Creamerie (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript
Bobby finds an unlikely connection with the Sea Captain, while Jaime. Alex and Pip play a high-stakes game and land themselves in very difficult waters.
- You look good.
Hmm. Cute jacket.
Your loyalty to a fascist
murderer has really paid off.
I hope it was worth it.
- Wait here.
- Alex, Pip, Jamie, my girls!
- Hi, Pip.
- What happened to your hair?
- Oh, Michelle just wanted
a change, didn't you?
None of those nasty old bangs.
Come.
I have something to
ask you in private
- Na-na!
Trying to fatten
me up before the kill?
- Righto, you
fucking drama queen.
Just trying to be a good host.
- You're not a good
host if you turn me in.
- Oh, it's not up to me.
It's up to your friends
and whether they can come
up with the goods in time.
- Why you doing all
this, anyway, hmm?
You wanna watch a rat
in a cage, is that it?
- I mean, I was curious.
- About what?
- How it feels.
You like being the
endangered species now?
- Oh, is that funny
to you, is it?
- No.
No, I'm saying I think
I know how it feels.
- You don't know shit about me.
- True.
But I do know about people.
I know about the
violence that they make,
and some of it's meant to hurt.
Fuck those guys.
But the other stuff,
I mean, that's almost
worse, isn't it?
They don't even mean
to dehumanize you.
You just, you're already
so far from human to them.
You're just this...
This thing.
So.
Best way I know how
to un-thing myself
is to indulge uniquely
human pleasures.
Case in point.
- Shoo, shoo.
Pure decadence, isn't it, Pippy?
Have some.
- No thank you.
- You know you want to.
Mm, delicious.
The macaron have real
gold foil on them.
- Fuck the macarons.
Why are we here?
Ugh, okay, fine.
Spoil sports.
My question to you is
what's better than the first
boy baby shower in eight years?
Two boy baby showers.
Oh, goddess.
No, I'm not having twins.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, who else
here is with child?
Jamie, you're gonna have a boy!
- What?
- Using a nifty little
procedure called Nanopore,
we detected fragments of
other DNA in your blood.
Fetal DNA with a Y chromosome.
We know the virus kills
100% of boy embryos
within hours of conception.
For eight years,
we have known there is 100%
mortality of boy embryos.
Until me.
And now until you, too.
Can you believe it?
Oh, isn't it just fantastic?
I know we've had
our ups and downs,
but I firmly believe this
is mother nature's way
of urging a reconciliation.
Constance, I would like some
mummy to mummy time with Jamie.
Watch the others
for me, will you?
- I'll come with you.
Michelle can watch them.
- Ah, I think I
can handle myself.
What is she, 45, 50 kilos?
Come.
Oh, Jamie, come.
I promise it'll be
worth your while.
Watch your head on the way down.
♪ Here's to Bobby,
he's true blue ♪
♪ He's a piss pot
through and through ♪
♪ He's not going to heaven
'cause he went the other way ♪
- Hey!
- Down! Down!
Our boy, yeah!
- Whoa!
- Cheers, mate.
To my last good drink.
- Fucking drama queen.
- You know, on all your
big seafaring adventurous,
you ever see or hear
of others like me?
- I heard the odd rumor, but...
Nah.
You're my first unicorn.
- Pretty shit unicorn,
if you ask me.
More like a jizz
vending machine unicorn.
It's true, though, isn't it?
That's all I am now.
- Not to me, mate.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you mean it?
Boss.
- Fuck!
- Please, please.
- Time's up.
- Get down.
It's not hygienic.
- Oh, don't use your bedroom
voice here, Constance.
- Get down.
- Okay, okay.
- Did you cut your hair?
Why do you let her
treat you like that?
- You don't know her like we do.
- What, she fuck you?
- No, she unfucked me.
- Michelle, after everything
you've seen her do.
Constance, you've seen her, too.
