Community (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 24 - For a Few Paintballs More - full transcript
When the study group learns that there's a sinister plot behind the paintball tournament, they unite the remaining players to defeat the enemy.
Dean! Dean!
Don't shoot,
red-haired guy.
Why not?
Something's not right
about the game.
We just took out a guy
who turned out to be
a professional
paintball assassin.
A professional?
Aah!
That doesn't make sense.
Why would someone
who gets paid to do things
be at Greendale?
No, no! I'm not playing!
I'm not playing!
No, I'm the dean!
Stop shooting me!
Hi, Pistol Patty.
Did they take you hostage?
Dean Spreck?
Hello, Craig.
City College.
Now I understand everything.
Now your whole evil plan
is clear as day.
But if you need to explain it
to your men, I understand.
It's simple, Craig.
I posed as a fake
ice cream company,
sponsored your
end-of-the-year picnic,
and waved enough money
under your students' noses
to provoke them
to destroy their own campus.
Who hurt you, Steven?
How could any dean be so mean?
Oh, you haven't seen
how mean this dean
can be...en.
There's one!
After him!
Wait, did you say "bean"?
Guys. Guys.
City College is trying
to destroy Greendale,
and they're an unstoppable juggle knob.
- Juggernaut.
- Juggernaut.
Which means if
we're gonna fight them,
we have to form a school-wide
alliance of rebels.
In other words, it seems
we've left the Western motif
and are entering a more
of a Star Wars scenario.
to form a faceless regime,
how are we any better than them?
You're the worst.
Okay, she is just
saying that to fit in.
The floor recognizes Magnitude.
First off, pop, pop!
And second,
Magnitude's a one-man party.
A one-man party
can't be in an alliance.
That's a paradox.
- I agree to disagree.
- Easy, paradox.
We're all on the same side.
But hasn't the other side
already won?
Their goal was to make us
trash the school.
We trashed it.
Yeah, but we still
might have a chance
to hit 'em where it hurts.
- Their balls?
- No.
- Just below their balls?
- Their wallet, Leonard.
- I think it's called a taint.
- Oh.
Why do you think
they sent in a ringer to win?
It must be because we're entitled
to the prize they promised.
100 Gs.
Ooh, I could use that money.
This is why
we have to agree right now
that whoever wins,
we give the money to Greendale.
To repair the damage
and save our school.
Abed, tell him.
Whatever, pal. I ain't in it
for your revolution.
I'm in it for me.
Wait, Abed, this was your idea.
I know, but I'm calling dibs
on the Han Solo role
before Jeff
slouches into it by default.
Star-Burns,
I need that vest.
Oh, yeah, right.
Give me the vest, Laser Breath.
Before our conversation gets nasty.
Question.
How long is the game gonna last?
'Cause Andre's
home with the baby...
Damn it, Shirley.
Forget your newborn child
and think about
the people that need you.
I can't afford to lose
a single soldier.
- What?
- Oh, now you're the leader?
I don't see you stepping up.
I don't step up
to being leader, Troy.
I reluctantly accept it
when it's thrust upon me.
Oh, Jeff.
Oh, my God.
What is that?
Magnitude!
Pop...
P...
Pop what?
Pop what?
What is he trying to say?
Pop what, Magnitude?
Can you hear me?
Who is this?
Oh, that's Jeff Winger.
You are in trouble now.
Jeffrey, it's your friend the dean.
I'm safe!
I can hear you,
Mr. Winger.
This is City College's
dean Spreck.
Hey, Spreck, you cheat.
You can't spray people
with paint by remote.
And you can't have
City College students
in a Greendale game.
All my men have been registered
at Greendale for weeks.
As for rules,
they're clearly defined
in your school's agreement
with my fake ice cream company.
If you get paint on you,
you're out.
Well, I'm glad to see
there's paperwork involved,
because we are going to win,
and you are gonna pay.
Yay! Go,
Jeff Winger study group!
Those guys are ballers, yo.
I hope you like getting balled.
Sir, this guy tried to charge us
three paint balls
to use the bathroom.
We were gonna shoot him,
but tell him what you told us.
Don't shoot me.
