't know
about the owners.

They're kinda creepy,

and I don't mean creepy
in a fun way.

Like, sad creepy.

"There's no body.
There's no murder."

Can you believe her?

Accusing dear old grandmother
of not killing anyone?

Just stop
complaining, okay?

We're not doing this for her.
We're doing it for her viewers.

Whoa.

What the hell's happening
with our reservations?

I bet it's her.

So far the only thing I'm sure
Old Lady Spinster killed

is my vacation.

This little brat
is gonna ruin us.

Oh no, she isn't.

Ah, you're just in time
for breakfast.

I made some sausage and eggs.

I'm vegan.
I think meat is murder.

I thought you liked murder.

Well, yeah,
but just people.

Oh.

Also,
the Wi-Fi's down.

Yes, that, um,
I've actually been on the phone

all morning with
the repair company,

and waiting, you know how it is.

Right.
Well, thanks.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, I wanted to apologize
if I upset you yesterday.

I'm just a stickler
for details, you know?

Don't mention it.

Yeah, I understand that
you true crime people,

you have to ask
a lot of questions.

I think that we should
keep an open mind,

which is why I was thinking

maybe we could do
a little investigating today.

What kind of investigating?

Look around the house
for any unmarked entrances,

hidden doors,
overlooked crawlspaces.

Maybe find where
all those bodies ended up?

The police already did
an extensive search.

Like, years ago,
and I bet back then

they didn't have
stuff like this.

Metal detector.

Ultra-wide band radar scanners.

Infrared camera.

Now, who's ready
to find some bodies?

Oh, look!

Chemical stains.

Grandmother's secret
stash of poisons.

That's her stash
of poisons, all right.

Gin.

Brandy.

- Are these iron walls?
- Like I said, all metal.

You said steel.

Any objection
if I open this wall?

Be my guest.

Looks like
some kind of vault.

Oh my god.

This is it.

Grandmother's corpse locker.

You know how
to open a safe?

Like I said,
I love true crime.

I just know this is where
grandmother hid the bodies.

That should do it.

Would you like to do
the honors, Pamela?

Looks like
Old Lady Spinster

was just a spinster.

No.

No, she must've used
this sewing machine

to sew and then wear
the flesh of her victims.

I mean, there could be
any number of torture chambers

or secret passages
in this house, or...

- Just stop, okay? Stop it!
- ... doors in this thing.

Or wait, there could be
a latch or something!

There can be...

Face it, Pamela.

Old Lady Spinster
never killed anyone.

- She was just crazy...
- I'm not crazy!

She didn't
call you crazy, Pam, okay?

Now stop it.

Just because
we haven't found any bodies

doesn't mean that
she didn't kill anyone.

She was a homicidal genius!

She was greater than Wuornos!
Greater than Bundy!

You will see the Spinster name
will live forever!

This place is a total scam.

The owners are
complete whack jobs.

One-star rating only 'cause
I can't give it zero.

Save the gas money and avoid
the Spinster Murder House.

Trust me, I wouldn't
be caught dead here.

Whatever, I'll stop
at a Starbucks.

You need to calm down.
We need her to live document.

You confronting her
is the last thing we need.

I can't believe it.

She doesn't believe
any of it.

She's probably giving us
a bad review right now.

Can you blame her?

You're screaming and going on
like some crazy person.

Thank you,
Old Lady Spinster.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Let's hope you lead
to an exit.

The writing's
on the wall.

We've been losing money
for the last three years!

The roof leaks,
the plumbing's shot.

Well, thank you!
Are you gonna fix it?

Maybe we can get
that little brat to go along.

How are you
gonna do that?

Are you gonna threaten her,
or are you gonna pay her

with all the money we have?
Let's face it,

this whole macabre bed and
breakfast thing is doomed.

And frankly, I'm happy that
grandma hasn't killed anybody

'cause now I don't have
to feel guilty over

being a part of
some crazy family!

She wasn't crazy.

This is our home, Samuel,
and I will die before

I let that girl destroy
what we've built.

- You're scaring me.
- Good.

Maybe that's just what
the little bitch needs,

a good scare from an old ghost.

Boy, sure is a good thing
I brought my mace!

It's made with ghost peppers.

You know,
to keep away the ghosts?

What the hell
is wrong with you?

Oh, Pamela,
is that you?

- Ow!
- I could've sworn

it was the ghost of
that crazy old lady.

She's not crazy!

Really?
Take a look at yourself.

This isn't a murder house.
It's a crazy house.

Are you recording this?

- Stop it.
- Oh, no way.

This might be
my favorite shot of you.

Give me that phone.

Give me that phone!
Give me that phone!

You wanted people
to see Old Lady Spinster, huh?

- Shut up!
- So here she is!

I'm looking right at her,
crazy Old Lady Spinster!

Shut up!
You want a murder house?

I'll give you a murder house.

Are you out of
your fucking mind?

You can't hide from me.

This is my house.

Beware!

Pam?

