Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012–…): Season 9, Episode 1 - Kristen Wiig - The Volvo-ness - full transcript
With this look of wonder,
at the Golden Globes,
I think that's the whole point.
They hover. I mean, they...
Just anyone's hand reaching
towards me with a phone in it.
-And it's just
1:00 in the morning.
-1:00 in the morning.
You know what?
I've never been inside
House of Pies.
'Cause you write
all Tuesday night,
as the chefs call it. WEBVTT
Oh, I see, look. That's it.
And sometimes you're on the floor, and you're sitting there. It's just
like, my home.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:28515840
Yeah.
Peach pie in season.
I just heard that.
My dogs are here.
"I have no experience." And so I didn't do anything. -Right. - -I'm going to take one more picture of it. WEBVTT
-How come?
-I think when I moved here,
when I was in The Groundlings,
It was like... that big
with candles in it.
Wow.
That's your house, and you go
back to your life now.
- "How are they going to have the consistency? This is not going to be good."
- on a ukulele album right now.
- -Is there another home that you would live in?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90240000
- I'm surprised it was delicious. -Yes. I know, but it was.
- - "And you knew them from before?" -
- -By the way, House of Pies sounds dirtier than Sugarmodels.
- -I wrote, "I hate you."
- I get donuts sometimes for my birthday, instead of a birthday cake.
- Yeah.
- I thought, "Oh my"...
Will you go out to dinner
with people that aren't funny?
But if-if that were me,
I would have a panic attack.
Yes.
Yes.
Isn't this nice and relaxing? WEBVTT
- You want to go in?
- It drives me nuts.
Were you sleeping together?
And someone
being like, "Kristen,
tell that story about..."
What do you think
of these on me?
How long did you know your boyfriend before this information came
out?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:17326080
He is so excited
about the Volvos.
Salespeople are
always dishonest.
You're being dishonest.
- I don't think they told anyone I was joining the cast.
- -Yes. -What year is this?
- -Hell of a hat. Are you doing a Western later?
- -This place is frozen in time.
And I was like,
"Oh my gosh, this is amazing."
and they called me, and they were like, "Can you come next
week?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:48368640
and everyone's like, "Oh."
Right.
You're going to lose your mind.
Wait, two servings of eggs, a croissant, and a piece of pie.
"Oh, Jerry Seinfeld's
calling." "Again?"
So the top w-when
you burn that down,
Hello.
that you felt,
"I think this works?"
Nope. We don't want to do it, not from your phone. -
- -Kristen, it's Jerry Seinfeld.
- -Social club. -Social club.
I would like to see you answering the phone at Sugarmodels.
- my sunglasses have translucent frames...
- She's like, "Now they're flying? What?" -That's so...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:44037120
And this woman was so confused by the movie WEBVTT
How dumb.
And talk to people. -Yeah, about dessert. Yeah, that sounds like
fun.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:77606400
and I just took my head... and I was writing down things she was
saying.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:43676160
and so loud
about it because she had
her headphones on.
- Did you see that billboard on La Cienega for Sugarmodels?
- But come on, are they really?
Oh, these are the times
I wish I was still on the show.
Kristen is of Norwegian descent
Yes.
And you're like, "Well,
what if I just took that
and then just exploded it?"
extra special guest today, Ms. Kristen Wiig. WEBVTT
It also happens to be
the personal taste
I worked in a flower shop
for like three years.
I mean, I didn't getSNL
until I was 30.
Cars are always
the most vivid expression
He's like already charbroiled.
He said, "This comes in handy
a lot of times in real life."
It has 90 horsepower.
Palate expander?
They know exactly when
to put them on.
- it was one chair, right?
- Yeah.
"You... you get out of here." WEBVTT
All right, let's get real.
A town of whores.
-"Mariole." "Mariole" Streep.
-"Mariole" Streep.
"Mariole" Streep.
'cause everyone was laughing
before you started.
The greatest bit I've ever seen
on an award show
Because your brain
is working so fast...
Yes. Yes.
And it ended on time, and like, "Okay, see you tomorrow."