Great.
Now shoot him.
Sure, shoot me.
You'd certainly be doing
Jeff Winger a big favor.
Greendale human beings,
it is now clear
that we have no choice
but to team up
and defeat City College.
I also have no choice
but to accept the role
thrust upon me.
And what role would that be?
No time to squabble, Troy.
"For Greendale" on three.
One, two...
Jeff, every second counts.
"For Greendale" on two.
One...
Guys.
- For Greendale!
- For Greendale!
Greendale students...
I understand you've unified,
and intend to draw this game out.
Well, if it's a war you want,
it's a war you will lose.
City College is stronger, faster.
Our sperm counts are higher.
Even in our women.
Resistance is as pointless
as your degrees.
Honestly, ask yourself,
what does "liberal arts"
even mean?
Look, "Welcome to Greendale.
You're already accepted."
Losers.
What the hell?!
- Welcome to Greendale.
- You're already dead.
Jackpot.
Shirley, you keep watch
while we get these.
Here.
Help me with this.
Sure thing, your worship.
Abed!
Stop trying to be Han Solo.
It's making me
embarrassed for you.
Come on.
Admit it. You like it.
I like having conversations
with adults.
Playing Star Wars
is worn out and immature.
You like me because I'm immature.
There's not enough
immaturity in your life.
I hope I don't
get shot waiting out here.
I'd hate to go home to my babies.
So reconnaissance indicates
the key to City College's
strategy is
the gatling gun inside
the ice cream truck,
which we will charge on masse,
overwhelming their defenses,
and taking that gun
for ourselves.
Well, that's not how
I would proceed.
Troy, do you happen
to have a better plan?
I do happen, Jeff.
I happen very much.
We'll use sneak attacks
to draw their patrol
to the library,
where one of us
will pull the fire alarm,
activating the sprinklers,
which I will have rigged
using my super plumbing skills
to shower everything
in the building with paint.
Paint in sprinklers?
- Are we the little rascals?
- I was.
Have you heard your plan?
You want to charge a machine gun.
I've got something to say.
I don't take orders from girls.
Because they don't talk to me.
Watch it, Quasar face.
Annie's a good kid
and a better shot.
So listen up,
or you'll be floating home.
Thank you, Abed.
Sorry.
Han.
Okay, I think we should
split the troops in half
and carry out both plans
simultaneously.
Troy, your plan will lure people
off the ice cream truck,
allowing Jeff's troops
to take the stronghold.
You're welcome.
I'm so glad
that we didn't shoot you.
Now we have
the tactical advantage
of knowing that Jeff Winger
wants to be a ballerina,
and that his Achilles heel
is...wieners.
That's just
the tip of the iceberg.
For one more pudding,
I'll tell you why
he's jealous of me.
And you say that they kicked
you out of their study group
- after two years?
- Yeah.
What took them so long?
Hey, thanks for sticking up
for me back there.
This group gets so tangled
in each other's feelings,
you're kind of a hero
for standing outside of it.
Yeah, well, heroes are great,
but I'll take a blaster
every time.
Anyway,
just wanted to let you know.
I don't think you're immature.
I think you're great.
For a no-good,
laser-faced,
jabba scoundrel.
You're good, kid.
Don't get cocky.
Hey!
They're right on our tail.
Operation "Troy's Awesome Plan"
is living up to its name.
Yeah, good for you.
Looks like they're
taking Troy's bait.
Squad "B" commencing
operation "Actual Operation."
Everyone look alive.
Leonard, good enough.
Greendale, it's been a pleasure
fighting with you.
Some of us won't make it.
But there is a place where we
will all see each other again,
- and that place is Denny's.
- Which Denny's?
We'll figure it out
later, Leonard.
The one near the 15 exit?
I'm banned from there.
Well, then I guess
I'll see you in hell.
Then let's kick some taint.
Okay. On my count.
One.
Two!
Vicki!
Alright.
Go go go!
Lock the door.
All right. Shirley, you have
the most important job, okay?
Yeah, yeah, pull the fire alarm.
Can we move this along?
I'm missing CSI.
Enemy soldiers are incoming.
