Community (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 7 - Aerodynamics of Gender - full transcript

You're ready for the bus driver, Winger?

You know why they call me bus driver, right?

Because you been
travelin' all day?

Because I'm taking
your butt to school.

Nice.

Cool, I'm up.

Nuh-uh. Game's to 15.

- Since when?
- Since you scored 11.

Sorry, Abed, I have to
finish kicking Troy's butt

before I can get to yours.

See? All that angry
talk about butts.



"Kick your butt. Stomp your butt.

Punch your butt."

Do they say, "punch your butt"?

Point being hatred of
each other's butts.

Men play sports so they
can seek out and destroy

their own sensitivity.

Oh! I never thought
about it that way.

Do you think we'll learn
about stuff like that

in our women's studies class?

Hell, no!

We're gonna find our
roots in that class.

And stop defining our
gender by theirs.

Well, I feel bad saying it,

but it will be nice to
get away from the boys



and take a class with just us.

Amen. Or "a-wo-men."

Am I right?

Bring it in for a
boob bump, ladies.

Uh...
Nope?

We'll get there.

Hey, guys.

Remember last week when you were

playing with those
remote control cars

and you thought you
were real cool?

Well, turns out you're not.

Draganflyer, bee-otch.

Yep, uh, four propellers.

It's got a built-in spy cam.

100 yards.

And it'll strangle your
stupid cars' little butts.

- Pierce, we're in a game.
- Yeah.

And we're really not
into R.C. anymore.

What? It's... it's a draganflyer.

Come on, Pierce, man.
This is a school.

- I can't control it.
- Watch it.

There's a little pilot in there.

- It's not funny, Pierce!
- Propellers are sharp!

Stop it!

Knuckle walkers!

Ahh.

Sorry, it was an accident.

So was the "y" chromosome,

but you don't see us
throwing stuff at it.

Where you guys going?

Away from your
symbolically invasive balls

to a women's studies class.

Which women's studies class?

Feminist
representations in media.

- I'm in.
- Oh, uh, Abed,

we kind of thought this would
be something just for the girls.

Sounds like it.

I'd love to learn more about you.

I'll change out of my sports
clothes and meet you there.

- Uh...
- We...Um...

♪ You just lost. ♪

♪You just lost a game. You just
lost you just lost a game, ♪

♪ with Troy ♪♪
- Uhh!

Hey, sore loser.

Yeah... proud of it.

I want a rematch.

Community 2x07 - Aerodynamics of Gender

Hey, guys.

I raced here so I could
save us four seats.

Thanks, Abed.

But...Annie can't see the
board from this far back.

She lost her glasses.

I've never seen
you wear glasses.

Yeah, I usually wear contacts,

but I couldn't find them...
Without my glasses.

Which I wear.

Cool-cool-cool.

Are we bad people?

No. I love Abed.

But sometimes he
can't take a hint.

We told him...
this is a girl thing.

Ahem.

'Scuse me.

We were gonna sit there.

Oh, uh, sorry. We didn't know.

But now we're sitting here, so...
That's the problem.

You don't seriously
expect us to get up

and change seats for you?

Well, if you're further in back,
less people will see your roots.

Um...Excuse me?

Oh, the way you excuse
your little moustache hairs?

Uh, you know what?

We're good people.

So we will find seats elsewhere.

It's called the high road.

I hope it leads to a salon.

You're back.

I've seen 'em before.
The leader's name is Meghan.

Of course! Why name
your daughter Meghan?

Are you stocking up
for a bitch shortage?

Which one's Meghan?

The one with the hole
in her sweater's armpit,

or the one whose tight
sleeves are pushing her fat

toward her elbows?

No, those are her cronies.

So Meghan's the one
with the crooked ears

- and no ankles?
- Ha! Damn.

Sorry, I over-described again?

Oh, no, Abed.

Describe those girls all you want.

Yeah. In fact,
what are you doing for lunch?