Where's the latch?

I know it's here somewhere.

Yes!

Hello, Mr. Modem.

Okay.

Full signal.
Let's do this.

Help!

I'm trapped in
the Spinster house!

Somebody call 911!

I'm at the Spinster house!
She's gonna kill me!

Pam.

Isn't this what
you always wanted?

Please, please,
I'm sorry, okay?

Some real true crime
in your life?

No!

Sam? We have to get
the carpet cleaned.

I think...

I think the hardware store
opens at six.

Sam, I need your help.

- Sam?
- I'm right here, sis.

After all, maybe grandmother
didn't kill anybody,

so we can still make this
a murder house!

Good afternoon.
Spinster Murder-Suicide House.

This is Sam.
I am so sorry, ma'am,

but we have no vacancies
until next winter.

That's correct.
Thank you, sir.

Well, if you sign up

for our Spinster Murder-Suicide
House mailing list,

you'll be one of
the first notified of

any of our cancellations.

And we look forward
to seeing you too, ma'am.

Well, sis, I hate to admit it,
but you were right.

There's definitely
a market for horror.

No, no, no!

Please don't kill me,
Miss Spinster!

And now to join
my dear grandmother in hell.

Granny really was
a serial killer!

I'm gonna be rich!

There's a new
sheriff in town, Mr. Bug,

and his name's Harlan King.

Requiestcat in pace,
Beetlejuice.

Who's next?
You know what today is?

It's eight-legged
Armageddon day.

Well, now that's really pretty,
little lady.

Time to die.

Pretty shot to hell and gone.

Pretty frickin' dead!

Hello?

King Pest Control?

Shh.

King Pest Control.

"Step into my parlor,"
said the asshole spider

to the terror-dominant fly.

"Why, it's mass insecticide!"

The King has arrived!

Excuse me, Mr. King,
I'm with a patient, working,

- as you're supposed to be.
- I'm done already.

Stinkbugs, spiders,
moths, worms.

Kaput.
Just a couple of birds.

Not many.
I left them on the porch.

Please wait in the parlor.

Oh, well, first,
I need you to remit my fee

as per our agreement,
which I believe came before

this easy chair action?

I'll be
right with you.

Sorry, I can't bring
all the creepy-crawlies

back to life and kill 'em
all over again.

That's not how
that works, doctor.

A little professional courtesy
would be nice, just sayin'.

Now, you and me,

we're kind of in the same
business, aren't we, doc?

Help people eliminate
little problems.

Please stop talking.

Mr. King, I trust this is
the last time

I will ever see you.

Please feel free
to lose my number.

Oh, sure, no problem.

Just, uh, call me
whenever you want me back.

What makes you think
I would ever want you back?

'Cause there's only one King,
and I'm it, doc.

They call back always.
You will too.

Bye-bye.

She doesn't know
who she's talking to.

She doesn't know how to
deal with the public.

"Lose my number!"

Yeah, we'll see about that.

You'll call back.

Roaches check in,
but they don't check out.

All right,
you guys know the drill.

Be fruitful and multiply.

The King has spoken.

Damn it.

Is it East Willard
or West Willard Boulevard?

No, no, no, no, shh.

You're not gonna crap out
on me too, are you?

Gonna be stranded
in this flooded toilet.

Don't do it.
Do not do it.

Shh, come on.

Well, that's great.

Don't bother to have
any numbers on the buildings.

Y'ello?
King Pest Control!

The King has arrived!

Yo?

King Pest Control?
You cry, bugs die.

You got about 30 seconds
before

- I get out of here.
- Mr. King?

- Yeah, that'd be me.
- Thank you for coming.

My name is Murdoch.
You may call me Mr. Murdoch.

I appreciate your time.
I already know that

your services are
in great demand.

Uh, yeah, right, yeah.
There's only one King.

Of course.

So what's the problem?

Do I gotta guess?
Uh, look, I can handle anything

from fleas to
alligator infestations.

I have
no doubt whatsoever

as to your efficacy, Mr. King.

You come very
highly recommended.

Really? A referral? Who?

Well, I'm not
at liberty to reveal that,

but I do know that you come from
decades of experience,

a family trade, in fact,

handed down from your uncle,
currently incarcerated?

Hey, what's that
gotta do with anything?

Oh, apologies.

Oh, it's immaterial.

It has no bearing at all
on our business.

Tell me, Mr. King,

would you enjoy owning
a new service van?

What do you mean?
The one I got's okay.

Well, I could hear you coming
from half a mile away.

Oh, listen, don't be upset.

I believe that
I could be the solution of

many such problems of yours,

provided you help me with
problems of mine.

Special drugs
for special bugs, Mr. Murdoch.

- I make vermin die squirmin'.
- Quite.

Well, permit me to apprise you
of my problem.

My vermin problem.

See, I have...

I've owned this property
for quite some time.

In fact, I have several
just like it,

and I'm poised to have them all
razed and refurbished

into condominium complexes.

