Community (2009–2015): Season 2, Episode 21 - Paradigms of Human Memory - full transcript

As the study group gathers to assemble their 20th and final Anthropology diorama of the year, they begin reminiscing about their favorite times together - including a trip they made to a western ghost town, a last minute glee club performance and the array of costumes that Dean Pelton has managed to wear over the year. Meanwhile, Troy's pet monkey returns, only to disappear back into the school's ventilation system.

I can't believe
this is our 20th and final

anthropology diorama
of the year.

I can't believe our assignment
is making a diorama

of us making our 19th diorama.

- Yes, right.
- It's weird

Oh, come on.
My forehead is not this big.

Uh, Troy, can you pass me
that paintbrush?

My monkey!

My monkey took that paintbrush
and then went into that vent.

Oh, I miss him so much.

- Someone's got to go after him.
- I got this.



- Woah!
- What are you doing?

Trust me. I know these vents
like the back of my Chang.

Holy...

Is that a new stereotype?

Oh, my God.

Did you find him?

Is that a new stereotype?

No, and no.

But there's all kinds
of stuff in here.

Guys, you won't believe this

It's like a sentimental
treasure pile.

Oh, that's my spoon.

No!

Oh, Hubba Bubba.
Cool.



I thought they stopped
making this.

Community 2x21 - Paradigms of Human Memory

And that's all of it.

That's good.

That means you can put
your clothes back on.

No.
I'm going back in.

Why?

Monkey took my spoon.

It's like a reverse cow birth.

Annie, look, all
of your purple pens are here.

Do you remember
when you got so mad

because you thought
someone was stealing them?

There are so many memories
in this pile.

Look.

Whoa.
The deputy's badge

from when we spent that day
in that old ghost town.

Oh, yeah.

- We have to find the saloon.
- Every building is a saloon.

We got to go!

Get the tarnation back here,
you city slicking sons of...

That was, like, one of
the best days of the whole year,

and I almost
totally forgot about it.

We almost totally got shot.

Yeah, but by a prospector
in red long underwear.

- How cool was that?
- Yeah

Glad you had fun.

By the way, that dude
was hard-core racist,

like 1800s Disney-style.

We learned new ways
to hate ourselves.

Glee Club trophy.

You guys remember when we had
to fill in for Glee Club?

♪ Sing a-ling-a-ling ♪

♪ sing a-ling-a-ling,
ding dong ♪

♪ sing a-ling-a-ling ♪

♪ sing a-ling-a-ling,
ding dong ♪

♪ sing a-ling-a-ling,
sing a-ling-a-ling, ding dong ♪

♪ sing, sing, sing... ♪

Guys, that's not a fond memory.

We won, like, 70 awards.

Yeah, but the reason
we had to fill in for Glee Club,

was because they...

Died.

Their bus crashed.

I know, but I was remembering
around that part.

Yeah, focus on the positives,

like we got
that cool new bus driver.

Nice try, Britta,

but the truth is
it's been a dark year.

Pierce got hooked
on painkillers.

Shirley's having
an unplanned baby.

And, apparently,
Chang is in the group now?

It's true.
God hates us.

Remember when Abed had a total
mental breakdown at Christmas?

That was adorable and magical.

He thought everything
was claymation.

Yeah. But everything wasn't.

And what do you see now, Abed?

A candy cane forest.

We're all running through
the candy cane forest.

Oh, careful, Britta bot.
Don't trip on a gumdrop.

Oh, no, I tripped...
On a gumdrop!

Yay. Let's find Santa some more.

Well, I think
this year was awesome...

Full of good times
with great people.

Come on, you guys.

Stop focusing on
all the bad stuff and dig deep.

Abed, you're a computer.

Scan your mainframe
for some juicy memories.

Jeff and Britta
are having secret sex.

Exhibit A : The one thing
I do remember from Halloween.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You need some help in there?

Yeah, well, I can't use
my hands in this costume, so...

Well...

Exhibit B : Something
I overheard during Christmas.

Why would I want to be in
a school that hates Christmas?

He's got a point.
Kidding.

What are you doing later?
How about some holiday benefits?

Hey, Ixnay
in front of Uncan-day.

Hmm.

And finally Exhibit C :
The curious circumstances

following the exciting conclusion

of our St. Patrick's Day
adventure.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Woah.
- Abed! Uh...

Uh, a-a-a leprechaun
took our clothes.

And you can never
tell anyone, okay?

Okay, so we hooked up
a few times,

but there's
a much larger issue here.

We are friends with a grown man

that clearly believes
in leprechauns.