- It's fun, right?
- Yes, it's so fun.
Like someone walks
up to you and is like,
And I'm like,
"What's that like?"
and then you'd come home
and you'd be in the car,
I missed my family.
I needed to see daylight
No. It didn't feel right to stay. WEBVTT
- even though it was my decision to do it.
- -That looks amazing, those fries. -Oh, good for you.
And I like lost it.
Really?
I waited months before I watched it, WEBVTT
How did you feel that lastSNL,
I still do shows there
once in a while.
than reading a script
and then doing it,
I feel like my brain is better at something like that
What are they going to say?" It was so funny, - -(creaks,
I didn't know what it was. -Right, right.
Oh my gosh. Nice. My step-dog.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:93849600 - -Jerry: Yeah, there's the back border. -Kristen: It's the back border,
00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:61363200 - But I got here, and I was like, "What do I do? WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:25989120
You don't have donuts, do you? WEBVTT
I just slalomed for first time.
It's a good workout.
You water skiing is a really funny image. -
will be right back after this brief word from our sponsor.
What do you do for fun?
"Just leave us alone!
We're just people!"
Do you know your way home from here? -To my actual house?
"That happened?" -"Really? And you just bumped into them."
Someone will tell
a story, and then,
Here, I'll do a little heart. Thank you so
much.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:88796160
- -Jeni's? Yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:86630400
- -Yeah. -That's what I'm thinking in my head.
That Jeni's Ice Cream.
I love two people
getting heated up
He did love it
that I liked them so much.
- They fit exactly where your...
- I don't look good.
Like old Volvos, and I was like, "I love old Volvos."
and he drove one in high school,
Yeah. Yeah. -My biggest fear is like being at a big dinner
How did that happen?
How did that come up?
I remember year four,
I was like "I'm done.
I feel like... I can make my own salsa. WEBVTT
- "I don't have any more characters in me. What?" -That's so funny.
Oh my gosh, the tank. It's a tank.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:15160320
You know, I think they actually fit your head really well.
I really felt that way. "I have no more. I've done every accent.
"Oh, the moment I feel comfortable here is when I have to leave."
- And what were you doing?
- I was living here.
Oh, thank you. A stranger just handed me my... WEBVTT
- -I already have. -You're going... yeah.
- "Who is Sugarmodels?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:80494080
Oh my God, Jerry, this is insane.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:12633600
And then the season started, and I was like, "Well, I'm not
there.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:47646720
Are you kidding?
Do you know what this is?
And this is... WEBVTT
You know, that show, it's like you don't hear for a while.
Yeah. I don't think this is... -No, we don't want to call
that.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:79411200
I've had a great morning.
We have one candle that's got like a pine scent on the top,
like bicycles with only one gear. WEBVTT
- that she lives in. -
- -It's just a sweet shop, is all it is. -That's all it is.
Maybe it's both. -Maybe it's models of things, made of sugar?
It started because I was on a plane, and they were showingThe
You see somebody twirling their hair - "May
I have some more coffee?" That's not as...
- It's just a comment.
- Yeah.
- -Right. -The funny part is he didn't even ask for it.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:73635840 - -I
take like little things people like say or do... Yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:41149440
and I'm like, "I used to give you Arnold Palmers." WEBVTT
honest, hardworking, unfussy,
This car is the essence of great '60s Swedish values...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:4692480 -
His name was Glenn Super. He had the bullhorn on stage.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:72192000
- -Yeah. -
- This was also the very first production car
That dog does look edible by the way. - WEBVTT
There's the guy who ate the dog.
He didn't eat the dog.
You go in there now, it's like 20 chairs. WEBVTT
and red wheels, with hubcaps that have red insignias.
- -Yeah. I wanted palate expander to be a Spider-Man villain.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:70748160
- It's got a four-cylinder engine and a four-speed gearbox.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:2887680
They start with the palate expander, then the retainer.
- Well, that's the joke, right?
- That is the joke.
