Creamerie (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Episode #2.4 - full transcript

♪ What do you get when
you fall in love ♪

♪ You get enough tears
to fill an ocean ♪

♪ That's what you get ♪

♪ For your devotion ♪

♪ I'll never fall
in love again ♪

♪ I'll never fall
in love again ♪

♪ What do you get when
you give your heart ♪

♪ You get it all broken
up and battered ♪

♪ That's what you get ♪

♪ A heart that shattered ♪

♪ I'll never fall
in love again ♪



♪ I'll never fall
in love again ♪

- The question we need
to be asking ourselves

is who is Lane's predator?

- Me, with a crow bar.

- No, Alex.

- The Prime Minister.

- Yes, Michelle, exactly.

- Wait, the Prime Minister?

- We have three options.

One, sit here and be
paralyzed by indecision.

Two, go back to the
real safe place.

Or three, go to Lane's boss

and expose her to
the whole country.

- And she'll listen to us why?



- Funnily enough, I had
thought of that, Alex

Guess what day it is
tomorrow. Michelle?

- It's maintenance Monday.

- Right again, Michelle.

Maintenance Monday?

- It's a monthly cleaning
day at Government House.

- So?

- So, trust me, we
have an opportunity

to have an audience
with the Prime Minister.

All those in favour of
going to the capital city

to make the P.M. make Lane
accountable for what she's done.

Say aye.

- Aye. You need to say
aye for it to count.

- Really?

- Those men died without
anyone even knowing

they still existed.

We need to change that. Aye.

- You know what Pip, I think
you were made for the capitol.

The prime minister is
really gonna love you.

- Do you really think so?

- Oh, I know so, you both
have really good hair

and you both wear
the colour purple

even though you shouldn't,
but you do it anyway.

And that's confidence.

- Thank you.

It's really nice to have
your support, Michelle.

Especially when
everyone on the bus

seems to fight me at every turn.

Do you think Bobby's gonna
give us the evils forever?

- I do think so, yes.

- Well, maybe we should...

- What?

- Apologize?

- What for?

- I, I don't know.

- I don't know either.

- Maybe we should
air our thoughts.

- You're right, we
should, but before we do

there's something I need to do.

- Hi Bobby.

We just wanted to
create some space.

And, and open up a dialogue

for an unreserved apology for

that thing that happened
- thing that happened

on the table. On the table.

And that we
are ready to discuss.

When you are ready to discuss.

- There's nothing to discuss.

- Do you mean like you
don't wanna discuss with us?

- I mean, there's nothing
to discuss, I'm fine.

- Yeah, so what usually
happens with traumatized people

is that they say they're fine

but what's actually happening

is that they're bottling up
all the ick they feel inside

and covering it with
this unconcerned veneer

until one day there's too much
ick and then they explode.

- What happens to
non-traumatized people?

- Well, they say
they're fine too, but-

- So when I say I'm
fine, I mean I'm fine.

Oh, would you look at that?

It's time for you

to go over there.

- Okay, yeah.

- Okay, we'll just,
we'll just be down...

He's definitely bottling.

Ah, yeah.
- 100%.

- Did you think
it was important?

- Hey, you need
to stay hydrated.

Can I help you?

- What are you working on?

- New theory, the baby
teeth one is toast

since my sample
set got exploded.

- Look Alex, I'm really
sorry about Jackson.

- Why? That's what you wanted.

- I, I just wanted
someone's trust.

I was all alone and he found me

for a few days there he
pretended to be my best mate

and I believed him

and I can see how
he could have been

a pretty choice brother.

If, if you want to
make any sense of this

you've probably gonna
need a military grid map.

- This means something to you.

- It looks like an MGRS code.

- Meaning?

- A military grid
reference system.

- Meaning?

- Coordinates, a location.

You used to be able to just
look the grids up online.

But now you might need a hard
copy from the library or...

- Government archives.

- That would do it.

- Good morning
everyone, this is it.

- Wakey wakey.
- Welcome to the Capitol City.

♪ Helpless position ♪

♪ Choices and chances taken ♪

Reinvigorated
post-pandemic

it boasts fully
renewable energy sources

and incentives for
industrial enterprise.

♪ I really wanna know ♪

♪ If you feel the way I do ♪

These are the
government buildings

the seat of power,
the hallowed halls.

The real principal's office.

- Yep, we get it.

- Can I help you?

- Yes, we, oh, we're just
going to speak to the...

- Okay cool, but can I help you?

- I'm sorry, you are?

- I'm the executive
receptionist.

Obviously; it's
a reception desk.

- Okay, look, we have
information in our possession

that challenges everything
we knew about the pandemic.

