Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - When Do I Get to Spend Time with Josh? - full transcript

When Darryl sells the law firm, the new boss Nathaniel (guest star Scott Michael Foster) threatens layoffs, which causes everyone to go into panic mode. Rebecca, determined to save everyone's jobs, goes to extreme measures to prove Nathaniel wrong. Scott Michael Foster guest stars.

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Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

So, how's it feel to be
sleeping with a model? Boom!

I really was into you, but
now my feelings changed.

- What are you saying?
- I'm saying... we're over.

- I couldn't do all of this without you.
- Aw, it's nothing.

And it means a lot to
me. You're the best.

I had sex with Tanya.

You don't live here... anymore.

I volunteer as tribute!

- Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm here to help.

Let me do something.
I'll be like Mr. Mom!



Rebecca, I'm an idiot.

I realize now that all
this time it's been you.

You've always been there for me.

Do you want to go somewhere and talk?

- I don't know if I can just leave.
- What?

You could've sailed right
out that door with Josh,

but you didn't... instead
you were here for me

when I needed you.

I love you!

I love you, too.

? I'm just a girl in love ?

? La-la-la, lovey-dove ?

? I can't be held
responsible for my actions ?

? She's an ingenue ?



? I have no underlying
issues to address ?

? I'm certifiably cute
and adorably obsessed ?

? They say love makes you crazy ?

? Therefore, you can't call her crazy ?

? 'Cause when you call her crazy ?

? You're just calling her in love. ?

Blam!

- Boom!
- Ooh.

- Hey, here!
- Nice.

Eh, eh. Yeah, yeah.

Just a gentle... there we go.

Wow. You're amazing.

Thank you.

I have really enjoyed having a wife.

I can totally understand why
people want several, but...

- Uh-oh, what's the but?
- ... but...

you really have to figure
out what you're doing...

about that.

Josh is spending all his salary on crap.

It looks like a children's
cancer ward in here.

Why are you not running into his arms?

It's been a week and...

I eventually have to figure out
how to do all this on my own, so...

Why are you really
not calling Josh back?

I'm scared.

Okay? I-I don't know if I can trust him.

I mean, he's had
basically three girlfriends

in the past couple months.

What if I'm just the... rebound
to the rebound of the rebound?

Do you still love him?

You know the answer to that question.

Well, then that's all
that matters. Right?

- I...
- So come on.

He has been standing
out there for three days.

- Well, I went home to shower.
- Well...

I peed in your plants a lot, though.

Yeah, okay, okay. Look,
Josh, why don't you...

go ahead.

Rebecca...

I-I know I hurt you, and I don't
blame you for not trusting me, but...

I promise you it'll
be different this time.

We'll start over, and
do things the right way.

You hurt her...

I kill you.

'Kay?

So go.

Go be in love.

? Good morning, sir. ?

_

Hurry up, let's go.

Hey!

_

- Gracias!
- Gracias!

_

I-I'm really sorry, Alex, uh,

just feeling kind of flu-y.

So I can't make my shift.

Sorry, bro.

Bye.

I feel kind of bad
about missing work, but...

today is going to be your
first time at Raging Waters,

- so it's totally worth it!
- Oh! Mm...

Oh, my gosh. Okay, wait.

True confesh time.

- Uh-huh.
- I have been dreaming

about going to Raging Waters with you

ever since you told me
about it that day at camp.

Do you remember?

I remember it was on July 25, 2005,

because that was the day my aunt died,

and you were trying to
take my mind off things.

So you were telling me about the park

and all the fun slides
and the unlimited churros.

I may have exaggerated
about the churros.

You have to pay for them.

I get that. But I'm just
so excited to go with you

and hold your hand on the lazy river.

And throw our arms up

like we're little kids when
we're on all the flumes.

Oh, Rebecca, I love you.

Oh. Y-you love me?

You mean you love something about me.

No. You.

I love you.

Oh, my God, I love you, too, Josh Chan.

Come here.

Uh, Rebecca, can you un-cuddle yourself?

Darryl has been stalking my entire life.

Apparently, there's
an emergency at work,

and he's trying to call you...

Okay, yeah, well, you know what,

there's really bad cell
service in the love bubble.

