Cold Feet (1997–…): Season 9, Episode 4 - Episode #9.4 - full transcript
MUSIC: 'Love & Hate'
by Michael Kiwanuka
Sorry. It must be horrible.
# Standing now
# Calling all the people
Here to see the show
# Calling for my demons
Now to let... #
I thought it was you.
Me?
That's what they told me.
I thought you were dying.
Oh, that must have been
awful for you.
Worse for me.
Worse for Barbara.
Yeah.
A cerebral what?
A cerebral aneurysm.
We were told it was a stroke.
It's more of a brain bleed.
She's going to be all right, though,
isn't she?
She is still here, you know.
I keeled over on the dance floor.
Heather thought I was pie-eyed.
Pot calling kettle.
I think I should call our Sheila,
Mum.
Oh, no, don't do that.
Shh.
There's no need. Tell them, Doctor.
We'll be monitoring you
very closely, Barbara.
In some people,
there's a small chance
of a recurrent bleed.
The first 48 hours are critical.
I think Sheila
would want to know, Mum.
Oh, I'm sure she would.
There's nothing she likes more
than a hospital drama.
But this isn't one.
Leave it, love.
Jane, I am so sorry. How is she?
She's gonna be OK.
See for yourself in a minute.
What, are they doing tests?
No, she's putting her lippy on.
Hang on.
She's ready to receive her public.
Oh, you had me so worried, Barbara.
I've been beside myself.
You look wonderful.
You really do.
Do you want a hand?
No, I have to learn.
You can lend a hand with the bags.
What happened to you?
Sprained ankle.
Seriously?
Yes, seriously sprained.
Practically broken.
SHE CHUCKLES
Ooh, aren't you strong?
That's going to my gym, that is.
How are we going to get there now,
boss?
I can still work on my upper body,
so we'll Uber it.
Liv, you're back?
Just last night.
While you were away.
Hello, darling.
Grandma.
I'm spending the day in court.
Watching Toby in action.
Who's Toby?
Liv's friend.
Colleague. He's Robin's junior.
I should go.
I'll walk you to the tram.
No, it's fine.
Hey, come for dinner sometime.
Liv. Wait up.
David.
Deborah.
Welcome. I'm so glad
you decided to join us.
It's a chance to make a difference.
Yeah.
You do know what it is
we do here at the bank?
It's the usual investment advice.
Bonds, gilts, equities.
We print money.
Any fool could do it.
But society is changing. Isn't it?
Obscene profit is no longer enough.
The shareholders, they expect us
to show that we contribute
back to society.
Surely not at the expense
of obscene profit?
God, no. No. No. In addition to.
Which presents us with a challenge,
and you with the opportunity.
Now, David, this...
this will be your office.
Right.
I'm excited to start work.
Good. Great.
Go change the world, David.
Hey.
Oh, my God, what's happened to you?
Climbing accident at the weekend.
You're a climber?
Yeah.
Mainly the higher peaks.
Scafell Pike.
Scafell? That's a walk, isn't it?
Anyway, I'm...
I'm not allowed
to put any weight on it.
I've been signed off work
for the next couple of weeks.
So, hang on,
you've come in to work to tell us
you're not well enough
to come into work?
No, I used the doctor's downstairs.
PHONE RINGS
Excuse me.
Hello.
'Adam, your mobile is off.'
Are you still free for lunch?
Um, no, David.
It's my ankle, remember.
I have to keep it elevated.
You could use a bar stool.
Can I call you back later?
So, where were we?
I was wondering how I'm going
to cope without my head of IT.
And you were arranging
your social life. No.
PHONE RINGS
RINGING CONTINUES
'Adam, it's Laura.'
Laura, hi.
I didn't expect to hear from you.
'Can we meet?'
Look, look,
I'm gonna call you back
in just a couple of minutes, OK?
We won't hold you up. You're busy.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm going home to recuperate now.
Actually, could I...
Could I book a cab
on the company account?
Yeah.
Thanks.
JENNY CHUCKLES
Yeah, sprained not broken.
Meanwhile, Pete is probably
gonna get hypothermia.
Mum, are you listening?
I've got a bit of an earwig.
You what?
I can't...
Mum? Mum?
Mum, are you...? OK.
ALARM
Oh, Jesus.
Nurse.
Hello, Nurse, she just collapsed.
Her eyes went funny.
Can you hear me, Barbara? I'm just
gonna shine a light in your eyes.
Can you hear us, Barbara?
Her pupils are fixed and dilated.
I'm just gonna lean you back,
Barbara, OK?
Barbara,
I'm going to listen to your chest.
Mum?
Barbara?
CLINKING FROM KITCHEN
I was trying to be
as quiet as a mouse.
I know you don't like
to be disturbed.
You're welcome to pop in
for a chat, you know, Mum.
Really?
Bit my head off last time I did.
Overreacted.
A little.
I was so upset, you know,
when I thought you were dying.
Well, I should hope so.
Not as upset as Jenny was, though,
when she found out it was Barbara.
Oh, that's Jenny for you.
Histrionic.
I've never been comfortable
with overt displays of emotion.
Or affection.
Don't see the point myself.
But if it would
make you feel better,
start by being a bit nicer to me.
BEEPING
Say something to her, eh.
Why?
Well, she might be able to hear you.
I love you, Grandma.
I don't want you to die.
Maybe not that.
PHONE BUZZES
JENNY SIGHS
Pete, have you got her yet?
'We're on our way, Jenny.'
Is Mum still with you?
Yeah, yeah, she is.
Look, I think you should
talk to her now, Sheila.
Just in case.
Hang on.
Mum.
It's Sheila.
'I'm coming.
'All right.
'Just...
'hang on in there.
Thank you.
Er, change.
Oh, keep it.
Charity?
Delivery charge.
I'm glad you called.
I hadn't intended to.
I'm sorry I ran off the other night.
I shouldn't have.
No. I...
I threw you in at the deep end.
Is that why you're here?
To apologise?
No.
Why does Matt want to see me?
I didn't know he did.
Oh.
Well, he rang me at work
and I'm meeting up with him tonight.
Hmm.
I'm so sorry, Sheila.
She's... She's gone.
You can go in if you want.
I'm so sorry.
I know.
Shame, eh?
Mm.
No.
I'm OK.
I'll be OK.
# Babe, you're so special... #
You do know
your three o'clock is here?
My what? Appointment.
Don't you check your diary?
There's nothing in it.
Uh-uh, wrong.