If I'm satisfied
with your results,

there could be
a great deal more work

just like this for you,
full-time work.

Well, twist my arm,
lead me to it.

My problem is
I can't begin the renovations

until my infestation issue
has been dealt with.

Come take a look.

Oh, easy-peasy.
No mystery there.

Rats are attracted to
the food waste

these vagrants
leave lying around,

plus fetid garbage,
plus human waste.

I got just the cocktail.

Nitrobenzene plus
brotophyllocum.

Vitamin K antagonist
anticoagulant.

Kills rats dead.

Hell, it'll kill
rabbits, possums.

Just about anything.

I didn't say anything
about rats, Mr. King.

You did mention something
about human waste?

Well, there you go.

I've tried every conventional
method of removing them.

The city officials
have been no help.

The civil authorities claim
it's not their responsibility.

I've had the police
remove them several times.

I've run out of options.

You want me to
get rid of these people?

I want you to resolve
my vermin issue.

Do you know what
they cook in those kettles?

Animals!
Stray dogs and cats.

I shudder to think what else
they might be cooking.

You know what,

I don't do murder for hire.
I'm outta here.

That's all you do, Mr. King!
Who do you think you're kidding?

No, no, no, no!

This is not the same as
anything that I do!

Of course it is!
Here.

Look before you leave,
as they say.

Now that is a lot of money.

Surely one of your special
chemical cocktails

will do the trick.
Drugs for bugs, as you say.

After all, you are the King.

Aren't you?

All hail the King.

Okay, okay,
maybe just one.

I-I-I could...
I mean, I could do one.

It ain't worth it.

Now wait a minute.
Sir?

Sir?

Damn it.

How dare you,
you frickin' little monster?

In my house?
My house?

Gotta give you credit
for some balls.

A for effort, Mr. King.

Unfortunately,
you lost your nerve, didn't you?

Is that Murdoch?

That means
you're not the King, doesn't it?

No, no, no,
what are you doing?

Oh,
and one more thing.

Now you really
are King.

The crap is it now?

Oh.

They must've ate it all.

The soup, the poison,
every one of 'em.

You've reached
Murdoch Ventures Limited.

Please leave a succinct...

Ah,
the hell with you too,

you one-percent shitbag.

God.
See, come on.

God!

Holy shit!

Damn it,
leave me the hell alone!

We're sorry.
The number you dialed...

Shit!
Shit!

What the hell?

Mr. King.

Mr. King.

Can you hear me?

What are you doing here?

I need your help.
I mean, I need to talk to you.

You're hurt.
I called an ambulance.

No!
No ambulance, please.

You said you listen to people

and you help them
with their problems.

Yes, but you obviously need
medical attention.

I'm not equipped.

No, no, no, no, no, please,
I've done something!

I've done something bad
and I need your help!

You have to help me!

Okay.
Okay.

What's going on.

I don't know why
I said yes.

I was gonna say no,
but then I saw the guy

with the briefcase
and I was like, oh,

and I thought all that dough
could solve all my problems

- and...
- Mr. King,

you need to slow down.

Take a breath.

Now tell me,
what did he want you to do?

"Do what you do best."
That's what he said.

"Now they're practically
dead already.

They eat dogs and cats
and maybe even people."

Who is it
that said this to you?

The devil.

The man who showed up
in your bedroom

in the middle of the night
in a dream

and now cannot be found,
according to you.

I dropped it into the soup,
the strongest cocktail I got.

I spent years developing it.

It's a joke.
It's my joke.

It's, um, kind of a...
what do you call it?

A mixologist of the trade,

the right drug
for the right bug?

Nitrobenzene, brotophyllocum,
pyrethroids?

They tried to ban it,
but if you know the ingredients,

you can roll your own.

That all
sounds wonderful, Mr. King.

I'm sure you're very good
at what you do.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking
I've got some kind of

overblown guilt complex!

Well, I'm beginning to think
you need a cocktail too!

Bottoms up, doc!

Guilt can be
a powerful drug...

but so is sleep deprivation.

You haven't had any sleep
in a long time, have you?

No.

How could I?

They come even
when I'm asleep.

I see.

I think you need to sit back,
close your eyes,

and maybe take a nap.

I can fetch you
some warm herbal tea,

if you think

that might help.

I've got a roach problem now,

and I think I know why.

No.

No, no, no!

No, no.

- Oh, great.
- Hey, doctor?

Doctor, help?
Doctor, help me, please!

Please help me!
Please, it's me, Harlan King!

You said you'd help!

Damn roaches.

Doc?
Doctor? Doc?

It's me, Harlan!
Is that the drug?

What are you doing?
You said you'd help!

No, no, doctor,
please, it's me!

It's me, please!
Help me!

Please, help me!
What are you doing, it's Harlan!

Please, no, no, no, no, no!

No, it's me!
It's me!

- Damn it.
- No, please! Please!

No!

Coming.

Hello, doctor.
Bug problem?