Okay, well, maybe you could
change to a better provider.

Ah. Okay, fine.

Ew.

Let's see.

Uh... blah.

37 missed calls. Come on.

Okay, um...

Hey, little koala,

Is it okay, before we
go to the water park,

if we stop in at work
just for two seconds?

Please, please, please?

Do we have to?

I like to get there when the park opens.

Those first 15 minutes are the
only time the park's truly clean.

No, I know, but this
is really important.

I think Darryl's
panicking a little. Okay?

- Hey, you can come with me.
- What?!

Two seconds, max. I promise.

So, for tomorrow night,

I got us a great table with Mom and Dad

at Pepper and Oil,
the best place in town.

We're doing a pricks ficks menu.

Oh, I think you mean a prix fixe menu.

What? No. Those words
have X's in them, like Bex.

I'm super stoked for my parents
to get to know us as a couple.

Oh...

- Mm...
- Mm...

Huh. It's so dead in here.

Oh. There they are. Huh.

Hey, Josh, I'll be
back in just one second.

Okay? One second.

Okay.

Hey. What up, what up, what up?

What's with the faces?

Karen, did you try to cook a
chicken in the microwave again?

Not today, but it can be done.

Is this her?

This is who we've been waiting for?

This is Rebecca Bunch,
your star attorney?

Hi. Sorry. What?

You're 25 minutes late, and that
does not happen here anymore.

Who is this? What's this?

- What's going on? What's happening?
- Rebecca,

this is Nathaniel Plimpton,
the new co-owner of the firm.

Co-own... Wait, you...
you sold the firm?

You bought the firm?
You sold it and he... No.

Yes.

- Nah...
- Yeah.

Nathaniel Plimpton from Plimpton,
Plimpton and Plimpton in Los Angeles?

Your father's a big deal
at a white shoe firm.

What would he want with a two-bit
operation in this one-horse town?

Does she always talk like
an old-timey detective?

Nathaniel's family firm

is looking to expand in
the San Gabriel Valley,

and he made a cash
offer over the weekend

that was very generous.

Oh, Darryl,

- Darryl...
- What?

Darryl, what did you do?

I have expenses.

Okay? I have alimony.

Madison's teeth are coming
in forwards and sideways.

And you know what, this is
gonna be great for everyone.

They're a huge firm.

They're gonna take us to the next level.

But, Darryl, I liked our level.

Trust me. I got this.

You know what, this is gonna be great.

Uh, you seem great, but I...

Just one sec.

... I have, um, something to do
today, so I cannot be here today,

but let's reconnect tomorrow
and get to know each other, okay?

Ms. Bunch?

Can I see you in my office, please?

"Office"?

What...?

Um... this isn't your office.

This is Darryl's office.

Oh, I moved him to your office.

It's taken these guys hours
to get the crap out of here.

Looked like a gas station in New Mexico.

Weird taste, that
Darryl. What's that about?

Um, it's not weird.
He's one-eighth Chippewa.

Is that how he got into law school?

Okay. I was wondering.

Look, you seem like a very confident,

self-assured and conventionally
handsome young gentleman,

but you can't just come in here

and start moving people's offices.

You can have a cubicle.

Any one you want. Maybe
one near the kitchen?

Excuse me?

You know, I'm actually glad we're
having this little heart-to-heart,

because, to be frank...

Oh, please do start being frank.

... you seem like the only
competent person who works here.

- Hmm.
- Or at least I thought you might be.

You're the one who put this
place on our radar, so...

- it's kind of your fault that I'm here.
- Yay for me.

So we're gonna start running
this place like a real business.

My father and our firm
demand nothing less.

So we maximize every second.

I'm gonna need 60 hours
a week from everybody,

daily reports, lunch is
limited to 30 minutes.

Basically,

anything going on in
your life right now,

I recommend you cancel it.

And then go ahead and cancel it again

just to make sure that
they know that it's...

you know, it's cancelled, okay?

You know, this
conversation takes me back.

Oh, it takes me back to New
York and Harvard and Yale.

Mm, I'm a Stanford man myself.

But, you know, I came to West Covina

to search for happiness...

which I have recently found
in my soul mate, Josh Chan.