I need everyone to evacuate
through the air vent.
Garrett!
I may be stuck in this vent.
It is too early to tell.
I think our only choice
is to try and shoot our way out.
Right. Commence operation
"Troy's Awesome Leadership
Is Never in Doubt".
That gun's too powerful.
I'm scared.
Quendra with a Q-U,
they can kill most of us,
but as long as nobody gives up,
somebody will make it through.
Do you understand?
Yes.
Charge!
Well, I'm out. We lost.
See you at Denny's?
Denny's is for winners.
Leonard, we're losing.
Britta, I've been in
a few real wars,
but this one is actually
the most terrifying.
Guys, we're dying out here.
Well, we're dying too!
They've trapped us in a dead end.
Hey, kid.
Someone's got to make it
out of here alive.
I had a dream
it would end this way.
Shirley, nobody's making it
out of the library.
Pull the alarm.
Britta, are you alive?
Britta? Britta?
Oh, hell.
Someone's got to win this.
I'm out.
Me too.
Looks like this is it.
Will you still be Han Solo
after we die?
'Fraid not, doll.
Once I'm gone, I'm gone.
Oh. Okay.
Oh, got to do everything myself.
We're all dead.
All of us.
Paint raining from the sky.
Everyone in the library is dead.
Damn it.
Kill him.
Yes, sir.
It's my h-heart.
Hey, buddy, you okay?
Cool.
Eat paint, you storm-troopin',
City College knob gobblers.
Oh!
You're it, kid.
Shirley.
What are we supposed to do?
How 'bout we save
this school's ass?
Deal.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- That's it.
- Is that it?
- I think that's it.
- That's it?
- We win!
- We win!
Oh, we win!
Jeffrey!
We win! We win! Yes!
All right! We did it!
Who are you?
Your mother's lover.
- What?
- What?
I win!
You owe me 100 Gs.
And you can make the check out...
to Greendale.
Human beings!
Human beings!
Human beings! Human beings!
Human beings!
Human beings!
- Okay.
- There it is.
Final meeting of the semester
now in session.
Final order of business...
Pick a class we can all
take in the fall.
We could just take Anthro 201.
Too risky. Sequels are almost
always disappointing.
Since when are you in favor
of playing it safe, Han?
Cool down, Annie.
I was only Han Solo
because the context demanded it.
But here...
Oh. Star-Burns.
Yeah, he uses some kind
of crystal instead of deodorant.
Guys, I know exactly
what we should do.
We should see what Troy
thinks we should do.
Had some good ideas today.
Thanks, man.
Okay. I've given this
a lot of thought,
and I've decided
we should sleep on it.
Just came back
for my day planner.
Pretend I'm not even here.
You guys are great at that.
Come on, Pierce. We all know
this is no "day planner".
Here it is.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it appears I'm running late
to drink a bottle of wine
in my bathing suit.
Pierce, wait.
You know, I've been coming
to this school for 12 years.
I've never been friends
with anyone here
more than a semester.
Probably for the same reason
I've been married seven times.
I guess I assume eventually
I'll be rejected,
so I, you know,
test people, push them,
until they prove me right.
It's a sickness.
I admit it.
But this place
has always accepted me,
sickness and all.
This place accepted all of you.
Sickness and all.
It's worth thinking about.
Um, I think we have
thought about it, Pierce,
and you're right.
And we were just picking a class
we could all be in this fall.
And we'd love for you to join us.
No, thanks.
I'm done with you guys.
I like this school,
but I'm done
with whatever you call this.
Adios.
- He was my ride.
- I'm going after him.
No, he's just acting out.
I've seen this behavior before.
In cats.
- My... my cats.
- It's true.
And now he'll come
slinking back in five,
four, three, two...
And then
one of the storm troopers
shot the others,
and it was Pierce.
And we won.
We saved Greendale.
- Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun.
- Yep.
Honestly, I don't know how
we're gonna top it next year.
Oh, I got a pitch.
Why use guns?
Take a hose and spray
the whole school with paint.
- Every inch of it.
- Actually, we kind of did that.
Haven't you been to the library?
- I'm working my way there.
- Mm.
