Conan the Adventurer (1997–1998): Season 1, Episode 8 - Ransom - full transcript
After the
ocean swallowed Atlantis,
and before recorded
history, there was an age
when mythical kingdoms spread
across an uncharted world.
This was the age of Conan.
Enslaved as a boy, Conan
grew into a warrior.
He escaped to encounter
mystery, magic, and myth,
while forever facing the
ultimate master of sorcery.
Lover, friend,
hero.
His destiny was to free the oppressed
and become a king by his own hand.
Conan.
Ha, ha!
No!
That's my saddle over there.
Now if you're calling this rotting piece
of leather in a sheepskin a saddle,
you might say I'm improving its condition.
You runt of an orc's litter.
I'll improve your condition by knocking
your ugly little head of
your spiny little shoulders.
You try, you stiff-legged bugbear,
and you'll be doing a
snake dance for real.
I'll show you a snake dance.
Kill each other later.
I would like to reach Xullan
in three or four days.
Yeah he can wait a day or two.
If the Xullan chieftain joins us,
we will find safety in his territory.
We had venison left, a whole hind leg.
We did, that's right.
What happened to it?
What'd he say?
It's gone.
I got that.
How?
I woke up.
I was hungry.
If you slept better, we'd eat better.
It was mostly bone.
A whole hind quarter?
You could've at least left a hoof.
There's not enough room
in your mouth for two feet.
Can we at least go to Beargulf.
There are very beautiful women there.
We go where Crom and the sword lead us.
And now,
let's go.
So, the mighty Ursath
has lost his virgin bride,
the savage barbarian, and you
thought it would be so simple
to persuade old Mythron to give you
his daughter's hand in marriage.
Now how do you propose
to empty the treasury
and ransack the land?
So much for an
easy conquest.
Enough of your buzzard squawk!
Oooh, all of your plans,
swept away by a primitive
barbarian.
A painted savage!
Silence!
Mock me no more!
Adraina is mine, I want her back.
Oh, and how do you
expect to accomplish this?
Cast a spell.
Send this upstart Garth
to the demon's pit.
He is immune to my spells.
How is that possible?
When Garth was a youth,
he decreed that no stag
in the Forbidden Forest
should ever be killed.
Since then, he has been
shielded from all spells
by the mighty antler god.
Gah!
I'll attack.
I'll wipe him and his kind
off the face of the earth.
That would be
the death of your army,
because to reach Garth's stronghold,
you have to go through a very
narrow canyon passageway,
and your army will be
slaughtered.
I warn you, old woman.
I took away your sight.
If you are ridiculing me,
you will rue this day.
A small group,
led by the warrior who wields
the sword of Atlantis could sneak through.
Yes, yes!
I have heard of this sword,
handed down by the ancient kings.
Who is this warrior?
Conan the Cimmerian.
Why can't I do this myself?
Because he is Conan and you are not.
Bring him here.
He won't come.
Make him come!
I have intercepted a
spell, cast by Yantona.
You have the audacity
to interrupt my work
with shenanigans of the
blind, useless, old hag.
She has drawn Conan to Ursath's castle.
To Ursath's castle?
Then he must travel
through the elven forest.
I know of no other route.
We owe the old crone a debt.
For once Conan has taken a path
which leads directly into my power.
Zzeben, Zzeben!
Zzeben!
Hyah!
Zzeben!
Zzeben!
Hyah!
The eye, Conan, the eye!
Is there no fairness?
Do I not deserve success in this endeavor?
Patience, master, patience.
We will keep a close watch.
There will be other opportunities.
Patience, patience, patience.
I am running out of patience.
So what?
Greetings, Conan.
Have no fear, I mean you no harm.
I fear no man or beast.
Which are you, wizard?
I am Ursath, lord of this province.
Why did you bring us here?
You think I summoned you?
You arrived in my village
of your own free will.
I thought you would cooperate more
if women showed you the
way rather than soldiers.
Sorcery brought me here.
But this sword will take me away.
When you hear what I have to say,
you will not regret your visit to Ursath.
A few days ago, my bride was abducted.
I will pay a hundred pieces of gold
if you find her and bring her back to me!
Find another bride,
and it will be less
trouble for both of us.