Who?

Oh... Josh. That's
Josh Chan. Right there.

- Yeah. He made that cup tower.
- Oh!

Oh.

I thought he was here to
change the water cooler.

You know how they always
send those little buff guys?

It's like you got to look like
a water cooler to work on 'em.

My dad and I have a whole
bit we do about that.

Yeah, he's not a water
cooler, he's wonderful.

And you are everything I moved
across country to get away from.

So... um, hmm.

I quit.

I said I quit.

Great, you're leaving.

Now I only have to fire four people.

What?

Well, yeah.

We need to get 250K out of the
budget by Friday at 8:00 a.m.,

per my agreement with my father.

Huh? You can't come in here and
just start randomly firing people.

Sure, I can. Somebody's got
to come up with $250,000.

Just get it out of new business.

No one can do that.

I can.

Oh, but you just quit.

So it's not your problem.

I guess those people are on their own.

We are getting fired. So fired.

This happened to me once.

Here comes a Canada story

I was working for this firm in Manitoba

and they brought in
this shark from Guelph

and he canned everyone.

It was a fishery, so it was ironic.

I can't get fired, all right?

My marriage is a shambles.

We're already paying
for two places to live.

I'm gonna have to quit law school.

This job's is the only thing
keeping my family afloat.

I bought a chinchilla from a
high-priced dealer in Ventura

and the APR is ten percent.

I'm the one who's gonna get fired.

Mark my words. It's-it's always me.

Garry, stop being so self-involved.

George. It's George. My name is George.

Okay, I don't like new things. I
don't like it when new people come in.

It is never a good thing.

? Who's the new guy? ?

? I don't trust him ?

? What's his purpose going to be? ?

? Who's this new character? ?

? I mean, he's such a "character" ?

? Such a big persona that's
not relatable at all ?

? Do we really need a new guy
this far into the season? ?

? And by "far into the season" ?

? I mean it's almost fall ?

? Who's the new guy? ?

? I don't trust him ?

? He's suspiciously good looking ?

? In ways that normal people are not ?

? Is this some sort of desperate
move to help our ratings? ?

- Yeah.
- ? Will he be here forever ?

? Or just for two or three episodes? ?

? You know, Karen's manic episodes ?

I'm a ticking time bomb.

? Who's the new guy? ?

? I don't trust him ?

? Is he going to be a
mainstay of our lives? ?

? Is this someone new ?

? We're gonna have to
grow to care about? ?

? Why should we root for someone ?

? Male, straight and white? ?

? And why is Karen finger-painting? ?

? I'm having a manic episode ?

? Who's the new guy? ?

? What's his deal? What's his deal? ?

? What's his deal? What's his deal? ?

? Who wants to buy my painting? ?

? Karen, shut up! ?

- Oh!
- Okay.

No.

So you quit and then un-quit

and we're not going to Raging Waters?

Becks, I called in sick.

I did the whole fake
cough and everything.

I know. I know. I feel terrible. But...

I got to stay. Okay?

I'm sorry. Do you want me to
reimburse you for the tickets?

No. Don't be ridiculous.

I'll call Hector and see if
him and his mom want to go.

Although they do have
that cooking class.

Oh, God, I feel terrible.

Should I also cancel dinner
with my parents tomorrow?

They bought matching cardigans!

No, no, uh-uh,

we're not cancelling anything
for handsome Hitler over there.

Except you cancelled our whole day.

After today. After today, no cancelling.

We are never cancelling.

Okay?

I feel bad for everybody, knowing
that they might lose their jobs.

Shh, shh, shh. I'm not...
I'm not telling them.

If they know they might get fired,

they'll do their jobs
even worse than usual.

which is... tough, but they'll do it.

Excuse me, sir.

Before you go, would you mind
changing the water cooler?

Mind? Nah. Love this stuff.

- Thank you.
- He's not...

Never mind.

Well, at least we're cubicle buddies.

Hey, hey, hey, no, Paula, don't panic.

Okay, just give it to me straight.

Who is getting fired?

I mean, it's got to be
Karen, right? She's awful.

I mean, can we make it
Karen, if it's not Karen?

No one's getting fired.

Oh, my God, I am so fired.