Mr Marsden. Rosemary Marshall.
Ms Marshall, yes, of course.
Let me find you a chair.
Roger.
Who is she?
I'm not your PA, David.
She's your three o'clock.
Appointment.
Well, obviously.
Why is she here?
To interview you
for a business magazine,
about what you do.
I don't do anything yet.
Then it shouldn't take you too long,
should it?
Good luck.
Shalimar.
I bought her a bottle
every year for her birthday.
Oh, I can't sleep in her room.
You can have my bed, Auntie Sheila.
I'll be all right on the couch.
Ah, thanks, love.
Do you remember her last words?
"I've got a bit of an earwig."
I think she meant "headache".
Well, as last words go, I do feel
"earwig" is the more memorable.
Was it very sudden?
Yeah. Yeah, it was.
Well, sort of.
She'd been in hospital
since the weekend.
But we thought
she was gonna get better.
She wouldn't let me call you.
Said that she didn't want
to worry you.
And I wish I had now obviously.
Well, that was Mum, wasn't it?
Always putting others first.
You mustn't blame yourself, Jen.
My role within the bank
is to think outside the box.
To build a consensus,
so that we can shift the needle
of social accountability.
And...
And it's all bollocks, isn't it?
I'm sorry?
Meaningless buzzwords.
Corporate claptrap.
Well, it's perfect. I'm thinking
about this for the cover.
God, that's depressing.
Well, what would you like
to talk about?
I don't know.
I suppose it's that...
success needn't be
just about profits.
There must be other ways
of measuring it.
I'll give you a story.
Last week, I climbed Scafell Pike
with a couple of friends.
We didn't reach the top.
In fact, we nearly died.
But I feel that what we gained
was so much more
than if we had reached the summit.
If you see what I mean.
Do you remember those dinner parties
you used to throw, Mum?
I used to love
helping you with those.
I was a great entertainer.
My fondue nights were legendary.
What's fondue?
Melted cheese on lumps of bread.
Eurgh, that sounds disgusting.
It was. Perfect for me,
cos I couldn't cook.
You should do one here.
You could help me.
I think I could still cut bread.
Great.
PHONE RINGS
Jen?
Everything all right?
You shouldn't overtrain.
You'll injure yourself.
Says the man on crutches.
Somebody rang for you, a woman.
Amelia?
Amber.
I said you were at the gym.
What?
She said she'd call back.
Just say it's rehab.
Barbara's died.
Morning.
How did you sleep?
I don't know
if it's jetlag or grief.
Probably both.
Still, I put the time to good use.
I've planned her funeral.
I beg your pardon?
I thought we'd start with
'The Lord Is My Shepherd'.
Such a beautiful hymn.
Put you down for a reading.
I'll do the eulogy.
Obviously, elder sister.
But she always wanted Frank Sinatra.
Did he record
'The Lord Is My Shepherd'?
It's all a bit religious,
this, isn't it?
Well, of course it is.
But she wasn't religious.
She was!
She went to church
every week without fail,
all the years we lived together.
For you.
She didn't want to upset you.
When she moved here,
she always said
the best thing about Sundays
were her lie-ins.
She didn't go near church.
The Reverend O'Hara will preside.
Mum loved her sermons.
No, no.
We're gonna sit down and agree
a funeral service together.
Fine.
Then I propose we start with
'The Lord Is My Shepherd'.
Right, next. Readings?
She is a nightmare.
Total control freak.
Not like you at all.
I hate it when the bits of bread
get stuck in the bottom.
As the actress said to the bishop.
More wine, David?
Thank you, Heather.
I wasn't allowed
to put any in the fondue.
In my day,
it was the main ingredient.
No wonder your parties
were such a hit, eh?
Maybe that's got something to do
with the hostess. Creep.
You could learn a thing or two.
And that is how you do it.
..sake.
I really loved your mum.
You were so close, weren't you?
That's how I hoped
to be with my girls.
It inspired me to make more of
an effort with my mum, you know.
Well, looks like
it's going pretty well.
Yeah.
Tonight's been really special.
Reminded me of when I was little.
LAUGHTER
She was always so glamorous.
Poised.
Sophisticated.
I just wanted to be her.
Oh, God.
My mum was never poised.
She was a laugh though, to be fair.
She used to play with us
in the garden.
And we had
this huge blackberry bush.
Jenny, don't eat them all.
It'll make you sick.
And fat.
Sheila was a right old bag,
even then.
Jen, she wasn't
with your mum at the end.
Maybe this funeral
is a chance for her to say goodbye.
Get some closure.
A toast, I think.
Oh, yeah?
To Barbara.
Barbara.
Barbara.
Aw, to you, Mum.
Go on, go on, go on. Go up, yeah.
Got it. Yeah.
I'll go up five K for the last set.
How much
were you benching last week?
About half that.
Bloody hell.
Oh, Matty.
"Matty?"
So... did you have a good time
the other night?
The other night?
Yeah.
You went out with someone.
You didn't say who.
Oh, yeah, nobody.
Liv.
Really?
Olivia?
Yes.
Are you going to spot me or what?
Yeah, yeah. Ready?
Up.
It's yours.
MATT EXHALES
Jesus.
We can do the funeral service
the way you want, OK.
What's brought this on?
Mum just wouldn't want us
scrapping over it, that's all.
Well, thank you.
I've had a few estimates.
I think this is the best.
Blimey.
Ooh.
Not cheap, is it?
But your mum will pay, I suppose.
Well, ultimately, but her account
is frozen
until probate is completed.
And we have to pay upfront.
I thought we could go halves.
We've got enough in
our savings account, haven't we?
Mm.
The Reverend O'Hara
has agreed to officiate.
Great.
Look, I have got one request.
I want to carry Mum's coffin.
You?
Well, not on my own, obviously.
That's not a woman's role.
Oh, for God's sakes.
Pete, tell her.
I knew you'd have to make it
about you.
What is that supposed to mean?
You've always been jealous
of my relationship with Mum.
Rubbish.
That's why you kept it from me
that she was dying.
What? No, I didn't.
It just happened.
I don't believe
she didn't want you to call me.
Now, Sheila, come on.
You didn't want me there.
You poisonous old cow!
Jen, please. And she thought
you were a waste of space.
Rued the day she ever married you.
Ah! This is MY house!
Get out!
Oh, don't worry, I'm off.
Maureen said I can stay with her.
She understands Christian values.
Amen!
Do we still have to pay half?
Pete.
It's Sandra.
