Community (2009–2015): Season 3, Episode 7 - Studies in Modern Movement - full transcript

I'm so glad you're moving out
of this neighborhood, Annie.

Some dude peed on my car
while I was parking it.

You met Spaghetti!

Yeah, I won't miss him.

Speaking of missing people,
how did Jeff dodge this bullet...

of friendship.

He said he was under the weather.

Thanks for helping.

Can you imagine how fun it's gonna be?
Me living with Troy and Abed?

Yeah, there'll be a honeymoon phase,

but it won't be long
till you hate their guts.



What's this little guy's name?

I'll never hate Troy and Abed.

My God, I forgot.
You're 20.

Don't worry. It's natural.

When you become roommates
with friends,

the things you love about them
become the things

that make you want
to smother them with a pillow.

But...
That's unacceptable to me.

Then...

I'm lying?

- Forgetting something?
- Yeah.

- Yes, like I'm gonna get sick of this.
- Wha-what wha-what?

We're here to help you move...
On the dance floor.

- Nice! Tweet it!
- Tweeting it.



- What?
- Everything.

Live tweeting Annie's move on Twitter.
Hashtag "Annie's move."

How fun.

How was I supposed to know
it was a handicap space?

Because the man in the wheelchair
was yelling it.

Oh, yeah,
and he doesn't have an agenda.

Hold it.

- Where's Winger?
- Sick.

Yeah, I'm calling him.

So you're sick, huh?

That's what they tell me.

Cut the wit, Winger.

Where are you,
the Gap or Banana Republic?

Britta, you got me all figured out.

I can tell you're not in bed.

That's right.

I'm pretending to be violently ill
to avoid lifting a few boxes.

Because I'm 13.

And who's your primary care physician,
Mr. Winger?

Dr. Schroder. S, c, h.

- Do you want to see my insurance card?
- Please.

- Wait, are you at a hospital?
- No, I'm at the Gap.

You hear that?
That's not a heart monitor.

It's a machine telling me
I'm low on khakis.

Dr. Tarpenian to radiology,
Dr. Tarpenian.

Crap, I'm sorry.
I just assumed...

Whatever.
I don't blame you.

I've lied before.

It's probably karma that I'm sick.

But believe me,
if you had what I have,

you'd rather be moving boxes.

Okay, feel better.

Sorry.

Yeah, I'll see you guys on Monday.

You are fantastic.

So are you.

What are you doing after?

Probably trying
a couple of boot-cuts.

But after that...

Maybe,

like, a blazer?

- Feygnasse Team -

.:: La Fabrique::.

3x07: Studies in Modern Movement

- How are we out of packing tape?
- I don't know.

I think I left some in the bathroom.

Nope, nothing in here.

You guys!
You used all of it?

I had a big breakfast.

Nice. Tweeting it!

There might be a slight danger
I will end up hating them.

Man children... Can't live with them,
can't leave them alone with your tape.

Britta, don't make jokes.
You're bad at it.

Also, I can't afford
to live anywhere else.

And everything is riding on this,
and I'm out of tape...

Annie, listen.

Breathe.

When I was in Amsterdam, I met this guy
who ate too many shrooms

and fell out of a window
at the Anne Frank house.

No, no, he's fine.

The doctor said that the drugs
made his body just limp enough

to keep him from breaking his neck.

I don't see what your taste in men
has to do with my situation.

What I'm saying,

is that if you're gonna live
with two guys like that,

you've gotta learn to go limp.

Loosey-goosey.

Shake it all up.

Limp... Loosey-goosey.

New Annie.

Going with the flow.

Loosey-goosey, is it loosey-goosey
or goosey-loosey?

Is that hyphenated?
You know what?

Don't tell me.

I don't need to know.

Bro...

Heim.

Okay, go.

Didn't feel it.

What...

A fun use

you found for my bubble wrap.

I know!
We have to sell this to the military.

Yeah, baby.

Here's the other tape gun.
Think fast!

You broke my plug thing.

No worries.

That's what
the security deposit is for.

Hashtag that is all.

You're not letting some slumlord
take your hard-earned money.

I'll fix it. I used that all the time
when I was a slumlord.

Really? My landlord's coming by
to do the inspection at 5:00.

Do you have the time?

Easy peasy, George and weezie.

This is probably the last
that'll fit in our car.

I'll help you.
But not in an uptight way.

I'm very concerned
about this living situation.

I've seen enough episodes of Friends
to know cohabitation leads to sex, drugs

and some hit parade magazine
called Schwimmer-fatigue.

Good for you. What's the saying?
If you can't stop 'em, judge 'em?

Somebody's gotta be
this group's moral compass.

That somebody has to be you?

'Cause by moral compass,
you mean Shirley's religion.

Well...