- We are are all so fired.
- No, no, no, no, no.

I'm gonna live in a box with my family.

How am I gonna cook? How
am I gonna do laundry?

How am I gonna take a bath?

Because that is the only thing
that gets me through the day,

just thinking about
sinking into those suds!

The minute I laid eyes on him,
I knew we were all in trouble.

A man with a face that
perfectly symmetrical...

has no soul.

Thank you.

Hey, so I am so glad that
we could get together.

You know, man-to-man,

co-boss to co-boss, equal to equal.

You know, if I might, I would
suggest the seasoned fries.

Oh, paprika?

Paprik-yes! Oh.

I don't eat fries.

Or salt.

Or solids before sundown.

Yeah. I eat a liquid-based,

open-source meal
replacement two times a day

- and a no-carb dinner.
- Wow.

I track my sugar with
this glucose monitor.

Wh-what is that?

It's a small machine that
implants right in the soft tissue.

- Reports my carb intake.
- Oh, my God.

You are literally a machine.

You are in it to win it.

You're like a young me.

- Uh... mm...
- So listen, Young Me,

I just wanted to say a little bit more

about the Whitefeather culture...

Darryl, rest assured,

I will take into consideration
any, and all of your input.

- Great.
- Now that I'm the majority owner.

Great... what?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You and I are equal partners.

We were.

You sold me half of your
equity in the firm...

Exactly, so we own an equal amount.

... then I tracked down your ex-wife,

bought the equity she
got in the divorce,

so now I am the majority holder.

Just think of it this way,

instead of there being two co-bosses,

there are three, right?

And I'm two of them, so...

we'll never worry about a tie

because the third boss
will always break it.

But that's you.

Great point.

Oh, Darryl.

You're right, these do look delicious.

Just...

Oh, God.

The sweet smell of heart disease.

Oh.

Well, enjoy.

Hi, this is Rebecca Bunch from
Whitefeather and Associates.

And we recently met at the
conference of mortgage brokers.

And I am wondering if you're happy

with your current legal representation,

or if you're perhaps
looking for a new firm?

Yes, I am the young lady
with the ample bosom,

and I am gonna let
you talk to me that way

if you hire us to represent you.

_

Ugh. Oh, damn it.

No, I'm sorry, sir, I
was not cursing at you.

What am I wearing?

How dare you.

You know, if-if you want to
know sexual details about me,

you have to employ me first.

Okay, keep in touch. Mm-hmm.

"Still working, sorry, be home soon."

What are you doing?

Water polo.

I played right wing for Stanford.

Well, that's a charming picture.

Cute little bonnet. What's that called?

A bonnet.

So what are you working on?

Oh, this is my list of people to fire.

What? Give me that.

"Number one... Screechy
Blonde Oversharer.

"Number two... Dumb
Canadian Joke Guy, yeah.

"Number three... Mousey Glasses Girl.

"Number four... Red-haired
Sarcastic Mom Lady."

No, no, no!

You can't, you can't
fire any of these people.

Especially not "Red-haired
Sarcastic Mom Lady."

Her name is Paula.

And she's great, and she's in law
school, and she's my best friend.

Paula, that's her name.

Okay, thank you.

I could not remember "Paula."

Wow, you're cold.

Your parents must be amazing.

They are, actually.

My family's pretty much
perfect. We're known for it.

People call us "The Perfect Plimptons."

You know, Nathaniel, I used
to be like you, ruthless.

But then, one day, I was crying a lot,

and I decided to...

flip things around.

Decided to put happiness before success.

And when I did that,
the world rewarded me

with true happiness.

It rewarded me with...

a man who is strong

and sweet and confident

and inspires me every day.

Oh, you're dating another guy?

Not the human flip-flop that
was in the office before?

Nope, that's him.

Yeah, no, that's him.

And you know what?
He's-he's not a flip-flop

and he's not a water cooler, he's a man.

He's a human man.

And he's the human man of my dreams.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

I just got us a massive meeting with
a massive client tomorrow morning.

Read this. Read that, Perfect Plimpton.

Yeah!

I'm gonna get that 250K. Oh, yeah!

And you know what? Tomorrow, wear
your fancy little Easter bonnet.