It's Wednesday.
Sometimes I eat in Jeff's car.

Don't tell him.

Troy, where are you?

You would go this far
to avoid a rematch?

Jeff!

What is this thing?

In my line of work, a
multimillion dollar injury suit.

I thought schools got
rid of these things.

I can't believe
Greendale allows it.

Greendale doesn't.

That's why it's hidden.

Who else saw you come in?

If we say nobody,

are you doing to stab us
with your bush scissors?

Of course not.

I'm Joshua.

And this is a place
of peace and balance.

A place of nourishment.

A place free from darkness.

Because there's a trampoline?

There is something cool
about being up here, Jeff.

I mean, at first I was
just jumping, but then...

But then you started bouncing...

Like a baby on the
knee of a goddess.

Yes!

Yes.

Jeff, get on.

Ah, one at a time, please.

I must as you to adhere
to two simple principles.

First, for this place to
survive, it must stay secret.

And second...

No double bounces.

Feet shoulder width apart.

Knees bent.

And just breathe.

At the apex of each
bounce there is a moment,

outside of time, outside of words...
Outside of everything.

A perfect moment. A silent moment.

I call it the world's whisper.

Wow...You're right.

And I don't mind admitting
you're right, which is weird.

30 seconds on this thing, and
I already feel... Jeff...

You've been up there for an hour.

Yes.

Okay, Abed,
girl in the pink... go.

Her forehead hangs over
her head like a canopy.

She missed a belt loop, and her
stomach spills over her shorts.

- Target destroyed.
- What brutality.

It's called a muffin top, Abed.

Like a muffin? Clever.

But you guys said it's rude
to focus on imperfections.

This the stuff I'm
supposed to filter, right?

Absolutely, Abed.

It's just kind of
a guilty pleasure

to hear it about... certain girls.

Like Meghan and her friends,
because they're bitches.

That's nice.
Uh, who needs a soda?

I'll get it...
I'm making you guys so happy,

I want to keep it going.

Aww...

Okay, I love Abed so much.

I know, it's like
he's one of the girls.

Uh, guys.

Yeah, do you mind
not looking at me?

I don't know, do you
mind that your face makeup

doesn't match your neck?

When I squint,
you look like a circus clown.

Okay, I beg your pardon, geek...

I don't even know your
peanut-headed ass.

You're right, we've never met.

Like your hair and
dandruff shampoo.

Hoo hoo! Filet of Meghan,
service for one.

Okay, Abed,
let's get back to the table.

Yeah, Abed. Go with your skank.

Or keep going. Up to you.

Keep going about what,
her uneven bra padding?

You look like you're smuggling
a lime and a coconut.

- Ooh!
- Go away, loser.

Good one... tell that to the
stitching on your ratty panties,

or wear higher jeans
on laundry day.

Damn, that diss made me snarf, yo!

You know what? You're dead.

You're bowlegged.

Bye. See ya.

Women of Greendale!

This cafeteria has been
declared a bitch-free zone!

Yeah!

Can't tell you how
great I feel right now.

I wasn't sure that you would
take to the trampoline's ways.

Some can't.

And some are just natural jumpers.

See you tomorrow, Joshua.

We better bounce.

Whoa.

That's Sharice.

I had sociology
with her last year.

She told me I walk like a dude.

That's awful! Abed,
you got anything?

I might have something to say
about those jeans she's wearing.

But you guys are
sure it's not bad?

Bad isn't that bad when
you're doing it to bad girls.

Yeah, and you're
really good at it.

You're like a machine.

- Like Robocop.
- Exactly like rowboat cop.

Sharice is a bad rowboat.
Sink her.

Affirmative.

They're bad....

bad.

Hey...You dudes ready to shoot
the rock after study group?

I'm gonna slit your
butt's throats.

Nice catch, losers.

Go get it.

Sorry, Pierce.

We're not really into
basketball anymore.

What?

What's up with you guys?