I don't think they have tires. WEBVTT
The only thing we knew we were going to say is that "get out"
part.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:35735040
This thing has become... - WEBVTT
And then it's over and you're like, "Oh my God. How did we do
that?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:66416640
Oh, this is amazing.
It's... it's like you're in a bomb squad. -I know you do,
"We have to cut 20... You have to cut 20 seconds out of that."
Don't eat it. WEBVTT
Oh yeah. It was the hardest thing I had to do, WEBVTT
You're kidding? Oh my God. -Yeah. WEBVTT
We're trying to figure out... where's the point? WEBVTT
Uh-oh. WEBVTT
- Do you want the peach pie?
- Yes.
Oh. Now I recognize it. See, you have
to lift.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:61002240
What are you feeling, Kristen? WEBVTT
- Oh, it's so cool. WEBVTT
I went and saw the show, and I'd never seen improv in my life.
So, you like LA? I do. WEBVTT
- Oh yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:24545280 - -I originally
came out here 'cause I wanted to...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:25628160
It was delicious. -Really? WEBVTT
- and they got a huge donut.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:57031680
- -Oh. All right.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90600960
I play the ukulele, and I'm working WEBVTT
That's a great idea. -And I had my birthday when we were shootingGhostbusters,
I didn't quite... -I've had that same reaction.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:20935680
Oh my God, I saw
the camera over there,
"Yeah, and then we just... we all left." WEBVTT
No. -They do think everyone's going to go, "Oh my God."
- Come on, dude.
- The breeze is nice.
And I always wonder, "Do they know they just went in the toilet?"
Like, I've... I don't know. WEBVTT
- When they get the look of these stores, right...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:86269440 -
- That is hilarious. -Kind of rare. It's kind of rare.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000
Just kidding. WEBVTT
I don't know why. I know I have... it's a weird. -I think we can get
past that.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:53061120
Do you have any s... -They're... everyone's looking at me, "What's my
mouth doing?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:52339200
Well, his parents have... I think they have three,
Horrible. Absolutely horrible. -They make great gifts.
Being in a character, I could get on stage and talk for half an
hour.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:51256320
Yeah, my boyfriend is very into Volvos. WEBVTT
Yeah, the eggs were three dollars. -Three dollars?
That's crazy. -That's crazy. WEBVTT
Oh yeah. It's a solid click.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:13355520
Oh. -Oh my gosh. WEBVTT
- - "Well, you met with Lorne, that's like you've got the job.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:46924800
- and on the bottom, it's like a nutmeg.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:45480960
Should we call? -Sure. Yeah, call them. WEBVTT
I actually drank this stuff called mushroom coffee.
Oh my gosh, hi.
People who just want to sit around with dessert. WEBVTT
I liked doing the Target lady. I think I did it in my audition.
Hello?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9384960 - -Mm-hmm,
that's my arrangement. And sugar club?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:76884480
Well, I know a place that makes moss and wood bark
omelets.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:10467840
But the bottom of my jeans are rolled up, WEBVTT
to show how young and into it they are, WEBVTT
"sugar dates, arrangements, social club." WEBVTT
I know Sweden and Norway are two different countries,
Maybe it's a modeling agency, maybe it's a dessert. -Yeah.
and loves old Volvos.
And is constantly making the pop sound. WEBVTT
of my unbelievably talented and funny WEBVTT
the person wants coffee... that's not the funny part.
in the executive dining room. So, I see people now,
of what a culture is about in the time that it was made.
And he would go... "Some coffee would be nice."
That's enough. WEBVTT
When you were a kid... -Yes, when I was a... WEBVTT
in pearl white, with a red leatherette interior, WEBVTT
This is a 1964 Volvo 122 Sedan WEBVTT
We hadn't seen the movies. WEBVTT
I don't care what you got. I don't care what it is.
- Yes.
- I don't care if you saw
And she's the sassy sheriff. -Oh my gosh, and she plays that...
the whoriest night of the year in Hollywood, WEBVTT
- You walked out there WEBVTT
is when you and Will did the Golden Globes, WEBVTT
But then you figure it out. -Yeah. WEBVTT
Smells like crust. - WEBVTT
- I don't want to see anything on anybody's phone anymore.