Oh, you can just
put that anywhere.
Doing anything fun
for the summer?
- No plans.
- Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
Slippery.
Don't shoot,
red-haired guy.
Why not?
Something's not right
about the game.
We just took out a guy
who turned out to be
a professional
paintball assassin.
A professional?
Aah!
That doesn't make sense.
Why would someone
who gets paid to do things
be at Greendale?
No, no! I'm not playing!
I'm not playing!
No, I'm the dean!
Stop shooting me!
Hi, Pistol Patty.
Did they take you hostage?
Dean Spreck?
Hello, Craig.
City College.
Now I understand everything.
Now your whole evil plan
is clear as day.
But if you need to explain it
to your men, I understand.
It's simple, Craig.
I posed as a fake
ice cream company,
sponsored your
end-of-the-year picnic,
and waved enough money
under your students' noses
to provoke them
to destroy their own campus.
Who hurt you, Steven?
How could any dean be so mean?
Oh, you haven't seen
how mean this dean
can be...en.
There's one!
After him!
Wait, did you say "bean"?
Guys. Guys.
City College is trying
to destroy Greendale,
and they're an unstoppable juggle knob.
- Juggernaut.
- Juggernaut.
Which means if
we're gonna fight them,
we have to form a school-wide
alliance of rebels.
In other words, it seems
we've left the Western motif
and are entering a more
of a Star Wars scenario.
to form a faceless regime,
how are we any better than them?
You're the worst.
Okay, she is just
saying that to fit in.
The floor recognizes Magnitude.
First off, pop, pop!
And second,
Magnitude's a one-man party.
A one-man party
can't be in an alliance.
That's a paradox.
- I agree to disagree.
- Easy, paradox.
We're all on the same side.
But hasn't the other side
already won?
Their goal was to make us
trash the school.
We trashed it.
Yeah, but we still
might have a chance
to hit 'em where it hurts.
- Their balls?
- No.
- Just below their balls?
- Their wallet, Leonard.
- I think it's called a taint.
- Oh.
Why do you think
they sent in a ringer to win?
It must be because we're entitled
to the prize they promised.
100 Gs.
Ooh, I could use that money.
This is why
we have to agree right now
that whoever wins,
we give the money to Greendale.
To repair the damage
and save our school.
Abed, tell him.
Whatever, pal. I ain't in it
for your revolution.
I'm in it for me.
Wait, Abed, this was your idea.
I know, but I'm calling dibs
on the Han Solo role
before Jeff
slouches into it by default.
Star-Burns,
I need that vest.
Oh, yeah, right.
Give me the vest, Laser Breath.
Before our conversation gets nasty.
Question.
How long is the game gonna last?
'Cause Andre's
home with the baby...
Damn it, Shirley.
Forget your newborn child
and think about
the people that need you.
I can't afford to lose
a single soldier.
- What?
- Oh, now you're the leader?
I don't see you stepping up.
I don't step up
to being leader, Troy.
I reluctantly accept it
when it's thrust upon me.
Oh, Jeff.
Oh, my God.
What is that?
Magnitude!
Pop...
P...
Pop what?
Pop what?
What is he trying to say?
Pop what, Magnitude?
Can you hear me?
Who is this?
Oh, that's Jeff Winger.
You are in trouble now.
Jeffrey, it's your friend the dean.
I'm safe!
I can hear you,
Mr. Winger.
This is City College's
dean Spreck.
Hey, Spreck, you cheat.
You can't spray people
with paint by remote.
And you can't have
City College students
in a Greendale game.
All my men have been registered
at Greendale for weeks.
As for rules,
they're clearly defined
in your school's agreement
with my fake ice cream company.
If you get paint on you,
you're out.
Well, I'm glad to see
there's paperwork involved,
because we are going to win,
and you are gonna pay.
Yay! Go,
Jeff Winger study group!
Those guys are ballers, yo.
I hope you like getting balled.
Sir, this guy tried to charge us
three paint balls
to use the bathroom.
We were gonna shoot him,
but tell him what you told us.
Don't shoot me.
Great.
Now shoot him.
Sure, shoot me.
You'd certainly be doing
Jeff Winger a big favor.