What a jerk.

Water polo.

It's like could he be more of a white?

I never understood that sport.

How do they get the horses in the water?

I don't know. I don't know
anything about that stupid sport

'cause I'm not a WASPy robot.

Hey, can we stop talking about this guy?

It's really boring.

You're right.

You're right. I'm so sorry.

I should not give him this power.

I shouldn't let his needle
puncture our love bubble.

- Mm-mm.
- Come here.

Did I tell you he wears a bonnet?

- I'm gonna go watch TV.
- It's...

See, he's getting to you
just like he's getting to me.

It just doesn't fit in this office,

and I know how much you love it.

Oh. For me. Good.

Good. Thanks, babe. Thank you.

That's... very sweet.

I can't wait to...

display this prominently
in my home somewhere.

Oh, Josh...

I think I've made a terrible mistake.

You were right.

Selling the firm was an
impulse decision. I...

Damn it!

I flew too close to the sun,
and I got wax in my feathers.

Oh. It's okay, babe.

You got a lot of feathers left.

Hey. Darryl, come on.

We've got an important meeting.

What's wrong with him?

He's having a tough time.

None of his... dream
catchers work in here.

Don't worry about me.

I'm okay, and no matter what happens,

everyone in this office has each other,

and we'll get through this together.

Yeah. Together. Okay, come on. Just go.

We got to set up. Come on.

Bunch of people about to get fired?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, at least I can
take the carpool lane.

Mr. Whitworth, Mr. Stonebrow,

I would like to start by saying that

I think your country club
is exclusive in the best way.

I mean, I would never be accepted

due to my gender and heritage,

and good for you guys
for keeping it old school.

So, all you're trying to do is purchase

this small parcel of land,

but the cemetery over
here is blocking you

for purchasing it by suing you.

Our lawyers have tried to
get that suit thrown out.

Yes, and they failed.

Because they're afraid
to get their hands dirty.

But... not me.

I never even wash my hands.

Sirs, what you need is someone
who will bury that cemetery.

Solid wordplay. Go on.

Five years ago, this cemetery said

they would run out of
room in three years.

Yet, they're still burying bodies. Why?

Why is that?

Well, I think it's because

they're stacking bodies
on top of other bodies.

Mm-hmm. Don't believe me?
Happens all the time. Google it.

And when I prove

that they are engaging
in this criminal activity,

they are gonna drop the
lawsuit like a dead body.

On top of ten or 12 other dead bodies.

Isn't that blackmail?

Little bit.

You know, sometimes you
just got to say to the wife,

"You know, maybe you should get a job.

"Then you can tell me
not to go to strip clubs."

Am I right? Huh?

I'm a lady. I can say it.

And, well, gentlemen, thank
you so much for your time today.

And I look forward to
hearing from you soon.

Yes, you'll have our decision
within two to three weeks.

Okay. Well, you two take care. Bye.

- You did great!
- Yeah.

I could teach a very offensive class

on how to appeal to rich, white men.

I don't know what you guys are so
happy about. They didn't hire us.

They're clearly going to.

In two to three weeks?

What is wrong with you people?

I said Friday at 8:00
a.m. That's the deadline.

Wait. What...? What deadline?

Nothing. It's a deadline
that Nathaniel's obsessed with

because his rich daddy said it.

Pardon me?

I mean, you have to admit,
you are a little obsessed.

Sometimes it's like, you
know, "Paging Dr. Freud.

"Oedipus needs his blanky."

It's like it's a joke.

- Yeah.
- What's that guy's name?

- It's Glenn?
- Gene.

It's George.

Oh. George, you're fired.

- No!
- What?!

- We can't get by without Gene.
- Glenn!

I just said it's George.

George, pack your bags, son.

You're fired.

? It's me ?

? It's always me ?

? And no one says a word ?

? But this time I'll
stand up for myself ?

? And finally be heard ?

? George won't be ignored ?

? George won't be
interrupted because... ?

Yes, Mr. Whitworth.

So I know you said it
would be a few weeks,

but I was hoping we could get a
"yes" a little sooner than that,

so I was calling to say
that if you say yes now,

we will throw in a
signing bonus of $10,000.