We're going to House of Pies.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:30681600
to figure out a math problem that has nothing to do with anything.
and people are running 'cause they're up early. WEBVTT
and go to the dentist. -That's true. WEBVTT
Was there any discussion of you not going? WEBVTT
Look at that, he ordered... he ordered a dog. WEBVTT
Oh, look at that. That looks great. -Oh my God. WEBVTT
that fantastic thing they did for you? WEBVTT
and then people can be like, "Is that good?" WEBVTT
and I was like, "I want to do that." -Right. WEBVTT
Let's do that.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:59919360 - -Jerry:
This is a nice dog.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:93488640
Hi guys. I haven't seen you in so long. Hello. WEBVTT
So like getting suggestions, I'm like, "What's going on?
- Yeah.
It's not going to be good. -It was good. WEBVTT
It was like a big donut. I was like, WEBVTT
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee WEBVTT
Oh, it's idiotic. - WEBVTT
Oh, this is a great bookstore. -Let's go in for the smell.
Water skiing, things like that. WEBVTT
I was like, "They're filming us!" WEBVTT
Do you have trouble focusing? WEBVTT
Yeah, the breeze. The Volvo-ness. WEBVTT
So relaxing. WEBVTT
Excuse me, we have to get to Jeni's. WEBVTT
It's weird to describe myself as like being funny. WEBVTT
- and then I just immediately go into the sweats.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:51978240
- and jumping into bed because of an old Volvo.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:18048000
I mean, it definitely was a bonding thing. WEBVTT
I don't like being in front of people. WEBVTT
I'm not being dishonest. -They don't look good. WEBVTT
had kind of mentioned that he drove Volvos, WEBVTT
- I can't do anything else with my voice. I don't...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:49812480
- And actually, we, um...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:15882240
Would you suggest I buy these? -I mean, yeah. You look great.
Ooh, glasses. WEBVTT
I remember when I first started, I was like, WEBVTT
I came in and I was like, "Hi." It was so awkward. WEBVTT
00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000 - -(jazz
And then it was like, four shows in, WEBVTT
By the way, it was $20, is the whole check.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:80855040 -
When you open the door, tell me how that feels.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:12994560
- -Then my wife sees it. - "Jerry?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:80133120 - It's very like ambiguous. WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:46202880
- -It's an Amazon.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:12272640 - it's a whole other candle. WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:45841920
I'm Jerry Seinfeld, WEBVTT
What was the first thing... do you remember? WEBVTT
What kind of morning have you had? WEBVTT
"Sugarmodels, connecting beautiful women with affluent
men.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000
And she was doing it so loud, WEBVTT
And she's like, "What? Now where are they?" WEBVTT
I'm ready to have a hipster day. WEBVTT
That's all it is. "I want three bear claws a week."
Like, I did this character onSNL, Aunt Linda. WEBVTT
No.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:75079680
And you just fill in the rest of the picture. WEBVTT
That's not funny. -That's not funny. WEBVTT
- I don't know if you ever saw it. She's like a movie critic.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:41871360 - -That's what you're great at. WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:40427520
- I think there's a connection there.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:6497280 - -If you would've said it another way or asked... WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:73996800
It's also a perfect car for the kind of hipster neighborhood
It's like a floral design studio is what they call it.
not out to impress, and built to last. WEBVTT
That's a character, someone that works in the florist,
The whole setup of the thing... the bullhorn, the restaurant,
00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:37539840 - to come with
Really? -Yeah. I actually waited tables at Universal Studios,
He didn't. Well, we can't see his legs.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:36817920 - -Jerry:
There was a guy that used to have a bullhorn on stage.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:71831040
In Europe, these cars were known as Amazons.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000 - -He goes
like this, and people are like, "Ah!" -Yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:71109120
Orthodontia for children is so down now. -Yeah. WEBVTT
That's the part of it I thought was funny. -Yeah.