We were on jury service together.
Sandra, so sorry.
I was miles away.
Yeah, you look like
you lost a pound and found a penny.
Well, I've lost the pound
and I've not found anything.
Oh, dear.
Do you...
Do you want to talk about it?
I quite fancy a coffee.
OK. Great.
Great.
Well, if it isn't
Sir Edmund Marsden.
What's your next expedition?
North face of the Arndale?
Eh?
You're quite
the poster boy around here.
Blimey.
"Middle management
is mostly mediocre."
It's good alliteration, David.
"But that's what you get
when you reward..."
Did you really say that?
I didn't think she'd use it.
I was just sounding off.
In that working-class accent
of yours.
"Positive discrimination
is the only way to address
"the imbalance of opportunity."
I'm sure our white,
Old Etonian board will love that.
Oh, David. I've just been
with the board of directors.
Well, it won't take you long
to clear your desk.
They couldn't be more thrilled.
What?
Oh, for Christ's sake.
It's just the kind of message
we need to project.
They're going
to diversify the board?
Yeah. It'll be tokenism.
One appointment.
But I think there's a fair chance
it might be me.
You're unbelievable, you know that?
Yeah, it's illegal to withdraw money
after someone's died.
You know more about it than I did.
Needs must. My husband died at 46.
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
And here's me banging on.
Well, the sun still rises and sets.
So, you haven't got the money?
Well, I did,
but I gave it to charity.
See, me and friends
were fundraising,
but they raised more than me,
and I hate coming last.
Despite the practice.
So, how much did you put in?
500 quid.
Blimey, pride doesn't come cheap.
Oh, I know, what a mug, eh?
And I thought I could pay it back
without Jenny noticing.
She's gonna kill me
when she finds out.
Yeah.
SHE SIGHS
Oh, for goodness' sake, Matt.
Here you are.
Oh, look, really, Sandra, I can't.
I'm not giving it to you.
It's a loan.
Well, even so,
if I paid you back,
it would only be in dribs and drabs.
That doesn't matter.
It would just be sitting there
earning bugger-all interest.
Pete, we're in
the middle of Manchester.
Take it before we get mugged.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Could it be insulin?
He's not diabetic.
No, I know.
I'm clutching at straws.
He's smoked weed in the past.
Oh, so now he's graduated to heroin?
No, that's not Matt.
Where would he get it from?
Oh, fuck. Laura.
Laura?
Her ex is a drug dealer.
Hiya.
All right?
Why have you been
going through my stuff?
Forget that, Matt.
How long have you been on it?
I've only just started.
So it was Laura who gave it to you?
Laura?
Do you know anyone else
who can get their hands on heroin?
That's not heroin.
What is it then, Matt?
Anabolic steroids.
You've been injecting steroids?
Steroids?
It's just to help me gain muscle.
I'm tiny.
Are you worried about Liv?
She keeps going on
about Toby from Robin's chamber.
You know,
how fit he is, he plays rugby.
So I thought if I bulk up a bit,
she might not look at him.
What about using this stuff?
It turns your balls into walnuts!
What, and Laura
is peddling this stuff?
No, I got it
from some guy at the gym.
Why do you keep going on
about Laura? Because you met her.
MATT SIGHS
Why?
I wanted to ask her about Mum.
Look, Laura is the only one
that knew her as Mum.
I didn't.
And what did she say?
It was 20 years ago, Matt.
Anything.
OK...
I stayed with
your mum and dad one weekend.
A practice run.
And your mum told me a story.
The Little Prince.
And she curled a lock of my hair...
..round her finger
I fought against falling asleep.
Because I didn't want it
to ever stop.
MATT SNIVELS
Thanks.
I can just imagine Rache doing that.
Oh, Matt, son.
Come here.
I love you.
See this stuff?
You get off this right away.
Yep.
I thought that might go best
with your black skirt.
For Barbara's funeral.
Yes, I'm not going.
When you reach my age,
funerals aren't much fun.
They are not a barrel
of laughs for anyone, are they?
It's a bit too close to home.
Speaking of which, Carlos
and his German tourist are no more.
He's seen sense.
Well, she's gone back to Bonn.
And he's begged me to return.
And you're gonna go? Well, there's
a cheap flight tomorrow morning.
Is that why you want
to skip Barbara's funeral?
This is the last seat at this price.
Well, what about us?
What do you mean?
Well, we've been getting on so well.
I mean, what about dinner
the other night?
The fondue?
I thought we were finding our way
to some kind of reconciliation.
Oh, darling,
that's just psychobabble.
The sort of rubbish you find in
those self-help books you publish.
I don't publish self-help.
One evening of melted cheese
doesn't change anything.
We are fine.
I love you. Always have.
But I've got a life of my own.
This is the last seat at this price.
Please don't go.
Do you ever think you could have
been a better mother?
I know I do.
You're a perfectly good mother.
You could loosen up a bit.
I've told you that.
And I was, too.
I mean, I must've been.
Look at the way you've turned out.
I might have a cup of tea
if you're making one.
BREAKING GLASS DOWNSTAIRS
FLOORBOARDS CREAKING
DOOR BANGS
Hello?
I know someone is in here!
I warn you.
I'm an exponent of Jeet Kune Do.
MAN: David?
Hai!
Get out! Get out!
David!
I warn you!
What did you say?
David.
Shit, Robbie!
Oh, Christ,
you frightened the life out of me.
What are you doing?
I suppose that's self-explanatory.
You're stealing from me?
I didn't know this was your place.
Until just now.
Oh.
Was it when I said, "Jeet Kune Do"?
Actually, it was "exponent"
that tipped me off.
Ah.
Honestly, if I'd have known,
I'd have gone three doors down.
Slim pickings there.
Well, you're not much better.
The till?
Oh, Robbie, you old-fashioned lag.
It's mostly contactless now.
Well, since you're here,
cup of coffee? On the house.
You're not gonna call the dibs?
What, grass you up?
Thanks, David.
So, panel beating business
not going too well?
No.
I've had a few bumps along the way.
I bet you have.
It's tough out there at our age.
Still, you're doing all right.
Oh, my daughter runs this place.
I've just got a new job.
It's... an investment bank.
I made a bit of a mess
of your back door.
I'll drop by in the morning
and fix it.
Oh, thanks.
Cake?
Great.
You want an assistant?
But you don't do anything.
You've noticed that, have you?
Well, you're not meant to,
but you do it extremely well.
I mean, the board are still
buzzing about your interview.