Greendale human beings,
it is now clear
that we have no choice
but to team up
and defeat City College.
I also have no choice
but to accept the role
thrust upon me.
And what role would that be?
No time to squabble, Troy.
"For Greendale" on three.
One, two...
Jeff, every second counts.
"For Greendale" on two.
One...
Guys.
- For Greendale!
- For Greendale!
Greendale students...
I understand you've unified,
and intend to draw this game out.
Well, if it's a war you want,
it's a war you will lose.
City College is stronger, faster.
Our sperm counts are higher.
Even in our women.
Resistance is as pointless
as your degrees.
Honestly, ask yourself,
what does "liberal arts"
even mean?
Look, "Welcome to Greendale.
You're already accepted."
Losers.
What the hell?!
- Welcome to Greendale.
- You're already dead.
Jackpot.
Shirley, you keep watch
while we get these.
Here.
Help me with this.
Sure thing, your worship.
Abed!
Stop trying to be Han Solo.
It's making me
embarrassed for you.
Come on.
Admit it. You like it.
I like having conversations
with adults.
Playing Star Wars
is worn out and immature.
You like me because I'm immature.
There's not enough
immaturity in your life.
I hope I don't
get shot waiting out here.
I'd hate to go home to my babies.
So reconnaissance indicates
the key to City College's
strategy is
the gatling gun inside
the ice cream truck,
which we will charge on masse,
overwhelming their defenses,
and taking that gun
for ourselves.
Well, that's not how
I would proceed.
Troy, do you happen
to have a better plan?
I do happen, Jeff.
I happen very much.
We'll use sneak attacks
to draw their patrol
to the library,
where one of us
will pull the fire alarm,
activating the sprinklers,
which I will have rigged
using my super plumbing skills
to shower everything
in the building with paint.
Paint in sprinklers?
- Are we the little rascals?
- I was.
Have you heard your plan?
You want to charge a machine gun.
I've got something to say.
I don't take orders from girls.
Because they don't talk to me.
Watch it, Quasar face.
Annie's a good kid
and a better shot.
So listen up,
or you'll be floating home.
Thank you, Abed.
Sorry.
Han.
Okay, I think we should
split the troops in half
and carry out both plans
simultaneously.
Troy, your plan will lure people
off the ice cream truck,
allowing Jeff's troops
to take the stronghold.
You're welcome.
I'm so glad
that we didn't shoot you.
Now we have
the tactical advantage
of knowing that Jeff Winger
wants to be a ballerina,
and that his Achilles heel
is...wieners.
That's just
the tip of the iceberg.
For one more pudding,
I'll tell you why
he's jealous of me.
And you say that they kicked
you out of their study group
- after two years?
- Yeah.
What took them so long?
Hey, thanks for sticking up
for me back there.
This group gets so tangled
in each other's feelings,
you're kind of a hero
for standing outside of it.
Yeah, well, heroes are great,
but I'll take a blaster
every time.
Anyway,
just wanted to let you know.
I don't think you're immature.
I think you're great.
For a no-good,
laser-faced,
jabba scoundrel.
You're good, kid.
Don't get cocky.
Hey!
They're right on our tail.
Operation "Troy's Awesome Plan"
is living up to its name.
Yeah, good for you.
Looks like they're
taking Troy's bait.
Squad "B" commencing
operation "Actual Operation."
Everyone look alive.
Leonard, good enough.
Greendale, it's been a pleasure
fighting with you.
Some of us won't make it.
But there is a place where we
will all see each other again,
- and that place is Denny's.
- Which Denny's?
We'll figure it out
later, Leonard.
The one near the 15 exit?
I'm banned from there.
Well, then I guess
I'll see you in hell.
Then let's kick some taint.
Okay. On my count.
One.
Two!
Vicki!
Alright.
Go go go!
Lock the door.
All right. Shirley, you have
the most important job, okay?
Yeah, yeah, pull the fire alarm.
Can we move this along?
I'm missing CSI.
Enemy soldiers are incoming.
I need everyone to evacuate
through the air vent.
Garrett!
I may be stuck in this vent.
It is too early to tell.