Hope Springs. WEBVTT
an alien changing a tire on his saucer. WEBVTT
at the Golden Globes,
I think that's the whole point.
They hover. I mean, they...
Just anyone's hand reaching
towards me with a phone in it.
-And it's just
1:00 in the morning.
-1:00 in the morning.
You know what?
I've never been inside
House of Pies.
'Cause you write
all Tuesday night,
as the chefs call it. WEBVTT
Oh, I see, look. That's it.
And sometimes you're on the floor, and you're sitting there. It's just
like, my home.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:28515840
Yeah.
Peach pie in season.
I just heard that.
My dogs are here.
"I have no experience." And so I didn't do anything. -Right. - -I'm going to take one more picture of it. WEBVTT
-How come?
-I think when I moved here,
when I was in The Groundlings,
It was like... that big
with candles in it.
Wow.
That's your house, and you go
back to your life now.
- "How are they going to have the consistency? This is not going to be good."
- on a ukulele album right now.
- -Is there another home that you would live in?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90240000
- I'm surprised it was delicious. -Yes. I know, but it was.
- - "And you knew them from before?" -
- -By the way, House of Pies sounds dirtier than Sugarmodels.
- -I wrote, "I hate you."
- I get donuts sometimes for my birthday, instead of a birthday cake.
- Yeah.
- I thought, "Oh my"...
Will you go out to dinner
with people that aren't funny?
But if-if that were me,
I would have a panic attack.
Yes.
Yes.
Isn't this nice and relaxing? WEBVTT
- You want to go in?
- It drives me nuts.
Were you sleeping together?
And someone
being like, "Kristen,
tell that story about..."
What do you think
of these on me?
How long did you know your boyfriend before this information came
out?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:17326080
He is so excited
about the Volvos.
Salespeople are
always dishonest.
You're being dishonest.
- I don't think they told anyone I was joining the cast.
- -Yes. -What year is this?
- -Hell of a hat. Are you doing a Western later?
- -This place is frozen in time.
And I was like,
"Oh my gosh, this is amazing."
and they called me, and they were like, "Can you come next
week?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:48368640
and everyone's like, "Oh."
Right.
You're going to lose your mind.
Wait, two servings of eggs, a croissant, and a piece of pie.
"Oh, Jerry Seinfeld's
calling." "Again?"
So the top w-when
you burn that down,
Hello.
that you felt,
"I think this works?"
Nope. We don't want to do it, not from your phone. -
- -Kristen, it's Jerry Seinfeld.
- -Social club. -Social club.
I would like to see you answering the phone at Sugarmodels.
- my sunglasses have translucent frames...
- She's like, "Now they're flying? What?" -That's so...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:44037120
And this woman was so confused by the movie WEBVTT
How dumb.
And talk to people. -Yeah, about dessert. Yeah, that sounds like
fun.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:77606400
and I just took my head... and I was writing down things she was
saying.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:43676160
and so loud
about it because she had
her headphones on.
- Did you see that billboard on La Cienega for Sugarmodels?
- But come on, are they really?
Oh, these are the times
I wish I was still on the show.
Kristen is of Norwegian descent
Yes.
And you're like, "Well,
what if I just took that
and then just exploded it?"
extra special guest today, Ms. Kristen Wiig. WEBVTT
It also happens to be
the personal taste
I worked in a flower shop
for like three years.
I mean, I didn't getSNL
until I was 30.
Cars are always
the most vivid expression
He's like already charbroiled.
He said, "This comes in handy
a lot of times in real life."
It has 90 horsepower.
Palate expander?
They know exactly when
to put them on.
- it was one chair, right?
- Yeah.
"You... you get out of here." WEBVTT
All right, let's get real.
A town of whores.
-"Mariole." "Mariole" Streep.
-"Mariole" Streep.
"Mariole" Streep.
'cause everyone was laughing
before you started.
The greatest bit I've ever seen
on an award show
Because your brain
is working so fast...
Yes. Yes.
And it ended on time, and like, "Okay, see you tomorrow."
- It's fun, right?
- Yes, it's so fun.