- You're welcome to one,

write to the PM on one
of our prepaid postcards.

Two, start a free petition

or three, wait in one of our
designated protest zones.

- Stop the lies.

- Okay, thank you.

- Bye.

- What are you gonna
write in yours?

- We are committee members
of the Hiro Valley Council

and I'm here to lay a complaint

about Wellness's gross
human rights violations

and the existence of men.

Time is of the essence

and I'm not leaving until I've
spoken to the Prime Minister

now.

- Excuse me, did I
just hear you mention

Wellness and human
rights violations?

- Yes, yes you did.

- Carla Tui, special counsel
to the Prime Minister.

- Pip.

- And I'm Michelle.

- Oh right, well I can
assure you the Prime Minister

always has time
for human rights.

- Hey, maybe you
should stay on the bus.

- Right, now's the
time to stay on the bus

after the mushroom juice,
murders and explosions.

You didn't have
a choice those times.

- I don't have a choice now.

- All right, we're on.
Maintenance Monday.

- Hello, Prime Minister.

Prime Minister, hello.

Hello Prime Minister.

Does my voice sound funny?

- Do you want it to sound funny?

- No, no, like does
it sound shallow?

Like there's nothing
underneath it.

Like there's no, like oomph.

- That is how you talk, what?

- That's her, that's her voice.

- Excuse me.

- She's in here.

- Excuse me.

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ And I run for the hills ♪

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

♪ And I come for the thrills ♪

Get out of there,

this is a highly
confidential cabinet meeting.

Carla?

- Yes?

- What's up?

- Yeah, Prime Minister.
- Slay.

- Bra, bra, bra, girl.
- Your grace.

- I, we, we are, we are committee
members from Hiro Valley

and we need to go

to your office right now.
- Now.

This is a matter of unprecedented
national importance.

We're
not crazy people.

- We can prove it.

- I am so sorry, ma'am.
- Don't be.

I'm keen
to maintain my connection

to our regional representatives.

You get a maintenance
day support bunny

and you get a maintenance
day support bunny

and you get a maintenance
day support bunny.

- Thank you.

- Okay, I'll just
put on my little hat.

All right, hit me with the tea

honorable committee
members of Hiro Valley.

- Prime Minister, we
have proof that Lane,

the founder of Wellness

and mayor of Hiro Valley

has been holding male
survivors of the virus

in a secret underground facility

and forcibly extracting sperm
from them for her own gains.

Seven of these men
perished yesterday

and Lane is accountable
for their deaths.

Okay, I I know if you had said
this to me three weeks ago,

I would've called you crazy.

We thought all the men had died.

- We have men.

You mean humans
with a Y chromosome?

- Right, well, we thought
they had all died, until.

- Oh.

- You are gonna wanna
sit down for this.

- No, I'm all good.

- Until...

- All I can see is feet, Carla.

Is that all you can see?

- Yep, just feet.

Until...

- I'm being punked right now.

Is that it?

Right wing radio hosts.

Not worth it.

Unless she's quite, quite well.

Not that it matters.

I always struggle with
since I was quite young.

It still clicks, you know,
sometimes I go upstairs

or go downstairs.

It's actually when I
tend to hear more or so.

You know the weather is a
bit cold in the morning.

- Ew Alex, no, mini croissants
are not pocket food.

- I pay my taxes.

- No you don't actually
because I do all the returns.

- Shh.

- I'm gonna take a piss.

- Don't put your sugary
grubby fingers anywhere.

Have some civic respect.

- You mean these grubby fingers?

- Don't be a dick.

Cheers.

- All G, no B.

- I wanna completely and
unreservedly apologize

for the trauma and
injustice you have suffered

at the hands of
unscrupulous people.

- Thank you.

- Have you thought about
your place in society?

- My place in society?

- You're an army
dude, is that right?

Yeah.

- My brother Stu
was in the army.

He told me basic training
was all about stripping away

what makes you you

so you could like follow orders.

Sounded suss to me
but he deadass saw it

as the best honour of his life.

- Actually, I can
relate to that.

- Apropo of duty and honour.

You ever hear of the
man with the golden arm?

- Sorry?

- I did my high school
exhibition on him

right before the virus hit.

James Christopher
Harrison, Aussie guy.

His blood was legit unicorn.

It had these magic
antibodies in it

that helped little babies
with blood disease glow up.

From the first year
he could, aged 18

right up until the last year
he was allowed, ripe old 81

James Harrison made
over 1000 donations.

You wanna know how many
little bubbas he saved

with that unicorn blood of his?

2.5 million.

Just him and his
fluids, 2.5 million.

