Crazy Fun Park (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
So Zombie Joan of Arc
screams, "Die sooner,"
slicing down on Zombie
Leonardo da Vinci.
Guts fly everywhere.
She lifts her helmet
and coolly whispers,
"Who's smiling now, Mona Lisa?"
She does this thing...
Wait, wait, wait.
I mean, does, does
that make sense?
It's art, it doesn't
have to make sense.
So, Zombie Joan turns to
the slaves and is all,
"Yes, you are now free from
the tyranny of da Vinci."
She calls down her dragons
and flies off into the sunset.
To be continued.
Pow!
Are you sure Miss
West will go for this?
I just don't wanna
look like an idiot.
Are you kidding?
It's genius!
Chester, Mapplethorpe,
we're gonna be late.
Man, we gotta run.
Now, in exciting news we have...
Mapplethorpe, present
and accounted for.
Mm, nice of you to take a break
from handing out red
balloons in the sewer.
Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
Any reason why you're late?
What? Are you sure
everyone else wasn't early?
No, Mapplethorpe, class
started ten minutes ago.
You're clearly late.
Now, as I was saying
before I was interrupted,
we have a new student
joining us today, lucky her,
all the way from
cosmopolitan Melbourne,
please say hello
to Violetta Nakata.
Hi.
Riveting.
Time for our class
presentations.
Who'd like to go first?
Chester and
Mapplethorpe. Losers.
Heroine, heretic, martyr...
..but was Joan of Arc also...
..a blood-thirsty zombie slayer?
Def scoring A-plus.
I mean, we're marked
on the Belcove, right?
So we're up against some
flathead like Ricky Connor.
We'll be fine.
You ever taken a good
hard look at his face?
Looks like the guy in a zombie
movie who has been bitten,
and he's trying to
keep it a secret.
Is that so, rat-licker?
Ricky.
I was just telling Chester,
complimenting you really
on your dewy complexion.
Let's get one thing
straight, brain bleach.
If this were a
movie, I promise...
..you'd be the first to go.
Ricky, what's going on here?
Just some constructive
criticism.
Speaking of, you'll be re-doing
the assignment, end of the week,
and this time, try and stick
a little more factually
to medieval history.
No one can prove Joan of
Arc wasn't un-dead though,
can they, Miss?
Who cares about the Belcove?
You can't judge art.
You know where those suckers
are gonna be in ten years?
Making my burritos,
that's where. Fact.
Trust me, they'll all
lose it when we go viral.
You think Neville Moore cares
about what the genetic dead ends
at his high school think?
Yeah, but he got to
go to Berlin though.
Don't you wanna get out of here?
We don't need to go to a
big city to leave El Mar.
At least in Melbourne, people
would take us seriously.
We wouldn't be the
butt of every joke.
The only butt I see
around here is this.
The butt tree.
And you want stuff to do?
How about your own pride rock?
Rah!
Or, or this ambiguous pole.
We have everything
we need right here,
and you know one thing
they definitely don't have
in the big city?
Crazy Fun Park.
Where the fun never stops.
Age before beauty.
Whoa. You hear that?
When have I ever
fallen for that?
Considering we've never
gone in, every time?
Alright.
On the count of three.
One...
..two...
Hey.
Who said you could come in here?
Who said you could?
I work for the council.
Let's see your badge then.
Your mother wears a badge.
What are you guys doing here?
I might ask you
the same question.
I'm part of an
online urbex group.
You're part of a hex group.
She's a witch!
Burn the witch!
Urbex, they take photos
of abandoned spaces.
Why?
Art. Art.
Let's take some photos then.
No, I work alone.
What? That's no fun.
Don't you need some models?
I mean, come on,
look at this face.
And I was in a TV
commercial when I was five,
so I'm kind of a big deal.
After you.
This must be Edmund Henley.
Obviously.
"Henley built Crazy
Fun Park in 1979
to address the lack of activities
in the Asphodel Heights area.
After a series of accidents,
Henley was accused
of cutting corners
and ignoring safety.
Blah blah blah.
To address the concerns,
Henley declared,
'Life isn't about being
wrapped in cotton wool.
I just wanted to create a place
where people could enjoy
themselves and celebrate life.
Plus, the only thing
that brings me joy
is the sound of
breaking bones.'"
Where does it say
that? Get your own.
Hey, we should climb
the roller-coaster.
We'd get the best shot up there.
Want your fortune told?
That thing wouldn't
have worked in 20 years.
Are you ready to
live dangerously?