And also, I don't know

if you happened to
notice my ample bosom,

but we do have No-Bra
Fridays here, and...

Oh, I'm on speaker?

Oh, okay. Hey, gang!

All right. Hope to hear from you soon.

All right. Bye.

This is so great.

I'm so happy we're having this dinner.

Mom,

Dad,

I really want you to get to
know me and Rebecca as a team.

A partnership.

A two-headed love monster.

Oh, that's so sweet, Josh. Mmm.

That's adorable.

Isn't it, Joseph?

Love monster. Very cute.

I'm tickled.

It's just that Josh and I
have been through so much,

and we're both so relieved

that we've finally bridged the fjord

that once separated us.

Damn it!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I meant I'm so happy, I went, "Damn it!"

I'm so damn glad to be here

with the Chans tonight.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

I'm... I'm sorry. You know what?

I have to just hit the ladies room.

I'm not a football player. Ha, ha. Okay.

She...

Hey!

Hey, why are you spying on
me, you Inglorious Bastard?

Oh, please. I am not
here because of you.

This is the only decent
restaurant in town.

It's the only place I can get a steak

that isn't stuffed with cheese.

Thank you.

Now, quit bothering me

and go back to Board
Shorts McGee and his family.

You know what? His name is
Josh Freaking Chan, okay?

It's not Board Shorts McGee.

It's not Flip Flop,
it's not Water Cooler.

And frankly, you're a little
obsessed with Josh Chan.

Yeah, it's, like, weird and unhealthy.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hundo for you if you slip some
American cheese singles into his steak.

Oh! Sorry about that.

Rebecca is so good at her job.

In fact, she's so devoted to her job,

I really haven't seen her a
whole lot the last couple of days.

Uh, but, you know,
she's really inspired me.

I've been talking to
Alex about a promotion.

Oh, that's wonderful, Josh.

Are you out of that tiny backroom yet?

I told you,

that's where the management desks are.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I thought he was here to
change the water cooler...

water cooler...

Blah, blah, puka shells,

blah, blah, karate,

blah, blah, blah,

sleeping in my old twin bed, blah, blah,

intensive purposes.

See, I always urge people
to hang on to their receipts,

because of our generous return policy;

60 days, with or without the box.

Go back to Board Shorts McGee.

Board Shorts, McGee...

Doop, doop, dee doop,

doop, doople dee doop,

doop, doop, doop.

Doople dee doop, doop, doop,

doop, doop, doop...

Stop it.

What's wrong, Rebecca?

Um, I'm so sorry, I, um...

I have to go.

You're not, like, actually going.

We-we just got here.

We-we haven't gotten our amuse bushes.

It's a amuse-bouche! Okay?

It's a small bite that
tickles your palate.

I'm sorry, didn't mean
to get mad at that.

I have to go. I have to fix this.

Josh, all I want to do is
be back in our love bubble.

Okay, but I-I-I have to go,

I have to go.

That was rude.

It was.

I still like her more than Valencia.

Nathaniel's just ruining everything.

He's getting in my head, he's making
me think that Josh is an idiot,

which is ridiculous.

Oh, it's fine. Okay, all I have to do

is get the proof, get the
client, save everyone's jobs,

and then I can just quit

and go back to my love bubble.

- I found something!
- Oh, what?

Oh, my God!

- That's a skull.
- Just wait, there's more.

- Boom.
- Oh, my God.

Oh!

- Awesome.
- Yes, awesome.

They totally buried two
bodies in one casket.

I mean, that's not awesome.

But, like, for us, this is awesome.

Yes! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

- There's four leg bones in here!
- Okay, we got the skulls,

we got the proof, let's just...

let's just get out of here, okay?

I've got two pelvises!

Freeze! Drop the bones!

Paula, it's the fuzz. Scatter!

Paula!

Paula...

I am so sorry that I left you. I...

the light flashed and I panicked

and I just... I ran here, what happened?

I convinced the security
guard to let me go.

How?

I told him that I would go
to the Long Beach Aquarium

with him on Saturday.

He likes the touch tank.

I don't want to talk about it.

I just want to go home and shower.

Yeah, I understand that, Paula,

but we can't... we can't...
we got to get to work.