Didn't we decide
at the beginning of the year

that for the good of the group,
we wouldn't allow any intimacy

between each other
or ourselves?

Troy, we never said ourselves.

- Okay, now I'm really mad.
- So am I.

Now we know why
our year's been so horrible.

It's not God that hates us.
It's Jeff and Britta.

Oh, please.

If we were ruining your year,

why didn't you even know
about it?

Maybe we were so distracted

by all the other times you two
put yourselves before the group.

What?

When have we ever put ourselves
before the group?

You want examples?

I think they want
some examples, Pierce.

Okay, let's give 'em
some examples.

Troy, drop a beat.

- Just give 'em some examples.
- Fine.

Chipmunk.

Mm, impressive,
Mr. Winger.

Someone's going to Regionals.

It's a special cape.
A cape for justice...

What are you doing?

There's rioting in Tunisia!

The Cape is premiering.

Humanity is premiering, you jags.

We need to talk.

These people
are giving out free iPhones!

- What?
- No!

This habitat was for humanity.

Whoever did it, step forward.

You five are in big trouble.

Jeff and Britta,
you're free to go,

because you didn't step forward
and are therefore innocent.

You can't ignore the facts.

You two are ruining this group.

Look, just because
we're good-looking

- doesn't make us villains.
- Yeah, are you sure you guys

have the group's
best interests at heart?

Feast your ear tongues
on these memory pops.

Pierce, you've had three flu shots.

That's for the day care center.

I'll be a living God!

I'm glad you're considering
the exciting opportunity

of selling
Lady Miss Lady cosmetics.

Please, uh,
open your starter kits.

Okay, now that the seals
have been broken,

you each owe me $50.

I'm Jeff Winger.

Does this hard-boiled egg
make me look fat?

My name is Jeff Winger.

I love working this BlackBerry,

because it really
tones my thumbs.

It was a particularly small egg.

That's why I was asking.

You can yell at me
all you want.

I've seen enough movies to know
that popping the back of a raft,

makes it go faster.

That show's gonna last
three weeks!

Six seasons and a movie!

Pierce, you can't sneak up
on me like that.

When I'm startled,
my training takes over.

- Hello!
- Ki-yah!

Oh!

Those are just stories
about us being cute.

You guys actually
go out of your way

to endanger the fabric
of this group.

Yeah, leave our fabric alone.

You guys aren't seeing
the bigger picture.

We compartmentalized our libidos
for the good of the group.

Oh, you compartmentalized,
did you?

Then what's been going on
with us all year?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking
about the Annie of it all...

The long looks,
the stolen glances,

the general atmosphere
of "would they, might they?"

Annie, I think you're reading
into some things.

Oh, really?

♪ Something always
brings me back to you ♪

♪ it never takes too long ♪

♪ no matter what I say or do ♪

♪ I'll still feel you here ♪

♪ 'til the moment I'm gone ♪

♪ you hold me without touch ♪

♪ you keep me without chains ♪

♪ I never wanted
anything so much ♪

♪ than to drown in your love ♪

♪ and not feel your rain ♪

♪ set me free ♪

♪ leave me be ♪

♪ I don't want to fall
another moment ♪

♪ into your gravity ♪

Oh, give me a break.

I mean, you could do the same
thing with Pierce and Abed.

♪ Something always
brings me back to you ♪

♪ it never takes too long ♪

♪ no matter what I say or do ♪

♪ I still feel you here ♪

♪ till the moment I'm gone ♪

♪ you hold me without touch ♪

♪ you keep me without chains ♪

Yeah, but, Jeff,
let's be honest,

there's more
between you and Annie

than there is
between me and Pierce.

- How dare you?
- Abed, it's called chemistry.

I have it with everybody.

Everybody?

I haven't felt any
of that chemistry coming my way.

I don't know if it's because
you're racist

or because
I intimidate you sexually,

but I know
it's one of those two.

Dean-a-ling-a-ling.

I was just heading to judge
our belated carnival,

when I heard you guys
having a tiff.

What's the rumpus?

We were debating
how many times per year

a man can drop in a study room

in a dumb costume
with irrelevant news.

Dean-yow!

It's Feline AIDS Awareness Day, folks,

so let's whip it in the keister.

♪ Dean, dean, dean, dean,
dean, dean ♪

Guys, Greendale's music
department is flat "baroque",

so we are having
a fund-raiser.

What's dean got to do with it?

Why, it's time to Tina "Turner"
the clocks ahead.

Happy daylight savings!

Deanie, vidi, vici!

I came, I saw,
I conquered the idea

of a free Caesar-salad bar
in the cafeteria.

Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a dean.

That's right, Greendale presents
"Gone with the Windows,"

where we'll celebrate
our new energy-conscious windows

with a cotillion.

Whoop.

Okay.

Well, I guess
we don't see our patterns

until they're all laid out
in front of us.

Thank you
for being so nice about it.

Oh, dean. Dean.

Can we please stop fighting?

We're starting
to hurt innocent perverts.

I don't want to stop.

We're airing out
all this dirty laundry.

After that,
we'll stop fighting forever.

Am I the only one
that remembers

our horrible camping trip?

- It's "suh-mores.", not "s'mores."
- No, you're saying it wrong

I just found out about it.

It's pronounced "s'mores."

Yeah, it's a contraction
of "some mores."

So contract it.

Stop saying "suh-mores"
unless you "can not."

Guys!

We need to stop fighting.

No, we don't.

It's good that we're finally
getting all this out there.

After this,
we'll stop fighting.

That's what we said

when we were painting
Shirley's nursery.

I don't being racist

Hey, when I'm being racist,
you'll know.

Guys, let's not repeat
the events of Caesar salad day.

Troy, your nose is bleeding.

Abed, stop being meta.

Why do you always have to take
whatever happens to us

and shove it up its own ass?

He's not being meta.

He's just pointing out what
none of us want to acknowledge...

It's all of us.

This group is toxic.

We fight about fighting
about fighting.

- We're sick.
- I hate us!

Well, what do we do now?

Well, we could do
what we always do...

Storm out in a huff and say
that the group is breaking up.

Troy, pass me
that paintbrush, please.

Does anybody have any iodine?

How many vents are you
gonna crawl out of this year?

That's it.
We're done.

Yeah. We're done.

See you all tomorrow.

Uh, you guys, wait.
I want to say something.

You don't have to save us
with a speech.

We're not breaking up,

so we don't need to get
back together.

I know I don't have to,
but I want to.

Look, we've known each other
for almost two years now.

And, yeah, in that time,

I've given a lot of speeches,

but they all have
one thing in common.

They're all different.

These drug runners
aren't gonna execute Pierce

because he's racist.

It's a locomotive
that runs on us.

And the only sharks
in that water,

are the emotional ghosts
that I like to call fear.

Anchovies. Fear.

And the dangers
of ingesting mercury.

Because the real bugs
aren't the ones in those beds.

And there's no such thing
as a free Caesar salad.

And even if there were...

The Cape still might find

a second life on cable.

And I'll tell you why.

El corazon del agua es verdad.

That water is a lie!

Harrison Ford
is irradiating our testicles

with microwave
satellite transmissions!

So maybe we are caught
in an endless cycle

of screwups and hurt feelings,

but I choose to believe
it's just the universe's way

of molding us
into some kind of supergroup.

Like the Traveling Wilburys.

Yes, Troy, like
the Traveling Wilburys of pain...

Prepared for any insane
adventure life throws our way.

And I don't know about you,

but I'm looking forward
to every one of them.

Oh, Jeffrey.

Oh, Jeff.

Jeffrey, Jeffrey.

Well, I guess
we can get through anything.

So it's probably okay

if you and Britta want to keep,
you know, hooking up.

- I don't mind it so much.
- I'm cool with it.

- God cares.
- Whatever.

Have fun tonight.

So...

I guess we don't have to keep
sneaking around anymore.

Yeah, I guess not.

You want to stop doing this?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

- It's not you, it's me.
- It's you.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Ooh.

Hey, you guys
remember the time when...

Those guys don't care
who they hurt, do they?

You know I still don't even know
if I'm in the group?

Hey...

You and I have had
some pretty good times, huh?

What a year.

Hey everybody.
Can I help you with anything?

I care about you guys.

Shut up, dean.
You dress in stupid outfits.

Well, you have a right
to your opinion,

so I'll just leave.

You could have been nicer
to the dean just then, Jeff.

So what?
I don't care.

I just think there maybe
could be repercussions, yo.

I don't care what you think.

I don't care
about repercussions.

And I don't care
about the dean.

- Okay.
- Okay

Meanwhile, at that same moment,

a truck full of toxic waste
crashes and spills on the dean,

transforming him
into Mega-dean!

I don't care about anything.

Wait. I care now!
Now I care!

Too late.

I owe you guys an apology.

The dean runs our school.

He's entitled
to a modicum of respect.

You're always
so mean to him. Why?

It's embarrassing to admit,

but sometimes I felt jealous
of his interesting outfits.

Jeffrey,
if I didn't know better,

I'd say you had a crush on him.

I'll never tell!