I think our only choice
is to try and shoot our way out.
Right. Commence operation
"Troy's Awesome Leadership
Is Never in Doubt".
That gun's too powerful.
I'm scared.
Quendra with a Q-U,
they can kill most of us,
but as long as nobody gives up,
somebody will make it through.
Do you understand?
Yes.
Charge!
Well, I'm out. We lost.
See you at Denny's?
Denny's is for winners.
Leonard, we're losing.
Britta, I've been in
a few real wars,
but this one is actually
the most terrifying.
Guys, we're dying out here.
Well, we're dying too!
They've trapped us in a dead end.
Hey, kid.
Someone's got to make it
out of here alive.
I had a dream
it would end this way.
Shirley, nobody's making it
out of the library.
Pull the alarm.
Britta, are you alive?
Britta? Britta?
Oh, hell.
Someone's got to win this.
I'm out.
Me too.
Looks like this is it.
Will you still be Han Solo
after we die?
'Fraid not, doll.
Once I'm gone, I'm gone.
Oh. Okay.
Oh, got to do everything myself.
We're all dead.
All of us.
Paint raining from the sky.
Everyone in the library is dead.
Damn it.
Kill him.
Yes, sir.
It's my h-heart.
Hey, buddy, you okay?
Cool.
Eat paint, you storm-troopin',
City College knob gobblers.
Oh!
You're it, kid.
Shirley.
What are we supposed to do?
How 'bout we save
this school's ass?
Deal.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- That's it.
- Is that it?
- I think that's it.
- That's it?
- We win!
- We win!
Oh, we win!
Jeffrey!
We win! We win! Yes!
All right! We did it!
Who are you?
Your mother's lover.
- What?
- What?
I win!
You owe me 100 Gs.
And you can make the check out...
to Greendale.
Human beings!
Human beings!
Human beings! Human beings!
Human beings!
Human beings!
- Okay.
- There it is.
Final meeting of the semester
now in session.
Final order of business...
Pick a class we can all
take in the fall.
We could just take Anthro 201.
Too risky. Sequels are almost
always disappointing.
Since when are you in favor
of playing it safe, Han?
Cool down, Annie.
I was only Han Solo
because the context demanded it.
But here...
Oh. Star-Burns.
Yeah, he uses some kind
of crystal instead of deodorant.
Guys, I know exactly
what we should do.
We should see what Troy
thinks we should do.
Had some good ideas today.
Thanks, man.
Okay. I've given this
a lot of thought,
and I've decided
we should sleep on it.
Just came back
for my day planner.
Pretend I'm not even here.
You guys are great at that.
Come on, Pierce. We all know
this is no "day planner".
Here it is.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it appears I'm running late
to drink a bottle of wine
in my bathing suit.
Pierce, wait.
You know, I've been coming
to this school for 12 years.
I've never been friends
with anyone here
more than a semester.
Probably for the same reason
I've been married seven times.
I guess I assume eventually
I'll be rejected,
so I, you know,
test people, push them,
until they prove me right.
It's a sickness.
I admit it.
But this place
has always accepted me,
sickness and all.
This place accepted all of you.
Sickness and all.
It's worth thinking about.
Um, I think we have
thought about it, Pierce,
and you're right.
And we were just picking a class
we could all be in this fall.
And we'd love for you to join us.
No, thanks.
I'm done with you guys.
I like this school,
but I'm done
with whatever you call this.
Adios.
- He was my ride.
- I'm going after him.
No, he's just acting out.
I've seen this behavior before.
In cats.
- My... my cats.
- It's true.
And now he'll come
slinking back in five,
four, three, two...
And then
one of the storm troopers
shot the others,
and it was Pierce.
And we won.
We saved Greendale.
- Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun.
- Yep.
Honestly, I don't know how
we're gonna top it next year.
Oh, I got a pitch.
Why use guns?
Take a hose and spray
the whole school with paint.
- Every inch of it.
- Actually, we kind of did that.
Haven't you been to the library?
- I'm working my way there.
- Mm.
Oh, you can just
put that anywhere.
Doing anything fun
for the summer?
- No plans.
- Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
Slippery.