Allowing her to be mayor of
Hiro Valley is one thing.
Allowing her to be prime
minister of the whole country is,
like, a lot another.
- No.
No, goddess, no.
We need a sense of occasion.
- We shouldn't be drinking.
- Wouldn't have picked
you for a prude, Jamie.
The yummy mummies in France
don't deprive themselves.
Why should we?
Voila.
Chalet Ouvert, Le
Chateau Rouge 1999,
as in let's party like it's.
We inherited this from the
French ambassador's estate.
He couldn't take it with him.
Ah, I missed that sound!
Don't you?
Hold these while I make you
a little more comfortable.
Carpe futurum.
My Jim-Jam Jamie.
Mm.
Have some.
Mm.
I was curious.
- About what?
- About whether you really
thought I was gonna share
my baby shower with you.
- So, uh...
So what now?
- I'm gonna cut you
a one-time deal.
- Oh yeah, and what's that?
- You win the sperm lottery.
As many daughters as you want.
You get your farm back.
I guarantee you and
your friends' safety.
And every birthday
you get macaron
and French champagne on moi.
If...
You give me your son
to raise as my own.
You say you're not
feeling well tonight.
Tomorrow you miscarry.
I put you up in
my country house,
we draw up the paperwork,
and in a matter of months
you'll be pregnant again,
only this time you won't have
to worry about their future.
They'll look exactly
like brothers,
and they will want for nothing
in their long, abundant lives,
and neither will you.
That's not a deal.
It's a no-brainer.
Yes or no?
- Fucking no.
- Don't be rash, Jamie
- Don't be selfish.
Don't cut off your nose to
spite your incredible future.
Yes or-
- No means no, you fucking cunt.
- Do you know the expression
pearls before swine?
I can't tell who's stupider,
the pigs who can't
tell what's on offer
or the idiot who keeps throwing
gifts in front of pigs.
Shh, shh, shh.
Not now.
Rest now.
It's okay.
- What?
- I'm fine.
She attacked me, Constance.
You were right to worry.
She's unwell.
She attacked...
- Lane!
Lane!
What's happening?
- Clever little
subcutaneous sleepy juice.
Nicely done, Jamie.
- Thanks. Worked just
like you said it would.
- What did you do to her?
- She'll be fine.
- What did I do to her?
Here's what she just tried
to do to my unborn child.
- You tricked her.
- We all know what
she's capable of.
The only difference this
time, we were ready for it.
- You're all in on this.
You're all in on this.
What is this?
- We made a deal.
What could you possibly
have to offer me
that's worth more than
30 liters of white gold?
- Well, what's worth
more than a tired,
dried-up, haggard
specimen like Bobby?
The literal motherload herself.
- Normal touch won't be enough
to administer the sedative.
You need to scratch as hard
as you can, break the skin,
hold on for at least five
seconds for the full dose.
You got it?
All we needed
now was to get close
to the new Prime Minister.
Nothing less
than treason would get us
into government house,
so we committed the most heinous
treason we could think of.
We knew Lane
would want to talk to us
when she found out Jamie was
pregnant with another boy.
- Isn't it just fantastic?
All we needed
was just the right moment
for Lane to do what
she always does.
Put herself first at all costs.
- Why would you do this?
- Lane's coming with us.
- Over my dead fucking body.
- We're not gonna hurt her.
Bullshit!
- Constance, you don't
owe her a goddamn thing.
Listen. Listen!
You can run this place better
than her any fucking day.
We are taking Lane,
and I swear on my mother's life
that we will ensure her safety
and her safety of her son.
What about you, Bad Hair Day?
Ready to control the
destiny of your own head?
I think you could
rock a pixie undercut.
- Just give us a
10-minute headstart.
That's all we're asking.
10 minutes and then
you sound the alarm.
Make your choice.
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry, are they...?
- They're exes.
- What?
- I know.
Oi, that's my cake!
- Go, go, go!