Want a ride?

If we'll have that type of conversation,
I will ride with somebody else.

Don't worry, Shirley.
Keep me company while I fix this

and I'll give you a ride over there.

Well, hey there, stranger!

What a coincidence, huh?

This is just like
that lake house movie.

I can only assume.
Even I have limits.

Dean Pelton.

It's Saturday.
Call me Craig.

Off campus, I'm just a Craigular Joe.

What'd you get?

Now I feel
like I have to head back out there.

Dean, Craig,

nice to see you but I have to run.

Yeah, you're probably heading
to help Annie move.

Right?

I follow Troy and Abed on Twitter.

Looks like Annie's moving
and you're...

sick at the hospital?

Curious.

I might head there myself.
I could tell them you said hi.

I'd rather you didn't.

Maybe I won't have time.

Especially if we're doing...

Lunch?

Yeah, but your religion
isn't the same as morality.

And calling me amoral
because I'm Atheistic

is religious persecution.

How can I persecute you?
You don't have a religion.

Oh, look!
A hitchhiker.

A person in need.

Oh, my God.
What am I doing?

I'm pulling over to help him out.

Do not help him out.

Why, because it proves the existence
of secular morality?

No, because he looks stinky.

Judge not, Shirley.
Judge not.

I really appreciate it, thank you.

Where are you headed, fellow human?

- Riverside Falls?
- That's 40 minutes away.

I guess
I'm just a really good person.

I knew you were.

I could see the kindness
in your faces.

I assume you've both
accepted Jesus Christ

as your lord and savior?

Oh, that's nice.

Needed a coat of paint anyway.

Welcome, Annie, to your new home.

Okay... To reacquaint you,
there's the bathroom,

kitchen, and, of course, our bedroom.

If the room's a rockin' please knock
'cause there's something probably wrong.

- Yeah, we're pretty chill in there.
- Now let's go see your room.

What's that?

That is your room.

You said this was a two bedroom.

It is, one, two.
Yours is a blanket fort.

An awesome blanket fort.

But still highly flammable
so no candles.

What do you think?

- Tweet it?
- Tweeting it!

I am not surprised you're taken aback.
Here dreams come true.

Our whole life we were told

that blanket forts
are for special occasions.

Like sleepovers or when uncles die.
But that's a lie, Annie.

You can live in a fort of blankets
all day, every night.

It's so awesome.

- Surprised you don't live in one.
- We'll spend enough time in yours.

It's where we're gonna watch TV.

Right.

And that door?
That's not a bedroom?

- Is it a linen closet?
- Something like that.

What's a linen closet?

- A siesta salad and an iced tea.
- Excelente. And for you?

The gentleman
will have a top notch-os

and a watermelon margarita.

Thank you Jeffrey.

So...

- Any brother and sister?
- The check too.

What's the rush?

We're eating, then I'm leaving.

I just hope that I don't bump
into your study group on Monday.

And I pray they don't ask me
who I saw at the mall on Saturday.

Because, unlike a certain someone,

I just don't think I could lie
to those sweet people.

Dean, this is blackmail.

Call me Craig.

And call blackmail
"a day at the mall with Craig."

Because that's all I require,
Jeffrey.

You and I are going to have some fun.

And create a few memories.

And I suggest you get into it.

Because that counts.

A song for the se?or, se?or?

Adi?s amores.

Oh, what a surprise.

This is actually
quite calming for some reason.

And that's when I realized
I had to forgive them.

That's a beautiful story. So inspiring
how he came to find the lord.

Isn't it?

I didn't exactly have to find the lord.
He was inside me.

Amen!
What's your name, friend?

Jesus.

Are you Latino?

- No, my child, I am him.
- You're what now?

I am the one true son of God.

I was sent here to save humanity.

Well, it is a pleasure
to have you in my car, Jesus.

Stop.
It's not funny now.

Just curious,
what's your position on marijuana?

It was given to us by God.
It should be legal.

That's nice.

Hear me, hear me!

Presenting the real-life fairy tale

of how princess Annie

was saved
from bad neighborhood forest

by Woodsman Troy.

And Bebad,
his emotionally unavailable unicorn.

Brought to you by the girl-yogurt
Jamie Lee Curtis uses to poop.

There's a package of it in the fridge
as a welcoming gift.

Once upon a time, there was
a beautiful princess named Annie.

Who was harassed every day
by Count Spaghetti.

The evil cracksmith
who lived outside of her building.

I just stand here?

Come on, Jeffrey.
Get in here!

This is gonna be fun!

Or else.

- So we just punch in the numbers?
- That's right.

Okay, you know this one, Jeff.

We've sang it a thousand times,
together, in my mind.

Come on, Jeffrey.

Make or break time.

Unless you want to be back here
next Saturday.