Is not a beauty like
that worth rescuing?
Hmmph, not to me.
Perhaps the Cimmerian
would prefer swords
made of hardened iron?
How many men can you arm?
Bring back my bride and I'll
supply you with 100 swords.
That would equip the men of Xullan.
You will need that.
I'm aware of that.
Who took her?
Garth, a savage who flies
under the antler god banner.
Bring me his head, and I'll make it 200.
300!
300 swords could help raise an army.
I know that.
You'll like these.
The potion Zzeben has
concocted will take time to work.
Good.
Try to get everyone to drink the wine,
and find out where the girl is.
The potion is strong.
If you must quench your
thirst, drink water.
Of course.
Otli's donkey.
Is he dead?
Not that lucky.
It looks like he drank his own wine.
How long will the potion last?
He doesn't know how it
works on little people.
Now what do we do?
Wake up!
Wake up, you halfwit.
Wake up!
Please, please, not so loud.
At the moment, someone is
shoeing his horse inside my head.
I will nail a horseshoe to your butt
unless you tell us what you saw.
Have you seen the girl?
You would not believe what I have seen.
She kissed him.
She kissed Garth?
Yes, no, she didn't kiss
him, she devoured him.
No, no, no, she didn't devour him,
she consumed him with her passions.
I swear I saw flames, then you
wouldn't believe what happened.
She jumped up, and with
her long, naked legs
wrapped around his waist,
he took her into the tent.
What happened next was, I passed out.
If she's in love with the bandit,
she will not want to come back.
I'll bring her back.
I gave him my word.
For you.
Wear it.
It's a symbol of me.
So I'll be with you always.
Is it to protect me,
or to mark me as yours?
Both.
Then I should have two bracelets.
I can do even better than that.
I will give you a slave.
Me.
Garth!
Get out of here!
Take the fastest horses
and hunt this barbarian down.
Find him and hold him for me.
His death is mine.
I'll follow personally and
I'll cut him to pieces.
I'll roast his teeth over the sacred fire,
and wear them around my neck.
Go!
Why are you we stopping?
My horse is going lame.
He can make a poultice and fix it.
How long do you need?
We can be riding before
the sun crosses our shadows.
Let's find shelter behind those rocks.
Sooner or later, you will have to eat.
I will feast at your funeral.
Why did you not take Garth
when you had the chance?
I have no argument with him.
Why should I care?
He will surely come after you.
I know.
And then?
Crom will decide.
Well I only hope he's paying attention.
If you will not eat,
at least have some water.
Are you trying to be kind,
or just concerned I will slow you down?
Your thirst has already
made that decision.
You move like an animal.
A great powerful animal,
but still an animal.
When I was a small girl, I had a dream.
It haunted me endlessly.
A beastman would come and take me away.
He would carry me to a place so far away,
it could never be reached.
You think I'm the beastman?
You're taking me to Ursath, are you not?
It is said Ursath was
sired by a cacodemon,
raised and suckled by imps and succubi.
He made a pact with his
father he would be given
sorcerer's secrets, mysteries
of the dark universe.
How did you know this?
He will send you to your death.
Your words are full of doom and threats.
There was peace in my life once.
My father was lord of Mythra,
a place of a hundred lakes.
A place of peace and prosperity.
My father loved to fish in those lakes.
He kept his nets very well mended.
Such as he did with his life.
If it is so beautiful,
you should've stayed.
I had been promised to Garth,
but Ursath coveted my father's lands.
He cast a spell compelling my father
to give him my hand in marriage.
Garth rescued me.
He loves me, and I him.
What you are doing is wrong.
We are not meant to be apart.
Let me go.
I can't!
First chance I get, I will kill you.
We will see about that.
You have to try harder.
I'm up, I'm alive!
Get Otli and Zzeben ready.
We have to move out of here, now.
It won't be so easy the next time.
Is that your horse, Zzeben?
Is Conan part mountain goat,
that he cannot be trapped in the rocks?
It seems as if he's
a great deal more like,
a heard of bulls.
And you seem to derive
pleasure from his escape.
He did not escape, master.
He was never caught in the first place.
A play on words.
Do not banter with me.
Of course, oh great one.