- Um, excuse me!
That's my cake?
Um, who are you?
- Uh, Health and Safety.
- Well, dress rehearsal
started, like, five minutes ago,
and I'm busting outta that
cake in T minus two minutes,
so let's go.
Oh goddess, why is it so heavy?
Come on!
Push, push!
Can we get a little
bit extra help, please?
- Please, mate.
Just come on, please.
- It's not personal.
- Then you could
personally not do it.
- I've got a crew to feed.
- I believe motherhood
is the most abundant gift
the universe can
bestow on a woman,
let alone the first boy
since the great reset.
I invite you to
celebrate me, us,
and our miraculously
bright future.
- No, stop, stop!
Back a bit.
- No!
- Ah-ah!
- No.
- What?
- It's not safe.
- No, move your hands.
- No.
- Excuse me!
Move!
- Stop!
- Fuck!
You're gonna fucking
pay for this.
♪ Ding dong bell,
pussy's in the well ♪
♪ Who put her in? ♪
♪ Little Johnny Green ♪
- It's not safe! You need
to get down from there!
♪ Who pulled her out? ♪
Just stop it.
♪ Little Tommy Stout ♪
♪ What a naughty boy was that ♪
♪ To drown poor pussy cat ♪
♪ Who never did- ♪
Get off!
♪ Killed all the mice ♪
- There's been an attack!
There's been an attack
in the wine cellar.
- But I'm not finished!
Wait!
Now, now,
now, go, go, go, go!
- Right now.
- Go, go, go, go!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- You have my cake!
- So...
- We're good, mate.
We're fucking good!
- We're good!
We're good!
- Let's get the fuck outta here.
- We're good!
- No.
No, no, no, no!
No!
No!
- Probably a bad
time to tell her
we just crossed into
international waters.
- Last card.
- What?
- I know you've got
no reason to trust me.
I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?
- I'll admit I wanted
to for the longest time,
but this is bigger
than the both of us.
Somehow you're proof of the
hack my mum was looking for.
Anyone here tries to
treat you like shit,
you let me know, okay?
I'm gonna be an auntie soon,
and no one fucks with auntie.
Oi, Jamie.
Your watch.
Gonna be an
interesting two weeks.
- Mate, those coordinates,
I'm telling you,
there's nothing there.
- You agreed.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, your
mum's work, yada yada yada.
As long as I get my end.
- And we get to vet whoever
you're selling her to.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll
make sure the terms
are mutually beneficial.
We sure did bag the motherload.
- You want me to make
you a ginger tea?
- No, I'm good, thanks.
- Hey, girls, the view's
pretty rad up top.
Let's check it out.
- All right, all right.
- What?
- Pick up 10.
- Screw this game.
- Are you actually pregnant?
- Yes.
- With a boy?
- Probably not.
- But the blood test-
- That we knew was coming
'cause you already
tried perming us once.
- The blood test
- That showed up
fragments of fetal DNA
with a Y chromosome,
like you said.
You know who else has
DNA with a Y chromosome?
All it took was a
simple blood transfusion
- You disguised Bobby's
blood as fetal blood.
Oh.
That is really so clever.
That's so resourceful and clever
and really quite
sad for you, too.
No matter how much
you wanna hurt me
and no matter how much
pain you want me to feel.
I'm guessing it's quite a
lot of pain, isn't it, Jamie?
You're not carrying a boy.
I am.
I am the one, the mother,
the singular future
of the human race.
And there's nothing you can do.
There's not one single
thing you can do.
- Jamie?
Jamie!
What have you done, Jamie?
What have you done?
- Well, I never said there
weren't mistakes made.
Excuse me.
Doctors, excuse me.
I created a viable embryo once.
I just need more time to
unlock Tilda's code again.
In the meantime,
we will find Lane,
reacquire my embryo-
- Your embryo?
- Pull her back into line
and bring the people
who took her to justice.
This is what the good old
protocols are all about.