Well, they'll love the follow-up,
when I whistleblow that this firm
has no real interest in diversity.
What?
So, what I want is a budget
which allows me to draw up proposals
on how to make the bank
more egalitarian.
Er...
And I know the perfect candidate.
He's done lots of jobs in banks.
Robbed loads of them.
You can't bring a bank robber
to a bank, David.
Oh, don't worry,
he wasn't very good at it.
Got away with just a fraction
of what people here
fiddled on expenses.
Well, he's done his time.
And think of the PR value.
It's a story of second chances,
of redemption.
Of the caring face of capitalism.
BELL RINGS
You OK?
I can't do it.
What?
I can't carry her.
No-one asked me.
They just assumed...
I can't do it.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't worry.
What would your gran say?
She can't say anything.
She's in that box.
She'd say... "Let me out."
She'd say, "Son,
"I know you love me.
"You've got nothing to prove."
Here, take this.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
You look after your sister.
Thank you.
He's all right.
Yeah.
The steadfast love of the Lord
never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning.
Great is his faithfulness.
Blessed are those who mourn.
ORGAN PLAYS
For they will be comforted.
# The Lord is my shepherd
# I'll not want
# He makes me down to lie
# In pastures green
# He leadeth me
# The quiet waters by. #
My mum was born into
a family of six kids.
She never had much, growing up.
And neither did we.
But her marriage
to our lovely dad, Bernard,
was a happy one.
Summers were her favourite time.
Six whole weeks
of picnics,
trips to Southport with my dad...
This looks really sharp.
It looks super with your tie.
Thank you.
You look gorgeous.
Mummy. Mummy.
Not now, darling.
It's Mummy's grown-up time.
But, Mummy...
If you don't leave me alone,
you'll go to your room!
Sorry about that.
SHEILA: 'Camping in the garden.'
Rainy day baking.
The four of us together.
Are you OK? You all right?
We've got this, yeah.
Erm...
My mum was...
Look, she was a good mum.
Basically.
Which is harder to achieve
than I'd reckoned on.
Sorry, guys.
Last year, as some of you know,
I was diagnosed with cancer.
She said that no mother
should have to
go to her own child's funeral.
That she really wanted to die first.
Well, Barbara,
as usual, you got your own way.
But, honestly,
Mum, thanks for that.
And...
thanks for the endless cups of tea,
and the endless love.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm really gonna miss you, Mum.
You all right? OK.
Hey.
Hello.
You here with your mum?
No, Jen,
she didn't feel up to it, but...
..she sent her condolences. Sorry.
It was lovely
what you said up there, Jen.
It really made me think.
I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
Ta.
MUSIC: 'Something'
by Frank Sinatra
Can we visit Portmeirion?
Where you scattered Mum's ashes.
I hadn't forgotten.
You know, cos I've never been.
I'd like to go.
I'd like to take you.
Here, let me do that.
I'm sorry we fell out, sis.
It's been a stressful time.
Does that mean you're sorry an' all?
I'm sure we both are.
Oh, stay tonight, will you?
Really?
Because, between you and me,
Maureen is a nightmare.
Completely inconsiderate of others.
Mum... can I have a word?
Yeah.
I'm sorry...
if I haven't been
very considerate lately.
Moving out to Robin's.
If I'd known you weren't going
to uni, I'd have never allowed it.
Mum, I hadn't thought about it
from your point of view.
And...
..now that my room is free,
I think I'd quite like to come home.
And you know, you...
you are still my best friend.
And Ellie is too.
Well, not best.
PHONE RINGS
Hello.
Hiya, Pete, it's Sandra.
'Oh, hi, how are you?'
Yeah.
I was ringing
to check if you're all right.
I'll just take this
in the other room.
Work.
'Back in a minute, love.'
Hello. Sandra?
Did you just tell your wife
that I'm "work"?
Well...
I don't want her asking
any questions... about the money.
Yeah. So... are you all right?
'Yes.'
You saved my bacon.
Thank you.
You've said thank you already.
Well, look, if there's anything
I can do for you...
Well, as it happens,
I've just bought a new TV.
One of those smart ones.
Turns out
it's a lot smarter than me.
I can't find any channels.
'Oh, I'm sure I can help with that.'
I thought you were avoiding me.
What gives you that idea?
The three phone calls
you didn't return.
Matt told me about your meeting.
That was lovely
what you said to him about Rachel.
I made it up.
I don't remember her that well.
It seemed like the sort of thing
I would want to hear if I was him.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
I love the fact
that you two are becoming friends.
No, he asked to see me, that's it.
Yeah, but you will become friends,
the more you come round for dinner.
I'm not coming again.
I'm sorry, Adam,
I just don't see the point.
The point?
Well, it's us, isn't it?
You know, putting right
what went wrong all those years ago.
You can't fix my life...
any more
than you can bring Rachel back.
I'm not trying to fix your life.
What happened, happened.
I am glad to know
you weren't turning your back on me.
But you turning up now,
that doesn't do away with
all the years
that I was in foster care.
The stepdads who wanted more.
Laura...
I know you feel bad about that.
It's something
you've got to live with.
I am not gonna make you
feel better about it.
I'm too busy looking after myself.
Yeah, but Laura...
Adam.
I don't want you in my life.
Maybe it's a test.
Maybe she wants me to fight for her.
And not give her up
like we did all those years ago.
Not everyone needs rescuing, Adam.
MUSIC: 'Recover'
by Bill Ryder-Jones
# The silence is killing me
# You came to me for cover
# And I let you down... #
Ta-da! There you go. 30 channels.
Great.
And there's still nothing on.
Thanks, Pete.
Cup of tea?
Oh, no, sorry, I can't stop.
Really?
I was hoping you might.
Why, have you got
some more jobs that need doing?
No, I could have programmed
the TV myself
if I hadn't needed a pretext.
Pete, I'm not looking
for any commitment.
You've got your life.
And I've got mine.
Thanks for coming in.
Och, it was no bother.
Well, obviously it was.
But not much,
judging by your recent behaviour.
Huh?
What the f...? You had me followed?
Socialising in a cafe.
Working out at the gym.
Even carrying a coffin at a funeral.
Wait, hang on, that was painful.
I shouldn't have done it,
to be truthful.
Not if you hoped to keep your job.
I suspected you were skiving.
And this is proof.
Hang on, hang on,
I can explain all this.
Notice of your termination
with immediate effect. What?
And I'd advise you
to accept the terms.