Is there anything else you desire of me?
Well, good news would be a start.
Should I want for a pleasant message
before I appear again?
Yes, it would be desirable.
It could take a long time.
Would you like,
some bird droppings in your water,
or will you be silent?
Ahh, so,
you are learning some manners at last.
We will go in this
direction, over the mountain.
That will not stop
Garth from following us.
Garth will split the forces.
Half will come after me.
The others will follow you.
I'll meet you later.
Yes, an ambush.
How can you be sure
Garth will split his force?
He will.
Come on, hyah.
This is the track of the Cimmerian.
The horse went in this
direction, Adraina is with them.
Conan went up that mountain.
Zaigon, take six men.
Capture the Cimmerian.
His death belongs to me.
Adraina!
Now!
If you're going to kill, kill.
Lucky Cimmerian, if the dagger
was in my hand you'd be dead.
I got him, I got him.
You think you're
gonna collect your swords?
He will betray you.
You'll find yourself rotting in a dungeon.
Garth is right.
Ursath is not to be trusted.
Conan, their words ring of truth.
I will do what I promised to do.
Welcome, Conan!
You have done more than I asked.
You have brought back my beautiful bride,
and you have brought me
the brigand Garth, alive.
My part of the bargain is complete.
That it is.
I'm very please Cimmerian.
Your swords are being prepared.
Keep your swords.
You lied to me.
It was you who abducted Adraina.
You separated what was
not meant to be separated!
How dare you speak to
me with such insolence!
No one can lie to me or can buy me.
You want his head?
Take him.
You think he's not human?
He's human enough for my sword.
By Crom, this time
you got the right one.
Sorry you didn't get your swords.
Swords that turn into
flowers serve no one.
Not even a beastman.
I am sorry I said that.
You are not my beastman.
Because of you I was able to slay him.
Ride with us.
Share our journey.
We each ride our own journeys.
You enjoy your life, and your woman.
Under all that muscle,
there's a big romantic heart.
One day it will beat faster
for a woman you want.
There's no hope for both of us.
This is a heart you tried
to put your dagger into.
Thank you for making me fail.
My pleasure.
Maybe, I will ride with you.
Not on your life.
ocean swallowed Atlantis,
and before recorded
history, there was an age
when mythical kingdoms spread
across an uncharted world.
This was the age of Conan.
Enslaved as a boy, Conan
grew into a warrior.
He escaped to encounter
mystery, magic, and myth,
while forever facing the
ultimate master of sorcery.
Lover, friend,
hero.
His destiny was to free the oppressed
and become a king by his own hand.
Conan.
Ha, ha!
No!
That's my saddle over there.
Now if you're calling this rotting piece
of leather in a sheepskin a saddle,
you might say I'm improving its condition.
You runt of an orc's litter.
I'll improve your condition by knocking
your ugly little head of
your spiny little shoulders.
You try, you stiff-legged bugbear,
and you'll be doing a
snake dance for real.
I'll show you a snake dance.
Kill each other later.
I would like to reach Xullan
in three or four days.
Yeah he can wait a day or two.
If the Xullan chieftain joins us,
we will find safety in his territory.
We had venison left, a whole hind leg.
We did, that's right.
What happened to it?
What'd he say?
It's gone.
I got that.
How?
I woke up.
I was hungry.
If you slept better, we'd eat better.
It was mostly bone.
A whole hind quarter?
You could've at least left a hoof.
There's not enough room
in your mouth for two feet.
Can we at least go to Beargulf.
There are very beautiful women there.
We go where Crom and the sword lead us.
And now,
let's go.
So, the mighty Ursath
has lost his virgin bride,
the savage barbarian, and you
thought it would be so simple
to persuade old Mythron to give you
his daughter's hand in marriage.
Now how do you propose
to empty the treasury
and ransack the land?
So much for an
easy conquest.
Enough of your buzzard squawk!
Oooh, all of your plans,
swept away by a primitive
barbarian.
A painted savage!
Silence!
Mock me no more!
Adraina is mine, I want her back.
Oh, and how do you
expect to accomplish this?
Cast a spell.
Send this upstart Garth
to the demon's pit.
He is immune to my spells.
How is that possible?