End of conversation.
All right.
Let's fix this fucking mess.
Hmm. Cute jacket.
Your loyalty to a fascist
murderer has really paid off.
I hope it was worth it.
- Wait here.
- Alex, Pip, Jamie, my girls!
- Hi, Pip.
- What happened to your hair?
- Oh, Michelle just wanted
a change, didn't you?
None of those nasty old bangs.
Come.
I have something to
ask you in private
- Na-na!
Trying to fatten
me up before the kill?
- Righto, you
fucking drama queen.
Just trying to be a good host.
- You're not a good
host if you turn me in.
- Oh, it's not up to me.
It's up to your friends
and whether they can come
up with the goods in time.
- Why you doing all
this, anyway, hmm?
You wanna watch a rat
in a cage, is that it?
- I mean, I was curious.
- About what?
- How it feels.
You like being the
endangered species now?
- Oh, is that funny
to you, is it?
- No.
No, I'm saying I think
I know how it feels.
- You don't know shit about me.
- True.
But I do know about people.
I know about the
violence that they make,
and some of it's meant to hurt.
Fuck those guys.
But the other stuff,
I mean, that's almost
worse, isn't it?
They don't even mean
to dehumanize you.
You just, you're already
so far from human to them.
You're just this...
This thing.
So.
Best way I know how
to un-thing myself
is to indulge uniquely
human pleasures.
Case in point.
- Shoo, shoo.
Pure decadence, isn't it, Pippy?
Have some.
- No thank you.
- You know you want to.
Mm, delicious.
The macaron have real
gold foil on them.
- Fuck the macarons.
Why are we here?
Ugh, okay, fine.
Spoil sports.
My question to you is
what's better than the first
boy baby shower in eight years?
Two boy baby showers.
Oh, goddess.
No, I'm not having twins.
No, no, no, no.
I mean, who else
here is with child?
Jamie, you're gonna have a boy!
- What?
- Using a nifty little
procedure called Nanopore,
we detected fragments of
other DNA in your blood.
Fetal DNA with a Y chromosome.
We know the virus kills
100% of boy embryos
within hours of conception.
For eight years,
we have known there is 100%
mortality of boy embryos.
Until me.
And now until you, too.
Can you believe it?
Oh, isn't it just fantastic?
I know we've had
our ups and downs,
but I firmly believe this
is mother nature's way
of urging a reconciliation.
Constance, I would like some
mummy to mummy time with Jamie.
Watch the others
for me, will you?
- I'll come with you.
Michelle can watch them.
- Ah, I think I
can handle myself.
What is she, 45, 50 kilos?
Come.
Oh, Jamie, come.
I promise it'll be
worth your while.
Watch your head on the way down.
♪ Here's to Bobby,
he's true blue ♪
♪ He's a piss pot
through and through ♪
♪ He's not going to heaven
'cause he went the other way ♪
- Hey!
- Down! Down!
Our boy, yeah!
- Whoa!
- Cheers, mate.
To my last good drink.
- Fucking drama queen.
- You know, on all your
big seafaring adventurous,
you ever see or hear
of others like me?
- I heard the odd rumor, but...
Nah.
You're my first unicorn.
- Pretty shit unicorn,
if you ask me.
More like a jizz
vending machine unicorn.
It's true, though, isn't it?
That's all I am now.
- Not to me, mate.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you mean it?
Boss.
- Fuck!
- Please, please.
- Time's up.
- Get down.
It's not hygienic.
- Oh, don't use your bedroom
voice here, Constance.
- Get down.
- Okay, okay.
- Did you cut your hair?
Why do you let her
treat you like that?
- You don't know her like we do.
- What, she fuck you?
- No, she unfucked me.
- Michelle, after everything
you've seen her do.
Constance, you've seen her, too.
Allowing her to be mayor of
Hiro Valley is one thing.
Allowing her to be prime
minister of the whole country is,
like, a lot another.