Are you ready to
learn the truth?
What does it say?
Nothing.
It's blank.
I want a go.
Argh! Argh!
Oh, my God! What the...
I hate you.
So, why'd you move?
Dad grew up here,
wanted to take over
the family business.
And your mum didn't? No.
So, what's the family business?
Hold up, you live in a morgue?
It's a funeral home,
and adjoining it, yeah.
Cool.
Wanna see our work?
This is a lot of effort.
Why don't you just
use your phone?
If I want to become
a photo journalist,
I'm going to need more
than just my phone.
If you were to hazard a guess,
how close would you say we
are to a corpse right now?
Dude. It's fine.
A lot of people get
weirded out by death.
It's no big deal.
As long as you don't
mind them screaming...
..in the dead of night.
Oh, yeah, you're real
funny, real comedian.
Look out, Andy Samberg.
Oh, no.
You haven't seen my
film roll, have you?
Maybe you dropped it
during the arachnid attack.
Oh, bummer.
What?
Maybe don't use a camera
from the Jurassic period.
I'm sorry, we haven't properly
house-broken Mapplethorpe yet.
I'll see you at school.
It's the perfect ending.
Paves the way for the sequel.
Great, then the novel's done.
Shall we get a test reading?
Hey, Ches, mum's just in a
meeting. Dinner's in the fridge.
Well, I can show my
mum. Hi, sweetie.
Mwah. How was your day?
Smy God! Smarvellous.
Hi, Ches. Hey.
I'm running late, babe,
but dinner is served,
and don't forget
what you've gotta do.
What? Laundry.
Ugh! Ugh!
Love you. Mwah.
Bye-bye. Bye.
I can ask her tomorrow.
Hey, I was thinking Violetta.
She doesn't know comics.
Yeah, she knows creepy though.
You didn't have to be
so rude to her today.
Pfft!
We need her as much as a
turkey needs a ukulele.
Just don't embarrass
me in front of her.
I don't embarrass you.
You must be thinking
of someone else.
Hey, Ches, the
internet's playing up.
Have you changed the settings?
Ah, I gotta go.
Friends for another day?
Friends for another day.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
As one of the world's most
respected creative schools...
As one of the world's most
respected creative schools,
we're looking for students
with a strong voice.
Melbourne has a lot to offer,
and is a great place to grow.
Yes?
How can we show you our work? I've
already answered that question.
But, hypothetically,
let's say someone was late
and didn't hear your answer.
Well then, maybe that someone
should learn punctuality.
Or you could just repeat
it. That's all for now.
A big hand for Professor
Oliander. Thank you, thank you.
That dude's a buzz kill.
Chester, a word?
Ugh!
Alone.
OK.
I was hoping
you'd be on time.
This could be right
up your alley.
You want me to go
to another school?
I'm not a big fan of compliments,
they don't build character,
but your pictures
aren't terrible.
A school like Creative High
could help you blossom.
I can't say that
about many kids here.
Thanks.
I'd hate to see your talent
wasted on misguided loyalty.
He's my best friend.
And friends can drag you
down if you let them.
Just think about it.
Hey.
I've been looking
for you everywhere.
I couldn't find
you after science.
Yeah, I'm just finishing
off some homework.
Sweet, where do we start?
You're re-doing our assignment?
Yeah, just...
I'll talk to you later.
OK.
What's up with the scanner?
Oh!
Oh!
Do you know how long that took?
I can fix it.
Why do you have to
ruin everything?
I didn't mean it.
Why don't you take a photo?
It'll last longer.
You can shoot it on some old
camera and pretend you're a genius.
Can't you just grow up? What?
She thinks she's so great
because she's from the big city.
Such a burden to have
to slum it here with us.
Well, here's a notification, bing,
we don't want you here either!
I'm sorry.
He hates me.
Hates you?
Jeez.
I've never seen two boys
more joined at the hip.
But he said that I
ruined everything.
You two have a bond
that is so special,
it could survive anything.
You sure you're OK? Mm.
Come here.
You'll sort this out.
Just remember what grandma says.
Dad's a mouth breather and
we're better off without him?
You should never go to
bed with bad feelings.
I love you.
And don't forget the laundry.
Guess who?
What are you doing here? You
weren't answering my calls.
Yeah, I was just working.
Boring.
I've got a better idea. Yeah?
Let's go to Crazy Fun Park.
What, now?
Are you scared?
It's just late, I've
gotta finish that.
I'm trying to apologise.