They're preferable...
to being sued for fraud.
by Michael Kiwanuka
Sorry. It must be horrible.
# Standing now
# Calling all the people
Here to see the show
# Calling for my demons
Now to let... #
I thought it was you.
Me?
That's what they told me.
I thought you were dying.
Oh, that must have been
awful for you.
Worse for me.
Worse for Barbara.
Yeah.
A cerebral what?
A cerebral aneurysm.
We were told it was a stroke.
It's more of a brain bleed.
She's going to be all right, though,
isn't she?
She is still here, you know.
I keeled over on the dance floor.
Heather thought I was pie-eyed.
Pot calling kettle.
I think I should call our Sheila,
Mum.
Oh, no, don't do that.
Shh.
There's no need. Tell them, Doctor.
We'll be monitoring you
very closely, Barbara.
In some people,
there's a small chance
of a recurrent bleed.
The first 48 hours are critical.
I think Sheila
would want to know, Mum.
Oh, I'm sure she would.
There's nothing she likes more
than a hospital drama.
But this isn't one.
Leave it, love.
Jane, I am so sorry. How is she?
She's gonna be OK.
See for yourself in a minute.
What, are they doing tests?
No, she's putting her lippy on.
Hang on.
She's ready to receive her public.
Oh, you had me so worried, Barbara.
I've been beside myself.
You look wonderful.
You really do.
Do you want a hand?
No, I have to learn.
You can lend a hand with the bags.
What happened to you?
Sprained ankle.
Seriously?
Yes, seriously sprained.
Practically broken.
SHE CHUCKLES
Ooh, aren't you strong?
That's going to my gym, that is.
How are we going to get there now,
boss?
I can still work on my upper body,
so we'll Uber it.
Liv, you're back?
Just last night.
While you were away.
Hello, darling.
Grandma.
I'm spending the day in court.
Watching Toby in action.
Who's Toby?
Liv's friend.
Colleague. He's Robin's junior.
I should go.
I'll walk you to the tram.
No, it's fine.
Hey, come for dinner sometime.
Liv. Wait up.
David.
Deborah.
Welcome. I'm so glad
you decided to join us.
It's a chance to make a difference.
Yeah.
You do know what it is
we do here at the bank?
It's the usual investment advice.
Bonds, gilts, equities.
We print money.
Any fool could do it.
But society is changing. Isn't it?
Obscene profit is no longer enough.
The shareholders, they expect us
to show that we contribute
back to society.
Surely not at the expense
of obscene profit?
God, no. No. No. In addition to.
Which presents us with a challenge,
and you with the opportunity.
Now, David, this...
this will be your office.
Right.
I'm excited to start work.
Good. Great.
Go change the world, David.
Hey.
Oh, my God, what's happened to you?
Climbing accident at the weekend.
You're a climber?
Yeah.
Mainly the higher peaks.
Scafell Pike.
Scafell? That's a walk, isn't it?
Anyway, I'm...
I'm not allowed
to put any weight on it.
I've been signed off work
for the next couple of weeks.
So, hang on,
you've come in to work to tell us
you're not well enough
to come into work?
No, I used the doctor's downstairs.
PHONE RINGS
Excuse me.
Hello.
'Adam, your mobile is off.'
Are you still free for lunch?
Um, no, David.
It's my ankle, remember.
I have to keep it elevated.
You could use a bar stool.
Can I call you back later?
So, where were we?
I was wondering how I'm going
to cope without my head of IT.
And you were arranging
your social life. No.
PHONE RINGS
RINGING CONTINUES
'Adam, it's Laura.'
Laura, hi.
I didn't expect to hear from you.
'Can we meet?'
Look, look,
I'm gonna call you back
in just a couple of minutes, OK?
We won't hold you up. You're busy.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm going home to recuperate now.
Actually, could I...
Could I book a cab
on the company account?
Yeah.
Thanks.
JENNY CHUCKLES
Yeah, sprained not broken.
Meanwhile, Pete is probably
gonna get hypothermia.
Mum, are you listening?
I've got a bit of an earwig.
You what?
I can't...
Mum? Mum?
Mum, are you...? OK.
ALARM
Oh, Jesus.
Nurse.
Hello, Nurse, she just collapsed.
Her eyes went funny.
Can you hear me, Barbara? I'm just
gonna shine a light in your eyes.
Can you hear us, Barbara?
Her pupils are fixed and dilated.
I'm just gonna lean you back,
Barbara, OK?
Barbara,
I'm going to listen to your chest.
Mum?
Barbara?
CLINKING FROM KITCHEN
I was trying to be
as quiet as a mouse.
I know you don't like
to be disturbed.
You're welcome to pop in
for a chat, you know, Mum.
Really?
Bit my head off last time I did.
Overreacted.
A little.
I was so upset, you know,
when I thought you were dying.
Well, I should hope so.
Not as upset as Jenny was, though,
when she found out it was Barbara.
Oh, that's Jenny for you.
Histrionic.
I've never been comfortable
with overt displays of emotion.
Or affection.
Don't see the point myself.
But if it would
make you feel better,
start by being a bit nicer to me.
BEEPING
Say something to her, eh.
Why?
Well, she might be able to hear you.
I love you, Grandma.
I don't want you to die.
Maybe not that.
PHONE BUZZES
JENNY SIGHS
Pete, have you got her yet?
'We're on our way, Jenny.'
Is Mum still with you?
Yeah, yeah, she is.
Look, I think you should
talk to her now, Sheila.
Just in case.
Hang on.
Mum.
It's Sheila.
'I'm coming.
'All right.
'Just...
'hang on in there.
Thank you.
Er, change.
Oh, keep it.
Charity?
Delivery charge.
I'm glad you called.
I hadn't intended to.
I'm sorry I ran off the other night.
I shouldn't have.
No. I...
I threw you in at the deep end.
Is that why you're here?
To apologise?
No.
Why does Matt want to see me?
I didn't know he did.
Oh.
Well, he rang me at work
and I'm meeting up with him tonight.
Hmm.
I'm so sorry, Sheila.
She's... She's gone.
You can go in if you want.
I'm so sorry.
I know.
Shame, eh?
Mm.
No.
I'm OK.
I'll be OK.
# Babe, you're so special... #
You do know
your three o'clock is here?
My what? Appointment.
Don't you check your diary?
There's nothing in it.
Uh-uh, wrong.
Mr Marsden. Rosemary Marshall.
Ms Marshall, yes, of course.