- What?
- Oh, it's 7:45!

- We got to go!
- Why?

Just-just get this jalopy moving, Paula.

But I want to go home
and scrub the dead bodies

and the security guard
breath off my body.

Paula, Nathaniel's gonna start
firing people at 8:00 a.m.

Business is not personal.

It's about the bottom line.

It's about efficiency,
saving time and money...

Just do it! I can't take it anymore.

Do with me what you will,
fire me, throw me out.

Cover me in honey and blindfold me.

My safe word is penis.

I heard someone yell penis.

What's wrong, Karen?

Listen.

It's nothing personal,

but...

Stop, stop. Stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop.

Stop, stop.

We have proof.

Paula and I have proof

that the cemetery's
committing burial fraud.

Great. Where is that proof?

Okay. It was a little bit
confiscated, but we can get more

because we know it's there now.

So you still don't have the client.

Technically, no.

But they will hire us once they see...

How many times do I have
to say Friday at 8:00 a.m.

That's the deadline.

You lost. Game over.
Get out of the pool,

wash off the chlorine, and
apologize to your father.

What?

It's over.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Please, please don't do this.

Please don't do this. Can
I talk to you in private?

For just one-one second,
one second, in private.

Rebecca, I understand
that you are emotional,

but, hey, we had a deal.

You cannot do this to these people.

- Well, uh...
- These are good people.

They've supported me
through a lot of tough times.

I mean, I moved here
less than a year ago,

completely started over
and they, they supported me.

You know, even the most
humiliating moments.

I pooped in a shoe on YouTube.

Okay?! That's what happened.

Please, I beg you. I'm begging you.

Human to human,

just reconsider, just reconsider.

You know, I really thought
that you could be a winner.

Help me put this place on the map.

But I was wrong.

You're weak.

And I should've recognized that

the second I met your loser boyfriend.

If you'll excuse me, I have
some people that I need to fire,

but I need to get my list
because, for some reason,

I can't remember anyone's
name except for Paula's.

- Get over here.
- Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, you're such an arrogant jerk.

You're about to ruin the
lives of these innocent...

semi-hardworking people.

Also, do you know
what you've made me do?

You made me offend my future in-laws.

You almost got me arrested.

I watched my best friend hold
a human pelvis in her hands.

I have offered to show my ample bosom

to so many gross, old men,

and you made the love of my life say,

"Boop-be-doop, be-doop,
be-doop, be-doop, be-doop."

I don't know, those words sound
a little advanced for Josh.

Come here, oh!

Okay, listen, you are
surprisingly nimble,

but...

just put the pen down.

- Okay?
- Why are you running?

Why are you running so fast from a girl?

Stop running, you coward!

Why don't we stop right
here and just take a breath.

Huh?

- Oh, no.
- Aah!

Whoa.

It's the flying squirrel.

Oh, God!

Well, we should break it up.

She might hurt him and
that would be terrible.

Darryl, you're the boss.
You have to intervene!

Actually, I'm not a boss.

I'm not even a co-boss.

I'm a semi-pseudo-boss.

I mean nothing.

I'm useless. A puppet.

A male cheerleader.

No. No, no, no, no.

- Oh, no.
- Let me kill you.

Oh, God.

Hello, gentlemen.

How may I help you?

- Take it.
- No.

- Take it.
- Uh... yes.

Nathaniel has a terrible peanut allergy

and Rebecca is trying to
stab him with an EpiPen.

I'm gonna kill you.

Really?

- You are crazy.
- Yeah, little bit.

Gentlemen, I am so sorry
you had to witness that.

Peanut allergies, my son has that.

It's a nightmare. Blasted legumes.

Ah.

What can we do for you sirs?

Oh, uh, the cemetery dropped
their suit this morning,

and we thought that you might
have something to do with it

and now that we smell
the scent of death on you,

we know it was you.

You really went above and beyond.

Or should I say... below?

- Good one, Stonebrow.
- Thank you.

So, you can send the papers over today.

Let's get that land, okay?

Oh, wonderful.

Uh, looking forward to
working with you sirs.

Thank you, guys.

So... I did it.

I got the money.

So, you fire any of these people

over my dead body.

Pun intended.