Why are you acting like that?

Like what?

Ah! Gay boots!

Lady boots!

He's a gaywad.

Are those as
comfortable as they look?

They're like wearing
a pair of dreams.

I'm sure your shoes
are fine, though.

You know what?

They are.

Something's up with you two,
and I want to know what it is.

Are you on weed?

Give me some... I'll smoke
you two under the table.

Oh, man, I feel so good.

It's like the whole
campus is a gutter

and we're just spraying it clean.

Abed, I may need you to
come to the bank with me

to have words with a certain
something at window four.

We'll take 'em down.

We'll take all these bitches down.

Ladies, are you okay?

Take it easy.

Um, did you just
tell us what to do?

Here's the thing.

It's a little rule.

Maybe you're not familiar with it.

Nobody tells me what to do... ever.

Whoa, whoa, cowboy. I surrender.

Abed, did you hear that?

- Jeff a bitch too?
- Yes.

- Take him down.
- Cool.

Hey, Jeff, what's with the boots?

2008 called to tell you that,
even in 2008,

those were tacky.
Oh, you go, girl!

Daaamn.

Hey, you guys,
why don't we just all

take a deep breath and...
Find some center.

Okay, that is it!

What are you hiding from me?

They're keeping
relaxation secrets.

Tell me how to get this laid back,
or I'll kill your families!

Okay, this place is lame.

Girls, Abed.

Toodles.

I'm watching you two.

24, 2010.

These balls on your butts.

Quick bounce before lunch?

Absolutely.

Let me just make sure that
Pierce isn't hovering around.

Coast is clear.

What did you see, my pretty?

Wait.

Back, back... freeze it.

Can you blow that up
a little? Enhance.

Enhance.

Enhance.

Stop! That's it.

Blow it up.

There it is.

Um, excuse me, girls.

You're sitting in our seats.

I'm sorry. What did you say?

Oh! I didn't know you were deaf.

I suspected you were
blind from the outfit.

Toodles.

See ya.

Wait a minute.

Why were you mean to them?
Did they insult you?

No, but that top
insulted our retinas.

Go, girl.

Bad isn't that bad when
you're doing it to bad girls.

Annie, when you laugh like that,
you snort like a piglet.

- Careful, Abed.
- Be careful with your skin.

Your face is so puffy right now,

your eyes look like
sewn-on buttons.

You need to check that
attitude at the door, Abed.

You need to check the door before
you go through it, Shirley.

What? What?

Abed, you cannot
talk to us that way.

Someone has to.
You guys are being bitches.

We're not bitches!

We were just joking.

If that makes us bitches,
we're all bitches.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's a good point, Annie.

You told him.

Affirmative. You're all bitches.

Nice shirt. It would
look better on a girl.

Pick a bronzer.

You're not fooling us with that
band-aid... we knew it's a zit.

You're all bitches.
Triple bitches.

- Ohh!
- Bitch, bitch, bitch.

Hey, bitch. Bitch. You bitch.

I'm a bitch. You're a bitch.

Pierce!

Ha ha!

How did you find us?

Draganflyer, bee-otch.

So this is the big secret, huh?

You two sneak out here and hang
out on the big, gay trampoline.

Lower your voice, Pierce.

This is our place of peace.

Yes. And now it's mine too.

Mine.

Oh, this is great!

I wanna go higher!

Pierce...Please...
You're doing it all wrong.

I wanna go higher!

Troy, get up here and
double bounce me.

That's not how
we do things here.

You get up here and
double bounce me,

or I'll tell everybody
about this place!

Come on!

God is my witness,
I will tweet it!

Double bounce me!

Why are you doing this?

Double bounce me! Do it!

Pierce, that's enough.

I hate you.

I hate you!

Double bounce me!

Aah!

Father...

My legs! Ohh!

Oh, my legs, I... illegal trampoline!

They have an illegal
trampoline back there!

Whoa, black jeans? Nice try,
Michael Penn.