You know where I'm going
with this, don't you?

- So what you just, you
want a piece of me too?

- Not if you agree
to be the baker.

- The baker?

- They can't take a piece of you

if you are the one
making the cake.

- With all due to
respect, Prime Minister.

This is bullshit.

- I promise you.

Doing anything to you without
your consent ain't me.

Never will we.

But here's the kicker.

The ladies making
babies right now,

their babies can't have babies

without a guy like
you being the baker.

And without a baker
we're done, as a species.

Homo sapiens extinction event.

See ya, wouldn't want to be ya.

That's just science.

Jimmy Harrison saved
2.5 million people.

You could save so many more.

- Why are you doing this?

- Doing what?

- Guilt tripping
me into this game.

- No game, Bobby.

This ain't a zero sum sitch.

It's a mad win win, deadass.

Deadest freaking ass
you ever deadassed.

- Come to me, military shit.

Substance reports, no.

Capital crimes, no.

Bunny report?

Investigation to
the rise of Wellness

in regional New Zealand.

- Can I help you?

- Nope.

- Alex, what did you do?

- Nothing.

- Okay, fam, Carla's
arranged a safe house for you

in our new urban
aeroponics shed.

Bobby's existence will
remain confidential

until our strategists
have firmed up on comms.

- Confidential, for how long?

- Until we have a
water tight plan.

- What are you doing about Lane?

- Yeah.
- We're starting an inquiry

into all Wellness
activities in Hiro Valley.

- What, an inquiry? But we
just told you what she did.

- Yes, and we need to verify.

- Fuck the verify.

- Jamie.

- Look, you should be out there

with everything you've
got hunting her down.

- Jamie, you need to chill.

Carla's already deep dived
into the rise of Wellness.

- You mean the report that says

Wellness is a high
level concern?

- She must be referring
to a draft report.

But if mistakes have
been made, then I will-

- Oh, mistakes have been made.

You've let Wellness
spread its shitness

all over this country.

Alex.

- It's true and they know it.

The cult of Wellness
is spread like a cancer

because Lane has been
using stolen sperm

to convince everyone that being
well leads to more babies.

- I'll be the baker.

- I'm sorry?

- You're right, let me
go live to the nation.

Tell the full story.

- No, you can't just
go live to the nation.

- Prime Minister, for years,

years I have been searching
for this so-called safe place.

And fuck me, did
that not work out.

But it doesn't matter, you see

because I don't need to find it.

I need to make it
safe for all of us.

So call one of your press
conference thingies.

Let me tell my
side of the story.

Expose Wellness
for the fuck it is.

Then, then I will be your baker.

- Ma'am, with all due respect

if the public find out that
a man survived the virus

there is no knowing
how they'll react.

- Call an emergency
press conference.

I'll speak to the
nation tonight.

- But prime minister, I just-

- That's right, Carla,
I am the Prime Minister.

- I would be remiss
if I did not clarify.

Are we really gonna do this?

- Deadass.

- Have you guys seen Michelle?

- No, though she was with you.

- But if you want
someone to kiss your ass

there's a cactus over there.

- Shut up, Alex.

Put them down, it's
so disrespectful.

- You look good

for someone who's been shitting
in the woods for eight years

Here.

Stu gave that to me
before he went on tour.

- Oh.

- I miss him.

- Yeah.

- Here.

That thing's ancient.

Any bullets would
be dust by now.

Looks boss though.

You ready?

Ready.

- Let's go make history.

- What? How did she-

- Good evening everyone

and thank you for coming
at such short notice.

The Prime Minister will now
make a pressing announcement.

Prime Minister.
- Unbelievable.

- Thank you, this morning,
three ladies from Hiro Valley

came to me with an
incredible story to tell.

They're right here.

Pip, Alex, Jamie, stand
up so they can see you.

- Guys stand up,
stand up, hurry up.

- Pip, look out.

Thank
you, you can sit down.

- What's going on?

I was advised

to keep the story confidential.

It is a devastating
truth to hear,

but I believe the
truth however, painful

is essential to our
progress as a nation.

And like so much of our pain,

it involves a miracle.

Today I was made aware

that a human with a Y
chromosome survived the virus.

Thank you.

This person has been
victimized beyond reason

but bravely uncovered
a treasonous

and far-reaching conspiracy

that has been years
in the making.

There will be a time for
questions and a time for answers

but right now I
want to promise you

that the perpetrators will
be brought to justice.

The lies end now.

It is my honour to introduce
to you Robert O'Connor.

- And we have an incident here.

A man has just walked on stage
and shot the Prime Minister.

I repeat, a man has
shot the Prime Minister.

- We've been set up.