Like someone walks
up to you and is like,
And I'm like,
"What's that like?"
and then you'd come home
and you'd be in the car,
I missed my family.
I needed to see daylight
No. It didn't feel right to stay. WEBVTT
- even though it was my decision to do it.
- -That looks amazing, those fries. -Oh, good for you.
And I like lost it.
Really?
I waited months before I watched it, WEBVTT
How did you feel that lastSNL,
I still do shows there
once in a while.
than reading a script
and then doing it,
I feel like my brain is better at something like that
What are they going to say?" It was so funny, - -(creaks,
I didn't know what it was. -Right, right.
Oh my gosh. Nice. My step-dog.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:93849600 - -Jerry: Yeah, there's the back border. -Kristen: It's the back border,
00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:61363200 - But I got here, and I was like, "What do I do? WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:25989120
You don't have donuts, do you? WEBVTT
I just slalomed for first time.
It's a good workout.
You water skiing is a really funny image. -
will be right back after this brief word from our sponsor.
What do you do for fun?
"Just leave us alone!
We're just people!"
Do you know your way home from here? -To my actual house?
"That happened?" -"Really? And you just bumped into them."
Someone will tell
a story, and then,
Here, I'll do a little heart. Thank you so
much.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:88796160
- -Jeni's? Yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:86630400
- -Yeah. -That's what I'm thinking in my head.
That Jeni's Ice Cream.
I love two people
getting heated up
He did love it
that I liked them so much.
- They fit exactly where your...
- I don't look good.
Like old Volvos, and I was like, "I love old Volvos."
and he drove one in high school,
Yeah. Yeah. -My biggest fear is like being at a big dinner
How did that happen?
How did that come up?
I remember year four,
I was like "I'm done.
I feel like... I can make my own salsa. WEBVTT
- "I don't have any more characters in me. What?" -That's so funny.
Oh my gosh, the tank. It's a tank.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:15160320
You know, I think they actually fit your head really well.
I really felt that way. "I have no more. I've done every accent.
"Oh, the moment I feel comfortable here is when I have to leave."
- And what were you doing?
- I was living here.
Oh, thank you. A stranger just handed me my... WEBVTT
- -I already have. -You're going... yeah.
- "Who is Sugarmodels?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:80494080
Oh my God, Jerry, this is insane.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:12633600
And then the season started, and I was like, "Well, I'm not
there.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:47646720
Are you kidding?
Do you know what this is?
And this is... WEBVTT
You know, that show, it's like you don't hear for a while.
Yeah. I don't think this is... -No, we don't want to call
that.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:79411200
I've had a great morning.
We have one candle that's got like a pine scent on the top,
like bicycles with only one gear. WEBVTT
- that she lives in. -
- -It's just a sweet shop, is all it is. -That's all it is.
Maybe it's both. -Maybe it's models of things, made of sugar?
It started because I was on a plane, and they were showingThe
You see somebody twirling their hair - "May
I have some more coffee?" That's not as...
- It's just a comment.
- Yeah.
- -Right. -The funny part is he didn't even ask for it.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:73635840 - -I
take like little things people like say or do... Yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:41149440
and I'm like, "I used to give you Arnold Palmers." WEBVTT
honest, hardworking, unfussy,
This car is the essence of great '60s Swedish values...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:4692480 -
His name was Glenn Super. He had the bullhorn on stage.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:72192000
- -Yeah. -
- This was also the very first production car
That dog does look edible by the way. - WEBVTT
There's the guy who ate the dog.
He didn't eat the dog.
You go in there now, it's like 20 chairs. WEBVTT
and red wheels, with hubcaps that have red insignias.
- -Yeah. I wanted palate expander to be a Spider-Man villain.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:70748160
- It's got a four-cylinder engine and a four-speed gearbox.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:2887680
They start with the palate expander, then the retainer.
- Well, that's the joke, right?
- That is the joke.
I don't think they have tires. WEBVTT
The only thing we knew we were going to say is that "get out"
part.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:35735040
This thing has become... - WEBVTT
And then it's over and you're like, "Oh my God. How did we do
that?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:66416640
Oh, this is amazing.