Let me find you a chair.
Roger.
Who is she?
I'm not your PA, David.
She's your three o'clock.
Appointment.
Well, obviously.
Why is she here?
To interview you
for a business magazine,
about what you do.
I don't do anything yet.
Then it shouldn't take you too long,
should it?
Good luck.
Shalimar.
I bought her a bottle
every year for her birthday.
Oh, I can't sleep in her room.
You can have my bed, Auntie Sheila.
I'll be all right on the couch.
Ah, thanks, love.
Do you remember her last words?
"I've got a bit of an earwig."
I think she meant "headache".
Well, as last words go, I do feel
"earwig" is the more memorable.
Was it very sudden?
Yeah. Yeah, it was.
Well, sort of.
She'd been in hospital
since the weekend.
But we thought
she was gonna get better.
She wouldn't let me call you.
Said that she didn't want
to worry you.
And I wish I had now obviously.
Well, that was Mum, wasn't it?
Always putting others first.
You mustn't blame yourself, Jen.
My role within the bank
is to think outside the box.
To build a consensus,
so that we can shift the needle
of social accountability.
And...
And it's all bollocks, isn't it?
I'm sorry?
Meaningless buzzwords.
Corporate claptrap.
Well, it's perfect. I'm thinking
about this for the cover.
God, that's depressing.
Well, what would you like
to talk about?
I don't know.
I suppose it's that...
success needn't be
just about profits.
There must be other ways
of measuring it.
I'll give you a story.
Last week, I climbed Scafell Pike
with a couple of friends.
We didn't reach the top.
In fact, we nearly died.
But I feel that what we gained
was so much more
than if we had reached the summit.
If you see what I mean.
Do you remember those dinner parties
you used to throw, Mum?
I used to love
helping you with those.
I was a great entertainer.
My fondue nights were legendary.
What's fondue?
Melted cheese on lumps of bread.
Eurgh, that sounds disgusting.
It was. Perfect for me,
cos I couldn't cook.
You should do one here.
You could help me.
I think I could still cut bread.
Great.
PHONE RINGS
Jen?
Everything all right?
You shouldn't overtrain.
You'll injure yourself.
Says the man on crutches.
Somebody rang for you, a woman.
Amelia?
Amber.
I said you were at the gym.
What?
She said she'd call back.
Just say it's rehab.
Barbara's died.
Morning.
How did you sleep?
I don't know
if it's jetlag or grief.
Probably both.
Still, I put the time to good use.
I've planned her funeral.
I beg your pardon?
I thought we'd start with
'The Lord Is My Shepherd'.
Such a beautiful hymn.
Put you down for a reading.
I'll do the eulogy.
Obviously, elder sister.
But she always wanted Frank Sinatra.
Did he record
'The Lord Is My Shepherd'?
It's all a bit religious,
this, isn't it?
Well, of course it is.
But she wasn't religious.
She was!
She went to church
every week without fail,
all the years we lived together.
For you.
She didn't want to upset you.
When she moved here,
she always said
the best thing about Sundays
were her lie-ins.
She didn't go near church.
The Reverend O'Hara will preside.
Mum loved her sermons.
No, no.
We're gonna sit down and agree
a funeral service together.
Fine.
Then I propose we start with
'The Lord Is My Shepherd'.
Right, next. Readings?
She is a nightmare.
Total control freak.
Not like you at all.
I hate it when the bits of bread
get stuck in the bottom.
As the actress said to the bishop.
More wine, David?
Thank you, Heather.
I wasn't allowed
to put any in the fondue.
In my day,
it was the main ingredient.
No wonder your parties
were such a hit, eh?
Maybe that's got something to do
with the hostess. Creep.
You could learn a thing or two.
And that is how you do it.
..sake.
I really loved your mum.
You were so close, weren't you?
That's how I hoped
to be with my girls.
It inspired me to make more of
an effort with my mum, you know.
Well, looks like
it's going pretty well.
Yeah.
Tonight's been really special.
Reminded me of when I was little.
LAUGHTER
She was always so glamorous.
Poised.
Sophisticated.
I just wanted to be her.
Oh, God.
My mum was never poised.
She was a laugh though, to be fair.
She used to play with us
in the garden.
And we had
this huge blackberry bush.
Jenny, don't eat them all.
It'll make you sick.
And fat.
Sheila was a right old bag,
even then.
Jen, she wasn't
with your mum at the end.
Maybe this funeral
is a chance for her to say goodbye.
Get some closure.
A toast, I think.
Oh, yeah?
To Barbara.
Barbara.
Barbara.
Aw, to you, Mum.
Go on, go on, go on. Go up, yeah.
Got it. Yeah.
I'll go up five K for the last set.
How much
were you benching last week?
About half that.
Bloody hell.
Oh, Matty.
"Matty?"
So... did you have a good time
the other night?
The other night?
Yeah.
You went out with someone.
You didn't say who.
Oh, yeah, nobody.
Liv.
Really?
Olivia?
Yes.
Are you going to spot me or what?
Yeah, yeah. Ready?
Up.
It's yours.
MATT EXHALES
Jesus.
We can do the funeral service
the way you want, OK.
What's brought this on?
Mum just wouldn't want us
scrapping over it, that's all.
Well, thank you.
I've had a few estimates.
I think this is the best.
Blimey.
Ooh.
Not cheap, is it?
But your mum will pay, I suppose.
Well, ultimately, but her account
is frozen
until probate is completed.
And we have to pay upfront.
I thought we could go halves.
We've got enough in
our savings account, haven't we?
Mm.
The Reverend O'Hara
has agreed to officiate.
Great.
Look, I have got one request.
I want to carry Mum's coffin.
You?
Well, not on my own, obviously.
That's not a woman's role.
Oh, for God's sakes.
Pete, tell her.
I knew you'd have to make it
about you.
What is that supposed to mean?
You've always been jealous
of my relationship with Mum.
Rubbish.
That's why you kept it from me
that she was dying.
What? No, I didn't.
It just happened.
I don't believe
she didn't want you to call me.
Now, Sheila, come on.
You didn't want me there.
You poisonous old cow!
Jen, please. And she thought
you were a waste of space.
Rued the day she ever married you.
Ah! This is MY house!
Get out!
Oh, don't worry, I'm off.
Maureen said I can stay with her.
She understands Christian values.
Amen!
Do we still have to pay half?
Pete.
It's Sandra.
We were on jury service together.
Sandra, so sorry.
I was miles away.