- No.
No, goddess, no.
We need a sense of occasion.
- We shouldn't be drinking.
- Wouldn't have picked
you for a prude, Jamie.
The yummy mummies in France
don't deprive themselves.
Why should we?
Voila.
Chalet Ouvert, Le
Chateau Rouge 1999,
as in let's party like it's.
We inherited this from the
French ambassador's estate.
He couldn't take it with him.
Ah, I missed that sound!
Don't you?
Hold these while I make you
a little more comfortable.
Carpe futurum.
My Jim-Jam Jamie.
Mm.
Have some.
Mm.
I was curious.
- About what?
- About whether you really
thought I was gonna share
my baby shower with you.
- So, uh...
So what now?
- I'm gonna cut you
a one-time deal.
- Oh yeah, and what's that?
- You win the sperm lottery.
As many daughters as you want.
You get your farm back.
I guarantee you and
your friends' safety.
And every birthday
you get macaron
and French champagne on moi.
If...
You give me your son
to raise as my own.
You say you're not
feeling well tonight.
Tomorrow you miscarry.
I put you up in
my country house,
we draw up the paperwork,
and in a matter of months
you'll be pregnant again,
only this time you won't have
to worry about their future.
They'll look exactly
like brothers,
and they will want for nothing
in their long, abundant lives,
and neither will you.
That's not a deal.
It's a no-brainer.
Yes or no?
- Fucking no.
- Don't be rash, Jamie
- Don't be selfish.
Don't cut off your nose to
spite your incredible future.
Yes or-
- No means no, you fucking cunt.
- Do you know the expression
pearls before swine?
I can't tell who's stupider,
the pigs who can't
tell what's on offer
or the idiot who keeps throwing
gifts in front of pigs.
Shh, shh, shh.
Not now.
Rest now.
It's okay.
- What?
- I'm fine.
She attacked me, Constance.
You were right to worry.
She's unwell.
She attacked...
- Lane!
Lane!
What's happening?
- Clever little
subcutaneous sleepy juice.
Nicely done, Jamie.
- Thanks. Worked just
like you said it would.
- What did you do to her?
- She'll be fine.
- What did I do to her?
Here's what she just tried
to do to my unborn child.
- You tricked her.
- We all know what
she's capable of.
The only difference this
time, we were ready for it.
- You're all in on this.
You're all in on this.
What is this?
- We made a deal.
What could you possibly
have to offer me
that's worth more than
30 liters of white gold?
- Well, what's worth
more than a tired,
dried-up, haggard
specimen like Bobby?
The literal motherload herself.
- Normal touch won't be enough
to administer the sedative.
You need to scratch as hard
as you can, break the skin,
hold on for at least five
seconds for the full dose.
You got it?
All we needed
now was to get close
to the new Prime Minister.
Nothing less
than treason would get us
into government house,
so we committed the most heinous
treason we could think of.
We knew Lane
would want to talk to us
when she found out Jamie was
pregnant with another boy.
- Isn't it just fantastic?
All we needed
was just the right moment
for Lane to do what
she always does.
Put herself first at all costs.
- Why would you do this?
- Lane's coming with us.
- Over my dead fucking body.
- We're not gonna hurt her.
Bullshit!
- Constance, you don't
owe her a goddamn thing.
Listen. Listen!
You can run this place better
than her any fucking day.
We are taking Lane,
and I swear on my mother's life
that we will ensure her safety
and her safety of her son.
What about you, Bad Hair Day?
Ready to control the
destiny of your own head?
I think you could
rock a pixie undercut.
- Just give us a
10-minute headstart.
That's all we're asking.
10 minutes and then
you sound the alarm.
Make your choice.
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry, are they...?
- They're exes.
- What?
- I know.
Oi, that's my cake!
- Go, go, go!
- Um, excuse me!
That's my cake?
Um, who are you?
- Uh, Health and Safety.