It's not me you should
be apologising to.
So this is about her?
What if we find her film roll?
We're not gonna
find it, it's dark.
It'll be where she dropped it.
Not only will we have
done her a solid,
but you'll look braver
than a wee little piggy
rolling in barbecue sauce.
Mapplethorpe, fixer of lives.
Going somewhere?
You know, we gotta
grow up eventually.
What if I don't want to?
Friends for another day?
I'll see you tomorrow.
Where's Mapplethorpe?
He'll be here.
You can't wait any longer.
I'm not dealing
with another call
from that miserable
teacher of yours.
Exciting times, we are
starting a brand new...
Oh, nice of you...
Where is Mapplethorpe?
Probably lost track of
time taking belfies again.
OK, the new book is A Monster
Calls by Patrick Ness.
Apparently, it is exceptional.
Have you heard
from Mapplethorpe?
No. He's giving me
the silent treatment.
Why?
I had this dream last night.
Hello?
Is
Mapplethorpe with you?
Uh, no.
He didn't, he didn't
stay at your house?
No.
What's going on?
I just got a call from school.
His, his bag is here, and
his bed hasn't been slept in.
If he's not with you...
"'I forgive you, ' Lily said,
catching up with him on the walk
to school the following day.
..started yelling at him."
Chester, when did you
last see Mapplethorpe?
Is there any reason why he'd
go to the park alone at night?
Chester, when did you
last see Mapplethorpe?
Is there any reason why
he'd go to the park alone?
Your mother will be here
soon to pick you up.
He wasn't at
our house this morning.
He's always running late, so
I didn't think anything of it.
When did you
last see Mapplethorpe?
He's
always running late.
Chester, when did
you last see Mapplethorpe?
Is there any reason why
he'd go to the park alone?
Hey. Chester.
It was meant to
bring joy to the community,
but today, the
long-condemned Crazy Fun Park
is the scene of yet
another tragedy.
A teenage boy fell to
his death late last night
while climbing the
wooden roller-coaster.
No one has the slightest idea...
Mapplethorpe?
You there?
This is just a prank...
..right?
Friends for another day?
Hello?
Over here.
Turn around.
Chester.
Chester.
No!
No!
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's me.
Mapplethorpe. Are you...
Welcome to Crazy Fun Park.
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation
screams, "Die sooner,"
slicing down on Zombie
Leonardo da Vinci.
Guts fly everywhere.
She lifts her helmet
and coolly whispers,
"Who's smiling now, Mona Lisa?"
She does this thing...
Wait, wait, wait.
I mean, does, does
that make sense?
It's art, it doesn't
have to make sense.
So, Zombie Joan turns to
the slaves and is all,
"Yes, you are now free from
the tyranny of da Vinci."
She calls down her dragons
and flies off into the sunset.
To be continued.
Pow!
Are you sure Miss
West will go for this?
I just don't wanna
look like an idiot.
Are you kidding?
It's genius!
Chester, Mapplethorpe,
we're gonna be late.
Man, we gotta run.
Now, in exciting news we have...
Mapplethorpe, present
and accounted for.
Mm, nice of you to take a break
from handing out red
balloons in the sewer.
Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
Any reason why you're late?
What? Are you sure
everyone else wasn't early?
No, Mapplethorpe, class
started ten minutes ago.
You're clearly late.
Now, as I was saying
before I was interrupted,
we have a new student
joining us today, lucky her,
all the way from
cosmopolitan Melbourne,
please say hello
to Violetta Nakata.
Hi.
Riveting.
Time for our class
presentations.
Who'd like to go first?
Chester and
Mapplethorpe. Losers.
Heroine, heretic, martyr...
..but was Joan of Arc also...
..a blood-thirsty zombie slayer?
Def scoring A-plus.
I mean, we're marked
on the Belcove, right?
So we're up against some
flathead like Ricky Connor.
We'll be fine.
You ever taken a good
hard look at his face?
Looks like the guy in a zombie
movie who has been bitten,
and he's trying to
keep it a secret.
Is that so, rat-licker?
Ricky.
I was just telling Chester,
complimenting you really
on your dewy complexion.
Let's get one thing
straight, brain bleach.
If this were a
movie, I promise...
..you'd be the first to go.
Ricky, what's going on here?
Just some constructive
criticism.
Speaking of, you'll be re-doing
the assignment, end of the week,
and this time, try and stick
a little more factually
to medieval history.
No one can prove Joan of
Arc wasn't un-dead though,
can they, Miss?