It's... it's like you're in a bomb squad. -I know you do,
"We have to cut 20... You have to cut 20 seconds out of that."
Don't eat it. WEBVTT
Oh yeah. It was the hardest thing I had to do, WEBVTT
You're kidding? Oh my God. -Yeah. WEBVTT
We're trying to figure out... where's the point? WEBVTT
Uh-oh. WEBVTT
- Do you want the peach pie?
- Yes.
Oh. Now I recognize it. See, you have
to lift.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:61002240
What are you feeling, Kristen? WEBVTT
- Oh, it's so cool. WEBVTT
I went and saw the show, and I'd never seen improv in my life.
So, you like LA? I do. WEBVTT
- Oh yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:24545280 - -I originally
came out here 'cause I wanted to...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:25628160
It was delicious. -Really? WEBVTT
- and they got a huge donut.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:57031680
- -Oh. All right.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90600960
I play the ukulele, and I'm working WEBVTT
That's a great idea. -And I had my birthday when we were shootingGhostbusters,
I didn't quite... -I've had that same reaction.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:20935680
Oh my God, I saw
the camera over there,
"Yeah, and then we just... we all left." WEBVTT
No. -They do think everyone's going to go, "Oh my God."
- Come on, dude.
- The breeze is nice.
And I always wonder, "Do they know they just went in the toilet?"
Like, I've... I don't know. WEBVTT
- When they get the look of these stores, right...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:86269440 -
- That is hilarious. -Kind of rare. It's kind of rare.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000
Just kidding. WEBVTT
I don't know why. I know I have... it's a weird. -I think we can get
past that.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:53061120
Do you have any s... -They're... everyone's looking at me, "What's my
mouth doing?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:52339200
Well, his parents have... I think they have three,
Horrible. Absolutely horrible. -They make great gifts.
Being in a character, I could get on stage and talk for half an
hour.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:51256320
Yeah, my boyfriend is very into Volvos. WEBVTT
Yeah, the eggs were three dollars. -Three dollars?
That's crazy. -That's crazy. WEBVTT
Oh yeah. It's a solid click.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:13355520
Oh. -Oh my gosh. WEBVTT
- - "Well, you met with Lorne, that's like you've got the job.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:46924800
- and on the bottom, it's like a nutmeg.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:45480960
Should we call? -Sure. Yeah, call them. WEBVTT
I actually drank this stuff called mushroom coffee.
Oh my gosh, hi.
People who just want to sit around with dessert. WEBVTT
I liked doing the Target lady. I think I did it in my audition.
Hello?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9384960 - -Mm-hmm,
that's my arrangement. And sugar club?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:76884480
Well, I know a place that makes moss and wood bark
omelets.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:10467840
But the bottom of my jeans are rolled up, WEBVTT
to show how young and into it they are, WEBVTT
"sugar dates, arrangements, social club." WEBVTT
I know Sweden and Norway are two different countries,
Maybe it's a modeling agency, maybe it's a dessert. -Yeah.
and loves old Volvos.
And is constantly making the pop sound. WEBVTT
of my unbelievably talented and funny WEBVTT
the person wants coffee... that's not the funny part.
in the executive dining room. So, I see people now,
of what a culture is about in the time that it was made.
And he would go... "Some coffee would be nice."
That's enough. WEBVTT
When you were a kid... -Yes, when I was a... WEBVTT
in pearl white, with a red leatherette interior, WEBVTT
This is a 1964 Volvo 122 Sedan WEBVTT
We hadn't seen the movies. WEBVTT
I don't care what you got. I don't care what it is.
- Yes.
- I don't care if you saw
And she's the sassy sheriff. -Oh my gosh, and she plays that...
the whoriest night of the year in Hollywood, WEBVTT
- You walked out there WEBVTT
is when you and Will did the Golden Globes, WEBVTT
But then you figure it out. -Yeah. WEBVTT
Smells like crust. - WEBVTT
- I don't want to see anything on anybody's phone anymore.