When Garth was a youth,
he decreed that no stag
in the Forbidden Forest
should ever be killed.
Since then, he has been
shielded from all spells
by the mighty antler god.
Gah!
I'll attack.
I'll wipe him and his kind
off the face of the earth.
That would be
the death of your army,
because to reach Garth's stronghold,
you have to go through a very
narrow canyon passageway,
and your army will be
slaughtered.
I warn you, old woman.
I took away your sight.
If you are ridiculing me,
you will rue this day.
A small group,
led by the warrior who wields
the sword of Atlantis could sneak through.
Yes, yes!
I have heard of this sword,
handed down by the ancient kings.
Who is this warrior?
Conan the Cimmerian.
Why can't I do this myself?
Because he is Conan and you are not.
Bring him here.
He won't come.
Make him come!
I have intercepted a
spell, cast by Yantona.
You have the audacity
to interrupt my work
with shenanigans of the
blind, useless, old hag.
She has drawn Conan to Ursath's castle.
To Ursath's castle?
Then he must travel
through the elven forest.
I know of no other route.
We owe the old crone a debt.
For once Conan has taken a path
which leads directly into my power.
Zzeben, Zzeben!
Zzeben!
Hyah!
Zzeben!
Zzeben!
Hyah!
The eye, Conan, the eye!
Is there no fairness?
Do I not deserve success in this endeavor?
Patience, master, patience.
We will keep a close watch.
There will be other opportunities.
Patience, patience, patience.
I am running out of patience.
So what?
Greetings, Conan.
Have no fear, I mean you no harm.
I fear no man or beast.
Which are you, wizard?
I am Ursath, lord of this province.
Why did you bring us here?
You think I summoned you?
You arrived in my village
of your own free will.
I thought you would cooperate more
if women showed you the
way rather than soldiers.
Sorcery brought me here.
But this sword will take me away.
When you hear what I have to say,
you will not regret your visit to Ursath.
A few days ago, my bride was abducted.
I will pay a hundred pieces of gold
if you find her and bring her back to me!
Find another bride,
and it will be less
trouble for both of us.
Is not a beauty like
that worth rescuing?
Hmmph, not to me.
Perhaps the Cimmerian
would prefer swords
made of hardened iron?
How many men can you arm?
Bring back my bride and I'll
supply you with 100 swords.
That would equip the men of Xullan.
You will need that.
I'm aware of that.
Who took her?
Garth, a savage who flies
under the antler god banner.
Bring me his head, and I'll make it 200.
300!
300 swords could help raise an army.
I know that.
You'll like these.
The potion Zzeben has
concocted will take time to work.
Good.
Try to get everyone to drink the wine,
and find out where the girl is.
The potion is strong.
If you must quench your
thirst, drink water.
Of course.
Otli's donkey.
Is he dead?
Not that lucky.
It looks like he drank his own wine.
How long will the potion last?
He doesn't know how it
works on little people.
Now what do we do?
Wake up!
Wake up, you halfwit.
Wake up!
Please, please, not so loud.
At the moment, someone is
shoeing his horse inside my head.
I will nail a horseshoe to your butt
unless you tell us what you saw.
Have you seen the girl?
You would not believe what I have seen.
She kissed him.
She kissed Garth?
Yes, no, she didn't kiss
him, she devoured him.
No, no, no, she didn't devour him,
she consumed him with her passions.
I swear I saw flames, then you
wouldn't believe what happened.
She jumped up, and with
her long, naked legs
wrapped around his waist,
he took her into the tent.
What happened next was, I passed out.
If she's in love with the bandit,
she will not want to come back.
I'll bring her back.
I gave him my word.
For you.
Wear it.
It's a symbol of me.
So I'll be with you always.
Is it to protect me,
or to mark me as yours?
Both.
Then I should have two bracelets.
I can do even better than that.
I will give you a slave.
Me.
Garth!
Get out of here!
Take the fastest horses
and hunt this barbarian down.
Find him and hold him for me.
His death is mine.
I'll follow personally and
I'll cut him to pieces.
I'll roast his teeth over the sacred fire,
and wear them around my neck.
Go!
Why are you we stopping?
My horse is going lame.
He can make a poultice and fix it.
How long do you need?