Sir...

if you're gonna terminate
anyone, let it be me...

- Darryl...
- ... for I am the angel

that let the devil run
loose in this house.

My greed has imperiled
these wonderful people.

Shame on me...

for I have failed all of you.

I am but the jester in
this house of feathers.

Really?

Why is everyone so dramatic around here?

Look, I've been saying all
week, I need to hit a number

and we just did, so...

you're safe for today.

- Yes!
- See?

Oh! Wow!

Oh, geez.

- Oh!
- Oh.

Sorry.

- Oh, you did a great job.
- Good job.

Yeah, buddy.

Oh, you did, yeah.

Totally worth it.

You smell awful.

Well, thank you for literally
fighting for us in there.

Oh, he's a terrible person.

He is a... terrible, terrible...

dreamboat.

Like, it's weird how
good-looking he is, right?

It's an, it's not, no...

it's-it's like he's chiseled

out of evil marble.

What's the matter?

Everything worked out

and you are free and clear.

I mean, you can just go
back to your love bubble.

I feel so terrible
about how I treated Josh.

No, I let Nathaniel get to me

and I feel awful about it.

Honey, you were just trying
to save everybody's jobs.

I know, but I seriously
don't know what came over me.

I mean, Josh is my world

and suddenly, Nathaniel made
me think that was stupid,

even for just a second.

I-I mean...

I love Josh Chan

and Josh Chan loves me.

Who cares if he's not
an Ivy League snob?

He's a good, decent person.

I love him so much.

Paula, do you think Josh
will ever forgive me?

So, I know I've been a
bitch the past few days

and I think what happened was...

I absorbed Nathaniel's evilness

and it turned me into a lunatic.

Yeah, exactly.

But you did save your friends' jobs.

So...

I can forgive you this time.

What about your parents?

I-I can't believe I yelled at you
in front of them and then I left.

I owe them such an apology.

That goes without saying.

Yeah.

Hey...

So, um, what do you want to do?

You want to get in our pj's and cuddle

or do you want to just
go straight to bed?

- Go to bed.
- Yeah?

Hey, um, how about I
chase you and you run...

like I'm pretending to
be really mad at you.

What?

Yeah, it's like a sexy, silly fun game.

Like... like, I'll-I'll chase you,

pretending that I want to kill you,

and you'll run and it'll be like,

"Watch out! She's gonna get you."

Okay. Well, I'm pretty fast, you know.

In high school, my
100-yard dash was eighth...

best in the county.

Yeah, just run.

Yeah.

Oh, God!

Uh, so, listen, thank you for...

letting me go in the graveyard.

Oh, don't thank me until you've...

felt the skin of the ray.

It's so soft.

You know, I'm good. I don't...

I just would like to go soon.

- Touch the ray... Paula
- All right. Okay.

Touch the ray.

Okay. I touched the ray.

Can I go now?

Touch the urchin.

Mm...

You have to touch the sea urchin.

Feels like, I don't know,

someone doing you a
favor in a graveyard.

- Okay.
- But, but...

- I want you to look...
- Ah...

... at my face,

so that I can see the moment
when your fingertips...

touch the urchin.

How does it feel?

How does it feel?

Speak from the heart and
don't lie or I'll know.

Okay.

It's, um, it's... sharp.

? It's sharp because the
urchin has the little spines ?

? And that is how they get food. ?

This is so awesome. I
love this stuff so much.

Let's, let's go look at some coral.

Okay? Wait, no, no.

It's this way.

ess. A puppet.

A male cheerleader.

No. No, no, no, no.

- Oh, no.
- Let me kill you.

Oh, God.

Hello, gentlemen.

How may I help you?

- Take it.
- No.

- Take it.
- Uh... yes.

Nathaniel has a terrible peanut allergy

and Rebecca is trying to
stab him with an EpiPen.

I'm gonna kill you.

Really?

- You are crazy.
- Yeah, little bit.

Gentlemen, I am so sorry
you had to witness that.

Peanut allergies, my son has that.

It's a nightmare. Blasted legumes.

Ah.

What can we do for you sirs?

Oh, uh, the cemetery dropped
their suit this morning,

and we thought that you might
have something to do with it

and now that we