Who cares about the Belcove?
You can't judge art.
You know where those suckers
are gonna be in ten years?
Making my burritos,
that's where. Fact.
Trust me, they'll all
lose it when we go viral.
You think Neville Moore cares
about what the genetic dead ends
at his high school think?
Yeah, but he got to
go to Berlin though.
Don't you wanna get out of here?
We don't need to go to a
big city to leave El Mar.
At least in Melbourne, people
would take us seriously.
We wouldn't be the
butt of every joke.
The only butt I see
around here is this.
The butt tree.
And you want stuff to do?
How about your own pride rock?
Rah!
Or, or this ambiguous pole.
We have everything
we need right here,
and you know one thing
they definitely don't have
in the big city?
Crazy Fun Park.
Where the fun never stops.
Age before beauty.
Whoa. You hear that?
When have I ever
fallen for that?
Considering we've never
gone in, every time?
Alright.
On the count of three.
One...
..two...
Hey.
Who said you could come in here?
Who said you could?
I work for the council.
Let's see your badge then.
Your mother wears a badge.
What are you guys doing here?
I might ask you
the same question.
I'm part of an
online urbex group.
You're part of a hex group.
She's a witch!
Burn the witch!
Urbex, they take photos
of abandoned spaces.
Why?
Art. Art.
Let's take some photos then.
No, I work alone.
What? That's no fun.
Don't you need some models?
I mean, come on,
look at this face.
And I was in a TV
commercial when I was five,
so I'm kind of a big deal.
After you.
This must be Edmund Henley.
Obviously.
"Henley built Crazy
Fun Park in 1979
to address the lack of activities
in the Asphodel Heights area.
After a series of accidents,
Henley was accused
of cutting corners
and ignoring safety.
Blah blah blah.
To address the concerns,
Henley declared,
'Life isn't about being
wrapped in cotton wool.
I just wanted to create a place
where people could enjoy
themselves and celebrate life.
Plus, the only thing
that brings me joy
is the sound of
breaking bones.'"
Where does it say
that? Get your own.
Hey, we should climb
the roller-coaster.
We'd get the best shot up there.
Want your fortune told?
That thing wouldn't
have worked in 20 years.
Are you ready to
live dangerously?
Are you ready to
learn the truth?
What does it say?
Nothing.
It's blank.
I want a go.
Argh! Argh!
Oh, my God! What the...
I hate you.
So, why'd you move?
Dad grew up here,
wanted to take over
the family business.
And your mum didn't? No.
So, what's the family business?
Hold up, you live in a morgue?
It's a funeral home,
and adjoining it, yeah.
Cool.
Wanna see our work?
This is a lot of effort.
Why don't you just
use your phone?
If I want to become
a photo journalist,
I'm going to need more
than just my phone.
If you were to hazard a guess,
how close would you say we
are to a corpse right now?
Dude. It's fine.
A lot of people get
weirded out by death.
It's no big deal.
As long as you don't
mind them screaming...
..in the dead of night.
Oh, yeah, you're real
funny, real comedian.
Look out, Andy Samberg.
Oh, no.
You haven't seen my
film roll, have you?
Maybe you dropped it
during the arachnid attack.
Oh, bummer.
What?
Maybe don't use a camera
from the Jurassic period.
I'm sorry, we haven't properly
house-broken Mapplethorpe yet.
I'll see you at school.
It's the perfect ending.
Paves the way for the sequel.
Great, then the novel's done.
Shall we get a test reading?
Hey, Ches, mum's just in a
meeting. Dinner's in the fridge.
Well, I can show my
mum. Hi, sweetie.
Mwah. How was your day?
Smy God! Smarvellous.
Hi, Ches. Hey.
I'm running late, babe,
but dinner is served,
and don't forget
what you've gotta do.
What? Laundry.
Ugh! Ugh!
Love you. Mwah.
Bye-bye. Bye.
I can ask her tomorrow.
Hey, I was thinking Violetta.
She doesn't know comics.
Yeah, she knows creepy though.
You didn't have to be
so rude to her today.
Pfft!
We need her as much as a
turkey needs a ukulele.
Just don't embarrass
me in front of her.
I don't embarrass you.
You must be thinking
of someone else.
Hey, Ches, the
internet's playing up.
Have you changed the settings?
Ah, I gotta go.
Friends for another day?
Friends for another day.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
As one of the world's most
respected creative schools...
As one of the world's most
respected creative schools,
we're looking for students
with a strong voice.