We can be riding before
the sun crosses our shadows.
Let's find shelter behind those rocks.
Sooner or later, you will have to eat.
I will feast at your funeral.
Why did you not take Garth
when you had the chance?
I have no argument with him.
Why should I care?
He will surely come after you.
I know.
And then?
Crom will decide.
Well I only hope he's paying attention.
If you will not eat,
at least have some water.
Are you trying to be kind,
or just concerned I will slow you down?
Your thirst has already
made that decision.
You move like an animal.
A great powerful animal,
but still an animal.
When I was a small girl, I had a dream.
It haunted me endlessly.
A beastman would come and take me away.
He would carry me to a place so far away,
it could never be reached.
You think I'm the beastman?
You're taking me to Ursath, are you not?
It is said Ursath was
sired by a cacodemon,
raised and suckled by imps and succubi.
He made a pact with his
father he would be given
sorcerer's secrets, mysteries
of the dark universe.
How did you know this?
He will send you to your death.
Your words are full of doom and threats.
There was peace in my life once.
My father was lord of Mythra,
a place of a hundred lakes.
A place of peace and prosperity.
My father loved to fish in those lakes.
He kept his nets very well mended.
Such as he did with his life.
If it is so beautiful,
you should've stayed.
I had been promised to Garth,
but Ursath coveted my father's lands.
He cast a spell compelling my father
to give him my hand in marriage.
Garth rescued me.
He loves me, and I him.
What you are doing is wrong.
We are not meant to be apart.
Let me go.
I can't!
First chance I get, I will kill you.
We will see about that.
You have to try harder.
I'm up, I'm alive!
Get Otli and Zzeben ready.
We have to move out of here, now.
It won't be so easy the next time.
Is that your horse, Zzeben?
Is Conan part mountain goat,
that he cannot be trapped in the rocks?
It seems as if he's
a great deal more like,
a heard of bulls.
And you seem to derive
pleasure from his escape.
He did not escape, master.
He was never caught in the first place.
A play on words.
Do not banter with me.
Of course, oh great one.
Is there anything else you desire of me?
Well, good news would be a start.
Should I want for a pleasant message
before I appear again?
Yes, it would be desirable.
It could take a long time.
Would you like,
some bird droppings in your water,
or will you be silent?
Ahh, so,
you are learning some manners at last.
We will go in this
direction, over the mountain.
That will not stop
Garth from following us.
Garth will split the forces.
Half will come after me.
The others will follow you.
I'll meet you later.
Yes, an ambush.
How can you be sure
Garth will split his force?
He will.
Come on, hyah.
This is the track of the Cimmerian.
The horse went in this
direction, Adraina is with them.
Conan went up that mountain.
Zaigon, take six men.
Capture the Cimmerian.
His death belongs to me.
Adraina!
Now!
If you're going to kill, kill.
Lucky Cimmerian, if the dagger
was in my hand you'd be dead.
I got him, I got him.
You think you're
gonna collect your swords?
He will betray you.
You'll find yourself rotting in a dungeon.
Garth is right.
Ursath is not to be trusted.
Conan, their words ring of truth.
I will do what I promised to do.
Welcome, Conan!
You have done more than I asked.
You have brought back my beautiful bride,
and you have brought me
the brigand Garth, alive.
My part of the bargain is complete.
That it is.
I'm very please Cimmerian.
Your swords are being prepared.
Keep your swords.
You lied to me.
It was you who abducted Adraina.
You separated what was
not meant to be separated!
How dare you speak to
me with such insolence!
No one can lie to me or can buy me.
You want his head?
Take him.
You think he's not human?
He's human enough for my sword.
By Crom, this time
you got the right one.
Sorry you didn't get your swords.
Swords that turn into
flowers serve no one.
Not even a beastman.
I am sorry I said that.
You are not my beastman.
Because of you I was able to slay him.
Ride with us.
Share our journey.
We each ride our own journeys.
You enjoy your life, and your woman.
Under all that muscle,
there's a big romantic heart.
One day it will beat faster
for a woman you want.
There's no hope for both of us.
This is a heart you tried
to put your dagger into.
Thank you for making me fail.
My pleasure.
Maybe, I will ride with you.
Not on your life.