Those bangs aren't covering
anything, five-head.

Pegged jeans.
Sweater balls. Crows feet.

What's it called
when your back hair

grows into your neck hair
grows into your regular hair?

Look it up, because you have it.

Hmm.

Nice. Who taught you how
to be a juice box? Hmm.

Don't worry. I come in peace.

And whatever medicated
shampoo you're using

seems to be doing the trick.

Oh. What do you want?

To restore the natural order.

What are these?

Destruct codes.

Well, that seems
a little excessive.

Joshua.

We were looking for you all over.

Where you going?

I got fired. I'm leaving.

Joshua, we are so sorry.

Don't apologize.

It's my fault.

Guess that's what I get for
trusting some black guy.

What?

When you found the trampoline,

I thought the only way to protect
it was to let you use it.

Guess it goes to prove
what I already knew:

Non-whites ruin everything.

Oh, my God.

Joshua was racist.

That came out of nowhere.

Did it?

A place free from darkness.

And some are just natural jumpers.

It's going to be a maze.

Maybe I just didn't
want to believe it.

Maybe that's the lesson here.

Purity that demands exclusion...

Isn't real purity.

Maybe paradise is a lie.

Not exactly.

Paradise exists.

Right here.

For once... he's actually right.

Let me buy you some ice cream.

My white guilt is
doing somersaults.

Worth it.

Ahh, paradise.

Hey! Horse-neck.

So...What's with the clothes?

I mean, you look like a toddler
who got dressed in the dark.

Aww, snap!

Here it comes, y'all!

Look at your face.

It's like your mom was a lizard
who got raped by a muppet.

And that burn was brought
to you by the letter "s,"

as in snap!

What?

Too hurt to respond?

Uhh! That's right.

You don't have feelings.

See, the rest of us feel
ashamed of ourselves,

so we act like bitches to
make ourselves feel better.

But you did it to fit in.

And no matter how hard you try,

you never will.

Snap. Snap!

Snap! Snap! Snap! Snap!

Give it up! Ooh! Ooh! Snap! Snap!

Yeah! Snap! Snap!

Snap, snap, snap! Woof! Woof!

Abed, are you okay?

That was so cruel.

I deserved it.

I should have never been mean to
anybody, least of all you guys.

I was trying so hard to fit
in that I took it too far.

We took it too far.

We became the kind of
women that we hate,

and we turned you into a monster.

The kind of monster that
makes outlandish statements

about someone's weight.

Those kind of things hurt.

Even when they're not true.

And all because
we were insecure.

Everyone is.

Even Tom Cruise knows
he's short and nuts.

We're at the mercy of
each other and ourselves.

That's why there has to be
forgiveness on both sides.

- Aww...
- Abed...

Oh, my goodness.
What happened to Pierce?

Long story.

Men.

Yeah.

Damn it, Pierce,
will you knock it off?

I told you,
I'm not controlling it.

There's a little man inside.

- Hi.
- Pierce!

Listen, I wanted to
let you know, Pierce,

it's okay to exceed the
recommended daily dosage.

And don't let anybody
tell you different!

Who's going to be in charge of
making sure he doesn't O.D.?

What? What... When did
we start doing that?

Three, two, one... Troy and Abed in the mornin'.

And we're back with Greendale's
resident animal expert, Star-Burns.

My name's Alex.

Star-burns joins us with
his pet turtle, Shelly.

Now, I understand Shelly can
eat over five mice a day.

- That's impressive.
- Turtles don't eat mice.

- What do they eat?
- I don't know.

Pellets? I have no idea.

- That's disappointing.
- That's not good.

Look, what is going on here?

I was studying for
my econ midterm.

You guys walk in,
you hand me this turtle,

and then you tell me to
smile for the folks at home.

What folks at home?

- Ohh.
- Star-burn...

These things give you
salmonella, you know.

Let's go to Gary with
a check on the weather.

I'ts still sunny