Melbourne has a lot to offer,
and is a great place to grow.
Yes?
How can we show you our work? I've
already answered that question.
But, hypothetically,
let's say someone was late
and didn't hear your answer.
Well then, maybe that someone
should learn punctuality.
Or you could just repeat
it. That's all for now.
A big hand for Professor
Oliander. Thank you, thank you.
That dude's a buzz kill.
Chester, a word?
Ugh!
Alone.
OK.
I was hoping
you'd be on time.
This could be right
up your alley.
You want me to go
to another school?
I'm not a big fan of compliments,
they don't build character,
but your pictures
aren't terrible.
A school like Creative High
could help you blossom.
I can't say that
about many kids here.
Thanks.
I'd hate to see your talent
wasted on misguided loyalty.
He's my best friend.
And friends can drag you
down if you let them.
Just think about it.
Hey.
I've been looking
for you everywhere.
I couldn't find
you after science.
Yeah, I'm just finishing
off some homework.
Sweet, where do we start?
You're re-doing our assignment?
Yeah, just...
I'll talk to you later.
OK.
What's up with the scanner?
Oh!
Oh!
Do you know how long that took?
I can fix it.
Why do you have to
ruin everything?
I didn't mean it.
Why don't you take a photo?
It'll last longer.
You can shoot it on some old
camera and pretend you're a genius.
Can't you just grow up? What?
She thinks she's so great
because she's from the big city.
Such a burden to have
to slum it here with us.
Well, here's a notification, bing,
we don't want you here either!
I'm sorry.
He hates me.
Hates you?
Jeez.
I've never seen two boys
more joined at the hip.
But he said that I
ruined everything.
You two have a bond
that is so special,
it could survive anything.
You sure you're OK? Mm.
Come here.
You'll sort this out.
Just remember what grandma says.
Dad's a mouth breather and
we're better off without him?
You should never go to
bed with bad feelings.
I love you.
And don't forget the laundry.
Guess who?
What are you doing here? You
weren't answering my calls.
Yeah, I was just working.
Boring.
I've got a better idea. Yeah?
Let's go to Crazy Fun Park.
What, now?
Are you scared?
It's just late, I've
gotta finish that.
I'm trying to apologise.
It's not me you should
be apologising to.
So this is about her?
What if we find her film roll?
We're not gonna
find it, it's dark.
It'll be where she dropped it.
Not only will we have
done her a solid,
but you'll look braver
than a wee little piggy
rolling in barbecue sauce.
Mapplethorpe, fixer of lives.
Going somewhere?
You know, we gotta
grow up eventually.
What if I don't want to?
Friends for another day?
I'll see you tomorrow.
Where's Mapplethorpe?
He'll be here.
You can't wait any longer.
I'm not dealing
with another call
from that miserable
teacher of yours.
Exciting times, we are
starting a brand new...
Oh, nice of you...
Where is Mapplethorpe?
Probably lost track of
time taking belfies again.
OK, the new book is A Monster
Calls by Patrick Ness.
Apparently, it is exceptional.
Have you heard
from Mapplethorpe?
No. He's giving me
the silent treatment.
Why?
I had this dream last night.
Hello?
Is
Mapplethorpe with you?
Uh, no.
He didn't, he didn't
stay at your house?
No.
What's going on?
I just got a call from school.
His, his bag is here, and
his bed hasn't been slept in.
If he's not with you...
"'I forgive you, ' Lily said,
catching up with him on the walk
to school the following day.
..started yelling at him."
Chester, when did you
last see Mapplethorpe?
Is there any reason why he'd
go to the park alone at night?
Chester, when did you
last see Mapplethorpe?
Is there any reason why
he'd go to the park alone?
Your mother will be here
soon to pick you up.
He wasn't at
our house this morning.
He's always running late, so
I didn't think anything of it.
When did you
last see Mapplethorpe?
He's
always running late.
Chester, when did
you last see Mapplethorpe?
Is there any reason why
he'd go to the park alone?
Hey. Chester.
It was meant to
bring joy to the community,
but today, the
long-condemned Crazy Fun Park
is the scene of yet
another tragedy.
A teenage boy fell to
his death late last night
while climbing the
wooden roller-coaster.
No one has the slightest idea...
Mapplethorpe?
You there?
This is just a prank...
..right?
Friends for another day?
Hello?
Over here.
Turn around.
Chester.
Chester.
No!
No!
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's me.
Mapplethorpe. Are you...
Welcome to Crazy Fun Park.
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation