Creamerie (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Episode #2.2 - full transcript

The guy's a crack up.

Oh, so Steve, oh,
you're gonna meet Steve.

Steve's thing is he
waits till you're asleep

and then he Dutch
ovens you, ugh!

- Sounds like the army,
is that why you left?

- Ah, dude, the bullying is
definitely like a part of it,

but I would swap my left
ball and Dutch ovens

for no chair any day of
the week, you feel me?

I do.

- Where is everyone, Yvonne?

- Are we not ones, Daniel?



What's your name?

- Bobby, ah, Robert.

- Nice to meet Bobby Robert.

- I'm Alex, this is my
shitty brother, Jackson.

Don't feel sorry
for him, long story.

You're the resistance that
Ma was running around with?

Her name was Tilda.

- Tilda is and always
will be one of us.

- I'm sorry, but
is this all of you?

- But isn't this a
safe place for men?

Where are the men?

Ah, the men, go
get 'em.

Let's have a look
at Tilda's son.

- Oh, be careful, he's a lying,
manipulative piece of shit.



- I don't mean to be rude, but
we don't have a lot of time.

About a half day's
drive that way,

Lane has a facility
where she's keeping-

- What a momentous day.

All those in favor
of Spree, say aye.

Aye.

- The ayes have it.

I call Spree.

- Wait, what's Spree?

Here he is.

- Shaun?

- Daniel.

Hello, I'm Shaun, I've just
been making a toothbrush.

- What do they
mean, "Here he is?"

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

- Where did you
even get this thing?

Dr. Garvey, you're my
general practitioner.

The last time I saw you, you
prescribed me antifungal cream.

You care about my wellbeing.

- You're mistaking my
professionalism for sentimentality.

Now,

on three,

two, one.

Ow!

- On a scale from one to
10, how painful was that?

- You're a sadist.

- Oh, I don't take
pleasure in your pain,

but I do appreciate precision,

so on a scale from one to
10, how painful was that?

- 0.5.

0.5.

- Why don't we just turn
Fitzy on and see what happens?

- Because one does not
turn on the trunchbull

until it is calibrated.

- We should call it Fitzy,
'cause she'll have you in fits.

- And that's how you know
taste can't be taught.

Sorry, what was that?

- I said that's how you
know taste can't be taught.

Oh, Laney, I'm only joking.

And anyway, the trunchbull
is ready for use.

- Hm, one last
time, totally, Pip.

Where have you taken
Bobby and Daniel?

- I know transcendental
meditation,

I can TM away from the pain.

In fact, I'm going
to do it right now.

Pebble in the ocean.

Pebble in the ocean.

- Stop that and
answer me, where is-

- Pebble in the
ocean.

- Pebble in the ocean.
- No, you don't.

- Pebble in the ocean.
- Stop that.

Pebble in the ocean,

pebble in the ocean.

- Brilliant, huh?

Brilliant, huh?

On a scale from one to
10, how painful was that?

Scale from one to 10?

Of course, we could do it again.

- 50.

The
maximum is 10, so 10?

- Ah-huh.

- 10.

- Now will you tell
me where my Bobby is?

Yes, right away.

- You said there were
eight, where are they?

- Don't.
- It was four years ago.

- You know that guy?

That's enough then, fuck!

- Shaun?

- Yeah.

What's his deal?

- Nobody really knows,

he's just always kind
of been like that.

- Hey, no talk please
while we Spree.

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

- Are you okay?

- I'll be better when we
get our hands on the guns

- We can all talk
when we've all drunk.

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

It's
actually pretty yum.

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

- What?

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

- Okay, we've all had a drink,

now you wanna tell us
what happened to everyone?

The men that were here?

- They left.

- That's it?

They left?

- All but one, why?

- Because they had
their own minds

and they made their own choices.

- How are you the resistance?

You sound like a
Wellness yoga retreat.

- Tell us what you did to them.

- What we did is create a
safe place for them to exist

and then they chose to leave.

- Look, you're still
the Sisterhood, okay,

you can still save men.

There are six more
men at Lane's facility

and we know where they are.

You just bring your
tranquilizers and we just-

- We don't use
tranquilizers anymore.

- What, why?

- We voted against it.

- You voted against using
awesome, non-lethal weapons,

that give you an
incredible advantage?

What, what is wrong with you?

♪ Ah ah ♪

- Okay, look, it doesn't
matter about the guns.

If Hunter was anything to go by,

you guys could just bust in
there with your bare hands.

- I know a secret tunnel.

Of course you do.

- Isn't it your sworn
oath to protect men?

- How do we protect
the wind from blowing?

- What do you mean?

- How do we save the
leaves from falling?

- I, I don't understand the
words coming out of your mouths.

- You're not the resistance.

♪ Ah ah ♪

- You're a bunch of pussies.

♪ Ah ah ♪

- Meow.

♪ Ah ah ♪

Meow.

- Oh God, we were
wrong to come here.

♪ Ah ah ♪

- We wasted all this
time we didn't have

and now she's fucked!

Wrong choice, guys,
wrong fucking path

and now they're gonna perm Pip,

I'm gonna lose my shittiest
best friend forever!

I have to go back,
I have to go back.

I have to go back.

I have to go back.

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

- Go back.

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

Oh, my gosh, Jackson!

He's burning up.

- Pip, just to confirm,

that you are taking us to
reconnoiter the location

where your friends have
kidnapped and are holding Robert

in an incredibly selfish

and truly disappointing
act of unwellness.

- Yes.

- And now, how far away
is this said location?

- Three, two,

six hours that way.

Eight with comfort
stops and snacks.

- Hm and why is it that
you can't point out

said location on a map?

- If you were to
engage in unwell acts

and hide in said location,

would you make said location
point-outable on a map?

- Okay

Who needs to go to the toilet?

- Check, okay.

I need my bag.

- What?

I...

- Give me my fucking bag!

No!

♪ I bury my fears ♪

♪ For safekeeping ♪

♪ White picket fences ♪

♪ These little pretenses ♪

♪ I bury my fears ♪

♪ Beneath a lemon tree ♪

♪ I'm marking the line now ♪

- Hey.

Do you want a toothbrush?

- Ah,

no, thanks.

- Don't you have
hard to reach places?

- Yeah, I do, thanks.

- Do you wanna go make
some walkie talkies?

Cool.

- Hello?

Ma.

Ma.

Roger that, thanks.

- Ma?

Does
anyone read me, copy?

This
is Sierra Hotel November.

Anyone out there?

Please copy.

Ah,
this is Bravo Bravo Yankee

reading you loud and clear.

I see you're not really into
the whole Spree situation?

Sierra Hotel November,
over.

Ah, ah, not as such,

Bravo Bravo Yankee, um,

had a bit too much of the
old happy juice a while back

and developed a bit
of a resistance to it.

- Oh.

- And anyway, um, we
unanimously agreed

to a trial moratorium on
mixed sex intercourse.

I mean, it was
always recreational,

non-pairing, non-procreative
intercourse anyway,

for obvious reasons, but ah, um,

yeah, ever since the,

the thing that happened,
um, we mutually agreed

that scarcity would
breed instability

and I don't wanna be a
vending machine anyway.

Over.

- Ah,

you wanna tell me more

about the thing that happened?

Shaun?

Do you mean the
other men that left?

Why didn't you just
leave with them?

I, ah, I found
this in my pocket.

Whose jacket was this?

Shaun, why did this guy leave?

Look, I mean, he even
circled some activities,

the same ones that I would've.

I could've actually
known this guy, you know,

I could've actually been
friends with this guy.

Shaun,

please.

- You should know,

that they didn't leave,

well, they left,
but not like that.

- What do you mean?

- Ah,

they're dead, Bobby,

they died.

It was an accident.

- What?

How?

- You're not gonna like this.

- How could I like it,
Shaun? Please just tell me.

- They took the
tranquilizer rifles

to play "IRL Call of Duty"

and they shot each other
and drowned in the river.

- Ah, can you say that again?

- After years of frolicking
peacefully in the bush,

they wanted to play
war games.

I know, I know,
right, the only reason

why I wasn't with them is
because I wanted to win.

I was in here working
on a reloading magazine

for the tranquilizer rifle.