- Well, dress rehearsal
started, like, five minutes ago,
and I'm busting outta that
cake in T minus two minutes,
so let's go.
Oh goddess, why is it so heavy?
Come on!
Push, push!
Can we get a little
bit extra help, please?
- Please, mate.
Just come on, please.
- It's not personal.
- Then you could
personally not do it.
- I've got a crew to feed.
- I believe motherhood
is the most abundant gift
the universe can
bestow on a woman,
let alone the first boy
since the great reset.
I invite you to
celebrate me, us,
and our miraculously
bright future.
- No, stop, stop!
Back a bit.
- No!
- Ah-ah!
- No.
- What?
- It's not safe.
- No, move your hands.
- No.
- Excuse me!
Move!
- Stop!
- Fuck!
You're gonna fucking
pay for this.
♪ Ding dong bell,
pussy's in the well ♪
♪ Who put her in? ♪
♪ Little Johnny Green ♪
- It's not safe! You need
to get down from there!
♪ Who pulled her out? ♪
Just stop it.
♪ Little Tommy Stout ♪
♪ What a naughty boy was that ♪
♪ To drown poor pussy cat ♪
♪ Who never did- ♪
Get off!
♪ Killed all the mice ♪
- There's been an attack!
There's been an attack
in the wine cellar.
- But I'm not finished!
Wait!
Now, now,
now, go, go, go, go!
- Right now.
- Go, go, go, go!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- You have my cake!
- So...
- We're good, mate.
We're fucking good!
- We're good!
We're good!
- Let's get the fuck outta here.
- We're good!
- No.
No, no, no, no!
No!
No!
- Probably a bad
time to tell her
we just crossed into
international waters.
- Last card.
- What?
- I know you've got
no reason to trust me.
I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?
- I'll admit I wanted
to for the longest time,
but this is bigger
than the both of us.
Somehow you're proof of the
hack my mum was looking for.
Anyone here tries to
treat you like shit,
you let me know, okay?
I'm gonna be an auntie soon,
and no one fucks with auntie.
Oi, Jamie.
Your watch.
Gonna be an
interesting two weeks.
- Mate, those coordinates,
I'm telling you,
there's nothing there.
- You agreed.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, your
mum's work, yada yada yada.
As long as I get my end.
- And we get to vet whoever
you're selling her to.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll
make sure the terms
are mutually beneficial.
We sure did bag the motherload.
- You want me to make
you a ginger tea?
- No, I'm good, thanks.
- Hey, girls, the view's
pretty rad up top.
Let's check it out.
- All right, all right.
- What?
- Pick up 10.
- Screw this game.
- Are you actually pregnant?
- Yes.
- With a boy?
- Probably not.
- But the blood test-
- That we knew was coming
'cause you already
tried perming us once.
- The blood test
- That showed up
fragments of fetal DNA
with a Y chromosome,
like you said.
You know who else has
DNA with a Y chromosome?
All it took was a
simple blood transfusion
- You disguised Bobby's
blood as fetal blood.
Oh.
That is really so clever.
That's so resourceful and clever
and really quite
sad for you, too.
No matter how much
you wanna hurt me
and no matter how much
pain you want me to feel.
I'm guessing it's quite a
lot of pain, isn't it, Jamie?
You're not carrying a boy.
I am.
I am the one, the mother,
the singular future
of the human race.
And there's nothing you can do.
There's not one single
thing you can do.
- Jamie?
Jamie!
What have you done, Jamie?
What have you done?
- Well, I never said there
weren't mistakes made.
Excuse me.
Doctors, excuse me.
I created a viable embryo once.
I just need more time to
unlock Tilda's code again.
In the meantime,
we will find Lane,
reacquire my embryo-
- Your embryo?
- Pull her back into line
and bring the people
who took her to justice.
This is what the good old
protocols are all about.
End of conversation.
All right.
Let's fix this fucking mess.