Jesus loves marijuana

Jesus loves marijuana

Jesus loves marijuana

And drinking human blood

That was great.

Yeah, might have been a little fun.

See?

And you emailed your therapist
you wanted to be alone this weekend.

What?

Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Now, with your permission,

I'd like to sing a little song
about race-mixing.

This one's called Don't you do it.

Get out!

Good evening, senator.

Any requests?

What do you want to do next?
I paid for a full hour...

I email my therapist
from my Greendale account.

The same account
where I received an email

from physique25 telling me
about today's sale.

Is that why you're here?

You read student emails?

The Patriot Act says I can do it...
Technically.

Need I remind you
the nation is at war?

I'll kill you.

No, Jeffrey come on!
Remember, we were making memories!

You're scaring me!
Don't let the terrorists win!

And then the three of them lived
happily ever after!

And Bebad became the little dipper.

The end.

Kiss me, Woodsman Troy!

You guys!

Living here is gonna be fun
all the time.

Let's make the entire apartment
a fort.

I'll get more blankets.

This is a space we reserved
for virtual adventures.

Like a playroom
but only works in our minds.

We call it the dreamatorium.

But...

it's a bedroom.

No, no.
There's only two bedrooms,

including the blanket fort.

This is the...

dreamatorium.

All day, I've been
jumping through hoops to fit in.

Including the literal hoops
you put in front of the toilet.

And you guys are hoarding

this second bedroom
as some kind of playroom?

And making me sleep
on a pile of laundry?

We worked hard on that.
And it's a blanket fort.

It's an asylum
for half-witted children!

As the only adult in this apartment,
I am making an ultimatum.

Me or this...
stupid dreamatorium.

- It's non-negotiable, read the lease.
- Specially the part we added in crayon.

- Don't take this to court.
- Here can be a courtroom in a blink.

This doesn't work for me.

From the minute I joined the group,
I've been worried about how uptight I am

and how I'm no fun.

Then I was worried
that I wouldn't fit in here

or be able to hang with you guys,
but you know what?

Why don't you ever Ask yourselves
whether you can hang with me?

Why always me?

I'm sick of this crap!

Enjoy your stupid dreamatorium.

We will!

Because this is our apartment too!

And just because we're awesome

doesn't mean we're not adults!

- Candy cigarette?
- I don't want a candy cigarette.

- I want our Annie.
- Yeah, we blew it.

I picked the wrong week to quit.

What the hell is this?

In security deposit terms,
it's a gold mine.

And you're lucky.

Your friend nearly killed himself.

Yeah, that's me.

Lucky Annie.

I'm really sorry, Annie,
I had some island girls over

and one of them must have
slipped me a mickey.

I'm just glad you're okay.

You can pay me back by helping me

get all my stuff
from Troy and Abed's.

You're moving again?

How long was I out?

Is Napster still a thing?

You've been out long enough
for me to realize

that I'm gonna need
to keep living alone.

Come on.

Let's get you cleaned up.

What the hell?

I have brain damage.
Nothing I do counts.

Where is all my stuff?

It's all yours.

We're sorry.

Sometimes we get stuck
in our own little world.

And in that world,
we make even littler worlds.

And sometimes there are tunnels
between those worlds.

Or a subway.
One time a snake.

We're sorry.
Do you like it?

Of course, I do.
It's perfect.

I can rearrange the throw pillows.

It's by size not by color.

- What did I say?
- What about the dreamatorium?

It's staying.
It is more important than any of us.

You're more important
so we put the bunk bed in the fort.**

This is all gay code.

You sure I'm worth it?

There's some things that we're hoping
that you'd help us with.

- Like with the iron.
- What's the iron for?

- And what gets out kool-aid stains?
- We know that the opposite

doesn't work.

Also, Troy scraped me last week
and I don't think it's healing right.

Abed, that's infected.

Infected.
That's the word.

- Hi, guys.
- I thought you were sick.

I was... n't.

- I made it up to get out of helping.
- That's okay.

- It is?
- Yeah, it is.

Did you know that when it snows
my eyes become large?

He tweeted it?

He tweeted it!

- Oh, look out, asteroids!
- That was close.

Thanks for getting us
to planet Greendalia safely,

Horsebot 3000.

Greendalia has been overrun
by evil King Blorgon!

Look out, Troyborg!

I'm dead.

Horsebot 3000,

no, I love you!

I'm King Blogorn
and my plan is to blow up the world.

Your lasers are useless against me.

Aim for his butt.
It's his only weakness.

We did it!

Peace and tranquility
have been restored to Greendalia.

All thanks to Horsebot 3000.

He belongs to the stars now.

Five more minutes
and we should put a stop to this.

- Are you...?
- I liked Horsebot 3000.