Yeah, you look like
you lost a pound and found a penny.
Well, I've lost the pound
and I've not found anything.
Oh, dear.
Do you...
Do you want to talk about it?
I quite fancy a coffee.
OK. Great.
Great.
Well, if it isn't
Sir Edmund Marsden.
What's your next expedition?
North face of the Arndale?
Eh?
You're quite
the poster boy around here.
Blimey.
"Middle management
is mostly mediocre."
It's good alliteration, David.
"But that's what you get
when you reward..."
Did you really say that?
I didn't think she'd use it.
I was just sounding off.
In that working-class accent
of yours.
"Positive discrimination
is the only way to address
"the imbalance of opportunity."
I'm sure our white,
Old Etonian board will love that.
Oh, David. I've just been
with the board of directors.
Well, it won't take you long
to clear your desk.
They couldn't be more thrilled.
What?
Oh, for Christ's sake.
It's just the kind of message
we need to project.
They're going
to diversify the board?
Yeah. It'll be tokenism.
One appointment.
But I think there's a fair chance
it might be me.
You're unbelievable, you know that?
Yeah, it's illegal to withdraw money
after someone's died.
You know more about it than I did.
Needs must. My husband died at 46.
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
And here's me banging on.
Well, the sun still rises and sets.
So, you haven't got the money?
Well, I did,
but I gave it to charity.
See, me and friends
were fundraising,
but they raised more than me,
and I hate coming last.
Despite the practice.
So, how much did you put in?
500 quid.
Blimey, pride doesn't come cheap.
Oh, I know, what a mug, eh?
And I thought I could pay it back
without Jenny noticing.
She's gonna kill me
when she finds out.
Yeah.
SHE SIGHS
Oh, for goodness' sake, Matt.
Here you are.
Oh, look, really, Sandra, I can't.
I'm not giving it to you.
It's a loan.
Well, even so,
if I paid you back,
it would only be in dribs and drabs.
That doesn't matter.
It would just be sitting there
earning bugger-all interest.
Pete, we're in
the middle of Manchester.
Take it before we get mugged.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Could it be insulin?
He's not diabetic.
No, I know.
I'm clutching at straws.
He's smoked weed in the past.
Oh, so now he's graduated to heroin?
No, that's not Matt.
Where would he get it from?
Oh, fuck. Laura.
Laura?
Her ex is a drug dealer.
Hiya.
All right?
Why have you been
going through my stuff?
Forget that, Matt.
How long have you been on it?
I've only just started.
So it was Laura who gave it to you?
Laura?
Do you know anyone else
who can get their hands on heroin?
That's not heroin.
What is it then, Matt?
Anabolic steroids.
You've been injecting steroids?
Steroids?
It's just to help me gain muscle.
I'm tiny.
Are you worried about Liv?
She keeps going on
about Toby from Robin's chamber.
You know,
how fit he is, he plays rugby.
So I thought if I bulk up a bit,
she might not look at him.
What about using this stuff?
It turns your balls into walnuts!
What, and Laura
is peddling this stuff?
No, I got it
from some guy at the gym.
Why do you keep going on
about Laura? Because you met her.
MATT SIGHS
Why?
I wanted to ask her about Mum.
Look, Laura is the only one
that knew her as Mum.
I didn't.
And what did she say?
It was 20 years ago, Matt.
Anything.
OK...
I stayed with
your mum and dad one weekend.
A practice run.
And your mum told me a story.
The Little Prince.
And she curled a lock of my hair...
..round her finger
I fought against falling asleep.
Because I didn't want it
to ever stop.
MATT SNIVELS
Thanks.
I can just imagine Rache doing that.
Oh, Matt, son.
Come here.
I love you.
See this stuff?
You get off this right away.
Yep.
I thought that might go best
with your black skirt.
For Barbara's funeral.
Yes, I'm not going.
When you reach my age,
funerals aren't much fun.
They are not a barrel
of laughs for anyone, are they?
It's a bit too close to home.
Speaking of which, Carlos
and his German tourist are no more.
He's seen sense.
Well, she's gone back to Bonn.
And he's begged me to return.
And you're gonna go? Well, there's
a cheap flight tomorrow morning.
Is that why you want
to skip Barbara's funeral?
This is the last seat at this price.
Well, what about us?
What do you mean?
Well, we've been getting on so well.
I mean, what about dinner
the other night?
The fondue?
I thought we were finding our way
to some kind of reconciliation.
Oh, darling,
that's just psychobabble.
The sort of rubbish you find in
those self-help books you publish.
I don't publish self-help.
One evening of melted cheese
doesn't change anything.
We are fine.
I love you. Always have.
But I've got a life of my own.
This is the last seat at this price.
Please don't go.
Do you ever think you could have
been a better mother?
I know I do.
You're a perfectly good mother.
You could loosen up a bit.
I've told you that.
And I was, too.
I mean, I must've been.
Look at the way you've turned out.
I might have a cup of tea
if you're making one.
BREAKING GLASS DOWNSTAIRS
FLOORBOARDS CREAKING
DOOR BANGS
Hello?
I know someone is in here!
I warn you.
I'm an exponent of Jeet Kune Do.
MAN: David?
Hai!
Get out! Get out!
David!
I warn you!
What did you say?
David.
Shit, Robbie!
Oh, Christ,
you frightened the life out of me.
What are you doing?
I suppose that's self-explanatory.
You're stealing from me?
I didn't know this was your place.
Until just now.
Oh.
Was it when I said, "Jeet Kune Do"?
Actually, it was "exponent"
that tipped me off.
Ah.
Honestly, if I'd have known,
I'd have gone three doors down.
Slim pickings there.
Well, you're not much better.
The till?
Oh, Robbie, you old-fashioned lag.
It's mostly contactless now.
Well, since you're here,
cup of coffee? On the house.
You're not gonna call the dibs?
What, grass you up?
Thanks, David.
So, panel beating business
not going too well?
No.
I've had a few bumps along the way.
I bet you have.
It's tough out there at our age.
Still, you're doing all right.
Oh, my daughter runs this place.
I've just got a new job.
It's... an investment bank.
I made a bit of a mess
of your back door.
I'll drop by in the morning
and fix it.
Oh, thanks.
Cake?
Great.
You want an assistant?
But you don't do anything.
You've noticed that, have you?
Well, you're not meant to,
but you do it extremely well.
I mean, the board are still
buzzing about your interview.
Well, they'll love the follow-up,
when I whistleblow that this firm
has no real interest in diversity.
What?
So, what I want is a budget
which allows me to draw up proposals
on how to make the bank
more egalitarian.
Er...
And I know the perfect candidate.
He's done lots of jobs in banks.
Robbed loads of them.
You can't bring a bank robber
to a bank, David.
Oh, don't worry,
he wasn't very good at it.
Got away with just a fraction
of what people here
fiddled on expenses.
Well, he's done his time.
And think of the PR value.
It's a story of second chances,
of redemption.
Of the caring face of capitalism.
BELL RINGS
You OK?
I can't do it.
What?
I can't carry her.
No-one asked me.
They just assumed...
I can't do it.
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't worry.
What would your gran say?
She can't say anything.
She's in that box.
She'd say... "Let me out."
She'd say, "Son,
"I know you love me.
"You've got nothing to prove."
Here, take this.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
You look after your sister.
Thank you.
He's all right.
Yeah.
The steadfast love of the Lord
never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning.
Great is his faithfulness.
Blessed are those who mourn.
ORGAN PLAYS
For they will be comforted.
# The Lord is my shepherd
# I'll not want
# He makes me down to lie
# In pastures green
# He leadeth me
# The quiet waters by. #
My mum was born into
a family of six kids.
She never had much, growing up.
And neither did we.
But her marriage
to our lovely dad, Bernard,
was a happy one.
Summers were her favourite time.
Six whole weeks
of picnics,
trips to Southport with my dad...
This looks really sharp.
It looks super with your tie.
Thank you.
You look gorgeous.
Mummy. Mummy.
Not now, darling.
It's Mummy's grown-up time.
But, Mummy...
If you don't leave me alone,
you'll go to your room!
Sorry about that.
SHEILA: 'Camping in the garden.'
Rainy day baking.
The four of us together.
Are you OK? You all right?
We've got this, yeah.
Erm...
My mum was...
Look, she was a good mum.
Basically.
Which is harder to achieve
than I'd reckoned on.
Sorry, guys.
Last year, as some of you know,
I was diagnosed with cancer.
She said that no mother
should have to
go to her own child's funeral.
That she really wanted to die first.
Well, Barbara,
as usual, you got your own way.
But, honestly,
Mum, thanks for that.
And...
thanks for the endless cups of tea,
and the endless love.
I'm gonna miss you.
I'm really gonna miss you, Mum.
You all right? OK.
Hey.
Hello.
You here with your mum?
No, Jen,
she didn't feel up to it, but...
..she sent her condolences. Sorry.
It was lovely
what you said up there, Jen.
It really made me think.
I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
Ta.
MUSIC: 'Something'
by Frank Sinatra
Can we visit Portmeirion?
Where you scattered Mum's ashes.
I hadn't forgotten.
You know, cos I've never been.
I'd like to go.
I'd like to take you.
Here, let me do that.
I'm sorry we fell out, sis.
It's been a stressful time.
Does that mean you're sorry an' all?
I'm sure we both are.
Oh, stay tonight, will you?
Really?
Because, between you and me,
Maureen is a nightmare.
Completely inconsiderate of others.
Mum... can I have a word?
Yeah.
I'm sorry...
if I haven't been
very considerate lately.
Moving out to Robin's.
If I'd known you weren't going
to uni, I'd have never allowed it.
Mum, I hadn't thought about it
from your point of view.
And...
..now that my room is free,
I think I'd quite like to come home.
And you know, you...
you are still my best friend.
And Ellie is too.
Well, not best.
PHONE RINGS
Hello.
Hiya, Pete, it's Sandra.
'Oh, hi, how are you?'
Yeah.
I was ringing
to check if you're all right.
I'll just take this
in the other room.
Work.
'Back in a minute, love.'
Hello. Sandra?
Did you just tell your wife
that I'm "work"?
Well...
I don't want her asking
any questions... about the money.
Yeah. So... are you all right?
'Yes.'
You saved my bacon.
Thank you.
You've said thank you already.
Well, look, if there's anything
I can do for you...
Well, as it happens,
I've just bought a new TV.
One of those smart ones.
Turns out
it's a lot smarter than me.
I can't find any channels.
'Oh, I'm sure I can help with that.'
I thought you were avoiding me.
What gives you that idea?
The three phone calls
you didn't return.
Matt told me about your meeting.
That was lovely
what you said to him about Rachel.
I made it up.
I don't remember her that well.
It seemed like the sort of thing
I would want to hear if I was him.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
I love the fact
that you two are becoming friends.
No, he asked to see me, that's it.
Yeah, but you will become friends,
the more you come round for dinner.
I'm not coming again.
I'm sorry, Adam,
I just don't see the point.
The point?
Well, it's us, isn't it?
You know, putting right
what went wrong all those years ago.
You can't fix my life...
any more
than you can bring Rachel back.
I'm not trying to fix your life.
What happened, happened.
I am glad to know
you weren't turning your back on me.
But you turning up now,
that doesn't do away with
all the years
that I was in foster care.
The stepdads who wanted more.
Laura...
I know you feel bad about that.
It's something
you've got to live with.
I am not gonna make you
feel better about it.
I'm too busy looking after myself.
Yeah, but Laura...
Adam.
I don't want you in my life.
Maybe it's a test.
Maybe she wants me to fight for her.
And not give her up
like we did all those years ago.
Not everyone needs rescuing, Adam.
MUSIC: 'Recover'
by Bill Ryder-Jones
# The silence is killing me
# You came to me for cover
# And I let you down... #
Ta-da! There you go. 30 channels.
Great.
And there's still nothing on.
Thanks, Pete.
Cup of tea?
Oh, no, sorry, I can't stop.
Really?
I was hoping you might.
Why, have you got
some more jobs that need doing?
No, I could have programmed
the TV myself
if I hadn't needed a pretext.
Pete, I'm not looking
for any commitment.
You've got your life.
And I've got mine.
Thanks for coming in.
Och, it was no bother.
Well, obviously it was.
But not much,
judging by your recent behaviour.
Huh?
What the f...? You had me followed?
Socialising in a cafe.
Working out at the gym.
Even carrying a coffin at a funeral.
Wait, hang on, that was painful.
I shouldn't have done it,
to be truthful.
Not if you hoped to keep your job.
I suspected you were skiving.
And this is proof.
Hang on, hang on,
I can explain all this.
Notice of your termination
with immediate effect. What?
And I'd advise you
to accept the terms.
They're preferable...
to being sued for fraud.