We're going to House of Pies.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:30681600
to figure out a math problem that has nothing to do with anything.
and people are running 'cause they're up early. WEBVTT
and go to the dentist. -That's true. WEBVTT
Was there any discussion of you not going? WEBVTT
Look at that, he ordered... he ordered a dog. WEBVTT
Oh, look at that. That looks great. -Oh my God. WEBVTT
that fantastic thing they did for you? WEBVTT
and then people can be like, "Is that good?" WEBVTT
and I was like, "I want to do that." -Right. WEBVTT
Let's do that.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:59919360 - -Jerry:
This is a nice dog.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:93488640
Hi guys. I haven't seen you in so long. Hello. WEBVTT
So like getting suggestions, I'm like, "What's going on?
- Yeah.
It's not going to be good. -It was good. WEBVTT
It was like a big donut. I was like, WEBVTT
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee WEBVTT
Oh, it's idiotic. - WEBVTT
Oh, this is a great bookstore. -Let's go in for the smell.
Water skiing, things like that. WEBVTT
I was like, "They're filming us!" WEBVTT
Do you have trouble focusing? WEBVTT
Yeah, the breeze. The Volvo-ness. WEBVTT
So relaxing. WEBVTT
Excuse me, we have to get to Jeni's. WEBVTT
It's weird to describe myself as like being funny. WEBVTT
- and then I just immediately go into the sweats.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:51978240
- and jumping into bed because of an old Volvo.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:18048000
I mean, it definitely was a bonding thing. WEBVTT
I don't like being in front of people. WEBVTT
I'm not being dishonest. -They don't look good. WEBVTT
had kind of mentioned that he drove Volvos, WEBVTT
- I can't do anything else with my voice. I don't...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:49812480
- And actually, we, um...00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:15882240
Would you suggest I buy these? -I mean, yeah. You look great.
Ooh, glasses. WEBVTT
I remember when I first started, I was like, WEBVTT
I came in and I was like, "Hi." It was so awkward. WEBVTT
00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000 - -(jazz
And then it was like, four shows in, WEBVTT
By the way, it was $20, is the whole check.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:80855040 -
When you open the door, tell me how that feels.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:12994560
- -Then my wife sees it. - "Jerry?00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:80133120 - It's very like ambiguous. WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:46202880
- -It's an Amazon.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:12272640 - it's a whole other candle. WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:45841920
I'm Jerry Seinfeld, WEBVTT
What was the first thing... do you remember? WEBVTT
What kind of morning have you had? WEBVTT
"Sugarmodels, connecting beautiful women with affluent
men.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000
And she was doing it so loud, WEBVTT
And she's like, "What? Now where are they?" WEBVTT
I'm ready to have a hipster day. WEBVTT
That's all it is. "I want three bear claws a week."
Like, I did this character onSNL, Aunt Linda. WEBVTT
No.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:75079680
And you just fill in the rest of the picture. WEBVTT
That's not funny. -That's not funny. WEBVTT
- I don't know if you ever saw it. She's like a movie critic.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:41871360 - -That's what you're great at. WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:40427520
- I think there's a connection there.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:6497280 - -If you would've said it another way or asked... WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:73996800
It's also a perfect car for the kind of hipster neighborhood
It's like a floral design studio is what they call it.
not out to impress, and built to last. WEBVTT
That's a character, someone that works in the florist,
The whole setup of the thing... the bullhorn, the restaurant,
00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:37539840 - to come with
Really? -Yeah. I actually waited tables at Universal Studios,
He didn't. Well, we can't see his legs.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:36817920 - -Jerry:
There was a guy that used to have a bullhorn on stage.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:71831040
In Europe, these cars were known as Amazons.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:90000 - -He goes
like this, and people are like, "Ah!" -Yeah.00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:71109120
Orthodontia for children is so down now. -Yeah. WEBVTT
That's the part of it I thought was funny. -Yeah.
Hope Springs. WEBVTT
an alien changing a tire on his saucer. WEBVTT