Do you know, I wish to God

I'd given up on working
on that magazine.

If I'd have just followed them
into the river that night.

- Cheer up, mate, it's okay.

Hey, at least you're
good at making things.

Yeah, I mean, your
walkie talkies

even have little buttons on.

- I don't care about the
fucking buttons, man!

I'm an advertising
executive, for fuck's sake!

The girls tell me
how useful I am,

but I don't wanna make
furniture out of trees.

I don't wanna be
some charity case

or some fucking precious
fucking dodo man.

I don't want this stupid
fucking fleshy thing

dangling there if
it's just gonna,

if it means I have to hide,

I have to hide for the
rest of my life.

- It's okay.

- I don't want this
to be my safe place.

I want every place
to be my safe place.

I know.

Show me your teeth.

- Fuck off, Alex.
- No, fuck off yourself

and show me your
hard to reach teeth.

- Why?

- Because Ma just showed
me the key to the cure.

A very Goddess evening

to you reporting
in at 1800 hours.

Our anticipated arrival
time will be three hours.

- To six and a half
with, with comfort stops.

- Sorry, it'll be three
to six and a half hours

with comfort stops.

No stops

and don't disturb me again
until you're there, out.

- Okay, have a lovely
evening, that's over and out.

Roger, roger, over.

- Are you aware of
everything Lane does?

Ah,

I'm more aware of what Lane
does than Lane herself.

- No, you're not.

- Excuse you?

- You're not like her,

you didn't want what happened
with Bobby that night?

- Hold him!
- Argh!

- I don't know what night
you're talking about.

I was drunk and I don't
remember.

- Michelle, she's doing what
we all saw her do with Bobby,

only 100 times worse, I
saw it with my own eyes.

- Oh, Pip,

it's okay.

Blaine warned me that you
were prone to psychosis,

so I have some ginkgo biloba
extract in my bag here for you.

My Goddess, where
is it?

You know, I'd lose my head
if it wasn't screwed on.

- Take the, turn
around, turn around now.

Something you need to see.

- So she got you
hooked on some shit?

- Where are they?

- Worm food.

Is that how she got you to
do all the shit you did?

Go on, tell me how
she got you addicted

and how none of
this is your fault.

- You're pregnant.

I remember the second you
were pregnant with Oscar.

- Don't say his name,
don't you fucking try

your Memory Lane
bullshit with me.

This was us.

- I said fucking don't.

- This was you and me,

we were whole, complete.

Then Oscar came along.

Peace.

For one whole incredible
year, there was,

there was peace.

Then when he left,

we weren't complete anymore.

- Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck off!

- I lost him too, Jamie.

- Oh, and I'm supposed to
say, "Yeah, that explains it?"

- No, that's not
what I'm saying.

- I stayed on your farm,
I thought you were gone.

You chose to get high!

You trapped men and you, you
fucked her for your next fix.

We were nothing to you.

- You're wrong.

- I'm wrong, I'm
the, oh, my God!

I'm the one that's wrong?

- I know it's hard
to understand.

- No, no, no, it's simple.

- Like grief never changed you?

- Oh, yes, please tell
me how our child dying

justifies you being
a sadistic junkie!

- Like you didn't jump
on the first dick,

that came along
to replace Oscar!

Uh!

Uh!

- Here, you can fucking talk.

Oh, what a fucking shit
show!

Oh God, no guns,
no muscle, nothing.

I can't leave her there, I
have to go back.

- I know a secret
tunnel to the facility.

You could bypass Lane's guards.

- Give me one reason
why I should trust you.

- Because I'm the
only lead you have

and if I fuck you over,

you have a sharp knife.

- Ah!

- Bingo, second molar.

RBT, retained baby teeth.

You have it, you have
it, Jackson has it,

that's four of you,

this could be it,

this could be the genetic
marker of immunity.

- We're going back
to Lane's facility.

We're taking Jackson's
secret way in

- And when he fucks
us, what then?

- Stay here if you want, but
I'm going back for my friend.

- Hey, Shaun.

Yeah?

- You ever get that
rifle magazine working?

- Did I ever?

- I love you.